Here are five things I do as I wake up every morning, holidays included, to make sure that my day is happy and productive.

5 Things That Should Be a Part of Your Morning Routine

1. Wake up with gratitude

As soon as I open my eyes, even before I get out of bed, I take a few moments to be thankful for the gift of another day. I then place both my hands on my heart and greet myself with a cheerful “good morning”. I started doing after watching this video by Shauna Shapiro. Try it! It’s a sweet little gesture to begin your day on a happy note.

Then, as I face the mirror to brush my teeth, I do some mirror work as taught by Louise Hay. Mirror work is where you look at yourself in the mirror and say positive and loving things to yourself. Most of us are quick to criticise ourselves for our weaknesses but reluctant to praise and appreciate ourselves for our strengths. And nothing could be worse for our self-esteem than berating ourselves first thing in the morning. So, I make sure to smile at myself when I face my reflection in the mirror each morning and say words of praise and appreciation. This part of my morning routine instantly improves my mood and my energy.

2. Make your bed as soon as you’re out of it

This may seem as something insignificant but it has many benefits. It’s the first ‘task’ of the day and I use it as an opportunity to practise mindfulness.

As I fold the sheets and make the bed, I try to stay in the present moment and not let my mind play a rerun of yesterday’s events or plan for the day ahead. A neat bed makes the whole room look more organised and gives a fresh feeling. Be sure to teach this to your children, early on.

In this talk, Navy Seal Admiral McRaven emphasises how a mundane task as making your bed every morning can give you a sense that the little things in life matter and, if you can’t do the little things right, how can you trust yourself to do the big ones right?

3. Expose your eyes to natural light

The human body has a natural inbuilt clock, known as the diurnal cycle or circadian rhythm. Exposing your eyes to natural light in the morning helps to reset this body clock. I allow natural light fall on my retina as soon as possible in the morning. You could just stand at the window and look skyward. Or go outdoors and soak up the sun to expose your eyes to natural light—vitamin D is a bonus. Exposure to natural light increases the secretion of serotonin, a hormone that makes you alert, awake and feel good. And it’s free! So why not include it in your morning routine?

4. No internet for first 2 hours

In this era of hyper-connectedness, guess what is the first thing we reach out for as soon as we wake up? You’re right: It is the smartphone. Turning on the phone wifi/data [I turn it off before sleeping] results in a barrage of notifications, causing my attention to scatter and bring on a feeling of overwhelm. So I have made it a point not to check my phone till at least two hours after waking up—longer if possible. This also helps me avoid checking my email, social media, WhatsApp messages and news first thing in the morning. It is an entirely avoidable stimulus in the morning, especially because I know it engages my mind in unproductive ways. I make an exception to this morning routine rule only if I am expecting an urgent email or message, and then too keep my focus only on business at hand.

5. Get done with the important stuff

If there is something that you really want to [have to] do, but you tend to push it down on your priority list as the day progresses, get that one thing done ASAP. As a yoga trainer it’s important for me to keep up my yoga practice atleast 3 – 4 times a week [besides other forms of exercise]. On days when I skip my morning yoga in the hope that I will do it in the evening, I’m often unable to do it altogether as other things take precedence. So even if it’s just 10 minutes, I make sure that I do yoga in the morning itself. Whether you need to write, run, read, or practise some skill, make sure you do it in the morning before other important/unavoidable tasks take over your time. You don’t want to end your day with feelings of guilt and regret for not having done what matters to you the most.

I urge you to tweak your morning routine for four weeks; to include the above suggestions and notice the difference to your sense of purpose and your energy levels.

The post 5 Things That Should Be a Part of Your Morning Routine appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been asking my gurus/teachers only one question: “What is happiness?” After what seemed like an awfully long search for an answer, I derived my understanding of happiness: For me happiness revolves around four aspects of life.

Health

Imagine a day when everything is going right for you but you are experiencing a splitting headache, would you feel happy? The answer is a definite NO. Our body is an extremely intelligent machine. It keeps giving us signals when something needs to be addressed. If the body is not healthy, we cannot function optimally. Life could become a burden for someone who constantly falls sick. Just like a machine that works all day, so does our body; so it is important to make sure that this machine gets high quality fuel, enough downtime and regular repair and maintenance i.e. good food, enough sleep and regular exercise.

I firmly believe that “Yoga is the only form of exercise that leaves you energised yet calm”. Even after doing 50 suryanamaskars [if done correctly], there is a sense of balance and calmness in the body and mind. So to me, physical wellbeing and freedom from illness is the foundation of happiness.

Relationships

Sharing great relationships with your loved ones is a beautiful space to be in. As humans we need to have connection in our lives, people we love and people who love us back. We are after all social animals. Have you noticed how an argument with someone can be so draining for us? It can change our mental state immediately and make us uncomfortable. On the other hand, healthy and peaceful relationships are so comforting. If the relationships that matter most are healthy, we experience happiness within.

Sense of purpose

We all need a sense of purpose to drive us. Having something to look forward to every morning is a great motivation. It should just be something that you love doing and wish to do more of. This need not be categorised as right or wrong or something lofty that will change the world; as long as it makes you feel good, it fits the bill.

Don’t you feel drained when you do things just because you have to do them? Take a moment and think of your favorite activity, and remember that day when you didn’t have to push yourself even to wake up at 4am to do what you love doing.

Journey

If the journey is not interesting, it doesn’t matter how good the destination is. Life becomes boring unknowingly. Let’s assume you are on a long plane journey to an exotic destination with your loved one, and you get into an argument on the flight. What a bummer! It can ruin the whole vacation no matter how exciting the destination may seem. Similarly in life, if we focus on enjoying our present moment, life can be a lot simpler and enjoyable. If you enjoy every moment of your journey, life is rocking.

In my opinion, striking a balance between these four pillars is what brings happiness. When all of these are in place, we don’t need to chase happiness. We just have to live our life and these work as magnets that will attract happiness to you.

Would love to hear from you. Do write to me your thoughts on what brings you happiness.

The post The four magnets that can attract happiness into your life appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

“I am good when I give to others. It’s better to give than to receive.” Myth or magic?

Although many of us have grown up believing that it is our solemn duty to give, give, and keep on giving to others, that is only half-truth—a myth that prevents us from living joyfully and giving fully. Instead, consider what the world’s great sages say: You have a duty to give to others and to give to yourself. When you are in need, you must also receive. This advice sounds obvious, but how many of us are even near the top of our own copious to-do lists?

The principles of giving and receiving that apply to our daily lives are no different than the principles that operate in nature all around us. “A field that has rested gives a bountiful crop,” said the Roman poet Ovid. The earth must receive enough sunshine, water, and nutrients before it can produce a bountiful harvest from the seeds we plant. After the earth has given birth to the harvest, it must then rest and restore its life force so it can give again. The same is true of your life. How can you give to others if you don’t first nourish and fill yourself?

In a way that you might not have considered before, that question is embedded right inside the first principle we are taught as children—the golden rule. The golden rule is found throughout the world’s traditions. The Mahabharata, the ancient epic of India, says, “Do naught unto others, which would cause you pain if done to you.” Islam affirms that a true believer “desires for his brother that which he desires for himself,” and Christianity teaches, “Love thy neighbour as thyself.” Yet, if we are to love and treat others as [that is, in the same way that] we love and treat ourselves, how does that leave them if we treat ourselves with anything less than love and affection? Put another way, we can’t really honor others if we don’t first honor ourselves.

Myth: It is always my duty to give to others.

Magic: It is my duty to give to myself as well as to others. By giving to myself, I am giving to others.

Here, then, we meet the first paradox of the inner art of giving and receiving—we are able to care for and love others best when we care for and love ourselves first. Like all true paradoxes, the two seeming opposites are not mutually exclusive but mutually inclusive.

There is a season for both giving and receiving. Ecclesiastes, known as “the Teacher,” tells us [in the words made popular in the song by Pete Seeger]: “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;… A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing.” Our job is to recognize which season we are living in at the moment and honor its call.

Learning to give to yourself

Some of us are awesome givers but not very good receivers. We don’t ask for support. We don’t admit to others or to ourselves that we need any. We don’t even like to accept compliments. We reside on one side of the paradox [“I have a duty to give to others”], but we have forgotten about its complement [“I have a duty to give to myself”]. When that happens, the universe will step in to wake us up, to create balance, and to show us that we must honor ourselves too.

No matter who we are, life automatically apprentices us to the art of giving and receiving, and our lessons often begin with what we can see and touch—our bodies. They start with the questions: Do you love yourself enough to honor your body’s needs? Do you give yourself the nourishment, rest, and recreation you deserve?

If you don’t willingly give that to yourself, your body will eventually make sure you get it. I saw this happen to an acquaintance I would spend time with a few times a year at business meetings. At one meeting, I asked how she was feeling, knowing that she had been recovering from a recent surgery. “I’m good, but busy again,” she said with a frown. “If I don’t get some time off soon, I’m going to have to schedule another visit to the hospital!” My heart skipped a beat as I realized that she might very well fulfil her own prophecy. She hadn’t learned the lesson her body had tried to teach her the first time.

I’m no stranger to these lessons myself. When I was recuperating from my own unexpected trip to the hospital, a friend, who was a nurse, insisted on dropping by a few times a day to make sure I had everything I needed. She could see I was having a hard time sitting still and accepting the fact that I should rest, so she appointed herself my guardian angel for the week. I kept telling her that I felt fine and there was no reason I couldn’t get up. Besides, there were so many things I needed to attend to. She didn’t buy it. Looking me straight in the eye, she said, “Your job now is to sit still and relax.”

If we want to get in touch with our inner potential, we must also care for our bodies

She went on to tell me that she was just passing on a lesson she had learned when she had gotten sick. Like me, she had wanted to bolt from her bed and get going. A mentor of hers, catching her out of bed, sent her right back under the covers. “It’s where you belong,” she had told her. “You’ve been a nurse for so long that you think you should always be giving to others. Now you have to learn to receive.” I could identify with that. I suspected that my tendency to work so hard for so long was partly what put me into the hospital in the first place. After my friend left, I sat back, closed my eyes, and promptly fell asleep. She was right. My body wasn’t quite ready to start giving again.

Although we have been taught to think that spirituality encourages us to turn our attention away from the body and the material world to what is “otherworldly,” there’s a misconception wrapped up in that logic—a misconception that the world’s great teachers have warned us to watch out for. They tell us that if we want to get in touch with our inner potential, we must also care for our bodies.

Rabbi Nachman of Bratslav, for example, said, “Strengthen your body before you strengthen your soul.” More than two thousand years earlier, this same realization prompted the founder of Buddhism to develop one of the keystones of his philosophy—the Middle Way. Siddhartha Gautama, an Indian prince, left his wife and young child looking for something more than riches and material pleasure. For six years he was an ascetic, believing that the practice of intense austerities would lead him to his goal of becoming enlightened. Depriving himself of the nourishment he needed, he became so weak that one day he almost died of starvation.

Fortunately, a young girl found Gautama and offered him a bowl of nourishing rice milk. Realizing that his sacrifices and severe practices had not brought him closer to enlightenment, he gratefully ate the meal. Strengthened, he vowed to meditate under a tree until he attained enlightenment. Gautama faced many temptations during the ordeal but, with his strength intact, he succeeded at last in achieving his goal. After his awakening, the first thing he taught was that only when we walk the Middle Way—can we attain enlightenment, indeed any deeply held goal.

That universal principle of the balanced Middle Way applies as much to us today as it did to those who first heard it from the Buddha’s lips. We, too, must examine whether our extreme sacrifices and the habits we think are making us “good” are actually bringing us closer to the fulfilment and meaning we seek in life. Do you sacrifice the needs of your body because you have adopted the myth that “my one and only duty is to give to others”? Do you ignore the warning signs and messengers who are trying to get you back into balance? Do you think of your body as something you must love?

Nora, a biochemistry researcher, found that changing how she looked at her body changed her life. For years, Nora had struggled with all kinds of diets and regimes without any success. When she had a serious health scare, she told herself that this was the last straw. She had to get into shape. It was now or never.

Fast forward three months. That’s when I met a new Nora, with a triumphant smile on her face. She had astounded herself and her friends by losing more weight than she had ever thought possible in so short a time. “I tend to be in my head a lot,” she admitted, “and so I never took much time to pay attention to my body. Once I started doing what was good for me physically, I saw that it wasn’t about losing weight but about loving my body. That made all the difference. Being careful about what I feed myself isn’t hard when I think about it like that.”

The first step to bringing your life back into balance is to be able to recognize when you are out of balance

You don’t have to be overweight to identify with Nora. With the hectic pace of our lives, when something has to give it’s often our bodies that get the short end of the stick, whether that’s reflected in the meals we skip, the fast foods we gobble down on the run, the excessive stimulants we drink, or the exercise we never quite fit in. The problem is that when we don’t keep our body in balance, the rest of us—our mind, our emotions, our spirit, our relationships—suffer as well.

There is a scene in the book Zorba the Greek that sums up the importance of caring for our bodies. The earthy Zorba never does anything without total resilience and passion. Zorba’s boss has yet to learn the joys of his life-affirming lifestyle. When his boss, head buried in a book and in the clouds, claims he’s not hungry and doesn’t want to eat the delicious meal Zorba has just prepared, Zorba exclaims, “But you’ve not had a bite since morning. The body’s got a soul, too, have pity on it. Give it something to eat, boss, give it something; it’s our beast of burden, you know. If you don’t feed it, it’ll leave you stranded in the middle o’ the road.”

The illusion of being full

Another myth that makes it hard to give ourselves the attention we deserve is the myth that busyness is strength—that the more balls we can juggle, the stronger we are. When we seem to have the ability to keep pushing—to go, go, go—we believe that we can do anything. We think that we’re members of that special breed who are built to give and who don’t need to rest and take breaks as much as everyone else. This is, in fact, a trick we play on ourselves. The truth is often that the more driven we are, the less energy we really have.

Brendan Kelly, an acupuncturist and herbalist who specializes in Chinese five-element acupuncture, talked to me about how this works, because, admittedly, I’m one of those who has managed to fool myself. Like all healing traditions, there are many ways of looking at how energy works in the body and in our lives, and what follows is just one interpretation of the classic Chinese view of how the body, mind, and spirit work together. It’s based on the idea that the body naturally needs alternating cycles of activity and rest so that we can replenish our reservoir of strength.

Our modern, fast-paced culture adds to the illusion by encouraging the buzz of busyness

An abundance of activity in our lives creates what Chinese medicine looks at as “heat” in the body. The heat we produce by our constant busyness uses up our body’s “coolant,” which we need in order to maintain our internal resources and reserves. When we use too much of our reserves and have much more heat than coolant, we can start to have a variety of symptoms, anything from anxiety and insomnia to hot flashes, redness, or heat anywhere in the body. “This coolant is what the Chinese call yin energy, and it is one source, though not the exclusive source, for our internal peace as well as deep wisdom,” Brendan explained. “What happens when we burn out this coolant is that we are sacrificing the possibility of deep peace and wisdom for short-term activity and busyness.”

In other words, by keeping our lives full of activity without taking time to reenergize, we create “a lack of internal peace and we don’t have the ability to listen to who we are,” said Brendan. “Without enough ‘coolant,’ we cannot know who we are in our heart or express who we are in a balanced way.”

As you might expect, we can rebuild our yin energy [our coolant] by relaxing and creating a state of stillness, whether by giving ourselves more breaks or more sleep, engaging in prayer or meditation, or using certain healing therapies.

Now, here’s how we trick ourselves. The less strength or resources we have within, the more we may sense an internal inadequacy, as if we just don’t have enough to keep going. None of us likes that feeling, so we tend to push even harder to make up for it. We pump ourselves up with stimulants, fill our days with activity, and create more external busyness. All of that masks the feeling that we’re really running on empty. The busyness, the activity, and the stimulants conceal our internal depletion and create the illusion that we have more energy than we do. Our modern, fast-paced culture adds to the illusion by encouraging the buzz of busyness. We are skilled at creating all sorts of products and elixirs to help us keep on buzzing. But all along, the internal buzz that we label as energy isn’t real energy. Instead, it indicates a lack of real energy.

“The extra heat in the body gives us the impression that we have more energy,” says Brendan, “but we don’t have more energy—just more heat. When you use heat instead of real energy to propel you through the day, what you give up is a sense of internal well-being.” What’s the difference between that and a state where we are truly energized and full? When we have ample inner resources, we don’t rush to and fro. Instead, we are at peace and have inner stability because we feel full and secure. We take care of what needs to be done, but we aren’t consumed by the compulsive need to push beyond what our bodies can handle at the moment because we know that we cannot continue to give to others if we ourselves aren’t full.

Myth: My drive to stay busy and my ability to keep doing more means I am strong.

Magic: Stillness creates strength.

A classic image that is sometimes used as an analogy for this process is that of a fire [heat] burning beneath a bowl [our body] that is holding water [our yin coolant]. The fire heats the water and creates steam, which represents what the Chinese call ch’i, our vital energy or essential life force. The ch’i is the sustaining energy we need to live. When things are in balance, the fire creates a natural warming effect. But if the fire becomes too hot, the water begins to boil. If this goes on too long, the heat literally consumes the water and dissipates the energy we need to bank our inner fire. Once the water is boiled away, we can literally collapse because we are not able to produce any more energy, or ch’i.

“When this happens, the results can be dramatic,” says Brendan. “One month you feel that you have a lot of energy and the next month you fall off the cliff—you’re in bed and you can’t move.”

Are you running on full tank or are you running on the illusion of a full tank? Do you let your tank become empty before you fill it up again and therefore run the risk of stalling out? Do you let your light go out because you don’t have enough oil in your inner lamp? In short, where do you put yourself on the list of priorities in your life? Too often we relegate our needs to the bottom of the list, if we’re on the list at all. We take care of our duties and obligations to others first and use the energy that’s left over for ourselves. But, truthfully, how often is there any energy left over?

During the natural ebb and flow of our week, we all need relief

What if we reversed that order? What if we made sure our lamp had enough oil in it first before lighting the way for others? Wouldn’t that help us keep our lamp burning strong so we could give more light to others? To do that, we must learn to recognize our inner needs and then draw healthy boundaries so we have the time and energy to fill those needs. To renew ourselves so that we can continue to give, and give well, we must embrace the paradox that saying no will enable us to say yes.

If the idea of saying no makes you cringe, know that this principle comes straight out of spiritual tradition. The greatest teachers knew how to say no. Like all of us, they needed time alone to recharge and renew. Even an indefatigable missionary of mercy like Mother Teresa taught that renewal is a prerequisite for strength. She said that renewal is what gives us the energy to continue serving others. She observed that “the contemplatives and ascetics of all ages and religions have sought God in the silence and solitude of the desert, forest, and mountain” and said that we, too, are called to withdraw at certain intervals. It is when we are alone with God in silence, she said, that “we accumulate the inward power which we distribute in action.”

She was following the advice of her own teacher. Jesus did the same after he fed the multitudes the loaves and fishes. He told his disciples to go into the boat ahead of him, and “when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone.” With a somewhat lighter touch on the same topic, John Barrymore once joked that “God said it is not good for man to be alone, but sometimes it is a great relief!”

During the natural ebb and flow of our week, we all need relief. That’s when drawing boundaries [saying no politely, of course] is appropriate. When your energy is ebbing, it’s time to shift gears from an active orientation of giving energy to a receptive one of receiving. It’s time to plug back in to your energy source and do what most reenergizes you—whether it’s walking in nature, listening to a favorite piece of music, playing a game, or simply closing your eyes, doing nothing, and taking a long, deep breath.

Getting to know you

Instead of pushing yourself beyond your limits and pumping yourself up with more stimulants so that you can fulfil more commitments to others, honouring yourself calls for a different habit. It asks you to become conscious of what you need, right now, inside and out. In order for you to do what you must to regain balance, and to remember to do it tomorrow and the next day and the next, you first have to know yourself.

“I know myself”—it’s one of the most profound statements we can ever make. Self-knowledge, after all, is the ultimate goal extolled by mystics and masters the world around. Inscribed in the forecourt of Apollo’s temple at Delphi was the famous command “Know thyself.” The Book of Thomas the Contender says, “He who has not known himself has known nothing,” and the Zohar, from the Jewish mystical tradition of the Kabbalah, encourages, “Go to your self, know your self, fulfill your self.”

One of the reasons you may not take specific actions to fill your own needs is simply that you don’t really know yourself at the most basic level. You don’t know how you really feel and what you really need. While “knowing yourself” is a lifelong goal that has deeper and deeper layers of meaning, you can take tiny steps toward that goal every day. Here’s a simple question that can help you refocus on what you need to do to come back into balance: What do I need right now to be happy?

When I’ve asked myself that question, I often answer that to do my most creative work, I need quiet and I need regular doses of fresh air out in nature. Yet awareness alone is not enough. If I don’t care enough to honor myself, to put those needs on my priority list, I won’t remember to turn to those antidotes when I begin to feel cranky and anxious. When things start spinning out of control, unless I make a point of asking myself that question again and again, I forget to fill my lungs with fresh air. I forget to take control and create the quiet I need by turning off the phones, refusing to look at my e-mail, or physically moving myself to a quiet spot to work.

A friend who works out of her home reminded me of how empowering it can be to know yourself and then act on that knowing. One day I asked her when was the best time for us to meet. She immediately replied in a straightforward way, “It’s better for me to meet in the late afternoon. If I go out in the morning, I am tempted to start doing errands. I stop here and there on my way back to my office, and I just don’t get the work done that I need to do.” She knew that much about herself and therefore she could set up a schedule that was best for her. Like many of the methods for honoring yourself, this doesn’t sound difficult, but it takes practice. The change starts with watching yourself, getting to know yourself, and then translating that knowledge into action that honors your needs.

The post Living in balance: As within so without appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Contrary to what we may think, striking a work-life balance doesn’t make us less effective. In fact, it only makes us better workers than those who burn themselves out by focussing on work at the cost of family, health and harmony. Many senior executives complain that they have too many demands, too many interruptions and distractions. They struggle to prioritise and end up firefighting despite their best efforts. For them, work-life balance is an aspiration, albeit an elusive one. They often feel that if they eke out time for their family and personal needs, they will fall behind in their careers.

All of us are blessed with the same 168 hours in a week. However, while a few achieve breakthroughs in life, the majority merely trudge along, wondering why they can never find time to do the things they want to. It is not just that harmony benefits your life—lack of harmony hurts it, in real tangible ways. The ability to concentrate and use your time well is important if you want to succeed in business or in other areas of your life, and a well-balanced life is the best tool for that. When you are spiritually, mentally, physically, socially and economically balanced, then you’re successful in the real sense.

The key is to look after your business, your balance [work, health, social circle and family] and your beyond [spirituality, giving, purpose]; and not prioritise one over the other. Paying equal attention to all three aspects will strengthen you as a person.

The World Health Organization estimates that stress costs American businesses $300 billion a year. The 2012 Workplace Survey released by the American Psychological Association suggests that many Americans report chronic work-related stress. Around 41 per cent said they “feel tense or stressed out during the workday,” an uptick from the previous year’s 36 per cent. In its annual wellness report, Employee Assistance Program provider ComPsych found that 38 per cent of employees can’t stop thinking about emotional, health, financial or job concerns.

Work-life balance not only results in happiness and personal success, it can even lead to business innovation. Richard Branson, founder of Virgin Group, has noted that some of his best ideas come when he engages his children in conversations about his work.

Melinda Gates sums it up well: “The only thing I care about on the day I die is that people think I was a great mom, family member, and friend.”

Challenge yourself with the following “How to” exercises to

• MAKE balance a personal priority and be clear what balance means to you. As Dr. Stephen Covey puts it, “first things first”: making sure that business, balance and beyond all play their parts.
• SPEND time with loved ones; also set aside time to improve your health and do things that matter to you, like pursuing a hobby. If you don’t spend quality time with yourself and your loved ones, someone or something less important will take up your time.
• PREPARE a “not to do” list, not a “to do” list. This will remove non-essentials from your life. How do you make it? List everything that must be done in your life; delegate as much as you can; next, eliminate what is not necessary, then prioritise and execute what is left.
• PRACTISE the Hour of Power: 20 minutes of exercise, 20 minutes of reading and 20 minutes of meditation each morning.
• OBSERVE the Power of the Hour: schedule an appointment with yourself midday to regroup, reflect and reprioritise. This will make your afternoons more productive.
• RECORD how your time is spent. When you do this, you become more aware and alert, thereby improving your focus and allocation of time.
• REMEMBER that slow is fast—when you slow down and spend more time with your family, you notice a lot more about them, and have time to actually hear them out. Consequently, your relationships get better as your attention and care create impact. Or, as another example, if you start eating slowly, you can enjoy your food better and feel full faster.
• FOCUS on the 20 per cent of things that give you 80 per cent of value.
• WRITE the top three goals you want to accomplish the next day before you go to bed, and work on them exclusively [at least till 2pm the next day]. Then you can take care of smaller tasks.
• SPEND quality time with business partners, colleagues, customers, spouse, children and parents.
• DEFINE what a successful day and week means to you. Then set about achieving it.
• DEVELOP the attitude that you will manage time, and not that time will manage you!

The post The effortless way to work-life balance appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

One reason why these decision points become a tricky tightrope walk for so many of us is because we tend to feel guilty when we’re not giving to others or meeting their demands. We’ve been told that “it’s better to give than to receive”. But we forget that to keep on giving our best to others, we must also give to ourselves—and see ourselves as worthy of receiving.

Admittedly, when we ignore our own needs, it’s not a pretty picture. Not only do we become grouchy and unhappy but the people around us become miserable too. Instead of nagging, complaining, and blaming others when you feel off-kilter, try these 10 strategies for honoring yourself so you can free up your energy and focus on what’s really important.

10 Powerful Ways to Honor Yourself and Make Yourself a Priority

1. Be honest

You cannot honor yourself unless you are first honest with yourself. Quite often, we do not take the time to care for ourselves because we don’t even realize we are hurting ourselves.

The busyness of the day can drown out our inner voice. Check in with yourself regularly, even if it’s once a day, and ask yourself: What am I feeling now? What are those feelings trying to tell me? If they could talk, what would they say? If you have a hard time identifying your true feelings and needs, buy a journal, take some quiet time, and start writing down the answers to those questions. Writing can be an effective way to bring hidden feelings to the surface.

2. Plug back in

During the natural ebb and flow of our days, we all need relief. When your energy is dipping, it’s time to shift gears from an active to a receptive mode. If you don’t take time to satisfy your own needs, you’ll find that you actually sabotage yourself because you can’t concentrate on the task at hand. The trick is to recognize when you need to recharge before you become physically or emotionally wiped out. Then make time to plug back into your energy source and do what re-energizes you—whether you take a walk in nature, meditate, listen to a favorite piece of music, get a massage, go away for the weekend, play a game, or simply close your eyes, do nothing, and take a few long, deep breaths.

3. Draw healthy boundaries

Learning to draw boundaries is a skill. If you are not used to doing that, it can feel uncomfortable at first. Start by practising on small issues. Turn off your phone when you need to concentrate, rather than being at everyone’s beck and call, ask a family member to make dinner, or tell friends you’re not available when you want to spend an evening alone. As you learn to set boundaries in situations like these, you will find it easier to deal with larger issues that surface.

Related » To prevent burnout, set clear boundaries

4. Ask for support but make your own decisions

When you’re unclear about how to deal with a situation, don’t be shy about asking for support. Seeking help shows that you deeply care about yourself and for those who will be impacted by your choices and that you are willing to do what it takes to make the best decision. Reach out to someone who is not emotionally invested in the issue you are dealing with or who has expertise in that field. Once you get advice and a healthy dose of perspective from someone you respect, turn within and be sure to honor yourself by making your own final decision.

5. Write a love letter to yourself

Have a problem with self-esteem? Don’t worry; many of us do. We hold ourselves to impossible standards and then criticize ourselves when we don’t meet them. Yet the world’s sages, not to mention the top management gurus, tell us that life is a continual learning process. Try this tip to cheer yourself when the going gets rough: Write a loving and encouraging note to yourself as if you were your own coach or cheerleader. Then pop it in an envelope and mail it to yourself [that’s right—by snail mail]. When you’re traveling, send a postcard with an inspiring message to your home address. Right before shutting down your email for the night, send yourself a message of appreciation so that you’ll see it first thing in the morning when you check your inbox. Develop the habit of voting for yourself no matter what is happening around you. These little things you do are powerful ways to honor yourself.

Related » The most difficult love letter I ever wrote

6. Hang out with people who celebrate you

If you are in a relationship with someone who constantly judges and belittles you, you have a duty to remove yourself from that toxic energy by saying goodbye for good. Allowing yourself to be pressured or pummeled by those who don’t appreciate your inner gifts will only eat away at your energy and enthusiasm, stunt your creativity, and make you feel depressed or even sick. It’s not your job to fit into someone else’s mold of who they think you should be. Your job is to be you.

Related » Feeling stuck in life? Check the company you keep

7. Speak up

Most people aren’t mind readers. Clearly communicate your needs by letting others know what you need. When you disagree with a friend about what to do on a holiday, don’t be the one who always gives in and then wastes time stewing about it for days. Make sure both of your needs are met. If the food you order at a restaurant is cold or overcooked, flag down the waiter and respectfully point out the problem rather than complaining about it later. When someone at work spreads dangerous rumors or lies that jeopardize your job, don’t retreat and complain to friends behind closed doors or torture yourself with worry. Take action. Don’t blame or shame others by calling them names or criticizing them, but calmly focus on the words they said. There may be a real misunderstanding that you now have the opportunity to clear up. Address any misconceptions with facts to support your case. Even if others don’t accept the truth, you have stood up for yourself and can feel free to move on.

8. Create spaces in your relationships

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you need to give up being yourself. No two people have all the same interests, and it’s not healthy to expect that to be the case. In fact, you may get irritated with those you love simply because you need some regular time apart, some breathing space. Do you encourage yourself and your partner to pursue your own individual interests? Take some dedicated time for your own self-development, hobbies, or spiritual growth and allow your partner to do the same. This way you will honor yourself and your partner. What’s great about this that you’ll end up having more to offer each other as a result.

9. Put yourself at the top of your to-do list

Don’t wait until you’ve checked off all the items on your daily to-do list before giving yourself what you need—physically, emotionally and spiritually. Be sure to schedule dedicated time on your calendar for yourself so that you aren’t the item that gets constantly bumped off the list for yet another day. Recharging your batteries is not optional. It’s a bona fide part of your schedule. It’s exactly what you need to stay healthy and in balance so you can give your best to your loved ones and the world.

10. Share your life wisdom

Each one of us has a particular wisdom we have garnered through our life experiences. Be sure to draw from your well of wisdom to help others. Don’t know where to start? Think about a challenging experience that taught you something valuable, or an insight from a book, or a talk that sparked an “aha!” moment for you. At the right time, share that insight with someone you think would benefit from the lessons you’ve learned, whether it’s a colleague, a stranger you’ve struck up a conversation with, or a member of a community group you belong to. You honor yourself when you value the gifts and lessons you have been given and then offer that precious wisdom from your heart to uplift the hearts of others.

Start to Honor Yourself Today

Starting today, you can honor yourself by taking small but meaningful steps. Begin with one or two of these actions:

1. Pause and check in – Take a few minutes to sit quietly and ask yourself how you’re really feeling. Acknowledge your needs without judgment.
2. Set a boundary – Choose one area where you feel overextended and practice saying “no” or delegating a task to someone else.
3. Schedule self-care – Block out 15-30 minutes on your calendar today to do something that recharges you, like taking a walk, meditating, or reading a book.
4. Affirm yourself – Write a quick note of encouragement or appreciation to yourself. Remind yourself that you’re worthy of receiving care and attention too.

By taking these small steps, you’ll start building a habit of honoring yourself, making self-care a natural part of your life.

Summing up

Honoring yourself is not a luxury; it’s a necessity for living a balanced and fulfilling life. When you honor yourself, you make yourself a priority; you give yourself the space to grow, recharge, and thrive. By setting healthy boundaries, being honest about your needs, and surrounding yourself with supportive people, you’re not just nurturing your own well-being—you’re also equipping yourself to show up fully for others. Ultimately, when you begin to honor yourself, you also begin to live with more purpose, energy, and joy. Remember, self-care isn’t selfish—it’s the foundation for everything else.

The post 10 Powerful Ways to Honor Yourself appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

To be in the middle is not a static state, it is a dynamic phenomenon. Balance is not a noun, it is a verb; it is balancing. The tightrope-walker continuously moves from the left to the right, from the right to the left. When he feels now he has moved too much to the left and there is fear of falling, he immediately balances himself by moving to the opposite, to the right. Passing from the left to the right, yes, there is a moment when he is in the middle. And again when he has moved too much to the right, there is fear of falling, he starts moving towards the left.

This is what I mean when I say balance is not a noun but a verb—it is balancing, it is a dynamic process. You cannot be in the middle. You can go on moving from left to right and right to left; this is the only way to remain in the middle.

Remain choicless

Don’t avoid extremes, and don’t choose any one extreme. Remain available to both the polarities—that is the art, the secret of balancing. Yes, sometimes be utterly happy, and sometimes be utterly sad—both have their own beauties.

Our mind is a chooser; that’s why the problem arises. Remain choiceless. And whatsoever happens and wherever you are, right or left, in the middle or not in the middle, enjoy the moment in its totality. While happy, dance, sing, play music—be happy! And when sadness comes, which is bound to come, which is coming, which has to come, which is inevitable, you cannot avoid it… if you try to avoid it you will have to destroy the very possibility of happiness.

The day cannot be without the night, and the summer cannot be without the winter, and life cannot be without death. Let this polarity sink deep in your being—there is no way to avoid it. The only way is to become dead. Only the dead person can be in a static middle. The alive person will be constantly moving—from anger to compassion, from compassion to anger. And he accepts both! And he is not identified with either. He remains aloof and yet involved. He remains distant yet committed. He enjoys and yet he remains like a lotus flower in water—in water, and yet the water cannot touch it.

Your very effort to be in the middle, and to be in the middle forever and always, is creating an unnecessary anxiety for you. In fact, to desire to be in the middle for ever is another extreme, the worst kind of extreme, because it is the impossible kind. It cannot be fulfilled.

Be like the pendulum

Just think of an old clock: if you hold the pendulum exactly in the middle, the clock will stop. The clock continues only because the pendulum goes on moving from the left to the right, from the right to the left. Yes, each time it passes through the middle, and there is a moment of that middleness, but only a moment. And it is beautiful! When you pass from happiness to sadness, and from sadness to happiness, there is a moment of utter silence exactly in the middle—enjoy that too.

Life has to be lived in all its dimensions, only then is life rich. The leftist is poor, the rightist is poor, and the middlist is dead! The alive person is neither rightist nor leftist nor middlist—he is a constant movement, he is in flow.

We are afraid of sadness

Why do we want to be in the middle in the first place? We are afraid of the dark side of life; we don’t want to be sad, we don’t want to be in a state of agony. But that is possible only if you are also ready to drop the possibility of being in ecstasy. There are a few who have chosen it—that is the way of the monk. For centuries that has been the way of the monk. He is ready to sacrifice all possibilities of ecstasy just to avoid agony. He is ready to destroy all roses just to avoid the thorns. But then his life is just flat… a long long boredom, stale, stagnant. He does not really live. He is afraid to live! Life contains both: it brings great pain, it also brings great pleasure.

Pain and pleasure are two sides of the same coin. If you leave one, you have to leave the other too. This has been one of the most fundamental misunderstandings down the ages, that you can leave pain and save pleasure, that you can avoid hell and have heaven, that you can avoid the negative and can have only the positive. This is a great fallacy. It is not possible in the very nature of things. The positive and negative are together, inevitably together, indivisibly together. They are two aspects of the same energy.

A new insight

I am giving you a totally new insight: Be all! And when you are on the left, don’t miss anything—enjoy! Being on the left has its own beauty; you will not find it when you are on the right. It will be a different scene. And, yes, to be in the middle has its own silence, peace, and you will not find it on any extreme. So enjoy all! Go on enriching your life.

You can’t see any beauty in sadness? Meditate over it. Next time when you are sad, don’t fight with it, don’t waste time in fighting. Accept it, welcome it—let it be a welcome guest. And see deep into it, with love, care. Be a real host! And you will be surprised—you will be surprised beyond your comprehension—that sadness has a beauty that happiness can never have. Sadness has depth, and happiness is always shallow. Sadness has tears, and tears go deeper than any laughter can ever go. And sadness has a silence of its own, a melody, which happiness can never have. It will have its own song, more noisy, but not so silent.

I am not saying choose sadness: I am just saying enjoy it too. And when you are happy, enjoy happiness. Swim on the surface too, and sometimes dive deep into the river. It is the same river! On the surface the play of ripples and waves, and the sun rays and the wind—it has its own beauty. And diving deep into the water has its own quality, its own adventure, its own danger.

And don’t become attached to anything. There are people who have become attached to sadness too—psychology knows about them. They are called masochists: they go on creating situations in which they can remain miserable for ever. Misery is the only thing that they enjoy, they are afraid of happiness. In misery they are at home.

Don’t try living in balance

Live life in all possible ways; don’t choose one thing against the other, and don’t try to be in the middle. And don’t try to balance yourself—balance is not something that can be cultivated by you. Balance is something that comes out of the experience of all the dimensions of life. Balance is something that happens; it is not something that can be brought. If you bring it, it will be false, forced; and if you bring it you will remain tense, you will not be relaxed, because how can a man who is trying to remain balanced, in the middle, be relaxed? He will always be afraid: if he relaxes, he may start moving towards the left or towards the right—he is bound to remain uptight. And to be uptight is to miss the whole opportunity, the whole God-given gift.

Don’t be uptight. Don’t live life according to principles. Live life in its totality, drink life in its totality! Yes, sometimes it tastes bitter —so what? That taste of bitterness will make you capable of tasting its sweetness. You will be able to appreciate the sweetness only if you have tasted its bitterness. The man who knows not how to cry will not know how to laugh either. And the man who cannot have a deep laughter, a belly-laughter, his tears will be crocodile tears—they cannot be true, they cannot be authentic.

Be total

I don’t teach you the middle way: I teach you the total way. And then a balance comes of its own accord. And then that balance has tremendous beauty and grace—you have not forced it, it has come.

By moving gracefully to the left, to the right, in the middle, slowly slowly, a balance comes to you, because you remain so unidentified. When sadness comes you know it will pass, and when happiness comes you know it will pass too. Nothing remains. Everything passes by. The only thing that always abides is your witnessing. That witnessing brings balance. That witnessing is balance.

Courtesy: Osho International Foundation

The post Osho explains the real meaning of “living in balance” appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Similarly, providing constructive feedback to others strengthens your relationship with the people concerned as it helps them tap into their personal potential.

According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, when faced with a challenging goal, people’s motivation to improve their productivity increases up to 60 per cent when they receive feedback on their progress. Assigning goals without giving feedback doesn’t leave much of an effect on motivation with an increase in performance of just over 25 per cent.

Do you receive feedback well?

Most of us can’t handle feedback well. We get embarrassed even when someone gives us a positive feedback [compliment]. If the feedback is negative, we see it as criticism and get upset and defensive. Actually, much depends on the way feedback is delivered. I too have been guilty of not receiving feedback in the right sense. I have felt patronised when someone has delivered feedback. However, the key skill here is to see beyond the delivery technique and focus on the quality of the message. It’s free information.

The challenge in receiving feedback with an open mind and learning from it is that we have to disregard our natural instinct to defend ourselves or our actions. Remember, as former first lady of America Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Tips for receiving feedback the right way

Here are tips to help you accept feedback with grace.

1. Keep an open mind

It’s easy to think that people are trying to criticise us or put us down. When someone approaches you with feedback, don’t immediately put your guard up: be open to what the person has to say—you could learn something valuable.

2. Be a person in progress

We don’t know everything about ourselves and that’s where another’s viewpoint helps. They can teach us so much. If each of us works on the premise that ‘I am a person in progress and always will be’, then feedback is food for personal growth.

3. Listen carefully

When receiving feedback, really listen to the message that you are being given rather than listening to your own spin on it in your head. Sometimes we can distort important messages by not listening properly or openly to what is being said.

4. Check for understanding

If you are not clear about what someone is telling you, ask questions to clarify.

5. Set objectives

When someone gives you feedback that you feel is useful, set some clear objectives. This will help you fully capitalise on the information you receive. If you want, you can even discuss ideas and suggestions on improvement with the person who has given you the feedback.

6. Keep a record

I have found that keeping a little notebook with me to note down the feedback I receive, really helps me grow as person.

7. Seek out feedback opportunities

Some of the most successful people I have come across actively seek honest feedback when they have done something. The more feedback you experience, the better you will get at receiving it.

8. Thank the messenger

It takes effort and courage to give feedback. So, when someone has taken the time and energy to give you information that will potentially benefit you, it is good manners to thank them for it.

Giving constructive feedback

Giving feedback isn’t just a great way to help those around you perform better and achieve more, it is a way to help them to tap into their full potential and discover aspects about themselves that they weren’t even aware off. Still, some people find it challenging to give feedback and get uncomfortable giving it even when it is positive. Here are some common barriers to giving feedback:

Barriers to giving feedback

1. It is time consuming
2. Unsure about the right way of delivering feedback
3. Fear that the feedback maybe misconstrued
4. Inability to handle the person’s reaction to feedback
5. Fear of hurting other people’s feelings

I learnt several years ago that a good approach is to tell someone what they did and explain the effect it had on you. Then, if the feedback is negative, help them to explore alternative ways of doing the same thing, and if positive encourage the person to continue doing it. Also, feedback is well-received when it’s a balance of positive and negative. Sometimes at the workplace or in close relationships, we spend a lot of time focusing on what someone isn’t doing well and not enough time celebrating the things that people do well.

Further, to make sure your feedback is constructive, first ask yourself: will this feedback be useful and, can this person do anything about it? If the answer to both the questions is a yes, then go ahead and give the feedback.

Tips to giving feedback without offending

Here are some pointers that will help you give feedback without coming across as offensive.

1. Choose your timing

Being tactful and respectful when delivering feedback is crucial. True consideration of the other person’s feelings is essential if you want to get the best response and make it a positive experience for the person who is on the receiving end. Unfortunately, I have witnessed many examples of feedback being delivered at inappropriate times and having caused negative outcomes.

2. Be honest and assertive

An honest and assertive approach will create a win-win outcome. Giving feedback can be awkward and if it makes you feel as if you are walking on egg shells, it can end up sounding either passive or even aggressive. Honesty is the best policy as long as it is delivered with a positive intention.

3. Make it digestible

Although feedback is the food for progress, the person may not be able to digest it even if it’s good for her. Make sure you dilute an overly negative message with a combination of positive and constructive feedback.

4. Tune your tone

Not just your words, but the tone and pitch of your voice too have quite an effect on how your message is perceived. Maintaining a positive and upbeat tone, helps you be more assertive and confident. This makes the person receiving the feedback feel positive and confident too.

5. Maintain eye contact

Be totally present when you give feedback and help the person to feel connected to you by maintaining eye contact. However, don’t overdo it as this can come across as being aggressive.

6. Focus on the behaviour, not the person

This is important. Feedback should only be about something that a person can change. If it is about something that she cannot change, it is not constructive feedback and will just be perceived as hurtful criticism and will ruin your relationship.

7. Let it go

Once you have given your feedback, resist the need to repeat yourself. Allow the person to absorb the information and take action. If you have to ask someone to do something four times, I can promise you that the person in question has heard what you have to say and has most likely decided not to take on board the suggestions.

Sometimes people don’t immediately recognise how useful feedback can be. It may take a while for them to reassess and recognise the positive impact. Give them space.

Feedback is a wonderful tool that if used constructively, can open doors to amazing possibilities.

The post The correct way of giving and receiving feedback appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

How does belly dancing help keep us stay fit?

The stomach movement in belly dancing tones the abdominal muscles, improves blood circulation, and strengthens the lower back keeping a woman’s body fit. There is renewed energy, improved digestion and metabolism. Besides being fun, it helps release stress and relaxes the mind. To lose weight, you need to do a low to moderate intensity belly dance for atleast 20 minutes.

What are the physical and mental benefits of belly dancing?

Physical

Belly dance cures and prevents some of the most prominent ailments related to modern lifestyle. It helps to reduce the extra fat around lower back, belly and hips and keeps the legs toned. It strengthens the hip and knee which are the load bearing joints of the body, keeping them supple and strong.

Kyphosis, the forward curving of the shoulders can be prevented and cured through belly dance. This is common among desk workers as well as those who drive for long hours. Dance improves the misalignment of the shoulders and improves body posture. As we dance bare feet, we regain control of the arch of our feet. The basic position of belly dance places the body in complete alignment. The body weight is held right in the middle of the arch of our feet and our back is open, which cures and prevents compressed lower back disks [which often happen due to wearing heels].

It can be a good prenatal exercise as it tones and strengthens the pelvic, back and abdominal muscles and opens the hips minimising pain, complications and injuries during pregnancy.

Mental

Belly dancing makes you fall in love with your belly too. The lower belly is governed by the swadhisthana chakra and mooladhara chakra, the centre related to reproduction, digestion and sense of wellbeing. These relate to the emotional body, the willingness to feel emotions, and what it finds pleasurable. Therefore, once you connect with these, you feel complete harmony and a sense of contentment.

How is it a complete workout for women?

Belly dance is a complete workout as it provides cardio, stretch and strength to the entire body. It tones the body where they tend to gain more fat, and improves the oxygen level of the body. It embraces the woman’s body and its curves, gently, elegantly and gracefully. It can be practiced throughout life and without any strain to the body.

Why should every woman try belly dance at least once?

It brings the woman in touch with her feminity and can be performed by women of all ages, shapes and sizes. The workout is easy, fun and energetic. You look and feel good. Belly dance helps a woman to look within, feel and understand her inner self.

Would you call belly dancing a mind-body workout?

Yes. Our belly is the spiritual as well as physical centre of our body, from where we receive our life force, and this makes it a mind-body exercise. The breathing pattern in belly dancing is cyclical and continuous and thus helps the mind to remain focused and agile. So, move with grace, elegance, ease, flow and confidence.

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