Desire, like sex, is something people make themselves uncomfortable over. Many people are scared of their feelings—of what’s going on just under the surface. We tremble a bit—such is the power of our desire.

Epstein describes Buddhism’s ‘right hand path’ as the path of the ascetic — on this path, the solution to life’s drama is renunciation. This is the idea that desire leads to trouble, and the only way to avoid trouble is to repress it, fight it, ignore it, or meditate it to death.

Buddhism’s ‘left-hand path’ is Tantra — on this path, the things our bodies experience become the tools of awakening. Desire becomes the energy for action leading to transformation.

If you think about it, that’s how we actually use the word.

Desire is the feeling that lies in the gap between what we have and what we want. Desire is the emotional or vibrational pull toward change. Desire is the burning drive to bring something new into being.

Desire is dynamic

The problems come when we forget that desire is dynamic. It’s a driving force.

As we desire, we are driven to make, to create, to merge, to enact. In other words, desire at its best causes us to move forward; it empowers new realities.

Things go off the rails when we attempt to possess [cling to] what we desire. To lock it down, own it, marry it, make it “ours”.

The paradox is that desire want us to get turned on enough that we actually do something with our lives, but the feeling of desire is chargy, and therefore addicting. So, rather than acting and moving on, many attempt to maintain the feeling of desire by possessing the “object of desire”. It’s confusing the feeling with the external object.

Clinging is all about trying to freeze something dynamic — trying to make it “hold still.”

Epstein writes:

“But this kind of satisfaction is impossible because the qualities that we project onto the desired object—of permanence, stability or “thingness”—do not really exist… The disparity between the way we perceive things and the way they actually are is at the root of our struggle with desire. Once we learn to make that disparity part of our experience, however, desire can be a teacher rather than an affliction.” [p 69]

Plagued by clinging

Most of the people I work with are plagued by their clinging.

They are looking for the perfect partner. They are looking for the perfect life, the perfect career, the perfect mind-set. But perfect is a static list of characteristics, and ignores the dynamic nature of life.

My clients tell me they want to be happy. As if there is a permanent state called happiness that someone, with effort, could cling to all the time, despite the reality that all of life is change.

I want to loosen their fingers from the death-grip they have on the object[s] of their desire, so that they can accept the paradox of their desire—you can never hold on to anything, including your illusions.

Buddha on desires

The Buddha said, in the first of the Four Noble Ideas, that “life is dukkha.” Epstein writes that the Sanskrit dukkha, [the word usually translated suffering] actually means something closer to “pervasive unsatisfactoriness.”

An example of dukkha is a potter’s wheel that is off-balance, and therefore always squeaks, annoyingly. Neat, eh? When you are miserable, isn’t that what life feels like? It’s not quite right, annoying, irritating, anger-provoking.

And then, the Buddha said [The Second Noble Idea] that the cause of dukkha was attachment to desire, which is better defined as grasping or clinging to desire. Thus, it is not the desire—the feeling—that gets us. It’s our endless demands for more of what we want, less of what we don’t want. It’s our ignorance—our clinging to our confused mental picture of the object of our desire.

This confusion is captured in the song title, “Hooked on a Feeling.” [B J THOMAS]

Note the lyric, “I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me.” The person is hooked on the feeling of believing, and none of that is external—it’s not about the other person. It’s a mind game—the writer is turned on by his own feelings!

Why suffering happens

Suffering happens as we try to freeze reality.

We feel the heat of desire and passion, and addict ourselves to the feeling. We look at the object of our desire [person, place, or thing] and instead of interacting with “the dynamic reality,” we go into our heads and create a story.

Our suffering comes from our attachment to our stories—our fixation with how we think things ought to be.

We then attempt to make the other person into the thing that we desire—into our very own “it.” We turn a dynamic person, for example, into a category, like “My husband” or “My wife.” We then fixate on our story about “how a wife ought to be” [for example] and make ourselves miserable when the “object of our desire” doesn’t match the fixed story.

People do this to avoid the hard work of relating to an ever-changing reality. And they despair [or change partners] when they realise the futility of this form of clinging, which doesn’t stop them from playing the same game with the next desirable object! The only way out is to find a way to stop clinging.

The Two Paths

The ‘right hand path’ suggests dealing with this tension and pain by rejecting or renouncing desire.

The ‘left hand path,’ being open to desire, is to accept it, respect it, and use it to work with the reality of dynamic living.

Passion, without grasping, is a way to open ourselves to encountering the other person as a real, dynamic human being.

This type of relating is an internal decision to

• be passionately engaged in an exploration of the gap that exists between myself and another.
• explore the gap between another and my perception of another.
• acknowledge that I can only know “of” another—and that my knowing is more about me than about another.

So, how do we open up to desire, after all?

Oddly, it’s as simple as acceptance. I accept that nothing stays the same, and that there is always a gap [and therefore a tension] between what is and what I desire. I use this tension to relax into being comfortable with my discomfort.

As I find the comfort of desire, as opposed to the pain of clinging, I can choose, moment by moment, to be in an intimate, flowing relationship with all of life.

Meditate on this: I am who I am, and my desire is a part of that. If I observe my desire as opposed to clinging to it, the desire will lead me to notice what I am doing, and allow me to step away from clinging to simply ‘being in the moment.’

Life is an endless tension between what is and what we desire. That is the nature of life.

The way to work with the tension is to simply be present with it in a non-grasping way.

Once I see that life is as it is, I can learn to be in my life, as opposed to trying and failing endlessly, to fix it.

Once I stop playing god, in other words, I can simply be me.

Like I have another choice…

The post Understanding and opening up to desire appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

I usually focused my attention on the length of the transfer zone, where I would smoothly receive and hand off the baton but this time the coach’s words filled my thoughts. I turned and faced the start line. A loud CRACK from the starter’s pistol and they were off. As the sprinters pounded toward me, one thought repeated in my head: “DON’T DROP THE BATON.”

52 seconds later, our fastest runner streaked across the finish line; dead last. I had dropped the baton.

What went wrong?

We had raced as a team for two years and not once in the hundreds of practices and competitions had I dropped the baton. What had gone wrong this time? Had the coach inadvertently planted the thought in my mind? Would the result have been different if his final instructions were “most of all, pass the baton smoothly and safely”?

I had fallen victim to one of the most fundamental laws of the universe: What you think about most, becomes your reality. It is as certain as the law of gravity.

How affirmations work

Affirmations are verbal declarations, which have a powerful effect on our conscious and subconscious minds and ultimately our actions. They must NEVER be stated in the negative. We must choose our words carefully. Psychologists, neuroscientists and metaphysicians all agree that the subconscious cannot understand or acknowledge a negative. The affirmation, “I don’t [negative] want to be fat” is heard by the subconscious as, “I want to be fat.” We cannot help focusing on the word fat. The positive alternative, “I want to be slim” would be much more beneficial.

Don’t believe me? Close your eyes and repeat this statement three times. “I am not afraid.” Open your eyes. Which word stands out? We cannot help it; even though afraid is what we do not want to be, it is certainly the dominant word our mind focuses on. Now try repeating, “I feel safe.” Notice the difference? What we think and focus on the most becomes our reality. This is true in any aspect of life.

Archimedes formulated the principle of flotation in 200 BC. But Dr Wayne Dyer rightly observed, “The law of flotation was not discovered by contemplating the sinking of things.”

Success follows your dominant thoughts

I have read biographies of many great achievers. They all share a single trait—their thoughts, and thus their actions, are dominated by what they want to achieve. How they might achieve it is secondary. Since they keep thinking about succeeding most, success becomes their reality.

I spend a great deal of time in group homes and institutions talking to seniors. “What is your purpose, your goal, your dream, your worthy cause?” I ask. Sadly, many say they have none. Then I ask, “Well what is important to you, what do you want in life?” More silence. “OK, tell me what you don’t want in life?” Within seconds the responses pour out.

“I don’t want to be sick.”
“I don’t want to be poor.”
“I don’t want to be lonely.”
“I don’t want to be fat.”
“I don’t want to die.”
“I don’t want to die alone.”
“I don’t want to be senile.”

The sad truth is, most people are much better at telling you what they don’t want in life than at telling what they do want in life. What they focus on and think about most is what they don’t want and that becomes their reality.

Can we think your way to sickness? You bet!

Does this hold true for our health? Certainly. Our brain controls every part of our body. The science of biofeedback has conclusively proven that thoughts have the power to control the physical states of our bodies. We can raise or lower our temperature, change our heart rate and blood pressure, and direct blood to different body parts all by our thoughts alone.

Our thoughts can also have devastating effects on our health. The most destructive and toxic element unleashed on the human body is stress. Where does it come from? It’s not a bacterium, a virus, an amoeba, a fungus or mould. Nor is it a burn, trauma or pressure injury. We cannot see it, touch it, cut it, isolate it, weigh it, grow it, inoculate against it or transmit it to another person. It exists only in the mind, but its devastating effects are felt in every physical system of the body.

Stress is produced by what we think of most. Our stressful thoughts manifest themselves in the physical plane and show up in every organ and system.

Most people pay little or no attention to their health until something goes wrong. When the episode passes and the body heals, they often go back to their old habits, thoughts and lifestyles until the next time their body’s defence systems get overwhelmed again. Some, however, heed the warning and start considering and practising disease prevention.

Although this seems like a positive step in the right direction, it can be greatly improved. The problem is we are still focused on disease, even though it is the prevention of disease.

A far more successful strategy would be to focus on wellness. This is not simply semantics. Dominating thoughts of wellness can only lead to wellness.

What are you focussing on?

Do you think any great general in history ever won a battle by focusing on how not to lose?

If your sole goal in life is to accumulate great wealth [I feel sorry for you if it is], do you think there is any chance of attaining it by focusing on how not to be poor. Does the circus performer say to himself, “Don’t fall,” as he steps onto the high wire? Will you ever find love by filling your mind with thoughts of how not to be lonely?

What you think about most becomes your reality. Do not be against illness; rather direct your thoughts toward complete and total wellness and it will become your reality. You possess the power. It’s all in your head.

The post What you think about most becomes your reality appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

During a senior management meeting of a multinational corporation, the executives were encouraged to ask questions and share their views. Akhilesh Kumar, the head of supply chain, raised his hand and volunteered to share some of his views on various aspects that were discussed in the meeting.

After the meeting, Akhilesh went to meet Manav Behl, the CEO, and asked him what he thought of his comments and whether it was appropriate of him to have raised them in the forum. Manav told him the truth—that although the content of his message was relevant and his views were valid, the way he had conveyed them was a little negative. Akhilesh didn’t take kindly to this feedback and told Manav that henceforth he will simply keep his opinions to himself because it seems that the management didn’t really care about his viewpoint.

Most of us prefer to avoid reality, much less seek it proactively. How often, instead of welcoming insight about ourselves, we treat it as a reason to feel offended? Rather than viewing it as an opportunity to look within and see if we need to change something about our attitude or behaviour, we consider negative feedback as criticism that is best avoided. Many a relationship—personal and professional—go sour due to such poor response to sincere feedback. On the other hand, positive feedback too is viewed either suspiciously or not given much importance because we prefer to live in the bubble of perceptions we have created for ourselves.

But not actively seeking and receiving feedback constructively keeps us from those truths about ourselves which only others can see and point out. And unless we see ourselves—our strengths, our weaknesses—without bias, we will not be happy.

In this month’s lead story, a clinical psychologist tells you why proactively seeking reality can help you expand your awareness about yourself, others and your world. Dr Henry Cloud, best-selling author and acclaimed leadership expert, tells us that armed with this heightened awareness, we can improve all aspects of our lives. Using examples of real people, he illustrates how seeking honest feedback from others is the key to success and happiness. “The good ones want to know the reality of who they are and are in tune with the fact that we do not see ourselves accurately. They ‘seek’ out this knowledge in a variety of ways,” says Dr Cloud as he explains that integrity is all about wanting to know the truth, no matter what the cost.

I find Dr Cloud’s ideas thought provoking; they have made me reflect on my attitude towards the feedback that I receive from others. Also, I have begun to see tremendous value in actively seeking out reality as I am sure you will too, once you finish reading the cover story.

I encourage you to put what you’ve learned into practice right away, like I am doing now by urging you to send me an honest feedback about how we’re doing at Complete Wellbeing and how we can improve. I’ll be grateful for your efforts and your insights.

Write to me directly at ma**********@***************ng.com

The post April 2016 issue: Seeking reality appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

It is as if there is a bubble around each of us. Some of the information coming through this bubble is filtered to the surface and presented to our conscious attention to be noticed. The rest does not register consciously, but travels through the bubble and is stored at deeper levels of our consciousness. Our ideas, beliefs, desires, and feelings colour the bubble filtering our perceptions; so much so that people with different bubbles looking at the same thing can have totally different perceptions of what they are watching.

Purple bubble

A person in a red bubble, for example, will see the world as red, while a person in a blue bubble will see it as blue, and we can imagine the conversation between these two discussing the colour of the world. From a certain point of view, they are both correct about what they report, and all of their perceptions affirm their truth. Yet from another point of view, perhaps neither perception represents objective reality. Perhaps the world is neither red nor blue. All that we know to be true for sure is that one person sees it as red and another as blue, so we have a sense of the nature of each of the bubbles, each of the filters. In this way, we have a basis for communication and exchange of ideas.

While we each may see the same events in the outer world, our respective bubbles colour our interpretation of these events. Looking at our interpretation can give us an idea of the nature of our own beliefs and perceptions, since it is these that ‘colour’ our bubbles. Someone believing that competition and conflict are universal will see only that, while someone else may just as clearly see that the world is full of people motivated by love and expressing it, and sometimes reacting to the perception that it is not there.

Creating our own reality

It is easy to see how our perceptions can then predispose us to acting in certain ways that not only play into the apparent scenario we perceive, but actually create and continue it. A man insecure about his lover, for example, can actually drive away that lover with his insecurities, justifying his perceptions, proving that he was right, yet at the same time, having created the scenario in the first place.

There’s a story about a man whose car had a flat tyre, not far from a farmhouse in a remote farming community. The man thought, “There’s a farmhouse. I’m sure that they have tools that I can use to fix the flat tyre.”

As he walked toward the farmhouse, he thought, “It will be really helpful to me to use those tools. I can be generous, and give the farmer 10 dollars to use the tools. I’m sure he will appreciate that.”

As he walked farther, he thought, “This is really remote, and we’re far from any other civilisation. If that farmer wanted to charge me 25 dollars to use his tools, I would have to pay it.”

Farther along, he thought, angrily, “We’re really deserted here. If that farmer wanted to charge me 50 dollars to use his tools, I would have no choice but to pay it!”

By the time he reached the farmhouse, knocking on the door, he was really furious, and as the farmer opened the door, the man yelled at the farmer, “So, how much are you going to charge me to use your tools, you thief?”

So we can see how the man, predisposed to acting in certain ways, not only played into the apparent scenario he perceived, but actually created it.

Fulfilling desires

When we talk about our perceptions creating our reality, we are talking not only of our perceptual filters, but also the way things happen. This means that even apparently physical cause-and-effect relationships are different in different realities, in different paradigms.

For example, those wanting to become thinner may believe that to do so, they must be aware of the calories they take in with their food compared to the calories they burn through their activities. If they take in more calories than they burn, they will put on weight, and if they burn more calories than they take in, they will become thinner. One way to become thinner, then, is to eat foods that provide fewer calories than is needed to consume them. Grapefruit is such a food. Within this reality, then, if we eat grapefruit, we can expect to become thinner.

Within a different reality, calories have little to do with weight, since calories are consumed immediately. We must be aware of carbohydrates since they are stored in the body as fat. If we want to become thinner, we must reduce our intake of carbohydrates. Since grapefruit, like all fruit, contains carbohydrates, within this reality, if we eat a lot of grapefruit, we will put on weight!

Both realities are true, and people believing in each reality can easily prove that they are both right. One reality does not preclude the other. One does not have to be wrong for the other to be right. Both are right, and yet things happen in different ways within each reality.

What will happen when you eat a grapefruit? Will you put on weight, or will you become thinner?

First, it depends on what you believe will happen when you eat the grapefruit. If you believe you will put on weight, you will. If you believe you will become thinner, you will. If you really don’t know what will happen, you must eat the grapefruit to find out.

Then you can identify with one reality or the other and know what is true for you. At the same time, you can now know that something else may be true for another person.

Whatever you believe to be true is true—for you!

Where do your beliefs come from?

When you are presented with another person’s beliefs, you are free to accept them or reject them. If you choose to accept somebody else’s beliefs as true for you as well, you then adopt them as yours. You can decide for yourself that since an expert says so, it must be true that eating grapefruit makes you thin. Or fat. As you decide.

Another way to create a belief in your own consciousness is to define it from the way you have interpreted your own experiences. You might start with no idea of what is true for you and no idea what to believe. You begin with an experience: you eat the grapefruit, not knowing what might happen.

Next, you examine the effects of the experience. You interpret your experience in a certain way, describing it to yourself with certain words. In doing so, you create a certain belief. You decide, for example, “Eating grapefruit makes me thin, because when I ate a lot of grapefruit, I became thinner.”

The words that you use to describe your experience create your beliefs, and therefore your reality.

After your experiences have defined your beliefs, your beliefs define and create your experience, so that you will discover that whatever you believe to be true is true for you. You will attract to yourself, and will have more of a tendency to notice, those experiences that affirm your truth.

Thus, someone believing something different can have something different that is true for them. Also, by changing your beliefs, you can change the way things happen within your paradigm, within your reality. Thus, if something has been not working optimally for you, by exploring different beliefs, you can discover a way to have things work for you in a different way, the way you would like them to. You can find a way to achieve what you want.

Breaking the ‘laws’ of science

Within a reality of the physical sciences, a person might be told that they have a grave illness for which nothing can be done. Within this reality, if nothing changes, they will certainly die. If they choose to explore alternative realities in which there is a way out of their condition, there is a chance that they can continue to live, in health and harmony.

When the healing happens, it may happen in a way that seems to suspend or violate certain physical laws of chemistry, biology, or physics. These laws, though, are not absolute dictates, but just attempts to predict behaviour on the basis of past experience and empirical data. They are considered laws only until something happens that makes it necessary to consider additional factors, and modify these laws.

For example, if you throw something into the air, it comes down. No matter how many times you repeat the process, the result is the same. You can decide, as a law, that “What goes up must come down.” This happens until you throw something with such force that it escapes the earth’s gravity, and you are obliged to change the laws to consider other factors.

When we look at the paradigm of healing, even though it may seem that we are breaking the ‘laws’ of biology, chemistry, and physics, no laws are actually being violated. It’s just that other laws are being obeyed, since things happen in different ways within different realities.

Accepting alternative realities

Healing is presented, then, as an alternative bubble to the reality of the traditional medical sciences. Any bubble can be presented and look as if it is the only reality that exists. If we release the idea that there is only one reality, we can then consider alternative realities that can exist either alone or in combination with other realities.

Some people choose to combine the different realities, taking elements of each that work best for them. Others, who have been told by the traditional sciences that nothing can be done for them, might prefer to dedicate themselves totally to the alternative paradigms.

What is of primary importance is doing what works best for you, and not rejecting any idea or method that may help you in some way.

Within this reality, we hold the perception that anything can be healed.

The post How Anything Can Be Healed appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Spiritual materialism is particularly insidious, because it’s pretty common to think that devoting oneself to a set of spiritual principles, or to a particular religious understanding, ‘ought to’ lead somewhere.

Myth: Spiritual Materialism is about getting something—some reward

I was on Facebook today, and saw a graphic go by. It read, “I am Buddhist. I am proud to say that. LIKE if you agree—and SHARE if you’re proud of it!” I almost did. But then I slowed down, and asked myself, “What’s going on inside me about this?” I realised that my reason for ‘clicking’ would be for gaining attention. There was no other reason I could come up with. I remembered that my practice, in and of itself, is enough.

My wife Darbella and I taught meditation to injured workers. They too wanted to know why we thought meditation, yoga, Qi Gong, and Zen living would help with their pain. Some of the workers did the exercises, and low and behold, their pain levels were reduced. Or, perhaps, their attention had shifted off of 24/7 focus on their pain. So, that’s a ‘reward’, right? They got something for their efforts, right?

Yes and no.

There is no question that the things we engage in ‘get us stuff.’ Our employment gets us money, which gets us stuff. Our belief systems provide a perspective for being in the world—and the recognition of our peers. And meditation certainly did help our students with their pain.

The problem with materialism, though, is that it’s actually an attempt to escape from the reality of living. You see, in all cases, the real issue is suffering, or better put, the choice to suffer.

Materialism says, “If I stack up enough stuff—possessions, degrees, time spent doing my spiritual practice—I’ll shield myself from pain, loss, and nothingness.

Or, to go back to the Facebook illustration, if I’m “proud” enough, I’ll get noticed.

The true gift of a practice is that one gains the balance necessary to work with the suffering of living

We don’t like the idea that the things we commit to, or own, or do, don’t add up to some benefit. We think: “If I’m really good, God [universe, source—pick your favourite] will bless me, reward me.”

And if stuff isn’t showing up, someone will sell you on a future reward—paradise or heaven, streets paved with virgins—to munge a few popular rewards together.

Since spiritual materialism is silly, is there an answer to why one might nevertheless walk a spiritual path?

Again, yes, and no.

Yes: the perspectives, practices, and the effort itself help to prepare us for actual living. In my own case, my practice helps me to maintain a certain steadiness when [not if] things go ‘off the rails.’

This is the point Trungpa Rinpoche was making—spiritual materialism is an attempt to escape from the inescapable. None of us live a crisis-free life, and if by some fluke we did, well, no one has gotten out of here alive. As the Buddha noted, we, at the least, will die, and most will confront illness and old age.

The true gift of a practice is that one gains the balance necessary to work with the suffering of living, and to sit patiently with whatever is occurring.

For example, our injured workers discovered that if they brought their attention to their breath, their pain seemed to recede. And when the pain came back [!] they did not whine about it—they focussed again on their breath.

None of us live a crisis-free life, and if by some fluke we did, well, no one has gotten out of here alive

The ‘No’ is the point of this article

Don’t waste your time with this article if you still believe that anything can buy you a pass from the reality of living.

Nothing can, nothing does. Your beliefs really don’t matter—what you choose to do with your life does. Your spiritual practices don’t matter—they are just tools for staying present and available as life does what it does. And that pile of stuff you’re accumulating to insulate yourself from life? It all goes to your relatives.

This is why I didn’t ‘like or share’ that Facebook post. I’m not proud of my spiritual practice. I don’t need to ‘honk if I love Jesus or Muhammad or Buddha.’ I don’t need the dubious pleasure of belonging to the ‘Zen club.’

I do, however, find something as I sit, as I remain present. It’s just not a reward!

The ‘spiritual’ games we play and fool ourselves

I once worked with a client who I would describe as ‘New Age.’ She liked to believe that she was deeply spiritual. She showed up to me with a problem. Said she: “My affirmations aren’t working, and your job is to fix them.”

Her belief was this: If she constructed the perfect statement, and repeated it religiously, the cosmos or god or some magical system would give her what she asked for, in abundance. She wasn’t getting what she wanted, so she thought the system needed tweaking.

Here’s what she wanted: Her husband was building her an art studio, and she’d fallen in lust with the carpenter. She wanted to have an affair with him [a Spiritual Union, if I remember her language…] AND she wanted his wife and her husband and all their kids to approve and support the relationship. And, alas, no one was noticing and approving!

This is all three of the materialisms, rolled into one. She wanted the guy, she believed she deserved the guy, and she wanted everyone to be proud of her deep spirituality for having found her soulmate.

Now, we might laugh at this woman, but really, when we are trying so desperately to keep ourselves above the fray of living, when we are trying to avoid dealing with life as it is, when we are doing what we do for show, we are acting just like her!

The trick is to keep our focus on what is right in front of us

Let me be clear. I have no problem with the woman falling into lust, and with her doing the horizontal mambo with the carpenter.

The thing I have a problem with is this: each of our actions has consequences. In her case, the likely consequence might be animosity, anger, and two divorces. What she was looking for, through her Spirituality, was ‘no consequences.’ Or better still, ‘only the consequences she thinks she should get.’ She was trying to game the system, and the system wasn’t cooperating. It doesn’t. There is no escape from the reality of living in a real world, where consequences abound. On the other hand, a deep, profound and abiding spiritual practice can be, and is, an anchor in the stormy seas of living.

The trick is to keep our focus on what is right in front of us—no drifting off into the fantasy that there is some other world than ‘this one.’

Every crisis or win gives us the opportunity to stop, to look, and to examine our ‘selves’ and our games. If you do stuff for reward or praise, just notice that there’s never enough of either. A noble venture might be to do what we do, because that is what we are doing.

And leave the games and the ‘materialisms’ for others.

The post The materialism of spirituality appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

A bit further along the road, the Zen master met another traveler going in the opposite direction, and he had the same question as the previous traveler. When the Zen master asked this one what life was like in the town this traveler had just come from, the traveler replied that people had been open and friendly, always helpful and acting with integrity. The Zen master told this traveler he was likely to find the same thing and the same kind of people in the town he was headed toward.

Both travelers were headed for the same town, but a different field of energy—a different perceptual filter—surrounded each of them. Each was attracting a particular quality of experience determined by their particular energy field.

Also read » There Is No Such Thing As Imperfection

Your Perceptions Are a Bubble

Each of us is surrounded by a bubble, which is the filter to our perceptions. All our perceptions must pass through this bubble, which filters and selects only the information we have decided is relevant to us at that time. The bubble is necessary, since we are surrounded with so much information coming in: what everyone is wearing, each person’s face, all of the details of our environment, the number of leaves on a tree, the temperature, the dimensions of each cloud in the sky, all of the sounds we hear, and so on. If we had no selection process, we would experience chaos, as though we were watching a television set with all of the channels playing simultaneously.

It’s like all of the information available in a computer. It’s not all necessary or useful at one time, but as long as it’s in the computer, we can access it when we need it. So, all of the information coming in doesn’t need to register in our conscious awareness. It passes through the bubble unnoticed, yet is accessible when it’s needed, either through conscious recall, or techniques such as hypnosis and regression.

If we imagine that each bubble is, for example, a particular color, we can say that someone is seeing the world through a red bubble, or a blue bubble, and so on.

Of course, through a red bubble, the world looks red, and through a blue bubble, the world looks blue. In actuality, the world may be neither red nor blue, but perhaps black and white. Imagine someone in a blue bubble and someone in a red bubble discussing the color of the world. Each would be certain they were right—and in fact, they would be right from their point of view, seen through their bubble. Each would be accurately reporting their perspective.

We could say that they would both be right. We could also say that neither was right, in terms of the absolute reality that each was seeing through their respective filters. We could, however, say that each was accurately reporting their experience, and then we could get a sense of the bubble through which each was seeing.

We could say that each bubble is a product of that person’s consciousness, and that the inside of each bubble is a mirror, so that people do not necessarily see the world the way it is, but rather they see it the way they are. Each person who is at the effect of their perceptions projects on to their view of the world their own intentions, and their own values.

Both Views Are Important

When people judge others, they are in effect saying that if they were that person, they would be doing something wrong. They would be measuring the other person by their own standards, and perhaps, also measuring themselves by the standards of others. The view might be quite different when the other person’s intentions, values, and reasons are known.

When others measure you by their standards, for example, deciding that you’re wrong about something, they are projecting their intentions onto you. When you are able to communicate your intentions, often their judgements disappear. They are given the view from inside your bubble.

In any interaction it would be useful to have both views—the view from the inside looking out, and the view from the outside looking in. Both views are important, and having both views gives a more complete picture for intelligent decisions.

Perhaps you know people of whom you would say, “If only they followed their own advice.” We could see, then, that they were seeing reflections of themselves projected onto those around them.

Perhaps you, too, may have noticed yourself giving the same excellent advice to several people. Would that excellent advice be useful for you to follow, as well?

We could say that we attract to ourselves people to bring out from us information we need to hear ourselves. In a way, the world is full of people walking around, talking to themselves—but only some of them are listening. After you realize this, you continue to talk to yourself, but now you can also listen. You can ask yourself whether this information coming from you is useful for you—and then follow your own advice. You could also see people who are giving you advice as talking to themselves, and giving themselves excellent advice. Only they would know, though, whether they were listening as well.

Listen to Yourself

You can tell when your advice is meant for you if you are more interested in saying it than the other person is in hearing it. The words want to come out for you to hear. It works the other way, as well, when someone is more interested in giving you advice than you are in hearing it. It could be meant for them. When both people are interested in the communication, it flows. Otherwise, just notice your perceptions, and if you were to offer advice, notice what it would be. Inwardly, thank this other person for the favor they have done you on your path to clarity. You may then notice your view of that person change, since your perceptions of the past had served their purposes and disappeared, so you could now see that person in the present.

Being aware of your own bubble enables you to know yourself and what you are experiencing in your life. When you notice that you are projecting your own thoughts and feelings onto others, you can decide to take a fresh look. You can then go ‘Through the Looking-glass,’ and see other people’s realities.

At levels of perception that most people experience, the mirroring process is not conscious, and so the people are at the effect of their perceptions. There is a level of perception at which these processes become conscious and direct experiences, and that is at the level of the heart, seen through the bubble of unconditional love, of acceptance. With a direct view of others as yourself, there is compassion, understanding, and wisdom, and you find yourself talking to these people as though they were you, speaking with them in a way that you would like to be spoken to.

When you find yourself judging, you can be aware of it and use the awareness to raise the level of your perceptions to that of acceptance. The effect then is a release of tensions from your consciousness.

When you think of someone and feel resistance towards him or her, think of the quality of that person you feel the resistance about. What words would you use to describe that person? Ask yourself whether those words could be used to describe you, whether you can remember a time when you could have been described with those words, perhaps by someone who was not aware of the motives behind your actions and words.

Realize that this other person may have exactly the same motives and you will sense a recognition and compassion for them. You will see them as yourself. It will be a new perception, and you could use that new perception as a basis for communication. Where before there was a wall between you, now there is an open door, a channel for communication. You could offer them the advice you would have appreciated getting. You could talk to them in the same way you would like to have been spoken to.

You can also recognize a person’s characteristics without feeling resistance. The resistance tells you something about yourself. If you see the characteristic without resistance, without judging what the other person should do differently, you can decide what you need to do. For example, if someone is a thief, you can see it and do what is necessary to not have something stolen from you. You do not, however, need to be upset about their being a thief. You don’t need to carry around resistance about that. They may, in fact, be a lovable thief, and perhaps even easier to love at a distance.

You Are Your Own Master

As you continue to remove resistance from your perceptions, you will be changing the nature of your bubble. You will see more and more that your consciousness has the means to answer all your questions, and give you all the guidance you need.

You will see more and more that you can be your own authority, your own guide, your own guru, your own Master, trusting more and more your own perceptions. You will more and more be able to own your clarity.

During the transformation process, you will be changing the nature of your bubble. This can be a gradual process over a period of time, or there can be a finite moment of change.

When the process of change happens in a particular moment, it can be experienced in one of two ways. There can be the experience of the old bubble suddenly ‘popping,’ sometimes with a rush of energy, exposing the new bubble. This may be experienced in much the same way as if waking from a dream, and suddenly seeing what is true in waking reality.

The second way the moment of change can be experienced is as if moving from one bubble to another, as if two bubbles—like soap bubbles—were touching each other and sharing a common membrane. Then, the point of consciousness [which is what you are] moves from the center of one bubble, through the membrane, into the second. Each bubble is a paradigm—a set of all things perceived, a reality, a certain way in which things make sense.

The movement is first experienced by the point of consciousness, as things no longer make sense in the old way. Of course, for things to make sense in a new way they must no longer make sense in the old way. In the narrow slice of time that the membrane represents, the individual might experience this as confusion in their perceptions, chaos, a lack of meaning. The individual must then not look backward at the way things used to make sense, but rather allow the meaninglessness, as movement goes through the membrane between the two bubbles. If you experience this, you can then know that it’s just the curtain, the transition, and that its presence implies the process of rebirth into the new paradigm, the new bubble, the new reality.

Also by Martin Brofman » The Shift That Saved My Life

New Perceptions, New Reality

A new meaning then emerges. Sense emerges from the chaos as movement continues into the new bubble. Attention is best maintained in the present, looking toward the future, watching the emerging process, the rebirth. [Read Strive to Stay in the Now below] The process becomes one of discovery and delight with the new paradigm, seeing how things are in fact different in a way that the individual recognizes as better.

Something else happens as well. You will discover that your bubble was not only a perceptual filter, but also a kind of selective magnet, attracting a certain kind of experience to you, and also a certain quality of people.

With the change in your bubble, the selectivity of the magnet changes as well, and you notice a different kind of experience being attracted to you, and a different quality of people. This is the direct result of the shift in your perceptions. Remember that your perceptions create your reality, as your perceptions change, your basic beliefs change as well and as you change your basic beliefs, your perceptions change accordingly.

In accord with these changes, events in the outer world change as well, and a totally different story unfolds around you. It’s as though you have become a totally different character, in a totally different movie. Not only has the view from inside the bubble looking outward become different, but also the view from outside the bubble looking inward, and in fact, also the environment of the bubble. If the bubble was in a glass of beer, now it is in a glass of champagne, or what was flavored soda becomes sparkling water.

For you, the reader, these descriptions may seem a bit abstract at first, but when the process begins for you, you will recognize what is happening. As you re-read this article later, the words will connect more with your experience, and you will know that what is happening for you is what you have waited for and wanted. You can then watch your process of rebirth with a sense of stability—and clarity.

A version of this article was first published in the February 2013 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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