How spectacular life would be if all our interactions were this special, this exhilarating, this simple and nice? Sadly, this isn’t so. For all the wonderful memories and great relationships we have, we also have sour and bitter ones. The team-mate who always took credit for our ideas, the worker who exasperated us with his cheekiness, the domineering CEO, our very own rebellious teenager who has us at our wits end, with his retorts. Challenging relationships make life hard, robbing us of our peace, making us feel livid and enraged, victimised and helpless. Difficult relationships and tough people often come into our lives, and we can’t escape them. We have screaming matches, we have cold wars, and we have a feeling of emptiness, frustration within ourselves.

Is it really difficult?

As time goes by and tough interactions keep coming our way, we wonder, will life always be an ‘us versus them’ fight? Will emotions always be tossed back and forth, and leave us exasperated? Apart from giving in or fighting back, is there a way out of this? We want solutions, answers, and meaning, anything at all.

And slowly a message emerges. We read a book; we find an old wise friend, or a life-mentor, who guides us through. The truth is almost startling and unbelievable at first, yet a truth it is. The wise say gently, whispering into our saddened hearts and souls, ‘challenging relationships are a gift, they bear for you a message, and they have a meaning and purpose.’ In absolute surprise we wonder, ‘How can that resentful, complaining person we know, have any gift for us, how can there be any good in this hardship?

When talking about difficult relationships, mind-body wellness consultant, Haripriya Naresh, says ‘ I wouldn’t use the word ‘difficult’, as it is a word of judgement. Let’s call them ‘challenging’ relationships, something that doesn’t go our way. A challenging relationship is there for a reason and purpose with some learning in it. So when we look at it this way, the way we perceive it changes.’  We don’t go on playing jarring music with a bad key. Tough interactions are telling us the same thing. Don’t go on playing the harsh note, rather tune the chord. Piano’s are beautiful instruments, just as relationships can be wonderful and nice. If something is jarring, there is a message, tune it in.

Diamonds are made under pressure

Just like thorns have a purpose of protecting the beautiful rose, and bees create sweet honey, our tough relationships serve a purpose too. Maybe they are like the land that needs be toiled upon for lush green crops to appear.  We often tell our teams, our children, our loved ones, not to bow down to difficulty, be it at the new project, merger, product launch or examination. Challenges we know give rise to great thinking, to strength within, to new innovations. So when we have the wisdom to know that there is some goodness in life’s challenges, why write off tough relationships and go on struggling in them?

Haripriya adds, “Challenging relationships are really there for our best. They help our true potential to emerge. It takes us out of our comfort zone in an unexpected challenging way. It brings out a potential or ability we have. It is an opportunity for creativity, and out of  the box thinking.”  So then, can we look at our challenging relationships, with creativity?

[contd.]

The post Tough times in relationships appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

The gratitude grid

Gratitude has infinite power. In common practice, we understand gratitude to mean acknowledgement of another’s favour or kind gesture to us. Gratitude is also a spiritual practice. It is a means to boost positivism, a malady to trouble, an antidote to illness and a way to attract abundance and joy. As Roman philosopher Cicero stated, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others”.

Gratitude signifies thankfulness for what is, making one appreciate the moment and become receptive to the beauty of life. It is the recognition of the kindness in others and the gifts of the Universe. It is movement from negativity into light and love. Gratitude has benefits that can change our lives totally and dramatically with incredible results of laughter, contentment and good health.

Lasting happiness

Gratitude is an expression of joy. “Gratitude creates happiness because it makes us feel full, complete; it is the realisation that we have everything we need, at least in this moment,” says author Mary J Ryan in her book Attitudes of gratitude: How to Give and Receive Joy Everyday of Your Life. It is to cultivate this feeling of lasting happiness that the adage ‘count your blessings’ was created.

We can do this by mentally acknowledging all that we’re grateful for or by writing a gratitude journal as Sarah Ban Breathnach, author of Simple Abundance propagates. In a gratitude journal, list five or more things you are grateful for every day. This is a powerful and transformative exercise that does create joy and smiles.

For a more lasting happiness, a more lasting sense of gratitude is needed. So, we should go beyond being thankful for gifts of the material kind and also be grateful for the gift of life, for the beauty of breath, for the wonders of nature, for the loving care and support of family and friends.

Rising optimism and energy

Gratitude is a state of joy and empowering energy; the heart is happy and the soul is soaring with optimism.

Professor Robert Emmons of University of California writes of the scientific evidence of the power of gratitude in the book Measuring the Immeasurable: The Scientific Case for Spirituality. He states, “Persons who were randomly assigned to keep gratitude journals on a weekly basis exercised more, reported fewer physical symptoms, felt better about their lives as a whole and were more optimistic about their upcoming week compared to those who recorded hassles or neutral life events.” Young adults reported higher levels of positive states of alertness, determination and enthusiasm, compared to a focus on hassles or a downward social comparison.

Entering into the state of appreciation does seem like a fun and beneficial activity that creates positivity and energy. Now, who wouldn’t want that?

Solution appear

Appreciation creates joy, yet how does it solve problems, issues and difficulty? When in trouble, we can choose to move away from complaining and grumbling. Focus on what is right in the moment and not all that has gone wrong. “There’s always something to be grateful for. Always. It’s a matter for choosing to see it,” says Joe Vitale of The Secret fame. Be grateful for the job and take your focus off that difficult colleague or your demanding boss. Be grateful for a healthy body and take your mind off the knee that is actually only slightly hurting.

To take this thought further, sages and wise men ask us to be “grateful even for what has gone wrong”. It does sound incredulous, but there is something wonderful in this idea. Difficulty is meant to teach us something; be it patience, kindness, organisation or clarity. Hence, by being thankful for the difficult situation, we turn our attitudes into one of openness and begin to seek real solutions. The spirit of thankfulness then changes pessimism into optimism. “Of the most incredible truths about gratification is that it is impossible to feel both positive emotion of thankfulness and a negative emotion such as anger or fear at the same time,” says M J Ryan in her book Attitudes of Gratitude. She adds, “As we focus on what we are thankful for, fear, anger and bitterness simply melt away, seemingly without effort.”

She explains that by noticing what is right in our lives, the brain naturally works to track success. The spirit of gratefulness then takes us from fear, nervousness to joy and success.

A happy and healthy heart

Gratitude makes the heart soar, literally! Thankfulness, and appreciation makes one instantly enter the state of joy and happiness. Interestingly, this is true not just of the emotional heart, but also the physical one. Scientific research supports this.

At the HeartMath Institute in California, subjects were made to focus on their physical heart and feel appreciation for someone. Researchers found that the heart patterns of those who did this exercise of appreciation were different from those that were made to feel anger as well as relaxation. Robert A Emmons, Professor of psychology at the University of California, who conducted similar experiments explains, “Appreciation increases parasympathetic activity and also produces entrainment or coherence across various autonomic measures [heart rate, variability, and pulse transit time and respiration rate], a pattern that is associated with improved cardiovascular health.”

Loved by all

Everyone loves a happy person. When the spirit of appreciation and gratitude is deeply entrenched in us, we begin to see the wonder and beauty of life and become positive, happy souls. Complaints, grumbling, hassles, irritations, anxiety are forgone easily. Grateful people don’t tend to indulge in their sadness but move back into positivity very quickly. Automatically they tend to emanate this positivity and everyone around is attracted to this innate quality of joy that they seem to radiate. “Grateful people are rated by others as more helpful, more outgoing, more optimistic and more trustworthy,” explains Professor Emmons.

A simple shift

The simple attitude of gratitude, the spirit of appreciation, the kindness of gratefulness does seem to have manifold benefits. Almost seeming like a remedy for all trouble, and a measure to create happiness, health and optimism.  All that we need to do then is change our perspective to see the loveliness of life around us and be deeply thankful for everything. Once this internal shift is made, the external world will begin to seem like an incredible place full of joy and wonder. It begins with being happy with the present moment and leads to a lasting state of joy.

As Lao Tzu says,

“Be content with what you have,
Rejoice in the way things are,
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
The whole world belongs to you”.

The beauty of graciousness will attract the beauty of life. An eternal state of gratitude will lead to a wonderful, happy you.

The post Discover the infinite power of gratitude appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Dr Wayne Dyer rose—from being an orphan shuttling between foster homes to becoming a best-selling writer. Louise Hay left behind her home and a difficult childhood to become a successful model, writer and the owner of a flourishing publishing house.

Henry Ford barely studied past the 6^th grade, yet founded an automobile giant. Many have risen from nothing to rule the world with their contributions and have earned great prosperity along the way. Overcoming scarcity is indeed possible, though it seems hard and nerve- wrecking for many.

Can scarcity change into joyous abundance? How does one ever convert little into more? Can wealth and prosperity ever result from difficulty and shortage? “Yes, it is possible,” say sages, gurus, and the prosperous. The answers lie within us.

10 steps to abundance

Let’s look at the 10 steps to abundance, based on the life and teachings of some of the most revered and successful individuals.

1. Feel good, love yourself

“To me, true prosperity begins with feeling good about yourself,” writes Louise Hay in her book, You Can Heal Your Life. “It is never the amount of money; it is a state of mind,” she adds. “True wealth is an emotion,” writes best-selling author and trainer Anthony Robbins in his book, Awaken the Giant Within. “It’s a sense of absolute abundance.” The abundance that is the sum of life, the luxurious excess of Nature, its landscapers, oceans and hills. It is the immeasurable wealth of joy that babies’ giggles bring and the timeless richness one feels in elders’ wisdom.

2. Be carefree, don’t worry about money

“To have true wealth or affluence is to be totally carefree about everything in life, including money”, writes Deepak Chopra in Creating Affluence. He adds, “Affluence or wealth means that one is easily able to fulfil one’s desires, whatever they may be, whether they apply to the material realm, or to our emotional, psychological or spiritual needs, or to the realms of the relationship. A truly wealthy person’s attention is never focussed on money alone.”

Abundance is the quest for a happy, fulfilling life, whereas money is only a means; a means that has become a measure of our ego. Abundance isn’t about money nor is it the never-ending pursuit for more. It is enjoying life, being happy with what is, and seeking joy through the pursuit of our goals.

3. Focus on the positive

As a poor orphan, Dr Dyer never saw the scarcity around him, but basked in the joy of abundance that he felt deep inside.

“It’s all about having an inner picture of abundance, thinking in unlimited ways, then being in a state of ecstatic gratitude and awe for how this whole thing works,” he writes in The Power of Intention.

As a child, he never saw difficulties, only opportunities. To others a snowstorm was a curse, to him it was a blessing—a means to shovel snow and earn more. He always believed in the abundance of the Universe and focused on the positive and thus attracted abundance into his life. “The universal Spirit has always worked with me in bringing my thoughts of unlimited abundance into my life.

The right people would magically appear. The right break would come along. The help I needed would seemingly manifest out of nowhere,” states Dr Dyer.

4. Think abundance

Louise Hay believes one must uncover limiting beliefs, and change them. Observe what thoughts arise when you think of money and prosperity. What past incident or which person’s opinion made you think these thoughts. Let it go. Choose better thoughts and instil them in your mind. We can believe that ‘the world is full of abundance for everyone’ or ‘I am worthy of prosperity and it easily flows into my life’. Thoughts lead to action and it helps to fill the mind with positive thoughts.

5. Take your mind off scarcity

Abundance and joy lie in our minds. Focusing on the good, helps us create the great. Paying attention to our troubles and deficiency only creates greater misery. We waste our time and energy in worrying rather than focusing on dreams, solutions and happiness. Our thoughts of scarcity ensure that we subconsciously begin to believe and act accordingly. “Our own belief in lack and limitation is the only thing that is limiting us. What belief is limiting you?” asks Louise Hay in her book, You Can Heal Your Life.

6. Realise that you are responsible

“To hear, ‘your poverty is only a belief in your consciousness’ only made me angry. It took me many years to realise and accept that I was the only person responsible for my lack of prosperity. It was my belief that I was ‘unworthy’ and ‘not deserving’, that ‘money is difficult to come by’, and that ‘I do not have talents and abilities’ that kept me stuck in the mental system of ‘not having’,” writes Louise Hay in You can Heal your Life.

7. Express gratitude

“Every time I see a coin on the street, I stop pick it up, put it into my pocket, and say out loud, “thank you, God, for this symbol of abundance that keeps flowing into my life”. Never once have I asked, “why only a penny, God? You know I need a lot more than that”, writes Dr Dyer.

8. Give, you will receive

“The day of the ‘go-getter’ has passed. He has been supplanted by the ‘go-giver’, writes Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich. He says, “It is one thing to WANT money—everyone wants more—but it is something entirely different to be WORTH MORE”. As Anthony Robbins states, “devise a way to consistently add real value to people’s lives and you will prosper”. It is really a simple technique of being more valuable. Giving our best performance consistently at work, devising ideas that improve the quality of people’s lives and excelling at your skills are ways of truly being of value to others. Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Wayne Dyer, and Thomas Edison contributed to the wellbeing of others—be it material or spiritual—and hence received greatness and prosperity in return. In small ways or big, give to others and see the abundance flow right back at you.

9. Continue to dream, don’t quit

Napoleon Hill was commissioned by American industrialist Andrew Carnegie to study wealthy people and derive a common method of operation and thinking. His book Think and Grow Rich is the culmination of the 25 years of studying 25,000 cases. “A burning desire to be, and to do. Edwin C Barnes wanted to be a partner with great inventor Edison, but Edwin was a tramp with no money even for a train journey. However, he hopped onto a freight train, met Edison, and got himself a menial job with the inventor. As luck turned out for him, Edison’s salesmen refused to sell Edison’s Dictating Machine, and Edwin promptly got himself a contract. A tramp became Edison’s partner, all because he believed he could. Those who achieve do so by never giving up. Practical dreamers do not quit!” writes Hill.

10. Have a goal, believe in it

Henry Ford with sixth grade schooling founded a ‘mastermind group’, people whose ideas and skills he used to create cars. Edison with three months of schooling did not have general education but got himself specialised knowledge. People like him did not see failure, rather saw only limitations to overcome and fervently went about believing and achieving. It wasn’t about prosperity. It was about having a goal they believed in, and striving to see it translated to reality.

Abundance begins with enjoying what you already have, basking in the joy of simple things, releasing negative thoughts, being a ‘go-giver’, and ceaselessly following your dreams and goals. Prosperity and success tend to automatically result.

Indeed, the world is a joyous, prosperous place that doesn’t know scarcity or difficulty. Lao Tzu says, “When you realise there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you”.

The post 10 steps to abundance appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.