The divine paradox of mistakes

The author points to a fresh way of looking at mistakes we commit

Illustration: A boy feeling guilty and a boy realising

I was with a dear friend who I was meeting after a very long time. We were discussing the psychology of mistakes—especially how we feel guilty about committing them and then subconsciously punish ourselves. What an utter waste of ‘mistakes’ this attitude was, I felt. Even as I was expressing this thought to my friend, I got a flash of insight—like a bolt of lightning—and I suddenly understood the real function of mistakes in our lives. I shared my insight with my friend, who thought it was a fascinating and useful perspective. Here’s what I learnt from my flash the other day.

I have observed that I always label something as a ‘mistake’ in hindsight—it’s as if I don’t approve of a decision or behaviour. In other words, it means that I don’t identify with the act, that it is not really me. As I understand them, my mistakes help me to know who I am. Because unless I know who I am not, I cannot know fully who I am. Seen this way, every mistake takes me a step closer to understanding who I am. Sometimes I may temporarily forget who I am. At such times, my mistakes remind me of my truth and bring me back home.

This means that when I become aware of a having committed blunder, instead of reprimanding myself or feeling guilty [which does nothing other than keep me focussed on the past], I should be thankful that my very recognition of it has helped me uncover an aspect of myself. I call this the divine paradox of mistakes. For, when I notice that I have hurt the feelings of another, it makes me aware of my intrinsic compassion. Or when I feel unhappy about a spell of anger or irritation, instead of feeling self-critical, I view it as a sign that, at the core, I value composure. So each time I hurt someone, I become even more compassionate than before; each and every time I lose my calm, I am a step closer to more calmness. This is how I discover who I am and who I am not.

Every mistake takes me a step closer to understanding who I am

This fresh way of looking at mistakes—as a process of self-discovery, rather than something worth condemnation—has many benefits. It propels me into living more fully, taking more risks and being open to experimenting with life. Decisions too come more easily to me as I am no longer afraid of making mistakes. After all, what’s the worst that can happen? Either I’ll succeed or I’ll learn more about myself. What’s more, viewing mistakes as signposts makes me more tolerant and understanding of others’ mistakes too. I now know that, just like me, they too are only on the path of discovering themselves.

Also read » Good mistakes

Of course, only spontaneous acts, devoid of any prior knowing or intent, can be called mistakes and are useful. If I knowingly commit a mistake, it will not aid my self-discovery. In fact, such a deed cannot be called a mistake at all. It is just a clever way my ego may disguise its selfish goals, and later defend it by calling it a mistake.


This was first published in the February 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing magazine.

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Manoj Khatri
Manoj Khatri considers himself a student and teacher of the wisdom of love. He is also a writer-editor and has written on topics ranging from strategic marketing and business management to art, culture and even philosophy. His more than 1200 published stories—articles, interviews, full-length features—have appeared in some of the leading newspapers and magazines of India. A certified cognitive behavioural therapist, he works as a personal counsellor too. He is the author of What a thought!, a critically acclaimed book based on powerful ideas of some of the greatest thought leaders. Manoj runs Complete Wellbeing and believes that "peace begins with me".

1 COMMENT

  1. That makes a lot of sense. Mistakes are probably also the way we can realise not to take life and our own selves too seriously. I mean if one can be more playful than uptight, one possibly can learn from mistakes and persuade those who suffered from your mistakes more easily and quickly.

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