The art and joy of kissing

A kiss not only fires your excitement for love, it also celebrates the feel of togetherness

Silhouette of a couple kissing

“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.”
Judy Garland

One often gets the feeling of being bored and lonely, tired and low key. It is a time when even the sight of one’s partner is not just energising enough. In addition to this, your passion seems to lose its fervour, somewhere along the line.

To raise jaded spirits, try something different, something adventurous, and something that is not in the rule book — even when it comes to kissing your loved one. The only rule that matters is the way your heart beats at the end of it all.

All things unusual need to be tried to kindle a fire, or rekindle one that may need some attention to set it alight again. A seductive spirit is not enough; the desire has to be translated into action. This requires that you make a choice to awaken the kind of passion that lies within you.

You have already created the mood for physical bonding by dimming the lights, perhaps, or putting on some soft music, making the space attractive and welcoming. Persuade your partner to leave all else and come near you, or go up to him/her and initiate the beginning of a romantic interlude. Physical proximity, obviously, is an essential ingredient for the recipe of romantic passion to work. The next ingredient is touch and kiss.

Kiss to thrill

“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”
— Carl W Buechner

Kissing your loved one is one of the most romantic expressions of the self. It is indicative of not only passion, but also of loving and caring. It sets the stage for all the intensity that follows. Without the kiss, physical intimacy is a meaningless act. With the kiss, a seal of togetherness is placed in a relationship.

Kisses can begin with a slow and steady cadence before the need for speed sets in. To start with, think about the butterfly kiss.

Types of kissing

There is nothing like the soft touch of a butterfly kiss to set the heart aflutter. To make this work you need to come very close to the person who is your centre of attention and then flutter your eyelashes against his/hers.

Now, graduate to the eye kiss, which means that you hold the person’s face in your hands, making him/her automatically close the eyes, and then kiss both the eyes gently. Follow that with light, gentle kisses all over the face, the earlobe, and then the mouth. This should set the pace for things to get more exciting.

Couple kissing indoorsRemember, the kisses should be light, soft brushes, with no noise of any kind like “muah-muah,” for example. Silence is the key, softness is the element. Of course, you may whisper sweet nothings against your lover’s mouth, before you actually kiss him/her, for that is part of the romance.

Continue on to a light kiss on the mouth, and then progress to a deeper one done with the open mouth, called the French kiss, for the romance to get hotter.

This is also called the soul kiss because it is thought that the souls of man and woman are exchanged during this kiss.

There is also an alternative to the usually accepted French kiss — this is related to experimenting with a “melt” kiss, where you put a small piece of ice in your mouth, and then kiss your partner, passing the ice into his/her mouth. It is cooling to the tongue, but heats up the passion.

Another option is to take a sip of your favourite drink and trickle it down slowly into your partner’s mouth while kissing, which can be also very exciting and different. Or, you may lick a little ice-cream and then share the melting ice-cream with your partner by kissing him/her. While kissing your lover, nibble lightly on the lips, to create an even more wondrous experience. How adventurous you are depends on your abilities and the desire to create a different and more memorable experience.

Kissing the neck is a very sensual gesture, and kissing the neck where it pulses is more so. Go on to the shoulder, and the hand, the navel, the back of the knees, and then the feet, if you will. All this heightens desire, and it will pave the way to kindle passion in your partner. It also awakens the sleeping God of Kama [Desire] in you. You will forget your jaded spirit and welcome the spell that seduces both of you.

Kiss the wrists where the pulse is, the hands, and the fingers, too. Move your hands down your partner’s spine gently, bringing him/her closer to you. There is no way that s/he will not feel the eroticism and the need for romance that you have created for both of you.

Your erogenous zones

Your kisses should be targeted at all the erogenous zones. They should be light, sensual and not noisy or “slurpy” in order to arouse feelings of romance and wellbeing. Erogenous zones are those parts of the body that are extra-sensitive to sensory stimulation since they have a crowded area of nerve endings. Examples of such zones are the mouth, lips, neck, nipples, middle lower back, the back of the knees, and the inner thighs. When these areas are kissed, a chemical, oxytocin, is released.

It creates excitement, thanks to pleasurable sensations. Touching and kissing are two ways of exploring and understanding your partner and finding out what creates pleasure. It also leads to new and renewed loving and interaction.

There are no hard and fast rules in kissing. You learn as you go along as to what works best for both of you. However, you need to take the initiative so that the fires do not ebb due to other demands that life places on you.

Experiment with kissing

If all this is not new and unusual for you, there are other ways you may use to make things more sensuous and seductive for your loved one. Experimentation and exploration should be the driving force, because all relationships survive on newness in exchange of thoughts and ideas — more so, in the physical expression of love and desire.

To have a workable physical relationship requires that you and your partner are attuned to each other at both the mental and the physical level [Read Communicate your Sexual Needs]. However, what matters most is that both of you are physically attracted to each other and enjoy each other’s company enough to want to be with each other.

If you have experienced strained relations, and want to set the record straight again, just “kiss and make up.” Try it, and see how it works for you!

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Abha Iyengar
 Abha Iyengar is an internationally published author, poet, editor and British Council certified creative writing facilitator. Her story, The High Stool, was nominated for the Story South Million Writers Award. She won the Lavanya Sankaran fellowship in 2009-2010. She was a finalist in the FlashMob 2013 Flash Fiction contest. Her published works are Yearnings, Shrayan, Flash Bites, Many Fish to Fry and The Gourd Seller and Other Stories.


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