During the contest, the young man displayed superlative adeptness when his first arrow hit the bull’s eye, and then he split that arrow into two with his second shot. Highly pleased with his own performance, he dared the old man to match it. The master remained calm and instead of drawing his bow he motioned for the young archer to follow him up the hill. Curious about what the old man was up to, the young archer followed him near the peak of the mountain. There, they confronted a deep gulf, bridged simply by a flimsy trunk of an old tree. The master stepped on the wobbly log and walked to the middle, picked a far away tree as a target, drew his bow, and fired a clean, direct hit. Calm and composed, he stepped off the log quietly, looked at the champion archer and said, “Your turn now.”

As he stared into the terrifying chasm, the young man trembled and couldn’t even step onto the log, leave aside attempting to shoot at a target. Sensing his predicament, the old man looked at him lovingly and, without a trace of superiority, said, “Young man, no doubt you have great skill with your bow and arrow but you have little skill with the mind that controls these weapons. Shooting arrows in contests is not that same as firing them on the battlefield, where violence can arise upon any kind of terrain and under any conditions. If you want to be a real champion, go and become the master of your mind.”

Why Unwavering Composure Matters

For me, the lesson in this Zen story runs deeper than the abyss that terrified the young archer. All my life, I have been taught to focus on learning new ways to succeed, on acquiring knowledge, on gaining technical “expertise”. After all, these qualities are valued in the world. But when disaster strikes, when I am confronted with an unexpected crisis, or when life throws a curve ball, no amount of expertise and knowledge comes in handy — unless it is also accompanied by a tranquil mind. Only if you are calm and composed can you face stressful situations without succumbing to the pressure. And yet, learning worldly skills is given prominence everywhere with hardly any emphasis on the importance of training the mind for peace and calmness.

But then, life is the greatest school with the most unsuspecting teachers on its roll. And my teachers have come disguised as unexpected difficulties and stressful situations — challenges and problems that have stumped me and made me realize that what I most need at that moment is unwavering composure; nothing else matters as much.

Also read » The lion and the crippled fox

Why Staying Calm Helps

I rate the ability to stay calm and composed as greater than any other material accomplishment. Without composure, I cannot help myself or another. But if peace is my constant companion, regardless of how stressful the challenge, how demanding the situation, how dicey the problem, I know I can deal with it. This is what the Zen master implied when he urged the young archer to become the master of his mind.

I understand that steadfast equanimity requires great practice and dedication, especially because it is not given priority in a world that is smitten by material wealth and sense pleasures. But, like the Zen story teaches us, skill — or for that matter riches, fame or power — are of little use without a calm mind. That’s why I consider the ability to stay calm and composed under all circumstances to be the greatest quality. This quality of composure is a flowering of mindfulness. Let me explain.

How to Be Mindful In Stressful Situations

To be able to stay calm and composed in the midst of chaos and uncertainty requires one to be in a state of heightened awareness, which is the quality of mindfulness. When facing a crisis, a mindful person, rather than being swayed by extreme emotions, stays calm and controlled while working the best way out of the situation. Mindful beings are in touch the present moment and also know that their all power exists now in the timeless realm of now. When you focus on the present, you are able to respond better to the challenges at hand rather than being overwhelmed by stress and losing perspective of your situation.

Here are a few steps that will help you stay calm and composed in stressful situations:

1. Acknowledge and accept that you are feeling stressed

Only when you acknowledge the physical and emotional signs of stress — palpitations, feelings of weakness, a stream of dreadful thoughts — are you in a position to do something about it. Accepting your stressful feelings allows you to approach the situation objectively and calmly.

2. Stop and notice your breath

Take a moment to pause and pay attention to your breathing. As you notice you breath, you will begin to breathe deeper and slower which, in turn, will activate the body’s relaxation response and help you regain a sense of calm.

3. Bring your attention to the present

Become intensely present. Look around and notice your surroundings. Also make note of  the sensations in your body as well as your mental chatter. Doing so will instantly ground you and anchor you to the present moment. Now you will have a clearer view of the stressful situation.

4. Question your fearful thoughts

Stressful situations cause our minds to go into an overdrive of negative thinking. But most of these thoughts are simply unfounded fears that can be challenged and disputed with reason. As you question your thoughts, you will be able to look at your stressful situation in the right context.

5. Be your own friend

Avoid self-criticism. Bashing yourself up is self-defeating phenomenon with terrible consequences. Give yourself space to be imperfect. Be gentle and compassionate to yourself like you would be to a friend in a similar situation.

Conclusion

Try following the above steps, the next time you feel immobilized when facing a difficult situation. With practice, being mindful will enable you to stay stay calm and composed no matter how challenging and stressful your situation.

If you wish to learn how to cultivate a mindful disposition, start by reading this article.

Also read » The man who eliminated uncertainty

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One day, the gardener learnt that there would be important dignitaries visiting the temple. This news inspired him to work extra hard—he carefully pulled out all the weeds, pruned the shrubs, combed the moss, and spent a long time meticulously raking up and carefully arranging all the dry autumn leaves.

As he worked, the old Zen master standing beyond the garden wall watched him with interest. When he had finished, the gardener stood back to admire his work. He turned to the old man watching and asked, “Doesn’t it look beautiful?”

“Indeed,” replied the Zen master, “but there’s something amiss. If you’d like, I’ll put it right for you.”

The gardener hesitated at first but then the compassionate look on the master’s face made him nod in consent and he walked towards the old man and helped him climb down the wall. Slowly, the master walked to one of the trees in the middle of the garden, held it with both hands and shook it up. Dry leaves fell down all around the garden. “There,” said the old man, “now you’re done.”

Perfection in imperfection

The Zen story reveals how the human mind has been trained to have fixed ideas about what constitutes perfection and imperfection. In fact, the very idea of imperfection is absurd because how can there be anything imperfect, unless there was someone to judge it as being so.

Imperfection is only a concept. There is nothing imperfect in existence. Can’t be! It’s very existence makes it “perfect”. But we have notions of perfect/imperfect fed into our heads from early age. Imperfection is a subjective phenomenon, totally depending on the individual. In absence of a mind that discriminates, there is only perfection.

In our highly mechanised society, we are used to machine-made things—from our food to our cars, everything is manufactured to specifications and cloned in factories so that every item that comes out of the assembly resembles every other item exactly. If there is even a slight variation, it is considered defective and not fit for consumption.

No two snowflakes are alike

But life isn’t created on an assembly line. It comes in all shapes and sizes, never repeating itself, no matter how many trillion life forms take birth. The reason why every snowflake is unique is that the greater Intelligence that powers our Universe is creative and original. It isn’t concerned about trying to impress anyone; nor does it rely on any die to produce life forms.

Manicured gardens might be soothing to our disciplined minds that have learned to put everything in a certain structure but life grows wild and untamed. Life flourishes when Nature is left to its own. Untouched by humans, it finds its own way to thrive—a phenomenon we urban dwellers find difficult to appreciate or understand. The beauty of such unrestricted growth is not the same as the concepts of beauty that we have grown to accept as standard.

The autumn leaves are dry and brown but they are part of life’s circle of birth and death. When left alone, these leaves merge with the soil in due course and soon new life springs forth from it. The old, dead leaves shed their old form and come back in the form of new growth. Seen from this perspective, autumn leaves reflect the perfection of life. And perhaps that is why the Zen master decorated the garden with the autumn leaves.

Honouring imperfection

The Japanese tradition of Wabi Sabi respects the idea that life is always perfect and that is why it honours the so-called imperfection in outward aesthetics. By definition, Wabi Sabi is the art of finding beauty in the imperfect, the impermanent and the incomplete. A crack in the porcelain mug, for instance, would make it unfit for use in our modern, westernised culture. However, in Japan, it is revered as a sign of authentic beauty and a gentle reminder of the impermanent nature of existence.

No matter how conventionally beautiful and “perfect”, every form disintegrates with time. Seen from our finite perspectives, this transience and imperfection of life may seem dreadful. But such transience and imperfection is what makes life truly beautiful and worth cherishing, if only you care to look at it that way.

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It’s tough being tired all day. I’ve had days where I struggled to make it through the day and didn’t have the energy to tackle anything that matters.

Hell, I’ve had years like that.

When you’re tired, not much seems appealing. Life is dulled, and you don’t get much accomplished. Worse still, you don’t have the energy to change the situation.

These days I don’t have many days like this, but when I do, I rest. We have gotten good at ignoring our body’s signals—much of our lives are spent training our minds to pretend as if our bodies aren’t tired, so we can be more productive.

This is wrong. It ends up in burnout and reduced productivity, because we inevitably run out of energy. Listen to your body—your long-term health and sanity depend on it.

Why we are tired

We are exhausted because we don’t rest enough. We think rest is not as important as other things like waking early, getting stuff done, attending a thousand meetings, being sucked into the world of online connections, reading and of course watching our all-important TV programmes.

So we cut down on our sleep in favour of these other things that are much more essential, and then wonder why our energy levels are low.

Sleep problems

Let’s take a quick look at some of the problems that keep people tossing in bed:

Not tired yet: If your sleeping pattern is set so that you usually sleep later, when you do attempt to go to bed earlier, you’re not tired enough to fall asleep.

Too tired: It’s possible to be so exhausted that falling asleep is difficult. This tends to be a problem less often than ‘not tired enough’ though.

Worries: You’ve got something spinning around in your head, so the sleep doesn’t come. Sometimes it’s replaying something that’s happened, or things that someone said, and at other times it’s worrying about something coming up or planning an event.

Electronic devices: If you’re using your computer, smartphone, tab or any other device in bed, you might be tired but have a hard time sleeping because your mind isn’t unwinding.

There are other issues, but I’ve found these to be the most common.

1. Formula for becoming a baby

So how do we solve these problems and sleep like babies? I don’t have all the answers, but let me share some of the things that have worked for me.

2. Exercise: A good hard workout or run, bike or swim will get you nice and tired. A good yoga workout is a wonderful way to exercise, as you learn mindfulness at the same time. Even if my workout is early in the day, I often go to bed with a tired body, and look forward to the rest. Don’t workout right before bed though.

3. Get up early: You can get your body to shift its sleeping schedule by slowly getting up earlier. Try 15 minutes earlier than normal for a week, then another 15 minutes. If you get up earlier, you’ll be a bit tired during the day, and when it’s time to go to sleep, you’ll enjoy the rest.

4. Establish a bedtime ritual: It takes time to unwind the body and mind. At least an hour before bedtime, start slowing down. Turn off the computer, TV or smartphone. Floss and brush your teeth. Put away things you were using in the evening. Sit down and read a book [not on your laptop]. This kind of ritual helps establish in your mind that it’s time to sleep, and your body takes this cue and begins to prepare itself.

5. Keep your room only for sleeping: Don’t eat, watch TV, use your computer, or do other kinds of activities in your room. Restrict those activities to the living and dining rooms, so that when you go to bed, there’s just one thing to do. Be sure to make the room dark when you go to sleep too—your body reacts to light.

6. Focus your attention: Once you’ve gone through your bedtime ritual and unwound, and your body is nice and tired, you need to quiet your mind. Here’s my trick for doing that—close your eyes and visualise the first thing you did today. That might be opening your eyes and getting out of bed. Then visualise the second thing you did—let’s say you washed your face or drank a glass of water. Then you started the coffee but first had to grind the beans. Visualise these tiny steps in detail. I never get past the first hour of my day before I’m asleep.

7. Change slowly: Be patient with sleeping changes—they are difficult, because when you are tired, your mind doesn’t have the discipline to stick to changes. Your body and mind want to do what it’s used to doing. But if you change a little at a time, and forgive yourself for ‘messing up’ [there’s no messing up, actually], then you can make changes.

This cure for insomnia didn’t work overnight for me. But I don’t think it took that long before it did begin to work. You can only go without adequate sleep for so long before your body and mind force you to catch up. So catch up by going to sleep earlier.

Another thing I noticed was that when I began to sleep earlier and wake earlier, it threw my sleeping patterns off for a while. It was a bit weird and took a little while to adjust, but finally getting a good night’s rest was rewarding.

This was first published in the April 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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Arjun comes into office, switches on his computer only to find 100 new emails waiting for him. As he sifts through the mound of mail, his annoying colleague Snehal stops by his desk to tell him how her daughter stood first in her school exams despite having chickenpox. When she finally decides to leave, he goes back to sorting his email when he remembers that he has a meeting with the company director in 10 minutes. He goes through his notes. Things seem to be in order and he heads off towards the boardroom. As he is about to enter the room, his assistant rushes up to him and informs him that the numbers that he was supposed to quote in his presentation are all wrong. Unfortunately for him, the director witnesses this exchange and berates him publicly for his incompetence. Does Arjun’s day sound much like yours?

At work, we often face stressful situations, dreaded projects, irritating co-workers, frustrating bosses, an overwhelming number of tasks and messages, boring work we don’t enjoy.

These problems have one simple cause: we’re holding on.

It’s not your work that is stressful

The work itself isn’t stressful—it’s just action that’s taken or that needs to be taken. It’s our reaction to the work that causes the stress: our holding on to a wish that things were different.

It’s not the constant stream of interruptions that is frustrating—they are just events that happen around us, like a leaf falling or a bird flying by. It’s our holding on, in our minds, to the task we were doing before we were interrupted that causes the frustration. We wish we weren’t interrupted from the task, and we resent anything that interrupts us while our minds are still half on the previous task.

Our co-workers and boss aren’t the problem either: they’re just other human beings trying to do the best they can in this world. It’s our holding on to the idea that they should somehow behave a certain way, that they should do their best to make us happy, that causes us anger and irritation.

It’s not that we have an overwhelming number of tasks and messages that causes us to be stressed out—it’s our reaction to that number. It’s just a list of things, or a phone ringing, or an inbox with a list of messages. Those things are harmless. But when we hold on to the idea that we can do everything, and that we have to deal with all this at once, we become stressed, because obviously we can’t. We can only do one thing, though our minds are on all of them.

So what’s the solution? It’s letting go.

This is the Zen of Work.

Learning to let go

When you let go of these ideas of how things should be, how other people should behave to make you happy, how you can do everything at once, then the problems go away. They simply don’t exist.

There are other problems, of course—you still need to do the work. But the frustrations, stress, anger, irritation, feelings of overwhelm… those are all caused by holding on, and they’re in our minds. We also hold on to things that happened earlier—something someone did that wasn’t nice, a meeting during which we said something embarrassing, a mistake we made on our project—and of course this only compounds the pain, keeps the pain replaying on an endless loop.

Letting go allows the problems to disappear.

It’s that simple, and yet letting go isn’t always easy.

It’s a learning process

First you have to learn mindfulness, which is the key to the whole shebang. Mindfulness allows us to see these thought processes that are causing us pain, allows us to delve into what we’re holding on to.

Mindfulness also helps us return to the moment, so that all those things running around in our heads can fade away, and we live in what’s actually happening, right now.

We do a task without holding on to other tasks, or offences made by other people. We do a task, and then let go of it, and move on to the next task.

This takes practice, and so I suggest starting with a simple practice, like five minutes of meditation, and working from there. Once you get good at this simple practice, you can expand mindfulness to other tasks. Eventually you’ll get pretty good at it, and you will notice that the problems will start to dissolve on their own.

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In couple’s therapy, we talk about change. However, I seldom hear, “I want to learn to do things differently.” Clients are often baffled as to why their partner won’t change — they say, “If you loved me you’d do this for me.” I ask them what they are willing to change, and hear, “I’m not doing that!”

They miss the irony. Each expects the other to change; neither thinks they need to change. The self-responsible person asks, “What can I do to act like the person I want my partner to be?”

I was walking through a mall, and saw a mom shaking her 8-year-old a few inches from her face and screaming, “How many times have I told you not to hit your sister?” Hmm… wonder where he learned to use physical force to make his point?

One of my clients hates it when her husband yells at her. So, she yells at him, “I hate it when you yell at me!” The woman yells at her husband because she thinks she has the right to do so, since he did. The odd part is, in a previous session, she said, “That’s it! I’m never going to yell at him again! It doesn’t work!” So I asked her about that promise.“Well, yes, I did promise, but really, anybody would have yelled over that!” Not much of a promise, eh?

The reason relationships get into trouble is often that one or both of the parties think their job is to ‘sort out’ their partner. One of my clients refers to her husband as her ‘fourth child.’ Nothing he does is right, and she endlessly tells him so.

I think the purpose of a relationship is to relate. And to do that, I have to meet my partner as my equal, not as someone I need to fix. Here’s the truth: Your partner isn’t broken, and your job is to work on yourself.

Here are five ideas to help you make that happen.

1. Honesty

Secrets have a way of circling back and biting us. People get into the “I have the right to my privacy!” stuff, but here’s a suggestion: if you want secrets, keep them. Just don’t be in a relationship. Most of the mess we find ourselves in has to do with not being truthful. We don’t talk about what we are thinking, what we are feeling. We even may assume that our partner ought to be a mind reader—ought to ‘just know.’ Honesty is about describing what you know about yourself. You can’t know a thing about another person [you make guesses, but if you pay attention, you’re mostly wrong] so all you really can talk about is your own behaviour, and internal theatre. Putting off talking about what is going on for you both delays the inevitable, and sets you up for fights, once the truth comes out. Better to tackle things head on.

2. Fair fighting

Fair fighting is an agreement to use self-responsible language, and to separate out angry emotions. For instance “I’m noticing that I am making myself angry about the story I’m telling myself about…[the problem] and I’m wondering what is going on for you?” In this example you’ll see you’re speaking only for yourself. “I am making myself angry” is true. No one “makes me” angry. In order to get angry, I have to tell myself a story. And stories are by definition fictional. Works for all emotions, not just anger.

There’s an exercise called a Vesuvius, designed by Joann Peterson of The Haven. There’s an area of floor, say 8 ft x 8 ft. The angry person stays in this area, perhaps with a pillow to hit. The person can say or do anything within the area, for five minutes, except break things, or touch people. What this accomplishes is upping everyone’s tolerance for angry sounds, while letting the person express the emotion safely. Fair fighting means sticking to the topic, stating your side, and listening to the other person, just like in the above example. It also means taking turns to express, aiming for solutions and not aiming to ‘be right’.

3. Treat your partner as you wish to be treated

Mostly, we’re sitting around, waiting for others to go first. “I’ll stop yelling when you do”, “I’ll speak for myself after you do.” We are excellent at putting the other to the test, and often fail at doing what we say we want to do. “Do unto others…” is a tenet in most religions. There’s nothing in it about waiting for the other person to go first. It’s about integrity: “If I say I will do something, I will do it. My behaviour is not contingent on another’s.” So, what kind of person do you want to be in relationship with? Be that person.

• If you want honesty, be honest.
• If you want good communication, take a course and learn how to be a good communicator.
• If you want to be listened to, stop talking and listen.
• If you don’t hear what you ‘want’ to hear, be quiet and listen some more.

Doing this is the only way to shift your relationship, as you are shifting the only thing you really can—your own behaviour.

4. No blame

Here’s a tricky one. Watch yourself, and listen to yourself. When something goes wrong, even little stuff, like getting cut off in traffic, we immediately blame the other person. They go from being wrong, to being bad, to being ‘out to get me, just like everyone else is.’ We learned as kids to point at other people, and to make it their fault. But nothing happens inside of you without you setting it up. It’s why two people have different reactions to the same situation. Situations don’t cause reactions. Things happen and we react. We might begin to feel uncomfortable, and our instinct is to blame someone. Our partners are typically around quite often, and therefore get a lot of blame. We need to learn to stop ourselves by repeating, “Things happen, and I choose my response.” I can use honest communication and then ask for change, such as: “I’m wondering if you would be willing to discuss how we could do this differently.” Blame games lead to going around in circles, and everyone is in pain. Not a good strategy!

5. Acceptance

In the end, here it is: You are who you are, and your partner is who s/he is. And who each of you are is captured ONLY in what you do. In other words, if I say I am a fair and compassionate person and act like Attila the Hun, the truth of me is ‘Attila.’ Words are cheap, actions priceless.

Acceptance is about waking up each morning, looking at your partner and saying ‘Reset to zero.’ The person opposite you, and all you know about that person, is who s/he is right now. If you can’t accept this person 100 per cent, you’re already in trouble. This ‘reset’ means that I put behind everything that has been discussed, and resolved, and now, we start the day afresh. My choice is to accept my partner just as she is today. I then begin again, with honesty, openness, dialogue, and self-responsibility. I treat my partner as I wish to be treated, day after day. In the end, the part we can fix in any relationship is our part. The best way to do so is to treat others with dignity, respect, compassion and heart. Anything else misses the point. I learn about me, as I relate with you.

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Can we still find some relevance in a set of pictures from the 12^th century? Yes! Only if we grasp the essence and accept that to find something, we have to lose it. When we find it, we see that it was there all along. In our exploration, we have to throw away the things hiding it from our view. Yet, we also have to live in the world, support ourselves and families, maintain relationships, work, shop, cook, clean, eat and sleep. No wonder, we need great faith and great determination as our companions! Now let’s look at the pictures.

Picture 1

To begin, a young farming boy is seen in picture one, most probably asking the question; ‘Who am I really?’ That could mean re-assessing our lives. Am I happy? Is there joy in my life? Am I fulfilled as a human being? Is there more to my life than spending all my day engrossed in projects and workload. Such questions and similar ones mark the beginning of our search for the ox.

Picture 2

In search of our Ox, we look for books, teachers, videos, gurus. Perhaps we find an interesting course to attend and, listening to the teacher, we feel as if they are speaking to us personally. The words resonate within us and there it is—we find traces of the Ox.

Pictures 3 – 5

Mindfulness will lead us to find the Ox and, with discipline and self control, will help to catch the Ox. We get the inspiration to make changes and perhaps are satisfied with this progress, but wait… there is the long process of taming the Ox [picture 5]. Can we become masters of our mind and not slaves to every whim and desire that arises? This could be a long and arduous process for many. Why go too far, you’re probably already a slave to your computer and mobile phone and they rule your life. Think about it.

Picture 6

Here our seeker friend is found proudly riding the Ox back home; the object of his goal apparently achieved, he is one with the Ox. He is happy and believes his journey has ended. He is satisfied with the progress made and is enjoying the success. This is comparable perhaps with the sought-after promotions or our delight on receiving recognition. It is hard to be honest with ourselves, but try stepping back to see if your attitude is one of self-satisfaction.

Picture 7

That’s how, in picture seven, the Ox disappears; it is forgotten and the seeker is alone. Maybe you are content and no longer seeking, or more likely, feeling isolated and lonely. Fundamentally, the picture reminds us that we are self-absorbed. No one else matters. We live totally in our own minds. But good company [satsang] is vital in spiritual life. Join with or form a sangha—a group of like-minded friends with whom you can share your practice and experiences.

Picture 8

Faith and trust carry us on and reaching the next stage, Man and Ox both forgotten, we find an empty circle. Zero! No person, no Ox, nothing! Nothing to see but emptiness. However, the circle is enclosed; it is full of space. So, do you view the circle as empty or full? When you attain your true self, the mind is empty yet limitless.

Picture 9

Returning to the Source may be the answer. Appreciating nature, marvelling at the miracles all around us, things over which we have no control and where we have no say in the matter. A tree blooms, the stream flows. There are birds and fish, and there is no person shown. The options and interpretations are limitless.

Picture 10

Finally, entering the marketplace with open hands. Most often referred to as ‘returning’. Coming back to the marketplace from which we wanted to escape, coming back with empty hands of compassion. Returning with a will to serve and with the ability to love without expecting anything in return. So much so that you can’t stop yourself from doing it. Allowing compassion to flow freely, first toward your own circumstances and then extending it to others.

This is the aim of Zen practice.

At the end, in the last picture, an old man is seen with a young boy. Returning to ordinary life with a different perspective; empty hands; not holding on to anything; life continues but the search has ended. Having gone through the processes described within the pictures, our young boy ages and becomes ageless.

We are not who we thought we were. We are insignificant yet greater than we imagined. We are not alone; we are all in this life together; old and young, rich and poor. Are we really any different from one another? Can we put the insignificant part of us aside and allow the greater part to come forward and be of help to others?

In the start of this article, I gave you only half of the story ‘What is the Way’. I end by giving you the final lines: “What about you: do you see it?”, the monk asked. “So long as you see double, saying I don’t and you do, and so on, your eyes are clouded,” said the master, to which the monk asked, “When there is neither ‘I’ nor ‘You’, can one see it?” The master replied, “When there is neither ‘I’ nor ‘You’, who is the one that wants to see it?”

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Perhaps you have a practice that helps you bring some sense and balance to your life—such as yoga, meditation, chanting. But this is confined to a specific time. Once you step out of the yoga class or conclude your meditation for the day, the marathon of your thoughts begins again. Indeed, one cannot be meditating or practising yoga asanas all day. However, the home and workplace itself provides us with ample opportunities to be ‘mindful.’

For many of us, daily chores become an opportunity to think about other things while doing them. We’re so accustomed to doing these activities that we no longer need to be aware while doing them. So the key is to bring mindfulness to the most basic things that you do.

Once you step out of the yoga class or conclude your meditation for the day, the marathon of your thoughts begins again

As you wake-up

When you start the day with brushing your teeth, pay attention! How does the toothpaste taste? What temperature is the water? What sensations are you experiencing in your mouth? Notice your body posture; are you tensed over the sink? Experiment each day; with different aspects of your morning. Take those few moments of doing something ordinary and let it become something extraordinary. Even to appreciate the ease with which we do miraculous things like breathing, can assist us to take a short break from the constant chatter of our minds.

Off to the office

If you walk to work, try changing it into a walking meditation. Be sure your back is straight and your shoulders relaxed. Then, as you walk, turn your attention to your breath and notice if your breath is coming from high up in your lungs or from lower down in your abdomen. Good breathing comes from our abdomen. When shoulders are slouched the breath is restricted and the body does not receive enough oxygen. Once you are breathing and walking comfortably, turn your attention to your body. Notice how one foot goes up as the other comes down. Feel the weight of your foot. Walk faster… does your breathing change?

Notice your surroundings

What temperature is the air and where do you feel it contacting your body? Can you hear birds singing or is the traffic noise too loud. If traffic is bothersome, consider the people in the cars, also hurriedly rushing around. Maybe try to feel a sense of connection with them; ultimately we are not so different from one another.

Good breathing comes from our abdomen. When shoulders are slouched the breath is restricted and the body does not receive enough oxygen

The working day starts

Depending on your job, there may be many you interact with or only a few. Either way, develop more consideration for your colleagues. Be mindful of how you affect them. Have consideration for others and do not let yourself be too self-absorbed in your own duties. The work place can be a breeding ground for conflicts, politics and misunderstandings. If you usually find yourself reacting immediately, take a moment to recognise that and try a different response. Take a deep breath, notice where the tension is in your body, breath it out; smile! A very easy thus very difficult response; it takes practice.

Zen is very simple and hence a very difficult practice. It begins with watching our breath; nothing more. The practice is to keep coming back to this breath awareness, over and over and over again. It is a life practice. Do not be despondent if it takes time to bring mindfulness into your working day. Try small things; take it one step at a time. Eventually mindfulness will feel natural and ‘normal.’

If we can observe ourselves with a degree of honesty we can learn to take ourselves less seriously. Some humour in the workplace can help alleviate stressful deadlines. I am not suggesting we laugh about such matters, but perhaps become able to laugh at our reactions to them.

Zen is very simple and hence a very difficult practice. It begins with watching our breath; nothing more

You’re having to deal with a difficult customer or a complaint? Take that deep breath first. Then, as I said earlier, notice where the tension is in your body, breathe it out and smile! Our bodily posture can affect our mind and the state of our mind is reflected in our body posture. Stay alert to both. What you are aiming for is to stay calm and balanced.

Attention to work aids can be the most helpful tool. If your desk is cluttered and you can never find what you want when you want it, re-organise it. Being able to instantly reach for a report or a pen when you need it helps the mind remain calm and balanced. All easier said than done I know, but take heart; here’s a famous Zen story that will reassure you.

Zen students are with their masters at least 10 years before they presume to teach others.

Nan-in was visited by Tenno, who, having passed his apprenticeship had become a teacher. The day happened to be rainy, so Tenno wore wooden clogs and carried an umbrella. After greeting him Nan-in remarked: “I suppose you left your wooden clogs in the vestibule. I want to know if your umbrella is on the right or left side of the clogs.” Tenno, confused, could not immediately answer. He realised that he was unable to carry his Zen every minute. He became Nan-in’s pupil, and he studied six more years to accomplish his every-minute Zen.

Make time for silence

Something else you may like to consider is having a period of silence in your working day. If you have group tea breaks, ask your colleagues if they would like to see how it feels to have that time in silence. Initially this is difficult for many people as we are so used to making ‘chitchat’ to fill up silence. View it as a time to re-balance, to silently watch your breath while allowing your mind to settle down too. In the long run this helps improve our concentration and creativity. In a still mind, ideas can more readily surface. Lunch time is also an ideal time to utilise mindfulness. Eat in silence and as you eat, taste each mouthful; distinguish different flavours and become aware of chewing and swallowing your food. Enjoy it!

Mindfulness and bodily awareness are tools that you can use anywhere to regain a sense of calm and balance. The beauty is that no one even knows you are employing this technique unless you want them too.

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Zen has no goal, other than to be present for life, it teaches us to show up for the real thing—the actual experience, devoid of embellishments. Being present means fewer accidents, more engagement, and a real life as opposed to an imagined one.

Here are some ideas for you, on ways to live a simple Zen life.

Meditate

Buddhism changed drastically when it got to Japan. Zen master Dogen—founder of the Soto school—got his hands on it, and declared, “Shikantaza!” In other words, there is no need to search for enlightenment—it’s right here, right now—and best “felt” through zazen [seated meditation.]

So, the key to Zen living is carving out 20 minutes a day [or more] to just sit. We do not sit to accomplish something, nor are we merely putting in time. We sit, and in the sitting, find the present moment.

It’s not even about clearing your mind, because then having a clear mind becomes the goal. Rather, just sit, breathe, and watch yourself. Thoughts will arise, and if you let them be, they’ll drift along like clouds. If you latch on, you’ll drift into imagining. Then, as you notice, come back to just sitting.

Sit with a sense to challenge yourself. The only thing you have to work with is your life—or more specifically, the issues you confront. Have an intent to be ‘right here’ for all of it.

Zen living: Breathe, observe, drop the need to label or judge—just see each thing as one more thing—one more way to bring yourself into the Now.

Free your mind

Letting go of your mind’s dominance is the most difficult part of the Zen pathless path. The mind is sticky and slippery, and much of what it does is about maintaining the story you tell yourself.

Stories are the currency of the mind. We think we know who we are, and believe our own press releases about how the world is. Yet, there is nothing true about any of the stories you tell yourself. Out of all of it—out of everything that has happened—we choose specific scenes, string them together, and call the result “my life.” These story-selections are nothing other than what you’ve chosen to believe to support your preconceived notions.

Zen living: Know that things are as they are, until they aren’t. Freeing your mind really means freeing yourself from your mind’s grip. Life is as it is, and telling yourself stories about how really bad it all is, does nothing to help you deal with reality. As you let go of the story-telling, you simply make choices, act, and evaluate, then act again. Once your mind is freed to be present with “what is,” the rest just follows.

As you bring yourself, again and again, into presence, you see that mostly there is not much going on, and precious little to do, other than to just be there for your life. The drama falls away, and in its place is time—time to fully engage with life.

Take time to experience

Stepping back from the mind’s chatter can be quite disconcerting. Without all of that distracting noise, what’s left is sensation—the flow of Qi, the life-force. This can be anything from startling or scary to boring or interesting.

As you meditate, you open yourself to the endless flow of sensation. You suddenly hear, and see, and feel, and in this process, you come into the actual experience of yourself. Now, most of the time, your mind will pop in and start judging, labelling, or complaining. “Here’s what you ought to be doing, feeling, thinking!” And away you go [again] from the experience to the mental games.

Zen living: Use your breath to bring yourself back into your body as you feel and hear and see. Experience your feelings completely, and then… wait for it… go with the flow to the next thing.

If you find yourself reluctant to fully immerse yourself into the flow and feel of life, have another breath, and go with that. Soon, your tolerance for being fully alive and fully present will grow. You find yourself immersed in living as opposed to existing solely in your head.

Maintain a single focus

Multitasking is impossible. Watch yourself when you attempt it. What you are actually doing is turning your attention from one thing to another, rapidly. And, because changing your focus takes energy, nothing gets your full attention.

Zen living: Do one thing at a time. Bring your entire focus to what you are doing, and only stop when you reach a predetermined point of completion. Then, fully shift your attention. This is the meaning of the Zen expression, ‘Chop wood, carry water. Distraction is impossible if I am fully engaged with what is in front of me.

Speak only for yourself

Mostly, you use the pronoun “I,” recognising that all I can reliably talk about is what I am thinking, feeling, and doing.

Most people talk at people, and especially when things are wrong. Instead of saying, “You did this, you made me feel …” say “I feel that…” Meditation helps to see that the experience I am having is always and only about me. It’s honest to own what’s up for me.

Zen living: Speak only for yourself, by using “I think…”, “I imagine…”, “The story I’m telling myself…” and the like. Own your experience, and share it, as it’s all you can ever know.

Be grateful

Because of our endless mind-chatter, we view life through the ‘What’s in it for me?’ glasses—taking full credit for what we have, and casting full blame for what we hate. We miss the interconnectedness—how we are all in this together. Drop the ego, drop blaming, and express your gratitude for being a link in the chain of life.

Zen living: Awareness includes noticing that everything and everyone is a part of the same game. I only get to play because of you, and vice versa. For instance, just think of all of the people involved in putting food on your table.

Make no judgements

Our tendency is to judge. Something happens, and we label it as good or bad, right or wrong. We feel righteous in our finger pointing. But without action on our part, nothing changes.

The key is to realise that judgement itself is futile. If I say I believe in equality, for example, the real test is whether I treat everyone equally—and especially in situations that make me uncomfortable.

Zen living: You will label things until you die. But when in situations where you feel tempted to judge, notice and stop your mind for a moment, and then act in keeping with your feelings, interpretations, and intentions.

Most people say, “Isn’t it awful” and do nothing. Instead, say, “It is what it is,” then act to change what’s happening.

Be non-attached

Attachments are silly. They are based on the idea that you can grasp someone or something, and by the act of grasping, keep it the same, or ‘just keep it.’ We live with a belief that if all is going well, then the fantasy shouldn’t end. Guess what? It had already ended, and had to end, because nothing is static—all is in motion—all is change.

Zen living: Let go. Hold everything loosely. As you start to cling, have a breath and let go. It’s like trying to grasp the water of a fast-flowing stream, it’s impossible. And besides, attachments cause us to miss what’s happening right in front of us!

Don’t do it, be it

Zen living and being is not a new skill set to show-off. If you can’t figure out how to make time to meditate, I suggest think of your entire life as meditation. Different focus, different direction. Rather than having something more to do, Zen living becomes life itself.

Zen living: Live your life as an action that encompasses your entire being and essence. This is tricky, but it’s about a full, purposeful commitment to a way of being that includes thought, feeling and action. Take the other points, above, and see them as focusing points—ideas about what such being might look like, as you enact yourself in the here and now.

The post Living Zen: 9 ideas to help you ease into the Zen way of being appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Susie and Charlie have brains that are wired differently. The introvert prefers his internal theatre, and judicious doses of external stimulus, carefully chosen. Hence, he has fewer friends, prefers smaller crowds, and tends to gravitate to the periphery of a party.

The extrovert finds little stimulation internally, and craves much external variety and excitement. They are hence gregarious, prefer larger crowds, and tend to be in the centre of the action.

Both states are personal preferences, and have to do with levels of brain stimulation.

• The cortex of an introvert is naturally highly stimulated. So, excessive external stimulation may lead to overload.
• The extrovert, on the other hand, is naturally less cortically stimulated, and so seeks external stimulation to add to what is missing.

There is a certain balance in the behaviour and desires of both extroverts and introverts. They are both seeking the same thing—an acceptable, balanced level of cortical stimulation. Nothing is broken, nothing to fix. How Zen!

The problem comes when we judge a person’s preference to be ‘wrong’ or in need of fixing just because they act differently from us. That’s one of the reasons why people sometimes end up dating their opposites and end up clashing.

Charlie, the introvert, is sitting around one day, deeply immersed in a project. He has a thought, “Hmm. My friend Susie, the extrovert, says I spend too much time by myself, and there are moments when I wish I was more social.” If Charlie was wise, he’d find a therapist and have a look at how to open himself to more experiences. But Charlie isn’t wise. So, he calls up Susie and asks her out on a date. She agrees, because:

1. She thinks it might be good to slow down a bit, while…
2. She fixes Charlie.

The model both are using: something’s wrong with the other person and must be fixed. As a result, both will collide repeatedly, over their different preferences. Don’t get me wrong, Susie and Charlie can be friends. But it’s tricky. The only way it can work is if they monitor their cortical stimulation [which will be somewhere between not enough and overload] and find their own point of comfort. When the introvert is getting too much or the extrovert too little, it’s time to call it a night.

Introversion is misunderstood [except by other introverts]

• Introversion is often mistaken for shyness. But it’s not the same. Shyness is a label for the anxiety felt when thinking about interacting with others. Introverts are not anxious. They simply prefer their own company. Many introverts are excellent public speakers, and willingly engage with the public as teachers or artists. Give them something that interests them, and they’ll gladly explain it, elegantly.
• Introversion is not standoffishness. People who tend towards introversion are not bored with others, nor do they think they are ‘better’ than others. Biologically, the introvert’s cortex is easily stimulated. To avoid overload, introverts limit their connection to the external environment to remain in balance.
• Introverts are interested primarily in their inner experience. While many introverts choose the helping professions such as that of a counsellor, it’s not because they love listening to others go on and on. I’m rather high on the introversion scale. I tell my clients that I do what I do in order to learn about myself. I’m interested in what I’ll come up with in response to my client’s issues. Here’s the thing: the introvert is not reacting to a dread—introverts do not feel a sense of social discomfort. The introvert is acting according to personal [and cortical] preference.

Introversion is not a flaw [neither is extroversion]. It’s a preference. All you need to remember is that introverts are already well stimulated—so you relate the best with them by providing a minimum of drama. And the extrovert? They need more, more, more! Take ‘em dancing! When it comes to preferences, there’s no right, no wrong. Just different. And as the French say… vive la difference [long live the difference]

This was first published in the May 2012 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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“Before enlightenment
Chopping wood, Carrying Water
After enlightenment
Chopping wood, Carrying Water”
— Zen proverb

This is one ancient adage I absolutely love. It is profound, precise and relevant even today.

It is a great source of personal comfort because it tells me that becoming enlightened or awakened is a realization, not an achievement. And it’s strictly private too.

Enlightenment Isn’t Extraordinary

We are surrounded by all kinds of concepts portraying enlightenment as if it was some scarce and precious item that can only be “purchased” by spending time and effort—not to mention other resources.

“Jet age” gurus fashionably proclaim that they have achieved awakening after a period of great search and struggle. What is amusing is many of these gurus would like us to believe that enlightenment is reserved for a select few.

They also significantly alter their appearance and lifestyle, thereby giving the impression that enlightenment transforms an individual completely. And then, they promise to show you the path but add conditions and prescribe many impracticable rules.

Naturally then, most unsuspecting folk come to believe that becoming enlightened is some extraordinary phenomenon that is out of reach for “ordinary” people—it requires giving up daily life and everything associated with it. This idea of enlightenment makes them feel inferior.

What Enlightenment Really Means

If you, like many, have fallen for the idea that spiritual awakening is reserved for a chosen few and requires one to go to the Himalayas and spend years meditating, it’s time to open your eyes.

Allow me to share what I have come to understand:

1. Enlightenment, at best, refers to ‘awakening’ or awareness of being aware. And such awareness isn’t knowledge or wisdom that can be transferred from one to another. If anyone promises to make you enlightened, take my advice and run from there. For, a real guru will direct you to look within for guidance and inspiration, and will leave you alone when you are ready.
2. Becoming enlightened is not reserved for a select few. It is available to everyone, no matter who you are and what you do for a living.
3. Enlightenment is free of rules and encumbrances and requires nothing of you on the outside, least of all giving up your present lifestyle.
4. Ancient Zen and Buddhist teachings indicate that enlightenment is silent and inconspicuous. It cannot be defined or described—it is an inner phenomenon that can only be experienced, not understood or expressed. In fact, even the word enlightenment is a burden because it points to an idea that doesn’t exist tangibly.
5. Lastly, enlightenment transforms an individual—but the change happens within, not without. On the outside, your life goes on as before, such that no one else may even sense the change. Like Thich Nhat Hanh says, “There is no enlightenment outside of daily life.”

So, continue to chop, carry, sell, buy, repair, cook, manage, relate—do all that you would in your routine life—on your way to enlightenment. And when you awaken, you will realize that the world is the same—it is you who has changed.

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