• Title: SPARK — Journey from Success to Significance
• Author: Azim Jamal
• Published in India by: JAICO Books
• Price: INR 399
• ISBN: 978-93-93559-09-8

Reimagining success

Travel can be transformative in ways that we can’t fathom. SPARK is a story of one such transformation. It is also a story of understanding what success really means, beyond the classical definition that involves money, fame, power, and possessions. It’s a smooth story of a typical corporate predator named Steve Harmon—brutally competitive, self-centered and intensely driven.

A senior executive at one of Canada’s top management consulting firms, Steve believes that being ruthless is par for the course in a world where everyone is out to get everyone else. Naturally his worldview, which is shaped by popular culture, makes him think of his coworkers as his rivals who must be trampled at any cost.

As a professional, Steve is capable, tenacious, and focused. He puts in a lot of effort to stay on top his game. He also enjoys a rather luxurious lifestyle. Despite all the trappings of the so-called successful life he still feels discontented because there is always more to accomplish. Right now, he is eyeing a larger home, a fancier vehicle, or a membership to that exclusive club reserved only for the crème de la crème of the society.

A journey of epiphanies

Steve, who is awaiting the announcement of his promotion, that he feels he has earned through his hard work and competence, has no clue that his life is about to turn upside-down in the next couple of days during which he finds himself traveling to Dharamsala, a small hill-station in India.

On the way to his destination, he has extremely rough experiences that leave him penniless, hopeless, and filled with immense frustration. But over the course of the rest of his journey, he meets some incredible people with whom he probably would’ve never come in contact, had he not been in such dire straits. As he interacts with these people, he finds himself questioning his core values, beliefs and priorities.

Helping you connect the dots

SPARK is structured to deliver a lesson at every phase of Steve’s transformative journey. At the end of each chapter, Azim Jamal shares personal experiences and anecdotes as well as relevant quotations from thought leaders which help you connect the dots in your own journey. There is also a list of questions to ask yourself — these help to assess what kind of course correction you need to make in your life. Given that we are surrounded by conventional notions of success, the real-life examples and the questions can help you get in touch with your hidden dimensions.

The author seems to have borrowed aspects of the story from his own life experiences, which prompted a transformation in his worldview a number of years ago, driving him to get off the hamster wheel and pursue a life of purpose. I suppose the idea behind the unique structure of the book is to precipitate the same kind of transformation in the reader that helped Azim Jamal become the renowned author, lecturer, and mentor that he is today.

It could ignite a spark of transformation in you

SPARK by Azim Jamal is a self-improvement book disguised as a novel and therefore you may have to grant some concessions, especially in the way the story is weaved. Obviously, it can’t be considered as a work of literary excellence — and I am sure that is not the author’s intent either. Be that as it may, it doesn’t take away from the powerful and thought-provoking ideas delivered in a unique manner. It’s not preachy like most self-help books. Instead, the author shares the relevant insights using the protagonist’s inner dialogue as the medium.

Without divulging any more, I’d like to conclude by saying: whether you are a rookie or a seasoned businessman, a serial entrepreneur or a CXO, if you’re seeking to go beyond the conventional meaning of success, SPARK provides a lot of food for thought; it could even trigger a process of significant transformation in your life.

Order SPARK by Azim Jamal » Amazon.in | Amazon.com

The post Book review of SPARK by Azim Jamal appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Published by: Harper Collins
ISBN: 9789354893759
Pages: 240
Price: INR 299

Dr Kiran Sethi is a New York-trained aesthetic dermatologist, practising in New Delhi and this is her maiden book. Her approach to skin care is holistic and she is also a wellness expert.

The book begins with a reminder of how it’s so important that you don’t seek external validation. And that you are worthy, no matter how you look. It’s refreshing to have this coming from a skin expert, who specialises in offering anti-ageing and beauty enhancing treatments.

What makes this book different:

1] Dr Kiran recommends Skinimalism. Skinimalism is where you reduce the number of steps involved in your skin care routine and that’s perfect for most of us who don’t want to spend hours obsessing about it. Also, if there are too many products to use, there’s a high chance that you will get overwhelmed and not do any of it.

2] Skin care advice has been decoded based on the decade of life you are in…so there’s skin care for your 20s, 30s, 40, and 50s and beyond.

3] ‘In your city’ sections. Since Dr Kiran practices in Delhi, and you can consult her online but for procedures, you may have to seek out someone in your own city. ‘In your city’ section serves as a guide when seeking out an expert in your city, for a certain procedure .

4] An in-depth section on PCOS. PCOS creates so much havoc with the skin and hair, and hence it certainly warrants a chapter in a book on skin care. Here the author sheds light on a holistic approach to dealing with PCOS, without going on contraceptive pills.

5] A concept called ‘youngering’. Youngering involves aiming to reverse or slow down the process of extrinsic ageing…i.e. ageing caused due to external factors like faulty nutrition, pollution, sunlight, stress etc.

The book also covers latest fads that you should be staying away from as well as procedures that are beneficial to your skin. A practical book that will help you understand how to take care of your skin.

The post Skin Sense by Dr Kiran Sethi: Book review appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Penguin eBury Press

ISBN: ‎ 978-0143452904

Pages: 224

Price: INR 299

“Let food be thy medicine, and let medicine be thy food,” said Hippocrates. This quote pretty much sums up the essence of Charmaine D’souza’s latest book, which she has co-authored with her daughters, Charlyene and Savlyene. Charmaine is an Indian dietician, clinical nutritionist, health consultant, and author with three decades of experience in bringing her clients back to health. Each ingredient mentioned in the book has a lovely anecdote associated with it. It’s like taking a trip down the author’s memory lane. She has

In the cookbook, the authors focus on ingredients and food stories centred around her childhood, and the delightful importance food plays in shaping who she is today.

Cookbook with a difference

Food is much more than as just a basic necessity for survival. Food contributes greatly to the quality of life; it affects our moods and behavior, determines are energy levels and, of course our health quotient. Food also helps create memories — indeed, to many, food is nostalgia. In The Good Health Always Cookbook, the authors express how food is among our greatest sources of pleasure. But this pleasure need not be derived from eating “unhealthy” or junk food; even wholesome, home-cooked meals can be the source of immense pleasure and joy. “Balanced eating doesn’t mean feeling guilty about eating ‘not-so-healthy food”, they write.

The authors despise the shame and anxiety people often experience while eating certain kinds of food. Nutrition is not a mere checklist of what we should and shouldn’t eat. Nutrition is a lifestyle; it is the conscious choices you make each day. Healthy eating implies developing a nourishing relationship between your body and the food that you consume.

The authors include a wonderful fusion of age-old ingredients easily available in our homes and gardens with modern day flavours and recipes. Each ingredient is carefully analysed with in-depth scientific descriptions, right from its existence, it’s nutritional value, pro-tips, to it’s modern day usage. Every recipe calls for use of a variety of ingredients and spells out-of-the-box thinking, as Charmaine is a big proponent of root-to-stem cooking. [Read an excerpt from The Good Health Always Cookbook.]

The post The Good Health Always Cookbook by Charmaine D’souza appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Paperback: 240 pages
Publisher: Fingerprint! Publishing
Release Date: 5 May 2018
Language: English
ISBN-13: 978-9387779396
Cover price: INR 299

For every lover of Krishna

There are devotees and then there are lovers. Bhawana Somaaya is among the latter. She has a self-confessed “obsession” called Lord Krishna that led her to write Keshava, A Magnificent Obsession.

When we think about Lord Krishna, what comes to mind first is the majestic Bhagavad Gita, that 700-verse epic delivered as counsel to Arjuna on the battlefield of Mahabharat. But people are also fond of the magical stories of his vibrant childhood (Balagopala) and youth: his endearing pranks, his fondness for butter, his affinity for playing the bansuri (flute), his charming disposition that won hearts of all the gopis (milkmaids) and, of course, Radha, his eternal love. These are the broad narratives of his life, of which all his devotees are aware to a great extent.

But Krishna’s lovers are not content with knowing about the grand adventures of his life. Their devotion makes them want to know the Lord ever more intimately. They want to know every small nuance about him—his different shades, his quirks and proclivities, his humanness and his divinity—in all its glory. This book is for such lovers of Krishna written by another fervent lover of the supreme deity.

Each chapter expands on ancient Sanskrit slokas (verses) and goes on to reveal many interesting tidbits from the life of Krishna. In the first chapter, Krishna is portrayed as describing himself from the eyes of his devotees.

Sample this:

“We are all projections of other people’s perceptions. I am no exception. Some perceive me as a child avatar. For them I am Balagopala, Balakrishna. Some view me as an eternal traveller. For them I am Banke Bihari. I was always there and will continue to be there. When I renounce my body, the surviving part of me will prevail amongst the five ingredients of nature. The sixth will be the heart of human beings.”  

The following sections depict him from the vantage points of his most favourites things in the world—the peacock among birds, the lotus among flowers, the flute and the shankha (conch) among musical instruments, the Tulsi (holy basil) among plants, the Kadamba and the Peepala among trees, the Kamadhenu among cows. Each of them have a chapter dedicated to them, where they list their virtues and talk about the special place they enjoy in his heart, while also narrating enthralling legends of Krishna from their perspectives.

Tulsi, for instance, says:

“One day, when Lord Krishna’s youngest queen Satyabhama decided to weigh her husband in gold, all her wealth and ornaments could not tilt the scale. But then his older queen Rukmini Devi arrived with a plateful of my leaves. Older and wiser, she placed just a single leaf on the pan and the scale tilted—much to Satyabhama’s astonishment!

“Satyabhama question how could I be so precious and Rukmini Devi answered, ‘Because Lord Krishna so desired.’

“It is my Lord’s blessings that I am revered and every part of my being has a reason and a mission. My root, like every other plant, is for procreation but it is also symbolic for all the sacred places of pilgrimage. The centre of my stem is the dwelling place of all the deities and my upper branches are sacrosanct, for in them are embodied all the vedas.”

Tulsi continues:

“I am antibiotic. I offer antiviral and antifungal protection and I am useful in localised infections as well. I decrease the likelihood of strokes.

“I am nutritious. I contain Vitamin C and A, minerals calcium, zinc and iron, and chlorophyll and many other phytonutrients. I am also an allopathic medicine complement. I resolve dental and periodontal health, diminish bad breath and speed healing of bone fractures, reduce nausea and cramping, and repel insects, including mosquitoes and lice.”

While the style is a sweet blend of prose and poetry, and content is a mixture of myth and fact. The book is easy enough to read but profound in substance for those who are really paying attention.

This isn’t a book that you want to read from start to end, with the objective to finishing it. It’s a book to be savoured at a leisurely pace. Besides, it’s more fun to pick it up spontaneously and open a random chapter—doing so often answers a question you had been nurturing at a subconscious level.

To conclude, my sense is that whether you are a fervent lover of Keshava or his ardent devotee, or even simply fascinated by the divine nature of the supreme deity, this book is sure to delight you.

The post Keshava, A Magnificent Obsession by Bhawana Somaaya appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Pages: 400

Price: Rs 390

ISBN-13: 978-9384238216

The synopsis describes this book as “A dialogue every man’s soul wants to have with him.” That itself should tell you that this book is not for everyone because not all of us are ready to take a good hard look at our lives. But if you are one of those who is seeking answers to life’s profound questions, then it’s definitely worth a read.

Why am I suffering so much? How can I be at peace? What is Karma? How does it impact my present circumstances? What happens when we die? These are some common questions that surface when we deliberate about our existence and our purpose on this planet. In this book, author Suzy Singh, who calls herself a Karma Coach, attempts to answer these questions by reconnecting us to the principles of ancient wisdom—stuff that we all innately know but have forgotten or disconnected with, due to our conditioning and modern lives. The seven karma codes form the backbone of the book and Suzy explains how these codes have the power to change our lives. Through her own experiences and those of her clients, she states that the ticket to our freedom is universal: look within yourself. That sounds simple but we all know that to find answers within ourselves requires a compass to help with direction. That’s where this book comes handy.

Suzy lucidly explains how each one of us is connected to each other, beyond time and space and how everything that we do or say has a butterfly effect within the context of the collective human consciousness. She states that before we can hope to be at peace or do any good in this world, we first need to attend to our own wounds, received in this lifetime and even those inherited from our ancestors. Needless to say, the book also talks about our spirit guides and masters who are forever willing to help. And no, you don’t need any special qualifications to access them. They are always around; all you need to do is call them and ask for help.

The book also touches upon how a soul chooses the family it wants to be born in, in order to accelerate its own growth. The author contends that even when the soul chooses a home that is filled with violence and poverty, there is a higher reason for doing so because that environment offers the most fertile ground for the soul’s learning.

According to the author, each one of us has a purpose in life and that our soul lessons are imprinted in our DNA, yet there are many pathways before us. She explains exactly what these are and how you can activate a higher destiny.

7 Karma Codes nudges us not to waste time on the drama that we often surround ourselves with. It tells us that a better life is within our reach, based on the choices we make each day. What I liked most about the book is that it does not make spirituality appear as something lofty and only for ascetics. Rather, the reader is introduced to the middle path, where one can enjoy a life abundant with material pleasures and also where you accelerate spiritually.

The post 7 Karma Codes: Heal the Storm Within By Suzy Singh appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Published by: Berrett-Koehler Publishers; 3^rd edition
ASIN: B01KIYAEXU
Pages: 288
Price: INR 967
Format: Kindle Edition

Viktor Frankl’s classic Man’s Search for Meaning has inspired, and continues to inspire, people around the world with his fascinating insights into human behaviour under intense duress. As an inmate of one of Hitler’s concentration camps, Frankl experienced the extreme torture of the holocaust firsthand. Being a neurologist and a psychiatrist, he felt inclined to study the behaviour of his fellow inmates suffering with him. In the three years that Frankl spent inside the horrendous camps, he concluded that no matter what challenges you face, you have the ultimate freedom to choose your attitude and your response to what is happening to you.

This, at heart, is the foundation of Prisoners of Our Thoughts.

That Viktor Frankl himself encouraged Dr Pattakos to write this book makes it all the more fascinating. And once you go through it, you realise that the insights this book contains are exactly what the doctor has ordered for humanity, which ails from a serious lack of meaning. But, it’s not the meaning of life that we need to find, say the authors. “It is the search for meaning in your own life that is important. Meaning is different for everyone—there is no one right answer; there is only the answer that is right for you. However, the search for meaning in our own lives often seems like such a large undertaking,” they write.

Do you want to find your own “right answer”? This book tells you how to look for it. The seven core principles that Alex and Elaine introduce in the book contain the essence of Viktor Frankl’s entire teachings and wisdom, with the added bonus of having a contemporary context.

What makes this book immensely readable is that throughout it, the authors use reflections from their own lives as well as examples of real people to drive home the message of each principle. Plus, the many exercises scattered across the book will make it easier for you to bring about the necessary shift as you go about looking for meaning in your own life.

Towards the end of each chapter, you will find a Meaning Moment Exercise followed by a few questions—both designed to bring greater clarity of the meaning principles to your unique life situation. Finally, every chapter has a Meaning Affirmation that will help reinforce the key message of that chapter. To strengthen your understanding, you can keep coming back to the exercise, questions and affirmations much after you’ve finished reading the book.

Prisoners of Our Thoughts is not a self-help book. Think of it as a friend, philosopher and guide who helps you look beyond the limits of your ordinary, everyday conditioned patterns while gently nudging you towards what really matters to you. To get the most out of this book, don’t approach it casually; read it earnestly. That’s because it carries within it the seeds of authentic transformation.

The post Prisoners of Our Thoughts by Alex Pattakos and Elaine Dundon appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Published by: Penguin Random House India
ISBN: 978-0143426660
Pages: 288
Price: INR 299

In a world where words are loud and confusion runs deep, a book comes along and acts as a soothing balm. Conversation with Dada Vaswani not only answers the most common questions seekers tend to have but also immerses you in a divine peace—a kind of tranquillity that feels like a rare blessing.

This book documents the many conversations the writer had with Dada Vaswani over a period of several months. But make no mistake—a book based on conversations does not mean it would be dull and boring. Dada will make you want to read more and keep you hooked with his wisdom and his childlike humour that is always accompanied by his characteristic humility. Though considered as a master by millions, he refuses to call himself a Guru and insists that he is only a friend to the devotees who flock to hear him from across the world. In a world where the so called “Spiritual Gurus” are seen on celebrity and entertainment pages of newspapers, here is a man who prefers to keep a low profile and quietly channels his energies to work for the downtrodden.

While reading this book, you will likely be touched by Dada’s profound simplicity even as his divinity starts having an effect. By the end of the book, you will come away feeling differently towards life.

Throughout this book, as in his discourses, Dada Vaswani talks fondly of his Guru, Sadhu Vaswani. When he talks of his home in Karachi in undivided India—the Saints, godmen and the fakirs that would walk around Sindh then—it feels like home. It’s strange that Karachi, which is now one of the most unsafe cities in the world, was once so safe, prosperous and clean.

Bharucha makes it a point to ask many pertinent questions—questions that we all wants answers for. Dada responds with eloquence. He emphasises why and how spirituality should be a way of life for everyone, not something you turn towards when you are old and frail. Dada used anecdotes to explain some of the most beautiful and mysterious ideas which only a master like him can explain. As you read the book, you encounter teachings of some of the greatest spiritual teachers that India has ever produced—from Meher Baba to Swami Vivekananda.

Dada’s language is lucid and clear as is reflected in the conversations between the master and his disciple—each page is filled with spiritual gems and sometimes you just feel like keep the book aside and letting the wisdom sink in. As it happens with insights from masters, you keep coming back to each question many times and find a new meaning every time. Dada teachings flow like the river—no assertion, just gentle persuasion. And therein lies the beauty of the book.

Though the based on spiritual teachings, it does not negate science. Being educated as a scientist, Dada explains many things from a scientific perspective. What’s really striking is that at no place do we come across religious preaching of any kind. Dada firmly believes that prophets are avatars of the same God and wonders how futile it is for men to fight one over the other.

When you finish the book, you will feel like your conversation with a wise, loving soul has just ended. You are filled with gratitude for Dada’s answers as well as his love. A thirst for more arises but for that you need to go within, says Dada.

This is a must read for spiritual seekers. If nothing else, it will bring you a sense of serenity and peace that we all seek.

The post Conversations with Dada Vaswani: A Perfect Disciple, A Reluctant Master By Ruzbeh Bharucha appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Published by: Little, Brown and Company [December 22, 2015]

ISBN: 978-1409156024

Pages: 352

Price: INR 415

Haven’t we all been in situations where we were expected to present our strongest and most confident self—like a job interview, or a business presentation, or a competitive athletic event? These very moments that demand your best also cause anxiety and self-doubt, making you feel powerless, often leading you to walk away with regret, wishing you could have done better.

In Presence, Harvard Business School professor Amy Cuddy expands on her popular TED talk about adopting confident body postures, or “power poses”, to bring your best self to social and professional situations.

Instead of just a collection of poses to practise in front of a mirror, the author takes us on a journey to learn to nurture our authentic selves and to overcome the damage that Impostor Syndrome inflicts on us. She also offers some practical approaches to take control of the challenging situations we might find ourselves in. The book collects real-life anecdotes from everyday folks who have surmounted difficult situations by being present and by practising the power postures that worked for them.

What is “Presence”? We’ve all read about mindfulness, being present in the moment, bringing our authentic selves to every situation, but the author gives a simple yet accessible definition: “Presence, as I mean it throughout these pages, is the state of feeling connected with our own thoughts, values, abilities and emotions, so that we can better connect with the thoughts, values, abilities and emotions of others.”

In other words, if we can train our speech and nonverbal behaviour to be in tune with our beliefs, abilities and values, we can achieve a synchronised inner state that can then reflect outwards.

Referring to psychologist William James’ body-mind theory of emotions, the author shares an assertion that struck the deepest nerve with her: “I don’t sing because I’m happy; I’m happy because I sing.” This eye-opening idea, attributed to James back in late 1800s, asserts that bodily experiences cause emotions, not the other way around. This is the basis for proposing that physical power poses can, in fact, alter the emotional state.

A research study shared in the book states that by adopting behaviours that emulate power and strength, the testosterone levels increase while the cortisol levels decrease, priming our mind for potential success. Much like “Fake it till you make it” principle, once you start practising expansive “power poses”, the biochemistry can help transform the fear and anxiety to excitement and intensity that helps us navigate the tough situation with confidence.

A few of the poses shared in the book might seem frivolous at first glance—like, the Wonder Woman pose with arms at the hips and legs planted firmly apart—but, by expanding our body laterally [and/or vertically] we give ourselves power to be there, to occupy that space and own it, much like dominance display in animal kingdom.

Postures such as slouching and hunching, sitting with arms wrapped around the body or placed on lap make us look small and thus feel subordinate—as if we don’t belong in that space, in that moment. However, the author is quick to point out how certain poses might be offensive in other cultures and cautions us to use it for our own self affirmation rather than to project superiority.

While talking about personal power, the author shares the disturbing results from a study done with kids aged four to six that reveals a strong male-power gender bias. She challenges us to change it by changing the stereotypes that our kids are exposed to. Powerful poses are not exclusively masculine, and powerless postures are not necessarily feminine—we are not encouraging women to be men with such power poses. Adopting a triumphant posture is not about competing with others but to accept one’s own strength and personal power in a given situation.

When we focus less on how others might be judging us and more on fully inhabiting the moment—feeling neither threatened or dominant—we are thoughtfully engaging with the present, and therefore we experience personal power.

The author points out that presence is not a continual state of being but a moment-to-moment experience which we can tweak through body language, behaviour and mind-set. The ideal effect of presence in a challenging situation, as the author puts it, is to execute your role with comfortable confidence and synchrony, and walk away with a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, regardless of the measurable outcome. That is true personal power.

The post Presence: Bringing your Boldest Self to your Biggest Challenges By Amy Cuddy appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Published by: Aleph Book Company

ISBN: 9789383064175

Pages: 214

Price: INR 299

Radhika Vaz dedicates her memoir Unladylike to “All the unladies out there who refuse to be bound by the rules of femininity.” A new category of women has been announced; one which is unconventional, honest and thus powerful. The book becomes not just an exercise in retrospection for the author but an invitation extended to the female readers to re-examine all expectations laid on women.

Calling this a coming-of-age story would be forcing it to wear such a serious robe as would suit neither the book’s effortless humour nor its author. But, if it wasn’t that wherefrom stem the bouquet of lessons, learnt and unlearnt, which fill the book to the brim? Echoing right after the comedian’s sassy voice is a 40-year-old woman’s voice, mapping her journey of not just growing up but also growing towards freedom of self. From a schoolgirl trying to belong to a woman struggling to “un-belong”, the story follows a neat chronology of “becoming”.

We meet Radhika as a five-year-old who feels like an “unknown polyester brand”, neither belonging to one community nor to the dominant culture of her friends. She also does not fit the conventional idea of beauty. Thus, “all I ever wanted from that point was to be on the inside”, even if it meant wearing a head scarf in Baghdad! In her teens she was “secretly suspicious of her gender”, with her delayed periods, luxuriant body hair and flat chest. Ideas of sexuality and body find prominence in this hosteller’s life, and her “obvious inadequacies” followed her everywhere, enough to make her secretly try on her mother’s bras because it felt “oh so grown-up!” Socials with boys were looked forward to but romance was considered wrong. She wondered why girls couldn’t propose boys, were forced to play “hard to get” and “be mysterious”, while boys had all the fun and freedom? At the cusp of adulthood she saw the unfairness of attaching value to virginity, and labels like “fast-chicks”. By the “roaring twenties” this observing, questioning rebel was ready!

Accused of an inability to apply herself, to conform to academic or gender standards, Radhika started walking a different line. As a working woman she first “negotiated singledom” only to chase a man to the US, live-together “as man and something” and get married her way too! The imperativeness of motherhood as a logical next-step to marriage to prove a woman’s worth is amusingly yet powerfully rejected in the final chapters.

It is noticeable how Radhika Vaz doesn’t come from a typical Indian family. With parents who were much ahead of their times letting her hold her reins most of her life, Radhika’s brand of feminism had few battles of deprivation or denial to fight. Her memoir makes no attempt to colour that, and she makes no attempt to not reject conventions which she believes in, even. Thus, ultimately, she finds a balance in her life by making conscious choices at every phase.

With this honesty and balance, she invites you to view your own life as you view hers; an exchange of perspectives on having to adapt to changing context—emotionally, physically and socially. Lessons on relationships emerge as Radhika wonders why Indian daughters hide things from their parents. Evident is the essentiality to challenge being shamed as a “badly behaved, of inferior intellect, boy crazy” girl and be aware that social expectations from men and women are “inherently antithetical”. The book asks women to never let their pride levels fall to “negative numbers” and to be strong, because being honest needs strength to stomach the consequences. “Spread the idea that the unknown is fun… find something, anything, which has nothing to do with how you look or how old you are” and do it! And with a flourish “The Baby Question’ wonderfully sums up the pressures applied on women’s psychologies to become mothers, to prove you are a woman and a good person. But the truth of it all is that “when you want to do something that isn’t the ‘norm’ you will be made to feel like you have a problem and if you hear it often enough then you start to believe it too”. Unladylike asks you not to believe that and instead believe in yourself!

A must-read for the ladies, gents and ‘unladies’!

The post Gender bender: Unladylike By Radhika Vaz appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Published by: Vermilion

ISBN: 9780091955038

Pages: 288

Price: INR 599

The book’s cover states, “The physics of vulnerability is simple: if we are brave enough, often enough, we will fall. Being brave and falling helps us grow and changes us for the better.”

Social scientist and best-selling author Dr Brené Brown has spent several years studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity and shame. While her previous two books are a “call to arms” to wholehearted living, this third book is all about acknowledging the desperation, the shame, and the vulnerability that comes along with failure, and rising up to own our story.

When Dr Brown talks about failure, it is not just in some large-scale professional endeavour, but also the personal heartbreaks and catastrophes in our lives. She addresses the complex nature of failure, reminding us that we tend to “gold-plate” failure and grit, sugar-coating the process and the pain involved in falling and in deciding to rise again. The book is not about the tired cliché of failure being the stepping stone to success.

Rising strong from our failures involves a three-step process:

1.  The Reckoning: Walking into our story and recognising that a button has been pushed and that we are about to explode with negative or undesirable emotion.
2. The Rumble: Owning our story by being honest about what we tell ourselves, by admitting our deeper emotions of shame, guilt, blame, and being willing to revisit and challenge these self-narratives to arrive at the truth of who we are and how we engage with others.
3. The Revolution: Writing a new ending and changing how we engage with the world on a permanent basis.

Of these three steps, the Rumble is the messiest: the place of the greatest struggle, and, a non-negotiable part of the process—to become aware of the story we’re telling ourselves about our hurt, anger, frustration or pain. In an effort to come out smelling of roses, we tend to glorify our recovery and the redemptive ending while casting off the emotional darkness that engulfs us when we are down, face-in-the-dirt, struggling.

The book suggests that we write down our raw emotions and feelings at this stage of rumbling—what is called the SFD [“shitty first draft”, as per the author]—without filtering the experience or worrying about how our story makes us look. Then we examine our self-defeating assumptions by asking:

• What do I know objectively?
• What more do I need to learn and understand about the other people in the story?
• What more do I need to learn and understand about myself?

Now we can look for the delta—or space—between the story we make up and a more objective truth.

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”

As with the previous two books, Rising Strong is rich with anecdotes from Dr Brown’s own life. Early in the book, she shares a story about a tough moment that surprised her while swimming across a lake with her husband during a family vacation. Her self-doubt, emotional reaction, anger and pain will resonate well with readers who have had a similar experience. Instead of painting herself into perfection, Dr Brown tears apart that experience to seek the truth about her story and learn to own it, and thereby engage from a place of understanding and compassion.

“We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.”

Our thoughts, actions and feelings are like a three-legged stool, each equally important to make a positive change in our lives. Positive thoughts combined with negative feelings will not lead to positive actions. Off-loading, bouncing, or numbing our hurts, or even stockpiling or bottling them up, or simply denying them, is not the way to deal with our deep dark pain.

Borrowing from Newton’s Third Law of Motion, Dr Brown proposes that for every emotion we feel, there is a definite response elicited in us. When angry, we can mindlessly lash out or we can be aware of what we’re really feeling and adjust how we respond. We learn that to be vulnerable and resilient is the best way to engage with the world so as not to be paralysed by fear of failure or hide behind the veil of perfectionism.

This was first published in the February 2016 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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