In these bleak times, when the future seems grim and uncertain, we may stand to gain by cultivating “learned hopefulness”. Instead of falling prey to negativity and its concomitant emotions, we may nurture hope so that the present pandemic is not followed by an epidemic of psychological issues.

Making hope a habit

According to psychologist, Dan Tomasulo, we can intentionally promote our wellbeing by practising certain habits. In his book, Learned Hopefulness: The Power of Positivity to Overcome Depression, he provides seven strategies for enhancing our hope after surveying the psychological literature. As there is no unifying theory of hope, Tomasulo provides different tools to inject more hope into our lives.

He argues that people with high levels of hope believe they are in the driver’s seat of their lives, and are filled with zest to accomplish goals they have chalked out for themselves.  When they encounter obstacles, they exhibit resilience and resourcefulness by seeking out alternative paths. So, instead of waiting for hope to knock at your door, you can bring hope into your life, however stark and stormy it may seem in the moment. When you make hope a habit and don’t let yourself succumb to the doomsayer in your head, you have acquired learned hopefulness.

The 7 strategies of learned hopefulness

1. Look for possibilities

The first habit of hopefulness entails seeing possibilities even in the face of roadblocks. Instead of being stymied by setbacks, how can you maneuver around them? Develop what psychologist Carol Dweck calls a “growth mindset” wherein you believe that abilities, talents, skills, habits and personalities are not set in stone but amenable to change. Whereas a fixed mindset compels you to dwell on deficiencies and limitations, a growth mindset impels you to focus on possibilities and progress. Failure is not the end of the road but a reminder that you may have to course correct.

2. Focus on your blessings

Next, Tomasulo coaxes you to look out for “beauty, benefits, and blessings.” Cultivating a habit of gratitude can help you notice flecks of light even in the dimmest of days. Though the times are tough right now, list three things you can be thankful for. Most people admit that the pandemic has made them realise how much we used to take for granted before Covid catapulted our lives. Inculcate gratitude into your daily or weekly routine so that you appreciate all that is going right for you.

The post The 7 strategies of learned hopefulness appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Whatever time you do practise, make these happiness habits a ritual. And then be ready to experience a beautiful transformation in life.

5 essential daily happiness habits in just 5 minutes

Minute 1: Just breathe

It’s important because: Breathing connects us in to these wonderful bodies of ours. It grounds us. It releases tension. It relaxes body and mind. It keeps us alive! As you inhale, try visualising breathing in peaceful energy; as you exhale, imagine breathing out love. Really feel it. [Also read Breathe in—Stress out]

Minute 2: Give thanks

It’s important because: We spend most of our lives in haste, mostly unaware of all the wonder and beauty around us. When we become grateful, the universe responds in kind and we only receive more gifts. Gratitude is an essential daily happiness practice. [Also read It’s time to thank…]

Minute 3: Visualise tomorrow

It’s important because: It’s so easy to get caught up in your head. Worrying about tomorrow, and often about things you have no control over. This exercise creates the positive intention for your next day, and tells your mind ‘all is well’. It’s especially beneficial if you find it difficult to switch off from whirling thoughts.

Minute 4: Let go

It’s important because: If we’re not spending our time worrying about tomorrow, then we are usually fretting about yesterday. All the things that went wrong, the people that annoyed us, the things we wished we’d done differently. Honestly, it does you no good and only distracts you from being happy right now. [Also read 4 powerful tools for letting go, moving on and releasing regrets]

Minute 5: Give love

It’s important because: So often, the person who most needs our love and kindness is the one we most easily forget: ourselves. Give yourself love every single day and you will notice a true difference in how you feel inside. Then comes the magical part: as within, so without – you’ll naturally start to experience more love from others too. And love and happiness go hand-in-hand.

The post 5 essential happiness habits in just 5 minutes a day appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

And it occurred to me that if all the countless available stress “remedies”—books, videos, drugs, audio tapes, aroma therapy, vibrating chairs, relaxation techniques, programs, devices—are so effective, how come everyone is still stressed out?

The answer is simple. While these methods may help to ease your stress—that is, treat its symptoms—most of them do little or nothing to eliminate the causes, to reverse the stressful habits, attitudes and mindsets you’ve developed over the course of your life.

The solutions mentioned here will give you the tools, motivation and attitude changes you need to root out stress at its very source… on the multiple battlefronts of your life.

It’s time to stop the insanity and take back control of your life. Starting today. Starting now.

30 tools to help you take back control of your life

1. Do one thing at a time

Do it mindfully. Do it well. Enjoy the satisfaction. Then go on to the next thing. That’s the way to take back control of your life — one thing at a time. Multitasking might work for computers, but humans have yet to get the hang of it. A growing body of evidence affirms that trying to accomplish several things at once takes up more time overall than doing them sequentially. It consumes an excessive amount of mental energy, too, so you fatigue more quickly. The lack of focus also leads to careless mistakes, shoddy work and unreliable performance. Worst of all, having to do things over. This is no way to live. Give what you’re doing your undivided attention. Take the time to get it right. You’ll be more productive, and less stressed, in the long run. Why make yourself crazy?

2. Throw something out every day

You’ve got too much stuff in your house. Office. Garage. Attic. Useless clutter that’s weighing you down, getting in the way, obscuring the things you really need. Just looking at the stuff is stressful, to the point where physical clutter soon becomes mental clutter. The problem is getting rid of it. It’s a huge job, so you keep putting it off. But the more you put it off, the more clutter you accumulate… making it an even more humongous task to face. Here’s how to break the cycle. Every day, find one thing you don’t need and toss it. Or give it away. Or sell it at a consignment shop. Be realistic. If you’re not going to use it, lose it. Over time, the clutter will begin to vanish and space and order will magically appear in your home… and your life. Stick with this. It really works. Why make yourself crazy?

3. Cut down on competitive stress

Today, we compete for everything: the space around us, to be first to own a new product, to get our kids signed up for programs, to get our viewpoints across, to be faster, smarter, richer, sexier. Our days are filled with stressful competitions. And most are absolutely unnecessary. Because they’re driven by insecurity, fear of being left behind, an ingrained need to always have more or better than the next guy. If you wish to take back control of your life, try to get above all that. If you want to compete, vie to be the one who stays calm and in control, who isn’t easily sucked in by material things, who avoids being caught up in the daily grab-bag that robs people of health and peace of mind. Compete for that and see how pointless all those other competitions become. And how misguided those who partake in them begin to appear. Why make yourself crazy?

4. It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you react

In any given day, you’ll have progress and setbacks, triumphs and failures. That you can bet on. But as good a day as some people have, they’ll manage to find something to fret about. [“It’s just luck, it won’t last, I’m destined for misery.”] And as bad a day as others have, they’ll see the good in it. [“So what? I’m still alive, still kicking and nothing’s going to stop me”] will win over your day? And the next day? And the next? You have control over that: to enjoy your accomplishments without diminishing them; to accept your failures as opportunities to learn. You have the power to make every day a positive outcome. Because it’s not what happens to you, it’s how you react to it. Why make yourself crazy?

5. Eliminate meaningless deadlines

Our lives have become one long game of beat the clock. Crammed with arbitrary and unrealistic time constraints imposed by ourselves and others that serve only to make us more pressured, anxious and stressed out. For no worthwhile reason. Avoid the trap of assigning time frames to everything you do, especially if you have little idea how long it will take. But, you say, I need a deadline or I simply won’t get around to doing it. If that’s the case, it’s not a deadline you need, it’s a goal. Make your goal one of completing a project in a careful, professional, satisfying manner. In other words, as long as it takes to do it right. Or maybe your goal is to make the project more fun and interesting, or to develop a new and more expedient way of doing it. In any case, save your nerves and your energy for the few real deadlines we face… Why make yourself crazy?

6. Leave a cushion of time between events

Scheduling appointments, meetings, projects, luncheons, and events too closely together is a guaranteed stress fest. It leaves you vulnerable to even the slightest delays, which will occur. You’ll always have one eye on the clock and thus be distracted, rushed and prone to miss things and make mistakes. Be smart. Don’t stack up your events like planes on a runway. Life never works out that efficiently. Spread your schedule out. Always leave sufficient in-between time to allow for any unexpected bumps and delays. It will not go to waste. You’ll be glad to have those breaks to answer phone calls and email messages, take care of incidental things, and prepare yourself for your next event. That extra cushion of time will leave you less frazzled, and more productive, in the long run. Why make yourself crazy?

7. Have backups of essential items in place

So that you never run out of critical oft-used household staples like laundry detergent, milk, deodorant, toothpaste, batteries, or bathroom tissue… employ the buy-two-replace-one method. For example, buy two bottles of mouthwash. That way you’ll have an immediate replacement when the first one is used up, which will give you ample time to buy another before you run out of the second. In order to take back control of your life, make a list of those items it would be more than a little stressful to have to go without—there really shouldn’t be many—and see to it you’ve got both the item and its backup on hand. Why make yourself crazy?

8. Don’t get hung up on product features

The more bells and whistles a product has, the more there is to learn and remember, the more complicated it is to use and the more expensive it is to buy. Save yourself the waste and aggravation of overbuying your need. Get a unit that serves your main purpose simply and economically, with maybe one or two extras you’ll definitely use. Loading up on the latest gimmickery will cost you in more ways than one. There’s nothing more annoying than having to reread instructions every time you use something. Why make yourself crazy?

9. Entrust responsibility to responsible people

There are those who always have a convenient excuse for not getting it right, showing up late or botching the job entirely. And there are those who consistently, effectively and unequivocally come through for you. This isn’t luck. It’s responsibility. Not something you’re born with. Something you do. Responsibility takes effort. Concern. Pride. And perseverance. Whom do you want to entrust your children, your home, your finances, and your other important responsibilities to? Lose the whiners and stick with the winners. Why make yourself crazy?

10. Always view yourself as ahead, not behind

This small change in perspective can alter your approach to everything. When you perpetually see yourself behind schedule, never caught up, forever lacking in something… your emphasis is always on need. And that puts unrelenting, unhealthy pressure on you. But view yourself as ahead of the game [and most of us truly are] and the pressure almost immediately eases, and your needs diminish, because you’re grateful for what you already have. You can move forward confidently from a position of strength, rather than struggle from one of weakness. It’s all in the way you look at it. Why make yourself crazy?

11. Don’t over-volunteer

Resist volunteering for more than you can handle, more than your free time allows. Volunteering is great, but heavy involvement can steal important time from your family and relationships. [And it shouldn’t be used as an excuse to avoid more important obligations.] If the work becomes too demanding, simply say no. Nobody else is going to look out for you better than yourself. If we all “volunteered” to spend more time with kids, visit our parents, make loving homes, and carve out special time for ourselves, there wouldn’t be a need for so much volunteering in the first place. Why make yourself crazy?

12. Accept that people think differently than you do

You could spend your entire life trying to win over people to your point of view. The simple truth is, you won’t. At least, not everyone. Even if you present the most logical, rational, airtight arguments, some people will never see it your way. Maybe they’re proud, stubborn, stupid, or in some people will never see it your way. Maybe they’re proud, stubborn, stupid, or in some instances—did you ever stop to think?—right. If you wish to take back control of your life, don’t waste your time trying to convert the diehards. Instead, work with them, live with them, respect their differences, and be thankful the world isn’t full of people exactly like you. Why make yourself crazy?

13. Don’t say it. Do it

Boasting about the wonderful things you’re going to do for yourself and others can actually be your undoing. For one, now you’re expected to do them. Secondly, if you don’t do them you appear weak, unreliable and irresponsible. If you really want to impress people, don’t reveal what you intend to do… but simply do it. They’ll be surprised and pleased with your accomplishment, and even more moved by your modestly. And if for some reason you can’t get it done, no one will be the wiser. Why make yourself crazy?

14.  Always be equipped for an emergency

This is an important step when you wish to take back control of your life. You only need to do this once. In your car, keep a first-aid kit, jumper cables, flares, flashlight, blankets, and a fire extinguisher. Home: a first-aid kit, fire extinguishers, flashlights, candles, and a portable radio. Sports bag: first-aid kit and instant cold packs. Take the time. Make the investment. Do it today. Even if you never use them, the peace of mind alone is worth the effort and expense. Why make yourself crazy?

15. Don’t look at your crazed schedule in its entirety

It’ll freak you out…like looking over the edge of a steep cliff. You’ll swear you’ll never live through it. And stress yourself big time fretting over it. Calm down. Focus only on what you need to accomplish over the next day or so. Deal with each event as it comes. You’ll find that things have a way of sorting themselves out, refreshing breaks do sometimes open up, and other options will present themselves. Your kitchen calendar [or electronic scheduler] can look far more frightening than it really is. One thing at a time. Why make yourself crazy?

16. Be a slug one day a week

Especially if you’re a jackrabbit the other six. Sleep late. Languish in bed with the newspapers. Don’t answer the phone. Go out for brunch. It’s okay. It’s not a crime. In fact, considering how you normally abuse yourself, it’s downright virtuous. Even better, designate a day the whole family can be slugs. No shuttling the kids around frantically. No social calendar to be slave to. One way to take back control of your life is to just let things happen… lazily and naturally. It will leave you more energized and better prepared to tackle the week ahead. Why make yourself crazy?

17. Don’t let routine tasks become urgent ones

Don’t wait until: you’re out of underwear before you do your laundry; the fridge is empty before you go shopping; the cell phone dies before you recharge it. That routine task will quickly become a critical one at a time when you can least afford to deal with it. And saddle you with exasperating stress when none should exist. Keep tabs on what might soon need attention and take care of it before it rears up and bites up. Why make yourself crazy?

18. Be on time

Lateness can signal a lack of respect for those you keep waiting. At least, that’s how they might view it. However acceptable you think lateness has become, you can bet it still grates on those whose time is compromised. Aside from that, constantly running late is a stress factory. It’ll fry your nerves, make you prone to errors and accidents, weaken your immune system, age you prematurely. Get hooked on the relaxed, liberating feeling of being ahead of schedule. All it takes is planning, practice and empathy for others. Everyone wins when you’re on time. Why make yourself crazy?

19. Make the “I’m running late” phone call

When it’s fairly certain you’re not going to arrive on time, make the call. Let others know in advance you’ll be delayed. It accomplishes several things. You’ll experience an immediate unburdening of stress and a sense of relief. You won’t be keeping people hanging, fuming and wondering where you are. Your alert will allow them to alter their plans accordingly. And by the time you arrive, they will have appreciated your courtesy, adjusted to the situation and be more agreeable with you. So don’t just arrive way overdue and try to minimize it with a trite “Sorry I’m late.” Call ahead and let them know you’re delayed. Why make yourself crazy?

20. Don’t expect gratitude

You may get it, but don’t expect it. Accept that a lot of your good efforts will go unacknowledged. [And your kids will never fully appreciate you until they have children of their own!] Today, people mostly take notice when things go wrong… and take the rest for granted. So rather than repeatedly setting yourself up for disappointment, don’t expect accolades. Do it because it’s right, because it pleases you, because your reward should derive from the fruit of your labours, not the arbitrary whim of disinterested recipients. And when that infrequent expression of thanks does come your way, it will be that much sweeter. Why make yourself crazy?

21. Tell people what you expect of them

How else are they going to know what you want? And how to deliver it? When you’re the boss, the customer, the parent, the teacher… you can’t be vague or timid. You have to be clear, firm and decisive. Don’t be shy about giving orders or afraid you’ll ruffle some feathers. And you have every right, indeed obligation, to give it. You can save yourself and others a lot of frustration when you simply take command and let them know what you expect. Why make yourself crazy?

22. Don’t answer your morning emails right away

Read them, but don’t answer them—unless there’s an immediate fire to put out. They’ll sap your time and the mental energy needed for more important tasks. Save them for later when you need a break. Responding will be easier then, too, since your subconscious will be working on them all the while. [Notice how you instantly know what to say when you revisit them.] Personal messages and jokes can be especially insidious and take a big chunk out of your day. They’re like electronic water coolers. And try not to interrupt your workflow every time a new message arrives. Wait till you’ve got a bunch. The objective here: fewer distractions, more focus, less stress. Why make yourself crazy?

23. Leave yourself an extra day at the end of your vacation

Enjoy a day of transition at home to unpack, read your mail, do your laundry, reconnect with others, catch up on things, or simply relax… before heading back to work. Thrusting yourself right into your busy routine without a breather is asking for the same stress you were trying to escape in the first place. That extra day of reentry and re-acclimation can make a huge difference. Take it. Why make yourself crazy?

24. Don’t be so thin-skinned

Why let an off-the-cuff remark or minor criticism rankle you to the degree it leaves you tense, angry and unable to focus on much else? Develop a hide thick enough so that verbal slights bounce right off and get only the minimal attention they deserve. [Sometimes we misconstrue what was said, too.] Overblown reactions create unnecessary stress and negative energy. To what purpose? You can bet the off-putting remark isn’t bothering the person who delivered it! To take back control of your life, don your emotional flak-jacket and accept that you can’t always please everyone. Why make yourself crazy?

25. Lose that jarring morning alarm

If your alarm clock shocks you out of bed each day with a sudden, loud, jangling noise, you could be doing yourself harm—starting the day with a burst of unwanted stress hormones. Try one of those new wake-up clocks that lift you gently out of sleep with natural sounds like ocean surf, birds, rainfall, or babbling brooks. Some even have pleasant chime sequences that gradually increase in volume. Or wake up to an unobtrusive radio station. Set a melodious rather than dissonant note for the day. Why make yourself crazy?

26. Improve your posture

Try not to slouch. Because when you slouch—for example, slunk low in your office chair, hunched over while walking, or ensconced deeply in the cushions of your couch—it impedes the flow of blood, makes breathing more difficult, contributes to a feeling of stressful incapacity that makes it harder to hoist yourself to a task. Snap to it. Sit up straight. Profit from the energy and alertness of a good healthy posture. Why make yourself crazy?

27. Seek professional help for major stress problems

The stress we deal with here is the everyday stress, the retail stress that we more or less bring on ourselves and thus have the power to eliminate ourselves. But sometimes there are major stressful events in our lives we don’t have control over—an illness, death of a loved one, marriage breakup, loss of a job, depression, abusive relationship—that require the help of a professional therapist. In such cases, don’t put off seeking assistance, or believe that casual stress remedies are going to do the trick. There are people out there who can make an extraordinary difference in helping you get through a difficult time. Seek their counsel; they will help you take back control of your life. Why make yourself crazy?

28. Don’t talk so fast

Have you noticed how much faster the pace of normal conversation is becoming? How we rush our words, leaving no openings, anxious to complete a thought before someone else rushes in? Often having to scold our listeners with “let me finish”? It’s a sign of our hurried times. And as much as fast talking is driven by stress, it can cause stress, too. Rapid speech is highly contagious. It’s less effective, hard to follow and easily misconstrued. No matter how fast the other guy is blathering on, slow down, speak deliberately… replace speed with firmness and clarity. You’ll stay more calm and communicate more forcefully. Why make yourself crazy?

29. Set up a stress relief fund

Put aside some money, and stock it away somewhere in your house where it will be available at a moment’s notice. This is not vacation money, not typical fun money and should not be used capriciously. But when things really start cranking up and you’re all but fried…break into your emergency stress fund. Go out and do something totally unplanned and indulgent. Whether it’s a favourite restaurant, store, nightclub, sporting event, whatever… is up to you. But when things are getting too insane, declare yourself a disaster area and send in some aid. Why make yourself crazy?

30. Alternate mental and physical activities

If you work at a desk all day, don’t sit in front of TV all night. Do something active. If your job is physical, or involves being on your feet or running around, relax and exercise your mind [like reading a book] during the off hours. If our work involves both mental and physical aspects, try alternating the two throughout the day. What this does is add balance and vitality to your life. It’s more energizing, stress-reducing and healthier overall. It’s easy to get stuck in a single monotonous mode—like moving from chair to chair all day—and suppress your other self. It’s essential to exercise both your mind and body. Why make yourself crazy?

The post 30 tools to help you take back control of your life appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

There are many things that cause stress to the body at a cellular level. Some of these triggers are:

• Eating with guilt
• Exercising too hard and too much
• Lack of sleep
• Improper nutrition
• Smoking and excessive alcohol
• Emotional turmoil
• Hatred
• Envy
• Anger

…the list goes on.

Take resentment, for instance. Did you know, something as small as the inability or unwillingness to forgive can cause immense stress to the body?

Some of this stress we don’t even feel as it slowly but surely eats into us, chewing away pieces of our being. Stress lowers and destroys our immune system, making our body vulnerable to infections and diseases. Weakened immunity is known to cause lethargy and fatigue, which leads to indigestion, bloating, acidity and a number of other ailments. Thus begins the cycle of popping pills, which ultimately triggers other health problems.

If we can identify our stress triggers and manage them with awareness, the whole game changes. Of course, we will always have some stress. Who doesn’t? But how we handle it can lead us to the road to great health.

Use gratitude to heal your life

Whether it’s a client with a life-threatening illness or someone who just wants to lose weight, 90 per cent of my job revolves around working with their minds. If there is any one tool that I swear by in the healing and counselling process, it is gratitude. This simple yet powerful phenomenon changes lives.

All religions preach the virtues of being thankful. Yet, in our hectic lives, we fail to find time for it. Gratitude is magical. Many books have been written on the subject of gratitude and the benefits it brings along. Most of us are relentlessly focussed on how fat we are, or how sick we are, or how much our knee or back hurts.

The cure is never in the pill—it’s in your mind

If you want to heal an illness, focus on everything else in your body that is working well and be thankful. In other words, take your attention off the disease and put it on everything that is working for you—you will begin to recover faster. Try it! Gratitude has no boundaries. It can be practised regardless of your domination, your beliefs, customs and traditions.

Life is full of positives, negatives and everything in between. By acknowledging your sadness, heartache, worries and fears with gratitude, you can flip on your positive switch and appreciate the good that you have.

The physical benefits of gratitude

Studies have shown that acts of thankfulness and appreciation

• Trigger more time exercising
• Lower blood pressure
• Decrease the perception of pain
• Improve sleep quality
• Encourage relaxation
• Lower depression symptoms
• Increase overall energy

In other words, by taking the time to show gratitude you improve your health, both mentally and physically, thus bettering the quality of your life as a whole.

Try this exercise

On a sheet of paper, list all the things that you are grateful for. Really feel what you pen down. If you are struggling to lose weight, be grateful that you have healthy legs to walk, run or work out with. If you have work stress, be grateful that you have a job or a business. If you have relationship stress, be thankful that you have people in your life who care about you. No matter what your situation, you can always find something to be thankful for. And that starts the process of healing. The cure is never in the pill—it’s in your mind.

Continue your efforts to eat clean, sleep well, and stay physically active, and then let your body do the rest. Whenever you find yourself stressed, worried and anxious, stop and count your blessings. Practising gratitude enriches your life and the lives of those around you. It also helps you focus on possibilities which, in turn, helps you achieve your goals in all spheres of life.

Gratitude is a simple route to get your life back on track, to gain back our positive focus and manifest your desires.

Most problems in life exist because we choose to focus on them. And we don’t just focus on the situation, but rather focus on the negative part of it. We get obsessed with our problem and close the door to the “big picture,” or the bright side of the equation. If you are consistently complaining about things, stop it now. This will automatically make you focus on the positives. Apply gratitude to your health and lifestyle and watch in awe as it transforms your whole life.

The post Struggling to lose weight? Try gratitude! appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Every individual must give his or her own consent to being happy. Unhappiness is also a choice, evidenced by individuals who are addicted to constant grumbling and complaining. As a simple example of how little it takes to get us hooked, consider pet peeves. Woe unto that person who triggers our pet peeves! Whether it’s someone who gets in front of us in the “10 items or less” grocery checkout line and actually has a minimum of 18 things loaded into his cart, or the individual who dashes into our parking place just as we are getting ready to turn into it, we can make ourselves miserable over our pet peeves. We’ll even devote 15 precious minutes complaining about such events to a friend on the phone. As Gurdjieff, a Russian teacher and mystic observed, “A man will renounce pleasure, but he will not give up his suffering.” Strangely, negative individuals live in a paradox where unhappiness gives them a sense of false happiness. Have you ever had a person affirm your suffering, yet accuse you of being in denial when you indicated you still felt a sense of well-being in the midst of it? Perhaps it is this mindset that gave birth to the saying “misery loves company.”

Sadness is not the opposite of happiness

Sometimes what is required is to re-frame our definition of happiness. Happiness is not the absence of sadness. Sadness is the complement to happiness. It is absolutely possible to remain happy while being aware that sadness is passing through us.

We have somehow bought into the belief that sadness is a synonym for depression. The collective mind of our society has reached a consensus that the slightest onset of sadness requires an immediate remedy, be it a medical prescription or the self-medication of our choice. This is a misunderstanding. Sadness can open our hearts, touch our soft spot and gift us with compassion for our own and the challenges of others. It can open us to our true feelings so that we can begin working with them; it can create space for qualities of mind to manifest such as patience and loving-kindness for ourselves and others. Sadness is a doorway to profound growth and self-awareness. We can simultaneously experience sadness and grieve our losses knowing that we have everything we need within us to see us through, to support us as we use skillful means to navigate the ever-changing terrain of life. In contrast, genuine depression brings impairment in our work, self-care, and social activities, and requires professional attention.

As we begin to consciously choose happiness as a way of life, we are led to the realisation that joy is our natural state of being

That real happiness is not conditioned by outer circumstances is a fact that cannot be overstated. Dostoevsky’s insight reveals how we may actualise this unconditionedness: “In suffering, look for happiness.” Any day of the week we can read or hear about everyday people who have been elevated to heroes and heroines because they maintained their joy and zest for life amidst circumstances that were anything but happy. Did they possess skills superior to the average person? No. They tapped into the inexhaustible deep roots of happiness within the human spirit, roots that transcend life’s external conditions and cannot be destroyed by the dust and grit of the journey. Nothing and no one can remove the fountain of happiness that is our ground of being. Nor can they interrupt its flow. We hold the key to freedom in our hands when we become aware that we alone are responsible for our state of being.

When we are happy our hearts and minds are open, receptive, flexible, creative and teachable—qualities that are prerequisites for success. As we begin to consciously choose happiness as a way of life, we are led to the realisation that joy is our natural state of being. Happiness enriches us. Happiness generates more happiness.

Why material goods can’t bring lasting happiness

Now happiness isn’t simply about decorating the ego, such as adding a new credential after our name, collecting award plaques for our walls, or fame and fortune. As lovely and rewarding as these experiences are, they give only superficial, temporary pleasure. Happiness is not about acquisition, such as when we buy a new car. For weeks after we drive our prized possession off the lot we enjoy that wonderful aroma of “newness” that hits the olfactory nerves each time we enter our vehicle. Soon enough, however, that pleasant fragrance turns into the smell of stale green tea and we must begin looking for a replacement. So let us not confuse happiness with pleasure. Pleasure is temporary, fleeting, whereas happiness is a constant.

When the energy of our thought-forms radiates out into life, universal law responds. Whether we are conscious of it or not, we are given constant feedback from the Universe. If your thought-form of happiness is owning a TV screen that is bigger than your overall vision for your life and the TV breaks down, then you have lost the source of your happiness. Certainly we are to enjoy the pleasures of human existence, but grasping at material baubles or being constantly entertained so that we can remain anti-bored until we die cannot substitute for the unconditional happiness that comes from consciously participating in a co-creative relationship with the Spirit, and living in alignment with the harmonic laws governing the universe. So what are the inroads to such a relationship?

The bane of human experience is that human beings think they know how the Universe should answer their prayers

Inroads to a relationship with the Spirit

The first way

First, we tap directly into the root of our inherent joy through time-tested practices such as meditation, affirmative prayer, contemplation, spiritual study, Life Visioning and selfless service. In this way we imbue our egoic, mental, physical, financial, professional, communal, relational, and spiritual life structures with that joy. Harmonious relationships, creativity, prosperity and generosity of heart become the hallmarks of our outer successes.

The second way

A second way is to move through life with an affirmative point of view, a “yes” approach, which maintains an openness and receptivity to the field of infinite possibilities. A person whose life-view is affirmative radiates a glow from within that is highly magnetic and contagious. Luminosity radiates from an authentically happy individual and cannot be extinguished, hijacked or robbed by external circumstances.

The third way

The third way is to realise that we are on the planet to deliver our gifts, talents and skills without attachment to the outcome. When we remain non-attached we go beyond mentally limiting our good to that which, we are convinced, we need to be happy. The bane of human experience is that human beings think they know how the Universe should answer their prayers. As I teach in the Life Visioning Process and in my book Spiritual Liberation, we are here not to make something happen; we are here to let ourselves be available as a distribution centre for that which is possible on a cosmic level. This can be a challenge to goal setting, which always seeks a successful outcome that makes us look and feel good. Our part, however, is to make our delivery with all the passion, creativity, intelligence and non-attachment that we can, to offer it as an unconditional gift that seeks no reward, that has no agenda other than to give of itself.

The fourth way

The fourth way to genuine happiness is to drop our false sense of self-importance, our egoic notions that the world revolves around us. Just as it was believed that the sun revolved around the Earth until modern science proved that it is Earth that revolves around the sun, so is the fallacy that happiness revolves around an egocentric way of life giving way to a new paradigm that happiness is a world-centric way of life. When we slow down our speedy mind we become more present and mindful of how we can reach out to support others right on the spot, which can be as simple as taking the time to open a door for someone to saving a life. Arrogance is replaced by humility; self-absorption is replaced by the realisation of our interconnectedness to our world family. Being of service to others is welcomed as an opportunity to open and expand the heart beyond the narrow confines of living life on the “me plan.”

The fifth way

Gratitude is the fifth way to tap into the wellspring of happiness. It is interesting to observe how often our attention goes to what we don’t have, while gratitude for what we do have is pushed into the background. Gratitude heals the spiritual astigmatism of lack and limitation; it clarifies the mind so that we may see the opportunities and possibilities which abundantly surround us. The saying that “opportunity only knocks once” is the product of a limited understanding of the generosity of the Universe. Gratitude is acceptance of the Good that is ours when we know ourselves to be worthy of receiving it.

The natural urge of the human being is to share. Generosity takes us directly into the heart of happiness because it gives expression to our oneness with every man, woman, and child gracing the planet. When we hear on the news or read about individuals who, on a global scale, share their wealth to uplift the lives of others, it is very moving and inspiring. Equally or even more touching is how everyday people in our local community send donations or items to support a perfect stranger whose plight they just learned about on the news, a person from whom they will receive no public acknowledgment of their givingness. We may think to ourselves, “I’d like to do such a wonderful thing.” The truth is that each of us can. Whether it’s a dollar given with a loving heart, or millions of dollars to an organisation that feeds a nation, the universe rejoices.

The happiness we give to others returns to us multiplied abundantly

Harvard researchers conducted a study that showed how giving—no matter how simple in form—is such a potent immune booster that it can be experienced just by watching someone else in the act of giving. What a powerful statement about our inter-connectedness! In this well-known experiment students watched a film of Mother Teresa as she tended the sick in Calcutta. When tested, even those that insisted they weren’t particularly fans of Mother Teresa had increased their immune function.

A person filled with happiness is one who has captured a vision for his or her life that is beyond living on the me and mine plan. When our purpose in life encompasses more than fulfilling our individual desires and includes the happiness of others, we will know the meaning of true wealth. Through heartfelt acts of generosity we create and sustain a cycle of happiness, and the happiness we give to others returns to us multiplied abundantly.

Is happiness possible in the times we live in?

Considering all the challenges we are currently facing in our world, happiness may seem a frivolous intention. We cannot deny the circumstances and events human beings are grappling with at this time in our history. Any meaningful discussion about happiness cannot ignore the pains of war, genocide, slavery, human trafficking, immigration challenges, AIDS, economic collapse, starvation, poverty, or the depletion of Earth’s resources. And yet, when we examine the lives of individuals who have made and continue to make a tremendous impact in forwarding the causes of justice, peace, and honouring the dignity of all beings—luminaries such as Nelson Mandela, Dr. A. T. Ariyaratne, Mother Teresa, Gandhi, Thich Nhat Hanh, Martin Luther King, Jr., the Dalai Lama—we see that in spite of their endless challenges they maintained their inner equanimity, their integral happiness. Remaining attuned to their inner core of happiness gave them the perseverance, the compassion, the courage and strength to forge ahead despite seemingly impossible obstacles. They demonstrate for us how inner joy can be experienced in the midst of extraordinarily challenging situations, and that what they have done so may we do, each in our own simple yet impactful way.

Let us all take heart knowing that right on the ground where we now stand, we may anchor happiness on the planet and share it with all those who we come in contact with.

The post Tapping the root of happiness appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Practicing couple yoga with your partner can help build trust and boost intimacy between the two of you. Regular practice of couple yoga will help you find deep love for yourself and your partner. Not only will each of you feel centered, relaxed and confident about yourselves, but you will also begin to relate better with each other — you will find yourself being more loving, tolerant, and accepting towards your beloved.

Before you begin each session, say, “Thank you,” in advance to your partner for the spiritual experience in which you both will participate. Expressing gratitude shows your loved one that you have confidence in their ability to embark on this journey.

7 couple yoga poses to strengthen your relationship

Start by breathe slowly and deeply. Bring your attention to the present moment. Connect with your body and notice that your partner is with you too — in body, mind, and spirit. Now you can begin practising the couple yoga poses. Remember to have fun doing it while giving it your all.

1. Twin Trees

Start by standing a few feet apart from your partner, facing the front.

Next, move your palms toward each other, with the arms in a T-shape, or draw your elbows and palms together in the shape of a cactus.

Start to shift your weight onto your right foot and draw the left leg into tree pose by bending the knee and bringing the left foot to the right ankle, calf or inner thigh.

Your partner will shift the weight onto his or her left foot and bring the right foot to the left ankle, calf or inner thigh.

Help to balance each other for five breaths. Then release each other, turn around to face the back and repeat on the opposite side.

2. Couples Down Dog/ Back Bend

Start this pose with your partner in downward facing dog.

Then take your partner deeper in their stretch, by placing your feet in between his or her hands and lowering yourself onto his or her back.

Stretch your arms overhead and give yourself a backbend in this position.

Stay for several breaths and then swap places.

3. Chair Pose with Partner

Start by facing each other, standing with feet hip-width apart.

Inhale as you extend your arms out to your partner.

Holding each others hands, begin to bend your knees and squat. Make sure that the knees do not cross your feet.

Try to take your thighs as parallel to the floor as possible. In this pose, the taller partner will have to provide more support to the shorter one.

Stay in this pose for five breaths.

4. Partner Twist

Begin in a seated position, with your legs crossed and your spines touching each other.

Inhale and raise your arms over your head, holding each other’s hands or wrists, and start to lengthen the spine.

Exhale and twist to the right. As you do so, bring your right hand on your partner’s left knee and your left hand on your right knee or thigh. Your partner should mirror the movement.

Hold this pose for five breaths. Then exhale, untwist and repeat on the opposite side.

Not only does the twist assist in cleansing and detoxifying the body, but it also gives you a chance to initiate playfulness with your partner.

5. Partner Forward Fold

To begin, sit opposite each other, with both your legs extended in a V-shape.

Bring the soles of your feet together. Then extend your arms toward each other and hold your partner’s wrist or forearm. Inhale as you lengthen your spine and exhale as you start to bend forward, with your heart moving towards your partner rather than downward to the floor.

Hold for five breaths.

6. Partner Breathing

Sit crossed legged, with your back resting against your partner’s, and your spines touching each other’s. Your hands should rest on your thighs.

Allow yourself to feel and connect with your partner through inhalations and exhalations.

Start to breathe alternately with your partner, so that as you inhale, he or she exhales; conversely, as she or he inhales, you exhale. Repeat for three minutes.

This exercise helps you to connect with your partner, to be aware of your breathing, and to open your heart.

7. Boat Pose

Begin by sitting on opposite sides of the mat, keeping the legs together. Hold your partner’s hands outside your hips.

Keeping your spine straight, raise your legs and touch your sole to your partner’s. Try to find balance as you straighten your legs up to the sky.

You can start practising this pose by straightening only one leg at a time, till you find the balance.

Stay in this pose for five breaths, consciously gazing into your partner’s eyes.

To get out of the pose, slowly lower your legs and let your hands go.

This was first published in the October 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

The post Couple yoga poses to strengthen your relationship (With photos) appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Nithya Shanti is an internationally respected spiritual teacher, seminar leader, writer and educator, committed to sharing practical wisdom teachings for happiness and enlightenment with people in a joyful and transformational way.

Blending a deep study of ancient scriptures, along with a broad survey of contemporary discoveries, Nithya Shanti specializes in facilitating profound shifts in awareness for people to release limitations and awaken latent potentials for a fulfilling life. Learn more about his seminars and retreats on his website.

The post A quick and beautiful morning practice for a joyous day ahead appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

When I was 11 years old, I began to use a secret power, setting events in motion that have taken me to places I’ve only dreamed of and beyond. It is a phenomenon that has continued to manifest positive outcomes to this day.

It is the power of enthusiasm

It all began when my father built a “dream machine” for my younger brother and me in our backyard. If you had seen it, you would have said it was a tree-house, but for me, it was truly a dream machine. I can remember climbing up, usually at dusk, as the stars began to twinkle across the big Texas sky, and dream of all that I believed was possible, leaving behind the reality of my life.

Looking back, I realised that even my parents used this power to visualise their dream for their sons: the education they could never afford.

To save for that goal, my dad moved us into the back of his tiny barber shop which was located in a small strip centre on the Eastside of San Antonio, Texas. I shined shoes and watched as he treated every customer as if they were the first patron of the day.

He wasn’t selling haircuts. He was selling an experience, spiced with enthusiasm.

After every haircut, for which my dad charged a dollar, I would run to the corner drug store and change the bill into quarters. My dad kept several empty cigar boxes inside a cabinet in the barber shop. Each one represented a fund. One was for rent, one for groceries, one for our education and so on. I can still see him placing each coin in the box and hearing the tiny clink it made. When I think of that now, I realise what he did to provide for his family, one quarter at a time. It was a sound and a lesson I will never forget. The sound of enthusiasm.

Fasten your seatbelt. I am about to tell you how I believe enthusiasm works, why it works and, most importantly, how it can work for you.

What is enthusiasm?

The word enthusiasm comes from the Greek word, enthousiasmos. En means in and theos means God or spirit. So, to be enthusiastic literally means, “to have the spirit within”.

It was that spirit that launched my vision of the future as I sat quietly in my “dream machine”, imagining all that I believed was possible. I’d like to humbly share three personal dreams that illustrate how the use of enthusiasm not only manifests abundance, but can also accelerate the positive outcome you desire.

Dream number one: Radio

For as long as I can remember, I have been fascinated with the wonder of radio. I would listen to the “man in the speaker” and just know that someday I would be that man. When my head hit the pillow every night, under it was a transistor radio with the volume barely turned up so only I could hear the music, the banter, the magic.

I decided to create my own radio shows, using my small tape recorder and portable record player. While talking into the microphone in one hand, I played and changed the records with the other, producing my five minute “shows”. I would play these “pretend programmes” for my friends, one at a time, on the phone. That’s how badly I wanted to be the “man in the speaker”.

While attending the University of Texas at El Paso, I landed my first radio job, making a whopping $1.25 an hour. [I thought I had died and gone to heaven!] Was it possible to get paid for having this much fun?

Within six short years from the time I left home, my career had taken me to the airwaves of one of the top stations in the nation: KMPC Radio in Los Angeles. My unbridled enthusiasm and love of radio had brought me to where I knew I would someday arrive. The moment I dreamed it, I already had. While my microphone had changed from that small tape recorder in the back of my father’s barber shop to a 50,000 watt signal in one of the largest radio markets in the world, my reason for doing it had not: to share my joy.

“Everything you can imagine is real.”
—Pablo Picasso

Dream number two: Cartoons

At an early age I discovered an almost uncanny ability to mimic voices and sounds I heard. One afternoon, after school, I was watching my favourite cartoon show, Yogi Bear, and a little duck named Yakky Doodle kept following Yogi, saying, “Mr Bear, would you be my momma?”

I turned off the set and decided that I could mimic that voice and, one day, I would do voices for cartoons. Keep in mind that I’m sitting there, watching a black and white Philco TV [Google it!] with a coat hanger for an antenna, not realising that cartoon voice artists are professionals, live in Hollywood and have years of experience.

It took a few weeks, after practising day after day, to finally re-create the little duck’s voice. It was exactly as I had heard it. I was only a kid, but I had been able to do it because I didn’t know that I couldn’t.

Fast-forward to my radio show in Los Angeles. An agent calls me and says something like, “I’ve heard all your voices on radio and was wondering, have you ever thought about doing cartoons?” Was he kidding?! I’d dreamed about it! Within days, I had my first job providing voices for new episodes of The Jetsons cartoon series, working at the Hanna-Barbera Studios: the home of Yogi Bear and that little duck!

Once again, what my enthusiastic boyhood imaginings had set into motion had come to be true. By the way, it was during those sessions that I met and worked with the legendary Mel Blanc. He provided the voice of “Mr Spacely” who was “George Jetson’s” boss on the popular series.

Mr Blanc was a legend and perhaps, the greatest cartoon voice artist of all-time, giving life to countless characters, including Bugs Bunny, Elmer Fudd, Sylvester the Cat and Tweedy, Foghorn Leghorn and more, many more.

He became a mentor, teaching me many of these famous voices. In doing so he also taught me that the “ladder of life” is one hand extended to someone who pulls you up to where they are, while you extend your other hand to pull someone where you are.

Dream number three: Disney

As a child, one of my secret dreams was to be a part of the magic Walt Disney had created. I didn’t know how or when, I just knew I wanted to join in the fun. After all, I was already a card-carrying member of the Mickey Mouse Club!

That door “magically” opened in 1981, when I got wind that Disney was planning its own presence on worldwide cable and satellite TV: The Disney Channel. The idea of hosting a Disney programme was over the moon and the sun! I went to work writing a treatment for a weekly show I titled, “Saturday in the Park”. Somehow, my agent was able to get me in front of the Disney “suits”—the decision-makers. My heart was beating out of my chest as I drove onto Disney’s Buena Vista Studios in Burbank.

With great enthusiasm, I presented my idea of leading a small army of children in parks across America, explaining how our guest stars would suddenly appear in various settings and perform for our audience, both at home, and at the park. Staring back at me were three men and a lady who would occasionally turn to the others and raise her brow.

“They’re not buying it,” I thought to myself, but I refused to let my guard down. I truly believed in the concept. I believed in Disney.

As I finished, they spoke softly among themselves, then said something that I will remember for the rest of my life. “Sonny, that’s a nice idea, but it’s not what we’re looking for. However, we think you’d be perfect for another show we’re producing, called, You and Me, Kid!”

Sometimes opportunity knocks. Sometimes it taps gently on your window. And, sometimes it drives by and you must run out to the street and flag it down with great enthusiasm!

“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.”
—Walt Disney

These three dreams and their outcome serve to illustrate the influence of enthusiasm on well-intentioned ambitions. I referred to it as a “secret power” because I am convinced that the real secret lies in the mantra: Never stop thinking like a child. You are not just the age you are; you are every age you ever were. Let the kid inside you come out and play!

The elements of successful enthusiasm

I’ve found that there are distinct elements that enhance the full force of enthusiasm. They are: Vision, Commitment, Action, Belief, Gratitude and Servitude.

Vision

Much has been written about the importance of “the feeling” one has when one is filled with enthusiasm. It is my experience that it comes from why we set out to accomplish, rather than what it is we visualise. Sir Edmund Hillary, the first man to climb Mt. Everest, said, “People do not decide to become extraordinary. They decide to accomplish extraordinary things.”

Consider the story of American swimmer, Florence May Chadwick, who, at age 31, became the first woman to swim the English Channel both ways in 1950 – 51. And, while many consider this to be her crowning glory, Ms Chadwick had another dream to accomplish: Become the first person to swim the 26 mile channel between Catalina Island and the California Coast.

On a foggy morning in 1952, she attempted to swim the distance. There was a thick fog, the waters were choppy and men on row boats, at times, fired shotguns to scare off occasional circling sharks. Florence began to doubt her own ability and told her mother she wasn’t sure she could make it, swimming for another hour before asking to be pulled out of the water. Around that time, the fog began to lift and she saw the shore only a mile away.

Two months later, with the vision of the shoreline emblazoned in her mind, under the same exact conditions, she reached her goal in less time than her previously failed attempt. Florence later told a reporter that it was the vision of her destination that kept her going.

Commitment

Legendary Hall of Fame football coach, Vince Lombardi, once said, “Most fail, not because of lack of desire, but because of lack of commitment.”

Let’s face it: everyone has dreams and desires of things they’ll accomplish one day. But it’s the commitment to making it happen that shows true character. In his book, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience, Steve Maraboli begs us to “Set the standard! Stop expecting others to show you love, acceptance, commitment and respect when you don’t even show that to yourself.”

Action

While commitment is the contract, action is the work. It is the seeds you plant daily that bring you the fruit of your labour.

While living in Los Angeles, I was having lunch with an actor friend one afternoon. He was lamenting that after two years of giving audition after audition, he hadn’t landed a single job.

I asked, “What are you doing to grow your craft?”

He said, “What do you mean?”

“What are you doing to grow your craft?” I repeated.

“Going to auditions!” he replied.

I explained that, perhaps, the reason he wasn’t progressing in his career was because he wasn’t doing his part to prepare for success. Then, I came up with a simple formula: Every day, before you play, do three things that will bring your closer to your goal.

In his case, it could be attending an acting workshop, writing a letter to a producer, working on creating a one-man show. I asked him to imagine these actions as three seeds he was planting in his garden of realisation. If you do the math, three seeds a day, five days a week [taking weekends off] equals to 15 seeds a week and 60 seeds a month equals to 720 seeds planted in the next 12 months. [How much better would you become, applying this formula to your craft or goal?]

A year later, I ran into my friend who told me that he had been cast in a new sitcom. The seeds-of-action he had planted had taken root and when the opportunity came, he was prepared!

Belief

This is the foundation and the strongest element of success through the use of enthusiasm. When you truly believe in what you see, your vision begins to take on a life of its own. People, resources and circumstances will begin to appear.

Coincidences are just that, co-incidences or two related incidences that seem to have happened by chance. That chance is created by belief. As Einstein puts it, “Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.”

The vision of your dream, no matter your level of enthusiasm, can be a lonely experience. Even those closest to you—your mate, best friend or family—cannot see what you see. Some may discourage you by questioning your efforts. Know that, while they may mean well, it’s not their fault. After all, they want what’s best for you.

Don’t give up.

Gratitude

A college professor wanted to teach his students the concept of gratitude. During his first class of the day, at 8am, he asked everyone to draw a line down the centre of a sheet of paper. “On the left side,” he instructed, “I want you to list all the things you dislike about your life. Then, on the right side, list everything you are happy about.”

After several minutes, most of the students had a much longer list on the left side of their papers. As they slowly finished, he said, “Count the number of items on the left and remember that number.”

Next to his desk was a large box of potatoes, next to a pile of burlap sacks. He told them to come forward and place the number of potatoes in a sack that represented the number of their displeasures in life. Finally, he asked them to carry the load from class to class and when someone asked, to tell them what the potatoes represented.

By noon, there were abandoned sacks of potatoes throughout the campus.

These students were tired of lugging around their “baggage of the past”, and thus, realised a new found perspective of gratitude.

Robert A Emmons, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis, spent years studying gratitude and found that “people who practised gratitude daily [for example: writing in a journal] reported higher levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness and energy than those who didn’t.”

Servitude

When you drive to a radio station at 4am to do a morning radio show, there aren’t a lot of choices when it comes to grabbing breakfast at a fast food drive-through along the way. The same can be said for the level of service at that time of the day.

But one morning everything changed as I pulled up to the speaker of a local restaurant to order a couple of breakfast tacos and a cup of coffee. [In case you’re not familiar with them, breakfast tacos are made of scrambled eggs and usually a couple of strips of bacon, served on freshly made tortillas. Delicious!]

Instead of hearing the normal monotone voice asking for my order, I heard: “Welcome to Taco Cabana. How may I serve you?” The voice was as pleasant as the words. Music to my ears at 4am.

When I pulled up to the window I found a lovely lady named Ruby who introduced herself and told me that if I would wait “just a second” she’d see that the bacon was “nice and fresh”. She said all this while putting the cream and sweetener I had asked for into the cup. After stirring the coffee, she carefully placed the plastic cover and even pulled back the little flap that always seems to break off. I watched in disbelief and could hardly wait to share the experience with my radio audience.

Every morning, afterward, I would pull up and receive the same service Ruby cheerfully provided to all her now loyal customers. Through our brief conversations, I found out that she was a single mom and was saving to send her teenage son to college. How easy it would have been for this lady to lament her circumstances and wonder what happened to her life as she tried to make ends meet, while working for minimum wage in the middle of the night.

Not Ruby.

She had plans for herself and her enthusiastic attitude was going to get her to where she was going. Then, one morning she did something that I share with audiences every time I speak.

Let me back up and say that because I enjoyed giving prizes on my radio show, it was not unusual for someone to stop me on the street and ask if I have any movie passes, CD’s, etc.

Well, that’s what I thought was happening when Ruby casually asked one morning, “Sonny, you wouldn’t by any chance have any tickets for tonight’s Spurs basketball game, would you?”

“No Ruby, I’m afraid I don’t.”

[I thought to myself that if anyone deserves to ask, it was Ruby.]

Ruby, then, reached into her pocket and said, “Well, I would like you to have mine. You see I was chosen Employee of the Month and they gave me these tickets. Since I can’t go I thought I would give them to my best customer.”

My eyes welled up because of the lesson I had just learned from this beautiful human being. I graciously accepted her kind offer and thanked her for her generosity. I gladly report that today, Ruby is office manager for a city department and no longer works graveyard hours.

Her attitude determined her altitude. Moreover, she has given many of us the true meaning of the phrase, “How may I serve you?”

Enthusiasm is infectious and serves to inspire those around you. Would you rather be around someone who is filled with optimism or someone who exudes negativity?

Three common myths about enthusiasm

Myth: Enthusiasm is a personality trait. You are either born with it or you are not.

Truth: This is like saying, you are either born knowing how to swim or you are not. Enthusiasm begins with what you want and how badly you want it. Where there is enthusiasm, there is a way!

Myth: You have to feel enthusiastic. You can’t just act that way.

Truth: Dale Carnegie used to say, “If you want to be enthusiastic, act enthusiastic!” You can put the cart before the horse. That is, you can become the enthusiastic individual you want to be by acting the part. Sooner or later, you will no longer be acting.

Myth: People who are enthusiastic are a turn-off to others.

Truth: Enthusiasm is infectious and serves to inspire those around you. Would you rather be around someone who is filled with optimism or someone who exudes negativity?

How to use enthusiasm in your everyday life

• Start your day with the idea that nothing will deter your inner spirit. For instance, if traffic is especially heavy on your way to work, use the time to focus on ideas rather than manufacture unnecessary anxiety.
• Be aware of words you use to describe yourself. Phrases like, “Well, with my luck…,” “Story of my life!” or “At this rate, I’m never going to…” become affirmations and are counter-productive.
• Imagine you are a human laser with the ability to zap anyone you see with positive energy. Silently, wish the best for them, then, blast your positive beam toward them. [This may sound silly, but what you are doing is sending a message to the universe about what you want for yourself.]
• Encourage others. One of my favourite quotes of all-time was written by a philosopher who lived in the first century named Philo of Alexandria. He said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.” Centuries later, these words were never truer. Your kind word, or just a smile, may be the best thing that happens to someone all day. Make it a habit to practise deliberate acts of kindness.
• Show enthusiasm by the clothes you wear, the way you walk and through your body language. Exude your joy.
• Wrap enthusiasm around the moments of your life. Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now, urges us to “Realise deeply that all we ever have is the present moment.”

The gift

Enthusiasm involves suspending disbelief and “meeting your dreams halfway”.

Imagine you’re sitting in a comedy club, watching a talented comic impressionist. You don’t fold your arms and say, “That’s not who you are!” You know that they are not the person being impersonated, but your mind delights in “meeting them halfway”, resulting in the gift of laughter.

So it is with enthusiasm. You are trusting that you truly can succeed. It is that trust that results in the gift of purpose-filled accomplishment.

One final thought

Remember that the power of enthusiasm works best when you are coming from a place of what you can do for someone else. Rather than saying, “What’s in it for me?” Ask yourself, “What’s within me for others?”

Our life’s true measure lies in how we treat those who can do nothing for us. That’s when you’ll know its happening.

That’s your spirit within.

The post The unstoppable power of enthusiasm! appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Gratitude is the road to happiness

Doing an activity we enjoy—be it gardening, watching movies, or meeting friends— makes us feel temporarily happy. However, one of the surest and most fulfilling ways to experience happiness is to have a heart filled with gratitude. Over the decades, research has shown that people who express gratitude have a better sense of wellbeing as compared to those who don’t.

For most people expressing gratitude isn’t as easy [or rather doesn’t come as naturally] as complaining. Gratitude is more than saying, “Thank you,” when someone greets you or brings you a gift or does a kind deed. True gratefulness is more than just a customary greeting or expression; it needs to genuinely come from the heart. It is a thanksgiving, to honour and appreciate those who unknowingly enrich our lives in the course of just being themselves, without an aim to please us.

What I’m grateful for…

When I started understanding the nature of gratitude, I felt my heart genuinely reach out to all the beings [living or non-living] that have helped me be who I am today. I realised I am grateful not only for those who were kind and loving to me but also for those who hurt me; from a friend who was there for me in my hour of need, to a friend who wasn’t there for me even after being called.

Although my first reaction was to despise the ones who hurt me, I realised upon reflection that they were teaching me something about myself. All my hurtful and painful experiences made me connect with my innate potential of managing myself and being independent. In a way, these people helped me discover my hidden qualities and stay integrated without labelling or judging their behaviour.

Express gratitude daily

One of the ways in which you can experience the beauty of gratitude is by practising it daily. As soon as you wake up in the morning, be grateful for the night that passed and the morning that is to come. Here are a few things you can do to include gratitude in your everyday life:

1. Reflect for five minutes every day on the things that make you happy.
2. Keep a ‘thanksgiving journal’ in which you can pen down the incidents for which you feel grateful.
3. Send an email, text message, or handwritten letter to the person towards whom you feel grateful. Best could be making a call or meeting them if time and distance permits.

Do remember…

Most of the time, our memories tend to favour experiences and situations in which we felt good or in which people were good to us. However, it is easy to be grateful for the good times. I’d request you to look at the situations that seemed hurtful or awkward and then introspect on the changes that may have occurred in you after each situation. Once this is done, you will realise the shift the situation brought in for you to be a better person. This will allow you to experience the beauty of gratitude.

The post Gratitude: the key to happiness appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

And then I got involved with yoga, spirituality and finally Kundalini Yoga. While practising Kundalini Yoga I came to one major conclusion, “If your presence does not work for you, nothing will.” You can have a room with three people in it. Someone walks in, nobody notices him. Or you can have a room with a 1000 people in it and one person walks in, and everyone stops what they are doing to look at this person. What do you think is the difference?

It is the calibre of the person.

When you walk into a room, your aura and your energy field is instantly recognised by every soul in that room. Every one of those souls knows exactly what you are all about. The people in whose body those souls reside may not know it but their souls do.

Haven’t you regretted a relationship or a business deal with someone and told yourself, “Oh, I had a gut feeling about not doing business with him and I should have listened to it.” That was your soul talking to you and telling you what it read about the energy of the other person.

So, all those years that I spent trying to ‘learn’ things to better my business skills were a waste of my time. Whether you want to impress your boss, your girlfriend or people around you in general, you should know that all of that is possible if you understand the meaning of calibre. Perfecting your calibre not only attracts people to you but also brings abundance, bliss and joy into your life.

We all have an aura—a magnetic field. Our actions determine whether this field will expand with time and keep expanding or it will shrink down to the bare minimum on account of those actions.

There are six fundamental truths to expanding your magnetism:

Honesty

Living an honest life, not lying to anyone, not cheating anyone and never coveting what does not belong to you, expands your aura. Every time you cheat someone or grab something that is not yours, it shrinks your magnetic field.

Humility

When you look at another soul, what are your thoughts? If you feel you are superior or are condescending to them, hurt their feelings out of your pride, you automatically shrink your aura. Being humble and living with grace is one of the most powerful ways to expand your aura.

Intention

When you meet someone, do you want something out of him or her? When you advise a client, do you have their interest at heart or do you just want to squeeze them off their money? When you say I love you to your loved one, are you being authentic or are you expecting something in exchange? You wear your agenda on your sleeve. Souls around you sense your intention and are immediately repulsed with ulterior motives and shenanigans. Having pure and clean intentions attracts positive energies and gives a big boost to your magnetic field.

Gratitude

You don’t really need to shell out a lot of money to thank someone. When you feel gratitude for someone’s actions deeply from within your heart, it is more than enough. Even if that person is not looking at you or even near you, your soul’s expression of gratefulness creates a wave that reaches that person and is registered with their soul. This flow of grateful energy is expansive and beautiful.

Compassion

This one’s definitely the most powerful. When you have love flowing out from your heart, your soul soars high; almost as if you are levitating. With compassion you heal yourself, cleanse your chakras and purify your soul. This expansion of energy is so powerful that it attracts anything that you wish for or need. Your aura shines and your skin radiates with the glow of love and kindness. Loving is the ultimate booster for our magnetic fields.

Wisdom

Wisdom is not gained from reading self-help books and listening to get-rich-quick audios. Wisdom comes from just knowing the stillness, the silence of your soul. It comes from understanding the texture of your soul and the purpose of your life. The ability to see the simplicity in complexity of life, and bliss even in the pain—that is true wisdom. The wisdom of being in a state of Zen comes from always being in bliss, peace, harmony.

When you adhere to the six truths, you live a life that is continuously evolving, growing and you keep climbing up the spiritual ladder. This adds to your calibre, your charisma, and when people see you they understand the meaning of the phrase “If your presence does not work for you, nothing will.”

The author is a kundalini yoga teacher and founder of www.anahata.in

This was first published in the January 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

The post Cultivate your magnetism appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.