“Not tonight, darling, I have a headache,” may be your favourite line – not to seduce, but to refuse. However, the frequency with which you begin to use it could well indicate not only tiredness stemming from too much attendance at the company boardroom, but also increasing boredom with your marriage, or relationship.
The rigour of the 21st century with the constant need to achieve takes its toll. The only free time one spends is in networking, partying and socialising. Add to this the demands of your kids clamouring for their outings on weekends, it leaves little time or energy for a couple to bond with each other passionately. However, the best of couples cannot survive if they do not have the stamp of good time spent with each other in the bedroom.
Your refusal to enter the bedroom for anything other than hitting the bed for much-needed rest may well be a wake-up call for you. You have to reassess your life and prioritise your personal relationship if you have not done so till now. The thing to do is to know that the problem exists and see how to deal with it.
Don’t stay away working overtime at the office. You may well be in love with your work, but there is a time to stop work and head home. If you decide to spend the nights at the office, you will not only experience early “burn-out” symptoms, your relationship will also experience the same! Transfer some of the love, care and passion onto your spouse and see how the “sparks” fly.
Don’t carry your work home. Bringing your work home is like moving the boardroom to the bedroom. You are just transferring all the tensions and demands of the workplace to your home. This does not help you in any way at all. It drains you of whatever energy you might have left. This will definitely make you say, “Not tonight, darling,” to anything that your spouse may suggest.
Do take advantage of holidays given. Spend the weekends at home with your family. Take time out to rest and indulge in pleasurable activities like reading, sleeping and cooking. If you are relaxed, you will be more open to spending time with your loved one in the evening and after – with zing and passion.
Set a time once a week to be alone with your spouse. Let this time be specifically allotted for a romantic interlude. Put in the effort to please your loved one. This may sound very cold-blooded and “planned” to the ultimate degree, but it is known to work. Just like a five-course meal has to be planned to suit the palate of a visiting dignitary, why not a passionate, planned night of passion every week with your spouse? It will pay dividends for happiness, good health and a harmonious relationship. There will also be an added zing in your life.
The result – when you say, “Not tonight, darling,” the next time, you would be saying no to a sumptuous dinner at the restaurant, and not to an invitation to bed!