As a devoted student of those dying patients, I learned seven life lessons that I have been able to incorporate into my own life and that have helped me find my way through my struggles:

7 life lessons from the dying

1. Suffering

Embrace your difficulties rather than resist them. This lesson is the key to learning the most effective attitude towards challenging times. Those who resist their suffering tend to experience more pain and more complications, while those who accept that suffering is just a part of life, quickly move on to focus on other issues. Use your time to make the best of each situation rather than complaining about the things you don’t like.

2. Love

It’s all about relationships. In the final analysis, dying people care more about relationships than anything else in life. Those who have failed to love earlier in their lives spend most of their dying hours trying to rectify that situation. Pay attention now to the relationships that are already in your life. If you don’t already know how to give and receive love, start learning now.

3. Forgiveness

Move on quickly after mistakes. Nothing is gained from harbouring resentment towards self or others. Most dying patients work hard to make amends and find forgiveness with their loved ones. Start now by refusing to hold on to grudges and negative feelings. Take the disappointments of life lightly and keep moving on to deal with greater lessons.

4. Paradise

Enjoy what you have and where you are right now. Wishing for things to be different traps you in the future, and regretting what has already happened ties you to the past. The dying focus on the present moment because it is all they have. But they find a great capacity to enjoy even the smallest things and savour each and every experience. Throughout each day, stop frequently and find the pleasure in exactly what you are doing in that moment.

5. Purpose

Purpose is what you are creating in the moment right now. The dying have no future about which to daydream or fantasise. So they find meaning and purpose in whatever they are doing in the present moment. Recognise that your life is unfolding one moment at a time and that each and every moment has its own special purpose. Make every moment matter and stop living for what you might accomplish someday—there is only now.

6. Surrender

Stop trying to change what you cannot change. All attempts to change the way things are have long been abandoned by the time the dying get to their last days. But it is foolish for any of us to waste our precious time and energy trying to make things different than they really are. Once you give up this battle, direct your energy towards being creative instead.

7. Impermanence

Let go of your fear of failure. One of the most difficult tasks for the dying is to overcome the fear of death. But once they cross that obstacle, it becomes clear that nothing in life should be feared. Keep moving forward in your life and lose your fear that you will fail. Truly, no matter what happens, you cannot fail if you are on your path because failure doesn’t exist on the spiritual journey. So stop giving your energy to fear and live your life fully and courageously.

With these seven lessons from the dying as a guide, it is possible to live with joy and celebration even in times of great difficulty. Pay attention now to these things that really matter so that you can spend your life in peace and equanimity. This is really why we are here and why we are facing such enormous challenges. Become a student now, practise your lessons every day and watch as the beauty of life unfolds before you, just as a flower blossoms in the light of day.

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Story of the Lion and the Fox

There was once a man who prayed relentlessly for divine awareness to bring him lasting joy and success in his life. Finally, after months of praying, his effort bore fruit. As he went to sleep, he dreamed that he was wandering in the forest looking for enlightenment.

The next morning, taking the dream as a cue from God, he headed to the woods and meandered there for several hours looking for some sign that would provide answers. That’s when he spotted a fox with no legs lying between two rocks in a cool place.

Curious as to how a crippled fox has been surviving, he hid behind a tree and waited until sunset and was surprised to see a lion come and lay meat before the fox. “Ah, now I understand,” the man thought. “The secret to success in life is to trust that God will take care of all my needs. I don’t need to struggle to provide for myself. All I have to do is simply surrender.”

Two weeks later, weakened and starving after applying his newfound “wisdom”, the man had another dream. In it he heard a voice say, “Fool! Be like the lion, not like the fox.”

A Powerful Lesson on Serving

There’s such a powerful lesson in this Zen tale for everyone who walks the path of self-discovery. Life is a fine balance between surrender and service. The crippled fox was in the state of surrender because of his physical inability to do anything. The lion, on the other hand, was capable of hunting; he was in a position to help the fox and was doing exactly that.

When I am fully capable of helping myself and others, I have the opportunity to be the large-hearted lion. At such times, I need to act courageously, move forward with conviction and do all that I can to the best of my ability. I must not look for an excuse to shy away from action. I must be careful not to resign myself to a difficult situation and recognise the strengths I possess. Besides, being of service to others is a privilege. When someone needs my help, it means I am being given the opportunity to use my gifts and I must be grateful for that.

When to Surrender

There are also times when I actually find myself in the position of the crippled fox—absolutely helpless regarding a situation. Such times—when there’s simply no way out—are times to practise surrender, which is another way of saying that I must simply relax and allow life to unfold. Such surrender is an act of faith, and comes from a deeper understanding that whatever is happening is exactly what is supposed to happen. How do I know that? Because, it is happening! As Byron Katie says, “When I argue with reality, I lose—but only 100 per cent of the time.” I might as well accept what is. Then, a lion may or may not be on his way to rescue me—that’s not my lookout. My job is to make peace with my situation, however undesirable it is. Because, life has its own way of working out.

My great challenge, of course, is to guard against the tendency to underestimate my inner strengths or assume false weaknesses as an excuse for inaction. When I do so, I am behaving like the man in the above story who acted like the crippled fox even though he was really a mighty lion.

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She tells us about her excitement and keenness to get the part, her audition, her phone call to her agent, the agent’s response that she won’t get the role because she has no acting experience, her inner turmoil and resistance and her eventual letting go, when she finally surrendered deeply and accepted what is, before the magic phone call she received from director Steven Spielberg informing her that she was selected. Describing her experience, she says, “When you have worked as hard and done as much and striven and tried and given and pleaded and bargained and hoped—surrender. When you have done all that you can do, and there is nothing left for you to do, give it up. Give it up to that thing that is greater than yourself and let it then become a part of the flow.”

Surrender and struggle are really two sides of the same coin

The sentiment behind these words stirred me deeply. I found great resonance with them because I have been through similar situations when, after struggling, striving, praying, wishing and doing everything I could, I would give up. And soon after, whatever I had wanted would miraculously come my way. It’s surreal, this phenomenon.

But this kind of giving up is not the same as resignation—it comes from a deeper place in me. A place of knowing that whatever is happening now is as it should be. That’s when I give up blaming others and I let go of all resistances that were creating resentment, frustration, anger and other negative emotions. I fully accept the situation, without any reservations whatsoever. This acceptance is surrender.

But—and here’s the exquisite paradox—every time I have accepted and surrendered, I have first struggled. In other words, I couldn’t have surrendered before the struggle. There would be no meaning in it. So, surrender and struggle are really two sides of the same coin.

As soon as I let go, life begins to flow

I have come to see struggle as necessary for my growth. I think it builds character and also adds colour to life. I was listening to an Osho talk, in which he explains that without the struggle, it would not have been a great achievement for Edmund Hillary to climb Mount Everest. Hillary’s conquest was worthwhile only because it involved great effort.

Think about it. If you get something easily, do you value it? Value comes from the difficulty that preceded the achievement or acquisition, the greatness comes from the struggle, the toil.

The problem is, I keep forgetting this lesson of life, and the next time I face a challenge, I begin to resist the struggle. Perhaps resisting is also part of the grand design, because unless I resist, I cannot let it go. And as soon as I let go, life begins to flow.

“Suffering is necessary until you realise it is unnecessary,” says Eckhart Tolle. I guess, that’s the purpose of my struggles—to help me understand that I don’t need to struggle. Till this understanding becomes natural to me, I may have to continue to struggle from time to time.

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In this awe-inspiring Super Soul talk, she talks about how trying too hard and focusing too much on what you want can actually be counterproductive. When you want something really bad and it’s not coming to you, what you probably need is less of trying and more of surrender. But how does one surrender? Gabby gives us five exact steps to follow, for spiritual surrender.

More about the speaker

Gabrielle  Bernstein is the #1 New York Times best-selling author of The Universe Has Your Back and has written four additional best sellers. She was featured on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday as a “next-generation thought leader,” and The New York Times named her “a new role model.” She appears regularly as an expert on The Dr. Oz Show and co-hosted the Guinness World Record largest guided meditation with Deepak Chopra.

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The moment you realise that you are a child of God, you will let nothing affect you. All you need to do is forget yourself—and realise your true self as a child of God. When we forget this outer self and transcend the phenomenal, material world, we draw closer to the real, inner self, which is peace.

What is peace?

I may tell you what peace is in many words, but all descriptions will fail to make you understand it until you have felt peace in your heart. Like love, peace must be felt.

Many of us often ask ourselves, “Why is there no peace in our hearts?” God has blessed us abundantly; we live in comfortable homes; we eat good food; we have enough money to spend on necessities as well as a few luxuries. Why, then, does peace elude us?

A few days ago, a woman from Mumbai came to meet me. She belonged to a well-known and well-to-do family. She requested for a private meeting with me; and when I met her, she began to shed tears. She said: “Dada, there is one thing that I can’t come to terms with. I have money aplenty; there are servants to carry out my every bidding; we have several cars and bungalows; my children are very attached to me and pay attention to my every need and comfort. And yet—and yet, I know not why I am so unhappy! I feel so depressed that quite often I shut myself in my room and weep bitterly. I cry out to God in grief and frustration, ‘Lord, why is it thus with me?’ For God has given me everything—except happiness. Why, Dada, why is this so?”

All the comfort is not enough

This is the condition of many of us. We have everything we need—and we are still unhappy. What is the reason of this pervasive unhappiness in the world? Friends, the secret to happiness is peace of mind. He who is blessed with peace of mind is always happy—even if he is penniless and he owns nothing in this world. Saints, great souls and renunciates have nothing to call their own; yet they are radiantly happy. Such was the dervish who said: “Nothing in the morn have I and nothing do I have at night. Yet there is none on earth happier than I!”

Lord Krishna tells Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita: “Arjuna, ashantasya kutah sukham? If man is not at peace with himself, how can he be happy?” The key to happiness indeed, the secret of true happiness is peace of mind. There is one way of achieving peace of mind. That is to attain the realisation that all that happens, happens according to the will of God.

God’s plans are perfect

Gurudev Sadhu Vaswani used to tell us, “God upsets our plans to set up His own. And His plans are always perfect.” If I have the faith that whatever has happened to me is according to the plan of the Highest, that there is some hidden good in it for me, I will not be upset! Gurudev also used to say, “Every disappointment is His appointment. And He knows best.”

Once you realise this, there is no more frustration, no more unhappiness. You abide in a state of tranquillity and peace. You may not be able to achieve this straight away. It is a process through which you must move. There are so many situations and circumstances in life that shatter our peace. But how long can we allow ourselves to wallow in sorrow and self-pity? The call of life is Onward, Forward, Godward! Men may come and men may go, but life goes on forever! Lives may come to an end, but life on earth must go on!

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I am not talking about surrender of the military kind, but a kind of personal surrender in which you simply let go. Such surrender gives rise to an experience of beautiful serenity within, something that most of us have felt at some time or the other, but can’t seem to sustain it permanently.

Surrender Is Not a Bad Word

If surrender brings so much peace, why is it so difficult? And why is it considered as the attribute of the weak?

It’s because of our ‘ego’. This tiny, three-letter word has a significant impact on the quality of our lives. Our ego wants us to be in control of everything in and around us—our relationships, our health, our careers. The ego wants things its way and when that doesn’t happen, it reacts by evoking all kinds of unhealthy emotions. I wouldn’t be off the mark if I say that our ego is at the root of all our miseries. Fear, anxiety, guilt, frustration, greed, jealousy and all other emotions that don’t feel good, are always the result of the ego’s villainous insistence on being in control.

Because of our ego, we give excessive importance to winning. Our ego-driven society offers all the glory to winners, while losers are severely criticized. What’s worse is that those who fail to win actually believe that they’ve made a big blunder by losing. To the ego, a loss is evidence of lack of total control—and the ego hates it. So, many individuals simply don’t attempt anything because they fear losing. In the process, they live ordinary lives filled with little, if any, happiness in it.

Surrender vs Resignation

The only antidote to problems that our ego creates is surrender. Your rogue ego cannot do much when you let go of your need to be right, to win, or to succeed at any cost.

It may seem paradoxical, but when you live constantly in a mindset of surrender, you start functioning more efficiently because you now live minus the constant nagging of your nasty ego to live only to win—or else suffer. This is why surrender is terrifying to the ego, even though your inner being, your soul, finds it liberating.

It is important that you don’t confuse letting go with giving up. When you give up, you resign yourself to fate. It’s a defeatist attitude that comes from hopelessness and despair. Letting go, on the other hand, is about trusting that a deeper wisdom that is available to you, simply because you are alive.

Related » The point of struggle

It’s About Trusting the Greater Intelligence

Surrender implies that you trust the greater life, of which we are all a part. It means you accept the unalterable truth that our journey is made up of ups and downs, and yet we are always taken care of. When you trust the greater intelligence that makes the sun rise and the trees grow — call it God, a higher power, or whatever else — you will suddenly find no need for controlling the people or circumstances in your life. You will live fully, totally in the moment without worrying about being ahead, being right, winning, or succeeding. Paradoxically, such an outlook improves your chances of success and enhances the quality of your life massively.

Last updated on 13^th September 2024

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