Groping is the evidence of a twisted psyche, not a symbol of machismo

The author recounts her first experience of being groped in public and suggests that predators are themselves victims who are in need of healing

man groping a young girl

Believe it or not, a woman's breasts are a separate entity; they have an independent life. Why so? Because her breasts are not just her own—they belong to all of humanity. Many claim their rights on her breasts all through her life.

When those tiny bumps begin to pop out, the exhilarating experience soon gives way to the horrific realisation of growth pain. Yes, those bumps are not just cute, sexy or ornamental—they are painful, they hurt, they are tender and highly sensitive to touch. Our world at large does not reward hard truth so the girls soon learn to focus on bra sizes.

The first shock

When I entered this stage years ago, I realised that apart from being excited about getting boobs, a lifetime of needing to protect these boobs also awaited me. How did I get introduced to this fact? Some pervert decided to teach me a lesson for having boobs. As I was trying to climb a very crowded bus, quite protected by my cautious mother, a hand slipped onto my chest and began to squeeze one of my literally tiny breasts. I was numb  with shock and pain. His excruciating grip only loosened because the crowd pushed us on to the bus.

After what felt like an eternity of pain, I took a breath and let go of the lips I was biting. As soon as I was on the bus, I made a vain attempt to identify the predator. Unfortunately, like for most girls, the world had to go on, everyone had to get back home and the crowd had little patience for a teenager’s lost look.

I wonder what made me silent that day? I had grown up watching my mother, an epitome of self respect, kick butts. She never forgave any encroachers. It was only decades later that I, too, learnt to embody Durga.

But the painful, traumatic and toxic experience of my first shock left me shaken for days afterwards. As I grew up, I learned to protect my boobs—just like all those who get molested, groped, touched, braised, all that stuff that is a "normal" for so many women.

Girls have feelings too

Growing up girls are beautiful, innocent, trusting beings. I say that from experience—I have been one. Girls feel pain just like others; they have feelings.; they are emotional too. They are pretty vulnerable to getting scarred for life. So tread carefully.

Watch the karmic trail your suppressed sexuality is leaving behind. Don't grope their boobs and pussies (and, come to think of it, the willies of young innocent boys as well) against their wishes. If this turns you on then it’s not enough for you to know that you are twisted. You need to know that you are not the predator but a victim here; you are not functioning from choice but compulsion; you are not empowered but totally deprived; you are not a free man but an enslaved junkie. You need healing. Urgently!

Girls grow up and find ways to heal their wounds. It is the predators who never allow healing. They go unnoticed, unregistered... just like the countless domestic rapes in world. These men never find a way to heal themselves. They remain stuck in a loop, in an illusion of supremacy, that only drives them further down the abyss.

The perpetrators must heal

Girls and women reporting, confessing and healing themselves is not enough. It is the confessions and the healing of men that will actually change the world and make it friendlier.
As a society we also need to encourage this healing process. We need to have both an internal and external space for men where they can heal in confidentiality.

So those who are groping, braising, feeling up and giving friendly smooches to girls (and boys) Wake up! The victim will somehow handle it. But you, my dear, need help. Please reach out, seek help and give yourself a break. Cut yourself some slack. It is hard work to remain a perverted version of yourself; it has been too long.

Please give the girls and boys (many boys suffer worse traumas and go without healing for a whole life time) a chance to grow up without your sexual agenda. They need to have their childhood; leave them alone. Growing up is, in itself, a significant task and they have so much on their plates already. Let them be. Instead, focus on yourself, your healing and how to make healthier consensual choices.

Yes, try consent. It works wonders! A person's consensual sexuality will blow your mind such that you will never need to abuse again.


A version of this blog first appeared on the author's Facebook timeline.

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