Whenever you have a sexual urge in your mind or feel sexually attracted to somebody, jealousy enters. However jealously enters only because you are not in love. If you are in love, you won’t be jealous.
First try and understand the whole concept. Whenever you are sexually related you are afraid, because sex is not really a relationship, but an exploitation. If you are attached to a woman/man sexually, you are always afraid that s/he may go to somebody else. There is no relationship really, it is just mutual exploitation. You are exploiting each other, but you don’t love and you know it, so you are afraid.
Jealousy kills love
This fear becomes jealousy so you may not allow things, you will guard; you will make every security arrangement so this man can’t look at another woman. Even looking will be a danger signal. This man should not talk to another woman. So you will close all the paths and all the doors of this man going to another woman or of this woman going to another man.
But then a problem arises. When all the doors are closed, the man becomes dead, the woman becomes dead, a prisoner, a slave, and you cannot love a dead thing. You cannot love one who is not free because love is beautiful only when it is given freely and not by demand or force.
By making security arrangements you transform your beloved person into an object – an object to be guarded, possessed and controlled. The more you control, the more you are killing, because freedom is lost. And the other person may be there for other reasons, but not for love, because how can you love a person who possesses you? He looks like an enemy.
Sex creates jealousy, but it is a secondary thing. So the question is not how to drop jealousy; you cannot drop it because you cannot drop sex. The question is, how to transform sex into love, and then jealousy disappears.
If you love a person, the very love is enough guarantee and enough security. If you love a person, you know he cannot go to anybody else. And if he goes, he goes; nothing can be done. What can you do? You can kill the person, but a dead person will not be of much use.
When you love a person, you trust that he cannot go to anybody. If he goes, there is no love and nothing can be done. Love brings this understanding. There is no jealousy.
True love helps you discover yourself
So if jealousy is there, know well there is no love. You are playing a game; you are hiding sex behind love. Love is just a painted word, the reality is sex. If sex becomes just a bodily affair where surfaces meet and separate – your depth remains untouched. You are again missing something very mysterious – because you become aware of your own depth only when somebody else touches it. Only through the other do you become aware of your inner being; only in deep relationship does somebody’s love resound in you and bring your depth into being. Only through somebody else do you discover yourself.
There are two ways of discovery. One is meditation – without the other you search for the depth; another is love – with the other you search for the depth. He becomes a root to reach yourself. The other creates a circle, and both lovers help each other. The deeper love goes, the deeper they feel they are; their inner-beings are revealed. But then there is no jealousy. Love cannot be jealous, it is impossible. Love is always trusting, and if something happens that breaks your trust you have to accept it; nothing can be done about it because whatsoever you do will destroy the other.
Trust and jealousy
Trust cannot be forced; jealousy tries to force it. Jealousy makes every effort to maintain trust, but trust cannot be maintained. It is there, or it is not there, and I say that nothing can be done about it. If it is there, you go through it; if it is not there, better separate.
Don’t fight for it because you are then only wasting your time and life. If you love someone and your depth speaks to the other’s depth – you have a meeting in being – it is okay, beautiful; if it is not happening, separate. But don’t create any conflict, struggle or fight for it, because it cannot be achieved through fight, and time is lost – and not only time, your capacity will be damaged. You may start again with another person repeating the whole pattern.
If there is no trust, separate – the sooner, the better – so that your capacity to love remains fresh and you can love somebody else. This is not the place, this is not the man, this is not the woman for you. Move, but don’t destroy each other.
Life is very short and capacities are very delicate. They can be destroyed, but once damaged there is no possibility of repairing them.
Don’t waste your energy in fighting, jealousy and conflict; move on in a friendly way.
Search somewhere else for a person who will love you. Don’t get fixed with someone who is wrong and not really for you. Don’t be angry, there is no point in it, and don’t try to force trust; nobody can force it, it never happens.
Love always trusts
Love always trusts, or if it finds that the trust is not possible it simply moves in a friendly way; there is no conflict and fight. Sex creates jealousy; find, discover love. Don’t make sex the basic thing – it is not.
India missed with arranged marriage; the West is missing with free love. India missed love because parents were too calculating and cunning. They would not allow falling in love.
In the West, they are too rebellious, too young; too childish. They have made sex a free thing, available everywhere: no need to go so deep to discover love, enjoy sex and be finished.
Through sex, the West is missing: through marriage, the East has missed. But if you are alert you need not be Eastern, you need not be Western. Love is neither Eastern nor Western.
Go on discovering love within you. And if you love, sooner or later the person will happen to you, because a loving heart, sooner or later, comes to a loving heart – it always happens. You will find the right person. But if you are jealous you will not find, if you are simply for sex you will not find, if you live only for security you will not find.
Love is a dangerous path and only those who have courage can travel it. And I say to you it is just like meditation – only for those who are courageous.