“Caroline, you have to do your mindset voodoo thing on me,” she pleaded. “There’s a huge deal closing and I’m losing the plot. They’re going to find out that I don’t know what I’m doing. You have to help me!”

Superwoman Sarah was having an attack of imposter syndrome—and it turned out this wasn’t the first time.

How did I help

• First, I told Sarah that what she was going through is extremely common. Research shows that 70 per cent of people experience imposter syndrome at some point. [The real figure maybe much higher because shame stops some people owning up.]
• Then I walked her through a breathing exercise to calm her down.
• Finally, I asked her two questions.

10 minutes later, off she went to continue her preparations for completing the deal—if not back to her normal full-on confidence levels, at least most of the way there.

So what were the two questions that helped change her state? Before I share them with you, let’s take a look at this demon.

Research shows that 70 per cent of people experience imposter syndrome at some point

What is imposter syndrome

Imposter (or impostor) syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, impostorism, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) shows up when a person’s outer evidence of achievement and ability doesn’t match up with their inner psychological and emotional landscape of occasional or permanent self-doubt. This mismatch triggers stress, typically when someone is expected to demonstrate their expertise or ability.

People experiencing imposter syndrome are unable to recognise their own competence and feel undeserving of respect and acclaim. They dismiss evidence of their previous achievements as luck or accident and believe they can’t replicate that high performance. They feel anxious and ashamed that they will be unmasked as a fraud.

The tendency presents on a sliding scale of severity, from occasional fleeting discomfort, to persistent anxiety that can seriously affect a person’s peace of mind, performance and prospects.

Typical thoughts of someone experiencing imposter syndrome:

“They’re going to find out I’m useless and think I deliberately misled them.”

“I’m going to fail in front of everyone and let them down. It’s going to be unbearable.”

“I can’t perform in the way they expect. I’m going to be humiliated.”

“I’ll never pull this off. I’m not a real expert—I don’t know what I’m doing!”

Who “discovered” imposter syndrome

The tendency was originally observed by psychologist Pauline Clance, who, with Suzanne Imes, coined the term “Imposter Phenomenon” in a 1978 research paper. Initially, it was thought of as a problem affecting high-performing women but further research confirmed that it also affected men.

Entrepreneurs, creatives and high achievers are especially affected because they’re required to showcase their expertise. Even Einstein once admitted that he felt like “an involuntary swindler”.

What causes imposter syndrome

It is believed that the tendency is caused by an inability to internalise and accept our own achievements and pay deliberate attention to what we do well. One of the reasons for this is the messages we absorb from childhood and beyond that we’re not good enough.

High-pressure working environments are breeding grounds for Imposter Syndrome. Women, in particular, face an ongoing struggle to prove their competence in the workplace, with their contribution more likely to be downgraded or trivialised. This can lead to self-doubt and self-criticism. It’s also common in male-dominated fields, where competition is fierce.

External evidence of success, such as awards, high earnings and public acclaim, make no difference to someone who experiences Imposter Syndrome. Actually, they worsen feelings of being incompetent and undeserving, and lead to a greater fear of being found out.

High-pressure working environments are breeding grounds for Imposter Syndrome

Start by asking yourself the two questions I asked Sarah:

Q1: “What is the story I’m making up about this situation?”

Sometimes, when you feel challenged or in the spotlight, unhelpful stories can emerge that affect how you think, feel and behave. You accept these “I’m not good enough” stories as gospel—but they’re not the truth! They’re just your thoughts deceiving you into believing you’re inadequate.

Work out what story you’re telling yourself when you feel like a fraud. Then challenge the veracity of that story. What cast-iron evidence do you have that it’s true? Note that thoughts and feelings are not proof.

Q2: “How else could I think, feel and behave in this situation that would lead to a better outcome?” 

When you tune into your self-talk, something significant happens. The act of interrogating your thoughts makes you aware of them. They’re no longer unconscious and automatic.

When you take something off autopilot, you regain control. Being aware of your story makes you conscious of it and now you can edit the tale you’ve been wildly spinning. Effectively, you empower yourself to choose a different ending to the story.

So ask yourself, “What would be the best outcome for me in this situation? And what do I need to think, feel and do in order to achieve that outcome?” Then practise believing it!

Work out what story you’re telling yourself when you feel like a fraud

A psychological toolkit

I emailed Sarah a list of other helpful practices which can, if not banish imposter syndrome completely, at least enable you to regain the upper hand when it pops up. Practise these five steps regularly to increase your self-acceptance and resilience:

1. Tell someone [as she did when she called me]. This gets it out of your head and into the open, where it can be challenged and normalised. It also helps to realise you’re normal and not alone.
2. Monitor your self-talk and work on self-acceptance. Get used to tuning in to your thoughts and challenging your self-criticism. Imperfection is hard-wired into us so accept that you are both fallible and intrinsically worthwhile. I advise my clients to develop the habit of speaking to themselves as though they’re a sensitive, intelligent child who deserves to be nurtured and encouraged.
3. Practise active appreciation for your achievements, skills, and hard work. You didn’t reach this level of ability by accident or luck. Keep a gratitude journal and make a point of recognising your strengths and positive qualities. Be specific. What are you good at? What do you value about yourself? What positive impact do you have on others? What have you coped with well today?
4. Comparison is rarely helpful. Plus, at least seven in 10 people you compare yourself to also feel inadequate at times! Stop comparing yourself to others and focus instead on creating the best outcome.
5. When you do something well, connect vividly with the feeling of satisfaction and fulfilment. Anchor those feelings of pleasure in vibrant memories and recall them when you feel like an imposter.

If you experience imposter syndrome often, it may be an unconscious way of flagging up that your current role or business conflicts with your values or lacks meaning for you. You may find it helpful to work with a coach to find a more meaningful way to use your skills.

So, the next time you feel as though your competence is just a mirage, tune in to your self-talk and ask yourself my two questions. Then rewrite your “I’m an imposter” story.

Good luck and let me know how you get on.

Watch the video below that explains what is imposter syndrome and how we can deal with it

The post The curious case of the Imposter Syndrome appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Comparison Begins Early

We are always comparing; from our very childhood we are taught comparison. Somebody else’s child is more cute, more beautiful, more intelligent; somebody else’s child is more obedient, and yours is not. All educational systems depend on comparison: somebody stands first, and somebody is the last in the class; somebody passes, another fails. Teachers appreciate students who are obedient; they hate students, they punish students who are not obedient in every way.

The whole structure of society is continuously comparing, and the very idea of comparison is absolutely false.

Each individual is unique because there is nobody else like him. Comparison would have been right if all individuals were alike; they are not. Even twins are not absolutely alike; it is impossible to find another man who is exactly like you. So, we are comparing unique people — which creates the whole trouble.

No First, No Second

In my vision, in schools, there should be no examinations, so nobody comes first and nobody comes second, nobody passes and nobody fails. In schools, there should be merits given every day by every teacher in different subjects to each student. And, based on all those merits it should be decided when a child is ready to move into another class. Some child may be ready within two months; there is no need for him to wait one year. Some child may move after eight months, some child may move after twelve months, some child may take fifteen months. But, nobody is higher than the other; everybody is moving according to his pace, according to his interest.

Everybody has some uniqueness. Education should be organised in such a way that that uniqueness comes over, and becomes an actuality.

Everyone is Unique

A plumber should be as respected as a great physicist. The plumber should be as respected and dignified as the professor. These are professions. You should not value the individual by profession; the individual is invaluable. Hierarchy would drop from society if no profession were bigger and greater and higher than other professions; thereafter, comparison would start disappearing.

In schools comparison should start disappearing. There is no need for every child to read geography, or history, unless he loves it. The choice of subjects should be his love. Every school, every university, every college should devote at least two months in the beginning of the year for students to move into all other subjects, to listen to teachers of different subjects, and find out for themselves what is their love, what triggers their heart and their intelligence.

Right now the situation is such that a person who could have been a good butcher has become a surgeon. Now, there is going to be a difficulty. He should be a butcher, but the butcher should not be in any way lower than the surgeon. Society should be made of unique people, bringing out their talents as fully as possible. Education should help it, parents should help it, everybody around should help every child to bring out his talents. But, right now, that is not the situation; everybody is being ordered.

I have never felt at any point in my life that existence disappoints you if you are honest, sincere. It always helps you; it is immensely compassionate.

This whole system of hierarchy can be dissolved, and only then will inferiority complex dissolve. That is only a symptom.

Even Napoleon Felt Inferior

Everybody feels inferior — I say everybody, without exception — in some way or other. Somebody is more beautiful than you, somebody is healthier than you, somebody is more educated than you, somebody is in a higher post than you, and somebody has a more beautiful wife than you. Life is such a complex thing, and there are so many things in life that if you start comparing, nobody would be happy.

Related » Get out of your way!

You would think that a man like Napoleon Bonaparte should not feel inferior: he’s one of the biggest heroes of our mad, so-called history. But, he felt very inferior because he was not very tall; he was only five-feet-five-inches. And, that was such a wound—that his soldiers were taller, his bodyguards were taller.

But, I don’t see any problem: whether you are six-feet, seven-feet, five-feet, anyway your feet reach the earth—that’s the whole purpose. It is not that when you are five-feet you are hanging two feet above and everybody laughs at you. The whole thing is that your feet reach the earth, you can walk.

Politicians and Inferiority Complex

Everybody feels inferior in some way or other, and the reason is that we don’t accept that everyone is unique in their own way. There is no question of inferiority or superiority. Everybody is just one of his kind; so comparison does not arise.

Politicians are the worst sufferers from inferiority complex. They want to prove to the world that they are great, they have power over millions—they are presidents, prime ministers. But, if you look at their lives, that inferiority complex has not left them; it is still there.

For centuries we have been creating the disease; we have not allowed people to accept themselves as they are. The moment you accept yourself as you are, without any comparison, all inferiority, all superiority disappears.

Don’t ask for anything. Whatever you have, existence is wiser than you think. It has given you everything that you need. Just explore your own treasures and bring them to their fulfillment. Bring every potentiality to actuality.

Once this disease of comparison and inferiority complex disappears, politics will disappear automatically. Politics is the outcome of inferiority complex. People want power to prove to themselves and to others that they are not just nobodies.

I teach you just to be yourself, and that’s enough. You are accepted by the sun, you are accepted by the moon, you are accepted by the trees; you are accepted by the ocean, you are accepted by the earth… What more do you want?

You are accepted by this Universe. Rejoice in it!

The post Everyone Is Unique and There Is No One Like You appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.