Introduction: A great life is made up of…

1. Embrace the real you: Cultivate a healthy self-concept
2. Prioritize and nourish fulfilling relationships
3. Choose a satisfying career
4. Fuel your life with whole foods and optimal nutrition
5. Get moving and find exercises you enjoy
6. Explore your world through travel and connecting with others
7. Live your life with purpose
8. Cultivate emotional resilience
9. Spirituality: Make room for the divine

Introduction: A great life is made up of…

Normally, when we think of building blocks of life, we think of DNA and microbiology, of the evolution of life from unicellular microorganisms to complex creatures such as human beings. But for humans, life is a lot more than just physical existence. We are multidimensional beings and our wellbeing doesn’t just depend on getting food, water and air. To live a life of meaning and joy, we need a lot more—we need good health, fulfilling relationships, satisfaction at work and a purpose in life, among other things. Doing well in only one or two areas of life at the cost of others never works.

Here are nine basic building blocks of wellbeing that constitute a great life. Without these in place, your life is likely to wobble and be at a risk of crashing any time. The best part about these building blocks is that they are easy to understand and integrate into your life. What you need is a commitment to live your best life with consistent effort until it becomes your natural way of being. So let’s get going!

The building blocks to create a great life

1. Embrace the real you: Cultivate a healthy self-concept

Regardless of where you’re at, your timing is perfect. No matter how old you are, no matter how many mistakes you’ve made, no matter how much time you’ve wasted in unfruitful thoughts, activities, relationships or jobs, you are meant to be here, right now.

One day, you’ll see how all those “wrong turns” and difficult experiences in your life have worked together to create the perfect you and your perfect life. Right now, you are perfectly designed to live and serve the world in a way that only you can.

This isn’t about creating a self-indulgent “me, me, me” kind of life. Rather, it’s about finally having the courage to recognize the person who you really are, and to make your most important life choices based on that. Your most authentic life and your biggest contribution to society come from the wonderful tapestry made up of all the parts of you—your flaws, your mistakes, your dreams, your talents, your experiences and your natural likes and dislikes. You are completely unique on this planet and in history, and you are here for a reason. Until you start being the real you, in all areas of your life, you can’t possibly experience the fullness of the life that most certainly is waiting for you.

Before depression and desperation forced me to leap and embark on this wonderful adventure that is my life today, my days used to feel like a life sentence. 15 years ago, I was a depressed, anxious, burned out Emergency Medicine resident who panicked under pressure and felt faint at the sight of large amounts of blood.

One night, I reached the point where I no longer wanted to keep living. Thankfully a miraculously timed phone call from a concerned medical colleague saved me from the brink. She told me to take a stress leave, to consider quitting the residency program, and to think about who I really was and what I might want to do with my life. That phone call set me on a whole new path.

Today, I am a wellness and lifestyle expert who speaks internationally and coaches people around the world. I also work with international media and blog for Psychology Today. In the midst of it all, I became a professional flamenco dancer. There’s a lot more to my story [you can read about it in my book, Live a Life You Love: 7 Steps to a Healthier, Happier More Passionate You] but the bottom line is that once I realized who I really was and started making choices from that place, my life bloomed and transformed completely. Your life can, too.

Luckily I don’t always believe what people tell me, otherwise during my season of depression, I might have accepted the “reality” that I was a biologically depressed person who would have to stay on anti-depressants for most of her life. Today, I can’t remember when I popped my last “happy pill”. From the moment that I reconnected with who I really was, and gave myself permission to be my true self, I began making choices that were right for me, instead of listening to what other people thought would be best. And that was when everything began to turn around, and the darkness turned to light. Where once people used to feel sorry for me, today they tell me that they envy my fulfillment and freedom.

If no one else was watching and potentially judging or criticizing you, who would you be? What different choices would you make? What is the truth that is in your heart? These questions aren’t frivolous. They are vitally important in shining the light on the true beauty that is the one, the only, you.

2. Prioritize and nourish fulfilling relationships

I frequently talk about relationships as being one of the most important contributors to your health and happiness. And it’s not just your closest relationships—the number of social contacts you have in your daily life [including the bank teller and your neighbor down the street] are directly associated with your wellbeing.

I’m an introvert and could happily spend long stretches of time working and hanging out at home, without interacting with anyone other than my husband and our dog. Though I love people and deeply appreciate my friends, I don’t have a strong drive to regularly reach out to others. I’m terrible when it comes to calling people, and can easily let long intervals of time pass by without connecting. This hasn’t got anything to do with whether or not I like them, I’m just not very socially oriented. That said, I’m increasingly aware that given the health and happiness benefits of time with other people, it’s in my best interest to override my anti-social tendencies and spend more time with others.

Last week at church, the sermon highlighted three elements that are required to create a better relationship with the divine. While listening to it, I realized it was sensible advice about creating a better relationship not only with the divine, but with anyone who is important to you. Here are the three points, with my take on them:

Three elements to create a better relationship

1. Notice and act on your desire to connect with others

Whenever you think of someone, or spend time with someone, and feel a desire to spend more time with them in the future, make note of it. You might meet someone new who you really like, or hear a song on the radio that’s your uncle’s favorite, or run into an old friend on the street. In that moment, you may be struck by how much you enjoy that person’s company and feel a desire to see them again soon. What do you do when that happens? Like me, do you file it away in your mind, forget and then after five years pass them by and ask yourself, “Has it really been five years since I last saw Jenny?”

When you feel that desire to spend more time with someone, act on it. Make a date for lunch, even if the next possible opportunity is a couple of months or a year away. Pick up the phone and call them when you think of them, just to say hello. Send a quick Facebook or WhatsApp message to let them know you were thinking of them.

2. Spend “real” time together

Speaking of Facebook, I heard someone comment the other day that even though it’s so easy to “keep in touch” with people these days through social media comments, emails or text messages, it’s not the same as real time. Don’t let your regular brief contact with someone online replace face-to-face or voice-to-voice time.

3. Make a special effort that demonstrates your commitment and caring nature

Relationships don’t develop automatically and don’t deepen on their own—they take effort. Be conscious of this in your relationships and think about what efforts you can make to deepen your connection with people who matter to you. What kind of effort would be most significant to each individual? Some people don’t care about birthdays [or actually hate being reminded they’re a year older now], while others feel slighted if they don’t get a phone call or an e-card. Pay close attention to what other people value, and make the effort to connect with them on that level.

Make time for people in your life, especially the ones that you love the most and the ones that make you laugh the most. If a hermit like me can do it, you certainly can. In fact, last night after a long day of work and flamenco dance rehearsals, I dragged myself all the way back into town to go to a friend’s birthday party because I knew that her birthday was important to her. A group of us had dinner, ate heaps of rich flour-less chocolate cake, and then went out dancing. I had the time of my life. In retrospect it’s quite funny that I thought I was making the effort just to please my friend. When we’re good to our friends and family, we’re really taking care of ourselves.

To summarize, focus on helping and loving people, while still taking good care of yourself, and you will thrive.

3. Choose a satisfying career

You can only go so far on talent alone. If you’re good at something, it gets noticed and valued by others, and it certainly opens doors. It can generate much-needed income, which can be very important. Yet when it comes to truly fulfilling your potential and knowing the joy of doing what you were meant to do, the only thing that will give you that experience is what you love.

I’m nowhere near being a truly great flamenco dancer, yet I have been paid surprisingly well to perform [more than I earn per hour as a doctor] on multiple occasions. Apparently there’s something unique I bring to performing, the value of which has everything to do with deep passion and much less to do with technique.

My dance performances are among the most cherished moments of life—the “I could die happy now that I’ve done this” moments. I feel the same way about having published a book.

According to my patients, I’m a pretty good doctor, and they often tell me that they wish I would practise full-time so I could be their family physician. I’m grateful for my education, the knowledge base and the ability to earn income practising medicine, but it would break my heart if it was the only vocation I was limited to. I’m quite sure I’d get depressed again.

No, what makes my heart sing is this: writing, public speaking, media work, dancing, and even just posting educational or inspirational Facebook posts and Tweets that help improve the lives of my online community.

I fully appreciate that you can’t always do what you want. Economic realities are what they are, and it would be foolish for many people to abandon the job that pays the bills in order to pursue their passion. Then again, there are plenty of people who have done just that, and have fared very well.

If you know what your passion is, and have gotten “stuck” in a job or career on the basis of merit versus passion, you might want to do what I did and transition gradually. For years I was a full-time doctor by day and a salsa and flamenco dancer by night, I look back on that season of change with so much fondness.

If you’re honest with yourself about what you really love doing, you owe it to yourself to pursue it in some form. When even a tiny part of your life is spent doing something you love, you would be amazed how bearable it makes everything else in your life that you “have to” do, at least for the time being.

How would you earn your income, if anything were possible? You would likely be amazed by what might actually be possible for you. Life can be so full of delicious surprises, if you’d only just step out and give it a chance.

4. Fuel your life with whole foods and optimal nutrition

How do you feel about the foods that you usually eat? Could you be making better choices? Would you like to learn how to choose foods that will help you achieve your ideal weight, have more energy, or slow down the aging progress? I’m pretty sure I can guess your answer!

I’ve been studying nutrition for over 20 years—I have a university degree in Dietetics, and I wrote a monthly nutrition column for Canada’s doctors and health care professionals for eight years. Even though I’ve got these credentials and the related knowledge, I still face many of the same dietary challenges that you do. Some days [many days] I still have a hard time getting in the “recommended daily amounts” of fruits, vegetables and high-quality protein. I have to remind myself regularly to eat something healthy, rather than simply pop a handful of cookies that I prefer [sometimes I do let myself indulge in the cookies]. So I can only imagine how challenging it might be for you to eat well.

I’m pretty sure that if I stopped almost anyone on the street and asked them to list a few examples of healthy foods, they’d be able to. I find it hard to believe that anyone honestly thinks that a giant cheeseburger and fries is a healthy, balanced food choice.

You probably already know that regular consumption of unhealthy foods can increase your risk of heart disease, diabetes, high cholesterol, and even cancer. I’m not going to dwell on that here because you’ve heard all that before, and if you’re like most people, that knowledge alone hasn’t done much to change your eating habits.

What finally “cured” me of those habits was observing the huge effect that certain foods had on how I looked and felt. I promise you, you’ll be amazed at the effect that simple changes in your diet can have on your face, and the rate that you age in the mirror.

I must warn you that there’s a major side effect of this way of eating: The food choices that make you more beautiful and give you more energy also happen to be the foods that protect your body from illness and biological aging. Certain foods such as sugar, processed foods and white flour increase inflammation, disease and aging in our body cells and in our skin, while other foods such as colorful fruits and vegetables reduce inflammation and may even reverse some of the damage.

If you regularly eat balanced quantities of whole foods that provide good quality protein [such as fish, legumes or free range eggs] and healthy fats [for example from olive oil, fish oil or avocado] in combination with healthy high fiber sources of carbohydrates, you’ll naturally feel fuller and it’ll take longer for you to feel hungry again after eating. You’ll also avoid those blood sugar crashes that can leave you feeling tired and hungry after eating a high-carbohydrate meal or snack.

When you choose healthy whole foods your mind and body feel wonderfully alert and full of energy. I don’t notice it so much day-to-day, but I sure notice it whenever I abandon my healthy way of eating and spend a day, or several days, indulging in delicious but unhealthy foods. Believe me, you’ll notice it too.

5. Get moving and find exercises you enjoy

If you are reading this article, you probably know the importance of physical activity. Nevertheless, it bears repeating that exercising is vital to your wellbeing. If you get enough sleep, eat healthy food throughout the day and fit in a walk or a workout whenever you can, you’ll dramatically increase your ability to cope with stress and will improve your capacity to perform under pressure. You’ll be less likely to burn out, you’ll enjoy better moods and be less irritable, and you’ll also be much less likely to fall sick.

You don’t need to join a gym or hire a personal trainer in order to start getting more exercise. Ever since I was a teenager, going for walks has been my primary way of ensuring that I stay in shape and maintain my weight. Walking is easy on your joints and body, and is great for relieving stress. Best of all, it’s free! Dancing is another great way to get exercise without even noticing that you’re working out. Check out the classes offered by your local community center, or search online for classes in your area. Trust me—you’re never too old and it’s never too late to start dancing!

Find something you like to do and it won’t feel like exercise. I couldn’t keep a commitment to the gym if I tried, but I walk my dog twice a day in the hills around my home and I love to flamenco dance, so I take twice-weekly classes and rehearse and perform regularly. Love going on a long chatty walk with your favorite friend? Make a regular date to do so. Love Latin music? Try Zumba. Get so stressed at work that you feel like hitting your boss? Try a kickboxing class.

No matter what you decide to do to get moving, aim for at least 150 minutes of moderate activity per week [for example, brisk walking], as that seems to be the magic number for optimal health and prevention of disease. Remember, exercise boosts levels of serotonin and dopamine in the brain, and has been shown to be as effective as antidepressants.

6. Explore your world through travel and connecting with others

When I was given that stress leave from residency 15 years ago, I didn’t know what I really wanted to do with my life. I wasn’t sure I’d ever find the courage to leave my residency, but I knew this: I was going to buy a ticket to Cuba. Why Cuba? I can’t explain it, other than I simply knew it. I didn’t even know anyone who had gone there. But now, for some reason, I knew that it was time to go. And I had to go alone.

Whenever you get a clear impulse to do or try something different, or to travel to a distant destination, especially when the idea seems to “come out of nowhere”, it’s usually something that will turn out to be important to your life path. That is, if you’re able to find the courage and faith to do it. The more crazy or improbable an idea seems, the greater its potential power to transform your life—in the very best of ways. Of course, the more unusual the idea, the more terrified and doubtful you’ll feel as you consider it.

When I got to Cuba and watched the other happy tourists gathered around the pool, I felt as if I’d suddenly woken up. I’d spent the last six years around medical students, residents and doctors, and had somehow gotten the idea that it was normal to work around the clock, sleep in hospital greens, and focus my life on textbooks, facts and diseases.

In Cuba, I was surrounded by people celebrating with their friends and families, who told me stories of other vacation adventures and the fun things they did at home. These people worked to live, they didn’t live to work. And some of them even liked what they did!

It was on that trip to Cuba, watching a group of salsa dancers perform in an evening show that I remembered that as a little girl I had dreamed of being a dancer. I went home, resigned from my residency, signed up for salsa dance classes and the rest, as they say, is history.

Sometimes you need to step out of your day-to-day routine and experience a different way of life in order to discover what needs to change in your life. If you can’t afford the time or money to take a vacation far away, take a mini-vacation to a nearby area where you haven’t been before. Expose yourself to new environments and people, break your daily routine—that is the key.

7. Live your life with purpose

In those early days of life change, I remember reading books that talked about “finding your purpose”, and feeling so frustrated that I hadn’t found mine yet. I was convinced that I would never discover any kind of joyful, meaningful purpose to my life. I also remember reading books about happiness, and doubting that I would ever find that, either. During those early years when I read so many different inspirational books and longed for a different kind of life, I didn’t realize that my life had already begun to turn around. In my studies and experiences since, I’ve observed that many people hope for a single lucky day when everything permanently changes for the better. It might be the moment that they finally discover their life’s true calling, or meet their ideal mate, or finally get that big break. In reality, it’s rarely that simple. What I’ve discovered in my own journey is that changing your life from miserable—or just plain mundane—to marvelous requires a continually progressive, multi-layered process.

Purpose of life is unique to all; a phenomenon that’s so individualistic that I believe only you can actually know it or figure it out, though others may certainly help provide input and guidance.

I want to encourage you to release and let go of any pressures you might be feeling around the topic. Connecting with and living your purpose is a beautiful journey that typically unfolds in mysterious and surprising ways. It’s not something to be forced, or something to actively worry about “having to” find. I like to think of it as a treasure hunt, a perfectly paced adventure with your eyes and heart wide open.

All you have to do is decide to be open to this area of your life and be willing to take whatever steps or inspiration calls to you. I’m convinced that if you do that, you can’t go wrong, and you won’t “miss it”. Be curious. Enjoy the process. Marvel at life and its richness as you go along.

“Seek, and you shall find,” as the proverb goes.

Your purpose doesn’t have to be something really “big” either. The value of your impact on others and on the world has nothing to do with its scale.

In order for our world to function, we need people living and contributing at all kinds of different levels. If we could each find and inhabit the sphere we’re supposed to be in, and contribute what we were made to contribute, what a beautiful world it would be.

My true career or vocation is directly tied to my purpose, though the way you make your living does not necessarily have to do anything with why you are here. What is so you that you would just have to do it, no matter what?

Be careful of going in a direction just because others think you should. That said, it’s a good idea to pay attention to the way others compliment you. Is there anything that you’re particularly good at? Is there anything people ask you to do professionally, or do more of?

What is the one thing you want to experience, or do, or accomplish, before you die, so that on your last day on earth you feel satisfied and have no regrets in that area?

8. Cultivate emotional resilience

Life is dynamic. Circumstances change, we change, the people around us change, and you constantly have to readjust to keep it all chugging along harmoniously. I’ve learned the hard way, and not just once, that emotional and life balance isn’t something you just create one day, and then forget about.

To live in a balanced, mentally healthy place, we need to consciously commit to it every day. Just like you stick to a healthy eating plan or an exercise program, emotional wellbeing is something that you decide that you’re going to create, every day, in order to reap its many benefits. It becomes part of your daily routine, like brushing your teeth.

Your life may be so out of control and busy that you don’t know where to start. Or perhaps you fear that you’re so far gone, you’ll never get yourself and your life back. As they say in the 12-step programs, life is about “progress, not perfection”. Any time you discover that you’ve fallen off the balance wagon, whether it’s for a day or for the last few years, you can renew your commitment and start afresh, today.

As soon as life gets crowded, most people push sleep, good nutrition and exercise out of the way, to make room for what we think is “more important”. We’ve got it backwards! We should see these good health basics as the foundation of our day, the non-negotiable framework of balance in our lives, rather than considering them as disposable options.

To survive the ups and downs of life and maintain good mental health, you need plenty of rest. You need to spend time regularly with people that you love. Be generous, help other people. Actively practise gratitude every day, and have a regular “gratitude practice” if at all possible. Gratitude is directly correlated to improved wellbeing and improved mental health in humans.

Watch your thoughts carefully. We all have a negative, critical voice inside us that lies to us, telling us we aren’t worthy of love, aren’t worthy of our hopes and dreams or aren’t good enough. Tell yourself the truth. You aren’t perfect—no one is—but there are good things about you. Focus on what is good and true, and express these qualities more and more in your life. And remember that God always loves you, no matter how imperfect you are.

9. Spirituality: Make room for the divine

If I’m going to teach you what I know about creating a happier, healthier life, I’ve got to talk about spirituality and the divine. I myself am a practising Christian, but if the word “God” makes you uncomfortable, substitute whatever word or term feels right for you [e.g. “universe”, “higher power”, “creator” etc.].

In my book, Live a Life You Love, I referred an article called “The Psychological and Physical Benefits of Spiritual/Religious Practices” by sociologist Dr Ellen Idler. Idler describes some of the surprisingly versatile ways that different people undertake spiritual and religious practices. Her list of examples includes: meditating, singing with a choir, going on a weekend retreat, taking the sacraments, listening to inspired speakers like Dr Martin Luther King Jr, dancing at a wedding, lighting Hanukkah candles, saying prayers and contemplating a sunset view.

People who associate with a religious or spiritual group enjoy tightly knit social circles, which naturally provide many different kinds of support and help them deal with stress. When you walk into a spiritual meeting, people will embrace you with smiles and a warm handshake, and will be thrilled to see you return. Given today’s climate of social isolation and obsession with electronic communication, this kind of unconditional human contact and interaction is needed more now than perhaps at any other time in human history. Also, more than ever, we all need to relax.

Most religious or spiritual practices are both relaxing and health-promoting in nature. Sitting quietly in prayer, taking in the magnificence of a spring garden, or listening to a beautiful choir may be the only time you really stop and sit still in your entire busy week. Taking a few minutes to sit in silence in the morning, to pray and meditate on the things that are most important to you, can be an anchor of peace and stillness that grounds your entire day.

What brings you closer to God?

What practices or activities resonate with or inspire you?

What could you start doing today that would bring you more in touch with this element of life?

Parting words

I hope that as a result of reading this you’ve begun to see meaning, hope and opportunity in your most difficult challenges, and that you’ll simultaneously awaken the talents, dreams and life that uniquely belong to you. It’s my dream that you’ll learn to see and live life in a whole new way, a way that will make life feel better than it ever has before, no matter what’s going on around you. Here’s to your very best life, and may you be blessed with long lasting wellbeing.

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Learn more about how our habits are developed and discover a simple but effective tactic that will help you overcome your urge to smoke, snack or text while driving.

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The way we sleep often becomes a cause for aches and pains during the day. Sometimes it can lead to morning sleepiness. If you want to cure the problems that arise from bad sleeping posture, you need to change your habits.

You can first adopt the changes when going to bed. Slowly, start telling yourself this is how you need to sleep through the whole night. It also helps to alternate between various sleeping positions. That way, the body does not get used to any one posture and does not bear the pressure on the same points day after day.

Let us look at the various ways in which people sleep, what goes wrong and how we can adjust the position to take us towards the ideal way of lying down for our nightly rest.

Sleeping on your belly

In the long run, people who sleep on their stomach experience discomfort. Long hours of sleeping with a curved pelvis lead to stiffness in the lower back. The discomfort doubles if you have a protruded belly because it causes the lower back to sink in further.

Solution: Use support

People who suffer from chronic headaches or neck-aches find relief when they correct this position and take the pressure off the neck and the pelvis. For those who find it difficult to change their ‘tummy sleeping’ posture, it can be made safer by following these simple suggestions.

• Place a rolled towel or a small pillow under the abdomen to prevent a sag in the lower back.
• One knee can be bent towards the chest.
• The pillow placed below the head should be as flat as possible so that the neck does not get arched or twisted to one side.

While these tips may aid you, the best way to rid yourself of aches is to slowly change your habit of sleeping on your belly.

Sleeping on your back

Sleeping on your back significantly reduces the pressure on your back as compared to sleeping on the stomach, as your weight is evenly distributed across the widest surface of the body. However, people suffer from aches and pains even when they sleep in this position. The reason they feel stiff is that the muscles in their back are taut and not relaxed during sleep.

Since the lower back is overarched, the lower spinal muscles are tightened. The curvature puts pressure on the joints and the nerves of the back. This leads to a stiff and sore back in the morning.

Solution: Sleep stretched

This involves elongating the spine when you lie down.

• Lie down on your bed with your head resting on a pillow.
• Fold your knees with the feet flat on the bed.
• Hold your hips lightly with your palms, fingers facing down.
• Push the hips away from your lower back, towards your feet. This is the same way we align the pelvis when we stand.
• Roll your shoulders down so they are rested on the bed and away from the ears.
• To stretch your neck, lift it off the pillow and stretch it away from the body. Maintain the extra length created as you gently place the head back on the pillow.
• Ease out. Straighten your legs. Keep your arms by your side, palms face the ceiling.
• Check your lower back again. It should not be arched up too high. You should be able to slide the fingers of one hand into the natural gap between the back and the bed. If the gap is too much, do all these steps with a pillow placed below your knees.
• If you have tight lower back muscles or suffer from backaches, place a medium-sized, firm pillow under your knees and lower legs. This support stretches the back and reduces the arch. The padding also reduces the pressure on the spine and the discs.

Sleeping stretched has many advantages. Not only does it improve the quality of the sleep, it is also conducive to the spine. It decompresses the discs and the spinal nerves, improves blood circulation and resets the resting length of the tight back muscles. There is also an improvement in breathing when you sleep in this specific position.

Sleeping on your side

People who sleep on their side tend to lean forward from the top, so the top shoulder and the top hip fall ahead. This misaligns the said joints and twists the spine.

Solution: Stack the joints neatly

If you are habituated to sleeping on one side, these guidelines will come in handy.

• While sleeping on any side, the major joints of the body should stack on top of each other—knee on knee, hip on hip and foot on foot.
• When seen from the top, the head, the back, the hips and the feet should be in one line.
• The lower arm can be folded and placed comfortably on the bed or under the pillow.
• The top palm should rest on the top thigh.
• With the top shoulder rolled back, the nerves going from the neck to the arms do not get compressed. The upper shoulder should not get rounded or roll forward as this only reinforces the unhealthy habit of slumping.
• Alternate on each side to prevent muscular imbalance between the two sides of the body.

The pillow debate

It is commonly assumed that using a pillow aggravates the pain of cervical spondylosis. This is a generalisation as each person has different body proportions. Pillow selection may be compared to tailor-made clothes. It is important to choose a pillow according to the alignment of the neck and the spine. You should aim to keep the neck at a neutral position so that the muscles in the back of the neck are comfortable and do not get strained during the night. These muscles’ should get a gentle traction-like stretch with the help of a good pillow.

A good pillow should help neutralise the tightness and the altered curvature of the neck and the upper back. It should encourage the neck to stretch gently. A good pillow is firm enough to hold the baseline shape, yet soft enough to nurture a good sleep.

Cervical rolls [neck pillows] are made to support the natural curvature of the neck or to create one. If the neck muscles are too tight and it is difficult to stretch them due to muscle spasms, cervical rolls can be used temporarily. It is better to support the neck rather than leave it unsupported.

Yet, anything that exaggerates the cervical curvature should not be used. Over time, stretching the neck with the help of an appropriate pillow helps the most.

The thumb rule when choosing a pillow is that the forehead and the chin should be at the same level, when you lay down.

Choosing the mattress

The mattress we choose to sleep on plays an important role too. A person’s specific body type dictates the type of support he needs.

• The mattress should be firm and comfortable and not too soft as it makes the body sag.
• If the mattress has become lumpy and the coils can be felt, or if it sags in the middle, it is time to change it.
• If your hips are wider than your waist, opt for a softer mattress to accommodate the width of the pelvis and allow the spine to remain neutral.
• If the hips and the waist are in a relatively straight line, a more rigid surface offers better support.

So settle in for a good night’s sleep with these tips in mind.

Adapted with permission from The Power of Posture by Renu Mahtani
published by Jaico Publishing House.

This was first published in the February 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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You can answer this question for yourself simply by examining your self-improvement objectives. If your goal is to lose weight, is it because you woke up 5kg overweight this morning? More likely you woke up 15 grams overweight on many mornings [around 333 mornings, to be exact]. Did the overflowing pile on your desk materialise in an instant, or did it creep up one razor-thin paper at a time? Did your relationship sour due to a single, epic argument, or did small gestures of disrespect and discontent slowly creep into your daily interactions? Did you fail to complete a top priority at work because you deliberately ignored it day after day, or did a hundred small distractions keep you from ever gaining traction?

It’s the margins that matter

Once you acknowledge the power of small actions to create a negative effect, it’s easy to understand how just one behavioural change can create a positive trend with lasting results. The truth that I discovered for myself and wrote about in my book Small Move, Big Change is that the real action in personal development happens at the margin of our behaviour, what I sometimes call the vital margin. While it’s heartening to believe that we can transform ourselves from the inside out with a single decree-to-self to become fit, slender, organised, on time, thrifty or clutter free, the real traction in personal development comes from targeting marginal behavioural changes and practising them until they stick. In self-improvement, it’s working the margin that gives you the edge.

Let’s take a simple example of how a small move can lead to a big change in a classic self-improvement area: diet. Dropping pounds weighs in at number one on the global list of New Year’s resolutions, a midnight pledge that often leads to a crash diet which itself crashes after a only a week or two of effort. As an alternative to taking such drastic actions, what might the benefits be of making a microresolution not to eat after dinner?

• Fewer calories consumed
• Better sleep [smaller digestive load]
• Earlier bedtime [because food acts as a stimulant]
• Better hormonal balance [because the key hormones that regulate appetite and satiation require 7.7 hours of sleep]
• Increased appetite for breakfast [the most important meal of the day].

As if that weren’t enough, a new study ^[1] conducted by the Salk Institute for Biological Studies in San Diego, and published in Cell, demonstrates that restricting food consumption to a 12-hour period creates the conditions for maintaining a trim profile. The study found that rats whose eating was limited to 12-hour time span were leaner and healthier than rats fed the same number of calories without time restrictions. Rats that got fat eating around the clock lost weight when they were switched to the restricted hour regime. This is just the latest piece of research demonstrating that when you eat can be as important as what you eat, and that a change at the margin can have a big impact.

New weight loss models reinforce that trimming calories at the margin of your daily diets can have a major impact on weight loss.  For every 100 calories you eliminate [that extra piece of bread, half cup of rice, a cookie], you’ll lose ten pounds over three years, five in the first year. The key to lasting weight loss is identifying routine eating behaviours that can be modified to achieve a sustainable reduction in calories. Do you eat while cooking? While clearing up? Do you accompany every beer with a hefty snack? Just one or two adjustments to your eating routine can reverse an upward weight trend. After years of desperate dieting with no long-term results, I began targeting small behavioural changes through microresolutions and lost 22 pounds in about 14 months [and kept it off]. My very first microresolution: never to eat a conference room cookie again.

When you eat can be as important as what you eat, and that a change at the margin can have a big impact

The role of routine

Understanding the role routine plays in your life is critical for success in self-improvement. Most of your daily activity is managed by a kind of personal autopilot, operating mindlessly in the background while you’re thinking big thoughts, solving problems, and experiencing new things. You don’t have to concentrate to tie your shoes, lock the front door, or navigate to the bus stop—autopilot does that for you. But autopilot also snags that last sweet left by the coffee machine, skips the gym and snaps at a loved one. Learning how to re-engineer an autopilot routine to your advantage is the key to sustainable self-improvement.

Autopilot’s genius is its very mindlessness. Its quiet efficiency ensures that you have adequate mental capacity to meet challenges in professional and personal life. The precious commodity we call willpower is widely misunderstood to be a facet of personality, and we often accuse ourselves of being weak in character when we fail to keep our resolutions. But willpower is actually a neurological function, part of a limited pool of mental resources that also includes decision-making and active initiative. Whenever you exercise willpower, make decisions, or initiate action you are making debits against this scarce resource.

Reforming autopilot means shifting behaviours that are operating mindlessly in the background to the foreground where they require conscious effort. The grander your personal makeover plan, the more behaviours you must move from mindless to mindful, from easy to effortful. Most New Year’s resolutions are so ambitious that they are a virtual declaration of war on autopilot. Dozens of behaviours you would normally pay no attention to must now be consciously managed. The effort of enforcing all this behaviour change is emotionally stressful and mentally expensive. This is why over 90 per cent of New Year’s resolutions end in defeat—willpower is generally no match for autopilot.

But once you understand the dynamics governing personal change, you can leverage them to your advantage. By narrowly targeting a behavioural shift, you can conserve enough willpower to sustain your new routine until it becomes habit. That new behaviour will support you for a lifetime with hardly a conscious thought once it works itself into autopilot. The genius of a microresolution is that it creates mindfulness around a behaviour pattern in order for that behaviour to ultimately become mindless autopilot.

Learning how to re-engineer an autopilot routine to your advantage is the key to sustainable self-improvement

The rules of microresolutions

So, what’s the first step in making a microresolution? Begin by examining a routine in an area of your life that you’d like to improve and zero in on a single behaviour change that you believe will have an impact and be sustainable. Then craft your microresolution according to the rules below, and off you go!

Rule 1 – Don’t make resolutions you can’t keep — A microresolution is easy

A microresolution is a resolution you absolutely have the power to keep—a no excuses resolution. Resist that fatal impulse to go for broke and stretch your commitment to the breaking point; instead focus your microresolution on a reasonable behavioural change you are sure you can sustain.

Let’s take the general goal to be fit as a starting point. If you decide that a good way to increase your fitness level is by walking more and you don’t walk much now, suddenly resolving to walk to work every day wouldn’t be reasonable or realistic. Instead, commit to walking just one day [or walking half the way, or parking your car in the furthest reaches of the lot]. Your microresolution should represent a small change to your routine as it exists today, rather than what you hope your routine will become tomorrow. Your aim should be to master a simple behavioural change that will improve your fitness at the margin.

Feel like walking more than one day this week? Go ahead! A microresolution doesn’t limit what you may do, only what you commit to do. I started out with a microresolution to walk one day a week and now I walk every single day unless something major intervenes. Walking has now become my preference, but I began by forcing myself to walk just once a week. Had I begun with a resolution to walk every day, I would have failed.

One striking example of a limited resolution with big results came from Greta, who was one of the many friends and colleagues who contributed their microresolution success stories to Small Move, Big Change. Greta was a hard worker, very skilled and conscientious, but if she had to work late, was under pressure, had to pick up the slack for an absent employee, or had to miss lunch, she complained about it. Greta wasn’t a person of ill will; her complaints were mostly a misguided attempt to create a kind of camaraderie among co-workers by blowing off steam together.

Your aim should be to master a simple behavioural change that will improve your fitness at the margin

After Greta received feedback that she wasn’t being promoted to a more senior spot because her negative attitude wasn’t right for a leadership position, Greta was shocked. Her first impulse was to feel that she had been unfairly treated, but looking back over her work history, she could see a pattern in her attitude and behaviour and she set about creating a microresolution that would limit her lifelong habit of complaining. Mindful of Rule #1, Greta pledged not to be the first to complain about a work issue, a resolution limited enough that she thought she could maintain it. The very first day after making her resolution, something happened at the office that Greta thought would surely spark complaint. Abiding by her resolution, Greta made no comment and instead waited eagerly for someone else to bitch. She recalls, “I thought to myself, ‘Here it comes, here it comes—wait for it’ and nothing happened. No one said a thing.” It was days before anyone voiced a mild complaint on a different topic. “It was me,” Greta said, “I never realised that I was at the core of the complaining; it seemed to be a shared thing. But when I stopped taking the lead, most of it died off.”

The key to Greta’s success was limiting her resolution; had she pledged never to complain again, she would have failed. By resolving merely “not to be the first” to complain at work, she gave herself a chance to experience a slight difference in behaviour, rather than taking on a complete change of personality. And her targeted resolution turned out to be more revealing than she could have ever anticipated. Four years after her resolution Greta is not complaint-free, but she tells me that, more and more, she sees the glass as half full, rather than half empty, and recently bemoaned the fact that she now works with someone who is a non-stop complainer.

In making your resolution, expect that what you think is easy may turn out to be harder than you think. Any change to autopilot causes stress and a strong impulse to revert to comfortable routines. At this critical moment of taking on your very first microresolution, don’t overreach—prove to yourself that you can succeed by keeping your microresolution limited, reasonable and easy.

A microresolution doesn’t limit what you may do, only what you commit to do

Rule 2 – A Microresolution is an explicit and measurable action

A microresolution is something you commit to do, not something you commit to be. The action of your resolution should be absolute, explicit, and measurable. Resolutions “to exercise more,” “to snack less,” or “to be nicer to my partner” are worthless. These are abstract goals, not actions, and they can’t be measured in real-time. A measurable microresolution is a pledge to take a specific action in a specific circumstance.

Let’s return to walk to work one day a week. Walking one day is reasonable and limited according to Rule #1, but it’s not explicit. Exactly which day are you going to walk to work? Unless a specific day and time are part of your resolution, you’re going to have to decide every day whether or not today is micoresolution day. Got up a bit late? Okay, walk tomorrow. Raining unexpectedly? Okay, walk tomorrow. Stayed up late and feeling weary? Okay, walk tomorrow. This is how we bargain ourselves out of our resolutions, constantly deferring or reformulating our commitments until they dissolve entirely. Every one of these bargaining sessions draws on decision-making, a debit against that scarce mental resource pool that includes the willpower you need to effect change. Making it up as you go along is mentally exhausting—just pick a day and time and stick to it. The magic of this rigour is that you’ll find yourself managing obstacles out of your way rather than looking to excuse yourself. If today’s the day, then today’s the day!

Not every microresolution is cued by a day or time. If you’re working on not being defensive, for example, and you’ve decided to respond to unwanted feedback by saying, “I appreciate you taking the time to tell me this, I’m going to give it some thought,” the cue for your resolution could come at you at any time. And if you are a highly defensive person, you’ll find you have too many cues to process. So be selective in identifying your cue, perhaps narrowing your resolution to respond only to a cue from a parent, a partner, or a boss. If you practise your response relentlessly in one circumstance, over time you’ll find yourself less defensive in every circumstance, but keep your focus tight when you first begin.

A microresolution is something you commit to do, not something you commit to be

Rule 3: A Microresolution pays off upfront

One of the self-defeating aspects of the New Year’s resolution is that it is generally a someday proposition. When you resolve at the New Year “to be organised,” each day that you’re not absolutely organised you’re failing, so your resolution’s payoff is projected into the future— you will be organised, someday. But constantly deprecating what can be realistically achieved today in favour of a fantasy tomorrow only cheats you out of the progress you could make today. A microresolution is focused on a clear benefit that can take root today.

What is the immediate reward of a microresolution not to say I told you so to your partner? Well, if telling your partner I told you so creates friction, then it stands to reason that if you manage to refrain from crowing over your petty victory, you will eliminate that friction. Will it fix everything that is wrong with your relationship? Probably not, but it will deliver a real benefit the very first time you resist the impulse to score points at your partner’s expense.

Likewise, a resolution to hang up my coat when I come home delivers its benefit as soon as the action is complete—your coat is in the closet rather than rebuking you from a chair. Are there longer-term benefits to putting your coat away as soon as you come home? Absolutely! After many weeks of immediately putting your coat in the closet, you might find yourself hanging up your work clothes instead of dropping them onto the bedroom chair, because your coat routine has established a pattern in autopilot that is now organising other behaviours. It might even occur to you that a paper is as easily filed as added to a pile. But when you embark on your microresolution, your focus should be on the immediate benefit you’re going to receive, rather than anticipating rewards in the future.

Rule 4: A Microresolution is personal

A microresolution succeeds because it is designed explicitly by you and for you, based on a personal routine you practise today. One-size-fits-all resolutions such as to be on time ultimately break down into a set of behavioural changes specific to an individual. Are you late because you can’t find your keys? Transit card or gas tank empty? Did your kid forget to print out his homework until the last minute? Missing a button on your shirt? Can’t find directions to your first appointment of day? Each person who struggles with morning lateness will make different microresolutions based on their personal behaviour. Fixing a personal routine is very like debugging a computer program—you need to analyse where the routine is failing to perform and then target behavioural bugs until it runs smoothly.

Brian and Dorrie, parents and academics, were to put it delicately, neatness challenged. Each had their own study, but their studies were so full of books and papers that both often worked in the living and room. At any given moment, books, papers, and laptops littered the couch and coffee table, briefcases were splayed open on the floor, and piles of books mixed with newspapers and colouring books on the floor and side tables. Hosting any social event at home meant a major cleanup, and drop-in visitors provoked scrambling and apologies.

Brian and Dorrie’s first neatness microresolution was a joint one, aimed strictly at containment: zero tolerance for briefcases, books and papers left in the living room. It was okay to read and study in the shared space, but as soon as work was finished or interrupted, the books and papers had to be put back into the studies. This rule was strictly enforced even if the interruption was dinner and study was going to resume afterwards. Dorrie and Brian’s daughter also had to return toys and colouring books to her bedroom as soon as she left the living room. While the studies and bedrooms remained messy, the living room became an oasis of order in an otherwise chaotic household. Best of all, Dorrie and Brian were able to invite people over spontaneously without fear that a guest would have to navigate a minefield of books and toys or get speared by a pair of child’s scissors left on the couch. Unlike the popular resolution, “to keep the house neat,” that fails for most of us, Dorrie and Brian’s microresolution succeeded because it was designed to work for their lifestyle and habits.

A microresolution succeeds because it is designed explicitly by you and for you, based on a personal routine you practise today

It’s amazing what you learn about yourself when you disrupt an autopilot routine. A recent microresolution of mine was to reread my email prior to sending if I was disagreeing with anyone on the thread. I discovered through this microresolution that the dashed-off emails I had thought were tempered and respectful sounded curt or dismissive when I reread them. Making one or two simple changes—such as asking a question rather than making a statement, or saying “we” instead of “I”—made a big difference in the tone of the message and people’s subsequent willingness to engage. My experience with the email resolution made me more aware in general of how a well-intended communication can go awry when one is under pressure. This change in behaviour reinforced for me how every microresolution is an adventure in self-discovery.

How many microresolutions should I make at once?

To ensure success every time you commit to self-improvement, make no more than two microresolutions at a time and keep them for four to six weeks before moving on to new ones. Your microresolution won’t be true autopilot by then [that will take months], but it should feel pretty solid before you queue up the next one. Some microresolutions take hold more slowly because they are modifying a behaviour with very deep roots.

My microresolution to savour my food and drink [reframed from my yucky initial resolution to chew my food slowly] took many weeks, but it created an eating mindfulness in me that proved profound and also exposed my unconscious autopilot attitude that I must “finish first” even when it was counterproductive. Stick with your resolutions until they stick, don’t be in a rush to move on too quickly—practice makes permanent. If you make microresolutions two at a time and keep them for an average of five weeks before taking on new ones, you’ll make 20 permanent behavioural changes a year, and that’s huge.

Stick with your resolutions until they stick, don’t be in a rush to move on too quickly—practice makes permanent

The Magic Rose Geranium

There’s a children’s story called “The Magic Rose Geranium” which was a great favourite of mine as a child; my mother bought it to keep me occupied on a trip to the supermarket. It’s the story of a woman who lives in a cluttered, shabby house with an unkempt yard. The woman is depressed by her surroundings but when she looks around at all there is to do, she feels overwhelmed and never makes a start. One day a friend comes to visit and makes her a gift of a rose geranium plant. The plant looks so bright and cheerful on the kitchen table that it highlights the table’s poor appearance—so the woman paints it. The smart coat of paint on her table sets in relief the stained rug underneath it—so the woman cleans it. Now the woman sees that the centre of the kitchen looks spiffy, but that the cupboards are looming dingily—so she scrubs them clean, and so it goes, until the entire house, yard, and the woman herself are transformed from shabby to ship-shape.

When the woman’s friend comes to visit again, she is shocked by the transformation she encounters and asks her friend what happened. “It’s all due to that magic rose geranium you gifted me!” That’s exactly how microresolutions work. Successfully building a new behaviour creates momentum, can-do energy, and fresh inspiration until you find yourself in a state of continuous self-improvement.

Small is powerful in the modern era

We live in the age of the small and powerful, where micro computer chips, tablets, iPods, smart phones and apps drive productivity at work and at home. Micro-financing is eliminating poverty one family at a time. Nanotechnology is revolutionising medicine. Critical communications arrive in 140-character tweets, hitting global distribution lists in microseconds. These tools are targeted, designed to fill a specific need exactly and deliver value immediately. So it is with microresolutions—each is designed to hit a specific personal-improvement target exactly and deliver benefits immediately.

The fireworks of New Year’s fizzle out, but your season of beginnings is whenever you start afresh. Plant just one small seed of change and discover the difference it can make today, and for many seasons to come.

^{[1] http://www.cell.com/cell-metabolism/abstract/S1550-4131%2814%2900498-7↩}

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You might have seen a cartoon doing the rounds of social media in which a man on the podium, a leader of sorts, is asking the audience, “Who wants change?” and everyone’s hands go up, faces all bright and eager. In the next frame, the leader asks, “Who wants to change? This time, no hands come up, faces all sullen. If you identify with this audience, you are not alone. It’s the story of our lives—we want the world to change but are not ready to change ourselves. Like Mark Twain once quipped, “Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.”

The truth is, many of us do want to change, but still don’t. We have noble intentions to give up our self-defeating habits, to change our unhelpful attitudes and inculcate more productive behavioural patterns. But intention without action is only a mental abstraction. Rhyming apart, why do we resist action even when we know it’s good for us? The reason is lack of faith—in our ability to do what it takes. And this lack of faith, in turn, is due to the way we approach change—in leaps. Such an approach is designed to fail, as it almost always does. We start off highly motivated but are soon overcome by the old patterns. Mary Shelley, author of the gothic novel Frankenstein, would have been familiar with this very human tendency, when she remarked, “Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.”

The best way to change, it turns out, is to start small. If we commit to just one small change, we could achieve results beyond imagination, says Caroline Arnold, the author of our cover story this month. Introducing a technique she calls microresolution, Caroline reveals to us the surprising power of small changes. She tells us how the real action in personal development happens at the margin of our behaviour. “While it’s heartening to believe that we can transform ourselves from the inside out with a single decree-to-self to become fit, slender, organised, on time, thrifty, or clutter free, the real traction in personal development comes from targeting marginal behavioural changes and practising them until they stick. In self-improvement, it’s working the margin that gives you the edge,” she writes.

Using examples of fitness, relationships and workplace, Caroline demonstrates the power of microresolutions in bringing about those much desired and long overdue changes we have been intending. She also puts forth four rules that will help you make, and carry out, your microresolutions so that you begin to see instant and tangible results.

Once you understand the power of small changes, you will never again find change daunting. Then, little by little, you can change everything that is not working for you, to finally build the life of your dreams. You can start by reading the full story here now.

Happy changing!

The post June 2015 issue: Break that pattern; change what’s not working for you appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

1. 1. Use the power of the pen. Recognition is the number one motivator. A simple thank you note is more important than money to most people. Open the fancy pen you got for your birthday and say thanks to the people who helped you succeed.
   2. Understand the importance of emotions. Feelings are a part of daily life and business. When people’s feelings are hurt, their performance suffers. So make sure you deal with these issues sooner rather than later.
   3. Be passionate. If you don’t love what you do, your team won’t either. Show them that you’re excited and watch them give their best at all times.
   4. Communicate effectively. If you don’t use effective communication skills, you may fail to motivate people and get the most out of them. Don’t be afraid to take a brush-up course and listen to hints from those who are in the positions you aspire to be in.
   5. Do a company evaluation at least once a year. Take inputs from your team. Ask them to respond in writing to important questions like, “What do we need to change?” and “What do we need to keep doing more often?”
   6. Create a healthy environment. Every new person in your team should feel welcome and comfortable. Appoint a mentor to assist the person. This helps build confidence and creates the motivation to go on.
   7. Balance your team’s skills sets. If everyone in a team is an innovator, nothing will get done. Similarly, a team of only implementers will create nothing new.
   8. Remember that customer service rocks. Value your clients and their needs. This is the key to successful business relationships.
   9. Take your team’s opinion. This shows them that their suggestions are valued and hence will put more energy and effort to achieve the target goal. Ask them what they think and you’ll get their dedication in return.
   10. Organise a knowledge lunch. Keep your team up-to-date by having a lunch meeting once a week or month. Getting together for things other than work helps them reconnect with each other.
   11. Deal appropriately with fear. Provide a forum to safely discuss any fears your team might have. When team members fear, they do not perform at their highest level.

1. 1. Inspire faith. You need to believe in what you and your company are doing, and to share the power of that belief with your team members.
   2. Pursue failure. Failure is not an ending; it is a stepping stone to the right answer. Stop beating yourself up for mistakes and see them as an opportunity to begin again with additional information, knowledge and experience.
   3. Take responsibility. You are responsible for everything that goes right, and anything that goes wrong. As it is rightly said, the fish stinks from the head down.
   4. Have fun. If your team members enjoy work and have fun, it is sure to reflect in their productivity and ultimately in your profits.
   5. Beware of invalidation. The number one motivation killer is making a team member feel less important. If you mistakenly say the wrong thing to someone, apologise immediately. You’ll look like a responsible leader rather than an insensitive bully.
   6. Maintain your composure under pressure. As Thomas Jefferson has said, “Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain cool and unruffled under all circumstances.”
   7. Keep yourself updated. To keep your skills sharp and get answers to difficult questions, get into a group of non-competing peers.
   8. Ask powerful questions. The right question at the right time can eliminate major problems or help a team member find the best answer available.
   9. Learn to deal with difficult people. There are specific techniques to deal with different types of people. Doing this effectively will maintain a healthy balance in your team.

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There’s no good habit as such

Life is continuously changing—it is a flux—and habits are stagnant. The more you are surrounded by habits, the more you are closed to life. You are not open, you don’t have windows. You don’t have any communication with life; you go on repeating your habits. They don’t fit; they are not the right response to the situation, to the moment. They are always lagging behind, they are always falling short. That’s the failure of your life.

So remember: I am against all kinds of habits. Good or bad is not the point; there is no good habit as such, there is no bad habit as such. Habits are all bad because habit means something unconscious has become a dominating factor in your life, has become decisive. You are no more the deciding factor. The response is not coming out of awareness but out of a pattern — structure — that you have learned in the past.

Victims of habit

I have seen many rich people living very poor lives. Before they became rich, their habits became settled—and their habits became settled when they were poor. That’s why you find so much miserliness in rich people; it comes from the habits that became ingrained in them when they were poor.

One of the richest men in the world was the Nizam of Hyderabad. His collection of diamonds was the greatest in the world because he owned the diamond mines of Golconda, which have provided the greatest diamonds to the world. The Kohinoor comes from Golconda. It was once in the Nizam’s possession.

But he was one of the most miserly men in the world. He used a single cap for 30 years. It was stinking, but he wouldn’t change it. He continued to wear the same coat for almost his whole life and he would not give it to be washed because they might destroy it.

He was so miserly—you cannot imagine—that he would collect half-smoked cigarettes from the guests’ ashtrays and then smoke them. The richest man in the world smoking cigarette butts smoked by others! The first thing he would do whenever a guest left was to search in the ashtrays and collect the ends of the cigarettes. When he died, his greatest diamond was found in his dirty shoes. He was hiding it in his shoe! Even when one is dying one is moving in old habits, following old patterns.

Getting to the cause

You have not tried to be conscious of it; without trying to be conscious you have tried to drop it. It is not possible. It will come back, because your mind is the same; its needs are the same, its problems are the same, its anxieties, tensions are the same, its anguish is the same. And when those anxieties arise, what will you do? Immediately, mechanically, you will start searching for the cigarettes.

You may have decided again and again, and again and again you have failed—not because smoking is such a great phenomenon that you cannot get out of it, but because you are trying from the wrong end.

Rather than becoming aware of the whole situation—why you smoke in the first place—rather than becoming aware of the process of smoking, you are simply trying to drop it. It is like pruning the leaves of a tree without cutting the roots.

And my whole concern here is to cut the roots, not to prune the tree. By pruning the leaves and the branches the tree will become thicker, the foliage will become thicker. You will not destroy the tree; you will be helping it, in fact. If you really want to get out of it you will have to look deeper, not into the symptoms but the roots.

Meditate to de-programme the mind

Osho was once asked, “Is there any state of mind, which has never been programmed at all? Or are there any techniques to de-condition our brain?”

Osho’s answer:
There has never been any consciousness which has not been programmed. In the very upbringing comes the programming. Even if the child is brought up not by you but by wolves in the wild, the wolves will programme the child.

Just a few years ago, a 12-year-old child was found who had been brought up by the wolves in the forest in north India. He could not stand even on his two feet. He ran like a wolf; even the best runner could not manage to keep pace with him. He had been programmed by the wolves.

Conditioning is unavoidable

The problem is, you have to bring the child up, and somebody has to take care, and whoever is going to take care is going to, knowingly or unknowingly, condition the mind of the child. It is not a question that you have to programme consciously. But how the child will learn the language… it is a programme. That’s why every language is called the mother tongue, because the child never finds the father speaking in the presence of the mother. Naturally, he is conditioned by the mother.

There is no possibility of anybody being brought up un-programmed.

Deleting all programming

And you are asking, “Are there any techniques to de-condition our brain?” There are techniques to de-condition, but that is re-programming. You can call it de-conditioning, but in fact, what are you doing? You are putting B in place of A. The only possibility is meditation; that’s why meditation should not be called a technique. It is simply relaxing into your own inner world, alone—without a guide, without scriptures—and becoming so silent that not a single ripple of thought remains. That’s the only way of cancelling all programming.

Rising above all programmes

Meditation is the only way—not the technique—in which you can find your self-nature, your Buddha-nature in its purity, in its virginity, untouched by anybody.

Except meditation, either you will be a Hindu or a Mohammedan or a Christian or a Jew—some kind of programme will be there. Only the meditator rises above all programmes, becomes a simple, innocent consciousness on which nothing is written. But this gives such clarity of vision, such intensity of perception, such great joy of being that one becomes, for the first time, part of the eternal dance of existence. Those who are programmed by anybody… Christian or Communist, Mohammedan or Hindu, it does not matter who programmes you; he destroys your purity.

Any doctrine, any effort of teaching about things, which are not your experience is going to spoil your purity. For 10 thousand years there has been only one way; its name is meditation.

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