The problem with such an idea is that most people often mistake solitude for loneliness and do not really understand what it entails, and why it should not be considered as a bad thing. So what is solitude then?

Understanding solitude

The Merriam Webster dictionary defines it as “a state or situation in which you are alone usually because you want to be”. The end of this sentence is the most important part: solitude is a conscious decision, a self-imposed temporary exile from the dizzying speed of the modern world. It means deliberately turning your back on outside stimuli in order to get some well-deserved “me” time.

Trying to avoid solitude at any cost is one of the most common pitfalls in life, and actually does more harm than good.

Why solitude is good for your wellbeing

When you have the entire world at your fingertips through a mouse click on your computer or an app on your phone, you are never truly alone unless you make a conscious decision to take some time out and deliberately ignore the constant stream of information and notifications that can turn your life into a wild dance of unbearable rhythm.

Any time spent in solitude is a fertile soil for introspection, to think about life-defining decisions, or simply to evacuate excessive amounts of stress. When you are alone with yourself you become the centre of your own universe, standing in a thick bubble that keeps you away from outside stimuli. Most people already do it instinctively from time to time. We have all had moments where we cancelled a night out or a scheduled appointment for no apparent reason, just because it did not feel right.

But while we all sometimes feel the urge to take a step back, if you are not really conscious of what you are doing and why, you might miss out on some of the most positive benefits you could draw from such an experience, which then turns into nothing more than a delaying tactic against the assaults of your everyday life.

Once you have learned to recognise this craving for solitude for what it is, it is surprisingly easy to put that time to good use and turn it into an essential and extremely beneficial way of life. Self-awareness of the process you are going through can do wonders for your physical and mental health.

The vital role of meditation

Meditation might be one of the best ways to use that alone time to recenter yourself and restore the balance that went off-track. Move to a room with as much space as possible, lock all the doors and dim the lights, put on some relaxing music, and just let yourself go. Try to clear your mind of any thought, it might be hard at first but practice will make it easier in time. Imagine that every stray thought is an intruder, like a door-to-door salesman ringing the bell on your day off, so just ignore it until it walks away.

When your mind is blank, it turns into an impressively strong battery for your inner energy, restoring your lost potential and putting you back on track with your life. Take as much time as you need. Once you are satisfied with yourself, it is time to open your mind to the outside world again.

This is when meditation should turn into introspection. When your mind is in a blank state and your brain starts sending back thoughts and signals again, try to “catch” every important thought and topic of your life as it comes rushing in. Take a step back from each of them, and try to objectively analyse what is going right, and what is going wrong. Meditation left you overflowing with energy, so it will be easier for you to determine what you could do to improve any situation or dilemma in your life.

Once you recognise your own need for solitude and time spent away from the world, you will also be better prepared for it and will not waste that alone time procrastinating, or letting yourself be drawn by the lure of instant distractions brought by the endless possibilities of the Internet. Try to focus your time on what you actually enjoy doing, watching one of your favorite movies or reading a good book with a warm cup of tea. Try to maximise the benefits that this experience will yield, and you will emerge from your bubble with more confidence and strength than you thought possible.

The benefits of solitude

1. A clear head
2. Body and mind both balanced and at rest
3. A strength that comes from within to help you cope with any stress from the outside world.

These are the main benefits of solitude once you have learned how to see it and use it as a tool and ally rather than another obstacle in your path. Solitude is not the same thing as loneliness, and in a world that keeps changing and evolving faster and faster, where it is so easy to feel lost in a crowd, even when you are surrounded with friends and loved ones, it is a life preserver that can prevent you from drowning in a world of overwhelming information.

People who spend every single moment interacting with friends, colleagues, and family can sometimes be some of the loneliest people in the world. Do not let torrents of information and stimuli make you lose your sense of self. Loneliness and stress can be overcome simply by embracing your primal and very human need for solitude. Make the most of it, and even when you are alone you will never be lonely.

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Surrender means you stop fighting and start floating

You swim in water—you go to the river and swim. What do you do? You trust the water. A good swimmer trusts so much that he almost becomes one with the river. He is not fighting, he does not grab the water, he is not stiff and tense. If you are stiff and tense you will drown; if you are relaxed the river takes care. That’s why whenever somebody dies, the dead body floats on the water.

This is a miracle. Amazing! The alive person died and was drowned by the river, and the dead person simply floats on the surface. What has happened? The dead person knows some secret about the river which the alive person did not know. The alive person was fighting. The river was the enemy. He was afraid, he could not trust. But the dead person, not being there, how could he fight? The dead person is totally relaxed with no tension—so the body floats. The river takes care. No river can drown a dead person.

Trust means you are not fighting; surrender means you don’t think of life as the enemy but as the friend. Once you trust the river, suddenly you start enjoying. Tremendous delight arises: splashing, swimming, or just floating, or diving deep. But you are not separate from the river, you merge, you become one.

Surrender means to live the same way in life as a good swimmer swims in the river. Life is a river. Either you can fight or you can float; either you can push the river and try to go against the current or you can float with the river and go wherever the river leads you.

Surrender doesn’t need belief in God

Surrender is not towards somebody; it is simply a way of life. A God is not needed to surrender to. There are religions which believe in God and there are religions which don’t, but all religions believe in surrender. So surrender is the real God. Even the concept of God can be discarded. Buddhism does not believe in any God, Jainism does not believe in any God—but they are religions. Christianity believes in God, Islam believes in God, Sikhism believes in God—they are also religions. The Christian teaches surrender to God; God is just an excuse to surrender. It helps, because it will be difficult for you to surrender without any object. The object is just an excuse so that in the name of God you can surrender. Buddhism says simply surrender—there is no God. You relax. It is not a question of some object, it is a question of your own subjectivity. Relax, don’t fight. Accept.

The belief in God is not needed. In fact, the word ‘belief’ is ugly. It does not show trust, it does not show faith—belief is almost the very opposite of faith. The word ‘belief’ comes from a root ‘lief’, which means to desire, to wish. Now let me explain it to you. You say, “I believe that God is compassionate.” What exactly are you saying? You are saying, “I wish there was a God who is compassionate.” Whenever you say, “I believe,” you say, “I intensely desire.” But you don’t know.

Know, don’t believe

If you know, there is no question of belief. Do you believe in the trees here? Do you believe in the sun which arises every morning? Do you believe in the stars? There is no question of belief. You know that the sun is there, that the trees are there. Nobody believes in the sun—if he did, you would say he is mad. If somebody came and said, “I believe in the sun,” and tried to convert you, you would say, “You have gone mad!”

Once you know, what is the point of belief? Belief is in ignorance. If you know, you know. And it is good that if you don’t know, know that you don’t know—the belief can deceive you. The belief can create an atmosphere in your mind, where, without knowing, you start thinking that you know. Belief is not trust, and the more strongly you say that you believe totally, the more you are afraid of the doubt within you.

Trust knows no doubt. Belief is just repressing doubt; it is a desire. When you say, “I believe in God,” you say, “I cannot live without God. It will be too difficult to exist in this darkness, surrounded by death, without a concept of God.” That concept helps. One doesn’t feel alone; one doesn’t feel unprotected, insecure—hence belief.

Trust is simple. It is just like a child trusts in his mother. It is not that he believes—belief has not yet entered. You were a small child once. Did you believe in your mother or did you trust her? The doubt has not arisen, so what is the question of belief? Belief comes only when the doubt has entered; doubt comes first. Later on, to suppress the doubt, you catch hold of a belief. Trust is when doubt disappears; trust is when doubt is not there.

For instance, you breathe. You take a breath in; then you exhale, you breathe out. Are you afraid of breathing out, because who knows, it may not come back? No! You trust. You trust it will come. Of course there is no reason to trust, what is the reason? Why should it come back? You can at the most say that in the past it has been happening so—but that is not a guarantee. It may not happen in the future. If you become afraid of breathing out because it may not come back, then you will hold your breath in. That’s what belief is—clinging, holding. But if you hold your breath in, your face will go purple and you will feel suffocated. And if you go on doing that, you will die.

Surrender is a matter of heart

All beliefs suffocate. They deaden your being. If you exhale, you trust in life. The Buddhist word ‘nirvana’ simply means exhaling, breathing out—trusting. Trust is a very, very innocent phenomenon. Belief is of the head; trust is of the heart. One simply trusts life because you are out of life, you live in life, and you will go back again to the source. There is no fear. You are born, you live, you will die; there is no fear. You will be born again, you will live again, you will die again. The same life that has given you life can always give you more life, so why be afraid? Why cling to beliefs? Beliefs are philosophical; trust has nothing to do with philosophy. Trust simply shows that you know what love is. It is not a concept of God who is sitting somewhere in heaven and manipulating and managing. Trust needs no God, the infinite life, this totality, is more than enough. Once you trust, you relax. That relaxation is surrender.

Courtesy: Osho International Foundation • osho.com

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Are you living life through the pixilated gauze of a computer screen? Are your conversations with others conducted mostly by keyboard? Does your travel consist of looking at photographs in a magazine? Are your adventures played out vicariously on a game console? Are you more familiar with TV characters than your own neighbours?

As ingenious as technology may be, it can’t replace flesh and blood, fresh air, natural sights, sounds, smells, and physical activity. And you need that. More than you think. Constantly living one step removed from reality, you can easily lose touch with it. And fall victim to the stress, anxiety and isolation of physical detachment. You’ve got to get out more. Be with real people, see real things, and experience live events. There’s no substitute.

2. Take a tech holiday

Spend a day unplugged. No cell phones, TVs, computers, video games, DVDs, personal stereos, [and this is tough] PDAs, or other digitally fed distractions. Instead, strive to have face-to-face conversations, read books, take walks, play with the kids, visit friends, or just sit quietly and think. Find out how soothing and restorative it is to be UNconnected once in a while. And how refreshing it is to take a break from our growing dependency on these devices, which are meant to be tools, not ends in themselves. Keep technology in its proper perspective. And your humanity first and foremost.

3. Lose an argument

That’s right, lose an argument. When was the last time you looked someone squarely in the face and said, “You know, you’re right. I’m wrong. Thanks for straightening me out.” Hard to do, isn’t it? We’d sooner cling to a worthless position than admit we’re in error. But a humbling concession now and then is a great relief. Because it removes the onerous pressure of trying to defend a flawless facade. An image that fools no one. And displays weakness rather than character. [Don’t we see it every day in our politicians?] Lose an argument. Show humility. You’ll gain a lot more respect and credibility.

As ingenious as technology may be, it can’t replace flesh and blood, fresh air, natural sights, sounds, smells, and physical activity

4. Spend time near the water

Whether it’s a stroll along the river, eating lunch by a pond in the park, weekending at a scenic lake, or vacationing by the sea… the mere sight and presence of water is a wonderful balm to a stressed-out soul. Let its naturally soothing effects ease your concerns and freshen your outlook. Let its shimmering expanse free you of the narrowed perspective of a frenzied routine. If, like most people, you’re drawn to water, follow those instincts. It’s nature’s very own tranquiliser.

5. Have more fun in bed

So advised a popular mattress ad. And they had a point. You don’t need a study [like the one mentioned below] to tell you that a healthy sex life can reduce stress. As much as a lack of sex can aggravate it. But today, with our busy schedules and relentless ambitions, sex for many couples has become little more than an afterthought. Sometimes overlooked entirely. This is obviously unhealthy for the relationship. Which adds to even greater stress. Now, the study. According to the Royal Hospital in Edinburgh, a healthy sex life can make you look up to seven years younger, lead to greater contentment and help you sleep better. Why argue? Light the candle, draw the shades and…

6. Observe other people under stress

Notice how they rush things. How tense and wound up they can get. How they’re always apologising for falling behind or making mistakes. How they never seem to be in control, bouncing from one thing to the next, leaving loose ends and unfinished business in their wake. That may be YOU! Or where you’re headed.

So study people under stress and think about how they could improve their lives. [We’re always better at critiquing others, aren’t we?] Then apply that counsel to your own life. You can learn a lot about yourself simply by observing others.

Today, with our busy schedules and relentless ambitions, sex for many couples has become little more than an afterthought

7. Don’t put off that difficult phone call

You know you have to make that call. To appease an unhappy client. To confront another with a serious accusation. To solicit a donation from a skinflint. To ask someone out. To discuss a sensitive issue. To turn someone down. It’s not easy to do so. But it has to be done. The longer you wait, the harder it gets. And the more the anxiety builds. So take a breath. Bite the bullet. Make the call. You’ll feel a whole lot better when it’s done.

8. Entertaining is supposed to be fun, remember?

When you throw a dinner party or host a get-together, it’s not an audition, you’re not on trial and your guests aren’t judges and juries. Yet that’s how you might see it—something to fret about, even dread. Which, if you’re worried things won’t go well, will all but assure it. Remember, it’s not about you. It’s about inviting people into your home and making them feel welcome and comfortable. If you’re tense and unsure, that’s what they’ll pick up on. [How many times have you attended a tautly wound event and had a perfectly lousy time?] So make it fun. Be casual, gracious, spontaneous. You’ll be a hit, and so will your party.

9. Don’t be a slave to your image

How much unnecessary stress, excessive work and lost time with loved ones do you incur in the name of how you look to others? Are where you live, what you drive, how you dress, and whom you socialise with, dictated more by what’s best for you and your family… or by the image you want to project? Carefully scrutinise your motives. You may find that a simpler lifestyle within your means might leave you with less of what impresses others… but more of what makes your life easier, happier and more fulfilling.

When you throw a dinner party or host a get-together, it’s not an audition, you’re not on trial and your guests aren’t judges and juries

10. Don’t trust yourself when you’re upset

You’re furious at someone. Flustered by an embarrassing thing you did. Or upset about a serious blunder you made. In that distressed state, you’re unfocussed, distracted, likely to make costly errors and thus compound the misery you’re feeling. In those situations, it’s wise to consciously slow down and proceed with caution, as if navigating a ship through perilous waters. Even better, don’t attempt anything important or complicated until you’ve had a chance to calm and collect yourself. You can’t see clearly when you’re seeing red.

11. Turn off the music once in a while

You don’t always have to have the radio going in the house and car. The constant drone of music, talk and noise can grow monotonous, be distracting, interrupt your thought process, and become a stressful irritant you’re not even aware of. Take a break now and then. Click off the radio and see how naturally relaxing, soothing and refreshing a little quiet can be. And how peaceful it is to hear yourself think.

12. Look beyond appearances to find the good in people

How callously we judge others based solely on superficial qualities! What someone wears, how they talk, where they live, or what they drive has little to do with their underlying goodness and the emotions they feel. But in our rushed and impatient dealings—to our detriment—we hastily slot people into categories and judge them accordingly.

Think of all the people you’re intimate with today you first estimated unfairly, maybe even joked about, based on outward appearances. Imagine what you’d have lost… when you can’t get beyond stereotyping. The easiest way to accept others is to know them, to discover the person inside. You’ll find that inwardly most people share similar beliefs and aspirations. You want others to understand who you are. At least afford them the same courtesy.

Excerpted with permission from 400 Ways To Stop Stress Now by G Gaynor McTigue. Published by Jaico Books

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Something similar happens with my laptop. Often it just ‘hangs’ and  no key I press seems to make it work. But all I have to do is ‘hard boot’ the computer and it starts working as though nothing had ever been the matter!

Do humans need to reboot?

This set me thinking… just like our electronic devices need a complete system reboot once in a while to function optimally, isn’t it the same with us as well? There are times when there is an overload in our lives—of information, emotions and endless chores. And everything seems to keep on piling. Isn’t it inevitable then, that even this inimitable brain of ours is going to just ‘hang’ occasionally?

Indeed, our systems do get overloaded and do ‘hang’. But being such amazing creatures, we work even on a ‘hung’ system. Our mind may be fatigued with the sheer processing it has to do, but we still manage to carry on with our tasks. Our hearts may be overwhelmed with the daily barrage of feelings and emotions, but cover them to face each new day. The abuse we heap on our poor exhausted bodies is beyond description. So driven are we with our tasks, duties, responsibilities and priorities that we carry on with a full load for as much as we can, until our body comes crashing down with a major illness!

The incident with my phone got me thinking… I asked myself, do we need to wait till we reach that stage of exhaustion before we take a break? Does it not make infinitely more sense to simply ‘reboot’ our systems occasionally so that we are ready to face the world ‘as good as new’?

So how does one reboot one’s system?

How do we disengage ourselves from the multiple connections that we make with the world outside? Sure, one can go off for a long holiday or retreat, but that isn’t always possible. So, how do we reboot and recharge?

I was struggling with the ‘how’ for a very long time and could not come up with any ideas. One day, sitting at the airport terminal with my flight delayed by two hours, I had my ‘eureka’ moment. I realised this moment was what I had, and it was up to me how I made the most of it. So instead of opening my laptop and working on that presentation, I decided to just close my eyes and let my thoughts meander. And as I felt my mind unwind, it occurred to me that it wasn’t all that difficult to reboot my system.

Here are some ways in which I have eventually learnt to do it.

Meditate. This is one of the best ways in which you can withdraw from the world and retreat into yourself. There are some people who will tell you that you need to meditate an hour daily, while others will say that meditation is a discipline which must be followed rigidly. Sure, if you can find the space to prioritise an hour’s meditation daily, nothing like it! But most of us, who are slaves to our schedules, cannot! No matter. Whatever time you can devote for meditation, wherever you are, it’s good enough. Just close your eyes, clear your mind, and BREATHE. Even if you can squeeze in 10 minutes of it in your day, it will be a quick reboot for your system. So do it!

Treat yourself to a Spa Day! A good facial, a leisurely pedicure or an aromatherapy treatment not only rejuvenates your body, but also puts you in a relaxed state of mind. It acts like a speed-breaker and slows down the breakneck speed with which you are going ahead with life. If you don’t believe me, just experience the light-heartedness that you feel after a massage or a facial. It is truly uplifting.

Connect to Nature. Mother Earth provides us with all the energy we need to go through life. Just connecting to her is a wonderful way of recharging yourself. Whether it is taking a few minutes to smell the roses on your balcony, or a moonlit walk along the beach, or simply watching the horizon as you travel down the highway to your office is enough. The important thing is to let go of all other thoughts whirling in your mind and connect completely with Nature for those few moments.

Take a day off. Do nothing but laze around. I know, I know, this is hard for most of us. We would rather save that leave for something that might come up later. I have this problem myself, and can tell you from experience. As my husband says, I can never relax or let go. Even on a weekend, I just cannot relax. I will check if something has to be done and if there’s nothing, I start cleaning up! There’s always something to be done
So one day he told me, “Just take a day off! It’s okay if you waste a day!” With much reluctance, I did that. I was amazed at how good I felt at the end of the day. So if possible, prioritise yourself for a change and take a day off. Preferably your holiday on a weekday, when the kids will be at school and your spouse is at work. Just loaf about, browse through magazines, listen to music or watch TV. Do all the things that you normally don’t ‘waste’ your time doing. The amount of good it will do to your mind and your energy levels will be well worth wasting that holiday.

Have a gadget free weekend getaway! When you get that long weekend, take off to a place where you have no mobile connectivity and where your portable internet doesn’t work. Most of us are tied to our gadgets, and invaluable as they are in running our lives optimally, they do have a huge flipside, and that is that they don’t allow us to relax. So for a weekend, leave your electronic extensions behind you, and just relax. Trust me, the world will not come to an end if you decide to take a break!

These are just a few ways I have figured out how I can snatch a few minutes to rejuvenate and recharge myself. Some of these may work for you, some may not. You know best how you can reboot your system and get it ‘good as new’. A rested mind and body will allow you to face life with joy, energy, and enthusiasm. Happy rebooting!

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