10 Steps to Be Happy Now

1. Put yourself first

Are you a busy parent, running around after your children and/or partner, ensuring everyone is happy, while neglecting your needs? Are you working tirelessly to earn more money, yet isolating yourself and giving up on your hobbies? Many place others first, thinking this is unselfish. However, this is the fast track to frustration, anger and resentment, especially on challenging days. Happy and successful parents, partners and workers, ensure they have a balanced life, including fun pursuits, socialising, rest and work. Be kind to yourself by doing what makes you happy every day. It is your life… so do not put yourself last. What do you feel like doing right now?

2. Be grateful

Although it’s hard to look at the wonderful things in life when you are feeling low, it is necessary. List the things you are grateful for and watch how your mood changes; it is all about transforming your mindset. Make it your new habit to list five things you are grateful for, every day, from small to large. By the law of attraction, you will attract more good into your life, improve your circumstances, and opportunities, when you spend the majority of your time focussed on the positive. Have you made your “grateful list” today?

3. Plan fun moments

It is essential to remain focussed on the present moment, but if your life is currently challenging, traumatic or filled with grief, you may need a break from this moment by creating wonderful future moments. You could plan a family holiday, a weekend getaway, a romantic dinner or a night out to a concert. Be kind to your future self and plan exciting adventures, fun days and opportunities to create wonderful memories. What wonderful experiences are you currently looking forward to?

4. Change your thoughts to positive

Are many of your thoughts negative? Automatic thoughts are commonly triggered by belief systems in your subconscious about yourself, circumstances and relationships. These core beliefs may be negative, causing your thoughts to be self-defeating. Be prepared to listen to your thoughts and argue with yourself. Does this thought need challenging? Am I jumping to conclusion? Is this black and white thinking? [i.e. something is either all wrong or all right] Negative thinking is simply a habit. Think of your mind as a television remote control, and then keep switching from the negative thoughts channel to the positive thoughts channel. You may use self-affirming statements such as: I will feel better tomorrow. This situation is temporary. By using thought swapping strategies, and self-affirming statements, you positively influence your thoughts, core beliefs and mood. You cannot stop your thoughts, but you can swap your thoughts. Have you been listening to your thoughts today?

5. Improve brain chemistry

Antidepressants often improve depression by changing the balance of neurotransmitters in the brain, such as serotonin and dopamine. Did you know that you can help your body improve these same neurotransmitters? Avoiding processed foods, and instead, eating whole foods such as quality carbohydrates, proteins, fruits, vegetables and raw nuts is thought to increase serotonin levels, reducing your risk of depression. Exercise releases endorphins, which elevate mood and increase your emotional resilience. Exercise often decreases the stress hormone, cortisol. High cortisol levels are believed to be a contributing factor in ill health, mood swings, weight gain, and depression. Therefore, exercise and healthy eating can assist you in the fight against depression, sickness, and the dreaded sad days. Have you scheduled healthy eating and regular exercise into your routine?

6  Reward yourself

What do you love doing? Do you love sitting in the sun reading magazines? How about a long drive to a hill station? Perhaps you love going on picnics, enjoying long bubble baths, or watching a movie. Is time in the garden your escape from life? Or do you prefer sitting with friends, eating takeaway foods, while watching the sun set? Whatever you love doing, do it; don’t deprive yourself. It is essential to reward yourself, especially on those sad days. What are your three favourite ways to reward yourself?

7. Sit in the sun

Sitting in the sun, even for a few minutes per day, can improve mood, positive brain chemistry, and vitamin D levels. When you feel unhappy, stressed, agitated, or even depressed, spend 15 minutes in the sun, and enjoy all the benefits of nature’s vitamin tablet. Relax, feel rejuvenated, and feel more grounded again, after some time in the sun… ready to face even the most complex of issues. Do you have a special place where you like to sit in the sun and relax?

8. Listen to music

Next time you wish to escape your troubles, grab your headphones, turn your favourite music on, and have a mini party. Music has the magical ability to transport your emotions to another place, making music a natural healer. So, if you want to forget your troubles dance or sing to your favourite songs. If you are grieving, and may need to cry, put the sad songs on, and give yourself permission to grieve. Tears that are “stuck” magnify your emotions, so allow the tears to flow. Bring a little magic to your day, or experience some of your deepest feelings, by allowing music to guide you. How have you incorporated music into your daily routine?

9. Meditate

Calm the mind, re-focus the thoughts, and feel peaceful again, with some guided meditation, using a CD or download. Regular meditation has been shown to improve brain function and health of the body. Scientific research suggests that long-term meditation thickens grey matter, and the number of folds in the cortex of the brain. This area is believed to play a role in thought, attention and memory. Accordingly, we can assume that to feel more in control of our mind, emotions, and health, we need to meditate regularly. Can you image how your life would improve with regular meditation?

10. Take a break

Sad or low energy days give us the chance to stand back from the frantic pace of life, and reflect on our goals. When we become fatigued, saddened or ill, we may find ourselves working less, yet having more time to reflect. Ask yourself: What is working in my life? What is not? Most of us do not stop enough and actively plan the life we want; we can find ourselves re-acting to life, instead of being pro-active. Have a daily break and remain rested and focussed. Give yourself permission to stop your usual activities, and ponder. Have you incorporated daily breaks into your schedule?

You have the ability to help yourself through these challenging days, with these ten steps. Put the power back in your hands. Keep asking yourself: What do I feel like doing right now? Change your day; change your life… start by changing this moment and be happy now. And if your sad days persist, you may have depression, unresolved grief, or anxiety; if so, please consult a doctor, psychologist or counsellor.

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Jason doesn’t particularly feel enthused at large cocktail parties, yet drags himself to one almost every Friday at his wife’s behest. “I can’t keep doing this,” he bemoans to himself. Every now and then, he voices his disgruntlement to his wife, who either ignores him or gives him an earful for being socially inept. As she doesn’t like going alone, Jason typically acquiesces, but a malaise within him festers.

Like Minal and Jason, many of us suppress facets of ourselves due to externals pressures, be it a job or a spouse. Stephen Joseph, professor and psychologist, spells out the importance of cultivating authenticity in his book, Authentic: How to be yourself and why it matters. Being authentic, he says, involves living your life in accordance with your own values, beliefs, inclinations and aspirations. It’s a continual process rather than a destination, wherein you need to know, own and be yourself “from moment to moment,” says Joseph. If what you “do, think and feel” are in sync more often than not, then you are paving the path for an authentic life. How we choose to spend our everyday moments is what authenticity is all about.

Our Choices Reflect Our Authenticity

If our fundamental psychological needs are fulfilled, then people naturally aspire to be the best or idealised version of themselves. Life is full of choices and decisions, from the mundane to the momentous. It is these choices, both the trivial and the significant, that reflect our authenticity.

Joseph cites the work of Carl Rogers, one of the leading figures of a humanistic approach to psychology, who believed that authenticity entails being in control of one’s life as opposed to being controlled. So, by and large, do you make choices that are in line with the person you think you are or aspire to be? Are you able to express your views and feelings with the people you are closest to without feeling belittled or threatened?

Don’t get this wrong. Authenticity does not imply that you care only about yourself and disregard the opinions and feelings of others. But when you make compromises, you do so without feeling diminished. When you do give in to others, you are in control of your decision as opposed to feeling coerced by them.

Authentic people also take ownership of their mistakes. But instead of ruminating over their missteps, they move forward by learning from them, and may even reframe their goals if required.

Knowing the Self Is Key to Being Authentic

To lead an authentic life, we really have to know ourselves at a deep level. Instead of blindly obeying the nonstop mental commentary that plays out in our heads, Joseph exhorts us to connect with “our own inner voice of wisdom.” We are all imbued with our “own unique set of potentials” within us. The late American psychologist Abraham Maslow put forth a theory of human motivation based on a hierarchy of needs. People who attain self-actualisation —the topmost rung of his pyramid—use their talents and abilities for tasks they are “best fitted for.” Healthy development involves getting to know and using our unique constellation of strengths in constructive ways.

Further, as humans have an innate need for affiliation with others, our authenticity, or lack thereof, is also a function of the quality of our relationships, especially our closest connections. If we feel accepted and loved unconditionally for who we are, we are more likely to thrive. In contrast, if we feel hemmed in by family members or bosses or by social strictures, we are unlikely to fulfil our potential.

People who are “alienated from themselves” are often confused about who they are and what their emotions are signalling. As a result, they tend to do what pleases others or try to meet societal standards without necessarily cultivating their own internal compass. We need to be able to listen to and understand our contradictory thoughts, complex feelings and gut instincts.

Being Authentic Brings Greater Happiness

If you are being inauthentic most of the time, wherein your words and actions don’t reflect the person you feel you are or capable of being, then you are likely to experience “inner psychological tension,” which can be insidious in the long-run. Many psychological problems also stem from people living lives that don’t resonate with their true selves.

Research reveals that happier people score higher on authenticity than their more sullen peers. Joseph points out that being authentic doesn’t necessarily protect you from the vagaries of life, but by anchoring you with meaning and purpose, it helps you deal with setbacks and misfortune with greater equilibrium. He cites the research of an Australian nurse Bronnie Ware who found that patients on their deathbeds most often regretted not having lived “a life true to oneself.” Don’t let that be you.

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Well, yes. But self-care can do much more than that. Taking care of yourself doesn’t just make you feel good but it also can lead to better relationships with others.

A happy and successful relationship begins with self-care, even if you might not have thought about the connection between the two before. But how and why? Let’s look at four big reasons.

1. Self-care creates a space for you

It’s so important in any relationship to have space for yourself. All too often, especially when we’ve been in a relationship for a long time, we can lose our sense of self and forget what makes us individuals.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship is bad or unhealthy—sometimes, we just slip into these habits. We end up doing everything together; we have couple activities and couple goals and couple accomplishments.

And while it is amazing to be able to share your life with a person you love, it’s important that you still take some time for yourself and don’t lose your identity. If you’re constantly doing everything together, chances are that you’re probably compromising on some of the things you want.

Taking a step back and practising giving yourself some love and care creates a space for you—for your wants and needs. So, if you love reading, carve some time out in your evening to get comfy on the sofa with a good book while your other half watches the TV. If there’s a hobby that you adore like gardening or yoga but you’ve let it slide recently because you’ve both been caught up with social commitments, bring it back into your life. And don’t forget to make time for your friends and family—not just your “couple” friends!

2. Self-care = a happy you = a happy relationship

Learning to love yourself is so important for your own personal happiness.

We’re generally not taught by society to love ourselves. We learn from a very early age to look at ourselves harshly: magnifying our flaws, comparing ourselves to others, and slipping into negative self-talk all too easily. We’re our own worst critics.

Self-care can help you to learn to love yourself: it teaches you to treat yourself well, to nourish your body and mind with kindness and love. Part of this includes tending to your physical needs, like eating well, adding regular exercise into your routine, and getting enough sleep so that you feel rested and rejuvenated.

It also means tending to your emotional and mental health: doing things that bring you joy, spending time with people you love, and learning to be emotionally aware so that you can be kind to yourself when you need it.

When you learn to love yourself through practising self-care, it makes you a happier version of yourself. And when you’re a happy you, you’re going to enjoy a happier relationship.

3. Taking care of yourself makes you a better partner

As I said above, practising self-care helps to boost your general mood and support your mental health, making you feel happier and more balanced.

By looking after yourself and ensuring that you’re in a good headspace, you are giving yourself the emotional capacity and availability to provide support for your other half too.

If we’re feeling low, stressed or tense for whatever reason, it’s unlikely that we’re going to be able to support to a partner who is feeling the same—and that’s if we even notice. Sometimes we’re so wrapped up in our own problems that we miss what’s going on right in front of us.

When we’re struggling emotionally, we’ll probably snap and lash out instead, not having the emotional capacity, empathy or patience to be able to deal with another person’s problems. This can result in feeling distant from each other, arguing, and disconnection.

Self-care helps you to feel happier, rested and less stressed, which means you’re in a better position to provide emotional support to your partner if they need it. This is so important in a relationship: you need to be able to support each other equally. If one of you is doing most of the emotional heavy-lifting, then that’s going to take its toll on your relationship and your wellbeing.

4. Self-care stops resentment—on both sides

Giving up self-care when you’re in a relationship doesn’t make you a martyr or a better partner to your other half. If anything, it makes you more difficult to live with and be in a relationship with.

This may sound counter-intuitive—after all, we can sometimes associate self-care with selfishness—but it actually makes a lot of sense. Your significant other wants you to be happy, fun and fulfilled in your relationship.

Not taking care of your emotional and physical needs properly means that you’re probably not as happy as you could be. In fact, it will probably result in you being distracted, moody, irritable or stressed—which can be frustrating and upsetting to your partner.

Similarly, if you’re constantly doing things for other people (like your significant other) and never doing anything for yourself, there’s probably going to be some resentment building up. You might not realise it to start with, but you could easily end up feeling resentful and underappreciated by your partner.

Practising self-care and giving yourself enough love and attention will make you feel happier and more fulfilled—and these positive emotions will feed into your relationship.

Start with small steps today

A happy relationship begins with self-care, even if you might not have connected the two before. Looking after yourself and your personal needs will help you to be a better partner: giving you the emotional capacity to be there for your other half, and strengthening your relationship.

Don’t let it fall by the wayside; start taking small steps to add more self-care into your life and you’ll see the positive impact this will have on your relationship too.

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Waiting for Success

This is what happens when we chase success the way our modern society defines it. Such success is always relative. The “other” is necessary for me to feel successful. If I want to go ahead, there must be those who I leave behind. And the other too is trying to do the same.

Of course I pay a heavy price for such success. I gain money, fame, power and the contraptions that symbolise success but lose a lot more in the bargain—I  lose my health, my relationships, my peace of mind, my awareness and appreciation of nature, my ability to relax and allow life to unfold, my wonder and awe… all my real wealth. In fact, I would say I lose my very life because when I seek something, I end up always waiting to live, instead of living now. It’s a very big price for something so ephemeral.

A Different Kind of Neurosis

But wait a minute! My ego doesn’t think so. It is very pleased with all the possessions and acquisitions, and the sense of pride and identity it derives from them. It doesn’t matter that inside I feel like a failure because I have gained this success and yet lost the ability to enjoy it—like my friend Abhishek! If this is not neurosis, what is?

To different degrees and in different ways, we are all afflicted by the same neurosis. My friend is a mirror of my own desire; mine is not about achieving more but about making a greater positive impact on the world. Outwardly it seems like a noble intention but make no mistake—it’s just another form of neurosis, different in degree perhaps, but similar in its emphasis on “doing” and living in the future.

I can see that my conviction that some day I will finally arrive, feel truly successful and happy is an illusion, albeit a compelling one. Isn’t it absurd that even though I have no guarantee that tomorrow will come, I sacrifice my today in the hope that I will be happier when it comes?

Real Success Isn’t Pursued

I also understand that unless I change how I define success and what it means to me, my pursuit will never end. I will keep chasing and wanting and doing more—never realising that true success cannot come in the future because the future doesn’t exist, except in my imagination.

So what is true success? A wiser dimension of me whispers that it is the ability to be fully alive now. And it means to be aware of being alive. This is the awareness I need to keep coming back to, each time my neurosis threatens to take my life away from me. This is the anchor I need each time my attention moves away from living now to ‘waiting to live’.

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We see that these character traits represent our more primitive, primordial side—that side of our nature whose main purpose was to ensure our physical survival in earlier times. At the same time, we need to understand that some of these same character traits serve a useful purpose and can be the basis for good today. Here are the 10 characteristics:

The 10 primordial human traits

We are all ambitious. We want to advance—be more, do more, have more and better, whether wealth, fame, or respect.

We are all opportunistic. We tend to take advantage of situations to further our own self-interest.

We are all stubborn. We are obstinate; we refuse to listen or comply, preferring to stick with the status quo.

We are all ignorant. We don’t know all there is to know about any one thing in particular or about most things in general, and never will. Hence, each of us lives our life in a huge void of uncertainty. We don’t know who we are, why we’re here, where we came from, or where we’re going. It’s no wonder, then, that we live according to something we are not.

We are all greedy. We have an excessive, even compulsive, desire to have or acquire; we want more than we need or deserve.

We are all lazy. We have a tendency to put in the least effort to get the most results.

We are all fearful. We have a preoccupation, a concern, a feeling of anxiety, apprehension, or agitation, sometimes even terror, relating to danger, evil, or pain, whether imaginary or real.

We are all selfish. We put our own interests first, well ahead of others, to an extent that is neither fair nor right nor moral.

We are all vain. We have and project an excessively high regard for ourselves: our ideas, our opinions, our abilities, our appearance, our possessions, and so on.

We are all vengeful. We want to return an injury for an injury by inflicting punishment and pain on others for what they have done to us.

If you are offended by this list, as some might be, just ask yourself: “Have I ever exhibited this particular quality at least once in my life? Have I ever been ambitious, opportunistic, stubborn, ignorant, greedy, lazy, tearful, selfish, vain, or vengeful at least once?” I already know your answer. Now we both know that each of these qualities is in you [indeed, in varying degrees in everyone], whether you want to admit it or not.

Beyond selfish motives

So how could some of these characteristics serve us and be the basis for good? How could they add to the collective wellness and benefit humankind? Well, you could he ambitious, opportunistic. and stubborn, and use these same characteristics to help others live healthier, longer, and more productive lives. Think of all the medical researchers who have spent years—sometimes their entire careers—to come up with clues for debilitating diseases such as diabetes, tuberculosis, and leprosy. Or inventors—where would our society be today without modern telecommunications and transportation equipment and systems? Whether modern agricultural practices, new medical devices, or new materials, all were developed to serve a very real need (although in some cases, simple greed may have been a motivating factor as well). And characteristics such as ambition, opportunism. and stubbornness will continue to drive people to use their ingenuity, creativity, and innate intelligence to better the human condition.

When other, totally selfish motives are at play, however, you need to ask the question “Why?” Why have you exhibited many or all of these traits at one time or another in your life, albeit some more frequently and more passionately than others? Specifically, what is your personal pain story—your justification or rationalization for acting this way?

May I introduce to you—the ego! The ego’s power and influence over the way you think has been at work since the beginning of human history. Simply stated, it owns you, or at least it thinks it does. And most of us would have to readily agree because we haven’t seriously considered the possibility of something else as the driving force in our life.

For example, you think, feel, and do each day without really understanding the force or forces that are directing all of this; in many cases, you do whatever you do instinctively and just hope for the best. The ego represents an elaborate belief system that is in your genetic makeup, your DNA, that first and foremost has said to you and is still saying today, “Survive! Look out for number one! Nothing is more important than your personal safety, comfort, and welfare!” And survive both you and I did. But how much longer our species will survive in the way it is currently going about it is perhaps the more pressing question.

The ego’s rationale

To know you must survive implies you must be at risk. If you think you are at risk, you come to believe you must compete. [Sure, it’s a struggle, but what choice do you have?] In order to compete, you must be prepared to fight or flee. If you fight, you might lose; if you flee, you might be caught. Fear, then, is one of the main driving forces behind a lot of what you think, feel, and do.

After telling you to survive, the ego then directs you to move up the ladder to the next level and instructs you to:

• seek safety, security, and freedom from fear;
• seek acceptance, friendship, and love by associating and fraternizing with others;
• seek recognition, status, and self-respect; and finally
• prove to yourself and others that you are unique, capable, and worthy of high achievement.

Having gotten you this far, the ego tells you with great fanfare that you have finally “made” it; you are now on top of the world! And it takes full credit for getting you there! This scenario loosely describes Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of human wants and needs as first postulated in his book Motivation and Personality (1954).

Beyond self-actualization

The ego in you is always focused on building up the ego for the ego’s sake (i.e., selfish concern for me) and is totally incapable of considering more altruistic pursuits (i.e., unselfish compassion for others). Its primary goals are twofold: self-aggrandizement and survival. This must be kept top of mind when considering how the ego works. In other words, it is enemy number one (in the sense that it wants to control and direct all your thoughts, feelings, and actions) and must be recognized as such.

Maslow’s ideas are usually depicted as part of a large pyramid with live distinct levels: Physiological needs are at the very bottom, rising to safety needs, social needs, self-esteem needs, and ending with self-actualization needs at the top. Maslow’s theory in this regard is central to helping us understand our basic desires and motives for wanting more in our life. In this regard, the key question we must always ask is: “What is my real motivation for wanting more?” Is it simple self-interest (selfishness) or society’s general welfare (selflessness)? Or can the former also lead to the latter? Hmmm. What do you think as it applies to what you are trying to accomplish in your life?

Later in life, Maslow postulated that his pyramid shouldn’t stop at self-actualization needs at the very top, that in fact there is another key factor he had unwittingly left out. This he called transcendence, meaning the spiritual level that transcends the purely physical world. Maslow’s transcendence level recognizes our natural desire to act morally and ethically with compassion, humility, empathy, kindness, tolerance, benevolence, and generosity. Without taking into account this spiritual or trans-egoic side to our nature, he felt we are simply living as instinct-driven animals or pre-programmed machines.

How the belief in separation arose

An important factor that initially gave credibility and power to the ego, and continues to do so today, is that you were born as a single entity. You discovered that you came in a certain “package” or container, so to speak: a body with finite walls that were made of soft, delicate skin. You arrived in this body very much separate from everything and everyone else. Quite quickly—in fact instantly—you also found yourself all alone. This, at a time when you were the youngest, weakest and most vulnerable, is a very scary realization indeed!

But it gets even worse. Your actual physicality—your physical form—allows you to use only physical sensors to perceive what you see as only a physical world. Now, as you look out and observe all that is going on around you, your separateness is confirmed: Yes, you are separate; yes, you are alone; yes, you are at risk; yes, you must compete; yes, you must fight; and yes, there is good reason to be afraid. (Yes, those train tracks do come together somewhere off in the distance!) We are all wired—7 billion-plus people—to think this way; we are all driven instinctively to want more and more out of life, and eventually get to the so-called “top.” Knowing this, should it be any surprise that there are so many problems in the world?

The ego evolved as a necessary survival mechanism for individual human beings during the long and arduous course of human history. And it did its job very well, at least for those of us who are here today. The irony is that now it has become more of a death wish. As such, we must find ways to overcome or transcend it, not just tame it or try to control it, as it now clearly threatens both our individual and collective selves.

As we humans develop more and more efficient and innovative ways of killing each other [i.e., IEDs, cluster bombs, and unmanned, missile carrying aerial drones], and more and more invasive ways of degrading, indeed raping, the planet [i.e., open-pit mining, clear-cutting forests, and bottom-trawling the ocean floor], there is an urgency today that has never been greater in history. Whether we are able to change our ways. to rise above our destructive nature, only time will tell. Many think it is already too late.

Our true nature

We have previously described the 10 character traits that are a product of the ego, or are at least closely connected to it. In contrast, consider other traits that are beyond the ego, in fact unknown to the ego, examples of what we will call supreme virtue. They are prime examples of our true Nature. It may be that we don’t see them on display in the world as often as we would like but when we do, we usually take special notice of them. [Here, the late Nelson Mandela comes to mind.] These traits or qualities go by such names as honor, respect, compassion, empathy, humility, honesty, truthfulness, virtue, courage, industriousness, justice, righteousness, fairness, generosity, service, responsibility, forgiveness, mercy, and unconditional love.

This list is by no means complete but it’s a good beginning. Let’s see what each of them means.

10 traits of supreme virtue

1. Honor: A keen sense of right and wrong; adherence to actions and principles that are considered right.
2. Respect: To feel or show honor or esteem for others; consider or treat others with deference or courtesy.
3. Compassion: To feel sorrow or deep sympathy for the troubles or suffering of others, with an urge to help.
4. Empathy: The projection of one’s own personality into the personality of another in order to understand him better; intellectual identification of oneself with another.
5. Humility: The state or quality of being humble of mind or spirit; absence of pride or self-assertion.
6. Honesty: Refraining from lying, cheating, or stealing; being truthful, trustworthy, and upright.
7. Truthfulness: Sincerity, genuineness, honesty; the quality of being in accordance with experience, facts, or reality.
8. Virtue: General moral excellence; right action, and thinking; goodness of character.
9. Courage: The ability to face anything recognized as dangerous, difficult, or painful; quality of being fearless or brave.
10. Industriousness: The putting forth of earnest, steady effort; hardworking; diligent.

We now see how you can live authentically, meaning in a genuine and real way as opposed to a false and hypocritical way. You need only manifest the divine essence that is within you. To live authentically is to live in agreement with fact or actuality, in a manner that is consistent with who and what you are. When you are authentic, and only when you are authentic, can you be useful to a higher cause; in other words, play this game called life with much more insight, much more skill, and much more passion. This involves love: love of self, love of others, and love for all things, both animate and inanimate.

The only alternative is to stay trapped into trying to prove to the world that you are a “somebody,” indeed a special somebody. The irony is that you don’t even know who this somebody is that you are pretending to be. It’s like every day is Halloween and you don a different costume that you think best suits the occasion: “Hey, do you like me like this? No? Then how about this? Or this? Or this? Please, like some version or variation of me!”

Hypocrite means:

1. an actor, one who plays a part;
2. a pretender; an imposter;
3. a person who pretends to be what he is not;
4. one who pretends to be better than he really is or pious, virtuous, etc., without really being so.

Are you living a lie?

When you live thinking you are a human being having an occasional spiritual experience, (for example, adopting virtuous behavior only when it suits you and the circumstances), you have to ask yourself, “Am I really what I pretend to be?” In other words, is being spiritual only a part-time job?” At a deep, subconscious level, you know you are not; you are living falsely, dishonestly, and inconsistently. In fact, you are living a lie.

Yes, a lie that you have been led to believe by authority figures, caretakers and well-wishers of all kinds who constantly told you to do this but do not do that; believe this but do not believe that; act like this but do not act like that; go to this church but do not go to that church; enjoy doing this but do not enjoy doing that, etc. And you have never seriously questioned all of their dictates. These people, after all, were much older and wiser than you, and supposedly had your best interests in mind; shouldn’t they know?

All professional actors live a lie when they perform on a stage and take on the persona of someone they are not. And it is an extremely difficult and stressful undertaking, to which most would readily attest. Now consider spending all of your waking moment pretending you are someone you know you are not. This results in a serious case of cognitive dissonance: You are aware there is a disconnect. You say to yourself, “I don’t like this game; I’m not very good at playing this game; I don’t want to continue playing this game.” You show your displeasure by resorting to the usual primitive behaviors that result from disappointment, frustration, and anger: you lash out, you criticize, and you complain. Yes, you demonstrate all the usual mean-mindedness, even invectiveness, that is indicative of the fact that you are not happy.

Happiness isn’t a by-product

Everyday happiness is defined as having, showing, or causing a feeling of great pleasure, contentment, joy, or gratification. And for many, to be happy is the primary purpose of life. But real, authentic happiness is not fleeting, nor is it something that can be had indirectly. Rather it is the result of a deep knowing that comes from being and doing what is in accordance with who and what you are. It’s when you are in a state of continuous validation of your very essence, living as your true Self.

In other words, authentic happiness is not a by-product of something else. You cannot buy it, steal it, eat it, drink it, or touch it as an entity in its own right as many thieves, con artists, fast food addicts, alcoholics, drug addicts, and sex addicts would have you believe. It can be had only directly, with no strings attached. Happiness is an energy and a force, and not a result of anything physical in the world. You can never hope to put your hands around it, caress it and say, “Wow! Look: I finally have this thing called happiness.”

Here is a keen observation by popular American singer and comedian Margaret Young (1891–1969): “Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the exact reverse: You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.”

Consider these words by Lama Surya Das in his book Awakening the Buddha Within (1997) about how to move beyond your first impulse, the ego: “As you walk the inner path of awakening, recognize that it is most definitely a heroic journey. You must be prepared to make sacrifices, and yes, you must be prepared to change. Just as a caterpillar must shed its familiar cocoon in order to become a butterfly and fly, you must be willing to change and shed the hard armor of self-centered egotism. As compelling as the inner journey is, it can be difficult because it brings you face to face with reality. It brings you face-to-face with who you really are.”

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For as long as I can remember, I’ve been asking my gurus/teachers only one question: “What is happiness?” After what seemed like an awfully long search for an answer, I derived my understanding of happiness: For me happiness revolves around four aspects of life.

Health

Imagine a day when everything is going right for you but you are experiencing a splitting headache, would you feel happy? The answer is a definite NO. Our body is an extremely intelligent machine. It keeps giving us signals when something needs to be addressed. If the body is not healthy, we cannot function optimally. Life could become a burden for someone who constantly falls sick. Just like a machine that works all day, so does our body; so it is important to make sure that this machine gets high quality fuel, enough downtime and regular repair and maintenance i.e. good food, enough sleep and regular exercise.

I firmly believe that “Yoga is the only form of exercise that leaves you energised yet calm”. Even after doing 50 suryanamaskars [if done correctly], there is a sense of balance and calmness in the body and mind. So to me, physical wellbeing and freedom from illness is the foundation of happiness.

Relationships

Sharing great relationships with your loved ones is a beautiful space to be in. As humans we need to have connection in our lives, people we love and people who love us back. We are after all social animals. Have you noticed how an argument with someone can be so draining for us? It can change our mental state immediately and make us uncomfortable. On the other hand, healthy and peaceful relationships are so comforting. If the relationships that matter most are healthy, we experience happiness within.

Sense of purpose

We all need a sense of purpose to drive us. Having something to look forward to every morning is a great motivation. It should just be something that you love doing and wish to do more of. This need not be categorised as right or wrong or something lofty that will change the world; as long as it makes you feel good, it fits the bill.

Don’t you feel drained when you do things just because you have to do them? Take a moment and think of your favorite activity, and remember that day when you didn’t have to push yourself even to wake up at 4am to do what you love doing.

Journey

If the journey is not interesting, it doesn’t matter how good the destination is. Life becomes boring unknowingly. Let’s assume you are on a long plane journey to an exotic destination with your loved one, and you get into an argument on the flight. What a bummer! It can ruin the whole vacation no matter how exciting the destination may seem. Similarly in life, if we focus on enjoying our present moment, life can be a lot simpler and enjoyable. If you enjoy every moment of your journey, life is rocking.

In my opinion, striking a balance between these four pillars is what brings happiness. When all of these are in place, we don’t need to chase happiness. We just have to live our life and these work as magnets that will attract happiness to you.

Would love to hear from you. Do write to me your thoughts on what brings you happiness.

The post The four magnets that can attract happiness into your life appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Every individual must give his or her own consent to being happy. Unhappiness is also a choice, evidenced by individuals who are addicted to constant grumbling and complaining. As a simple example of how little it takes to get us hooked, consider pet peeves. Woe unto that person who triggers our pet peeves! Whether it’s someone who gets in front of us in the “10 items or less” grocery checkout line and actually has a minimum of 18 things loaded into his cart, or the individual who dashes into our parking place just as we are getting ready to turn into it, we can make ourselves miserable over our pet peeves. We’ll even devote 15 precious minutes complaining about such events to a friend on the phone. As Gurdjieff, a Russian teacher and mystic observed, “A man will renounce pleasure, but he will not give up his suffering.” Strangely, negative individuals live in a paradox where unhappiness gives them a sense of false happiness. Have you ever had a person affirm your suffering, yet accuse you of being in denial when you indicated you still felt a sense of well-being in the midst of it? Perhaps it is this mindset that gave birth to the saying “misery loves company.”

Sadness is not the opposite of happiness

Sometimes what is required is to re-frame our definition of happiness. Happiness is not the absence of sadness. Sadness is the complement to happiness. It is absolutely possible to remain happy while being aware that sadness is passing through us.

We have somehow bought into the belief that sadness is a synonym for depression. The collective mind of our society has reached a consensus that the slightest onset of sadness requires an immediate remedy, be it a medical prescription or the self-medication of our choice. This is a misunderstanding. Sadness can open our hearts, touch our soft spot and gift us with compassion for our own and the challenges of others. It can open us to our true feelings so that we can begin working with them; it can create space for qualities of mind to manifest such as patience and loving-kindness for ourselves and others. Sadness is a doorway to profound growth and self-awareness. We can simultaneously experience sadness and grieve our losses knowing that we have everything we need within us to see us through, to support us as we use skillful means to navigate the ever-changing terrain of life. In contrast, genuine depression brings impairment in our work, self-care, and social activities, and requires professional attention.

As we begin to consciously choose happiness as a way of life, we are led to the realisation that joy is our natural state of being

That real happiness is not conditioned by outer circumstances is a fact that cannot be overstated. Dostoevsky’s insight reveals how we may actualise this unconditionedness: “In suffering, look for happiness.” Any day of the week we can read or hear about everyday people who have been elevated to heroes and heroines because they maintained their joy and zest for life amidst circumstances that were anything but happy. Did they possess skills superior to the average person? No. They tapped into the inexhaustible deep roots of happiness within the human spirit, roots that transcend life’s external conditions and cannot be destroyed by the dust and grit of the journey. Nothing and no one can remove the fountain of happiness that is our ground of being. Nor can they interrupt its flow. We hold the key to freedom in our hands when we become aware that we alone are responsible for our state of being.

When we are happy our hearts and minds are open, receptive, flexible, creative and teachable—qualities that are prerequisites for success. As we begin to consciously choose happiness as a way of life, we are led to the realisation that joy is our natural state of being. Happiness enriches us. Happiness generates more happiness.

Why material goods can’t bring lasting happiness

Now happiness isn’t simply about decorating the ego, such as adding a new credential after our name, collecting award plaques for our walls, or fame and fortune. As lovely and rewarding as these experiences are, they give only superficial, temporary pleasure. Happiness is not about acquisition, such as when we buy a new car. For weeks after we drive our prized possession off the lot we enjoy that wonderful aroma of “newness” that hits the olfactory nerves each time we enter our vehicle. Soon enough, however, that pleasant fragrance turns into the smell of stale green tea and we must begin looking for a replacement. So let us not confuse happiness with pleasure. Pleasure is temporary, fleeting, whereas happiness is a constant.

When the energy of our thought-forms radiates out into life, universal law responds. Whether we are conscious of it or not, we are given constant feedback from the Universe. If your thought-form of happiness is owning a TV screen that is bigger than your overall vision for your life and the TV breaks down, then you have lost the source of your happiness. Certainly we are to enjoy the pleasures of human existence, but grasping at material baubles or being constantly entertained so that we can remain anti-bored until we die cannot substitute for the unconditional happiness that comes from consciously participating in a co-creative relationship with the Spirit, and living in alignment with the harmonic laws governing the universe. So what are the inroads to such a relationship?

The bane of human experience is that human beings think they know how the Universe should answer their prayers

Inroads to a relationship with the Spirit

The first way

First, we tap directly into the root of our inherent joy through time-tested practices such as meditation, affirmative prayer, contemplation, spiritual study, Life Visioning and selfless service. In this way we imbue our egoic, mental, physical, financial, professional, communal, relational, and spiritual life structures with that joy. Harmonious relationships, creativity, prosperity and generosity of heart become the hallmarks of our outer successes.

The second way

A second way is to move through life with an affirmative point of view, a “yes” approach, which maintains an openness and receptivity to the field of infinite possibilities. A person whose life-view is affirmative radiates a glow from within that is highly magnetic and contagious. Luminosity radiates from an authentically happy individual and cannot be extinguished, hijacked or robbed by external circumstances.

The third way

The third way is to realise that we are on the planet to deliver our gifts, talents and skills without attachment to the outcome. When we remain non-attached we go beyond mentally limiting our good to that which, we are convinced, we need to be happy. The bane of human experience is that human beings think they know how the Universe should answer their prayers. As I teach in the Life Visioning Process and in my book Spiritual Liberation, we are here not to make something happen; we are here to let ourselves be available as a distribution centre for that which is possible on a cosmic level. This can be a challenge to goal setting, which always seeks a successful outcome that makes us look and feel good. Our part, however, is to make our delivery with all the passion, creativity, intelligence and non-attachment that we can, to offer it as an unconditional gift that seeks no reward, that has no agenda other than to give of itself.

The fourth way

The fourth way to genuine happiness is to drop our false sense of self-importance, our egoic notions that the world revolves around us. Just as it was believed that the sun revolved around the Earth until modern science proved that it is Earth that revolves around the sun, so is the fallacy that happiness revolves around an egocentric way of life giving way to a new paradigm that happiness is a world-centric way of life. When we slow down our speedy mind we become more present and mindful of how we can reach out to support others right on the spot, which can be as simple as taking the time to open a door for someone to saving a life. Arrogance is replaced by humility; self-absorption is replaced by the realisation of our interconnectedness to our world family. Being of service to others is welcomed as an opportunity to open and expand the heart beyond the narrow confines of living life on the “me plan.”

The fifth way

Gratitude is the fifth way to tap into the wellspring of happiness. It is interesting to observe how often our attention goes to what we don’t have, while gratitude for what we do have is pushed into the background. Gratitude heals the spiritual astigmatism of lack and limitation; it clarifies the mind so that we may see the opportunities and possibilities which abundantly surround us. The saying that “opportunity only knocks once” is the product of a limited understanding of the generosity of the Universe. Gratitude is acceptance of the Good that is ours when we know ourselves to be worthy of receiving it.

The natural urge of the human being is to share. Generosity takes us directly into the heart of happiness because it gives expression to our oneness with every man, woman, and child gracing the planet. When we hear on the news or read about individuals who, on a global scale, share their wealth to uplift the lives of others, it is very moving and inspiring. Equally or even more touching is how everyday people in our local community send donations or items to support a perfect stranger whose plight they just learned about on the news, a person from whom they will receive no public acknowledgment of their givingness. We may think to ourselves, “I’d like to do such a wonderful thing.” The truth is that each of us can. Whether it’s a dollar given with a loving heart, or millions of dollars to an organisation that feeds a nation, the universe rejoices.

The happiness we give to others returns to us multiplied abundantly

Harvard researchers conducted a study that showed how giving—no matter how simple in form—is such a potent immune booster that it can be experienced just by watching someone else in the act of giving. What a powerful statement about our inter-connectedness! In this well-known experiment students watched a film of Mother Teresa as she tended the sick in Calcutta. When tested, even those that insisted they weren’t particularly fans of Mother Teresa had increased their immune function.

A person filled with happiness is one who has captured a vision for his or her life that is beyond living on the me and mine plan. When our purpose in life encompasses more than fulfilling our individual desires and includes the happiness of others, we will know the meaning of true wealth. Through heartfelt acts of generosity we create and sustain a cycle of happiness, and the happiness we give to others returns to us multiplied abundantly.

Is happiness possible in the times we live in?

Considering all the challenges we are currently facing in our world, happiness may seem a frivolous intention. We cannot deny the circumstances and events human beings are grappling with at this time in our history. Any meaningful discussion about happiness cannot ignore the pains of war, genocide, slavery, human trafficking, immigration challenges, AIDS, economic collapse, starvation, poverty, or the depletion of Earth’s resources. And yet, when we examine the lives of individuals who have made and continue to make a tremendous impact in forwarding the causes of justice, peace, and honouring the dignity of all beings—luminaries such as Nelson Mandela, Dr. A. T. Ariyaratne, Mother Teresa, Gandhi, Thich Nhat Hanh, Martin Luther King, Jr., the Dalai Lama—we see that in spite of their endless challenges they maintained their inner equanimity, their integral happiness. Remaining attuned to their inner core of happiness gave them the perseverance, the compassion, the courage and strength to forge ahead despite seemingly impossible obstacles. They demonstrate for us how inner joy can be experienced in the midst of extraordinarily challenging situations, and that what they have done so may we do, each in our own simple yet impactful way.

Let us all take heart knowing that right on the ground where we now stand, we may anchor happiness on the planet and share it with all those who we come in contact with.

The post Tapping the root of happiness appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Are you ready to give yourself that choice

Most people don’t dare give themselves that choice because they think it’s not under their control. Someone might say, “Well, of course I want to be happy, but my wife left me.” In other words, they want to be happy, but not if their wife leaves them. But that wasn’t the question. The question was, very simply, “Do you want to be happy or not?” If you keep it that simple, you will see that it really is under your control. It’s just that you have a deep-seated set of preferences that gets in the way.

Let’s say you’ve been lost and without food for days, and you finally find your way to a house. You can hardly make it to the doorstep, but you manage to pull yourself up and knock on the door. Somebody opens the door, looks at you and says, “Oh my God! You poor thing! Do you want something to eat? What would you like?” Now the truth is, you really don’t care what they give you. You just utter the word “food.” And because you really mean it when you say you need food, it no longer has anything to do with your mental preferences. The same goes for the question about happiness. The question is simply “Do you want to be happy?” If the answer is really yes, then say it without qualifying it. After all, what the question really means is “Do you want to be happy from this point forward for the rest of your life, regardless of what happens?”

Now, if you say yes, it might happen that your wife leaves you, or your husband dies, or the stock market crashes, or your car breaks down on an open highway at night. Those things might happen between now and the end of your life. But if you want to walk the highest spiritual path, then when you answer yes to that simple question, you must really mean it. It’s not a question of whether your happiness is under your control. Of course it’s under your control. It’s just that you don’t really mean it when you say you’re willing to stay happy. You want to qualify it. You want to say that as long as this doesn’t happen, or as long as that does happen, then you’re willing to be happy. That’s why it seems like it is out of your control. Any condition you create will limit your happiness. You don’t have to learn Sanskrit or read any scriptures. You don’t have to renounce the world. This is truly a spiritual path, and it is as direct and sure a path to awakening as could possibly exist.

The path to happiness is all about choices

Once you decide you want to be unconditionally happy, something inevitably will happen that challenges you. This test of your commitment is exactly what stimulates spiritual growth. In fact, it is the unconditional aspect of your commitment that makes this the highest path. It’s so simple. You just have to decide whether or not you will break your vow. When everything is going well, it’s easy to be happy. But the moment something difficult happens, it’s not so easy. You tend to find yourself saying, “But I didn’t know this was going to happen. I didn’t think I’d miss my flight. I didn’t think Sally would show up at the party wearing the same dress that I had on. I didn’t think that somebody would dent my brand-new car one hour after I got it.

The purpose of your life is to enjoy and learn from your experiences. You were not put on Earth to suffer

Things are going to happen. The purpose of your life is to enjoy and learn from your experiences. You were not put on Earth to suffer. You’re not helping anybody by being miserable. Regardless of your philosophical beliefs, the fact remains that you were born and you are going to die. During the time in between, you get to choose whether or not you want to enjoy the experience.

This path leads you to absolute transcendence because any part of your being that would add a condition to your commitment to happiness has got to go. If you want to be happy, you have to let go of the part of you that wants to create melodrama. This is the part that thinks there’s a reason not to be happy. You have to transcend the personal, and as you do, you will naturally awaken to the higher aspects of your being.

In the end, enjoying life’s experiences is the only rational thing to do. You’re sitting on a planet spinning around in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Go ahead, take a look at reality. You’re floating in empty space in a universe that goes on forever.

This choice to enjoy life will lead you through your spiritual journey. In truth, it is itself a spiritual teacher.

Adapted with permission from the book The Untethered Soul – The Journey Beyond Yourself by New Harbinger Publications, Inc. The Untethered Soul® is a registered trademark of Shanti Publications, Inc.

The post The unfailing way to be happy, always appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

If you’re like most, your list may contain items like a loving spouse, obedient children, good health, a decent salary [or profits, if you’re a businessman], a more understanding boss, more hardworking subordinates, amiable neighbours, a safer city, a better government, a cleaner environment and so on…

Once you’re done, go over your list and put a cross against the items that, in your opinion, are missing from your life right now. It’s a good bet that the more the number of crosses, the more powerless you feel, and the greater is the misery quotient in your life.

Why entitlement is wrong

Entitlement, by definition, is a ‘right’. But in my reckoning it’s totally wrong. If you reflect a bit, you will realise that by feeling entitled, you’re giving your power to others. How? By insisting that ‘they’ behave in a manner that pleases you, and when they don’t, you feel hurt, frustrated and angry, blaming others for your despair.

Every time someone speaks to you rudely, treats you ‘unfairly’ or does a myriad things that you think you don’t deserve, it’s because of your feeling of entitlement.

It’s actually quite easy to spot entitlement in your daily life. Simply watch out when you use words like ‘should’ ‘must’, ‘ought to’, ‘need to’, ‘got to’, ‘have to’, and the like. Whenever you do, know that a feeling of entitlement is lurking beneath somewhere, no matter how justified you think your ‘demand’ is. Because, at the heart of entitlement is this phenomenon called demandingness, which is nothing but insisting that the world owes us our happiness.

Allow it to unfold

Here’s a promise: the quality of your life will improve immediately if you shorten your list of entitlements. Try it for yourself. Make a decision to give up some of your entitlements and see the difference.

Let me assure you that letting go of entitlements does not mean giving up all hope. It only means that you go from expecting to accepting.

When you accept reality the way it is, you begin to view others as well as situations in an objective manner. You then begin to understand that while it is wonderful to receive love and respect, get a fair boss or a competent government, demanding the same only puts you in the corner. Acceptance is smarter and wiser—you do whatever is in your control, and let go, allowing the world to unfold the way it has to. Because you know it will, regardless of your demands that it do otherwise.

In truth, we are entitled to nothing. Those who realise this essential truth lose all need to control and manipulate others or insist that the reality be any different than what it is. Such people have traded their entitlement for enlightenment—a clever deal, I’d say.

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So what are the keys to living healthy in your old age?  Believe it or not, they are basically the same as they were in your younger years.   The main difference is that the consequences for not applying these keys will be much greater now than they were in your youth.

1. Start Early

Don’t think you can live an unhealthy, out of control, life for 50 years, then suddenly flick the switch and go healthy for the remainder of your years.  Bad habits and addictions form after a number of years and it is very difficult to turn them around.  So, the earlier you start adopting healthy habits, the easier it will be to continue in old age.  That being said, it’s never too late to begin living healthy.

2. Clean Up Your Act

Drugs, alcohol, tobacco, unrestricted sex, gambling and other forms of extreme or excessive behavior have a negative effect on our immediate and long term physical and mental health.  If your attachment to these substances or behaviors is so strong that you don’t think you could ever give them up, then cut back on them.  Better yet, substitute them with something healthy.  For example, drink Kombucha instead of alcohol, breathe deeply using pranayama techniques instead of sucking on cigarettes and chant mantras instead of consuming drugs, etc.

3. Eat Healthy Vegetarian Foods

Load up on high fiber fruits and vegetables, whole grains, legumes and healthy fats like coconut, olive and flax seed oil, avocados, nuts and seeds.  The Vedas also tell us that dairy products made from healthy, protected and loved cows is an excellent source of protein and the perfect brain food.  These foods are called “sattvic“, or in the mode of goodness.  They are very conducive for the health of body, mind and spirit.

On the other hand, according to the Vedas, meat, fish and eggs are in the modes of “tamas” (Ignorance) or “rajas” (passion).  They create an internal environment where disease can thrive and they have a tendency to cloud up the mind’s clarity.  They also have the unhealthy effect of bad karma.

So, next time you go shopping, look for those sattvic, health-giving foods.

4. Do Hatha Yoga and/or other forms of exercise

The various stretches, constrictions, breathing and relaxation techniques of hatha yoga have a long litany of health benefits.  Yoga asanas are reputed to relieve pain, loosen stiff muscles, increase mobility, reduce arthritis, improve chronic disorders, create mental balance, energize and vitalize, boost immunity, drop blood pressure, prevent IBS and digestive disorders, reduce tension, stimulate the glands, induce weight loss, improve blood flow and lower blood sugar, build muscle strength, maintain the nervous system, regulate the adrenal glands, promote sound sleep, increase confidence and creativity, improve focus, and give a sense of peace of mind.  And, most importantly, yoga makes you a happier person.

Other exercise disciplines with similar effects include Tai Chi and QiGong.  These Chinese disciplines have a wide variety of practices.  Some internal forms are very simple and easy for the elderly to practice and benefit from.  As your skills improve, there are more complex and challenging external styles to learn.  In other words, the appeal of QiGong and Tai Chi is that anyone can benefit from them regardless of their age or ability.

As great as these eastern disciplines are, don’t forget hiking, swimming, biking, tennis, golf and other traditional forms of outdoors exercise.  Make it a habit to get out into nature, and get plenty of sunshine, fresh air, and clean water.

5. Meditate

In the truest sense of the word, meditation means to fix one’s mind and entire being on the Supreme.  Therefore, one needs to believe in a Supreme Being, or at least have a desire to know if the Supreme exists or not.  If successful, the greatest benefit of such meditation is pure, unalloyed love for the Supreme and for all other living entities.  Any other form of “meditation” should technically be called Pre-meditation.

Examples of Pre-meditation are fixing one’s mind upon a beautiful sunset, or on a candle flame, or on the tip of your nose, etc.  The benefits of Pre-meditation are numerous, but we’ll just mention a few here:  it normalizes the blood pressure, relieves stress, clears the mind, improves the thought process, increases creativity, makes it easier to give up bad habits like smoking, drinking and drugs, helps gain self-control, improves the immune system, creates a road to forgiveness, and leads to a happier, more satisfying life.

So, whether you’re a person of faith, an agnostic, or an atheist, meditation and/or pre-meditation can be of immense value.

6. Add the Healing Effects of Transcendental Sound to Your Life

The Transcendental Sound is also known as mantra.  “Man” means the mind, and “tra” means to transcend or free.  So a mantra not only frees the mind of worldly troubles, but also helps us transcend, or go beyond, the realm of the mind.  A mantra can be repeated in several different ways:

1. Silently while meditating
2. Quietly while using a mala, or set of beads, to count the number of repetitions you chant (Japa)
3. Out loud in coordination with breathing exercises (Mantra Breathing)
4. Congregationally with a group of people, usually singing with melodies and musical instruments (Kirtan).

Mantras are very powerful and have many of the healing benefits listed in the yoga and meditation sections, plus a lot more.  Personally, I have filled an ipod with 24 hours of various kirtans.  At home, instead of listening to the radio or to materialistic songs, I always have the transcendental sounds playing in the background 24/7.  These transcendental sounds have a tremendously uplifting effect on my life, and they will on yours too.

7. Cleansing Techniques

Practically everyone knows that their automobile needs to be maintained on a regular basis.  The oil, the oil filter, the air filter and the fuel filter need to be changed every few months, according to use and abuse.  Likewise, the radiator needs an occasional flushing, the brake pads and fluid need to be changed when worn down, and the transmission fluid needs to be changed before it gets too dirty and gritty, and so on. Similarly, the body’s internal organs need to be cleansed or flushed out on a semi regular basis.  If we don’t consciously cleanse these organs, then Mother Nature will do the job for us in the form of colds, fevers and other sicknesses which are simply nature’s way of cleansing the body.  However, if we use drugs and medications to suppress Mother Nature’s cleansing attempts; then, sooner or later, we will quite likely end up on the surgeon’s operating table with one severely diseased organ or another.

More advanced hatha yoga processes, such as neti, dhauti, nauli, basti, kapalbhati, etc. have been designed to vitalize the digestive, circulatory, respiratory, and nervous systems of the body. They also have a cleansing effect upon the internal organs such as the stomach, intestines, colon, liver, kidneys, gall bladder, lungs, nasal passages, eyes and ears.  In short, it could be said that these yoga processes have a purifying effect upon the body which brings about an increased energy flow.   As such, one’s ability to work, think, taste, feel and digest increases, as does one’s awareness.

The problem is that most of these yoga techniques are rather advanced, and one should only attempt them under the guidance of a qualified yoga instructor.  Such persons are rather rare nowadays.

However, if you can’t find a yoga instructor skilled in these processes, no worries.  There are plenty of cleansing protocols which you can take up on your own, or more preferably, under the guidance of a naturopath or similar health practitioner.

8. Fast

While yogis and other transcendentalists have always incorporated fasting into their lifestyle for spiritual, as well as physical and mental reasons, fasting has now become increasingly popular with those in the health community.  Sensible and regulated fasting, perhaps 2 to 4 days a month, is very beneficial for your health.

Fasting helps with weight loss, as it allows the body to burn fat, rather than sugar as its primary source of energy.  It speeds up the metabolism, improves insulin sensitivity, promotes longevity, helps regulate eating patterns, improves brain function, and builds up the immune system.  It is also said to clear up the skin and prevent acne.

More importantly, fasting is conducive to self-awareness and spiritual enlightenment.  A great deal of our energy is spent trying to digest our food.  When the body is relieved of that duty, it can redirect that energy towards spiritual awakening or enlightenment.

In the Vedic system, there are two days a month set aside for fasting.  These days are called ekadasi. Ekadasi days are specifically designed as a time where we decrease our material activities and increase our spiritual activities.   Thus, we are spiritually and mentally nourished, as well as bodily.

9. Read Uplifting Literature

The most uplifting literatures are the scriptures:  the Bible, Torah, Koran, Bhagavad Gita, etc.; and those literatures which support the scriptures.  They provide us encouragement and teach us about healing, faith, forgiveness, prayer, charity, our identity, love and much more.  For a healthy and happy life, it is highly recommended that we daily bath our intellect in the profound revelations of these holy books.

10. Know the Purpose of Your Life

Know who you are and why you are here.  A life with purpose is full of joyfulness and vigor, whereas an unenlightened life is often plagued with boredom, purposelessness, addictions and depression.

11. Get Regulated

Try to regulate your life in an organized manner.  Wake up, evacuate, eat, work, recreate and go to bed at specific times.  The rhythms of the universe, such as the rising and setting of the sun, are very consistent.  Therefore, we know when the sun will rise from one day to another, and we can positively count on it.  Similarly, if we regulate our daily activities, then the body’s various internal systems come to know what to expect.  Thus they shift into a consistent rhythmic flow, similar to tuning up an automobile, syncing the timing, and getting it to run on all cylinders.  This is very beneficial for our health.  In contrast, if we have unregulated, uncontrolled habits, then the body’s natural rhythms get out of sync and we’ll start feeling and functioning like an vehicle running on 2 or 3 cylinders.

You also want to follow the path of moderation.  Don’t eat too much, and don’t eat too little.  Don’t sleep too much, and don’t sleep too little. Don’t exercise too much and don’t exercise too little.

12. Keep connected with Family and Friends

Love and close friendships are the greatest rewards in life.  Put efforts to improve social harmony, nourish the relationships you have, and go out into the community and make more friends.

13. Serve Others

The world is full of people and other living beings who need material and spiritual help.  Figure out where you can be of some service to them.

Nearly every community has stray or abandoned animals, battered women, abused children, the poor and homeless, the disabled, the elderly, people hoping for a better way of life, and the spiritually deprived.   How can you help at least one of these people?  Look deeply into your personal assets, and then figure out how you can help others, either on your own, with a group of people, or by volunteering with an organization.

Do you have skills that someone would appreciate learning?  Perhaps you could be an assistant teacher at the local school, or start up a yoga class, a cooking class, a music class, and a community garden, teach people entrepreneur skills or simply donate money or time to those who are already helping others in one way or another?

The point is, use your time and energy in the service of others.  They may not be the only ones to benefit.

14. Respect the Earth and Do Something to Improve It

For better or worse, the earth is our home and will be the home for many generations to come.  Try to make it a better place than it was when you arrived.  If there are some barren plots near you, think about planting some trees, or turning it into a community garden.  Garbage strewn along the sides of the roadways in your community?  Volunteer to clean it up.

Be A Force For Good In The World | Science of Identity Foundation

Get involved in knowing the possible reasons and its actions with respect to sustaining the local and global environmental issues of the day, and do what you can to make the earth a better place to live.

15. Give up Trying To Be The Controller

We all want to be in total control, to have things done our way, and have people act as we wish them to act,  have governments pass laws and regulations which we deem necessary and rescind ones we think useless.  In other words, we are all thinking how much better this world would be if everyone would conform to our will.  And, we spend a lot of psychic energy trying to make it happen our way, or worrying about things which we have absolutely no control over.

Sorry, but you and I are not in control.  We can do what we can do; but ultimately, the results are out of our control.  So, let go.  Don’t drain your mental energy worrying about that which is beyond your control.  As the old saying goes: “Be the change you want to see in the world.”  This is something we can achieve, and it’s a much healthier way to live.

16. Love and Serve the Supreme Being

The awakening of pure love of God is the ultimate perfection of all religions and religious principles, and of life itself. In fact, love of God is life, itself. “Life” without love of God, is not really Life, in the truest sense of the word.   “Life” without love of God, is life in the sense that one exists, is sentient, is capable of growing and reproducing, etc., but is lacking in those qualities which intrinsically exist  with real life, i.e. a heightened awareness of one’s eternality, encompassed with full and absolute knowledge,  and overwhelming blissfulness.  In other words, this apparent, or shadow of, “life” in comparison with the real thing, is basically just a sad version of “Dead Men Walking.”

Love: The Religion Of The Soul | Jagad Guru Siddhaswarupananda Paramahamsa Chris Butler

Service cannot be separated from Love.  Service is love in action.  For instance, if a mother loves her child, she will serve that child.  She will change his dirty diapers, prepare nice foodstuffs for him to eat, hold and nurture him during times of distress, etc.  On the other hand, if she claims she loves her child, but refuses to change his dirty diapers, neglects to feed him, and locks him in a sound proof room where she won’t be bothered by his constant whining, instead of nurturing him or trying to find the cause of his distress, does she really love him?   I would venture to say no.  Certainly not as much as the mother who is willing to sacrifice her own comfort and peace of mind for the welfare of her beloved child.

When trying to develop our love for the Supreme Being, there are two kinds of instructions:  General and Specific.  General instructions can be found in the scriptures and in the teachings of previous saintly persons.  For instance, Jesus’ first commandment, “Love the Father with all your heart, your mind and your entire being,” is considered a general instruction.  Read the scriptures, pray, sing the names of God, and engage in selfless service are also examples of general instructions.

Specific instructions are given by a living saint, or representative of God, also known as an Acharya, or a teacher by example.  The Acharya considers our psychic makeup, then gives us specific instructions which are tailor-made for each individual and meant to bring us to a deeper level of love and surrender to the Supreme Being.

Love is ever expanding, so there is never a time when we can say, “That’s it.  I’ve reached the apex of life and now I can kick back and rest on my laurels.”  When preparing sweet rice or condensed milk, the longer you cook it, the thicker and sweeter it gets.  Similarly, as our love continues to grow and expand, the sweeter and more intense it becomes.  However, with the milk preparations, there does come a time when you must pull them off the stove or they will burn.  That’s where the analogy fails to measure up.  Pure love is ever expanding, ever fresh, and forever getting sweeter and sweeter.  But even in its infant stages, when pure love awakens in our hearts, we can be assured that we are nearing the end of our quest for perfect health.

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