The eyes

Looking at Steve Jobs pictures when passed away, I remember being struck by how alive he seemed in his photographs. The photo showed him proudly posing with the products he had helped innovate. I felt as if he could ‘see’ me. He could connect with the person who was looking at him, and somehow, some part of me wanted to buy that product. That is the attraction of a fully engaged and alive leader.

When we see a person for the first time, it’s the eyes that we focus on. And a good leader’s eyes are always alive with recognition and alertness—that’s what the team wants to see. It is a symbol of a leader’s motivation and engagement. There is nothing more alluring and captivating for a team member than an alert gaze and an energised expression in their leader’s eyes.

No one wants to talk to a bored leader, who looks up at them hazily every time they walk in.

The gait

Often, during the last few overs of a cricket match we can guess which way the match might turn by watching the body language of the team captain. If he looks defeated, there is every chance the players on the ground have already lost the match in their minds. Victory and defeat begin in the mind and travel into our actions and appearance, before they become irreversible results.

The way a leader carries himself says a lot about what is going on in his mind. A stressed out, beleaguered, and tired team leader walks with his head down, shoulders drooping, a slouch that is hard to miss, and a lethargic gait. Now visualise the opposite. This time the leader walks with his head looking ahead, straight and confident shoulders, and a purposeful and a strong gait. Such a gait inspires confidence and a feeling of ‘we are on the right path’.

The face

What is it that puts us off about a clerk at the government office? Without a doubt, it’s the look of indifference.

Every morning, team members look at their leader and unwittingly indulge in a dipstick survey of his mood, thoughts, and engagement on that day. Yes, it is tough to be gauged this way, but leading a team is never a cake walk.

The face is the seat of emotional expression and while a smile and a genuine nod of good morning can brighten someone’s dreariest day, a look of disinterest is dangerously contagious.

The hands

It’s impressive to see how news casters report everything from the most earth shattering events to the happiest of occurrences, without once bringing their hands into play. They learn to use their facial expressions instead, and control their gestures. Although we don’t need to be so restricted about it, we too can easily express ourselves well without gesturing much.

As much as open palms and exposed wrists convey honesty and openness, hands flying in front of the face convey over-excitement and a lack of self-restraint. Our overt and dramatic gestures might invite more amusement than genuine attention. As team leaders, it makes sense for us to keep the team’s attention on the face when communicating important messages than distracting them with our hands.

Keeping the hands at chest level is the best place for gestures. When making a suggestion, discussing an assignment or resolving a problem, it helps convey honesty when the hands are above the table, open and exposed for all to see. This subtle message encourages the team to speak comfortably.

The handshake

Have you noticed the way national heads shake hands when they sign a treaty? They clasp each other’s hands and cover them with the other hand, to make a classic glove handshake that is pumped enthusiastically more than three times. Although, clasping a team member’s hands likewise isn’t advisable, it inspires confidence if the handshake is genuine, warm, and firm. It conveys a leader’s robustness and willingness to share and cooperate.

The space

Team members also perceive non-verbal messages through the space leaders maintain with them, as well as the spatial arrangement of the leader’s office. Always being stuck behind a big imposing table signals distance and disparity. Being in an open space, on the other hand, is a great way to take away the feeling of being in a dominant position while communicating and seeking ideas.

Remember, good leadership is not always about the decisions you take but also about the way you carry yourself.

This was first published in the July 2012 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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In spite of this being a tempting option, a lot of people don’t think huge because they don’t know what kind of attitude and actions lead to such thinking. And learning to think in this way is important because wishing and thinking are two different activities. Dreaming about a huge goal can get us excited, but not necessarily get us moving in that direction. Purposeful thinking, on the other hand, can result in significant progress in our life. Here are five effective ways to ‘Think Large’ and act on that thinking.

1. Maintain your perspective

At this level, it’s no longer about whether you see the glass half full or empty. It’s about filling the glass to the brim or, aiming to make the glass into a pitcher. But this isn’t possible if you keep looking at the limitations. Thinking from big to bigger too is a matter of perspective—it’s in your mind. Your mind labels the goal as large or too large. Strip the goal off its largeness and learn to look at it for what it is—just a goal.

Thinking large means to strategically think beyond your ‘perceived’ limitations. That is when you’ll discover a breakthrough to greater success. Don’t compare your current situation to your goal if what you keep seeing is the gap. Know that it’s a matter of freeing your mind of the confines of your thought. Once you do, you’ll find it easier to glide to a much brighter future.

Dreaming about a huge goal can get us excited, but not necessarily get us moving in that direction

2. Unlock your potential

Knowing that we are talented is one thing, knowing how to act on that knowledge is quite another. The former creates wishful thinking and the latter propels planned action. Often, our potential remains dormant because we allow our insecurities to get in the way. Our potential is like a treasure locked inside us. It needs the right key to turn the lock and let out our strengths in full measure. We all have the potential to achieve anything we set our sights on—no matter how big the goal. Self-awareness and determination are the keys to unlocking our potential and driving our success. When we utilise our potential, it gives a big boost to thinking beyond big and taking action on that thinking.

If you truly want to become the CEO or own a business or start an NGO, then all your energy and focus must be on doing something new and different, going beyond the tried- and-tested and achieving more than anyone expects from you. This attitude helps to play to your biggest strengths and use your potential. Many people say to me, they have a book inside their heads waiting to come out. That book will continue to wait unless they understand that ‘they’, and not their mind, is causing the delay. Their mind is ready to unlock its potential, if only they turned the key. This release of our innate talents creates courageous thinking.

3. Cultivate creative thinking

If you want to think large, think creative. A fixed mindset is not the best place for giving birth to new ideas, exciting opportunities, or big goals. Most of us might have faced a situation that seemed impossible to resolve—a problem that seemed too big to get over. And, yet, if someone forces us to look more keenly and creatively at the situation, we manage to come up with a way out, don’t we? When we have the support of like-minded people, we become more resourceful. Creativity can be cultivated while being alone as well. A tough or chronic challenge can be sorted out if we examine it from different points of view.

I find writing down my goals and listing several ways to reach them a great way to address my personal challenges. I can then show my list to my spouse or a friend and ask for advice. The advantage of writing is that it forces me to think of many possibilities to reach a goal as opposed to just one or two ways. The next time you think your situation is impossible to solve, get creative. Talk to people you trust, write down solutions, read a helpful book, ask for advice from those wiser than you—and surprise yourself with many ideas pouring in. Thinking XXXL requires creativity and resourcefulness.

A fixed mindset is not the best place for giving birth to new ideas, exciting opportunities, or big goals

4. Make fear your friend

Super-sized thinking requires thinking with courage. Just as good friends help us overcome our doubts and moments of weakness, fear helps us see what is blocking our path. Fear can encourage us to be more prepared, more alert, and try harder to unleash the full power of an idea or a new strategy. Every time we overcome a fear, we take a quantum leap towards greater maturity and confidence. Begin with overcoming small fears that most of us have.

My biggest fear was drowning, and deep water really scared me. One day, I decided to take the plunge—literally—and overcame my fear of being in water with the help of an expert swimmer. Research says that people are more afraid of public speaking than they are of dying. To help you overcome the fear of public speaking, you can take up a small opportunity to make a 15-minute presentation to a group of known people. The sense of achievement and pride when you overcome a fear creates freedom in your thinking and leads to more courageous actions.

5. See failure as mistakes

All of us fail—it’s important to keep this in mind. The moment we make failure a piece of misfortune that happened only to us, we respond with strong negative emotions. The way we deal with failure affects how we see our current situation and our future. We think small when we are scared and play safe rather than play to our potential. Failure is better thought of as a mistake, which is the truth anyway. And you know that anyone can make mistakes. Don’t worry that the stakes are high or, you’ll never be able to cut failure to size. Think of it this way: we fail because we don’t do certain things right, or the situation is not ideal, or we didn’t prepare enough. Either way, there is something that we can do better, going forward. Failure is not as much a reflection on our intelligence or ability as our preparation and methods. And it can actually be good for you. This kind of thinking cultivates hope instead of disappointment and doubt. It helps us broaden our thinking and embrace new possibilities. Thinking large is an activity of courage and future-orientation.

Remember, thinking large is a choice, and like all worthwhile pursuits in life, it takes practice, willingness, and patience to make it our second nature.

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1. Extraordinary is an action

You might disagree with me on grammar and say that extraordinary is an adjective [quality] and not a verb. Well, you are right, and that is where the secret lies. How do you think a human quality comes to life? Extraordinary people don’t materialise out of thin air, do they? They appear in reality by ‘doing’ things that help them acquire the quality of being extraordinary.

A while back, I heard from someone who was in an extremely stressful situation, and didn’t know the way out. I tried to help by giving suggestions, but she kept dismissing my ideas for some reason or the other. I then realised that the person did not want to be helped, she wanted to complain and act victim. Helplessness is a habit. And extraordinary people don’t have it. In fact, they do the exact opposite—they complain rarely and focus on solving problems. They make sure that happiness is their prime goal. Extraordinary people ‘do things’ to make their life more valuable and different than the rest. It is about acting in ways that are uncommon or unexpected, and going out there and doing something way beyond your perceived limitations. Action definitely leads to being extraordinary.

Helplessness is a habit that extraordinary people don’t have

2. Extraordinary is an attitude

Being extraordinary is not genetic or in-born. It is a collection of powerful thoughts. When you tell yourself over and over that you are a capable individual who is on her way to achieving great things in life—a spark ignites in your mind. It lights up a fire that drives your attitude. Fortunately, our attitude is entirely in our control, irrespective of the good and bad that happens to us.

Everyone on this planet has his/her share of ups and downs, misfortunes and bursts of good luck, and yet, we all respond differently to similar events. Have you wondered why? Because some people call upon their inner strength to rise above the daily clutter and focus on their best qualities and biggest goals. Every time a door or an opportunity closes on you, take it up as a challenge and march right ahead. It is an indication that what is best for you has not yet presented itself or that you have not focused on what you really want. Isn’t it common that just when we think all doors have shut on us, suddenly a perfect one opens, out of nowhere? Extraordinary achievements begin in the mind—attitude—more than in the reality of our current situation. As we allow for a proactive and empowered attitude to take roots in our mind, extraordinary results flow from there.

3. Being extraordinary is a choice

By now, you must’ve realised that being extraordinary is neither an accident nor a special privilege that some have and others don’t. It is a self-created state of being your best. And we become our best self when we choose the best. For example, when someone is being mean or rude to you, what is your first reaction? If you feel like getting back or paying the person in the same coin, you’ve taken the ordinary way out, and that takes no special effort.

On the other hand, it takes solid strength of character and a well-considered choice to be different than the person who disrespects you. You can choose to not be insulted and speak and act with balance in the face of disrespect. This really puts the brakes on the other person. She doesn’t know how to respond to your extraordinary response. The next time, such people will think twice before crossing the line. Extraordinary people hold themselves to high standards and choose wisely, especially, under pressure and stress.

Extraordinary people call upon their inner strength to rise above the daily clutter and focus on their best qualities and biggest goals

4. Extraordinary requires daily effort

If we continue to make the same mistakes we made before, and don’t learn from them, our chances of becoming an extraordinary individual diminish greatly. Learning from everyday experiences and closing the loop with feedback and improvement is a secret weapon of extraordinary people. At times, it is the most obvious thing to do, yet many of us just don’t catch on. It is simple, continuous and incremental improvements that make massive results possible. Extraordinary people don’t become so, one fine day. They practise being extraordinary every single day by making seemingly small, but important improvements; so can you.

5. Extraordinary demands discipline

Discipline doesn’t come easy to anyone. I’ll give you my own example. Before I began brisk-walking more than three kilometres every day, it was nearly impossible for me to do so. Yet, my body told me that I needed to exercise more, and I began to push myself every single day to put on my walking shoes, go out there and walk. The first week was no fun at all. My body ached and I was out of breath. Then, something began to change, imperceptibly, but surely. At the exact same time, every day, an alarm bell would go off in my head that said—time to walk. Before I knew, I was already walking out of the door. To my surprise, I really started looking forward to tying my shoelaces and stepping out. Just three weeks of discipline had turned into a habit.

You can do the same with anything you choose, to make it a good habit. Extraordinary people have the ‘stickiness’ that makes discipline a part of their lives.

It is simple, continuous and incremental improvements that make massive results possible

6. Extraordinary is about learning

For most of us, learning becomes an occasional event once our formal education ends. I’ll let you on to a secret: real life learning begins only after getting a degree. That’s when we need to step up on learning, big time. Extraordinary people learn from little things in life by keenly observing themselves and others. There are innumerable avenues to learn. You can read books, listen to audio talks, attend seminars, watch inspiring videos, talk to those who are wiser than you… the list goes on.

Extraordinary people remain eager to learn every waking hour. No exaggeration. Every experience tells us something valuable, even the bad ones. We just need to choose to extract the learning and implement it at the right time. Extraordinary people are always ready to learn.

7. Extraordinary is a belief

What we believe is what we get. What we don’t believe, but continue to want, might elude us forever. In essence, if you want to become an extraordinary person, you must believe with all your heart that you are capable of standing out in a crowd—of achieving the impossible. Belief creates miracles. When I was in an extremely tough life situation, I set aside the superficial busy-ness of my life and focused on the ‘why’ of the situation. I realised quickly that the problem lay in my own head, not in the world outside me. It was a rude shock, but I decided to act on my discovery. From that day, I resolutely believed that I was deserving of being supremely happy and earning all good things in life. And that’s exactly what happened—almost effortlessly and in an amazingly short span of time. This is my truth. So, I can confidently say to you that believing in your chosen goals and dreams really elevates you to the level of an extraordinary person.

If you put these seven secrets into practise with all your heart, success will be yours to take.

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