Psychologists say that stress can be good and bad. At the workplace, good stress is that which is productive because it helps us perform better. Bad stress, on the other hand, is counter-productive because it impedes our performance.

It disturbs me that the latter variety is now accepted as part and parcel of work. In the last two decades, the number of people reporting negative effects of stress at work has gone up more than four times. But, since everyone “suffers” from it, no one seems to be doing anything about it.

The link between stress and health

We ought to understand the link between stress and our health. Bad stress makes us susceptible to all kinds of illnesses—from the less serious common cold to the more severe heart disease, high blood pressure, and strokes. It also leads to alcoholism, over-eating, drug addiction, smoking, depression, and other harmful behaviours.

In spite of these adverse outcomes of stress, most of us accept it as a price we must pay for survival and/or success. Is stress inevitable? Can’t we have a stress-free working environment? Can’t we enjoy our work, and experience no bad stress at all? I believe we can.

The key to making work stress-free

De-linking our work from stress is vital for our health and happiness. For work to be genuinely stress-free, it is first important that we enjoy it. When we spend our time doing what we don’t particularly enjoy for most part of day, it’s bound to cause stress.

According to Elizabeth Scott, who coaches people on effective stress management, “It’s important that you’re spending your days doing something where you feel challenged [but not overwhelmed], appreciated [but not desperately needed to the point that you can’t take a day off], and where your strengths are being utilised, among other things. Without these and other key factors, you can be at risk for burnout.”

So if you feel stressed at work often, it’s time to reflect and ask if you’re enjoying your work. If the answer is no, acknowledge the need for a change. You may change your working style or manage your days better. Or you may want to switch jobs—or even fields! One way or the other, what’s important is that you enjoy your work.

The post The key to making your work stress-free appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

When I was speaking in Tajikistan some time ago, I complimented one of my participants on the ‘sleek’ shirt he was wearing. The next day, he brought me a new shirt exactly like the one he was wearing. I later learned that it is a Tajik tradition to give away the item someone likes and compliments you on. We are talking about one of the poorest countries in the world—now that is true richness!

Using your power

The Corporate Sufi believes that everyone is blessed with power. Some use power wisely and some don’t; many never use their power at all.

Imagine that your Creator offered you the power to have anything you wanted and to do whatever you wanted. What would you ask for? What would you do? Stop thinking about it, because the truth is you already have all the power you need to fulfil your wishes.

If you only want to achieve business success, then all your actions will gravitate towards that single goal. If you also want to achieve balance and to journey beyond, your actions will reflect those goals. The path you choose is up to you.

Your potential challenges to implementing this commitment may include:

• Not knowing how to find your innate gift
• Conditioning from childhood that stifles your gift
• Lacking a goal larger than yourself
• Missing a purpose and focus that will engage your gift
• Fearing the thought of leaving the status quo
• Having an inferiority complex or a lack of self-belief
• Worrying about giving of yourself and being taken advantage of
• Being self-centred.

You have been born with an innate gift. It is the one thing that allows you to live up to your highest potential. When you are using your gift, you are the best you can possibly be, free from fear and other constraints, and full of abundance and life. However, many people go through life without realising what their birth-day gift is, and many die without ever having opened it. It seems a terrible waste to go through life without opening your gift.

The Sufi philosophy affirms that we have all been born with a great gift, although most of us never open it because we are distracted and tempted by dazzling toys and the complications of life, which are only temporary. We forget the real purpose of why we are here and what we need to accomplish.

The Corporate philosophy is similar. The more people focus on their natural strengths, the more excitement and joy they find in their work. The more you focus on employees and on building corporate strength, the more productivity is achieved. However, not all organisations recognise or understand how to champion this philosophy in the workplace.

The Corporate Sufi philosophy leverages your inherent talent or strengths—your gift to make a positive difference in the lives of others.

You are a miracle

You are a miracle! A unique, special and precious human being! There is no one like you in the entire world. No one can smile like you, think like you, walk like you, talk like you or serve like you. From billions of people who have come into this world, no one has been like you. You are special, precious and powerful.

My cousin Asheef and his wife, Denise, were blessed with a baby boy recently. Denise, after being pregnant for nine months, underwent a C-section after 30 hours of labour in hospital before the baby was born. My wife, Farzana, my daughter, Sahar, and I went to see mother and child. While holding the baby, I noticed how alert he was, despite being less than a day old. His big eyes and expressions left me marvelling at creation and how a baby comes into being from the mother’s womb…so full of potential even as early as day one on earth!

When you reflect on creation, witness the birth of a child, observe how the day turns into night and night into day or see the seasons changing, you begin to appreciate the miracle of life.

You are a miracle, and you possess enormous power within, but you need to open your innate gift before you shine. William James, the father of modern psychology, said, “The average person rarely achieves but a small portion of his or her potential.” You may be scared to jump into your inner calling—but if you are stuck in the pond, you will never experience the bounty of the water in the ocean.

In Fihi Ma Fihi, Rumi, the Sufi giant, says, “You have a duty to perform. Do anything else, do a number of things, occupy your time fully, and yet, if you do not do this task, all your time will have been wasted.” In other words, you can do hundreds of things, but if you do not do this one thing that you have a duty to do, you have wasted your life. What is this one thing you must do?

Finding your calling

How do you find your true calling and gift? If you feel it is not practical to find and utilise your gift because of outside constraints, then you are ‘dead’ even before you start. Which means you will never find it because you do not believe it is possible. To find your calling, ask yourself these questions:

• What makes you tick?
• What kind of work makes you lose track of time?
• What kind of work would you do if you won a $40-million lottery? How would it change your life?
• What would you dare to do if you knew that you would not fail at it, no matter what?
• Where can you make the most difference?
• On your deathbed, what is the one regret you would have?
• Reflect on your funeral—what would you like people you care about to say about you?

These questions bring a deeper understanding and perspective about what is important to you.

Meditation is one powerful vehicle to connect to your inner self. Through this practice, you gradually gain insight into your innate gifts. Keeping a daily journal heightens your awareness and brings clarity about who you are, not who you think you are. The cause that excites you the most will give you an indication of what you are passionate and care about.

I wrote this as part of my eulogy: “Azim was a loving father, son, husband and human being. He shined his light and inspired others to shine their light. He lived and worked to his full potential and made a positive difference to one and all, especially those who were less advantaged. May his soul rest in eternal peace. Amen.”

By being clear about what you aspire to be, it becomes easier to invite and attract the right circumstances to lead you to it. Looking back from your deathbed also puts things in perspective and attracts attention to your purpose in life and the accompanying gift you were born with.

The post Sufism at work: Discover your innate gift appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

The workplace—whether you are a highway worker, an office assistant, a retail clerk, a senior manager or a limo driver—is stressful. Often times there aren’t enough hours in the day to do what’s required of you. The people you work with may be TDO’s [The Difficult Ones] and your boss may be a person who just really enjoys exerting power over others. So, what do you do? You probably can’t quit. Most people need their paycheck. Instead of physically leaving the job, consider mentally approaching the workplace in a different way. Become mindful in the workplace.

What’s mindfulness? According to the The Oxford Mindfulness Centre, “Mindfulness is an aid to enhancing human potential by combining modern science with ancient wisdom.”

In reaction to the stress at the workplace, our bodies change in a negative way. Mindfulness allows us to reset our bodies aiming to a more positive, productive outcome.

But, if you are a limo driver or retail worker, it might not be prudent to start a meditation in the middle of what you are doing just to begin to relieve the stress. Mindfulness in the workplace has to be practical and workable in whatever line of work you do.

Five steps towards greater mindfulness

There are five steps you can take to become more mindful in your daily work activities:

1. Knowing your triggers
2. Becoming aware of your surroundings
3. Listening to and changing your self-talk
4. Learning to breathe
5. Having a variety of tools you can use

Start by recognising what triggers you

Most people don’t know what sets them off and starts the downward stressful cycle. Something happens and you react—but what? Begin to pay attention to what gets you. When does your heart rate go up? When did your palms get clammy? When did you start to clench your teeth? Keep a journal if possible so throughout your day you can begin to note the things that trigger your negativity.

Become more aware of your surroundings and your physical state

Bring your attention back several times a day to how you are sitting, or standing. Focus on how you hold your body. Focus on the people around you and how positive, or negative they are. People move through their day largely unaware of their surroundings and their own physical state so pause several times throughout the day and just take stock of what’s happening. Once you recognise something that is painful or negative, resolve to drop it and move your attention to something more positive.

Watch your self-talk

Recognise the self-talk you give yourself as you react to things throughout the day. Once you know your triggers, and become aware of your surroundings you will probably hear the self-talk that starts up. “I hate my boss.” “This place is the worst.” “I’ll never get all of the things done that she is asking me to do.” “I wish I could win the lottery and give my notice.” The talk you engage in, inside of your own head, is often the most debilitating thing happening throughout the day. Your talk drags you down and keeps you down. Listen to what you are saying and choose to reframe. “Yes, this person I work for can be challenging but I can learn to deal with him/her.” “I am fortunate to be healthy and working and I’ll do the best job I can do each day.” “There is too much to do but I can only do one thing at a time, so let me focus on what’s in front of me.” Your self-talk doesn’t change your conditions, but it can normalise them and give you more strength to deal with them.

Next, learn to breathe

The most amazing thing about deep breathing and its ability to centre you and calm you, is that you can do it anywhere and at any time. Most people never learn to breathe properly and they take rapid breaths in the chest area. Imagine a deflated balloon in your stomach. When you breathe in, fill that balloon with healthy air, when you breathe out empty the balloon of all negativity. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. The mind can’t focus on two things at once so bring your attention to your breath and the other stresses are diminished.

Lastly, build your toolbox

There are a number of things you can do to practise becoming more mindful: Chew your food slowly and thoughtfully; Take a moment before a meal to give thanks; drive your car at the speed limit; slow your walking pace down when you catch yourself rushing; count to 10 before you respond when speaking to someone; keep a smooth stone in your pocket to rub when you begin to experience stress.

The more you practice being mindful in the things you do each day, the easier it will be to be mindful in your workplace.

The post 5 steps to help you be mindful at your workplace appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Pay attention to the words “I am” in the above responses. It implies that what we are is defined by what we do. That’s how weaved we have gotten to our professional identities.

I think there’s a fundamental flaw in such a paradigm—it reverses the natural flow of life.

Doing flows from being

Observe nature and you will find that except in the case of human beings, ‘doing’ is the outcome of ‘being’, not the cause. For instance, you know that the lion is a powerful beast. Would you say the lion hunts animals, therefore it is strong? Of course not; it is the intrinsic nature of lion to hunt. The lion is what it is—and what it does flows from its being. Unfortunately, we humans have got this sequence mixed up. We become identified with the tag of what we do—singer, doctor, software engineer, actor, CEO—and in the process, lose our sense of being. This kind of identification is the source of much unhappiness. It implies that if, for some reason, you stop doing what you do, you will lose your sense of ‘being’. So you feel stuck, chained or imprisoned by what you do.

Take the case of the vice-president of a multinational corporation, who finds it extremely difficult to leave his job even though he has long stopped enjoying it. All because of the years he has put in—it’s what gives him his sense of identity. He has forgotten that he is not the tag, that there’s much more to him than being the VP of his company.

Stop identifying yourself with what you do

If you’re struggling with any aspect of your life, it’s a good bet that you’re doing something that is in conflict with your being. Ask yourself if you are doing it out of some sense of obligation or compulsion? Or is it because this is what your label says you do? If so, you’re on the wrong lane.

To be happy and successful in the absolute sense of the word, you need to set the order right—from “I do, therefore I am” to “I am, therefore I do”. This is not difficult to do. A simple shift can free you from all the limitations you have placed on yourself. And no, you need not stop doing what you are doing. All you need to do is to stop identifying yourself with whatever you do. In other words, just de-tag yourself and and stay with the knowing that you are prior to all doing, prior to your roles and identities.

You are glorious, alive

Your work, your relationships, your success, your bank balance, even the state of your health do not define who you are. They only reflect your decisions, choices and actions. In fact there’s no way you can actually define who you are, that’s how glorious you are. You are a dynamic human being, changing, growing, evolving everyday. Your identity limits you. When you let go of it, you feel fully alive and free to explore life in all its vividness. Possibilities open up for you the moment you dis-identify yourself from all the labels that you hitherto associated yourself with.

The next time someone puts forth the what-do-you-do question, say, “I live.” After all, isn’t that what you do best? You love, you breathe, you eat, you cry, you scream, you dance, you plan, you regret, you doubt, you encourage, you sleep, you shower, you delegate, you wonder, you sing, you watch, you talk, you listen, you fear, you believe, you question—you do so much more than just your work. What you really do, then, is live.

The post You are not what you do appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

The post The surprising simple secret that will make you happy right now appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Yet, one of the most striking findings from this study was that the men with short bursts of activity as part of their routine work had significantly lower death rates from heart disease. These were the dock workers who loaded cargo as new ships came in and out of port. This is the type of regular activity that was built in to a wide variety of jobs just 50 years ago.

The high cost of increasing efficiency

Back then, jobs requiring moderate physical activity accounted for about half of the labour market. Today, only 20 per cent of jobs require real activity. This transformational shift mirrors increases in diabetes and obesity rates. You can now accomplish countless tasks with the click of a mouse and a few keystrokes. While this increases efficiency, it comes at the expense of our physical health.

This epidemic of inactivity spans the globe. From the United States to India and China, technology—from computers to washing machines—minimises the need for manual labour, and our health suffers as a result. The way we cook, clean, work and make products no longer requires strenuous activity.

Because of these seismic shifts in activity levels, you now have to find ways to infuse deliberate movement into your day. If you work in a traditional office setting, it is in your company’s best interest to ensure you get some activity during the workday.

Emerging research suggests companies that provide employees with time to exercise, even during working hours, do not lose any business. In fact, this research shows how you could be more productive if your organisation gives you time to exercise during the workday. Even if you end up working fewer hours in a week, the trade-off is a net positive for you and your organisation. Other studies find that employees see significant increase in overall earnings as their activity levels rise.

The good news is that many employers are taking notice. A friend of mine recently lost 50 pounds. When I asked him how he did it, he gave nearly all the credit to the encouragement he received from his colleagues and programmes his employer offered.

Even if your peer group at work is not very active, consider what you can do to start a positive trend. Find a few moments each day when you can walk briskly. Do a few push-ups or spot jogging or anything else to break up a 10-hour span of limited activity. Ask a colleague to do a walking meeting instead of sitting on uncomfortable chairs.

The late Steve Jobs was famous for requiring colleagues and clients to go on walking meetings around his neighbourhood. When a reporter asked him why he did that, Jobs said that he could think better when he walked. If nothing else, make sure you get up several times a day and move around your workspace. Sedentary work can make you fat, sick and tired. Building movement into your daily routine will provide a buffer against today’s sedentary lifestyle. As a leading public health researcher put it, “In many ways we’ve engineered physical activity out of our lives, so we’ve got to find ways to put it back into our lives.”

The dangers of desktop dining

Early in my career, having lunch with a group of friends from work was one of the best parts of my day. Some days we would all go out to eat, but most of the time, we grabbed lunch in the cafeteria. Either way, it provided a mental break from what I was working on and forced me to get up and move around. Most importantly, it was quality social time with my friends.

However, as the demands of my job increased over the next couple of years, my lunchtime pattern changed. On most days, I considered myself too busy for an extended lunch and opted to eat at my desk. This allowed me to devour my food as quickly as possible, usually hunched over my keyboard reading emails. By eating at my desk I got lunch ‘out of the way’ in about five minutes, compared to the 50 minutes it took to eat with my friends.

I justified eating at my desk by telling myself it made me more productive. In hindsight, desktop dining had the opposite effect. It was bad for my relationships with colleagues, I had less physical energy, I was less satisfied with my job at the end of the workday and had fewer ideas to contribute.

When I have a busy day, I still eat at my desk. But I can now see how it is a trap because I eat more at my desk than I do when I am paying attention. By sitting and eating at my desk, I also miss an opportunity to engage in some sort of mid-day activity.

According to various studies, roughly two-thirds of workers eat lunch at their desks. And a majority don’t take time for regular breaks during the workday. This can result in trouble focussing and less time for creative thought. So to prevent that, use lunch as a natural stopping point in the middle of a busy day. Take a short walk; get outside for some fresh air. Or find somewhere to eat with a few friends at work. Use your lunch-break as a reminder to exercise and make it an energising social time.

Working while intoxicated

Sleep less, achieve less. It’s really that simple. According to a study from Harvard Medical School, lack of sleep costs the American economy $63 billion a year in lost productivity alone. In the words of one of the lead researchers, “Americans are not missing work because of insomnia. They are still going to their jobs but they’re accomplishing less because they’re tired. In an information-based economy, it’s difficult to find a condition that has a greater effect on productivity.”

Sleep-deprived driving can be just as hazardous as drunk driving; 75 per cent of the time when a truck driver runs someone off the road, driver fatigue is a prominent factor. According to one scientist who has studied this extensively, four hours of sleep loss produces as much impairment as drinking a six-pack of beer. A whole night of sleep loss is equivalent to a staggering blood alcohol level of 0.19 per cent. That’s double most legal limits.

Working on little sleep is not much better. There is a reason why surgeons and pilots now have mandated periods of rest before they are allowed to operate or fly an airplane. In 2010, an Air India 737 crashed, killing 158 people. When investigators listened to the data recorder, what they heard was “heavy nasal snoring” in the cockpit. This is just one example; hundreds are killed every year by people who get too little sleep.

If you care about the quality of your work and interactions with your peers, give sleep the priority it deserves. To make this possible, your work needs to be satisfying. Poor sleep quality is nearly twice as common among those who are least satisfied with their jobs. Even if you are not in your dream job today, it’s up to you to make sure work is not keeping you up every night. Any job is likely to cause a sleepless night on occasion. But I’m amazed by how many people go through weeks, months, or years of dealing with poor sleep due to work stress or job dissatisfaction.

It’s hard to imagine that any job is worth the damage it does to your health over time.

Excerpted from Eat Move Sleep: How Small Choices Lead to Big Changes by Tom Rath [© 2013 by Tom Rath]

This was first published in the November 2014 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

The post Warning! Your working style might be killing you slowly appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Published by: Simon & Schuster

ISBN: 978-1476785462

Pages: 224

Price: INR 353

When we hear the word “creativity”, visions of paintings, poetry and music float through our minds, our conventional wisdom suggesting that it is a special gift. However, creativity expert Barnet Bain holds the view that everything we do is a process of creativity.

In The Book of Doing and Being, he walks us through a series of over 40 practical exercises while providing eye-opening insights into recognising and reactivating that spark we all possess, that we call creativity, no matter what our job involves.

This is a book best read in small doses. And reading alone is not enough. As the author suggests, the book can be a helpmate in our journey of rediscovering our creative self. Have a journal handy and jot down your thoughts as you work through the exercises in this book.

Starting with a call to become aware of our hurdles to creative expression, the author provides what he calls a Self-Inquiry Practice to help us identify if the barriers to our inspiration are hand-me-downs or self-imposed, i.e. more of a habit than a conscious choice. When we often trust popular culture to give us an understanding of our world, we diminish our originality and eventually suppress our inherent artistry.

Whether it is the way we care for the people we love, or how we brainstorm in a boardroom, we have an innate desire to improve the world in some way, based on our values. The author urges us to jot down a Life Wheel to serve as our values map—a tool for identifying our goals, desires and  priorities, not only in career and finances but also in family life, love life, health, relaxation and spirituality—represented as seven slices in this life wheel. As we tailor this wheel, reflecting on how much attention we would like to give to each slice, we are better able to recognise our deficit areas that need attention.

Life being what it is today, many of us get overwhelmed and stressed. We cope by conjuring up a mixture of thoughts and feelings that numb these powerful emotions, acting like anaesthetics. We learn this numbing mechanism at a young age and rely on it to handle feelings that overpower us. The four emotional anaesthetics—self-pity, blame, guilt and control—work to undermine our creative self. However, if we are cognizant of this fact, we can certainly learn to thrive under distress.

Neuroplasticity, the ability of our brain to form new neural connections at any stage in life, allows us to compensate for injury and disease and reclaim our functions. Similarly, the author proposes Creative Plasticity, an imaginative malleability that welcomes and enhances creative flow. The four exercises in this chapter essentially serve to rewire the brain through relaxation. Be it mindful breathing to promote alpha brain waves, or a nap, or a nature walk, or a sojourn at a favourite body of water, we can all find what relaxes us and helps us refocus. Another practical and easily doable exercise for rewiring is to change our routine—write with the non-dominant hand, drink beverage from a different utensil than the preferred one, sleep on a different side of the bed, sit at a different spot at the family dining table, take a new route to work. By approaching common things a bit differently, we can rekindle the flames of creativity.

In the chapter, “Engaging the Muses”, we encounter the nine Olympian muses—not the relics of made-up ancient world, but the creative forces that are outside our structured, logical framework. The muses await invitation. Despite the obstructions that hold us back, if we are willing to move forward and are raring to go, the muses will accept our invitation to co-create, working with our subconscious intelligence. Even if we don’t believe in Thalia, the keeper of joyous humour, or her counterpart Melpomene, the protector of tragedy, we can certainly extend the idea of the muses to mean that we are inclined to give laughter a chance, and that we are prepared to face adversity with courage.

Barnet Bain notes that, “when the dynamism of doing comes together with the receptivity of being, creative innovation cannot be stopped.”

The Book of Doing and Being ends with urging us to be brave and to “let go”—of a job, an identity or a way of being or relating, especially when it is difficult and full of complaints. The fear of what we could lose by letting go of the familiar is not easily offset by the promise of where we think creativity can take us. As a reassurance, the author acknowledges that creativity is a gift—a gift that is given to everybody, if we are open to receiving it.

This was first published in the January 2016 issue of Complete Wellbeing

The post Book review of “The Book of Doing and Being” by Barnet Bain appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

What is happiness?

What is happiness, you ask. It is something to seek within—a state of mind. It’s a harmonious balance of the various spokes in the wheel of life. My definition of happiness is to achieve my mission statement:

To be with family and friends, leave a legacy, achieve and maintain mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, professional and material wellbeing.

Meaningful relationships with family and friends make life worth appreciating and sharing. Leaving a legacy for future generations helps make the world a better place. ‘Busy hands are happy hands,’ says an old saying. But I reckon that the moment one has some free time and resources, it is important to give back to society. It is important to actively work for and espouse various causes, and pass the baton to future generations, so the good work gets carried on. Enjoying the ‘here and now’ might confer temporary happiness, but enduring happiness comes more easily out of thinking and acting for others.

Happiness is realising that learning to live a life goes far beyond simply making a living, and that the simple pleasures of life are priceless—enjoying a beautiful sunset, hearing from a long lost friend, watching a tiger in the wild, an eagle soar…

Learning from history should not mean carrying the burden of unhappy experiences. It is also important to remember past successes, to reinforce confidence, while enabling the visualisation of future successes. A bright and successful future awaits the person who decides to learn from the past and look ahead in life, with all the health, wealth and happiness life has to offer. This enables us to live in the moment and experience the joy of living, as well as look forward to a future of boundless, endless possibilities.

Happiness is also about understanding and applying The Law of Attraction. Eloquently brought out in the movie ‘The Secret,’ it says that thoughts manifest into reality, and we become what we think about and focus on most.

What is motivation?

The dictionary defines it as, “a force that drives character to overcome conflicts or a set of forces that cause people to behave in a certain way?” Motivation is simply “a reason for doing something.” In a rousing commencement address to Stanford University students in 2005, Steve Jobs shared some very personal stories about his life. Given up for adoption when he was born, Jobs was fired from a company he started, and diagnosed with terminal cancer. Tremendous motivation led him to unbelievable efforts, resulting in him being recently named ‘CEO of the Decade.’ He said, ‘Sometimes life hits you on the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. You’ve got to find what you love.’ Indeed, wonderful lessons in motivation –‘Find what you love’ and ‘The triumph of the human spirit in the face of adversity.’

Most of us spend a great part of our life working. It is critical to foster an atmosphere where the best talent is recruited, retained, nurtured and unleashed. An environment with open and honest communication, mutual respect, fair recruitment and appraisal policies, growth opportunities, customer orientation, and a strong set of values and ethics go a long way in creating a strong sense of belonging towards an organization. The best workplaces promote meritocracy, and have an environment that promotes collective responsibility, ownership, mutual cooperation and benefit, unimpeachable integrity, camaraderie and a win-win proposition for the employer and employee. The result: inspired employees who take individual and organizational performance to another level, where everyone works with passion, honesty and inspiration.

Productivity and motivation in an organization are greatest when there is a confluence of the heart, mind, body and soul. Organizations should strive to create that environment where employees bring not just their bodies and minds, but also their hearts and souls to work. Once that is achieved, we can have a paradigm shift, from employees heaving a sigh of relief every Friday afternoon (‘Thank God it’s Friday’) to a charged up ‘Thank God it’s Monday’ – where all employees want to and are able to give their best, every moment. Motivated employees relish the prospect of both challenges and opportunities.

Motivation and happiness are inter-related. Motivated people are far more likely to feel happy, as they have a purpose and direction in life, and are far more likely to actively seek happiness.

The post Happiness and motivation appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

There are couples who may have met at work as employees of the same organisation, tied the knot and chosen to continue to work there in their respective positions. Then there are those who decide to do business together, or share the same professional space like doctors  or creative writers/designers. There are others who may just assist the spouse for a particular project in a limited capacity as an assistant.

Whatever is the case, sharing a work space with your spouse comes with its own challenges and rewards.

Challenges

Graphic designers Mira and Shyam started an animation studio together. He would negotiate deals with the clients and she would do the creative work in the studio. He would often ask her to redo the work saying that the clients’ brief was different and also pressure her to meet deadlines. She felt he was insensitive to her time and energy constraints, unappreciative of her creativity, and that he was having a ball at her cost, travelling alone to strike deals abroad and enjoying 5-star luxuries at the clients’ cost while she was at the studio doing all the hard work. Once when their studio received an international award, he went on stage alone to receive it and that’s when she decided to stop working with him, and do freelance work for other studios. She felt used and he felt abandoned.

Surita who joined her husband’s business to assist in administration and accounting while he focussed on expanding the business, took grave offence when he decided to renovate the office and allot her a cubicle at the back while he made his cabin at the front. She was offended that he did not give her the status of an equal and relegated her to staff and she stopped going to office. This took a huge toll on their relationship and their intimacy, and she moved out to another room.

John and Melissa got along very well as colleagues in the same organisation. They got married and continued their work in the same way. The arguments began when he registered himself for an off-site training at a beach resort but didn’t do the same for her, as he expected her to do her own registrations like she had done in the past. She took offence and assumed that he wanted to go alone and not as a couple. She viewed it as an opportunity to combine work and relaxing togetherness, but thought he wanted to maintain his single status amongst colleagues. She was also upset when he got a chance to work in the London office of the company for six months followed by a promotion, while she continued in the same position at Mumbai. This eroded their relationship, not only as a couple but also as colleagues. Their personal issues percolated into their work and both of them were pulled up by their superiors. They were told that one of them would have to quit the company, and that they preferred that Melissa be the one as her work had not been upto mark. Their relationship ended the day she quit the job.

Nina and Robert were both in stock broking and started their own firm with great enthusiasm. However, there was no agreement on administrative styles, staff matters, how to handle the client interface, the timings of work, and practically every area of the business. There were open and loud arguments at work and at home, without any resolution. Staff would receive conflicting orders from both and clients started getting agitated because they would have to repeat their instructions as they stopped conveying messages to each other. The business suffered, the relationship suffered and above all their children suffered.

David, an ad film director and the joint owner of a production house with his wife, unilaterally decided to invest in very expensive equipment instead of hiring it, as was previously agreed by them. This wiped out most of their savings. Subsequently, the equipment started requiring expensive maintenance contracts, while work was not coming their way, and the company was saddled with this ‘white elephant’ which was depleting their finances. This became a huge contaminant in the relationship. They dissolved their partnership and divided the assets, leaving him with the equipment and her with the office property. They were both bitter, with him seeing her as a fair weather friend, and she seeing him as a betrayer of trust in the relationship.

From the above cases you can see how challenging it can be for a relationship when the couple works together. The work-home interface can get extremely stressful if not maturely and sensitively handled.

The Downside

Let’s enumerate the downside of spouses working together:

1. Work issues are carried back home affecting emotional/physical intimacy as well as personal issues affecting work efficiency. Inability to get out of ‘shop talk’ even at home
2. Claustrophobia and no personal space away from each other [me time] especially if there are arguments, therefore no time to calmly process issues alone
3. Ego hassles on who has the final authority in crucial decision making at work.
4. Competitiveness and score keeping about who works more and contributes more to the profits.
5. Conflicting messages to staff, leading to confused and disgruntled workers.

Rewards

However, there is also a great upside to working with your spouse.

Gretta would crib about the limited time she had with her husband who was a television journalist—till she decided to intern in his research team. Once she saw the dynamism at the news channel office with crazy timelines, she was able to understand and empathise with him about his time constraints. She started snatching whatever time they could have at coffee breaks or accompanying him at important events as his assistant. It made them bond more and a mutual respect was established. They valued every moment they spent together, and the quality of their relationship improved.

Ashok was a surgeon and Komal was a gynaecologist. They had their own nursing home. They often assisted each other in complicated surgeries, and checked into each other’s patients during the post-operative period. They held the fort for each other if the other was unwell or busy elsewhere. So, when she was home with the kids, he would manage all her patients. This doubled their efficiency.

The Upside

The upside of working together therefore can be enumerated as:

1. Efficiency doubles as you can stand in for each other when you are from the same profession or when you know all the aspects of the business. It also increases financial security in the business.
2. No financial irregularities with your spouse, as s/he is equally invested in it as ‘our’ business and not there for personal gains.
3. Both being equally interested in the success of the business, both would willingly work hard and also understand the work demands, time constraints etc. and therefore empathise with the other.
4. Work and pleasure can often be combined while travelling for meetings, conferences etc.
5. New skills acquired by one can be taught to the other if from the same profession.
6. Logistical comforts like commuting to and from work together, having coffee breaks and lunch together at work, thus having more time to catch up and connect compared to other couples.

A Project for ‘the Project’

No significant relationship can survive healthily unless it is given a ‘project status’, and unless it is worked on consistently and maturely by both. Therefore, the work doubles for a couple [the project] who now works together professionally or in a business [a project].

Some ground rules for couples working together are:

1. Separate identities with clear role demarcations based on skill-sets of both, with independent decision-making within those roles and no interference from the other. Suggestions can be asked from and made by the other, but the final authority would lie with the one whose role it is.
2. Major financial decisions and any other big decisions in the running of the business to be made through a mutually respectful consultative process.
3. Separate and equal geographical space for both within the office, which gives a sense of personal identity and aids functionality.
4. De-clutter the work-home interface and actively de-link one from the other to give your best at both places. E.g. To and from work, hear some music in the car, plan a weekend break/holiday, discuss children etc. and actively avoid [or if extremely necessary then ‘timetable’] ‘shop talk’ at home, while also actively avoiding discussing home issues at work.
5. See your work as a manifestation of the team spirit of both, and an example of how well both can work together. Make it a collaboration and not a competition.
6. If there are intricate personal issues that require resolution, keep them ‘on hold’  while at work, and schedule them to be discussed only once you are home. Maintain the sanctity of both spaces.
7. While making work decisions, always ask yourself what’s best for ‘our work’ and what’s best for ‘us’.

This was first published in the May 2013 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

The post A spouse who is also a work colleague appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.