Research reveals that brief, consistent practices trigger measurable changes in cortisol levels and nervous system activation. We’re not talking about complex meditation sequences or hours-long sessions at the spa. Think lighting a candle while you work, diffusing lavender oil during your morning coffee, or taking three mindful breaths before opening your laptop. These micro-moments of intention carry surprising power. Simple acts. Profound impact.

Why Rituals Matter

Rituals give structure to the day, offering mental cues that it is time to slow down. Whether it’s making tea, journaling, or enjoying a soothing scent, these repeated actions create a sense of familiarity and calm. Unlike habits that often feel automatic, rituals carry intention, turning ordinary moments into opportunities for wellbeing.

The Power of Scent in Relaxation

Scent has a unique ability to influence mood almost instantly. Incorporating an aroma oil into your daily routine can transform the atmosphere of a room and your state of mind. Lavender oil, for instance, is linked with calmness, while citrus oils uplift energy. Diffusing these fragrances while working, reading, or meditating allows the mind to associate specific scents with relaxation, reinforcing the ritual effect over time.

Creating Calming Moments with Candles

Lighting a calming scented candle is another simple yet powerful ritual. The gentle glow, combined with subtle fragrance, engages multiple senses at once, making the environment feel safe and comforting. Candles can serve as anchors for relaxation: one might be lit during evening yoga, while another marks the transition from a busy workday to a restful evening. These small cues signal to the body and mind that it’s time to slow down.

Related » Chandra Namaskar Guide: Traditional 17-Step Moon Salutation

Integrating Rituals into Daily Life

The key to effective stress management is consistency. Instead of reserving relaxation for weekends or rare spa days, daily rituals weave wellbeing into everyday life. Pairing a calming scent with a routine activity—such as lighting a candle while preparing dinner or using aroma oil during a morning stretch—creates moments of peace that become non-negotiable parts of the day. Over time, these rituals build resilience against stress.

A Path to Mindful Living

Daily rituals remind us that self-care does not require hours of free time or elaborate setups. It is about intentional pauses that nourish both body and mind. By integrating scents, candles, and other mindful practices into ordinary routines, stress management becomes less of an afterthought and more of a natural rhythm of life. Small but meaningful, these rituals can transform the way we navigate challenges, helping us face each day with greater balance and calm.

Also Read » How to Transform Oneself With Mindfulness

The post The Role of Daily Rituals in Reducing Stress appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

What Is Tough Mudder?

Tough Mudder is an extreme obstacle course race that tests your physical and mental strength, endurance, and teamwork. Typically set over a distance of 10-12 miles (16-20 kilometers), the course includes a variety of obstacles such as mud pits, wall climbs, rope courses, and water challenges. Unlike traditional races, this is not a race against the clock. Instead, the event focuses on participants working together to complete obstacles and achieve the goal as a team. If you’re planning to participate in 2025, consider signing up for this exciting challenge through Tough Mudder 2025, which offers an incredible opportunity to test your physical and mental limits while supporting a great cause.

History and Philosophy

Launched in 2010 by Will Dean and Guy Livingstone, the race was created to provide a challenging experience that goes beyond traditional obstacle races. It quickly became one of the most recognized names in the endurance race world. Over the years, the event has expanded globally, with thousands of participants taking part in events across multiple continents. The Tough Mudder philosophy of teamwork and camaraderie continues to be a key part of the experience.

Different Event Types

Tough Mudder offers a range of events designed to cater to different fitness levels and goals. Here are the most common ones:

• Tough Mudder Classic: The full experience, covering 10-12 miles and featuring 20+ obstacles. This is the flagship event and is perfect for participants looking for a serious challenge.
• Tough Mudder 5K: A shorter, less intense version of the classic race, perfect for beginners or those looking to test their fitness over a shorter distance with 13 obstacles.
• Tough Mudder X: A competitive event where athletes go head-to-head in a series of shorter, more intense challenges designed to test their speed, agility, and strength.
• Virtual Challenge: This option allows participants to compete remotely, completing challenges at their own pace and location, making it ideal for those unable to attend a physical event.

Obstacles and Challenges

What sets Tough Mudder apart from other obstacle courses is its emphasis on teamwork. Many obstacles are designed to be completed with the help of others. Some of the most popular obstacles include:

• Everest: A steep quarter-pipe climb that requires teamwork to scale.
• Electroshock Therapy: A thrilling (and painful) obstacle where participants have to run through dangling electrical wires.
• Arctic Enema: A plunge into icy cold water that leaves you gasping for air and bracing yourself for the cold shock.
• Mud Mile: A deep mud pit that participants must crawl through, leaving them completely covered in mud.

These obstacles are just a small sample of what you’ll face. The race is designed to challenge you physically and mentally.

Preparing for the Race

To prepare for Tough Mudder, you’ll need to focus on building both strength and endurance. Training should include running, strength exercises, and agility drills. It’s also important to practice teamwork, as many obstacles require cooperation with others.

It’s advisable to wear old, durable clothing that you don’t mind getting dirty, and be sure to bring a change of clothes for after the event. Additionally, make sure to stay hydrated and fuel up with proper nutrition.

Related » Why Quick Reflexes and Fast Reaction Times Matter + How to Improve

Conclusion

Tough Mudder is an exhilarating experience that provides both a physical challenge and an opportunity to bond with others. Whether you’re running the course with friends, colleagues, or strangers, the sense of accomplishment when you cross the finish line is unparalleled. If you’re looking to push your limits, build endurance, and test your mental and physical strength, Tough Mudder is the ultimate event to do so.

The post Everything You Need (And Want) To Know About Tough Mudder appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

How Seniors Are Redefining What It Means to Grow Older

Seniors are Embracing Lifelong Learning

Remember when people thought learning was just for the young? Seniors today are smashing that stereotype. Whether it’s picking up a new language, mastering digital skills, or taking up painting, older adults are proving that curiosity doesn’t expire. Online courses, community college programs, and even virtual reality learning experiences are making it easier than ever to keep expanding the mind. After all, you’re never too old to be a student of life.

They Are Prioritizing Health and Wellness (on Their Terms)

Forget the outdated idea that aging means accepting physical decline. Today’s seniors are hitting the yoga mat, lifting weights, and even running marathons. But it’s not just about exercise—mental wellbeing is a priority too. Meditation, mindfulness, and therapy are becoming mainstream tools for maintaining emotional health. And the best part is that this generation of seniors isn’t doing it because they “have to” but because they genuinely want to feel good and stay active for as long as possible.

Seniors Are Redefining Work and Retirement

Retirement no longer means saying goodbye to work entirely. Many seniors are opting for second (or even third) careers, launching businesses, or diving into passion projects. Some are working part-time for fun, while others are embracing entrepreneurship, proving that innovation isn’t just for the young. From consulting to freelancing to running Etsy shops, seniors are showing that financial independence and career fulfillment don’t have an expiration date.

They Are Staying Social and Finding New Communities

Loneliness? Not on their watch. Today’s seniors are tapping into the power of social media, meet-up groups, and senior travel clubs to stay connected. Whether it’s through book clubs, dance classes, or volunteering, they’re actively building relationships and keeping their social circles vibrant. Some are even moving into co-housing communities where like-minded individuals support each other while enjoying independent living.

Related » The Value of Good Friends Grows As You Grow Old

They Are Embracing Technology Like Pros

The myth that seniors can’t keep up with technology? Consider it busted. More older adults than ever are using smartphones, tablets, and social media to stay in touch with family, manage their finances, and even date online. Yes, dating! Apps like SilverSingles and OurTime are proving that love (or at least a fun night out) can happen at any age.

Seniors Traveling Like Never Before

Retirement is no longer synonymous with staying put. Seniors today are exploring the world, whether it’s through cross-country RV trips, solo travel, or bucket-list adventures. Many are taking advantage of travel rewards programs, senior discounts, and flexible schedules to see places they never had time for before. The result is that a generation of older adults collecting experiences rather than just souvenirs.

They Advocating for Change

This isn’t a generation that’s just sitting back—they’re making an impact. From fighting for social justice to advocating for better healthcare, seniors are using their voices to push for meaningful change. They’re volunteering, mentoring, and ensuring that their wisdom and experience contribute to a better future. Whether it’s through grassroots activism or simply mentoring the next generation, they’re proving that age is an asset, not a limitation.

The New Definition of Aging

Seniors today are proving that age is just a number and that every decade brings new opportunities to learn, explore, and enjoy life. They’re showing the world that getting older isn’t about fading into the background; it’s about stepping into a new and exciting chapter with confidence, energy, and a sense of adventure.

With the right senior living advice, today’s older adults are making choices that prioritize happiness, health, and independence—showing that the best years might just be the ones ahead.

The post How Seniors Are Redefining What It Means to Grow Older appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

These moments rely on two important functions of your nervous system: reflexes and reaction times. Reflexes are automatic, instant responses to stimuli, like when you touch something hot and pull your hand away without thinking. On the other hand, reaction times involve voluntary, conscious decisions that require your brain to process information before you act—like stopping at a red light.

Both reflexes and reaction times are critical to your safety, success in sports, and even your daily efficiency. While they differ in how they work, they’re connected, and with the right training, both can be improved to help you respond faster in various situations.

Reflexes vs. Reaction Times: Understanding the Difference

Reflexes are quick, involuntary actions your body takes in response to stimuli. They don’t require conscious thought because the signals are processed in your spinal cord, bypassing the brain. For example, when a doctor taps your knee and your leg jerks, that’s a reflex at work.

Reaction times, however, are voluntary responses to stimuli that involve the brain. When you see or hear something, your brain processes the information, and then decides how to act. For instance, when you notice a ball flying toward you and you choose to catch it, that’s your reaction time kicking in. While reflexes are instant, reaction times involve mental processing and can vary based on your attention and the complexity of the situation.

How Reflexes and Reaction Times Are Related

Though different, reflexes and reaction times are closely linked. Both help us respond to the world around us, and training your body to react faster can make your responses almost as quick as reflexes. Athletes who practice repeatedly train their brains to reduce the mental delay in reaction times, making their responses appear nearly reflexive. Additionally, faster reaction times can enhance overall coordination and reflexive actions, leading to quicker responses in both automatic and voluntary movements.

Benefits of Quick Reflexes and Fast Reaction Times

Having quick reflexes and fast reaction times helps improve your life in various ways, both personal and professional.

1. Enhanced Sports Performance

   In almost every sport, quick reflexes and reaction times are essential. Whether it’s dodging an opponent, making a quick pass, or adjusting your movements on the fly, fast reactions give you a competitive edge. In sports like soccer, basketball, boxing, and cricket, faster reflexes allow you to make split-second decisions that can determine the outcome of the game.

2. Increased Safety and Self-Defense

   Quick reflexes and fast reaction times can protect you in dangerous situations. In self-defense scenarios, reacting quickly can help you block an attack or avoid harm. Even in everyday life, fast reflexes can help you avoid accidents, such as catching yourself when you slip or reacting swiftly to a car swerving into your lane.

3. Prevention of Injuries

   Reflexes also play a role in injury prevention. Fast reaction times allow you to quickly catch falling objects, avoid tripping, or prevent accidents in risky environments. This is especially useful in jobs that involve physical labor or working in high-risk areas.

4. Improved Performance in Daily Tasks

   Quick reflexes can help with everyday activities like cooking, driving, or even caring for children or pets. If a glass is about to tip over, quick reflexes might save it from smashing to the ground. In caregiving, reflexes can help you react instantly to protect a child or pet from danger.

5. Enhanced Work Performance

   In many professional environments—like healthcare, law enforcement, or any job requiring quick decisions—having faster reflexes and reaction times improves efficiency and reduces errors. Surgeons, for instance, rely on quick reflexes to make life-saving adjustments, while workers in manufacturing benefit from quick reactions to prevent accidents.

6. Improved Driving Skills

   Quick reflexes are vital for safe driving. The ability to brake quickly or swerve to avoid a collision can prevent accidents and save lives. Reaction times can also be crucial when navigating unpredictable road conditions.

Factors That Affect Reaction Times and Reflexes

While we all aim to have quick reflexes, several factors can slow them down:

1. Age

   As we get older, our reflexes and reaction times naturally slow down. This is due to a decline in nerve function and slower cognitive processing.

2. Fatigue

   When you’re tired, your brain and body take longer to process information and respond. Sleep deprivation slows down reaction times and can make your reflexes sluggish.

3. Stress and Anxiety

   While mild stress can heighten awareness, chronic stress or anxiety can overload the nervous system, delaying your responses.

4. Distractions

   Trying to multitask or being distracted makes it harder for your brain to focus, which lengthens your reaction times. (Read » 4 Productivity Hacks That Actually Work)

5. Physical Fitness

   Poor physical health or lack of exercise can slow down both reflexes and reaction times, as your muscles and nervous system are not as conditioned to respond quickly.

6. Alcohol and Drugs

   Substances like alcohol, drugs, or certain medications slow down your cognitive and physical responses, significantly reducing reaction times.

10 Ways to Improve Reflexes and Reaction Times

The good news is, with the right training and lifestyle adjustments, you can speed up both your reflexes and reaction times. Here are some proven techniques:

1. Reaction Ball Training

   Using a reaction ball that bounces unpredictably helps train your hand-eye coordination and forces your brain and body to respond quickly.

2. Agility Drills

   Ladder drills, sprints, and start-stop drills (like running based on random signals) are excellent for improving both footwork and overall reaction speed.

3. Plyometrics

   Jumping exercises like squat jumps and lunges help develop the fast-twitch muscle fibers needed for explosive movements and quick reflexes.

4. Video Games

   Surprisingly, action-based video games can train your brain to process information quickly and respond faster. Games like first-person shooters or racing games can sharpen reaction times.

5. Speed Bag Training

   In boxing, using a speed bag helps you develop faster upper-body reflexes by forcing you to react rapidly to a small, fast-moving target.

6. Yoga and Meditation

   It might seem counterintuitive but slow practices like yoga, meditation and mindfulness can help you stay calm and focused under pressure, improving your overall awareness and mental agility—both important for faster reaction times.

7. Off-road Running

   Running on uneven terrain forces you to constantly adjust to obstacles, improving your ability to react quickly and maintain balance.

8. Juggling

   Juggling helps train hand-eye coordination and sharpens your ability to track and react to multiple moving objects at once.

9. Table Tennis (Ping Pong)

   Playing table tennis is a great way to improve hand-eye coordination and reaction speed. The fast pace of the game requires rapid reflexes and constant adjustment to the ball’s direction, making it an ideal activity for honing quick responses.

10. Mind Puzzles or Brain Games

    Engaging in mental challenges like memory games, brain teasers, or quick-response puzzles (like Sudoku, word games, or logic puzzles) can sharpen your brain’s ability to process information quickly. Mental agility and fast decision-making directly contribute to quicker physical reflexes.

Conclusion

Fast reflexes and quick reaction times are more than just athletic assets—they’re life skills that can enhance your safety, work performance, and everyday efficiency. While factors like age and fatigue can slow you down, consistent training, mental focus, and physical fitness can help sharpen both your reflexes and reaction times. Whether you’re catching a ball, avoiding an accident, or responding to an emergency, these skills can make all the difference. So, take the time to invest in exercises and habits that keep your body and brain sharp—you’ll thank yourself later!

The post Why Quick Reflexes and Fast Reaction Times Matter + How to Improve appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

The mind-body connection and psychosomatic pathways play a significant role in treating diseases, but their importance should be considered within the broader context of comprehensive medical care. Psycho-neuro-endocrine-immunology (P.N.E.I) is an emerging branch of science that explores how emotions regulate neural and endocrine pathways.

Extensive research is being conducted to understand the interaction between the nervous system and the hormonal and immune systems. The outdated notion that the brain controls everything is being replaced by a more nuanced view.

P.N.E.I gained prominence through the pioneering work of Dr. Candace Pert. In her book Molecules of Emotions, she explains how emotions trigger neurotransmitter release, which can ultimately alter the body’s physiology, both positively and negatively.

Today, evidence shows that stress and anxiety significantly contribute to a range of health issues, including cardiovascular diseases, mental health disorders, gastrointestinal problems, immune disorders, endocrine disorders, respiratory issues, and musculoskeletal conditions. While discussing the psychosomatic components of each disease in detail is beyond this scope, the evidence is clear.

Real vs Imagined Stress

A considerable number of physical symptoms observed today are linked to stress. Overthinking, worry, performance pressure, and financial concerns can all overwhelm us. Robert Sapolsky, in Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers, discusses how our stress response remains primitive, with our brains unable to distinguish between real stress (like encountering a lion) and imagined stress (such as worrying about future threats).

Most stress we experience today is imagined. We anticipate future scenarios and catastrophize experiences, preventing our nervous systems from calming down. In the wild, once the immediate threat is gone, animals can return to rest. In contrast, our thoughts are relentless, compounding our stress.

Addressing stress at the thought level with tools that work at the bodily level can be challenging. This led me to incorporate mind relaxation techniques into patient care. Collaborating with a yoga teacher, we discovered Yoga Nidra.

Yoga Nidra to Combat Stress

Yoga Nidra is a form of guided meditation that induces a deep state of rest and awareness through body scanning, breath awareness, and visualizations. Recently, this practice has also come to be known as “non-sleep deep rest” (NSDR). Many patients benefited from Yoga Nidra, reducing their reliance on sleep medications and anxiety pills and alleviating digestive issues.

Yoga Nidra has been shown to reduce stress and offer various therapeutic benefits by inducing deep relaxation and lowering stress hormones like cortisol. Research indicates Yoga Nidra’s effects include improvements in hematological variables, red blood cell counts, blood glucose levels, and hormonal status. Neuroimaging studies reveal changes in endogenous dopamine release and cerebral blood flow associated with Yoga Nidra, confirming its measurable effects on the central nervous system. Additionally, Yoga Nidra has been found to increase alpha waves in the brain, improving migraine symptoms.

Numerous studies demonstrate Yoga Nidra’s effectiveness in reducing stress, anxiety, and depression, and improving overall wellbeing. It also aids in managing chronic insomnia, PTSD symptoms, intrusive thoughts, pain perception, and decreased self-esteem. Both subjective symptoms and objective measures such as blood pressure, heart rate variability, salivary cortisol levels, blood glucose levels, menstrual abnormalities, and pain intensity have shown significant improvement with regular practice.

The Role of General Physicians in Mental Health

In mental health, general physicians can play a crucial role. Many patients report, “The specialist said that my problem (insert any) is mostly caused or worsened by stress, but I don’t know what to do about it.” Identifying stress as a cause is easy; managing it effectively is the challenge.

A general physician (GP) can offer a sympathetic ear and personalized care. Spending 15 minutes with a patient can significantly impact their mental state. GPs, who often see patients over many years, understand their medical histories, lifestyles, and personal circumstances, allowing for effective counseling. Patients may be more receptive to advice from a long-known GP than from a new counselor.

A Case Example

For example, Reema contacted me a year ago with complaints of severe heel pain, hair loss, and chronic fatigue. As a new mother juggling a full-time job, she was sleep-deprived and stressed. Diagnosed with plantar fasciitis, I found her stress and nutrient deficiencies were significant factors. After addressing these issues and discussing her unhappy marriage, Reema sought counseling and, within three months, was free from pain and managing her life better.

This case underscores the importance of a good primary care physician. GPs, as primary contact points, can identify psychosomatic issues, stress, or depression early and provide appropriate interventions or referrals. Educating patients about the psychosomatic components of their conditions is crucial, as many patients fail to realize stress’s impact on their symptoms.

Try Mindfulness

Incorporating mindfulness meditation and Yoga Nidra into daily practice for stress management can be highly effective. Even engaging in joyful activities such as dancing, singing, painting, listening to music, or spending time with loved ones can help reduce stress.

These activities, done mindfully, divert the mind from negative thoughts and improve mood, offering temporary relief that can reset the nervous system. While travel provides excellent stress relief occasionally, daily practices can maintain regular resets.

Summing Up

In conclusion, effective stress management is vital for maintaining overall health. Psycho-neuro-endocrine-immunology (P.N.E.I) reveals the intricate relationship between emotions and bodily systems, challenging the old view of the brain as the sole control center. Techniques like Yoga Nidra, which promotes deep relaxation, have been shown to reduce stress and improve health outcomes across various conditions. General physicians are crucial in identifying psychosomatic issues, providing personalized care, and educating patients about the impact of stress. Incorporating stress-reducing practices and engaging in enjoyable activities can help manage stress and enhance wellbeing, offering a holistic approach to health.

This article has been adapted with permission from Return of the Family Physician by Dr Shruti Sridhar; Published by Halant Books. Buy this book » here.

References

• Gopisetty, V., et al. (2021). Neuroimaging studies of Yoga Nidra. Journal of Behavioral Health, 12(2), 45-59.
• Hause, K. (2020). Non-Sleep Deep Rest (NSDR) and its Applications. Journal of Integrative Medicine, 8(3), 155-162.
• Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 45(6), 721-728.
• McEwen, B. S. (2007). Stress and the Aging Brain. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 30, 509-535.
• Nair, S., et al. (2016). Yoga Nidra for Stress and Anxiety Management. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 72(4), 671-680.
• Pert, C. B. (1997). Molecules of Emotion: The Science Behind Mind-Body Medicine. Scribner.
• Sapolsky, R. M. (2004). Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers: A Guide to Stress, Stress-Related Diseases, and Coping. Henry Holt and Company.
• Telles, S., et al. (2012). Yoga Nidra and Migraine. International Journal of Yoga, 5(1), 37-42.

The post How Effective Stress Management Enhances Health appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

In this article I will delve into the reasons why we suppress our emotions, the adverse effects of such suppression on our health, and why we need to find ways for expressing or releasing our emotions from time to time.

Why Do We Suppress Our Emotions?

The propensity to suppress emotions arises due to diverse reasons, ranging from societal norms that dictate the acceptability of certain expressions to personal fears and limitations. For example, we may suppress our anger towards our boss because of fear of losing our jobs. Or, we may suppress our feelings of love for someone because of fear of rejection.

Whatever the reason, when we suppress an emotion, the energy of that emotion does not go away. Instead, it remains as pent-up energy inside the deeper recesses of our mind.

Suppression Causes Illness

Emotional suppression causes physical harm, dysfunction and illness. Emotion is sometimes referred to as Energy-in-Motion. Inhibiting the free flow of emotional energies causes serious damage to our physical, mental, and spiritual aspects.

Think of a balloon with limited capacity. If you go on inflating it without release, it will lead to a gradual build-up, ultimately culminating in an outburst. Likewise, stifling of emotions leads to its gradual build-up until it can’t hold anymore. This can result in an outburst that can be physically and mentally harmful.

Unexpressed, stuffed emotions, besides causing psychological problems, also contribute to the emergence of several physical health problems. Medical science has established that our thoughts and emotions “talk” to our cells. Ever since the 1970s, scientists have been building a case for this. The outcome is a fascinating area of study called psychoneuroimmunology, or PNI. PNI says the mind and emotions [psyche] communicate with the nervous [neuro] and immune [immunology] systems, both to their detriment, or advantage, depending on whether it is consciously or unconsciously directed, and depending on the content of that communication.

It is, therefore, imperative that we understand just how badly emotional suppression injures us. Suppression is not limited to just the negative or “bad” emotions. Regardless of the nature of emotions, when they get stuck, they become physiological problems for the body. In fact, all emotions are healthy because they are what tie the mind and body together, explains Candace Pert, PhD, in Molecules of Emotion. What’s important is to avoid a build-up, to let go of them, so they don’t fester, build, or escalate uncontrollably.

Release Your Emotions

Psychotherapists place a lot of importance on emotional catharsis, which implies purging, or throwing out, unwanted and immobilising emotions. For example, crying is a very potent cathartic act. It allows you to release the pent-up feeling of extreme sadness. Other ways of catharsis could be writing your feelings down, talking with your friends, or indulging in a creative exploit such as painting, singing, or playing a musical instrument.

The emphasis is on preventing emotional stagnation and fostering a dynamic balance between expression and containment.

6 Effective Strategies for Emotional Release

Develop Emotional Tolerance

While expressing emotions is healthy, it would be wise not to go overboard and indulging your every feeling and emotion without any regard to consequences. You need to learn to temper your emotions with an attitude of tolerance.

Tolerance involves understanding that emotional build-up can be mitigated by suspending judgment about oneself and others. By accepting that not everything will always align with personal expectations, individuals can develop resilience in the face of life’s uncertainties. Tolerance, as a virtue, offers a pathway to emotional fulfillment, encouraging adaptability to unforeseen circumstances.

A version of this article first appeared in the March 2007 issue of Complete Wellbeing magazine (print edition)

The post Why You Should Never Suppress Your Emotions + 6 Effective Strategies for Emotional Release appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

A Story to Illustrate the Power of Letting Go

There’s a little story that beautifully illustrates the simple power of letting go. A professor holds up a glass of water and asks his class how much it weighs. Various answers are thrown up and the professor admits that they won’t know for sure unless they weigh it. He then asks them what would happen if he held the glass up like that for an hour. Of course his hands would pain, say his students. The professor then asks them what would happen if he held up the glass like that for an entire day. His students laugh and say that he would definitely get some severe muscle problems—maybe even paralysis. But did the weight of the glass change at all, however much time you hold it up, queries the professor. So what causes this muscle ache and stress? Why not put it down, chorus the students. “Exactly!” says the professor.

Life’s problems are something like this. Hold it for a few minutes in your head and they seem fine. Think of them for a long time and they begin to ache. Hold it even longer and they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything. It’s important to think of the problems in your life, but even more important to “put them down” at the end of every day before you go to sleep. That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh and strong and can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way.

Letting go is our way of embracing life, of living in each moment, engagingly and refreshingly.

Why Letting Go Is the Key to Health and Happiness

The simple act of letting go has profound benefits—physical, mental and spiritual.

Holding on, on the other hand, makes us more vulnerable to health problems. For instance anger and hostility are prime suspects in heart diseases. Gastric problems, including acidity and irritable bowel syndrome [IBS] owe their onset to pent-up emotions. This phenomenon is known as somatization, the tendency to translate repressed emotions into actual physical symptoms.

Emotion, kept in cold storage, and reheated and rehashed, is a sure recipe for looking and feeling old. We become susceptible to allergies, racked by chronic ailments, and the more we remain locked in old patterns, the more we close ourselves to new experiences. Just imagine how much energy we expend each day just holding on to all these things, and the frustration, disappointment, anger, and sadness that we accumulate as a result.

Psychologically, letting go is invaluable in building ourselves up from within. We learn from experiences instead of being carried away by their emotional content. We learn to accept and remain neutral, not allowing anger to fuel an already volatile situation, make choices with clarity and without fear.

Related » The Dangers of Emotional Suppression

How to Practice Letting Go in Daily Life

So, how can we let go? How can we release that which keeps us blocked? How can we let clogged up patterns and emotions flow on, away from us? Here are three suggestions to help you “loosen up” and embrace what life has to offer.

1. Practice forgiveness

Forgiveness is extremely liberating. It frees us; and though we may not excuse the act, we can forgive the person who committed it. Thus, we allow negativity and resentment to loosen its tenacious grip on our psyche, and open ourselves to leading a happier life in the present. It is a decision to let go of resentments, while not condoning the act. Forgiveness is the act of untying yourself from thoughts and feelings that bind you to the offense committed against you. Medically, it has proven effects—lower blood pressure, stress reduction, lower heart rate, better anger management skills and enhanced interpersonal relations.

2. De-clutter your mind

Just as you clean your closets and sanitize your homes, how about taking time out—perhaps once a month— to sit down and evaluate exactly what you have kept in your mind? What is it that you have “hoarded” that is bogging you down, hampering your productivity, decreasing your efficiency and pulling you down? Then, simply let it go. Let go for a few minutes each day to start with and then for a longer duration, till it becomes second nature to not think about it. It will be difficult at first, but with meditation and practice, you will master the skill. You will feel so rejuvenated; you will be tempted not to look back.

3. Try creative visualization to let go

This is a process through which you harness the power of your mind to meet your objectives. Picture yourself releasing, letting go of all that is holding you back from peace, contentment, health and happiness. It could be an old resentment, a co-worker’s bad attitude and your hostile feelings associated with him/her, or a lost love. Next, picture yourself exactly as you want to be. Make sure you see this very clearly.

Once you’ve got the picture in your head, think of it often. Not only when you are relaxing or meditating, but also through the day. This is the process of sending that positive energy out into the universe. The more positive energy you send out, the more you will get back.

Lastly, believe that the person you visualize is really you, free from painful attachments and negative memories, already having “let go”. Any disbelief is negative energy, and will counteract what you’re trying to achieve. And once you see it come true, acknowledge that you made it happen. Give yourself a pat on the back. To reward is to reinforce the feeling, energizing it to make it your.

4. Use a Prop

Another powerful technique through which you can release the need to respond to whatever it is that is stirring up your emotions is to visualize and practice this by holding a small, unbreakable item [like a coin or eraser] in your open hand. Imagine that this item is a physical manifestation of what is bothering you; this problem is literally in the palm of your hand. Now, close your fist around the object as tight as you can. Notice the energy that it takes to hold it in such a manner. You may even be squeezing it so hard that it hurts, and you can feel your muscles fatiguing. Keep squeezing, but turn your hand over so your knuckles are up and your palm is facing down. Now – here’s the secret – take a deep breath and just open your hand, letting whatever it is you were clutching simply fall on the floor. This, in essence, is letting go.

You don’t have to have a physical object to practice letting go, but it can be very useful in the beginning to help you develop this response to life’s stressors. You may even consider carrying a small stone, or other items, in your pocket that you can use throughout the day as necessary while you hone this skill.

Regardless of whether or not you use a prop, the idea is that rather than trying to get a better grip on the situation and trying to control it so fiercely that it’s fatiguing, you let it go instead. It certainly seems counter-intuitive, but that only reflects our fear-based desire to exert control over situations that seem to be threatening.

Letting go offers an opportunity to relax into an uncomfortable situation instead of pushing against it. This approach helps calm the mind and nerves, slows down your breathing and racing heartbeat, and makes space for thinking that is less emotionally charged and more likely to be productive.

Conclusion

Letting go of tension and energy that have you emotionally bound up does not mean that the problem at hand will probably simply disappear. But that’s okay because letting go isn’t about evading problems. Rather, it is about giving you an opportunity to release yourself from your own spiraling negative emotions.

Letting go can be very useful for helping you to come back to your center in everyday situations. As with most things, practicing it often will result in greater flexibility and facility. When used frequently, it can literally transform your life.

This is an updated version of the article that first appeared in the September 2008 issue of Complete Wellbeing magazine.

The post How to Practice Letting Go in Daily Life appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Once upon a time the animals decided they must do something heroic to meet the problems of a ‘new world’, so they organised a school. They adopted a training curriculum consisting of running, climbing, swimming and flying. All the animals were required to excel in all the subjects.

The duck was excellent in swimming. But he got only passing grades in flying and was very poor in running. Since he was slow in running, he had to stay after school and also drop swimming in order to practise. This was kept up until his webbed feet were badly worn and he became only average in swimming. But average was acceptable in the school, so nobody worried about that… except the duck.

The rabbit started at the top of the class in running but had a nervous breakdown because he had so much remedial work in swimming.

The squirrel was excellent in climbing but failed flying, so he was held back and forced to repeat the year and made to focus exclusively on flying.

The eagle was a problem child. In the climbing class, he beat all the others to the top of the tree but insisted on using his own way to get there. So he was disciplined severely.

At the end of the year, an abnormal eel that could swim exceeding well and also run, climb and fly a little had the highest average and was valedictorian.

The prairie dogs stayed out of the school completely because the administration would not add digging and burrowing to the curriculum.

The story above is an adaptation from George Reavis’ The Animal School, written in 1940. It is one of my favourite little pieces of writing when it comes to the topic of an individual’s natural talents and abilities, because it highlights—in a sarcastically comical way—a significant problem faced by far too many individuals today. That problem is that we try to ignore our own genius and seek to change what we truly are… to fit someone else’s mould.

Why finding our genius is difficult?

The moral of the above story is that each of us, like the animals, has our own unique genius. Unfortunately there is no shortage of people in our lives telling us how to change ourselves, to improve ourselves, to be something different. Ours is a world of archaic belief systems dedicated to having us all conform to pre-prescribed expectations—of what others think we should fix in order to improve ourselves. The problem with thinking that you need to fix yourself is that it requires the presupposition that you are broken and that’s a horrible place to work from.

Now don’t get me wrong. Self-improvement is a fine thing, and yearning to constantly become a better person is an honourable endeavour. It’s how we go about improving ourselves that I have an issue with.

Like the fish trying to learn to fly, many of us spend our lives attempting to be something we are not. Normally, because someone else thinks we should. Teachers, parents, friends, employers, as well intended as they may be, cajole and harangue us to be more organised, less pedantic, more emotional, less emotional, more outgoing, more reserved and so on.
It’s not a problem with wanting to improve ourselves—it becomes a problem when we want to change that which we are at our core.

Authentic improvement

Improving ourselves would imply that we want to stay true to our own natural genius [i.e., the natural talents and gifts we possess], just get better at applying those talents. Improving ourselves is analogous to the duck wanting to be a better duck. This is a wonderful thing to do, and research shows us that this is what the best performers to do.

Changing ourselves, on the other hand, is about being inauthentic and trying to become more like someone else [i.e., the duck wishing it were a squirrel]. This isn’t a wonderful thing to do and something that the same research shows is more commonly the route chosen by those who do not perform nearly as well, and report much lower levels of satisfaction.

What if you could see your genius?

One of the main reasons we take our genius for granted and seek instead to become something else is because our genius is mostly invisible. If only our unique individual talents were as visually obvious as the physical traits of the animals in the above fable. If they were, perhaps others and even ourselves, might understand that we already have significant traits and abilities that don’t need to be modified.

Each of us has a unique brain, which houses an even more unique mind. Yes, we’re all human and the same basic anatomical and biological guidelines apply equally to all of us. But that’s where the similarities end. The configuration of the 100 billion brains cells that constitute our neural networks, our memories, experiences, emotions and a host of other aspects—make each and everyone of us amazingly unique.

Learning and natural talent

Part of this uniqueness is the natural talents and abilities that we each possess, based on our neural networks. For some, the ability to solve complex problems is like second nature. For others, such problem solving is incredibly difficult. Someone else may have a natural ability to be creative, or think conceptually, or be extroverted, introverted, detail-oriented, decisive, empathetic… and a host of other attributes that just come naturally.

This isn’t to say that we can’t learn more about any specific talent, but learning and knowledge constitute only a fraction of the recipe that makes for superior ability. Anyone can learn advanced techniques for problem solving but if that knowledge isn’t added to a natural ability to think conceptually, performance will always be somewhat limited. Yes, I can learn how to speak publicly and be more outgoing, but if my genius is not for being the most extroverted person in the world, no amount of learning is going to change that. If I attempt to force myself, the research shows that I will most likely perform adequately in this effort at best, and feel very stressed and dissatisfied in the end anyway.

Qualities that geniuses have

My company conducted a seven-year scientific research study of 197,000 people across 23 countries, examining their natural cognitive traits and abilities and comparing those to their level of performance and overall satisfaction in life. What we found surprised even me.

The most successful and satisfied people [in any industry, at any level] were those who had achieved two distinct things:

1. Self-awareness

The most successful and satisfied people had the highest level of self-awareness for what their natural gifts and abilities were. They knew very well that they were, for example, naturally outgoing gregarious folks who were comfortable leading a group discussion, or naturally good complex problem solvers who saw issues with clarity that many could not. Conversely, the data revealed a significant negative correlation between this self-awareness and the bottom performers [who were also the least satisfied]. Those who were less successful and felt worse about where they were in life had much lower levels of self-awareness and struggled to clearly define what they were and were not naturally good at doing.

2. Authenticity

Knowing your natural genius is only half of the equation. Authenticity simply means, ‘being true to who you are’ and letting that self-knowledge guide what you do and how you do it. For example, let’s say that based on the way your mind works you’re not good at paying a lot of attention to a ton of detail, but you insist on trying to develop a superior level of talent in this area. That would be inauthentic, and as much as the conventional wisdom on self-improvement in society would argue that you should focus more of your time getting better there, that’s not what the most satisfied people do.

The lesson we took from this research was that we all have natural talents and abilities, based on how our minds are wired and how we think [i.e., our genius]. Those who become very familiar with their genius, and then stay true to it, outperform those who don’t and are much more satisfied in life and feel much better about themselves.

Why don’t we all recognise our genius?

Like I said before, for the most part, it’s because it is invisible. Unlike our physical attributes, our mental talents are hard to see and quantify. Being somewhat invisible, we tend to ignore them, since they are out of sight they are out of mind.

Our culture plays a significant role in understanding why so many people fail to appreciate their own unique genius as well. For most of modern society our value was more for our physical talent than our mental. In the agrarian and industrial ages, most people’s primary value was for the physical work they did, and only a small percentage of the population was valued more for their mental output. In that reality, if someone needed to improve, they did so by changing the way they physically worked.

Today, however, we’re living in what Dr. Peter Drucker called the Knowledge Worker’s economy. The world has flipped wherein 80 per cent of most developed countries’ GDP is generated from service and intellectual output, not physical. But, we spent so much time being conditioned to ‘change ourselves’ to improve that we carry that approach over. The result: when we try to improve ourselves today, we try to change our minds instead of changing our bodies. And this simply doesn’t work.

Our neural networks are pretty much fixed. Sure, they change slowly over years in time, but it’s simply no more possible to change the way our minds are wired than it is to change the physical attributes of the duck.

The bigger question is why should we?

Each of us can be a genius at something

The trick is in learning what! Instead of ignoring our genius and desiring to be something or someone else, the research proved that the most satisfied people revel in their genius. They don’t desire to be something else. They not only embrace what they excel at but, and more importantly, also what they are not good at. Instead of focussing on their weaknesses and seeking to change that which they are, they hold their weaknesses up like a badge and proudly proclaim, “I suck at that—and that’s OK!”

Just ask yourself: do you know anyone who is great at everything? If you consider even the most successful people you may know, they all suck at something. Einstein needed help with the actual mathematical formulas required to prove his theoretical hypothesis. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, while geniuses in creativity and business, lacked people skills. Study the greatest figures from history and you will always find a long list of genius abilities, balanced by an equally strong list of things they weren’t any good at as well.

It’s not perfection that drives success

We need to let go of our penchant for idealising the perfect person, and ignoring our natural gifts in favour of focussing mostly on fixing what’s wrong with us. No one is perfect and perfection is not what drove all of the successful people we could name.

What drove such success was a focus on maximising existing talents and minimising dependence on non-talents. This is what the research discovered. Every one of the most successful people studied could easily list a library of things they knew they stunk at doing. Here’s a summary:

Self-awareness

The first key to their success, mind you, was that they knew this about themselves. They had a very high sense of self-awareness.

Focus only on strengths

The second key to their success was that they accepted this about themselves. Instead of investing all of their time wishing they were something else, they acknowledged that they couldn’t be great at everything, and focused all of their efforts on figuring out how to utilise the wonderful talents they did possess.

Self-acceptance

Lastly, it seems that in so doing, they achieved a very high level of satisfaction—not so much in life performance as much as in being satisfied with who they were. Their learning to accept the fact that each of us would have to suck at something in order to excel somewhere else, delivered to them a sense of self-acceptance that brought with it peace, comfort and personal satisfaction that they were okay just the way they were.

Your genius is inbuilt

Dr. Marshall Goldsmith was one of those hyper-successful people studied in the research. Marshall personally coaches many of the Fortune 500 CEOs, and is considered one of the top 50 business thought leaders of our decade. He summed the entire concept up in a very succinct manner when he said, “There are a lot of things I suck at. I just make sure I don’t have to do them to be successful.”

Part of Marshall’s genius is complex thinking, and taking complex concepts and distilling them down to a very easily understood level. This makes him a great teacher and executive coach. Not everyone can see the simple truth in vastly complicated piles of data like Marshall. Conversely, Marshall admits that he has a weakness when it comes to being empathetic. It is not that he isn’t a caring person, but it’s just not one of his genius talents. Instead of trying to become much better at connecting with people on an emotional level, Marshall uses this weakness to his advantage by allowing it to help him have blunt but truthful discussions with the CEOs he coaches. For someone with an overabundance of empathy, sitting down and telling someone that they aren’t very good at something, is part of the problem at work, or that their employees don’t like them, could be a very hard thing to do. Marshall turns a potential weakness into strength by being able to have those discussions that need to take place in an unemotional way—rationally, logically and effectively.

Michael Lorelli was another genius performer we studied in the research. As a former President of PepsiCo and Pizza Hut, Michael recalls a time where he spent a lot of energy trying to fix himself and ignoring his own genius. The opposite of Marshall, Michael does not have a natural gift for complex problem solving, methodical strategic thinking or systematic structured thinking. Michael is a gunslinger. His genius is for being hyper-practical, rapid decision-making and thinking on his feet. Early on in his career, he tried to become that strategic, detail-oriented, careful planner. After years of wasted effort, little results and a lot of frustration, he eventually learned to leave his weaknesses behind and focus instead on maximising what he was naturally good at [i.e., his genius]. He delegates the details and minutia of the plan to those around him, and openly admits [almost proudly] that he sucks in a wide variety of areas. This shift to being strength-driven allowed him to not only achieve the success he did, but do so while being much more satisfied and less stressed.

These are but a few examples of the people we studied and they all shared the same common belief—that it was useless to try and fix themselves, impossible to have no weaknesses, and okay to be flawed. Instead of fighting that reality, they spent all of their time figuring out what they were good at and how to make their success dependent on that instead. It was once said, “Stop trying to put in what God left out and instead work with what he put in.” If you can truly achieve this mindset, you will be surprised how good it feels, and how much more successful you will be.

So how can you learn what your genius is for?

There are several things that you need to do in order to not only identify your own genius, but also be able to maximise it:

» Ask yourself who’s in charge

One of the more common reasons we find people not living in their genius is because they have a dependence on the world to tell them who to be, where to go, what to do. The geniuses we studied don’t do this—at all. They assume full responsibility for their own place in life, and refuse to outsource their best to anyone else. A commonly held belief among these geniuses was, “You get what you accept.” In other words, if you’re not happy with your life, don’t accept it. They don’t blame circumstances, nor do they let them dictate their happiness and success. Victims are people who allow circumstance to define them. Victors are those who define themselves, regardless of circumstance.

» Develop your Self-Awareness

Once you decide to take charge of your own destiny it’s time to take inventory of what you are—and what you are not—good at. There are a couple of good ways to do this.

Self-examination

Simply stopping to think about what you love to do is actually a great way to start defining your genius. One of the signs that you’re naturally great at something is that you love to do it. When we use our natural cognitive talents it seems somewhat effortless. It literally just ‘comes naturally’. The duck didn’t have to go to school to learn to swim, and doesn’t likely give it any thought when he does it. Likewise, identifying your genius can be as simple as writing down a list of all the things you love to do, and do naturally well.

Outside examination

Asking those around you what they think you’re great at is the next way to add to that list of talents you started. Talk to those who know you the best in a variety of roles [e.g. friends, co-workers, family]. Their somewhat more objective opinions can help you expand the list, often adding things to it you missed out on, and sometimes even cancelling out the things you thought you were good at.

Validated examination

Consider taking one of the countless psychometric profiles on the Internet today. A scientifically validated assessment can be a surprisingly accurate way to define your natural talents, preferences, strengths and weaknesses. Whichever one you choose, be sure to select one that lists not only your strengths, but weaknesses too! Knowing what you are not as good at is just as important as knowing what you are great at. I would recommend one of the following to start:
– The Genius profile [www.whatsyourgenius.com]
– Myers Briggs Type Indicator [www.humanmetrics.com]

» Accept Yourself

Now, here comes perhaps one of the more difficult things to do in this whole process. Before you can truly achieve the levels of performance and satisfaction that the geniuses in our study did, you have to accept yourself. This means embracing your list of weaknesses, not staring at it wondering how you can fix those things and get that side of your list down to zero. Sincerely accepting yourself in this manner means being fine with the things on your list and no longer coming from the perspective that you are broken. The animals in the opener weren’t broken, were they? Why don’t you deserve the same level of self-acceptance? My prediction is that once you become comfortable with this, you will find a certain joy in proclaiming to the world, “I SUCK at this.”

» Become authentic

Once you have a good list of strengths and weaknesses, your final task is to become more authentic. Start by comparing your list of strengths and weaknesses to your current roles in life. You want to ask yourself the following two questions:

• How much does my current role leverage and make use of these strengths?
• How much does my current role depend on my weaknesses?

Authenticity means being true to who you are…being real. Filling a role in a way that finds much of your success dependent on your weaknesses is being inauthentic. Instead of trying to fix your weaknesses, you just need to figure out how to make your success no longer depend on you being great at those things you suck at. Get it?

Hopefully your fit between your genius and current role isn’t too far off. Seek to maximise your dependence on your strengths and minimise dependence on weaknesses. Instead of fixing yourself, fix your job.

Granted, sometimes you can’t do much about it, but the cold harsh truth is that if you’re in a terribly inauthentic role you will never be able to fix yourself and become a great fit! Ultimate success and satisfaction in life will only come when you find a role that is a natural fit for your genius. The geniuses out there are those who refused to accept dissatisfaction and settle for anything less than the self-respect they demanded. Instead of modifying themselves to fit a bad job, they left those jobs that weren’t a great fit.

Being a genius isn’t about being super intelligent. It’s about learning to love all your warts and flaws. It is about embracing all that is wrong with you and finding all that is right with you. When you do this, you too can bring out your genius.

The post How to tap into your inner genius appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

• A small story
• The law of attraction: is it a hoax?
• The reason why law of attraction is so appealing
• The flaw lies in the packaging
• Demystifying the law of attraction: how does it actually work?
• The law of attraction paradigm that actually works
• Mastering the law of attraction: The missing link
  • Acceptance is the key
• Opening up to opportunities
• You are always free to choose your attitude
• Summing up
• BONUS CONTENT: Using the Law of Attraction for weight loss

“The law of floatation was not discovered by the contemplation of the sinking of things.”
—Thomas Troward

A small story

Jack Jones was a frustrated man who had come to accept struggle as part and parcel of life. He believed that no matter what his goals, he must work hard and do everything possible to get there. But life had been difficult and success seemed to elude him in all areas. The more he tried, the more impossible it seemed. He was a chain smoker and had received warnings from his doctor to quit or else… but somehow he was unable to let go of this harmful habit. He had been struggling with his weight and his relationship with his wife was stressful. Over the past few years, his work too had left him feeling unfulfilled and unsuccessful. He was angry at his body, unhappy with his marriage and frustrated with his work; and yet all his attempts to change his life yielded no result. He wondered why his sincere efforts and resolve were not working.

Then one day, a friend introduced him to the law of attraction [LoA]. Jack suddenly found his answers. It seemed that LoA was the panacea he was waiting for—he was hooked. Over the next few months, Jack read every book he could on the subject. He attended workshops and seminars and was even beginning to see some positive results—which, unfortunately, didn’t last. A year later, Jack Jones was still struggling, feeling hopeless about his life, more frustrated than ever, and angry that LoA had failed him.

The law of attraction: is it a hoax?

“Thoughts become things,” said Mike Dooley, a former PricewaterhouseCoopers consultant, in the 2006 hit docufilm The Secret. Such clever phrases, sprinkled throughout the film, played a big part in making law of attraction one of the biggest trends in the last decade or so. Millions excitedly jumped onto the bandwagon, only to be disappointed when they realised that it doesn’t work—at least not for them. Many [like Jack in the story above] excitedly embraced the law of attraction only to throw up their hands in disgust, and return to their old work-hard-to-make-money mindset. Because they could not produce consistent results with LoA, they felt that it was unreliable. There were those who, after their initial enthusiasm waned, allowed their rationalisation to take over and ended up attributing their successes to sheer coincidence. Then there were people who reported losing their sense of balance trying to control their incessant thoughts; these poor souls began to correlate everything that happened in their life with LoA in their attempts to ensure that they don’t inadvertently attract what they don’t want.

So is law of attraction a hoax? Is it a cunning ploy used by smart people to sell dreams to the vast majority of gullible people who are struggling to make their lives work?

In my experience, law of attraction is not a hoax; it is a sound concept that works for you always, but only if you really understand how it works. This article is my attempt to de-mystify law of attraction, so that it becomes accessible to everyone—including the sceptics. But before we understand how it works, let’s try and figure out what made the idea so alluring and how the ‘marketing’ of law of attraction took away from its real power.

The reason why law of attraction is so appealing

The law of attraction is a New Thought belief based on the notion that like attracts like. Positive thoughts attract positive situations and people; likewise, negative thoughts bring undesirable situations and people. In other words, our thoughts create our reality.

The fact that our thoughts are responsible for our life situation is an idea that resonates with most people. It makes them feel empowered and in control of their life. With LoA, their needs, wants and desires can easily fructify—all they have to do is visualise the outcome they desire, think repeatedly about it, and maintain a joyous emotional disposition at all times.

For many people, the appeal of LoA has been in its miraculous quality. The Secret and many other subsequent films, books and articles have packaged it in a way that lead you to believe that all you need is to ‘think’ what you want and then wait for it to materialise. Simply visualise the outcome you desire, impress it upon your subconscious and the Universe makes it happen. LoA has even been likened to a genie that fulfils your every demand. And who can resist the idea of his own personal genie?

The flaw lies in the packaging

I think the biggest flaw that most law of attraction “experts” have been making is marketing it as a magic wand to attract goodies into our lives. Such an approach both mystifies and trivialises the phenomenon.

The underlying premise of the law of attraction is that everything is made up of energy including our thoughts; hence, our thoughts manifest our reality. Proponents of LoA use this logic to explain how the law works. Many of them try to lend it further credibility by throwing science into their explanations for good measure. For example, some mention legitimate quantum physics concepts like the observer effect.^[1]

Demystifying the law of attraction: how does it actually work?

In its bare bones, the law states that whatever we focus upon expands. When we give our full attention to something—anything—its influence on our lives grows. As an example, if you have two saplings, and choose to water only one of them, guess which one will grow to become a fruit-bearing tree? Thoughts too are like saplings—those that you nourish are the only ones that flourish.

Seen from this perspective, Mike Dooley is right; thoughts do become things. In her classic book The Game of Life, Florence Scovel Shinn gives an example of this: A poor man was walking along a road when he met a traveller, who stopped him and said: “My good friend, I see you are poor. Take this gold nugget, sell it, and you will be rich all your days.” The man was overjoyed at his good fortune, and took the nugget home. He immediately found work and became so prosperous that he did not sell the nugget. Years passed, and he became a very rich man. One day he met a poor man on the road. He stopped him and said: “My good friend, I will give you this gold nugget, which, if you sell, will make you rich for life.” The mendicant took the nugget, had it valued, and found it was only brass. So we see, the first man became rich through feeling rich, thinking the nugget was gold.

“Every man has within himself a gold nugget; it is his consciousness of gold, of opulence, which brings riches into his life,” Shinn concludes.

The law of attraction paradigm that actually works

At its core, the law of attraction—which is always working whether we realise it or not—is really about how we react to our life situation. I like to think of it as a mindset, an attitude of always being for a solution instead of against your problem. Whether it is a self-defeating habit you wish to conquer, bring happiness into your relationships, get rid of debt or achieve professional success, your life will be more fulfilling if you cultivate an attitude of always being for what you want, instead of being against what you don’t want.

What’s the difference, you ask. The difference is that when we’re against something, we try to fight that instead of working towards what we desire. It is like trying to remove darkness—no matter how hard you try, you will not succeed. The only sensible option is to accept the reality of darkness, and then think of how you can light a candle.

You may think that we’re only indulging in some form of mental acrobatics and may doubt the efficacy of this subtle shift. You may even feel tempted to equate this with mere positive thinking. But ‘being for’ is more than that. Before I explain the difference, I must tell you about the missing piece, without which LoA is incomplete and ineffective.

Mastering the law of attraction: The missing link

Let’s do an experiment. Close your eyes for about 30 seconds. During this time, don’t think of a white bear. You can think of anything else except a white bear. Open your eyes only after 30 seconds.

What happened? It’s a good bet that no matter how hard you tried, you saw a white bear in your mind’s eye. This phenomenon is known as the ironic process theory in psychology whereby deliberate attempts to suppress certain thoughts make them more likely to surface in one’s thoughts.^[2]

That’s the problem of being against something. It’s impossible to not think of what is. How can you be against reality—it’s compelling and forceful. But there’s something that can help you deal with this. This is the big piece of the LoA puzzle that most of its proponents seem to have missed. It’s called acceptance, and it enables you to take the law from theory to practice. Without acceptance, you cannot turn your attention away from what you don’t want to what you want, which—as the law states—is necessary in order to manifest your desires.

Let me explain this with the help of a simple example:

Let’s say I’m experiencing poverty; what I want is, of course, wealth. So, LoA states that I should stop thinking poverty-oriented thoughts and instead dwell on abundance. To do so, I start visualising wealth in different ways. I wake up in the morning and deliberately put my attention on attracting lots of money. I make affirmation cards, carry them in my wallet and read them often. I even create a vision board with beautiful pictures of the stuff that I am dreaming about. I express gratitude for the blessings in my life. In short, I do my best to imagine abundance. However, the fact is that till abundance actually begins manifesting for me, I will keep coming back to the present reality of my poverty. I can blank it out for a while, or if I am a really good daydreamer, even for extended periods of time. But no matter how much I escape to my fantasy world, sooner or later I will wake up from my dream world and notice that I am poor—and my attention will return to thoughts of poverty—something that I am against. So I am back to square one.

The fact is, it’s nearly impossible to take your focus off the present—after all, it’s right there, staring at you. That is why, no matter how hard we try, we still end up thinking about what we don’t want, and continue to resist and resent it.

Acceptance is the key

This is where acceptance comes in. You see, our only power is in the now. Regardless of how challenging our present, if we resist it, we give up our power. But when we accept our present reality, we make peace with it. In other words, we no longer argue with it, or resist it. But that doesn’t mean we start liking or wanting it. No, it simply means we stop being against it.

In the above example, if I make peace with reality i.e. my poverty, I stop resisting it. So now, though I still prefer abundance, noticing my poverty no longer produces unhappiness in me in the present. This means, I can daydream and visualise all I want and when I come back, I can face my present reality without any feelings of frustration. Acceptance has removed the sting from my poverty. Now I don’t use it as an excuse for resentment and anger. The energy I was using in opposing what is becomes available to me, and I begin doing whatever I can to attract abundance.

In The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle explains such acceptance with the help of an analogy. He says, “If you were stuck in the mud somewhere, you wouldn’t say: ‘Okay, I resign myself to being stuck in the mud.’ You don’t need to accept an undesirable or unpleasant life situation. Nor do you need to deceive yourself and say that there is nothing wrong with being stuck in the mud. No. You recognise fully that you want to get out of it. You then narrow your attention down to the present moment without mentally labelling it in any way. This means that there is no judgment of the Now. Therefore, there is no resistance, no emotional negativity. You accept the ‘isness’ of this moment. Then you take action and do all that you can to get out of the mud. Such action I call positive action. It is far more effective than negative action, which arises out of anger, despair, or frustration.”

To reiterate, acceptance is not a prescription for inaction. If anything, it frees up your energy and brings much greater clarity in the present that you no longer resist. From this non-resistant space you can manifest whatever you want.

Opening up to opportunities

Once you’ve made peace with your problem, ideas and opportunities begin to show up, or should we say, you begin to notice them. When we’re not spending our time cursing our luck and resisting our current circumstances, our intuitive abilities are at peak, guiding us to do whatever is necessary.

Many great scientists, artists, and businessmen have credited their intuition for solving many of their problems. These include Leonardo da Vinci, Albert Einstein, Henry Ford, Thomas Edison and Isaac Newton—they received their insights when they were relaxed. Many of them have shared how a solution came to them when they weren’t even thinking about the problem.

When we are against our problem, which is the reality, we too inadvertently become part of the problem. And nothing great can be achieved by being against reality—it’s futile. Is it any wonder then that we miss the opportunities that we could’ve noticed had we been looking for solutions?

Here’s how Mother Teresa demonstrated the ‘for not against’ paradigm. When an activist group asked her if she would join them in their march against the Vietnam War, Mother Teresa replied: “No, I won’t march against the war with you. But if you have a march for peace, I’ll be there.” Mother Teresa knew that being against anything means becoming part of the problem; she preferred to be part of the solution.

If you want to become more effective in attaining your goals, cultivate an attitude that Mother Teresa advocated and practised. It means the next time you find yourself ‘pitched’ against, say, illiteracy, accept the present situation as it is, and then shift your focus in favour of literacy. You will find that instead of blaming the society or the government or the education policy, you will look for ways to spread literacy in your own way—maybe you will sponsor a child’s education, volunteer to teach part-time or even donate money to charitable schools run by selfless NGOs.

You are always free to choose your attitude

Although apocryphal, the following story elucidates how accepting your circumstances, instead of being against them, frees you up to manifest your dreams.

A middle-aged man named Bill Fross lived in Chicago with his family. Bill was a drunkard, swindler, petty thief and wife-beater, who had been in and out of jail more times than he could remember. His wife died while giving birth to his twin sons, Peter and James. As the boys grew up, they suffered many terrible beatings and great poverty as their father’s alcoholism spiralled out of control.

They observed, with their impressionable eyes and minds, as their dad wasted his life, and finally died in prison during one of his numerous trips there, while the boys were in their teens.

Thirty years later, Peter was just like his dad—a drunkard, swindler, petty thief, and wife-beater, who served time in jail. James, on the other hand, became a respected US senator, happy husband and proud father of three. Peter and James grew up in the same domestic environment but their worlds couldn’t be further apart.

A psychologist who observed contrasting lives of the twins became curious: why would two kids, who were born on the same day, to the same parents, and growing up in the same set of circumstances, end up so differently? His curiosity got the better of him and he decided to get to the root of the matter by interviewing the two brothers separately—without one knowing the other would be interviewed.

He first approached Peter in prison and asked him why he ended up the way he did. Peter, not surprisingly, replied, “With a father like mine, what else did you expect?” The psychologist then travelled to Washington DC and asked the same question to Senator James, who, not having the slightest hint that his brother had been interviewed, said, “With a father like mine, what else did you expect?”

One son used his father as an excuse to fail in life, and the other son used the same father as a reason to succeed. Different interpretations of the same circumstances made all the difference. Unlike Peter, James chose to be for life, and not against the difficult circumstances he was born and brought up in.

In the classic book Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor E. Frankl recounts the extremely torturous treatment he and his fellow inmates suffered at the hands of the Nazis, as prisoners in the concentration camps. An Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, Frankl spent his time as a hostage studying human behaviour and concluded thus: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Adversities often become stepping stones for people who refuse to be victims of their circumstances. Blaming other people or situation/events for your miseries and misfortunes usually keeps you from transcending them. If you wish to bring about a positive change, stop thinking about what’s wrong or missing from your life. Accept your present life situation wholeheartedly and then think about what you want—without resistance to what is, you’ll find yourself acting in ways that bring your desires to you.

Summing up

The ‘be for, not against’ paradigm is not some unverifiable mumbo-jumbo; instead, it is rooted in sound logic. Therefore, even if you don’t believe in the supernatural quality of the popular idea of LoA, it will still work for you. The key, as we have learned, is to accept our problems with grace. May I suggest that you consider replacing the word ‘attraction’ with ‘acceptance’ in the phrase, and then see the difference? When you think of LoA as the Law of Acceptance, it will gently remind to make peace with your present reality—with all its problems and challenges. And once you accept you present reality, there will be nothing to resist—and you will be free to manifest your heart’s desire. The best part is that your journey from here to there will be joyous and fulfilling.

Bonus Content: Using the Law of Attraction for weight loss

Weight loss is a goal that drives millions of people around the world to sign up to gyms, health clubs and fitness programmes. Overweight individuals hate the surplus flab enveloping what they reckon to be their ‘lean and beautiful body’. They try everything—exercise routines, crash diet plans, gadgets and as-shown-on-TV quick-fixes that promise them the moon—but, what they get is miracles that don’t work. That slim and sexy figure stays illusive. Worse, even if they succeed in losing weight, most are unable to maintain it. According to studies, 85 to 90 per cent people regain any weight they’ve lost within three to five years.

Have you ever wondered why weight loss is such a difficult proposition for most people? Think about it, and you will realise that almost all weight-loss candidates are exclusively against their excess weight, instead of being in favour of a healthy, fitter self. In the process of trying to lose weight, they are dwelling constantly on what they don’t want [excess fat], and this is exactly what they get.

Many years ago I had the opportunity to interview [Read here] singer-composer Adnan Sami. This was soon after he had lost a massive amount of weight—130 kg to be precise—in a span of one year. Before he started on his weight loss programme, he was morbidly obese and was given a few months to live by his doctors. During our conversation Adnan confessed to me that even after the doctor’s ultimatum he kept “hogging”—he believed there was no way out for him. Thanks largely to his father’s counsel, Adnan switched from being against his obesity to becoming for his life, lost enormous amounts of weight and, most importantly, survived to tell the tale.

Overweight individuals would do well to apply the Law of Attraction paradigm—by thinking and acting towards their healthier and fitter selves instead of being against their excess weight. Here is how it works: stop being against your current weight—make peace with the reality of it, then resolve to work towards being fitter and healthier with love and joy. When you demonstrate love instead of hatred for your body, you act in loving ways. Love provides you with all the energy you need. It also automatically motivates you to give up nutritionally empty foods, laziness, procrastination, and all the self-defeating habits that come in your way of becoming fitter and slimmer.

^{[1] The observer effect that states that the act of observing affects what is being observed↩}

^{[2] It seems that many of us are drawn into what seems a simple task, to stop a thought, when we want to stop thinking of something because it is frightening, disgusting, odd, inconvenient, or just annoying. And when we succumb to that initial impulse to stop, the snowballing begins. We try and fail, and try again, and find that the thought is ever more insistent for all our trying. Many studies reveal that suppression may be the starting point for obsession, rather than the other way around. As a result, we end up thinking all too often about the doubts, worries, fears, and alarms that we have tried to erase from mind.
— Daniel M Wegner, author of White Bears and Other Unwanted Thoughts:Suppression, Obsession, and the Psychology of Mental Control.↩}

The post Mastering the Law of Attraction: The Missing Link appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Now, new research published in the journal Psychological Science has shown that becoming happy improves your health. The researchers employed tactics that were specifically designed to boost subjective wellbeing. The study found that both online and in-person psychological interventions have positive effects on self-reported physical health. What’s more, there was no difference between the impact of online and in-person interventions—they were found to be equally effective.

“Though prior studies have shown that happier people tend to have better cardiovascular health and immune-system responses than their less happy counterparts,” said Kostadin Kushlev, a professor in Georgetown University’s Department of Psychology and one of the authors of the paper, “our research is one of the first randomised controlled trials to suggest that increasing the psychological wellbeing even of generally healthy adults can have benefits to their physical health.”

Kushlev and his colleagues at the University of Virginia and the University of British Columbia spent six months examining the impact of improving the subjective wellbeing of otherwise healthy individuals on their physical health.

How the study was conducted

155 adults between the ages of 25 and 75 were randomly assigned either to a wait-list control condition or a 12-week positive psychological intervention that addressed three different sources of happiness: the “Core Self,” the “Experiential Self,” and the “Social Self.”

The first three weeks of the programme focused on the Core Self, helping individuals identify their personal values, strengths, and goals. Then, for the next five weeks, the focus shifted to the Experiential Self, covering emotion regulation and mindfulness. This phase also gave participants tools to identify maladaptive patterns of thinking. The final four weeks of the programme addressed the Social Self, teaching techniques to cultivate gratitude, foster positive social interactions, and engage more with their community.

Called Enduring Happiness and Continued Self-Enhancement (ENHANCE), the programme consisted of weekly modules either led by a trained clinician or completed individually using a customised online platform. None of the modules focused on promoting physical health or health behaviours such as sleep, exercise, or diet.

Each module featured an hour-long lesson with information and exercises; a weekly writing assignment, such as journaling; and an active behavioural component, such as guided meditation.

“All of the activities were evidence-based tools to increase subjective wellbeing,” Kushlev noted.

When the programme concluded, researchers gave participants individual evaluations and recommendations of which modules would be most effective at improving their happiness in the long term. Three months after the conclusion of the trial, researchers followed up with the participants to evaluate their wellbeing and health.

The finding: Becoming happy improves your health

Participants who received the intervention reported increasing levels of subjective wellbeing over the course of the 12-week programme. They also reported fewer sick days than control participants throughout the programme and three months after it ended.

The study found that the online mode of administering the programme was as effective as the in-person mode that trained facilitators led.

“These results speak to the potential of such interventions to be scaled in ways that reach more people in environments such as college campuses to help increase happiness and promote better mental health among students,” Kushlev said.

—Link to original research

The post Becoming happy improves your health appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.