Intimacy: The power of two

Getting under the sheets with your partner is not enough. You need to expand your physical bonding with intimacy

Intimacy: The power of two

Couples most often go to bed with each other to satisfy a purely physical need. This may leave a bad after-taste – more so, when they find that they have nothing in common beyond the bedroom. Sex without intimacy is like pasta without sauce.

When a person enters someone else’s personal space, for the purpose of being intimate, it is physical intimacy, regardless of the actual form of contact. By being close to, or near a partner, and touching them we experience physical intimacy. By holding hands, hugging, kissing, caressing, and sexual activity, we express our need and desire for physical intimacy. Very often, the attraction is on a purely physical plane.

In today’s world, we do not often allow our relationships to develop beyond the physical. In this we are the big losers. What to do? Increase our physical pleasure, and develop intimacy in other areas too.

Satisfy each other’s needs

The act of being intimate requires us to make our partner happy and satisfied, without being selfish to oneself.

Be open

To develop the kind of intimacy which is not purely for “self-gratification,” and binds us to our partner, in more ways than one, truly gives us a sense of stability and wellbeing. Besides, we need to be more open and receiving. We have to be also willing to listen and accept. When we show tenderness and consideration, our closeness grows.

Reduce barriers

We often build barriers around ourselves, because we do not want to expose our deepest feelings and wants easily. Intimacy requires that we express our desires and explore our relationship in more ways than one. This helps deepen our relationship.

Allow time

Initial attraction is the spark that leads to a desire for physical closeness, and the expression to be close to each other. For physical intimacy to lead to intimacy of a deeper kind, we have to give it time. In today’s world, we look for quick-fixes and solutions and/or a roller-coaster ride where we often move from one relationship to another in search for the ultimate experience. We do not sometimes give are relationship enough time to develop into an emotionally and mentally satisfying bonding. This is wrong.

We are also sometimes scared to enter into deep, or strong, relationship, because we feel that this will increase our vulnerability. So, we skim over the surface, and wonder at the emptiness pervading our life. Agreed, that, for any kind of relationship to develop between two people, there is a strong need for physical pull and the pleasure of physical union. However, to go beyond this, and reach higher levels of pleasure and intimacy, your relationship has to evolve slowly and strongly.

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Abha Iyengar
 Abha Iyengar is an internationally published author, poet, editor and British Council certified creative writing facilitator. Her story, The High Stool, was nominated for the Story South Million Writers Award. She won the Lavanya Sankaran fellowship in 2009-2010. She was a finalist in the FlashMob 2013 Flash Fiction contest. Her published works are Yearnings, Shrayan, Flash Bites, Many Fish to Fry and The Gourd Seller and Other Stories.


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