I have immense respect for Alexander Pope’s contribution to literature and spiritual thought and have no doubt that when he wrote this piece of wisdom his intent was to promote love and forgiveness over hatred and resentment. Unfortunately, we tend to use the idea that forgiveness is divine as an excuse not to forgive. “I am not God! I am only human, so I can’t forgive,” say many bitter men and women. To these people I say, there’s nothing divine about forgiveness—it’s an out and out human act.

Why God never forgives

You see, forgiveness becomes necessary only when there is blame. And blame arises out of judgement, which, in turn comes from a belief in duality—good/bad, right/wrong, love/hate, blessing/curse, noble/wicked and so on.

So, while we humans are always censuring this deed and condemning that behavior, I cannot imagine the ‘creator’ doing the same. The creator, if there is one, would be free of judgements and hence incapable of blame.That is why I believe that God cannot forgive. For, where there is no blame, there is no question of forgiveness.

When we elevate forgiveness to the level of the divine, we push it away. We make it an epic phenomenon that is within the reach of only the most evolved men and women. Ironically, such enlightened beings have no need to forgive because they have, like God, ceased to blame.

Nelson Mandela’s story

Former US President Bill Clinton was intrigued by Nelson Mandela’s dignified exit from prison in 1990 after spending 27 years there. Many years later, when he met him, he asked him, “Come on, you were a great man, you invited your jailers to your inauguration, you put your pressures on the government. But tell me the truth. Weren’t you really angry all over again?” And Mandela replied, “Yes, I was angry. And I was a little afraid. After all I’ve not been free in so long. But,” he continued, “when I felt that anger well up inside of me I realised that if I hated them after I got outside that gate then they would still have me.” And he smiled and said, “I wanted to be free so I let it go.”

“It was an astonishing moment in my life. It changed me,” Clinton later wrote about this dialogue.

Mandela’s greatness stems from being able to acknowledge that he is human—he felt anger and fear too. His forgiveness is about freeing himself from the prison of hatred, anger, and bitterness—which purified his heart and took him close to the divine.

Also read » The Prime Beneficiary of Forgiveness Is the One Who Forgives

To forgive is human

Bestselling author and spiritual teacher Dr Wayne Dyer calls our need to forgive a “monumental misperception”. In his view, to which I subscribe wholeheartedly, forgiveness helps us transcend the negative effects of blame—an emotional prison that we escape.

Forgiveness is perhaps among the highest of human acts but it is still human. We always forgive for the sake of our own freedom. So to err is human and to forgive is also human. But to go beyond blame and forgiveness—that is divine.

A version of this article first appeared in the September 2012 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

Last updated on 2^nd August 2024

The post Here’s Why God Never Forgives appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

• A small story
• The law of attraction: is it a hoax?
• The reason why law of attraction is so appealing
• The flaw lies in the packaging
• Demystifying the law of attraction: how does it actually work?
• The law of attraction paradigm that actually works
• Mastering the law of attraction: The missing link
  • Acceptance is the key
• Opening up to opportunities
• You are always free to choose your attitude
• Summing up
• BONUS CONTENT: Using the Law of Attraction for weight loss

“The law of floatation was not discovered by the contemplation of the sinking of things.”
—Thomas Troward

A small story

Jack Jones was a frustrated man who had come to accept struggle as part and parcel of life. He believed that no matter what his goals, he must work hard and do everything possible to get there. But life had been difficult and success seemed to elude him in all areas. The more he tried, the more impossible it seemed. He was a chain smoker and had received warnings from his doctor to quit or else… but somehow he was unable to let go of this harmful habit. He had been struggling with his weight and his relationship with his wife was stressful. Over the past few years, his work too had left him feeling unfulfilled and unsuccessful. He was angry at his body, unhappy with his marriage and frustrated with his work; and yet all his attempts to change his life yielded no result. He wondered why his sincere efforts and resolve were not working.

Then one day, a friend introduced him to the law of attraction [LoA]. Jack suddenly found his answers. It seemed that LoA was the panacea he was waiting for—he was hooked. Over the next few months, Jack read every book he could on the subject. He attended workshops and seminars and was even beginning to see some positive results—which, unfortunately, didn’t last. A year later, Jack Jones was still struggling, feeling hopeless about his life, more frustrated than ever, and angry that LoA had failed him.

The law of attraction: is it a hoax?

“Thoughts become things,” said Mike Dooley, a former PricewaterhouseCoopers consultant, in the 2006 hit docufilm The Secret. Such clever phrases, sprinkled throughout the film, played a big part in making law of attraction one of the biggest trends in the last decade or so. Millions excitedly jumped onto the bandwagon, only to be disappointed when they realised that it doesn’t work—at least not for them. Many [like Jack in the story above] excitedly embraced the law of attraction only to throw up their hands in disgust, and return to their old work-hard-to-make-money mindset. Because they could not produce consistent results with LoA, they felt that it was unreliable. There were those who, after their initial enthusiasm waned, allowed their rationalisation to take over and ended up attributing their successes to sheer coincidence. Then there were people who reported losing their sense of balance trying to control their incessant thoughts; these poor souls began to correlate everything that happened in their life with LoA in their attempts to ensure that they don’t inadvertently attract what they don’t want.

So is law of attraction a hoax? Is it a cunning ploy used by smart people to sell dreams to the vast majority of gullible people who are struggling to make their lives work?

In my experience, law of attraction is not a hoax; it is a sound concept that works for you always, but only if you really understand how it works. This article is my attempt to de-mystify law of attraction, so that it becomes accessible to everyone—including the sceptics. But before we understand how it works, let’s try and figure out what made the idea so alluring and how the ‘marketing’ of law of attraction took away from its real power.

The reason why law of attraction is so appealing

The law of attraction is a New Thought belief based on the notion that like attracts like. Positive thoughts attract positive situations and people; likewise, negative thoughts bring undesirable situations and people. In other words, our thoughts create our reality.

The fact that our thoughts are responsible for our life situation is an idea that resonates with most people. It makes them feel empowered and in control of their life. With LoA, their needs, wants and desires can easily fructify—all they have to do is visualise the outcome they desire, think repeatedly about it, and maintain a joyous emotional disposition at all times.

For many people, the appeal of LoA has been in its miraculous quality. The Secret and many other subsequent films, books and articles have packaged it in a way that lead you to believe that all you need is to ‘think’ what you want and then wait for it to materialise. Simply visualise the outcome you desire, impress it upon your subconscious and the Universe makes it happen. LoA has even been likened to a genie that fulfils your every demand. And who can resist the idea of his own personal genie?

The flaw lies in the packaging

I think the biggest flaw that most law of attraction “experts” have been making is marketing it as a magic wand to attract goodies into our lives. Such an approach both mystifies and trivialises the phenomenon.

The underlying premise of the law of attraction is that everything is made up of energy including our thoughts; hence, our thoughts manifest our reality. Proponents of LoA use this logic to explain how the law works. Many of them try to lend it further credibility by throwing science into their explanations for good measure. For example, some mention legitimate quantum physics concepts like the observer effect.^[1]

Demystifying the law of attraction: how does it actually work?

In its bare bones, the law states that whatever we focus upon expands. When we give our full attention to something—anything—its influence on our lives grows. As an example, if you have two saplings, and choose to water only one of them, guess which one will grow to become a fruit-bearing tree? Thoughts too are like saplings—those that you nourish are the only ones that flourish.

Seen from this perspective, Mike Dooley is right; thoughts do become things. In her classic book The Game of Life, Florence Scovel Shinn gives an example of this: A poor man was walking along a road when he met a traveller, who stopped him and said: “My good friend, I see you are poor. Take this gold nugget, sell it, and you will be rich all your days.” The man was overjoyed at his good fortune, and took the nugget home. He immediately found work and became so prosperous that he did not sell the nugget. Years passed, and he became a very rich man. One day he met a poor man on the road. He stopped him and said: “My good friend, I will give you this gold nugget, which, if you sell, will make you rich for life.” The mendicant took the nugget, had it valued, and found it was only brass. So we see, the first man became rich through feeling rich, thinking the nugget was gold.

“Every man has within himself a gold nugget; it is his consciousness of gold, of opulence, which brings riches into his life,” Shinn concludes.

The law of attraction paradigm that actually works

At its core, the law of attraction—which is always working whether we realise it or not—is really about how we react to our life situation. I like to think of it as a mindset, an attitude of always being for a solution instead of against your problem. Whether it is a self-defeating habit you wish to conquer, bring happiness into your relationships, get rid of debt or achieve professional success, your life will be more fulfilling if you cultivate an attitude of always being for what you want, instead of being against what you don’t want.

What’s the difference, you ask. The difference is that when we’re against something, we try to fight that instead of working towards what we desire. It is like trying to remove darkness—no matter how hard you try, you will not succeed. The only sensible option is to accept the reality of darkness, and then think of how you can light a candle.

You may think that we’re only indulging in some form of mental acrobatics and may doubt the efficacy of this subtle shift. You may even feel tempted to equate this with mere positive thinking. But ‘being for’ is more than that. Before I explain the difference, I must tell you about the missing piece, without which LoA is incomplete and ineffective.

Mastering the law of attraction: The missing link

Let’s do an experiment. Close your eyes for about 30 seconds. During this time, don’t think of a white bear. You can think of anything else except a white bear. Open your eyes only after 30 seconds.

What happened? It’s a good bet that no matter how hard you tried, you saw a white bear in your mind’s eye. This phenomenon is known as the ironic process theory in psychology whereby deliberate attempts to suppress certain thoughts make them more likely to surface in one’s thoughts.^[2]

That’s the problem of being against something. It’s impossible to not think of what is. How can you be against reality—it’s compelling and forceful. But there’s something that can help you deal with this. This is the big piece of the LoA puzzle that most of its proponents seem to have missed. It’s called acceptance, and it enables you to take the law from theory to practice. Without acceptance, you cannot turn your attention away from what you don’t want to what you want, which—as the law states—is necessary in order to manifest your desires.

Let me explain this with the help of a simple example:

Let’s say I’m experiencing poverty; what I want is, of course, wealth. So, LoA states that I should stop thinking poverty-oriented thoughts and instead dwell on abundance. To do so, I start visualising wealth in different ways. I wake up in the morning and deliberately put my attention on attracting lots of money. I make affirmation cards, carry them in my wallet and read them often. I even create a vision board with beautiful pictures of the stuff that I am dreaming about. I express gratitude for the blessings in my life. In short, I do my best to imagine abundance. However, the fact is that till abundance actually begins manifesting for me, I will keep coming back to the present reality of my poverty. I can blank it out for a while, or if I am a really good daydreamer, even for extended periods of time. But no matter how much I escape to my fantasy world, sooner or later I will wake up from my dream world and notice that I am poor—and my attention will return to thoughts of poverty—something that I am against. So I am back to square one.

The fact is, it’s nearly impossible to take your focus off the present—after all, it’s right there, staring at you. That is why, no matter how hard we try, we still end up thinking about what we don’t want, and continue to resist and resent it.

Acceptance is the key

This is where acceptance comes in. You see, our only power is in the now. Regardless of how challenging our present, if we resist it, we give up our power. But when we accept our present reality, we make peace with it. In other words, we no longer argue with it, or resist it. But that doesn’t mean we start liking or wanting it. No, it simply means we stop being against it.

In the above example, if I make peace with reality i.e. my poverty, I stop resisting it. So now, though I still prefer abundance, noticing my poverty no longer produces unhappiness in me in the present. This means, I can daydream and visualise all I want and when I come back, I can face my present reality without any feelings of frustration. Acceptance has removed the sting from my poverty. Now I don’t use it as an excuse for resentment and anger. The energy I was using in opposing what is becomes available to me, and I begin doing whatever I can to attract abundance.

In The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle explains such acceptance with the help of an analogy. He says, “If you were stuck in the mud somewhere, you wouldn’t say: ‘Okay, I resign myself to being stuck in the mud.’ You don’t need to accept an undesirable or unpleasant life situation. Nor do you need to deceive yourself and say that there is nothing wrong with being stuck in the mud. No. You recognise fully that you want to get out of it. You then narrow your attention down to the present moment without mentally labelling it in any way. This means that there is no judgment of the Now. Therefore, there is no resistance, no emotional negativity. You accept the ‘isness’ of this moment. Then you take action and do all that you can to get out of the mud. Such action I call positive action. It is far more effective than negative action, which arises out of anger, despair, or frustration.”

To reiterate, acceptance is not a prescription for inaction. If anything, it frees up your energy and brings much greater clarity in the present that you no longer resist. From this non-resistant space you can manifest whatever you want.

Opening up to opportunities

Once you’ve made peace with your problem, ideas and opportunities begin to show up, or should we say, you begin to notice them. When we’re not spending our time cursing our luck and resisting our current circumstances, our intuitive abilities are at peak, guiding us to do whatever is necessary.

Many great scientists, artists, and businessmen have credited their intuition for solving many of their problems. These include Leonardo da Vinci, Albert Einstein, Henry Ford, Thomas Edison and Isaac Newton—they received their insights when they were relaxed. Many of them have shared how a solution came to them when they weren’t even thinking about the problem.

When we are against our problem, which is the reality, we too inadvertently become part of the problem. And nothing great can be achieved by being against reality—it’s futile. Is it any wonder then that we miss the opportunities that we could’ve noticed had we been looking for solutions?

Here’s how Mother Teresa demonstrated the ‘for not against’ paradigm. When an activist group asked her if she would join them in their march against the Vietnam War, Mother Teresa replied: “No, I won’t march against the war with you. But if you have a march for peace, I’ll be there.” Mother Teresa knew that being against anything means becoming part of the problem; she preferred to be part of the solution.

If you want to become more effective in attaining your goals, cultivate an attitude that Mother Teresa advocated and practised. It means the next time you find yourself ‘pitched’ against, say, illiteracy, accept the present situation as it is, and then shift your focus in favour of literacy. You will find that instead of blaming the society or the government or the education policy, you will look for ways to spread literacy in your own way—maybe you will sponsor a child’s education, volunteer to teach part-time or even donate money to charitable schools run by selfless NGOs.

You are always free to choose your attitude

Although apocryphal, the following story elucidates how accepting your circumstances, instead of being against them, frees you up to manifest your dreams.

A middle-aged man named Bill Fross lived in Chicago with his family. Bill was a drunkard, swindler, petty thief and wife-beater, who had been in and out of jail more times than he could remember. His wife died while giving birth to his twin sons, Peter and James. As the boys grew up, they suffered many terrible beatings and great poverty as their father’s alcoholism spiralled out of control.

They observed, with their impressionable eyes and minds, as their dad wasted his life, and finally died in prison during one of his numerous trips there, while the boys were in their teens.

Thirty years later, Peter was just like his dad—a drunkard, swindler, petty thief, and wife-beater, who served time in jail. James, on the other hand, became a respected US senator, happy husband and proud father of three. Peter and James grew up in the same domestic environment but their worlds couldn’t be further apart.

A psychologist who observed contrasting lives of the twins became curious: why would two kids, who were born on the same day, to the same parents, and growing up in the same set of circumstances, end up so differently? His curiosity got the better of him and he decided to get to the root of the matter by interviewing the two brothers separately—without one knowing the other would be interviewed.

He first approached Peter in prison and asked him why he ended up the way he did. Peter, not surprisingly, replied, “With a father like mine, what else did you expect?” The psychologist then travelled to Washington DC and asked the same question to Senator James, who, not having the slightest hint that his brother had been interviewed, said, “With a father like mine, what else did you expect?”

One son used his father as an excuse to fail in life, and the other son used the same father as a reason to succeed. Different interpretations of the same circumstances made all the difference. Unlike Peter, James chose to be for life, and not against the difficult circumstances he was born and brought up in.

In the classic book Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor E. Frankl recounts the extremely torturous treatment he and his fellow inmates suffered at the hands of the Nazis, as prisoners in the concentration camps. An Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, Frankl spent his time as a hostage studying human behaviour and concluded thus: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Adversities often become stepping stones for people who refuse to be victims of their circumstances. Blaming other people or situation/events for your miseries and misfortunes usually keeps you from transcending them. If you wish to bring about a positive change, stop thinking about what’s wrong or missing from your life. Accept your present life situation wholeheartedly and then think about what you want—without resistance to what is, you’ll find yourself acting in ways that bring your desires to you.

Summing up

The ‘be for, not against’ paradigm is not some unverifiable mumbo-jumbo; instead, it is rooted in sound logic. Therefore, even if you don’t believe in the supernatural quality of the popular idea of LoA, it will still work for you. The key, as we have learned, is to accept our problems with grace. May I suggest that you consider replacing the word ‘attraction’ with ‘acceptance’ in the phrase, and then see the difference? When you think of LoA as the Law of Acceptance, it will gently remind to make peace with your present reality—with all its problems and challenges. And once you accept you present reality, there will be nothing to resist—and you will be free to manifest your heart’s desire. The best part is that your journey from here to there will be joyous and fulfilling.

Bonus Content: Using the Law of Attraction for weight loss

Weight loss is a goal that drives millions of people around the world to sign up to gyms, health clubs and fitness programmes. Overweight individuals hate the surplus flab enveloping what they reckon to be their ‘lean and beautiful body’. They try everything—exercise routines, crash diet plans, gadgets and as-shown-on-TV quick-fixes that promise them the moon—but, what they get is miracles that don’t work. That slim and sexy figure stays illusive. Worse, even if they succeed in losing weight, most are unable to maintain it. According to studies, 85 to 90 per cent people regain any weight they’ve lost within three to five years.

Have you ever wondered why weight loss is such a difficult proposition for most people? Think about it, and you will realise that almost all weight-loss candidates are exclusively against their excess weight, instead of being in favour of a healthy, fitter self. In the process of trying to lose weight, they are dwelling constantly on what they don’t want [excess fat], and this is exactly what they get.

Many years ago I had the opportunity to interview [Read here] singer-composer Adnan Sami. This was soon after he had lost a massive amount of weight—130 kg to be precise—in a span of one year. Before he started on his weight loss programme, he was morbidly obese and was given a few months to live by his doctors. During our conversation Adnan confessed to me that even after the doctor’s ultimatum he kept “hogging”—he believed there was no way out for him. Thanks largely to his father’s counsel, Adnan switched from being against his obesity to becoming for his life, lost enormous amounts of weight and, most importantly, survived to tell the tale.

Overweight individuals would do well to apply the Law of Attraction paradigm—by thinking and acting towards their healthier and fitter selves instead of being against their excess weight. Here is how it works: stop being against your current weight—make peace with the reality of it, then resolve to work towards being fitter and healthier with love and joy. When you demonstrate love instead of hatred for your body, you act in loving ways. Love provides you with all the energy you need. It also automatically motivates you to give up nutritionally empty foods, laziness, procrastination, and all the self-defeating habits that come in your way of becoming fitter and slimmer.

^{[1] The observer effect that states that the act of observing affects what is being observed↩}

^{[2] It seems that many of us are drawn into what seems a simple task, to stop a thought, when we want to stop thinking of something because it is frightening, disgusting, odd, inconvenient, or just annoying. And when we succumb to that initial impulse to stop, the snowballing begins. We try and fail, and try again, and find that the thought is ever more insistent for all our trying. Many studies reveal that suppression may be the starting point for obsession, rather than the other way around. As a result, we end up thinking all too often about the doubts, worries, fears, and alarms that we have tried to erase from mind.
— Daniel M Wegner, author of White Bears and Other Unwanted Thoughts:Suppression, Obsession, and the Psychology of Mental Control.↩}

The post Mastering the Law of Attraction: The Missing Link appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

“Stopping is the basic Buddhist practice of meditation. You stop running. You stop struggling. You allow yourself to rest, to heal, to calm.”

— Thich Nhat Hahn

A long time ago, I read a filler in Reader’s Digest that remains fresh in my memory even today. It went something like this: Every morning, when the sun rises, a gazelle wakes up knowing it must run faster than the fastest lion or it could be killed. Every morning a lion awakens knowing it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death. So, it doesn’t matter whether you are a gazelle or a lion, when the sun rises in the east, you had better be running.

Sounds familiar? You bet! There’s something of a lion and a gazelle in each of us. Every morning, when we get up and go about accomplishing tasks and fulfilling duties, we’re either chasing some goal or escaping some responsibility. We’re either fighting the past or struggling to shape the future. We’re either avoiding some pain and or hankering after some pleasure. But whatever it is that we’re doing, we rarely stop to think about it.

An ad campaign for a tea brand used to put this point across aptly when it urged viewers to “wake up” and not just get up every morning. Contemplate the deeper meaning behind this and you will realize that indeed that’s what most of us do—go about our tasks as if blind-folded. We’re so caught up in our lives that rarely do we pause to think about what we’re doing and why.

This New Year, Be Mindful

The beginning of the New Year is a good opportunity to break away from the thoughtless norms. I suggest that this year, instead of making resolutions to chase success or escape temptations, just stop… and think. On second thoughts, don’t even think. Just stop!

Notice your thoughts, past and future, and let go of them gently, becoming aware of the present moment. Clear your mind of all goals. Whenever your catch yourself thinking about running and chasing, just stop and observe that ‘self’. As you do so, focus on your incoming and outgoing breath for a minute or two.

Then, even as you carry on with your daily chores, continue to observe yourself. Stop identifying with your mental chatter and become the witness of your thoughts and feelings, your actions and reactions without judgment or condemnation. As you do this, you will experience a sort of peace descending on your being… a peace you may not have experienced in a long time.

Time to Meet Yourself

It is my conviction that once you experience the peace that comes from simply being, you will feel a subtle transformation. The best part is that this transformation is effortless—no resolutions, no goals, no dogged determination, simply staying in the state of quiet awareness and remaining alert to your thoughts.

As you do this regularly, you’ll probably still continue to chase and run, but you will do it with an awareness—not out of habit or compulsion. Then, even without making it a goal, you will go to that quiet place in your mind often, where you meet yourself.

The post This New Year, Just Stop and Be Mindful appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Psychologists say that stress can be good and bad. At the workplace, good stress is that which is productive because it helps us perform better. Bad stress, on the other hand, is counter-productive because it impedes our performance.

It disturbs me that the latter variety is now accepted as part and parcel of work. In the last two decades, the number of people reporting negative effects of stress at work has gone up more than four times. But, since everyone “suffers” from it, no one seems to be doing anything about it.

The link between stress and health

We ought to understand the link between stress and our health. Bad stress makes us susceptible to all kinds of illnesses—from the less serious common cold to the more severe heart disease, high blood pressure, and strokes. It also leads to alcoholism, over-eating, drug addiction, smoking, depression, and other harmful behaviours.

In spite of these adverse outcomes of stress, most of us accept it as a price we must pay for survival and/or success. Is stress inevitable? Can’t we have a stress-free working environment? Can’t we enjoy our work, and experience no bad stress at all? I believe we can.

The key to making work stress-free

De-linking our work from stress is vital for our health and happiness. For work to be genuinely stress-free, it is first important that we enjoy it. When we spend our time doing what we don’t particularly enjoy for most part of day, it’s bound to cause stress.

According to Elizabeth Scott, who coaches people on effective stress management, “It’s important that you’re spending your days doing something where you feel challenged [but not overwhelmed], appreciated [but not desperately needed to the point that you can’t take a day off], and where your strengths are being utilised, among other things. Without these and other key factors, you can be at risk for burnout.”

So if you feel stressed at work often, it’s time to reflect and ask if you’re enjoying your work. If the answer is no, acknowledge the need for a change. You may change your working style or manage your days better. Or you may want to switch jobs—or even fields! One way or the other, what’s important is that you enjoy your work.

The post The key to making your work stress-free appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Inside my living room, it’s a different story; everything is man-made—the sofa, the table, the TV set, the stereo system, the refrigerator and its contents… almost everything. It’s a shock to notice that I am living in such artificial conditions, all made up. The beasts, on the other hand, are living without any of the contraptions I have become so dependent on.

An uncomfortable realization arises—my living spaces reflect the state of my mind. I have filled it up with so much “stuff”—all unnatural, all typical of human behavior, all… normal.

Normal—a word I have grown up hearing. It’s a way of living that has been projected almost as a virtue. All my life I have been taught to strive to be as ‘normal’ as possible.

Related » Discover the incredible power of de-cluttering

Normal Is Not the Same As Natural

The problem is, being normal is often confused with being natural, even though they mean very different things. Normal only means that which has come to mean socially acceptable and is followed by everyone who wishes to be part of the “civilized” world. In other words, it is a set of moral, ethical, social and cultural values superimposed upon our natural being.

Natural, on the other hand, means the way nature intended us to be. It’s behavior by default, not by design. It’s spontaneous and doesn’t involve the thinking mind. I suspect that when our natural instincts are suppressed, they look for other outlets for expression—the massive violence in our world, for instance, is the result of suppression of our intrinsic nature.

Wars Are Normal

Wars are now accepted as normal, but are they natural? Greed too is normal, but is it natural? Competition is natural when resources are scarce, as observed in the animal kingdom. But the kind of competition we humans indulge in is entirely self-created… it’s the emotion of greed that drives us to compete. Winning at all costs, wanting more, accepting stress as a way of life, all in the name of chasing more money and more stuff—a source of incredible misery. There’s nothing natural about it.

So when I observe nature and its intrinsic harmony, I feel increasingly uneasy about this madness that I have bought into. It seems to me that being unhappy and stressed is a price one must pay to be human. No wonder we humans justify our insanity, our need to hoard, our greed for more and even our anxieties under the cover of being normal—after all, everyone is doing it [As if that makes it OK!].

Of course, humans can’t perhaps be living like animals. We need some amount of structure and order. But that doesn’t need to come at the cost of losing our intrinsic nature. We seem to have forgotten that technology is always a means to an end, not the end itself. We must  use technology without losing ourselves in it.

Related » Minimalism: The Key to Living a Richer, Fuller Life

Isn’t It Time We Reconnected With Nature?

We seem to be so lost in the artificial, normal world we have created for ourselves, that we have become largely disconnected from nature and from ourselves, our being. We try to tame nature forgetting that we too are an inextricable part of it.

All is not lost. There are a few among us who have recognized our monstrous folly and have begun to take some steps back to reconnect with nature. They are discarding normal and embracing natural. They are flowing with nature instead of trying to control it. They are the ones who practise and actively propagate ideas such as zero-waste living, minimalism, organic farming, recycling & reusing, eco-friendly homes and offices and many other ideas that reconnect us with Mother Nature and our own intrinsic being. Such individuals, though as of now only an infinitesimal proportion of the human population, are growing in number. I love them because they are leading me back to myself—and I am happily and readily following them.

Being totally natural might seem like a far-fetched dream right now. But we are getting there, slowly and surely. Someday, when humanity will awaken from the nightmare of its own creation, normal and natural will become synonymous. Until then, I would prefer abnormality over unnaturalness. What about you?

The post Normal vs Natural: Are You Living an Unnatural, Normal Life? appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Every relationship based upon this rule is guaranteed to glitter, be it between spouses, siblings, friends, businessmen, corporations and even entire nations.

Unfortunately, simple as it is to understand, the Golden Rule is not as widely followed. What is far more rampantly practised instead is another twisted, pernicious, tit-for-tat rule—treat others like others treat you! I call this the Rusty Rule. Rusty, because all it does is corrode the bonds it touches. It fuels such feelings as revenge, retaliation, punishment and justice at any cost. And the result is for all to see. For instance, one country bullies the other [flouts The Golden Rule], and the other responds in like manner [applies The Rusty Rule] and soon we have a full-blown war where everyone loses. But in spite of it being a lose-lose proposition, almost everyone defends the Rusty Rule, forgetting entirely that eye for an eye can only make the whole world blind.

A lose-lose proposition

A case in point is the 2012 tragic incident—a spat between Chadha brothers Hardeep and Gurdeep [Ponty] turned violent with both getting killed at their New Delhi farmhouse, a property that was apparently under dispute. According to news reports, while Hardeep shot his own brother in a fit of rage, he was in turn shot by Gurdeep’s personal security guards.

Clearly, not only the Golden Rule was flouted, the Rusty Rule was applied forcefully. The Chadha brothers became sworn enemies of each other—because each wanted to be treated in a way that he was not willing to treat the other. My guess is that even if one of them would have followed The Golden Rule, they would still be living. What’s more, in all likelihood, the other would have come around too, sooner or later, and the dispute would’ve resolved amicably.

While most of us are, thankfully, not involved in any major feud like the Chadha brothers, we do have ample opportunities in our daily lives to apply the Golden Rule. More often than not though, we end up following the Rusty Rule automatically when we react to others’ thoughts, deeds and actions. So many serious conflicts will be averted and so many relationships will be saved if only more of us adopt the Golden Rule as the default setting when dealing with others.

Put yourself in the other’s position

Do not underestimate the transformational power of the Golden Rule. Besides being the most effective way to forge lasting and meaningful bonds, it’s the best defuser of potentially explosive situations. How about trying out the Golden Rule in your life—with your family, at work, or even in traffic? If someone makes a mistake, even if it’s a terrible one by your standards, stop for a few moments, and try putting yourself in his/her position. Ask yourself: how would I like to be treated if I had committed the same mistake? Then proceed to treat the other accordingly.

Of course, we ought to remember also that we have no control over others. Which means, even if you follow the Golden Rule, the other may not reciprocate in kind. But that should not dissuade you from putting it into practice. For it may not change the other but it will transform you in ways you may not have imagined. And it will bring you peace of mind even as it fills your life with fresh energy.

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Story of the Lion and the Fox

There was once a man who prayed relentlessly for divine awareness to bring him lasting joy and success in his life. Finally, after months of praying, his effort bore fruit. As he went to sleep, he dreamed that he was wandering in the forest looking for enlightenment.

The next morning, taking the dream as a cue from God, he headed to the woods and meandered there for several hours looking for some sign that would provide answers. That’s when he spotted a fox with no legs lying between two rocks in a cool place.

Curious as to how a crippled fox has been surviving, he hid behind a tree and waited until sunset and was surprised to see a lion come and lay meat before the fox. “Ah, now I understand,” the man thought. “The secret to success in life is to trust that God will take care of all my needs. I don’t need to struggle to provide for myself. All I have to do is simply surrender.”

Two weeks later, weakened and starving after applying his newfound “wisdom”, the man had another dream. In it he heard a voice say, “Fool! Be like the lion, not like the fox.”

A Powerful Lesson on Serving

There’s such a powerful lesson in this Zen tale for everyone who walks the path of self-discovery. Life is a fine balance between surrender and service. The crippled fox was in the state of surrender because of his physical inability to do anything. The lion, on the other hand, was capable of hunting; he was in a position to help the fox and was doing exactly that.

When I am fully capable of helping myself and others, I have the opportunity to be the large-hearted lion. At such times, I need to act courageously, move forward with conviction and do all that I can to the best of my ability. I must not look for an excuse to shy away from action. I must be careful not to resign myself to a difficult situation and recognise the strengths I possess. Besides, being of service to others is a privilege. When someone needs my help, it means I am being given the opportunity to use my gifts and I must be grateful for that.

When to Surrender

There are also times when I actually find myself in the position of the crippled fox—absolutely helpless regarding a situation. Such times—when there’s simply no way out—are times to practise surrender, which is another way of saying that I must simply relax and allow life to unfold. Such surrender is an act of faith, and comes from a deeper understanding that whatever is happening is exactly what is supposed to happen. How do I know that? Because, it is happening! As Byron Katie says, “When I argue with reality, I lose—but only 100 per cent of the time.” I might as well accept what is. Then, a lion may or may not be on his way to rescue me—that’s not my lookout. My job is to make peace with my situation, however undesirable it is. Because, life has its own way of working out.

My great challenge, of course, is to guard against the tendency to underestimate my inner strengths or assume false weaknesses as an excuse for inaction. When I do so, I am behaving like the man in the above story who acted like the crippled fox even though he was really a mighty lion.

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Then a few years ago, at a mini school re-union, I learned that Rishi had passed away. What was most disheartening was that in his last few years, he was forced to live on the streets, completely broke, living on charity of his erstwhile neighbors and acquaintances.

This news disconcerted me and I started doing some digging into his life when I found an old article about him in a prominent Mumbai newspaper. It reported that Rishi’s father had died leaving him clueless about the business. Rishi was left with only his father’s debt and a crushed spirit.

Being Broke Is Temporary

As I ponder the life and death of my dear friend, I wonder what could’ve prevented the disastrous turn of events in his life.

Perhaps the answer can be found in Michael Todd’s powerful words: “I’ve never been poor, only broke. Being broke is temporary. Being poor is a state of mind.” An American theater and film producer, and erstwhile husband of Elizabeth Taylor, Michael’s business career was volatile, and his failed ventures left him bankrupt several times. However, that didn’t stop him from continuing to try.

Life is unpredictable. Even the most competent among us can face an unexpected crisis—financial turmoil, sudden loss of job or a health emergency—anything. Whether we recover from it depends on our having the one wealth that really matters: spirit. Without spirit, even the greatest talent is useless.

Let me explain this in terms of money. Most people who are born poor think of poverty as a curse. They often equate poverty with lack of money. But poverty is never about money. There are scores of examples of people who, although born in ‘poor’ circumstances, have risen to create unimaginable wealth.

Real Wealth

Ask any wealthy man what his real wealth is and it’s a good bet that he will point to something other than his bank balance or financial assets. When Dhirubhai Ambani was asked what he attributed his success to, he thumped his chest and said “Courage”. Courage is really a form of spirit. Spirit can take any form—passion, enthusiasm, determination, faith, creativity.

When a rich man loses his spirit he loses everything—even his money. And when a poor man’s spirit is ignited, nothing can keep him from getting rich.

There’s only one kind of poverty then—the poverty of spirit. When we become de-spirited, we become poor. Conversely, when our spirits are intact, our wealth can never leave us, even when we’re broke.

The post Being Broke Is Temporary But Being Poor Is a State of Mind appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

For a while, the cat was happy and relieved but soon he became afraid of a ferocious dog in the neighborhood. So he again sought the miracle man, who turned him into a dog. But the dog began to fear the panther who lived in the nearby cave. So this time the magician turned the dog into a panther thinking that this was the last time he’d see the distraught creature. But it was not to be. The panther, with all its strength and abilities, still lived in fear—of the hunter. When the miracle man learned this, he turned the panther back into a mouse, saying, “Nothing I do for you is going to be of any help because you have the heart of a mouse.”

This allegory has a deep lesson for those of us who, like the mouse, are always afraid. So many of us live in perpetual fear: fear of not having enough, fear of illness and death, fear of rejection, fear of losing their loved ones, fear of failure, and even fear of success!

It’s An Internal Matter

People try to protect themselves from threatening situations and circumstances by building a cocoon around them. What they don’t realize is that no matter what they do to change their circumstances, their terror will not go away. That’s because, it resides inside their heart.

The mouse in our story never learned this lesson. He kept seeking external solutions to an internal problem, changing his form while his essence remained unchanged. Each transformation brought temporary relief, but the underlying fear persisted because he never examined what was happening within.

The real problem is with the irrational fear of uncertainty that keeps us wanting to cling to everything in our lives—money, possessions, relationships, reputation, you name it. The miracle man is reminding us that this fear has little to do with the outer world. We may acquire good health, lots of wealth, and a great social standing—but will continue to live in fear unless we strengthen our hearts. In other words, we may acquire the body of a lion, but it’s of no use if we continue to have the heart of a mouse.

To be sure, I am not referring to the instinctive, physiological fears that all of us feel when we sense physical danger. Such fears are necessary—they helps us identify and stay away from legitimate threats.

How To Deal With Fear

The only way out of the cage of your fears is to face your mental and emotional insecurities—your personal demons—head on. When you do so, they disappear, leaving you free as a bird. This happens because up close, you see the fears for what they are—an illusion created by your thinking.

When left unexamined, fear becomes your master. It dictates your choices, limits your possibilities, and keeps you small. But when you turn toward it with curiosity rather than avoidance, you discover that the monster you’ve been running from is nothing more than a shadow on the wall.

Seen from this perspective, the miracle man’s final act wasn’t cruelty—it was wisdom. By returning the creature to its original form, he was saying that true strength cannot be given; it must be cultivated from within. The heart of a mouse will always find something to fear, no matter how powerful the body that houses it.

You have a choice, then: you can continue to live as mice, scurrying from one fear to another, or you can do the deeper work of transforming your heart into one that is much more courageous.

Try this next time fear grips you

Instead of panicking or running for cover, stay with the feeling—allow it to immerse you in its flavour. Observe the feeling without condemning or judging it. Try to touch it, feel it, smell it. What’s the texture? Does it have any color? Any taste? Like Pema Chödrön would say, get intimate with your fear. Get to know it inside-out. Doing so will strengthen your heart and fortify your spirit, and fear will never again be your nemesis.

Here’s a Step-by-Step Guide to Dealing With Fear

Freedom from fear isn’t complex, but it does requires persistence. Here’s how I suggest you begin:

1. Don’t escape. The moment you feel fear rising, resist your first instinct to escape. This is where most people fail—they immediately look for distractions or ways to avoid the discomfort. Instead, plant your feet and stay put.

2. Turn toward the fear. Face it directly. Look at it the way you would examine an interesting object. What does this fear actually feel like in your body? Where do you sense it most strongly?

3. Get curious, not critical. Don’t judge yourself for being afraid. Don’t try to talk yourself out of it. Simply observe what’s happening. Is your heart racing? Are your palms sweating? Notice these sensations without trying to change them.

4. Get behind your fear. What does it want to protect you from? What story is it telling you? Often, you’ll discover that your fear is based on something that might happen, not something that’s actually happening right now.

5. Breathe with it. Don’t breathe to make the fear go away. Breathe to stay present with it. Each breath is a way of saying, “I can handle this feeling.”

6. Practice regularly. Start with smaller fears before tackling the bigger ones. Each time you face a fear instead of running from it, you strengthen your heart a little more.

The goal isn’t to eliminate fear—it’s to change your relationship with it. When you stop being afraid of fear itself, you develop the heart of a lion.

Last updated on 15^th July 2025

The post The Real Source of Fear (And How to Face It) appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

What are the most pressing areas of concern in your life right now? Is it money worries that keep you awake at night? Or is it your health that troubles you? Is your work situation giving you heartburn? Select your top three concerns and write them down. Be specific. Now write down your thoughts about these issues. Do you feel stuck in your job, and have been considering quitting but haven’t taken that big, bold step? Have you been thinking of embarking on a fitness programme but you just don’t seem to get going? What do you think is holding you back?

Are they sabotaging your life?

Many of us may be tempted to blame anything—from the lack of time, to the pressure of family duties and responsibilities, to the economic situation of the nation or even luck. But, there’s one factor that you have probably not considered, which is very likely contributing a great deal to your ‘stuckness’. It is your social environment. We take on the thoughts and characteristics of those around us, unknowingly.

Think of the people with whom you spend most of your time—your friends, co-workers, spouse, anyone. Chances are, these people have been sabotaging your dreams. Now don’t get me wrong—they may be well-meaning people, who only have your best interests in their hearts. But their beliefs and behaviours influence your reality much more than you realise. And the reverse is also true—you project beliefs onto others as well. That’s why success guru Jim Rohn—a man who influenced such inspiring people like Anthony Robbins, Jack Canfield, Brian Tracy and Mark Victor Hansen—said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

It’s not difficult to see that our attitudes and behaviours are influenced by the company we keep. If you prefer healthy food but all your associates like junk, you are more likely to consume junk too; if you’re always with those who gossip, you will unknowingly participate in gossiping, even if you don’t want to; if your friends are risk-averse, chances are that you too will buy in their ideas of security; on the other hand, if they are unduly adventurous, that too is likely to reflect in your decisions.

The company you keep

So if you want to change some aspect of your life that you think isn’t reflecting your deepest desires, it’s time you reviewed the company you keep. I’m not suggesting that you resign all your friends, divorce your wife/husband or stop interacting with your co-workers. That would be absurd. But what you can do is observe the influence of other people on your life and stop associating with them in areas where you think they may hinder your progress. Avoid eating out with those whose food preferences don’t match with yours; resist sharing your dreams with those who are too practical or conservative.

And, whenever you wish to bring in a positive change in your life, make sure you share your thoughts and ideas only with those who reflect your way of thinking and living; likewise, learn about their ideas.

Let’s say you want to try your hand at entrepreneurship. No business school or best-selling book can teach you the nuances of business as effectively as the company of successful businessmen. So, the best thing to do is spend as much time as possible with successful businessmen. Isn’t that what Napolean Hill meant when he said, “Men take on the nature and the habits and the power of thought of those with whom they associate in a spirit of sympathy and harmony”?

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