One reason why these decision points become a tricky tightrope walk for so many of us is because we tend to feel guilty when we’re not giving to others or meeting their demands. We’ve been told that “it’s better to give than to receive”. But we forget that to keep on giving our best to others, we must also give to ourselves—and see ourselves as worthy of receiving.

Admittedly, when we ignore our own needs, it’s not a pretty picture. Not only do we become grouchy and unhappy but the people around us become miserable too. Instead of nagging, complaining, and blaming others when you feel off-kilter, try these 10 strategies for honoring yourself so you can free up your energy and focus on what’s really important.

10 Powerful Ways to Honor Yourself and Make Yourself a Priority

1. Be honest

You cannot honor yourself unless you are first honest with yourself. Quite often, we do not take the time to care for ourselves because we don’t even realize we are hurting ourselves.

The busyness of the day can drown out our inner voice. Check in with yourself regularly, even if it’s once a day, and ask yourself: What am I feeling now? What are those feelings trying to tell me? If they could talk, what would they say? If you have a hard time identifying your true feelings and needs, buy a journal, take some quiet time, and start writing down the answers to those questions. Writing can be an effective way to bring hidden feelings to the surface.

2. Plug back in

During the natural ebb and flow of our days, we all need relief. When your energy is dipping, it’s time to shift gears from an active to a receptive mode. If you don’t take time to satisfy your own needs, you’ll find that you actually sabotage yourself because you can’t concentrate on the task at hand. The trick is to recognize when you need to recharge before you become physically or emotionally wiped out. Then make time to plug back into your energy source and do what re-energizes you—whether you take a walk in nature, meditate, listen to a favorite piece of music, get a massage, go away for the weekend, play a game, or simply close your eyes, do nothing, and take a few long, deep breaths.

3. Draw healthy boundaries

Learning to draw boundaries is a skill. If you are not used to doing that, it can feel uncomfortable at first. Start by practising on small issues. Turn off your phone when you need to concentrate, rather than being at everyone’s beck and call, ask a family member to make dinner, or tell friends you’re not available when you want to spend an evening alone. As you learn to set boundaries in situations like these, you will find it easier to deal with larger issues that surface.

Related » To prevent burnout, set clear boundaries

4. Ask for support but make your own decisions

When you’re unclear about how to deal with a situation, don’t be shy about asking for support. Seeking help shows that you deeply care about yourself and for those who will be impacted by your choices and that you are willing to do what it takes to make the best decision. Reach out to someone who is not emotionally invested in the issue you are dealing with or who has expertise in that field. Once you get advice and a healthy dose of perspective from someone you respect, turn within and be sure to honor yourself by making your own final decision.

5. Write a love letter to yourself

Have a problem with self-esteem? Don’t worry; many of us do. We hold ourselves to impossible standards and then criticize ourselves when we don’t meet them. Yet the world’s sages, not to mention the top management gurus, tell us that life is a continual learning process. Try this tip to cheer yourself when the going gets rough: Write a loving and encouraging note to yourself as if you were your own coach or cheerleader. Then pop it in an envelope and mail it to yourself [that’s right—by snail mail]. When you’re traveling, send a postcard with an inspiring message to your home address. Right before shutting down your email for the night, send yourself a message of appreciation so that you’ll see it first thing in the morning when you check your inbox. Develop the habit of voting for yourself no matter what is happening around you. These little things you do are powerful ways to honor yourself.

Related » The most difficult love letter I ever wrote

6. Hang out with people who celebrate you

If you are in a relationship with someone who constantly judges and belittles you, you have a duty to remove yourself from that toxic energy by saying goodbye for good. Allowing yourself to be pressured or pummeled by those who don’t appreciate your inner gifts will only eat away at your energy and enthusiasm, stunt your creativity, and make you feel depressed or even sick. It’s not your job to fit into someone else’s mold of who they think you should be. Your job is to be you.

Related » Feeling stuck in life? Check the company you keep

7. Speak up

Most people aren’t mind readers. Clearly communicate your needs by letting others know what you need. When you disagree with a friend about what to do on a holiday, don’t be the one who always gives in and then wastes time stewing about it for days. Make sure both of your needs are met. If the food you order at a restaurant is cold or overcooked, flag down the waiter and respectfully point out the problem rather than complaining about it later. When someone at work spreads dangerous rumors or lies that jeopardize your job, don’t retreat and complain to friends behind closed doors or torture yourself with worry. Take action. Don’t blame or shame others by calling them names or criticizing them, but calmly focus on the words they said. There may be a real misunderstanding that you now have the opportunity to clear up. Address any misconceptions with facts to support your case. Even if others don’t accept the truth, you have stood up for yourself and can feel free to move on.

8. Create spaces in your relationships

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you need to give up being yourself. No two people have all the same interests, and it’s not healthy to expect that to be the case. In fact, you may get irritated with those you love simply because you need some regular time apart, some breathing space. Do you encourage yourself and your partner to pursue your own individual interests? Take some dedicated time for your own self-development, hobbies, or spiritual growth and allow your partner to do the same. This way you will honor yourself and your partner. What’s great about this that you’ll end up having more to offer each other as a result.

9. Put yourself at the top of your to-do list

Don’t wait until you’ve checked off all the items on your daily to-do list before giving yourself what you need—physically, emotionally and spiritually. Be sure to schedule dedicated time on your calendar for yourself so that you aren’t the item that gets constantly bumped off the list for yet another day. Recharging your batteries is not optional. It’s a bona fide part of your schedule. It’s exactly what you need to stay healthy and in balance so you can give your best to your loved ones and the world.

10. Share your life wisdom

Each one of us has a particular wisdom we have garnered through our life experiences. Be sure to draw from your well of wisdom to help others. Don’t know where to start? Think about a challenging experience that taught you something valuable, or an insight from a book, or a talk that sparked an “aha!” moment for you. At the right time, share that insight with someone you think would benefit from the lessons you’ve learned, whether it’s a colleague, a stranger you’ve struck up a conversation with, or a member of a community group you belong to. You honor yourself when you value the gifts and lessons you have been given and then offer that precious wisdom from your heart to uplift the hearts of others.

Start to Honor Yourself Today

Starting today, you can honor yourself by taking small but meaningful steps. Begin with one or two of these actions:

1. Pause and check in – Take a few minutes to sit quietly and ask yourself how you’re really feeling. Acknowledge your needs without judgment.
2. Set a boundary – Choose one area where you feel overextended and practice saying “no” or delegating a task to someone else.
3. Schedule self-care – Block out 15-30 minutes on your calendar today to do something that recharges you, like taking a walk, meditating, or reading a book.
4. Affirm yourself – Write a quick note of encouragement or appreciation to yourself. Remind yourself that you’re worthy of receiving care and attention too.

By taking these small steps, you’ll start building a habit of honoring yourself, making self-care a natural part of your life.

Summing up

Honoring yourself is not a luxury; it’s a necessity for living a balanced and fulfilling life. When you honor yourself, you make yourself a priority; you give yourself the space to grow, recharge, and thrive. By setting healthy boundaries, being honest about your needs, and surrounding yourself with supportive people, you’re not just nurturing your own well-being—you’re also equipping yourself to show up fully for others. Ultimately, when you begin to honor yourself, you also begin to live with more purpose, energy, and joy. Remember, self-care isn’t selfish—it’s the foundation for everything else.

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Why we apologise when it’s not necessary

However, we tend to feel the need to apologise for things that sometimes don’t require an apology. We do this to make peace with our own conscience, to appease our own sense of guilt or to make sure that we don’t upset the other person in the quest to seek their approval. After all, most people just want others to like them.

Being aware of the way we interact with others when we think we have made a “mistake” can shape our own sense of empowerment. People with a low sense of self-esteem and people-pleasing tendencies are often the quickest to jump to an apology, but this is almost as if we are dishonouring ourselves and not feeling as important as the people in the world around us.

But what if you could approach life without feeling like you’re inconveniencing others? Would it unveil a newfound sense of freedom, confidence and self-worth? Perhaps even empowerment?

When not to apologise

Below are a few active examples of circumstances that don’t merit an apology.

If you try these out the next time you feel the need to say sorry or feel like you’re not worthy enough, see what happens and how you feel internally. Over time it will make you feel more entitled to live life on your own terms, instead of apologising for taking care of your own needs.

1. Never apologise for doing things for yourself

One thing you should never apologise for is taking time out to put yourself first. Self-care is the key to living a long and strong life. When you take time to nurture yourself, you are better able to care for others. Apologising for doing things that make you happier, healthier or wealthier is useless. For example, when I became a mother, I was just 21. I used to experience guilt when taking time for myself, whether it was going shopping alone or going to the gym. I felt like every moment of my life, I needed to put my child first. And now that I’m 35 and have just had my third child, I now know that if I don’t put myself first then I can’t be the best mother I can be for my children.

The affirmation: I’m not sorry for taking time for myself. I freely allow the space in my life to nurture my true essence in body, in mind and in spirit.

2. Never say sorry for saying, “No”

The thing to remember is that it’s totally acceptable to say no to people and not to apologise. By saying no to an invitation and not saying sorry for declining, you are setting up healthy boundaries and being honest about what you’re able to assist with and what you can’t. It’s far better to cultivate honest relationships with people than apologising to someone for not wanting to do something that will drain your energy. For example, saying no to family members can be a tough task. I’ve had to set some boundaries with my family in terms of asking them not to feed my children too many sugary treats. The key is to soften your tone when you say no to others so that you don’t come across as defensive or aggressive. Learning to be gentle when you draw boundaries with others is an incredible asset you can learn to master.

The affirmation: I’m never sorry for saying “No” and setting important boundaries. My heart is open and my tone is soft in order to communicate my wishes so that they land in a safe space.

3. Never apologise for what you believe in

You are allowed to have an opinion different from someone else. You never need to say sorry for the beliefs you hold dear to your heart. When you apologise for what you believe in or say sorry for holding a different viewpoint on a particular topic, you are being disrespectful to the core essence of who you are as a human being. For example, I am a big believer in manifesting and the law of attraction. But there are certain people out there that judge me for being too fanciful. I never say sorry for what I believe in; how passionate I feel about what I teach; or how I choose to share what I learn. Because the key factor is that we are constantly learning, growing and evolving as human beings. Our beliefs can change and transform as we grow.

The affirmation: I’m not sorry for what I believe in. My soul knows the truth.

In conclusion, the next time you feel it necessary to apologise, please take a moment to honour yourself first. Make sure you’re saying sorry for the right reasons and not just creating the space for other people to feel comfortable so that you can stay small. You are a magnificent being that deserves to live fully, vibrantly and without excuses.

The post When not to apologise appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Sadness, anger, and fear are normal human emotions. They are natural reactions when we experience hurt and losses [sadness], injustice and violations [anger], and threats to our survival [fear].

The problem begins when we don’t express our emotions in a healthy way. To compensate this, our minds go in predictable directions. With sadness, we feel poorly about ourselves; with anger, we don’t accept other people and things as they are; and with fear, we catapult out of the present and into the past, future, or use global generalities.

Allowing our minds to entertain these ‘bad attitudes’ only perpetuates sadness, anger and fear.

This is what has happened to people that I affectionately call ‘chronic criers.’ They’ve reached a stage in their life where they don’t honour and respect themselves. They ceased to love themselves. People who repeatedly cry for long periods of time have experienced so much hurt and loss, but they haven’t processed their sadness constructively. Every time something happens in the present, their past experiences are triggered and they feel the hurt and losses anew. But because they keep thinking negative things about themselves while crying, the sadness becomes a bottomless pit.

The pros and cons of crying

The good news is that chronic criers cry and tears wash them clean. They’re allowing the physical energy out of their bodies.

But the bad news is that while crying they keep telling themselves negative things about themselves, such as “I’m such a loser. I’m little and can’t do anything about what happened. I’m unlovable. There must be something wrong with me.” Because they think these kinds of thoughts, they never move through their sadness and experience the joy that’s waiting, just out of reach.

We must understand that emotions—sadness, anger, and fear—are nothing more than pure physical sensations in the body. Just think about the word ‘emotion.’ It is really E + motion, energy in motion. If a chronic crier allows himself to release that energy from his body in a pure way, he’ll stop crying so much and set the stage to return to a joyous self.

Crocodile tears are good

When young children cry, they’re not trashing themselves. There are no words. They’re expressing their emotions cleanly. Whether it is when they skin their knee, or when they don’t want to go to bed on being told to, or when they have just broken their toy. What do they do? They sob. They bawl. And afterwards? They get over it and return to their present, happy, curious, loving selves. We need to follow their lead.

When people become chronic criers it’s because they entertain the following four kinds of predictable thoughts about themselves every time they cry and in between.

1. They are unworthy
2. They need other people to approve of them
3. They make negative self-judgements
4. They think of themselves as small, hopeless, and helpless.

To change the pattern, you’ve got to start crying cleanly. That means wail and weep as though crocodile tears are flowing. But do not think badly about yourself or think thoughts that make you feel more pathetic and depressed. While crying, you must doggedly interrupt those negative thoughts or state something like “It’s okay that I feel sad; It’s okay to cry. I’m fine.”

Say this to yourself when you cry

Most chronic criers have low self-esteem because over and over they’ve thought badly about themselves. It’s crucial that you write down exactly what you’re telling yourself while crying and then find some opposing truths to substitute, both while you are crying and in between.

Below is a list of ‘Reliable Truths’ that counter a good proportion of your negative self-talk about yourself. Pick a couple that resonate with you and repeat them over and over—while crying, or even any other time. I tell my clients that 100,000 reps will do the job because that will counter the countless times you’ve told yourself the opposite.

Reliable Truths to honour yourself and move from sadness to joy:

• I am whole and complete.
• What I’m seeking is within me.
• My job is to take care of myself.
• I am alone, and I am connected.
• I love myself regardless of what I do.
• Life is for learning. We all make mistakes.
• I’m doing the best I can. I did the best I could.
• If I knew then what I know now, I would have done it differently.
• My viewpoints and needs are as valid as anyone’s.
• I am responsible for what I think, feel, and do.
• I can do this.

If you have a powerful substitute or two on the ready, and you diligently practise the method, you’ll continue to cry when you feel sad but the tears will pass. If you still cry more than you like, either accept that as a reality and cry proudly, keeping your negative thoughts on the shelf, or seek a trained professional to work on some of the issues that are keeping you in tears.

And if you happen to be around a chronic crier, what they really need is appreciation to help offset all those crummy messages they have been telling themselves. So be lavish and genuine in your praise. Keep reminding them of what they have forgotten—that they are wonderful human beings.

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Respect is a funny concept. All around us, we see people demanding as well as giving respect for all the wrong reasons:

— In your family, you are expected to respect your elders whether or not they deserve it; in many cultures, you need to respect your husband just because he is a man and you’re his wife, even if he always treats you poorly and doesn’t respect you at all.

— At school/college, you are expected to respect your teachers, doesn’t matter if they can’t teach their subject well.

— At work, you are required to respect your seniors, regardless of how competent they are.

Then there are people who demand respect because they are rich, powerful, famous, strong, attractive, talented, work in law enforcement or just because they belong to a certain race, religion, caste etc.

Why do people demand respect?

I often wonder why people demand respect. Shouldn’t respect be earned? If someone respects us only because we are in a position to demand it, isn’t such respect fake? If you ask me, I would like to be respected only for my abilities and qualities, not because my position demands it.

What perturbs me is that so many people are comfortable with fake respect. For example, I see so many subordinates who show respect to their superiors, whether or not they feel it inside. Usually they do so because they want to be politically correct. After all, they can’t afford to upset their boss!

Showing versus feeling respect

Showing respect is different from feeling respect. The former is a conceited attempt, used, or perhaps misused, for political or selfish gains. The latter is a naturally occurring phenomenon, inspired by legitimate appreciation of the other’s talent, quality or attitude.

Genuine respect is felt inside. It is earned by living a life that inspires and motivates. It is objective and unbiased. But, it is not demanded. Yet, we find our elders, seniors, and superiors insisting that we respect them?

The truth is that respect has nothing to do with age and seniority. In fact, it is possible that we may respect many people who are younger than us, have lesser experience, or are lower in social status.

“I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.”
— Albert Einstein

I respect many of my subordinates, not because they demand—they can’t!—but, because they command it through their work, their behaviour, and their attitude. On the other hand, I don’t feel respect for many who are in positions of authority—because I find that they assert themselves needlessly, frequently to display their “power” and feel in control.

Respect and authority

Sometimes, people curb their expression of respect, again for the wrong reasons. Bosses don’t “show” their respect to their subordinates, fathers to their sons, teachers to their students, and husbands to their wives, because they feel that doing so would lessen their authority. But respect feeds on respect. When we show genuine respect, the other respects us for our honesty and confidence.

Yes, showing genuine respect to others implies that we are confident of ourselves to feel secure and therefore we can let the others know that we respect them. This brings us to self-respect.

Why self-respect is vital

“Respect yourself and others will respect you.”
— Confucius

Commanding our own respect is most important. Self-respect is a necessary condition to give and receive respect. We can’t give to others what we don’t have for ourselves. And we can’t expect others to respect us if we don’t respect ourselves. So don’t forget to honour yourself; count your strengths and learn to respect yourself.

Updated on 31^st January 2021

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