What Did the Buddha Say About Infidelity?

The first of the five hindrances that the Buddha warned us about is lustful desires. In the Dhammapada, a concise collection of his teachings, the Buddha said: “Lust and greed ruin the mind as weeds ruin fields.” This is an image that we can all relate to and have probably, at one time or another, experienced for ourselves.

So, if we have been a victim or a perpetrator of sexual infidelity or cheating in a relationship, how can Buddha’s wisdom help us today in the 21^st century to understand, cope, and deal with it? How, according to Buddhism, can we move from ill-will, hatred or anger toward our self or our partner, to healing and forgiveness of everyone involved?

What would be Buddha’s Advice for You if You Are a Victim of Your Partner’s Infidelity?

Whatever we’re feeling about this transgression, chances are we are feeling some level of anger and jealousy. The first step is to find our way out of this murky depth of distraction, so that we can see clearly what there is to do. If we get stuck in blaming, shaming and keeping the focus on someone else’s faults, there is no way out for us.

A 5-step meditation to deal with your emotions towards your cheating partner

1. Begin practising mindfulness by taking the focus off the other person and turning your attention to your self and your feelings.
2. Find a quiet place to sit, with as few external distractions as possible. Then turn your attention to your body, your breath and your inner landscape. Take note of what keeps coming up:
   “I hate him/her for doing this to me.”
   “I’m a fool for believing in him/her.”
   “I can’t believe he/she cheated on me with that person.”
3. How does your body feel? Where is the tension? Can you breathe into those places one by one and, every time you exhale, breathe out some relief?
4. Then start to remove the pronouns, the names and the specifics about this betrayal from your thoughts. How does it feel to admit hate or foolishness or worry?
5. Then sit with just the feelings that are coming up; part the feelings from the individuals attached to them. Most likely there’s some anger in there. How about fear? Are these feelings new to you or have you felt them before? Can you try to accept that you are feeling these things and make an effort to not act on them? Can you accept that these feelings are inside you and the actions of your partner simply triggered them? Can you believe that you have the power to ignite these feelings or not?

Mindfully Meditating on Your Partner’s Adultery

Can you feel anger without being angry? Sit with this idea for a few moments, without feeding your emotions with a story. Notice what happens to the emotion if you just allow it to exist. You can practise this during the course of any day: first take note of your reaction to minor incidents, a pedestrian or co-worker being rude, traffic stalling when you’re in a hurry, a slow moving line or late train. What is the feeling that arises? Impatience, anger, fear, worry, frustration? What do you say? How do you act? Then after some time passes, notice how you feel: helpless, out of sorts, tense, ashamed?

Let’s go back to the initial feeling that got triggered when your needs were not met. If you can acknowledge that you had an expectation followed by disappointment followed by your particular set of feelings, then the real work of healing and self-empowerment can begin. Name the feeling, feel the feeling and don’t give in to your habitual way of coping. Don’t say or do anything, just sit with the feeling; breathe, notice and stay put. If you can begin to master these minor uncomfortable interactions, when it comes to the big ones like infidelity you’ll be ready. It doesn’t mean you won’t be hurt like crazy, but you will be able to deal with whatever life brings you, with equanimity and understanding.

Related » 6 Trust Building Exercises For Couples

What if You Are the One Who Has Committed Adultery?

As humans, we have a deep need to connect with others, to be intimate, to love and be loved. So when we meet the person with whom we want to spend our lives and we make a vow to be true to that person, we often tend to think “This is it! The end, we’re committed, it’s done!” And that is when the relationship can begin to break down. Think of this vow, this commitment to each other as a living, breathing thing that needs continual attention in order to survive.

Too often we become lazy in relationships, both with ourselves and with others, so that one day we wake up and don’t even know the person sleeping next to us or the person we’ve changed into. We think: “It’s his/her fault for making me stray from our marriage. If he/she paid more attention to me, spent more time doing what I want, this wouldn’t have happened. I’m the one who initiates everything and I’m tired of it.”

Other-awareness often comes before self-awareness, which can help us to justify our bad behavior: adultery, cheating or any other misconduct that hurts our relationship.

Dealing with your emotions after committing adultery

So, first and foremost, it is important to pay attention to every moment, day, word, exchange and action we take with our loved one. We must first become aware of our reactions to our partner and then learn to communicate, in a loving and respectful way, what it is we feel and what it is we need.

If you’re reading this and you have already moved into unfaithful behavior, it is not too late to save your relationship. You owe it to yourself and your partner to explore what happened and what can be done.

But before you approach your partner, you will need to come clean with yourself about your actions, your infidelity. Investigate your history of relationships. Not just the one you’re in, but the ones that came before.

Introspecting your own patterns of infidelity

Can you see a pattern? How open and honest were you? If you can’t be honest with yourself right now, you won’t be able to be honest with anyone. This is a rigorous spiritual work, but it can lead to a satisfying, long-lasting, love partnership. Were you able to ask for what you needed and wanted from your partners? Or did you expect them to know? How did you give and receive love from others? Be careful as you go through this self-exploration, not to shame and blame. And find a trusted friend, advisor or therapist to work with. You do not have to go through it alone.

If your relationship history includes a pattern of jumping from one relationship to the next to find the perfect person, you are not alone. Many of us do it. But that hole in you that you are trying to fill can never be filled by anyone else. That is not the solution to your loneliness and desire to be loved. Deep inside you know this to be true.

Adultery Can Affect Those Outside the Relationship Too

It is no coincidence that the third precept in Buddhism, after “do not kill” and “do not steal”, is do not engage in sexual misconduct—do not misuse sex and give in to lust. It causes so much harm, so much suffering. Even spiritual communities and Zen Masters are not immune from this. My own sangha was blown apart as a result of the sexual transgressions of our teacher. His actions harmed every member in our community—not only the students that he took advantage of, but also the ones who defended him. But just as I can recover from his infidelity, so can he.

Also read » Extramarital Affairs: Why Do We Stray?

Dealing With Adultery According to the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism

The first noble truth of Buddhism tells us that we all suffer. Some suffering, like birth, death and illness cannot be avoided. The second noble truth tells us that our craving to have things different than they actually are creates much of our suffering. The Buddha’s third noble truth tells us that if we see things as they are and let go of craving and clinging, we can reduce our suffering. And the fourth noble truth offers us a path to liberation from craving, toward a compassionate life, free from suffering.

Of course, following these noble truths prescribed by the Buddha does not mean that you or your partner will never commit adultery. What it does mean is that you have the power to care for yourself and to become aware of your reactions to whatever life brings you, and not act out on your own impulses.

If you become honest with yourself and become willing to open up a dialogue with your partner about how to proceed, then—and only then—is there the possibility of healing. If you can be honest with yourself, then you have a better chance of being honest with your partner, even if you are the one misusing sex.

If we want to have a truly intimate connection with our partner, we must first have such a connection with ourselves and understand that sex is not love, nor is it the only path to intimacy. Healing from any sexual transgression or cheating that we experience requires some detachment, a great deal of self-love and moment-by-moment attention to what it is to be truly human. And then compassion and forgiveness of ourselves and others will follow in time.

Key Takeaways: Buddhist Teachings on Adultery

The Buddhist path offers practical tools for healing that honor both the reality of suffering and the possibility of transformation.

Core Buddhist Understanding

Sexual misconduct creates universal suffering. As the Buddha stated: “Lust and greed ruin the mind as weeds ruin fields.” Infidelity is the third fundamental precept in Buddhism because it harms not just partners, but entire communities.

For Those Who Have Been Betrayed

Turn your attention inward, not outward. Practice the 5-step meditation: focus on yourself, find quiet space, breathe into tension, remove names from thoughts, and sit with feelings separate from people.

Learn to feel anger without being angry. Your partner’s actions triggered feelings already inside you – recognizing this gives you power over your responses.

For Those Who Have Been Unfaithful

Honest self-examination comes first. “If you can’t be honest with yourself right now, you won’t be able to be honest with anyone.” Investigate your relationship patterns before approaching your partner.

Relationships require continuous attention. Commitment is “a living, breathing thing that needs continual attention in order to survive.”

The Four Noble Truths Applied

1. Suffering exists – Betrayal causes inevitable pain
2. Craving creates suffering – Wanting things different adds to pain
3. Suffering can end – Letting go of clinging reduces suffering
4. There is a path – Mindful awareness enables healing

Essential Healing Principles

Three key elements: Detachment (space from emotions), self-love (compassion during healing), and moment-by-moment attention (staying present).

Recovery is possible for everyone. “Just as I can recover from his infidelity, so can he.”

Core Insights

• Sex is not love – True intimacy requires first connecting with yourself
• Forgiveness follows naturally – Don’t force it; practice detachment and self-love first
• Healing needs mutual commitment – Both partners must do the inner work
• It’s not too late – Even after infidelity, relationships can be saved
• Practice with small challenges first – Build mindfulness skills with minor irritations before tackling major betrayals

Last updated on 7^th July 2025

The post Buddha on Infidelity and How to Recover from It appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Breathing consciously is like drinking a glass of cool water. As we breathe in, we really feel the air filling our lungs. We don’t need to control our breath. We feel the breath as it actually is. It may be long or short, deep or shallow. In the light of our awareness it will naturally become slower and deeper. Conscious breathing is the key to uniting body and mind and bringing the energy of mindfulness into each moment of our life.

Regardless of our internal weather—our thoughts, emotions, and perceptions—our breathing is always with us like a faithful friend. Whenever we feel carried away, sunk in a deep emotion, or caught in thoughts about the past or the future, we can return to our breathing to collect and anchor our mind.

How to Practice Conscious Breathing

Light and natural, calm and peaceful

While you breathe in and out, feel the flow of air coming in and going out of your nose. At first your breathing may not be relaxed.

But after practicing conscious breathing for awhile, you will feel how light and natural, how calm and peaceful your breathing has become. Any time you’re walking, gardening, typing, or doing anything at all, you can return to this peaceful source of life.

You can say to yourself:

Breathing in, I know I’m breathing in.
Breathing out, I know I’m breathing out 

When the mind is no longer thinking

After a few breaths, you may want to shorten this to “In, Out”. If you follow your in-breath and out-breath all the way through, your mind is no longer thinking. Now your mind has a chance to rest. In our daily life we think too much. Giving our mind a chance to stop thinking is wonderful.

“Breathing in, I know I’m breathing in…” isn’t a thought. It’s a simple awareness that something is happening, that you are breathing in and out. When you breathe in and bring your attention to your in-breath you bring your mind back to a reunion with your body. Just one in-breath can help the mind come back to the body. When body and mind come together, you can be truly in the present moment.

“Breathing in, I know I’m breathing in…” is another way of saying “Breathing in, I feel alive.” Life is in you and life is around you—life with all its wonders: the sunshine, the blue sky, the autumn leaves. It’s very important to go home to the present moment to get in touch with the healing, refreshing, and nourishing elements of life inside and around you. A light smile can relax all the muscles of your face.

Breathing in, I recognize the blue sky.
Breathing out, I smile to the blue sky, 

Breathing in, I am aware of the beautiful autumn leaves.
Breathing out, I smile to the beautiful autumn leaves. 

You can shorten this to “blue sky” on the in-breath, and “healing” on the out-breath. Then “autumn leaves” on the in-breath, and “smiling” on the out-breath. When you practice breathing like this, it puts you in touch with all these wonders of life.

Just one in-breath can help the mind come back to the body

With conscious breathing, you are in touch with life

The beauty of life is nourishing you. You are free from your worries and fears. You get in touch with your breath and with your body. Your body is a wonder. Your eyes are a wonder, you need only to open your eyes to be able to touch the paradise of forms and colors that are available. Your ears are a wonder. Thanks to your ears you can hear all kinds of sounds: music, birdsong, and the wind blowing through the pine trees. When you pay attention to your in-breath and out-breath, you bring yourself home to the present moment, to the here and the now, and you are in touch with life. If you were to continue to be lost in the past, or to run to the future, you’d miss all of that.

Breathing in, I follow my in-breath all the way through.
Breathing out, I follow my out-breath all the way through. 

In the beginning, you may notice that your breathing may feel labored or awkward. Your breath is a result of your body and feelings. If your body has tension or pain, if your feelings are painful, then your breath is affected. Bring your attention to your breath and breathe mindfully.

Breathing in, I know I’m breathing in.
Breathing out, I know I’m breathing out. 

Breathing in, I smile to my in-breath.
Breathing out, I smile to my out-breath. 

Let the quality of your breathing improve naturally

Never force your breath. If your in-breath is short, let it be short. If it’s not very peaceful, let it be like that. We don’t intervene, force, or “work on” our breath. We just become aware of it, and after some time, the quality of our breathing improves naturally. Mindfulness of breathing identifies and embraces our in-breath and out-breath, like a mother going home to her child and embracing her child tenderly in her arms. You’ll be surprised to see that after one or two minutes, the quality of your breathing begins improving. Your in-breath becomes deeper, your out-breath becomes slower. Your breathing becomes more peaceful and harmonious.

Breathing in, I notice that my in-breath has become deeper.
Breathing out, I notice that my out-breath has become slower.

When you notice that your in-breath and out-breath have become more peaceful, deeper, and slower, you can offer that peace, calm, and harmony to your body. In your daily life, you may be neglecting and ignoring your body. Now is your chance to come home to your body, recognize its existence, get reacquainted, and make friends with it.

Breathing in, I’m aware of my body.
Breathing out, I release all the tension in my body. 

Rising, falling

These breathing exercises come from the Buddha himself*. They’re very easy, like child’s play. If it’s helpful, put your hand on your belly. You’ll notice that when you breathe in, your stomach is rising, and when you breathe out, your stomach is falling. Rising, falling. Especially in the lying position, it’s easy to feel your abdomen rising and falling. You’re aware of your in-breath and out-breath from the beginning to the end. Breathing like this is enjoyable. You aren’t thinking anymore—of the past, of the future, of your projects, of your suffering. Breathing becomes a pleasure, a reminder of life itself.

Breathing in, I enjoy my in-breath.
Breathing out, I enjoy my out breath

*See Thich Nhat Hanh Breathe! You Are Alive (Berkeley, CA Parallax Press, 2008)

Later on, after you’ve been able to offer that peace and to your body, helping it to release the tension, then you can identify your feelings and emotions.

Breathing in, I’m aware of the painful feeling in me.
Breathing out, I smile to the painful feeling in me.

There’s a painful feeling, but there’s also mindfulness. Mindfulness is like a mother, embracing the feeling tenderly. Mindfulness is always mindfulness of something. When you breathe mindfully, that is mindfulness of breathing. When you walk mindfully, that is mindfulness of walking. When you drink mindfully, that is mindfulness of drinking. When you’re mindful of your feelings, that’s mindfulness of feeling. Mindfulness can be brought to intervene in every physical and mental event, bringing recognition and relief.

The present moment is the only moment

I’d like to offer you a practice poem you can recite from time to time, while breathing and smiling:

Breathing in, I know I am breathing in.
Breathing out, I know I am breathing out.

As my in-breath grows deep,
My out-breath grows slow.

Breathing in, I calm my body,
Breathing out, I feel at ease.

Breathing in, I smile,
Breathing out, I release.

Dwelling in the present moment,
I know this is a wonderful moment.

You can shorten this to the words below, one word or phrase per breath:

In, Out.
Deep, Slow.
Calm, Ease.
Smile, Release.
Present Moment, Wonderful Moment.

The present moment is the only moment that is real. Your most important task is to be here and now and enjoy the present moment.

Complementary content

Here’s a meditation that teaches you to breathe consciously — guided by the venerable Thich Nhat Hahn himself. You might find it immensely useful. (Audio only)

The post Thich Nhat Hanh Teaches How to Practice Conscious Breathing appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

As we train that mind to get in touch with focussed breathing and calm down, restful sleep becomes a possibility. Mindfulness practices promote being in our senses over being in our thoughts, being in the ‘here and now’ over being in the past or the future. You may be physically present when you are in bed, but mentally you may be somewhere else.

Even if you lay your body down in a dark, quiet and comfortable bed, in your mind you may be going over an acrimonious argument you had with your teenage son earlier in the day. But your body does not know the difference between an imaginary argument and a real one; in both cases, it gets worked up and soon you are more ready for shadow boxing than for sleeping.

Thoughts don’t come with a switch

Perhaps you’ve had nights like this, or know somebody who does. It is frustrating, because you want to live an effective life; but here you are, hours are ticking by, and you cannot bill them to anybody! For some of you, sleep might be a waste of time, when you could be doing something more productive.

It is in moments like these that we discover what a busy place our mind is. This is also one of the first discoveries that people make when they start to meditate. The heart beats, the lungs breathe and the brain thinks—constantly. Thinking goes on all the time; it does not stop after we hand in that brilliant research paper, finish tutoring our kids, or mail our income tax. Thinking does not stop when we go to bed. There is no ‘off’ button.

Some first-timers become overwhelmed with the sheer volume of their own thoughts. They find it disagreeable to sit with all that confusion. Yet, there is no way to avoid or ignore that initial confusion. Pushing it away by seeking distractions is self-limiting: the blockbuster movie is soon over, that gripping novel ends and guests eventually leave. Sooner or later we need to face it and find a way to deal with it.

You cannot control sleep

Have you ever wondered how the Buddha slept? And can you sleep like the Buddha slept? The answer is yes. Like in Vipassana meditation, calming the mind is the first step. Mindfulness makes it possible to let go, and to abandon yourself to sleep. This is different from trying to control sleep. There are some things you can and do control—like your skeletal muscles, or which way your car is going when you are behind the wheel. There are some other things you cannot control consciously. Sleep is one of them.

The conscious mind may be good at creating the conditions for sleep, like turning off the light, putting on some soft music and so on, but it has no clue about how to ‘do’ sleep. The ‘doers’ among us may try to control every aspect to a point where the habit backfires. This is where mindfulness helps; it makes us aware of our habits of mind, our attitudes, and our thoughts. And awareness is the first step towards change.

Train your brain to sleep like the Buddha

Change happens slowly, but it does happen. The ability of meditation practice to physically change the brain has been documented by neuroscientists. The brain is like plastic and will change to accommodate the changing demands that we make on it. In mindfulness meditation, we pay attention intentionally—we do not allow ourselves to give in to automatic thoughts.

In the iconic image of the meditating Buddha, he was sitting and watering seeds selectively—he was watering the seeds of positive mental states. With time and practice, weeding our thoughts becomes easier to do, and pays off.

During the day, the people around us, our work, or even leisure activities occupy our minds. At night, when these stop, automatic thinking takes over—unless we offer the mind something else. This ‘something else’ is what we develop in meditation. It is the ability to come home to our body… to the soothing rhythm of our breath. Because we have been shown the path, we can be certain that the Buddha was peaceful not only during the day, but also at night when he lay down to sleep.

Tips to sleep like the Buddha

• A daily period of meditation is important for calming the mind. In meditation, we become witnesses of our own thoughts and feelings. This is different from ‘drowning’ in them. We stay with the breath, and observe our thoughts.
• Avoid watching the evening news on TV; it is usually a run-down of what’s wrong with the world. At night-time, you need to contemplate what’s right with the world. You may wish to mentally go over all the good things that happened during the day and give thanks for all the things that you feel grateful for.
• If you enjoy reading before going to sleep, choose something nourishing, not a mystery novel or a horror story.
• Emails and text messages are best read in the morning. At bedtime, bad news will get you upset. Good news will get you excited. Both these states of mind are not conducive to sleep.

Meditation has many benefits, and better sleep is one of them. In most pictures of the meditating Buddha, he sits on a seat of lotus flowers. This is a metaphor for his state of mind. Without a peaceful mind, even the softest bed can sometimes feel like a bed of nails!

The post How to sleep like the Buddha appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

The Buddha is frequently referred to in the Pali scriptures as ‘the Happy One’, and his friendliness immediately struck those who encountered him. In that spirit he taught a wide range of spiritual practices to a great variety of individuals, instructing them according to temperament and spiritual need.

Two practices he frequently recommended were mindfulness of breathing and Mettā Bhāvanā, literally ‘the meditation that cultivates a quality of goodwill’. This quality focuses strongly on relationships. It is the desire to help, to be a friend and to be open and interested in people. The opposite of the anxiety to get things, it’s a desire to give—the very spirit of generosity. It’s also an ethical, responsible quality: one cannot bear to harm or to exploit others.

Mettā is a positive emotion. Its essence is the wish for someone to be truly happy. This wish is also at the heart of Metta Bhavana meditation, in which you wish happiness—and importantly, its causes—for four kinds of people with a special place in your life: you [and that’s vital], good friends, neutral people and those you find difficult.

Mettā Bhāvanā meditation

This brief description gives an idea of the stages of Mettā Bhāvanā practice.

Prepare for meditation. Sit quietly, settle down, connect with your body and with whatever you are feeling and thinking.

Cultivate mettā for yourself

Consider your life and experience how it feels to be you. Feel the truth of your experience, perhaps joyous, perhaps sad. Acknowledging whatever feelings are present, wish yourself happiness. Maybe say to yourself, ‘May I be well and happy. Then just keep setting your attention back on to that wish [five minutes].

Cultivate mettā for a friend

Switch to the impression in your mind, whatever form that takes, of a friend—maybe this will be an actual visual image, but a simple feeling is fine. They should be roughly your age and not someone you particularly have sexual feelings for [keep it simple!]. Experience your true response and wish them happiness as you did earlier for yourself [five minutes].

Cultivate mettā for a ‘neutral’ person

Think of someone for whom you don’t have a particular liking or dislike. What you feel when you bring them to mind may not be very clear but stay with what’s there and encourage a friendly response, wishing them happiness. It’s good training to maintain this in relation to someone you don’t naturally find interesting, so keep it up [five minutes]!

Cultivate mettā for a difficult person

Turn your attention to someone you’re not getting on with. Experience truthfully how you feel now without being misled by how they ‘always’ make you feel. Cultivate a fresh response, wishing them real happiness, even though that might go against the grain. Real happiness makes everyone more likeable and has little connection with superficial pleasure or advantage. So let go of any animosity or resentment you’re harbouring [five minutes].

Cultivate mettā equally for each person

Now concentrate on all four people—you, your friend, the neutral person and the difficult person—and develop mettā as equally as you can towards each.

From there, cultivate mettā for all beings everywhere

Let your mettā expand like the warmth of the sun towards all beings everywhere in the world. Here is one way. Start with those nearest you, in the same room or the same building. Then include everyone in the street, town, city or area you are in. Let your imagination take your good wishes out in ever-widening circles. Include everyone in the country, the continent, the other continents, the entire Earth, the whole universe. Recall how all those beings, human and non-human, are undergoing every kind of experience even as you are meditating. Think of them all with equally strong love and kindness.

Detailed instructions

Start by sitting in a comfortable position. If you sit as still as possible, it will help to keep you focussed on how you are feeling. Mindfulness, especially mindfulness of feeling and emotion, is an important key to Mettā Bhāvanā. But body awareness is also needed in order to experience feeling: emotional energy comes from opening up to what is here physically. Fully experience the pleasantness, the unpleasantness or just the absence of feeling that is present. If there are painful feelings, don’t pretend that they don’t exist. Realise that there’s no need to be angry or despondent because of them.

Simply experience them mindfully. It’s the same with pleasant feelings—recognising and enjoying pleasure without getting over-involved. And if there seems to be no feeling at all, which is common enough, turn and face that space of [apparent] nothingness. Actively experience it. It could be that you need to re-establish contact with your core experience, with the body and the senses, because you’ve lost touch. But it is just as likely that, quite naturally, your experience is somewhat neutral at the moment. Whatever the case, to help with the meditation sit very still and simply ‘listen’ receptively to the experience, even though it may feel as though there is nothing there. Rest attention within the body, on the breathing, the muscular relaxation or tension and the general flow of physical energy.

Don’t worry if feelings are weak or hardly noticeable; if they are subtle or uncertain, this only indicates that they need to be given space for their meaning to become clear. Thus, feeling doesn’t have to be powerful and strong before you can do something with it. If you stay with the experience as it is, you can build mettā effectively, even when the feeling is subtle and barely perceptible.

As often as not, you have to acknowledge pain. Human experience is a bittersweet mixture; it is never 100 per cent pleasure. When feelings are pleasant, it is easy to be kind and friendly. But when they are painful, you need to be patient and avoid reacting with emotions such as denial, ill will, frustration or self-pity, which easily become habitual.

It is helpful, if you can, to continue experiencing them, patiently understanding that all feelings—pleasant, painful or neutral—are temporary, and that your reactions to pain actually end up making it even more painful. So allow space for something new to enter.

At first, the response of loving-kindness may not be very strong; but once it gets started, you can build on it.

As you meditate, try to get a sense of totality, of completeness, of all beings. Let go completely and expand the attitude, emotion and feeling beyond all conceivable limits.

Last updated on 17^th September 2019

The post Mettā Bhavana: All-encompassing love appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Whenever you feel bored you will feel restless. Restlessness is an indication of the body; the body is saying, “Move away from here. Go anywhere, but don’t be here.” But, the mind goes on smiling and the eyes go on sparkling, and you go on saying that you are listening and you have never heard such a beautiful thing. The mind is civilised; the body is still wild. The mind is human; the body is still animal. The mind is false; the body is true. The mind knows the rules and regulations — how to behave and how to behave rightly — so even if you meet a bore you say, “I am so happy, so glad to see you!” And, deep down, if you were allowed, you would kill this man. He tempts you to murder. Then you become fidgety; then you feel restlessness.

Buddha was bored

Boredom is one of the most important things in human life. Boredom is the first indication that a great understanding is arising in you about the futility, the meaninglessness of life and its ways. A man becomes human when he starts feeling bored. You can see it: the most intelligent child will be the most bored child, because nothing can keep his interest for long. Sooner or later, he stumbles upon the fact and asks, “Now what? What next? This is finished. I have seen this toy, I have looked into it, I have opened it, and I have analysed it, what is next?” By the time he becomes young, he’s already bored. And then restlessness follows. Boredom and restlessness are a package.

Buddha was utterly bored and therefore restless. He left his kingdom when he was only 29, at the peak of his youth. He was utterly bored, with wine, wealth, kingdom, with everything. He had seen all; he had seen through and through. Traditionally, it is said he renounced the world because the world is bad; that is absolutely nonsense. He renounced the world because he became so bored with it. And, what was he doing then for six years sitting in those forests? He was getting more and more bored. What can you do, sitting in a forest? Watching your breath, day-in, day-out, year in, year out. He created that boredom to its ultimate peak, and one night it disappeared. It disappears of its own accord.

Boredom and restlessness

If you listen to the body and run away, the restlessness will disappear. Try it. If somebody is boring you simply start jumping and running around. See. Restlessness will disappear because restlessness simply shows that the energy does not want to be here. The energy is already on the move; the energy has already left this place. Now, you follow energy.

So, the real thing is to understand boredom, not restlessness. Boredom is a significant phenomenon. Only man feels bored, no other animal. You cannot make a buffalo bored. Impossible. Only man gets bored because only man is conscious. Consciousness is the cause. The more sensitive you are, the more alert you are, the more conscious you are, the more you will feel bored. In more situations you will feel bored. A mediocre mind does not feel so bored. He goes on; he accepts, whatsoever is okay; he is not so alert. The more alert you become, the more fresh, the more you will feel as if some situation is just a repetition, as if some situation is just getting hard on you, as if some situation is just stale. The more sensitive you are, the more bored you will become.

Boredom means you are sensitive

Boredom is an indication of sensitivity. Trees are not bored, animals are not bored, rocks are not bored — because, they are not sensitive enough. This has to be one of the basic understandings about your boredom — that you are sensitive.

But Buddhas also are not bored. You cannot bore a Buddha. Animals are not bored and Buddhas are not bored, so boredom exists as a middle phenomenon between the animal and the Buddha. For boredom a little more sensitivity is needed than is given to the animal. And, if you want to get beyond it then you have to become totally sensitive. Then, again the boredom disappears. But, in the middle the boredom is there. If you become animal-like, then boredom disappears. So, you will find that people who live a very animalistic life are less bored. Eating, drinking, marrying — they are not very bored, but they are not sensitive. They live at the minimum. They live only with that much consciousness as is needed for a day-to-day routine life.

Monotony is boring

You will find that intellectuals, people who think too much, are more bored, because they think. And, because of their thinking they can see that something is just repetition. Your life is repetition. Every morning you get up almost the same way as you have been getting up all your life. You take your breakfast almost the same way. Then you go to the office — the same office, the same people, the same work. Then you come home — the same wife. If you get bored it is natural. It is very difficult for you to see any newness here; everything seems to be old, dust-covered.

Watch people walking on the street and you will see them completely bored. Everybody is bored, bored to death. Look at their faces — no aura of delight. Look at their eyes — dust-covered, no glimmer of inner happiness. By and by, the whole life becomes a mechanical routine, a constant repetition. And, one day they die… almost always people die without ever having been alive.

Bertrand Russell is reported to have said, “When I remember, I cannot find more than a few moments in my life when I was really alive, aflame.” Can you remember? How many moments in your life were you really aflame? Rarely it happens. One dreams about those moments, one imagines those moments, one hopes for those moments — but, they never happen. Even if they happen, sooner or later, they also become repetitive.

The solution is to be more conscious

When you fall in love with a woman, or a man, you feel a miracle, but by and by the miracle disappears and everything settles into a routine. Boredom is the consciousness of repetition.

Hence, people try to change. They move into a new house, they bring a new car home, they divorce the old husband, they find a new love affair, but again that thing is going to become repetitive, sooner or later. Changing places, changing persons, changing partners, changing houses, is not going to do anything. And, whenever a society becomes very bored, people start moving from one town to another: from one job to another, from one wife to another, but sooner or later they realise that this is all nonsense because the same thing is going to happen again and again with every woman, with every man, with every house, with every car.

What to do then? Become more conscious. It is not a question of changing situations; transform your being, become more conscious. If you become more conscious you will be able to see that each moment is new; but for that, tremendous energy of consciousness is needed.

Existence is available for those who are available to existence. And, then I tell you, there is no boredom and restlessness. Life is infinite delight.

Last updated on 13^th July 2020

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