Love. The word itself elicits a sigh, and is usually accompanied by a loopy grin, or a ghastly grimace, depending on your experience of it. Thoughts of love naturally bring to mind gestures associated with it—during the courtship days and even after—that is if you’ve been lucky, or have a partner who is ‘how to be a romantic partner’ article-savvy. Most men, to give them the credit due, do make an effort to follow the tried-and-tested path of romance and woo their partner with flowers, chocolates and gifts. Miraculously a few continue to do so even after the initial wooing is done. But what do women think of it all? It’s revelation time, folks!
Gifting roses and chocolates
Kohl-lined and mascara-ed eyes roll at the merest mention of roses and chocolates stated in the same breath. So you can well imagine what women, whom they are gifted to, think about them. Roses are overrated, is the common chorus. Moreover, with exotic and exclusive flowers now blooming from the bucket of every flower vendor in every city, town and village, roses are simply passe. Roses are a sign that the person gifting them has no imagination and is terribly old-fashioned.
Chocolates are wicked. They first tempt the women into devouring them and then loose calories which make them put on weight. To drop which, women need to work doubly hard at the gym. So chocolates, along with the blooming roses, no longer top women’s ‘Things I am impressed by’ list.
A walk on the beach, followed by dinner
The person who coined this idea as romantic surely must be a man. Walking on the beach means wearing heels is out of the question. A woman without her heels feels like a policeman would without his gun, or a chef without his knives. In one word—powerless, which is precisely what any sensible woman doesn’t wish to feel like. Heels and power aside, the salt-laden sea breeze does have this knack of frizzing up hair, especially painstakingly blow-dried hair. And if it does that to hair, imagine what sea breeze does to make-up. Messes it up along with making the face look sweaty and gritty. And dinner followed by the walk on the beach? Forget it! Clothes being whipped by the breeze, hair following the same route, sand flying into the food—a romantic atmosphere and romantic emotions after feeling like that? No.
What’s so romantic about a candle-light dinner? I mean, for all we know it could have first taken place when electricity was either not invented or was a precious luxury. Coincidentally something romantic must’ve transpired and probably worked out during the ‘candle-light dinner’, starting a trend which still continues. That seems to be the only plausible reason, doesn’t it? Why else would someone prefer to dine in light so dim, where you can hardly read the menu card to order what you would like to eat, and then barely see what you are eating?
Gifting stuffed toys and perfumes
Like, really? Stuffed toys are apparently so outdated that even kids resent being gifted with them. Do I hear you saying, girls love receiving them as gifts? Of course some of them still do. Gifting perfumes is interpreted as a subtle and clever way of telling the person, “You smell so bad, I wish I was olfactory system challenged!” This idea stinks!
Of course, the above doesn’t hold true for all women. There are some women who adore the above gestures just as there are others who simply abhor them. So what is it that women like, appreciate and want? The day I find the answer, I’m going to speedily patent it before I reveal it to anyone. As, besides a zillion curious people, even God is in the queue to know the answer, I believe.