Experts opine that couples who clearly express their sexual desires report a higher level of sexual satisfaction. Well, you might think that's obvious, isn't it?
But, think this through in a little more detail. On the surface, you'd assume that their sexual satisfaction is an outcome of their communicating what gives them sexual pleasure, that is, their likes and dislikes directly relating to the sexual act. In truth however, what counts is the extent of communication that such couples indulge in as it goes much beyond mere sex talk.
Honesty - a magic wand
You see, by and large, such couples also share their deepest hopes, desires, fantasies and fears. They freely confess if and when they suffer from any residual anger or hurt inflicted by their partner. This free flow of communication, in turn, assures them of higher energy levels. Besides, it makes it easy for them to let their hair down and bond - or in other words, enjoy sex.
But, open communication presupposes honesty. Saying just anything to your partner will not work the same magic. It's only honest communication that works as a sexual stimulant, because when partners communicate honestly, they share themselves. In doing so, they acknowledge that their relation is much more than simply sharing a bed. More importantly, it's about sharing their emotions.
Now for women – and indeed nowadays for many men - an intimate, honest and emotional exchange of words works as a relaxant, and suggests that their partner is on the same wavelength as them. This reassurance of compatibility is inspiring, promises a closer, more meaningful relationship, and suggests that an ensuing sexual encounter will be "safe" and hence happy - because their partner is equally emotionally involved and not merely interested in them for sex. Considering that women are naturally drawn to experience such "safe" sex that minimises dangers and maximises pleasures, they are more likely to feel sexually attracted to men who bare all.
Are you ready to bare all?
"Bare all" - now here is another analogy. It's not only married couples for whom honesty works as a turn-on. The chances of a dating-twosome going all the way, so to speak, are more when honesty factors in their fledgling relationship.
After all, aren't you more likely to desire getting closer to a person who comes across as honest? In the same vein, do you believe you could ever feel uninhibited and free to enjoy a sexual relationship with someone who is false-hearted?
Raw sexual appeal is not only about physical traits such as looks, figure et al. It is as much about baring your soul, your inner self, simply because this indicates you're confident of your ability. No wonder, many men report feeling attracted to women who talk openly. They think, "If she talks this openly, she'll be equally [or more] loving when we're in bed." For men, this is also a huge turn-on because they often find it hard to construe what women mean when they talk in riddles.
Honesty - a rare virtue
Honesty is no longer that common in relationships. Far from it! Nowadays, couples "make do" with telling each other the bare minimum. This translates into a low-energy relationship in which both partners don't experience a close bond. Naturally, their sexual relationship suffers too.
So why are partners reluctant to speak their mind, when in doing the contrary, they could assure themselves of a healthier and more active sex life?
Some people misjudge their partners, believing they'd prefer a less volatile relationship that does not suffer from occasional tell-alls. After all, if you confessed say, even an asexual matter like having overspent on your credit card to your partner who is a stickler for sound finances, he is likely to blow up and perhaps even be nasty for a few days.
In such cases, being honest is likened to asking for trouble, by opening up a hornet's nest. But then, don't forget that after cooling off, your partner may appreciate your honesty and be drawn into an even closer, more stable and better-functioning relationship.
Your partner deserves to know
Sometimes people carry a poor image of themselves, or haven't accepted themselves within, which leads them to feel ashamed of telling their partner of their present or past misdeeds and thoughts. They think, "he/she doesn't really want to know about this" and continue to live in a half-baked relationship.
The worst scenarios, of course, come when a partner has a huge confession to make - maybe an affair - but believes that hiding is the best way out. However, going down the "I don't want to hurt her/him" road is only a superficial excuse.
Face it. Your partner deserves to know because your partner has every right to expect you to work [not shirk] towards a fulfilling relationship. Lame excuses are for cowards who fear the consequences of admitting the truth. After hearing you out, if your partner desires to part ways - that is a reality you have to live with. However, when the confessions are not acute, most partners usually come around, especially if you adopt the right way of saying things.
If you believe you are ready to take your relationship - and sex life - to the next level, share this revelation [that honesty makes for a more fulfilling sex life] with your partner to start with. Also, adopt habits that will help this process [see box above].
Experts say that in the long-run, honesty makes for a lively relationship. We'll go a step further and say that honesty is an essential ingredient of a long-term relationship. Undoubtedly, honesty is the best policy.
Introduce 100 per cent honesty into your relationship - today!
- Talk about how you'd love to have a completely transparent relationship, where you don't feel the need to hide anything from your partner, even the quirky thoughts. Chances are - your partner will feel the same, in which case set aside time every day for both of you to share a thought [to start with]. If your partner desists from such a move, don't give up. Start being more honest yourself, by confessing small transgressions. As honesty beseeches honesty, don't be surprised if your partner soon follows your lead.
- Since you're making a conscious effort to be honest, go a step further and deliver the truth as it is - plain and simple. Beating around the bush will not help your cause.
- Of course, sharing may ruffle a few feathers. This is something you have to contend with, so prepare yourself for possible outcomes by adopting a non-defensive position. Your partner's reaction to your words may involve anger, sadness, or retribution. Just remember that it is your ability to stay calm and supportive during this period that will determine how smoothly and rapidly you both move to the next level in your relationship.
- Being honest in a relationship is as much about sharing yourself as about being a sincere listener who is genuinely interested in what your partner has to share.
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