When a Father Rejects His Child, the Mother’s Response Is Crucial

Parenting is often described as a journey of nurturing, guiding, and protecting, but what happens when one parent, particularly the father, turns away from these responsibilities? How should the mother respond when faced with the emotional devastation of her child’s rejection by the father? If your husband rejects your son or daughter, and you are the only other adult who can protect them from the pain of the rejection, does your maternal instinct make you jump in and protect them come what may? When things continue to go this way, what do you do? Do you think of the survival of your child and what’s best for him/her? Or do you think of your survival and what’s best for you?

These heart-wrenching dilemmas can shape not only the life of the child but also the entire family dynamic. A mother’s response in such moments becomes a defining factor in determining the emotional wellbeing and future of her child. Let’s explore real-life scenarios that reveal the crucial role of maternal intervention in times of paternal rejection.

When a Father Rejects His Child

Case 1: When the Mother is Unable to Act Forcefully

Sudhir’s mother chose her own survival over her son’s emotional safety. As a child, Sudhir was regularly subjected to verbal and physical abuse by his father for even the smallest infractions, such as not responding quickly enough when called. His monthly allowance was accompanied by hurtful insults like “you good-for-nothing, living off my wealth.” This escalated to public humiliation in adulthood, including being caned in front of guests for a minor car accident.

Sudhir’s mother, despite her meek pleas for mercy, remained passive due to her own financial insecurities. She neither asserted herself nor considered leaving the abusive marriage, effectively failing to protect her son. By the age of 24, Sudhir was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and at 32, he still cowers in fear at the sound of his father’s footsteps, scarred by the deep wounds of rejection and neglect.

Case 2: When the Mother Fails to Take a Stand

Ajit’s story mirrors Sudhir’s in many ways, yet his outcome was different. Ajit always dreamed of becoming a fashion designer, a passion that his father dismissed as disgraceful.

Ajit would dress up his sister’s dolls, and sketch pretty women. He would his mother and sisters on their clothes, for which his father labeled him “gay” in a derogatory manner, rejecting both his talent and his identity.

During one particularly humiliating episode, Ajit left home, deeply wounded by his father’s rejection. His mother, who remained a silent bystander throughout his torment, did nothing to support him. Today, Ajit is a successful yet bitter fashion designer. His unresolved pain manifests in volatile relationships with his family and staff, and he continues to seek validation from the father who rejected him. Despite his success, Ajit remains haunted by his mother’s inaction, wishing she had stood by him when he needed her the most.

Case 3: When the Father Rejects His Child But Mother Stands By

Rohini’s experience reveals a different path. Her father, a self-made businessman, provided her with material comforts but imposed strict rules on her behavior, including forbidding her from interacting with boys. When Rohini, at 19, was caught outside an ice-cream parlor with a boy, her father exploded with anger, calling her derogatory names and threatening to cut off her allowance.

In contrast to the previous stories, Rohini’s mother stood firm in her defense, even when her husband threatened to throw both of them out. With her mother’s unwavering support, Rohini moved to a hostel, and her mother continued to encourage her to be independent and true to herself. Today, Rohini is a self-assured woman, forever grateful for her mother’s courage and guidance.

The Mother’s Response is Crucial

These cases highlight a key truth: when a father rejects his child, the mother’s response can shape the trajectory of the child’s life. Whether driven by fear, financial dependence, or emotional insecurity, a mother’s decision to remain passive can have devastating consequences. Conversely, when a mother steps up to defend her child, she can empower her child to face the world with confidence.

Families where one or both parents fail to prioritize the child’s welfare often become dysfunctional, leaving children feeling emotionally orphaned. The resulting emotional damage can manifest in mental health issues, behavioral problems, and a misguided search for love and validation elsewhere. When a mother neglects her role as the child’s protector, the child feels abandoned, leading to anger, anxiety, and depression. But when a mother stands firm in her role, her children grow into empowered, independent adults.

Case 4: When the Mother Takes Charge

Seema, a mother of two, faced regular verbal abuse from her husband but coped by focusing on raising her children and earning a living through private tutoring. The situation escalated when her husband began verbally attacking their children and refused to finance their higher education. Seema, realizing she could tolerate the abuse herself but not her children’s rejection, took decisive action. She filed for divorce, determined to provide for her children even with her limited means.

Seema’s children, inspired by their mother’s courage, worked hard and achieved successful careers. They remain grateful for her strength and resolve in choosing their well-being over her own comfort.

Why a Mother’s Role is Sacred

Existence has entrusted the mother with the sacred work of nurturing life in the form of the children born through her [referred to as life’s longing for itself by Kahlil Gibran], and therefore you need to live up to the trust placed in you as caregivers to these children. Kahlil Gibran says in The Prophet,

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Summing Up

Mothers are the stabilizing force in a child’s life, guiding them toward their potential, even when the father falters. When a father rejects his child, the mother’s decision to either step in or stand aside profoundly impacts the emotional and psychological health of the child. A mother’s strength, support, and unconditional love are the foundation upon which a child builds their future.

Last updated on 24^th September 2024