Why Communication Breaks Down

Most communication difficulties between couples do not begin with a single dramatic event. They develop through small misunderstandings, unspoken expectations, and emotional reactions that accumulate over time. Different communication styles play a significant role: one partner may prefer to address conflict directly, while the other withdraws to avoid confrontation. This creates what therapists call the pursue-withdraw dynamic, where one person pushes for resolution, the other pulls back, and both end up feeling frustrated and unseen.

Communication problems are also frequently symptoms of something deeper. Emotional triggers rooted in past experiences, sometimes from long before the relationship, can prevent partners from using communication skills they already intellectually possess. Knowing you should use “I” statements rather than accusations is one thing. Being able to do so in a moment of emotional intensity is another.

Nonverbal communication adds another layer. Tone, body language, facial expressions, and silence all carry meaning, and misreading them is a common source of conflict, particularly when partners are already on edge.

The Role of Couples Therapy

Couples therapy provides a structured, neutral space where both partners can express themselves without the conversation derailing into conflict. A trained therapist helps slow communication down so that instead of reacting immediately, couples learn to pause, reflect, and respond with more intention. This shift alone can reduce emotional intensity considerably.

Therapists also help couples identify communication patterns they may not recognize on their own. The pursue-withdraw cycle, for instance, rarely feels like a pattern from the inside. Instead, it feels like your partner is refusing to engage, or refusing to leave it alone. Naming the dynamic changes how both people experience it.

Active Listening and Validation

A significant part of rebuilding communication between couples involves learning to listen properly. In conflict, rather than listening most people are preparing their response. Couples therapy addresses this through active listening practice: giving full attention to the speaker, reflecting back what was heard, and resisting the urge to respond before the other person feels understood.

Validation is equally important, and it is often misunderstood. It does not mean agreeing with your partner — it means acknowledging their feelings and letting them know you have heard them. When people feel genuinely heard, they become more open to hearing their partner’s perspective in return.

Understanding Emotional Needs and Triggers

Every individual carries emotional patterns shaped by past experience. Couples therapy helps partners explore what situations trigger strong reactions in them, how those reactions connect to earlier experiences, and why certain arguments keep recurring regardless of the topic.

This awareness creates a shift from blame to understanding. Arguments that appear to be about household chores, punctuality, or finances are often expressions of unmet emotional needs for respect, security, or acknowledgement. Recognizing this changes how couples approach disagreement.

Related reading » 6 Common Fight Starters Among Married Couples

Practical Tools for Daily Communication

Therapy introduces specific techniques couples can apply in their interactions outside sessions:

“I” statements

Replacing “You never listen” with “I feel unheard when…” shifts the conversation from accusation to expression.

Structured breaks

Agreeing to pause a conversation when it becomes too heated, with a set time to return to it, prevents escalation.

Direct expression of needs

Stating what you need rather than expecting it to be inferred reduces resentment.

Reflective listening

Before responding, briefly summarizing what your partner said confirms you have understood them correctly.

Nonverbal awareness

Paying attention to tone, eye contact, and body language, both your own and your partner’s, as part of the exchange.

Scheduled check-ins

Setting aside regular, low-pressure time to talk about the relationship before issues accumulate.

Effective communication is a skill which means it can be learned and, with practice, improved. Small, consistent changes in how partners speak and listen compound over time.

The Benefits of Couples Therapy

For couples who engage with the process consistently, the gains are often broader than they expected when they first sought help.

• Stronger emotional connection. Partners develop a deeper understanding of each other’s inner world, not just their behavior.
• Better conflict resolution. Disagreements become less frequent and less damaging as both partners develop tools to manage them.
• Rebuilt trust. Consistent, respectful communication repairs trust that has eroded over time.
• Greater intimacy. Feeling heard and understood creates emotional safety, which is the foundation of genuine closeness.
• Increased relationship satisfaction. Couples who communicate well report higher overall satisfaction and resilience during difficult periods.
• Improved individual wellbeing. Relationship stress affects mental and physical health; resolving it has benefits beyond the partnership itself.

When to Consider Couples Therapy

Many couples delay seeking help, assuming therapy is only for relationships in crisis. In practice, earlier intervention tends to produce better outcomes. Resentment has less time to harden, and patterns are easier to interrupt before they become deeply ingrained. Therapy is worth considering when arguments repeat without resolution, when emotional distance has become the default, or when one or both partners feel consistently unheard. It is also a legitimate choice for couples who simply want to strengthen a relationship that is functioning but not thriving.

Case Study: How Couples Therapy Helped Maya and Rolf

Maya and Rolf had been together for six years. Maya would raise concerns about feeling disconnected; Rolf, uncomfortable with conflict, would go quiet. Maya would push harder.

Rolf would withdraw further. Neither understood why the same argument kept happening. In therapy, they learned this was a pursue-withdraw pattern — not a character flaw in either of them, but a dynamic shaped by how each had learned to handle conflict growing up. When Maya raised a concern, Rolf heard criticism. When Rolf went quiet, Maya felt abandoned.

Practicing active listening changed things. Rolf began reflecting back what Maya said before responding. Maya felt heard for the first time in years; she became less urgent in how she raised things. The argument about disconnection turned out to be about each of them needing reassurance, expressed in ways the other couldn’t receive.

Conclusion

Communication difficulties between couples are rarely just about words. It reflects how partners understand themselves and each other. It is about the emotional histories they bring to the relationship, the needs they struggle to express, and the patterns that have formed in the absence of better tools. Couples therapy works not by teaching people to talk more, but by helping them understand what they are actually trying to say, and why it so often goes unheard. For couples willing to engage with that process, the gains extend well beyond fewer arguments as they develop greater trust, deeper intimacy, and a more stable foundation for whatever comes next.

The post How Couples Therapy Helps Rebuild Communication appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

This was such a blatant use of fear and greed that it filled me with disgust. But the advertisement also set me thinking. It became clear that the survival of the relationship between a man and a woman was dangerously resting on the delicate rope of self-esteem. The rope breaks too easily – either by the partners themselves, or by such crass advertisements that reinforce insecurities.

Understanding Self-Esteem in Relationships

Self-esteem is feeling worthy and being able to meet life’s challenges. It is as essential as the air we breathe, and just as intangible. It comes from the depths of our core, yet it is reflected in our every single outward action, big or small. It is the essence from which we measure our worth and the most important building block in the foundation of our psyches.

Throughout our life, we will be tested again and again, until we feel confident about ourselves and believe in our intrinsic value. We will be tested on our willingness to view ourselves as worthy, regardless of what we look like and how our body performs.

The Body Image Crisis in Modern Relationships

We know of so many people who have suffered irreparable damage — emotional and physical — in their intimate relationships because of low self-esteem. Some relationships ended in actual physical separation. Some continued living together but had no sexual relationship. Out of these, a few had extramarital affairs. Some couples went in for therapy and counseling, with varying degrees of success.

Real Stories of Body Image Impact

Newly-married Aishwarya was told by her husband that she has “thunder thighs”. She cringed at the remark, refused to undress in front of him and was stiff and awkward whenever they were intimate. She subsequently became a victim of Anorexia Nervosa, lost a lot of weight, and became obsessed with the weighing scale and the measuring tape. They separated. She enrolled in therapy and is now on the road to recovery. She now says that she hopes to find someone, someday, who values her more than just certain parts of her body and loves her as a complete being.

Aishwarya is not the only victim. There are many more. Rita’s husband keeps insisting that she get cosmetic surgery done on her slightly long nose. He says that he gets put off with her long nose as it comes in the way while kissing. Due to this, their love-making left both of them dissatisfied.

Then there is Aparna who, after childbirth, was told by her husband that her breasts were drooping and no longer attractive. She turned frigid forever.

In yet another case, young Dhara was aware of her husband’s obsession with big breasts. She was not so generously endowed. So she went in for an expensive and painful silicon breast implant. But as fate would have it, she developed breast cancer. She needed to have the implants, and even one of the breasts, surgically removed. She underwent chemotherapy and lost all her hair. Not to mention she also lost her husband, probably to a woman with bigger breasts.

How Body Image Affects Men

Men too go through similar situations. A married man was once told by his wife that he wasn’t man enough because of his slender body frame. His manhood was so deeply hurt that he could not get intimate with his nagging wife. He would have a normal erection at other times but when it came to his wife, he just fell impotent. The wife, through counseling, saw the root cause. Just by acknowledging his endeavors in other spheres, she struck some connection with him again. She was guided to appreciate him. Their sex life resumed normalcy.

Social Media and the Modern Body Image Epidemic

The media has a large role to play in reinforcing the body image to be followed by both man and woman to be sexually attractive to the opposite sex. It seems as if that is – and should be – the only criterion in their relationship, if we go by the media.

Today, with the rise of Instagram, TikTok, and filtered selfies, the pressure has intensified. The images we see online are often digitally altered, creating unrealistic standards that no human can naturally achieve. Dating apps prioritize physical appearance. Social media influencers promote cosmetic procedures as casual lifestyle choices. The cycle feeds itself.

Cosmetic surgeons, beauty parlors, fitness centers and health clubs flourish due to the same reason. There is an increasing focus on outer beauty – standards which are forced down our throats by the media and our obsessed partners – to be attractive to our mates and in order to experience marital bliss. Moreover, this has even often been told to us by none other than our parents.

Self-Esteem vs. Ego: A Critical Distinction

The difference between self-esteem and ego needs to be understood here. Many couples admire each other superficially just to keep the harmony and outer peace in the relationship, or as a strategy to manipulate things for a selfish gain. To be genuine and empathetic in one’s expression is important, particularly when one praises the other or shows flaws in the other.

It is said that sex happens between the two ears and not between the two legs. Whoever said this must be aware of the relationship between self-esteem and sexual relations. So we see that frigidity in women and impotence in men – whether temporary or permanent, with mild to severe consequences – is often related to their lowered self-esteem. Their marital life can face major upheavals because of this.

Building Authentic Self-Worth

Only a person who is in true acceptance of himself can accept and respect the other. Unless we learn to love and respect ourself, it is difficult for us to love and respect the other.

We need to realize that our true inner self will be with us for our entire life, while looks will change and fade – being an unreliable source of self-esteem.

Let us search to discover the pathway to that source, for it is the core of our essential value.

Frequently Asked Questions About Body Image and Self-Esteem

How does poor body image affect intimate relationships?

Poor body image creates a barrier to intimacy. When someone feels uncomfortable in their own skin, they become self-conscious during intimate moments. This can lead to avoidance of physical contact, difficulty achieving arousal, and strained emotional connection. Partners may withdraw or become defensive, creating a cycle of dissatisfaction.

Can negative comments from a partner cause long-term psychological damage?

Yes. Critical comments about physical appearance from a partner can trigger eating disorders, depression, anxiety, and sexual dysfunction. The damage often extends beyond the relationship itself. People may carry these wounds into future relationships or develop chronic issues with self-worth that require professional intervention.

What is the connection between self-esteem and sexual satisfaction?

Sexual satisfaction depends heavily on psychological comfort. People with healthy self-esteem feel more present during intimacy, communicate their needs better, and experience less performance anxiety. Low self-esteem, on the other hand, creates mental barriers that interfere with physical response and emotional connection.

How can couples protect their relationship from unrealistic beauty standards?

Couples need to have honest conversations about the impact of media and social comparison. They should consciously appreciate each other for non-physical qualities. Limiting exposure to heavily filtered content helps. Most importantly, partners must commit to never using appearance-based criticism as a weapon during conflicts.

When should someone seek professional help for body image issues?

Seek help when body image concerns interfere with daily functioning, relationships, or physical health. Warning signs include avoiding social situations, obsessive thoughts about appearance, disordered eating patterns, or inability to be intimate with a partner. Therapy can address the root causes and rebuild self-worth.

How do I rebuild self-esteem after years of criticism?

Rebuilding takes time and often requires professional support. Start by identifying your intrinsic values beyond appearance. Practice self-compassion. Surround yourself with people who appreciate you as a whole person. Challenge negative self-talk. Consider therapy to process past hurt and develop healthier thought patterns.

Are cosmetic procedures the solution to low self-esteem?

No. Cosmetic procedures address external features but do not fix internal self-worth. Many people who undergo procedures find their dissatisfaction shifts to other body parts. True self-esteem comes from accepting yourself as you are. If you choose a procedure, it should be for yourself, not to please others or fix relationship problems.

This updated version expands on concepts from an article originally published in Complete Wellbeing magazine, issue dated August 2008.

The post Body Image and Self-Esteem: The Foundation of Healthy Relationships appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Parents with teenagers spend an average of 5.3 hours per day on work-related activities while managing family responsibilities. The challenge isn’t just finding more time but using it wisely. These research-backed strategies will help you create structure, reduce stress, and strengthen family bonds while maintaining your career momentum.

10 Essential Time Management Strategies for Busy Parents

1. Implement Time Boxing for Daily Tasks

Set specific time limits for each activity on your schedule. Whether it’s helping with homework, preparing meals, or responding to work emails, assign exact time-frames to prevent tasks from expanding unnecessarily.

Start with realistic estimates. If making dinner typically takes 45 minutes, block out one hour to account for interruptions. This buffer prevents the domino effect where one delayed task throws off your entire evening routine.

Track your actual completion times for a week. You’ll discover which activities consistently take longer than expected and can adjust your planning accordingly. Most parents underestimate transition time between activities by 10-15 minutes.

2. Create Strategic Carpooling Networks

Transportation consumes significant portions of parents’ schedules. Building reliable carpooling arrangements with other families cuts your driving responsibilities while strengthening community connections.

Connect with parents during school events, sports practices, or neighborhood gatherings. Look for families with similar values and scheduling needs. Many schools have parent Facebook groups where you can find carpooling partners.

Establish clear expectations upfront. Discuss pickup times, backup plans for sick days, and fuel cost sharing. Rotate driving duties fairly rather than expecting one parent to handle all transportation responsibilities.

3. Prioritize Non-Negotiable Family Time

When it comes to time management, working parents often struggle with guilt about missing important moments. Combat this by scheduling family appointments like business meetings. Block specific times for activities that matter most to your children.

Research shows that quality trumps quantity when it comes to parent-child interactions. Thirty minutes of focused attention often provides more value than hours of distracted presence while multitasking.

Put devices away during designated family periods. Children notice when you’re physically present but mentally elsewhere. Your undivided attention during shorter windows creates stronger connections than longer periods with constant interruptions.

4. Build Buffer Time Into Your Schedule

Plan for the unexpected because children excel at creating surprise situations. Add 15-20 minute cushions between scheduled activities to accommodate forgotten homework, wardrobe changes, or meltdowns.

Use completed buffer time for quick personal activities. Enjoy your coffee while it’s still hot, read a few pages of a book, or simply sit quietly for a moment. These micro-breaks prevent burnout and help you approach the next task with renewed energy.

Parents with multiple children especially benefit from buffer time. What works smoothly with one child often becomes complicated when siblings are involved. Plan accordingly rather than hoping for perfect timing.

5. Prepare Everything the Night Before

Morning routines run smoother when you handle preparation tasks the evening prior. Lay out clothes, pack school bags, prepare lunch ingredients, and set up breakfast items before going to bed.

Create a family launch pad near your main exit. Install hooks for backpacks, designate spots for shoes, and keep a small basket for keys, permission slips, and other daily essentials. This central station prevents frantic searching during busy mornings.

Teach older children to participate in evening preparation. Even preschoolers can choose their clothes and put items in their backpacks. This builds independence while reducing your workload.

6. Establish Consistent Daily Routines

Children thrive with predictable schedules, and parents benefit from automated decision-making. When bedtime routines, homework times, and meal schedules become habits, you spend less mental energy managing basic daily functions.

Post visual schedules for younger children showing the sequence of activities. Pictures help kids understand what comes next without constant parental reminders. This independence frees you to focus on other tasks.

Adjust routines seasonally rather than constantly tweaking them. Major changes require 3-4 weeks to become automatic. Stick with new systems long enough to see real benefits before making additional modifications.

Related » 4 Productivity Hacks That Actually Work by David Allen

7. Delegate Age-Appropriate Household Tasks

Children can contribute meaningfully to household functioning while learning valuable life skills. Start with simple responsibilities and gradually increase complexity as they demonstrate competence.

Preschoolers can sort laundry by color, set napkins on the table, and put toys away. Elementary-age children can load dishwashers, fold towels, and prepare simple snacks. Teenagers should handle their own laundry and contribute to meal preparation.

Make delegation about capability building rather than punishment. Frame household contributions as family teamwork. Children who learn responsibility early often become more organized adults.

Related » The Best Way of Sharing Household Chores

8. Use Technology Strategically

Digital tools can streamline family management when used purposefully. Shared family calendars help everyone stay informed about schedules and commitments. Grocery apps with shared lists prevent duplicate purchases and forgotten items.

Set up automatic bill payments and subscription deliveries for household essentials. Reducing routine decision-making preserves mental energy for more important parenting tasks.

Establish tech-free zones and times to maintain family connections. While technology assists with logistics, it shouldn’t replace human interaction during meals or bedtime routines.

Related » How to Stop Being Busy and Start Being Productive

9. Maintain Your Physical and Mental Health

Working mothers spend about 25 hours more in total work time per week but 20 hours less in leisure time than their non-employed partners. This imbalance leads to exhaustion and resentment.

Schedule self-care like any other important appointment. Even 15 minutes of morning stretching or evening reading contributes to your overall wellbeing. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

Model healthy habits for your children. Eat nutritious meals together when possible, demonstrate stress management techniques, and show them that adults also need rest and recovery time.

10. Practice Single-Tasking During Family Time

Multitasking feels productive but often reduces the quality of everything you’re attempting to accomplish simultaneously. When spending time with children, focus entirely on that interaction.

Put work emails and household tasks on hold during designated family periods. Children sense divided attention and may escalate behaviors to gain your full focus. Present-moment awareness strengthens relationships while actually saving time by reducing conflicts.

Set boundaries around work availability. Establish specific hours when you’re accessible for work communications and stick to those limits. Constant availability creates stress for everyone in your household.

Creating Your Personalized Time Management System

Start by implementing 2-3 strategies that address your biggest pain points. Most families see improvements within two weeks of consistent application. Avoid overwhelming yourself by attempting too many changes simultaneously.

Track what works and what doesn’t for your specific situation. Every family has unique circumstances that require customized solutions. Be willing to modify strategies based on your results rather than rigidly following generic advice.

Remember that effective time management for busy parents isn’t about perfection. It’s about creating systems that reduce stress, increase family connection, and help everyone thrive. Small improvements compound over time into significant positive changes.

The goal isn’t to optimize every minute but to ensure the time you do have aligns with your family’s values and priorities. When you manage time intentionally, you create space for what matters most while maintaining the structure needed for daily life to run smoothly.

References:

• U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (2024); Employment Characteristics of Families Summary
• U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (2022); How parents used their time in 2021
• Pew Research Center (2024); Chapter 4: How Mothers and Fathers Spend Their Time

The post 10 Essential Time Management Strategies for Busy Parents appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Research shows that alpha personalities — characterized by leadership traits, high ambition, and strong decision-making abilities — face specific challenges when both partners share these traits. But, with the right approach, two alphas can create exceptionally successful marriages that leverage both partners’ natural leadership abilities.

In this article, we’ll explore the unique dynamics of dual alpha relationships, common pitfalls to avoid, and helpful strategies that successful alpha couples use to thrive together.

• Understanding Alpha Personalities in Relationships
• Common Challenges When Two Alpha Personalities Marry
  • Fighting about who is on top spells trouble in any family
  • For an alpha, giving up leads to feelings of depression
  • Anxiety emerges if decision-making freezes
  • Escape via distractions can offer a fourth alternative
• 5 Proven Strategies for Two Alpha Personalities in Marriage
  1. Zero talking or acting out in anger
  2. Discuss the issue calmly, starting by asking questions to gather information and then sharing your concerns
  3. Establish Clear Roles and Responsibilities Based on Strengths
  4. Schedule Regular Check-ins to Prevent Conflicts
  5. Use Win-Win Problem Solving
• Frequently Asked Questions
• The Takeaway

Understanding Alpha Personalities in Relationships

In the world of wild dogs, every pack has a pecking order, on the top of which reigns the alpha. A strong alpha enables the pack to function in harmony. In return, the alpha gets special perks: first access to food and to mating opportunities. Who wouldn’t want to be the alpha?!

Fighting establishes who is on top. The more physically powerful alpha rules the roost. The loser slinks off. Fighting is risky though; even the winner may suffer wounds.

Common Challenges When Two Alpha Personalities Marry

If the animal is a person and the troop is a family, the husband and wife may both aim to take the dominant alpha role. Both George and Julie, for instance, are alphas by temperament and capability. Both are effective leaders at work, both with upper management corporate positions. When these two male and female alpha personalities interact at home, they have five options. Four are of these are bad options:

• Fight: to win by domineering
• Fold: giving in and giving up like a slinking-off weaker dog
• Freeze: by ceasing to talk about their differences
• Flee: escaping the conflict physically or else via distractions: drugs or alcohol, watching TV sports, overeating, working 24/7, or continuously focusing on their computer.

Fighting about who is on top spells trouble in any family

Anger upsets everyone in earshot. Here’s how that picture would look in George and Julie’s family:

George wants to eat dinner at 6pm; his wife wants to eat at 7pm. George would grumble and growl about how dinner was not ready when he was. He might make nasty comments, complain and criticize his wife, or shout to bully Julie into doing what he wanted. 

Julie would other forms of fighting to get her way. She did not want to bicker with George or shout louder or make nastier comments than he could. Rather, she would fight via passive-aggressive inaction. That is, she would get back at George by winning with a strategy of not doing, ignoring what George wanted. Alternatively, when George would shout, rather than argue each point, she would wait, quietly seething, until she could deftly slide in a snide comment that wounded him to the core. 

For an alpha, giving in and giving up leads to depression

Feeling less powerful creates a loss of serotonin. This serotonin drop is experienced in both animals and people as depression. When the weaker partner caves in on the struggle to get what she or he wants, depression emerges.

Depression serves a purpose. Depression decreases motivation to fight. Staying clear of fights prevents the weaker party from engaging in fights that might produce emotional or physical injuries. They resign to thinking, “Better depression than to get wounded.”

Julie would ultimately triumph by wounding George with cutting contemptuous comments, George would then stomp out of the room, acting angry but experiencing an internal feeling of depressive collapse. 

At other times, it was Julie who gave up on what she wanted. Suffering depression sometimes felt safer than attempting to stand up against George’s angry outbursts.

Anxiety emerges if decision-making freezes

Neither partner may want to risk getting injured, but immobilization in the face of a conflict or dilemma is a recipe for on-going anxiety.

On major issues, for instance, whether to move to an in-town apartment that would enable George to have less commute time to work but feel less comfortable for Julie, neither spouse wanted to fight. To avoid arguments, they avoided the topic altogether. The price was a continual background feeling of tension.

Escape via distractions can offer a fourth alternative

George tried to drown out his anger by drinking alcohol. Drinking actually calmed him but also caused him to withdraw into himself, brooding. Julie then resented her husband’s lack of attention to her. When a man at work began to shower her with sunshine, smiling often at her and finding excuses for them to talk, Julie began to feel tempted to stray. Turning elsewhere to avoid problematic situations invites creation of even worse problems.

Related » How to Live with a Perfectionist Partner: Advice From Experts

5 Proven Strategies for Two Alpha Personalities in Marriage

The good news is that people, unlike animals, can talk. With calm information sharing, win-win solutions can emerge. But first, both the male and the female need to accept each other as alphas. There is no rule that states two alpha personalities cannot be together. So Julie and George can work in the long run; only prerequisite is a will to be together.

Here are the steps that make a difference.

1. Zero talking or acting out in anger

Anger draws attention to a challenging situation. The adrenaline surge prepares you to fight. Having alerted you to a problem though, anger then needs to be given a few moments to dissipate. Pausing and doing something that would be distracting and calming refreshes the emotional system. (Also read A spiritual solution for dealing with anger in marriage)

George experienced a sudden surge of anger when he returned home one day and saw a new car in their garage. He and his wife had always made big purchases together. How could Julie have bought a new car without talking to him?!

Tempted to rage at his wife, George took a few deep breaths, reminding himself that quiet talking was always more helpful than lashing out. When he entered the house, he took a few moments to wash his face and cool down, staying clear of ruminating about Julie and what she had done.

2. Discuss the issue calmly, starting by asking questions to gather information and then sharing your concerns

Information-gathering and solution-building only proceed effectively when the tone is calm, safe, and good-humored.

“Is that your new car in front of our house?” George later asked Julie, trying to stay calm.  “Where did you get it? Usually we make big financial decisions like a car purchase together.”

“Yes, George, I agree we always make big purchases together, and I like that. This car was no exception. I’ll explain. Remember my colleague Sarah, my best friend at work, who died suddenly in her sleep about a month ago? Sarah had no children. She left a very simple will, giving most of her money to a charity. But her new car, which I had admired, she left to me. Her lawyer brought it to me today. I’m so touched!”

“That was very kind of her,” George agreed, sighing with relief. 

3. Establish Clear Roles and Responsibilities Based on Strengths

Two alphas often clash when both try to control the same decisions. The solution is dividing leadership based on each partner’s strengths.

George excelled at financial planning while Julie had a gift for home design. Yet they constantly argued over both areas—George critiquing decorating choices, Julie questioning financial decisions.

Their breakthrough came during another paint color debate. “We’re both trying to control areas where the other person is actually stronger,” Julie realized. “What if we each led in our natural strengths?”

They agreed. George would handle major financial decisions while keeping Julie informed. Julie would manage home-related choices while considering budget impacts. Both retained input and veto power, but respected each other’s primary jurisdiction. This eliminated daily power struggles while letting both exercise their alpha nature productively. 

4. Schedule Regular Check-ins to Prevent Conflicts

Alpha personalities hate being blindsided by decisions. Regular planning prevents the surprise conflicts that trigger power struggles.

Julie learned this after “The Vacation Incident.” She found a great beach house deal and booked it as a surprise for George. When she announced their vacation was “all set,” George felt excluded from a major family decision. Even though he loved her choice, his alpha nature reacted to being left out of the process.

“I wish you had talked to me first,” George said calmly. “I love the place, but I feel like I didn’t get any say in our family vacation.”

Their solution was to have weekly 15-minute “check-ins” every Sunday evening. They would discuss upcoming decisions, plans either is considering, and potential conflicts. Now Julie says, “I’m looking into vacation options—found some great places. Want to look together tomorrow?” George feels included from the start, preventing reactive conflicts.

5. Use Win-Win Problem Solving

When conflict arises, alpha couples need structured approaches to find solutions honoring both partners’ needs. Unlike couples where one might defer, two alphas will fight unless they have collaborative methods.

George got promoted but faced a 90-minute commute. He wanted to move closer to work. Julie loved their neighborhood—her friendships, professional connections, and the kids’ schools. Initially, each argued their case: George emphasized family time gained, Julie stressed losing her support network. They were stuck.

Julie suggested trying collaborative problem-solving from her management training. First, they identified core needs. George needed less stress and more family time; Julie needed to maintain her network and kids’ stability.

Then they brainstormed options – moving, staying put, remote work, compromise locations, or George finding a closer job. The solution surprised them: George negotiated three remote days per week, commuting only twice weekly with overnight hotel stays.

Both felt heard, neither felt defeated. The key was focusing on underlying needs rather than preferred solutions.

Related » How to help a friend who is facing marital problems

Frequently Asked Questions

Can two alpha personalities have a successful relationship?

Yes, absolutely. Two alpha personalities can create exceptionally strong partnerships when they learn to channel their leadership traits collaboratively rather than competitively. The key is accepting each other as equals and developing systems for shared decision-making. Many successful couples are both alphas—they just need different strategies than traditional relationships.

How Can Two Alpha Personalities Work Together in Marriage?

Two alpha personalities can work together by using calm communication, establishing clear roles based on strengths, scheduling regular check-ins, and focusing on win-win solutions. The key is channeling competitive traits into collaboration rather than conflict.

What are the biggest challenges for dual alpha couples?

The main challenges include power struggles over decisions, difficulty compromising when both partners are used to leading, and the tendency to compete rather than collaborate. Alpha couples also face issues with anger management, as both partners may react strongly when they feel their authority is questioned. However, these challenges are manageable with the right communication approaches.

How do alpha females and alpha males work together in relationships?

Alpha females and males can complement each other beautifully by dividing leadership responsibilities based on their individual strengths rather than competing for the same territory. The key is mutual respect—both partners must acknowledge the other’s capabilities and avoid traditional gender role expectations that might limit either person’s natural leadership abilities.

What communication strategies work best for strong personalities?

The most effective approach is calm, information-gathering conversations rather than heated arguments. Start by asking questions to understand your partner’s perspective, then share your own concerns without attacking. Avoid making assumptions and give anger time to cool before discussing important issues. Regular check-ins also prevent surprise conflicts that trigger power struggles. (Also read The art of marital communication)

Do alpha couples fight more than other couples?

Not necessarily. While alpha couples may have more intense disagreements initially, they often resolve conflicts more efficiently once they develop good communication patterns. Their natural problem-solving abilities can actually lead to faster resolution of issues. The difference is that their conflicts tend to be more direct and focused on solutions rather than lingering resentments.

Should one alpha partner become more passive to make the relationship work?

No. Asking an alpha to suppress their natural traits typically leads to resentment and depression. Instead, both partners should remain true to their alpha nature while learning to collaborate effectively. The goal is channeling those leadership qualities toward building a stronger partnership, not diminishing either person’s natural strengths.

Related » Are You the Overdependent One in Your Marriage?

Summing Up

Successful dual alpha couples like George and Julie talk together collaboratively. Living happily ever after is never easy for any couple, but cooperation matters. By calming themselves, asking questions instead of interpreting or assuming, and listening to each other’s concerns when there is a decision to be made, two alphas can share their family’s leadership in a way that enables the entire family to thrive.

This is an updated version of the article; it was first published on 17^th September 2017.

Last updated on 25^th June 2025

The post Two Alphas in Marriage: How to Make It Work appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

A well-planned schedule that incorporates sensory-friendly play, interactive learning, and structured routines provides children with consistency and security. By offering hands-on experiences such as sensory bins, visual schedules, and guided play, parents and educators can support developmental milestones in both home and educational settings.

Understanding how to structure these activities can make a significant impact on a child’s ability to engage with their environment effectively.

Enhancing Communication Through Visual and Interactive Learning

Communication challenges are common among children with autism, making interactive and visual-based learning particularly beneficial. Activities that encourage expressive and receptive communication include:

• Visual Schedules: Using picture-based schedules helps children understand routines and transitions, reducing anxiety and improving independence.
• Storytelling with Visuals: Incorporating illustrated books, social stories, and digital storytelling platforms enhances comprehension and engagement.
• Adaptive Arts and Crafts: Providing step-by-step guided art projects encourages self-expression and fine motor skill development.

These activities support language development and social interaction, offering children alternative ways to communicate their thoughts and emotions. Parents and educators can use activities for children with autism to further enhance these communication techniques.

Sensory Play: Encouraging Exploration and Engagement

Children with autism often experience sensory sensitivities that impact how they interact with their surroundings. Sensory-friendly activities can help desensitize overwhelming stimuli while encouraging positive engagement. Examples of effective sensory play include:

• Sensory Bins: Filled with materials like rice, sand, or water beads, these bins allow children to explore different textures and improve fine motor skills.
• Fidget Tools and Sensory Toys: Items like stress balls, textured mats, and putty help children self-regulate and enhance focus.
• Music and Movement Activities: Simple rhythm exercises or dancing to music can stimulate auditory processing and improve coordination.

By integrating sensory play into daily routines, caregivers can create enjoyable experiences that enhance sensory integration and cognitive flexibility.

Social Skills Development: Creating Opportunities for Interaction

Social interactions can be challenging for children with autism, but structured activities can facilitate meaningful connections. Implementing guided social interactions in a supportive environment encourages positive peer relationships and social skill development. Some effective strategies include:

• Role-Playing Games: Practicing real-life scenarios like ordering at a restaurant or greeting a friend builds confidence and prepares children for social interactions.
• Turn-Taking Activities: Simple games that require waiting and sharing teach patience and cooperation.
• Group Activities with Clear Structure: Activities such as cooperative building projects or structured play dates create predictable social environments, making interactions more manageable.

Encouraging participation in social activities tailored to individual comfort levels can help children build essential social skills for lifelong development.

Using Assistive Technology in Learning and Play

As understanding of autism evolves, new technologies and educational tools are revolutionizing the way children engage with the world. Assistive technology provides innovative ways to enhance learning, communication, and social interaction. Notable advancements include:

• Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) Devices: Tablets and speech-generating devices help nonverbal children communicate effectively.
• Educational Apps and Games: Interactive apps tailored to autism-specific learning needs support cognitive development and reinforce concepts through engaging game play.
• Virtual Reality (VR) and Gamified Learning: Emerging VR experiences allow children to practice real-world scenarios in a controlled, stress-free setting.

By incorporating assistive technology into daily learning, parents and educators can offer personalized support that aligns with a child’s unique needs.

Adapting Strategies to Individual Needs

Every child with autism is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Adapting activities to individual strengths and preferences ensures meaningful engagement. Key considerations include:

• Observing Interests and Sensitivities: Identifying preferred activities and sensory preferences helps tailor experiences to a child’s comfort level.
• Using Positive Reinforcement: Rewarding participation and effort with praise or preferred incentives encourages continued engagement.
• Being Flexible and Patient: Allowing children to engage at their own pace fosters a positive and pressure-free learning environment.

By incorporating flexibility and individualized approaches, caregivers can create enriching developmental experiences that cater to each child’s specific needs.

Conclusion: Building a Foundation for Lifelong Success

Engaging children with autism in structured, interactive activities plays a crucial role in their cognitive, emotional, and social development. By leveraging sensory-friendly play, visual learning, social interactions, and assistive technology, caregivers can create opportunities for growth and skill-building. Encouraging participation in tailored activities, utilizing positive reinforcement, and adapting strategies to individual needs can make a lasting impact. Whether at home, in school, or in community programs, fostering an inclusive and supportive environment helps children with autism develop essential skills for lifelong success.

The post Engaging Ways to Support the Development of Children with Autism appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Culturally, boys and girls often face different expectations, and it’s tempting to impose limits to “protect” daughters. Yet, emotional maturity is developing in tandem with physical changes. So, while setting boundaries, balance them with trust. Remember that adolescence is about forming a new identity—an ongoing journey of self-discovery.

How to Help Your Teenage Daughter Blossom Into a Healthy and Happy Adult

Here are a few pointers that can empower you to support your teenage daughter as she embraces her transition to adulthood.

Balancing Freedom and Responsibility

With all the physical and mental changes your daughter is experiencing, her reasoning, judgment, and self-image are constantly evolving. Social preferences also shift, with time spent increasingly among friends. This transition doesn’t mean she doesn’t value your support; in fact, you remain her steady anchor. Respect her social choices but stay gently involved.

Monitor her friends without infringing on her privacy. Rather than spying, talk openly about her relationships. If you notice concerning behavior, express your concerns calmly and encourage a positive, open dialogue. Set family-wide rules that foster mutual respect, not a hierarchy of limitations.

Supporting Your Teen’s Career Choices

Teenagers may seem resistant to guidance, but your insights can be valuable. Explore her strengths and interests and discuss career possibilities without pushing her toward your dreams. Encouraging her to follow her natural talents can motivate her to strive in her chosen field.

If you’re unsure of her inclinations, professional career counseling or aptitude tests can help reveal unique skills and interests. Remember, though, that sons and daughters deserve equal encouragement and support, free of gender-based expectations. Promote an environment where she feels empowered to pursue her aspirations.

Handling Her Mood Swings

Mood swings, driven by hormonal changes, are a natural part of adolescence. While these shifts may test your patience, it’s vital to remain calm and understanding. Empathize with your teenage daughter’s struggles and validate her emotions. If she resists advice, simply listen without judgment. Letting her express herself is sometimes more valuable than offering solutions.

Remain consistent, and try not to interpret rebellious behavior as a parenting failure. Strengthen your role by being open and adaptable, balancing boundaries with trust. Share your own values calmly rather than imposing them; this models self-assurance and provides a safe emotional anchor as she explores her identity.

Building a Supportive Community

Parenting a teenage daughter can be overwhelming, but connecting with other parents of adolescents can provide fresh perspectives. Exchange ideas, share struggles, and support one another. Hearing how others manage similar challenges can remind you that you’re not alone and can help you develop effective strategies.

Championing Her Right to Independence

Your teenage daughter deserves the freedom to make her own choices and shape her life. Help her resist societal pressures that may limit her opportunities. Encourage her to seek equality and value her worth beyond stereotypes. As her parent, you play a crucial role in helping her break free from gender constraints and aim high.

Related » 7 ways to help your teenager survive and thrive

Conclusion

Raising a teenage daughter is a dynamic journey that calls for patience, understanding, and mutual respect. By fostering open communication, respecting her growing independence, and balancing guidance with trust, you can support her path to becoming a strong, empowered individual. Remember, your presence and acceptance are the foundations that will help her navigate this transformative stage with confidence.

This is an updated version of the article that originally appeared in the March 2009 issue of Complete Wellbeing magazine.

The post Tips to Help Your Teenage Daughter Blossom Into a Thriving Adult appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Love psychics offer insights that can help you better understand your relationship dynamics and make decisions about your love life. It’s important to remember, though, that while psychics can offer guidance, they cannot predict the exact outcome of a relationship. Their role is to help you reflect and gain perspective so that you can make empowered choices.

Questions to Ask a Love Psychic

The key to receiving helpful advice from a psychic lies in asking the right questions. Below are some examples of questions that can help you explore your relationship and love life more deeply.

1. How can I listen to my heart?

   The first question you need to ask your psychic is how you can follow your heart. Often in relationships, we focus too much on our logical mind and ignore what our heart is trying to tell us. If you’re feeling torn or unsure about a decision, ask your psychic how you can tune into your heart’s voice. This question can help you understand the emotional side of your choices, especially when logic and emotions seem to be in conflict.

2. Will I meet a partner soon?

   If you’ve recently gone through a breakup or have been single for a while, this is a natural question to ask. A psychic can help you work through any insecurities or doubts you may have and offer insights into the timing or readiness for new love.

3. Does my partner take me seriously?

   It’s common to wonder how invested your partner is in the relationship, especially if you feel you’re giving more than you’re receiving. A psychic can offer insight into your partner’s emotions and help you understand their intentions and potential for change.

4. What can I do to strengthen our bond?

   Relationships, particularly long-distance or strained ones, can sometimes feel distant or disconnected. Instead of dwelling on the problems, ask your psychic for advice on how to deepen your connection. This proactive approach can open doors to self-improvement and positive change within the relationship.

5. Am I in the right relationship?

   Even when things seem to be going well, lingering doubts may arise about whether this person is truly “The One.” If you’re uncertain, a psychic can offer clarity and help you determine if your relationship is aligned with your long-term desires and emotional needs.

6. How does my partner feel about our relationship?

   If you’re feeling unsure about your partner’s feelings but hesitate to ask directly, a psychic can help tap into your partner’s emotions. This insight might give you a better understanding of their perspective without having to confront them.

7. Will our relationship lead to marriage?

   This question moves beyond love and touches on practical compatibility. A psychic can help you explore whether you and your partner are ready to navigate life’s challenges together and if your relationship is prepared for the commitment that marriage requires.

8. Should I stay in this relationship?

   Every relationship faces obstacles, and sometimes the challenges can feel overwhelming. Whether it’s infidelity or recurring conflict, you might find yourself questioning whether to stay or leave. A psychic can offer guidance on whether the relationship can be healed or if it’s time to move on for your wellbeing.

9. What lessons should I learn from my past relationships?

   If you’ve been through difficult relationships before, it’s important to understand the patterns and lessons you can carry forward. A psychic can help you uncover past experiences that may be affecting your current relationship choices and help you break unhealthy cycles.

10. How can I attract the right partner for me?

    If you’re single and looking for love, this question can guide you toward understanding what kind of energy you’re putting out and how you can align yourself to attract a partner who matches your values and desires.

11. What is blocking me from experiencing true love?

    Sometimes, internal fears or past traumas can prevent us from fully experiencing love. A psychic can help you identify emotional blocks or limiting beliefs that are holding you back from embracing a fulfilling relationship.

12. Is my partner being honest with me?

    If you’re feeling uneasy or sense that something is off in the relationship, you might want to ask a psychic for insight into your partner’s honesty and transparency. This question can help you explore deeper truths in your relationship.

13. How can I heal from past heartbreak?

    If you’re carrying emotional wounds from a previous relationship, it’s important to heal before moving forward. A psychic can offer advice on emotional healing, helping you release the past and open your heart to future love.

Related » Osho on relationships: Risk everything for truth

Sarah’s Encounter With a Love Psychic

The case of Sarah and Tom (names changed) illustrates how asking the right questions can help someone gain clarity and take meaningful steps in her relationship.

Sarah had been in a relationship with her boyfriend, Tom, for three years. At first, things were wonderful—they shared similar values, enjoyed each other’s company, and supported each other’s goals. However, over time, Sarah began to feel a growing distance between them. Tom seemed too preoccupied with his work, and the emotional connection they once shared seemed to be fading. Sarah found herself wondering if Tom was still invested in their relationship or if they were growing apart.

Unsure of what to do, Sarah considered seeking help. She first talked to her closest friend, who encouraged her to communicate more openly with Tom. Sarah did that but Tom’s responses remained vague, leaving her with more questions than answers. That’s when she decided to reach out to a love psychic, hoping for a fresh perspective.

Sarah’s Questions to Her Love Psychic

During her session, Sarah asked a series of questions to help her understand her situation better. She asked:

• How does Tom feel about our relationship?
  The psychic explained that Tom’s emotional distance might not be intentional but a result of the stress he was experiencing in his professional life. This insight encouraged Sarah to view the situation from a different angle and open up a conversation about Tom’s work-related stress.
• What can I do to strengthen our bond?
  Sarah also wanted to know how to reconnect with Tom. The psychic suggested small gestures to remind Tom of their emotional connection—such as planning a quiet weekend away together and making time to engage in activities they both loved.
• Is this the right relationship for me?
  Finally, Sarah asked the big question: should she continue in the relationship or move on? The psychic helped her reflect on her own needs and whether Tom, in the long run, could meet those needs. Instead of giving a definitive answer, the psychic guided Sarah to listen to her intuition, allowing her to feel more confident about the choices ahead.

In the following weeks, Sarah and Tom had open conversations about the emotional disconnect. Tom acknowledged the strain work had placed on their relationship, and they both committed to putting more effort into nurturing their connection. While Sarah still had doubts, she felt more at peace knowing she had taken the right steps to either heal the relationship or, if needed, make the difficult decision to move on.

Related » Your Soulmate Is Your Mirror

Conclusion

Whether you’re reaching out to a trusted friend, therapist, or love psychic, asking thoughtful questions is key to receiving meaningful advice. Keep in mind that while guidance can provide clarity, the ultimate decisions about your love life rest in your hands. Trust yourself to make the choices that align with your heart and your future.

Warmth and clarity are essential when navigating relationship uncertainties, and with the right support, you can find the path forward.

The post Relationship Issues? Key Questions to Ask a Love Psychic appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

My Daughter Ran Away From School Too Often

There are as many reasons to run away from school as there are children who do it. It’s important to pay attention to school avoidance—it can be a serious cry for help—but truancy is not always as big a problem as parents and educators think it is.

One of my daughters—a curious, sociable, and energetic child—hated school from the age of three, when I enrolled her in nursery school. I worked from home, and she loved spending time there with me. She always had projects of her own that she wanted to work on, and she experienced school as a waste of her time. Her academic skills were advanced for her age, and continued to develop through pursuing her various interests. In kindergarten, she developed a bad case of ‘Monday Morning Sickness’—she’d be great all weekend, then fall terribly ill on Monday morning. If I kept her home from school, she’d be well by 10am, and get progressively ‘healthier’ as the week went on.

The details of my daughter’s school avoidance tactics changed as she got older, until she was truant more than she attended during one year of high school. This was terribly worrying for me, but I’m glad to say that this story has a happy ending. After many years of conflict between us, and countless attempts to find a good solution, she became an enthusiastic and successful university student. Finally, she was able to throw herself passionately into topics she found meaningful, at a depth and complexity she found challenging. Finally school was worth attending.

Understanding School Truancy

Is school truancy about a creative and independent spirit, a bad fit, or simply a cry for help?

In my counseling practice, I’ve worked with many parents who are concerned about a child’s attempts to avoid school, and I’ve learned there are many reasons for running away from school.

Running away from school can involve a bad fit between the child’s temperament or learning needs, and what is being provided at school, as was the case with my daughter. It can involve any one or more of a number of emotional issues, sometimes reflecting worries to do with family problems—divorce, neglect, economic uncertainty, illness or conflict at home. School truancy can also be a way to avoid having to do with social pressures, including bullies and problems with social skills. One solution is seeking teenage counseling, which provides teens with the tools and support they need to manage anxiety, stress, or other issues contributing to school avoidance

One of the most frequent reasons for school avoidance that I’ve seen in my private practice occurs when smart kids have serious learning issues, including attention problems, uneven skill development, learning disabilities.

School truancy issues are highly individual, and reflect particular circumstances. They’re different across children, and they also change over time, as kids develop. Some children run away from school when they’re young, but then later love it, as eventually occurred with my daughter. Others enjoy school when they’re young, but reach a point where they have no time or use for it. Sometimes kids in the latter category are going through a stage where they’re more interested in other things—social, creative, athletic or other interests—and sometimes they’re independent learners, and create alternative educational and career paths for themselves.

While sometimes children run away from school for a relatively simple and benign cause, other times it’s a serious cry for help.

9 Action Tips for Parents Whose Child Runs Away From School

1. Listen to your child

Ask questions, patiently and calmly, with the focus on understanding what’s happening. Try to look beyond this as a simple discipline problem, the fact that your child isn’t doing what he’s supposed to be doing. Let him do the talking. Listen actively to his answers. Try to remain open to what he’s saying, without judgement or criticism.

2. Do some soul-searching

Are there problems at home that might lead to your child needing more attention than she’s getting? Does she have worries you can help her with? Does she need help with social, emotional, or academic skills? Does she need more focused time with you when you’re not checking your phone or thinking about your next commitment?

3. Focus on collaborative problem-solving

Avoid anger and blame. Don’t stigmatize or punish, your child. Don’t waste your time feeling guilty. Look at the issue as a shared problem, one to address and solve with your child and others, including the child’s other parent, as well as teachers and administrators. Perhaps there are friends or family members who can offer some insight or help, a grandparent, sibling or someone else who knows your child and the situation.

4. Think about simple fixes

Would it help if the early morning getting-ready-for-school routine was made less rushed? Maybe you could get up 30 minutes earlier and have some easy time together before school starts. Would it help if the after-school arrangements were different? Is there anything you can do to smooth the end of the day for your child? How about if you were more actively involved in the school, perhaps doing some volunteer work on a regular basis?

5. Talk to the teacher

How does the teacher see the problem? What strengths and challenges has he or she identified that might lead to your child not wanting to go to school? Does the teacher like your child? When you’re in the school, does it feel like a positive environment for your child?

6. Think about an assessment

Your child may be experiencing a psychological or cognitive problem you’re not aware of, perhaps an undiagnosed attention deficit or learning disability. It can be easier for a child to run than to deal with a circumstance where people are telling him he’s not living up to his potential, where he’s working hard but not getting very far.

7. Look for signs of serious problems

There are many less serious concerns that lead to kids running away from school, but truancy sometimes results from involvement with drugs, alcohol or sexual activity. It can also reflect experiences of bullying and social rejection or neglect, whether from teachers, peers or both.

8. Be creative

Consider changing classrooms or teachers. Think about home-schooling possibilities [which can be done collaboratively with other parents, or as part-time supplements to school]. Explore reducing or increasing your child’s academic load. Think about giving her days off—maybe one ‘mental health day’ for each four or nine days she attends. For some kids, the fact their parents are willing to consider alternatives like these is enough to ease the strain they’re feeling and help them move toward a solution.

9. Give your child as much control over the problem as you can

Do some problem-solving together, and be respectful of the solutions he generates. Work with him so she feels ownership over solutions and a partner in your actions moving forward. Ask he what she thinks will help, and give that a try if at all possible.

Summing Up

Ultimately, school avoidance is not a one-size-fits-all problem, and it’s crucial to approach it with understanding, creativity, and collaboration. By listening to your child, addressing any underlying concerns, and seeking appropriate support when needed, you can help them find a path that works for their unique needs. For some, it may be a phase that passes, while for others, it might signal the need for long-term adjustments. Either way, focusing on their wellbeing and being open to alternative approaches can lead to a more positive outcome for both the child and the family.

Before you go…

You might also like to read » Why Children Lie and What You Can Do About It

A version of this article first appeared in the July 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing magazine (print edition).

The post Understanding School Truancy: Navigating the Reasons and Finding Solutions appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Increasingly, our society has been egging us on to focus upon ourselves—our goals, our dreams, our ambitions. While earlier, people were brought up to think of their family first, today’s children grow up on generous doses of ambition and competition.

Increasingly, the ‘We’ is getting replaced with the ‘I’. An unforeseen casualty of this shift of focus on oneself is the institution of family as we knew it. In our search for our identity, we have lost touch with that part of ourselves that needs to connect to others.

We have become so self-centered that we often see only our needs and expectations, and fail to realize that these are intricately tied up with the needs and expectations of others in the family.

Mala and Rakesh — A Case in Point

Within two years of marriage, Mala and Rakesh found themselves sitting in front of a marriage counselor, making a last-ditch attempt to save their marriage. Their relationship had started floundering after just three months of their marriage.

Rakesh found it hard to accept that Mala disliked cooking, wanted to eat out every weekend, and was not really passionate about keeping a good house. Mala, on the other hand, felt ‘suffocated’ by Rakesh’s ‘old-fashioned’ expectations, despite the fact that she herself was a working professional.

They both found it hard to tolerate each other’s shortcomings, and these seemed to become greater and greater with every argument they had.

Importance of Tolerance in Family Relationships

So what’s the big deal about tolerance? To answer that question, it is important to understand what tolerance means in the context of the family.

In simple terms, tolerance means acceptance—of the unique personality of every family member; of the differences between them; of their quirky, whimsical, idiosyncratic likes and dislikes. Most importantly, tolerance means acceptance of every family member as he or she is.

How lack of tolerance affect relationships

Let us look at how lack of tolerance can impact our relationships:

1. Impatience towards another’s flaws

Intolerance makes you impatient toward the flaws of your family members. Rima couldn’t deal with her son Deepak’s poor academic performance, and this made her impatient and irritable towards him. She criticized his study habits and his intellectual capabilities all the time.

2. Inability to understand differences in members

Often, tolerance is created by lack of knowledge. Whatever is known and familiar to us becomes good, and whatever is different creates a sense of disharmony.

Shilpa’s son fell in love with, and got married to, a girl from another community. While her new daughter-in-law Juhi made every attempt to establish a relationship with her, Shilpa found it hard to relate to a jeans-clad, fashionable and modern girl who barely knew what a kitchen looked like.

3. Lack of openness to differing perspectives

Increasingly, individuals today feel that their ideas, opinions and approaches are correct and those of others are not.

Deepa could not tolerate her daughter-in-law’s cooking because, coming from a different community, her cooking style was different—or in Deepa’s eyes, completely ‘wrong’.

4. Build-up of conflict and tension in relationships

With intolerance, people feel misunderstood and not accepted in the relationship, and this creates a feeling of resentment and negativity, which, in turn, results in frequent conflicts.

In the above example, Deepa criticized her daughter-in-law Trupti, who retaliated. To this, Deepa criticized some more and the argument escalated.

5. Breakdown in communication

Gradually, over a period of time, communication channels start breaking down, resulting in the erosion of the very foundation of the family structure.

Nancy’s decision to make modelling her career alienated her from her mother, who was highly conservative. After daily arguments, tears and recriminations, it came to a point where Nancy felt it was too much to take any more, and soon, there was no sharing or discussion between mother and daughter. The only communication was in the form of criticism and counter-criticism. Eventually, Nancy moved out of the house.

Related » Why You Should Never Suppress Your Emotions + 6 Effective Strategies for Emotional Release

Should We Tolerate Bad Behaviors of Family Members?

OK, so we have made a case for tolerance. Does that mean a wife should allow her husband to come home drunk and abuse their kids every night? Or does it mean that you give your children the message that it’s okay to fail in their exams?

Does tolerance mean you agree to do everything your mother-in-law tells you to do? No! Tolerance is not equal to submission. Nor does tolerance mean that you put up with unacceptable behaviors of your family members.

However, what it does mean is that we try to understand these behaviors in the context of their personalities and experience, and then help them see your point of view. Tolerance means being able to discuss irritating habits and behaviors in a calm and patient manner, such that a solution or compromise can eventually be worked out.

Tips to Increase Tolerance Towards Your Family

Following are some tips that will help increase your tolerance:

1. Celebrate differences

Each of us is wired differently, and respond to situations in a different manner. The moment you understand this, you will not only learn to tolerate certain behaviors of your family members, you will be able to appreciate the uniqueness they add to the family.

2. Put yourself in their shoes

When you find yourself losing patience with any of your family members, it will be helpful to put yourself in their shoes and view the situation the way it appears to them. You will be surprised at the difference in perspective. While you may still find the particular behavior irritating, you will at least understand where it is stemming from.

3. Acknowledge your weaknesses

Take some time out to think about your shortcomings and flaws. This will give you a chance to appreciate the tolerance that others in the family demonstrate towards you. After all, it works both ways; if you have to adjust and accept certain things, so do others in the family.

4. Visualize your life without family

When your patience in running thin, try and imagine a scenario where you are completely by yourself, with none of your family members around you. how does that make you feel? For all your irritation and impatience, ask yourself whether you would be happier without your nagging wife or your demanding daughter. Your answer might surprise you.

5. Reduce your stress levels

Poor tolerance often stems from being overworked and stressed. Find ways and means to de-stress yourself from time to time. This can be done by engaging in a hobby, working out, meditating, meeting up with friends…. anything that helps you loosen up mentally and physically.

6. Bond with your family

Besides building tolerance, bonding with family can go a long way in helping you stay together as a unit, especially in difficult situations. So go out on weekends, play board games, watch a movie together, play with your kids… anything that the family as a whole enjoys.

7. Communicate

One of the best ways to increase tolerance is to communicate your thoughts with your family members in a non-critical manner, and invite them to share theirs. As discussed above, intolerance often stems from lack of knowledge or understanding.

If you communicate with an open mind, and make a genuine attempt to understand and relate to what your family member is telling you, the foundation for an increased understanding is instantaneously laid down.

Back to Mala and Rakesh

So, in Mala and Rakesh’s case, this was exactly what their therapist worked on. All she did was encourage them to communicate their perspectives with each other in a calm, non-critical manner.

She further encouraged each of them to be open to the other person’s viewpoint, accept the differences between them, and eventually move toward acceptance of each other’s opinions, upbringing and way of thinking. Ultimately, this resulted in better understanding and tolerance, and they were able to save their marriage.

Summing Up

In conclusion, tolerance is a fundamental pillar of family relationships that allows for the acceptance of differences and the fostering of understanding. As seen in the examples of Mala and Rakesh, and others, a lack of tolerance can lead to impatience, conflict, and the breakdown of communication. However, by celebrating differences, improving communication, and practicing empathy, families can strengthen their bonds. Tolerance does not mean accepting harmful behaviors but rather finding a way to navigate through differences in a constructive and compassionate manner. Ultimately, it is this patience and acceptance that can help preserve the integrity of the family unit.

A version of this article first appeared in the November 2010 issue of Complete Wellbeing magazine (Print Edition).

The post Coping With Family Fights: Tolerance Is the Key, Says an Expert appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Unfortunately, this fear often leads us to put important conversations on the back-burner. This head-in-the-sand approach doesn’t stop the future from arriving, but it does pose challenges when certain scenarios arise.

Here are four important conversations to have with your aging parents — for their benefit and yours.

4 Important Conversations to Have With Your Aging Parents

1. Long-term Care Plans

The thought of leaving home or relinquishing independence is incredibly overwhelming for many senior citizens. Unfortunately, aging poses challenges for both the body and the mind. On the lighter side, home maintenance tasks may become dangerous or difficult to perform. Then there are the concerns around falling or forgetting important things.

Ideally, you’ll start having the conversation about long-term care plans well before your aging parents need them. Discuss the various scenarios and what measures can be put in place to help your parents age at home. You can hire local service providers to handle maintenance tasks, or have family members take over. For safety concerns, making the home more accessible or rearranging so the laundry or bedroom is on the main floor can help.

Having these conversations now can help identify steps to take and signs that it’s time for a change before emotions get too high. It also provides more time to plan and enact these changes without extra stress. Take this opportunity to determine whether your parents have insurance coverage for long-term care or if you’ll need to start planning for these financial obligations.

Related » Bed Bumpers for Adults Can Help Prevent Falls

2. End-of-Life Planning

End-of-life planning is another taboo subject that often gets ignored or overlooked. However, it’s one of the most important conversations you can have throughout your life — ideally before you reach the senior years.

Talk to your parents about their end-of-life plans and desires. Having this conversation sooner rather than later will give you time to learn more about the available options and put a plan together. For example, according to the end-of-life specialists, many people are unaware that hospice care can take place at home.

This is also the time to talk about their funeral wishes, put any advance directives in place, and discuss a will. Having legal paperwork is a tremendous stress reliever during a difficult time.

It’s entirely possible that your parents will have a plan in place with a legal will, and clearly outlined instructions and bequests. Even so, this is an opportunity to find out where that information is stored and get a better understanding of their wishes.

3. Budgeting and Financial Planning

Finances are another tough conversation worth having with your aging parents. While it can feel awkward to broach this subject, it’s worth taking the initiative. In many situations, parents facing financial challenges are too proud to ask for help; they might not tell you unless you ask.

This conversation can be rolled into discussions about long-term care and end-of-life planning. Ask them if they have any outstanding debts, where their income is coming from, and if there are any struggles in paying bills. Offer to look over their finances or consult with a financial advisor to see if there’s room for improvement. You can also frame it as checking to see if there are opportunities to save on utilities, and so on.

Related » Why Not Making a Will Is a Big Mistake

4. Fears and Goals to Address

Toward the end of your life, you start thinking about the bigger picture: things you’re afraid of, unrequited dreams you missed out on, choices you would have made differently. Having conversations about these subjects is a powerful way to connect with your parents and help them take control of their golden years.

Ask your aging parents if there are any goals they wish they had accomplished — bucket list items or big trips they wish they had taken. Maybe they dream of having a huge family reunion and seeing everyone together. Then, see what you can do to make these dreams come true.

It’s also worth talking about fear and regrets. It’s never too late to share what you’re afraid of or make amends with estranged loved ones.

Finally, use this conversation to talk about life lessons and memories gathered along the way. What are their best memories? What wild stories from their youth have they never shared? What do they want people to know them for? Consider capturing these missives in an heirloom journal. Remember, not all important conversations have to be difficult.

Summing Up

It’s important to talk about the things no one wants to talk about and have an open, honest dialogue with your parents. Remember to treat them with respect and dignity as you navigate these challenging conversations. You’ll all be better for it.

The post 4 Important Conversations to Have With Your Aging Parents appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.