Boost your Romantic Index

When you work to increase your desirability, you shoot up your romantic index. It shows as passion in your and your partner's eyes

Here with a Loaf of Bread beneath the Bough,
A Flask of Wine, a Book of Verse - and Thou
Beside me singing in the Wilderness -
And Wilderness is Paradise enow.

- Omar Khayyam, The Rubaiyat

Smiling coupleYes, the weather is heating up and the flowers are bursting with life and the question is whether you are heating up and bursting with life as well. Whether you are getting all those second glances and more that you deserve. If you aren't - then, it's about time you did something to boost your romantic index.

Boosting your romantic index will make you more attractive to others, especially the opposite sex. For those who are single, this is something that is good for their ego and their psyche. It paves the way for the development of a romantic relationship. Again, for couples wanting deeper intimacy in their relationship, the boost in their romantic index will have a direct effect on their intimacy index.

So, you want to attract those looks with a "I-would-like-to-get-to-know-you-better" message in it? First, begin to play by the rules of the game.

Have it, flaunt it. If you have a good body, show it. Be daring and adventurous with your clothing choices. Show some skin. Emphasise your good features. Wear some colour. Throw out or give to charity outdated, ancient, mediaeval stuff and get in the groove. It does not matter if you have a few extra inches or kilos. You can still wear clothes that make you look more attractive — or, aim to shed those extra inches so that you become irresistible!

The feel-good factor. Once you dress attractively, you are already building on the feel-good factor which is so important to hyping up your romantic index. Feeling attractive makes you confident; it gives a certain [contained, of course] swagger to your walk. But, the way you walk with a spring in your step because you know you are looking good will work wonders for you. It will bring those second glances your way, because there is nothing that works like a confident personality to get things rolling.

Shower, shave, and smell sweet. Look clean and fresh and tingle with the aroma of a good after-shave, or the euphoria of a spicy perfume. Surround yourself with the smell divine. Watch the effect on those who pass you by. They will be sniffing the air with delight and soon sniffing at your heels, asking you to acknowledge their presence in your life.

A twinkle in the eye. To increase your romantic index, find ways to laugh with the significant other in your life. Life is not always about work and pollution and nappies and the Sensex. It is often about discovering ways to laugh, love and connect with each other and deepening the intimacy all the time.

Openness of being. To be able to initiate romance into your life and in order that you be considered a person who will be worth romancing, you have to open yourself out to romance. If a bud is closed and does not want to bloom, no amount of persuasion will make it do so. It will only wither and die. But, if the bud is willing to open its petals and embrace the world, the world will also respond and will help it flower. So, there has to be a willingness to let romance into your life and also let people who find you interesting approach you. This does not mean an indiscriminate openness which encourages all and sundry. The openness has to be something that attracts the kind of people you want to know. This means that you have to be willing to expand your horizons; more importantly, you need to set boundaries to ward off unwanted attention.

The power of togetherness. Doing things together increases romance. There is a shared intimacy in cooking together, walking together, perhaps, getting drenched together in the first rainfall of the season, listening to music together, or driving together. Close physical proximity triggers romance. You may bump into each other while cooking in the kitchen, share a smile, taste some soup from the same ladle, and guide each other to the bedroom. It is a matter of one thing leading to another. Being away from each other increases the separateness of lives. It is also important to give our partners space to breathe and do their own thing as well. Being too close for comfort can be stifling to a relationship. But, a certain degree of physical proximity has to be maintained to have the sparks flying with a certain kind of chemistry at work.

Become tactile. Never underestimate the power of touch. Words can never say what a touch can. Affection, care, love and desire, everything becomes evident in touch. Keep your hands warm and supple, so that when you touch someone in a special way, that person gets electrified.

Sensory experience. Small romantic gestures go a long way in increasing the romance in your life. It could be a hand around the waist, a caress on the shoulder, or a peck on the cheek. In a more intimate situation, you could give a foot massage, and get a back rub in return. "Try blowing in the guy's ear," a young sparrow told me the other day. Well, they learn fast, these young birds. It's all about increasing the sensory experience.

Pay attention to what your partner likes. Your partner may think of himself to be unromantic, or shy of romance. It will be up to you to draw him/her out and introduce them to their romantic side. Rub shoulders with the balls of your thumbs and fingers to relax your partner. Get all the tense knots out of their neck. Slowly, work downwards onto the back. You may be delightfully surprised with the results of your efforts!

Pay attention to what you like, and make your partner aware of it. If you want to increase your romantic index, you have to become aware of what the triggers are that make you more vibrant, alive and receptive. You should be able to communicate your desires to your partner so that s/he can send the romantic index of your relationship a notch higher.

You gotcha the point! Romance is a constant state of being. A person with a high romantic index is one who is in love with life. It shows in their walk, in their talk, in their enthusiasm to live life to the full — to squeeze every drop of the romantic nectar, every moment. When you are open to life and when you love yourself, you surround yourself with an air of optimism that sends out signals to everyone. It attracts attention. It increases your degree of desirability.

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Abha Iyengar
 Abha Iyengar is an internationally published author, poet, editor and British Council certified creative writing facilitator. Her story, The High Stool, was nominated for the Story South Million Writers Award. She won the Lavanya Sankaran fellowship in 2009-2010. She was a finalist in the FlashMob 2013 Flash Fiction contest. Her published works are Yearnings, Shrayan, Flash Bites, Many Fish to Fry and The Gourd Seller and Other Stories.

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