Depressed partners trying for a second chance

Infidelity in a marriage brings your world to a grinding halt. Everything that you thought you could count on has been smashed to pieces. But is it repairable? Under the right circumstances, the answer is yes. What may be even harder to believe, however, is that sometimes an affair can be a blessing. It can actually become a catalyst for rebooting and breathing new life into a troubled marriage, and the relationship can become even better than it was before the affair.

There are many reasons a partner strays. If you are not dealing with a sexual addiction of some sort, the most typical reason for infidelity is that the person straying feels that his or her needs are not being met within the relationship. There are a few indicators of this. In my book What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship, I talk about the never-ending fights in which couples are unable to ever find resolution and therefore argue endlessly about a certain matter. The flip side of this is when one partner stops fighting. It might seem like a good thing, but in reality the person has simply given up, knowing that no matter how hard they fight, they will never be heard. They have reached a point of resignation. So, people don’t go looking for an affair. Most often, it happens when there’s already some long-standing unhappiness brewing in the marriage. But, the betrayed person doesn't realise the extent of discontent their partner might be experiencing.

It’s your call

Infidelity is a wake-up call for your marriage and, once it is discovered, can lead a couple in one of two directions.

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A version of this was first published in the November 2013 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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