What Is Meant By a Perfectionist

A perfectionist is someone who has extremely high standards and sees anything that is even ‘almost perfect’ as a failure. According to psychiatrist Samir Parikh, perfectionism is a personality trait like any other that one may possess such as shyness or extroversion. He emphasizes that as a single trait, it cannot be termed as a mental disease. It’s not a mental illness unless several other behavioral disturbances are present.

Those living with perfectionists often feel hurt or offended, but the perfectionist is equally critical of his own actions as well. It starts becoming a matter of concern when all that exists for the person is what he does. At such times, the perspectives of others start taking a back seat.

Also, for a perfectionist it is all about the final destination, not the journey. “A perfectionist’s definition of happiness lies in the end-result, achieving of the target. The process of chasing a goal or the efforts put in value less for him. And hence, he finds it difficult to appreciate the virtues and efforts of his dear ones,” says Jitendra Nagpal, a psychiatrist at VIMHANS, New Delhi.

Related » Confessions of a (Former) Perfectionist Wife

A Perfectionist is Difficult to Please

It’s not easy to please a perfectionist. Psychologist Alan Entin from Richmond, Virginia says, “Perfectionism is very difficult to live with because you are always striving for some kind of magical fantasy ideal that no one can ever live up to.” To be living with such a person could be a challenge. It could be draining not just physically but emotionally too.

There is always a high risk of one’s effort being dismissed as not good enough. This could not only damage self-esteem but also impact the relationship between the couple.

Take the case of Amita, who went into severe depression within just a year of marriage. Detailed discussions with her psychologist revealed that Amita’s husband Rajesh was a thorough perfectionist — at work and home. He set such high standards for himself and her that no matter how well she tried, she failed to measure up. One year into the marriage, Amita’s self-esteem had taken a huge hit. Her psychologist realized that it was her husband that needed counseling, not her.

Second Chances

Here’s another story. Rashi got married to Ashish, her childhood sweetheart. Though in love, they used to fight often. Soon after marriage, the two decided to call it quits but only after giving it a last chance.

So they consulted a marriage counselor. In just two sessions, Rashi realised that it was her perfectionist ways and unrealistic expectations from Ashish that often led to arguments. Ashish understood that he needed to be more patient, firm and loving towards Rashi. All it needed was some change in their attitudes towards each other.

It’s hard to think of living a beautiful life with a perfectionist partner, if you’re not one yourself. “It involves adapting to each other and, in some cases, helping the perfectionist bring about the desired changes. Once an individual learns to channel his perfectionist tendencies, things can be easily handled,” says Parikh.

Expert Tips to Live With a Perfectionist Partner

How difficult it is to live with a perfectionist partner largely depends on your own perception and attitude. Here are some ways to make living with a perfectionist easier:

Don’t react every time

“Reacting every time a perfectionist partner pinpoints at something makes matters worse,” observes Parikh. So, don’t defend every time you are criticized. But later, at the right opportunity, communicate how your spouse’s behavior made you feel — the timing helps validate your point. Also, because you don’t defend yourself every time, they would be obliged to listen to you.

Don’t get beat

“For your partner to accept you as you are, it is important that you accept yourself first. Be proud of who you are,” says Nagpal. Overcome your complexes. If you suffer from a low self-esteem, it won’t be difficult for your partner to overpower you with his demands. Also, if you feel diffident within, no matter how logical your point you will never be able to stand for it. It’s difficult when someone is always trying to point out your faults, but you have to make all efforts you can.

Also read » 7 signs of gaslighting + 9 steps to deal with it

Don’t generalize

Resist the temptation to counter or disagree with everything your spouse says just because he or she is a perfectionist. At times they might be right. In a way, your partner is helping you grow. Thank them when they point out your weak areas. Most perfectionists themselves have low self-esteem and tall egos. Your attitude of being grateful for sharing their opinions will soothe their ego. In time, they will be more open to your remarks.

Explain your viewpoint

Gradually make your partner understand that, for you, your frailties and your faults are just as important as your virtues. If you value genuine efforts more than the end-result, tell them that. “Don’t be too straight or rude while expressing these thoughts. These ideologies would as it is be quite hard for the perfectionist to understand. You have to sound convincing but not crass,” says psychiatrist Sanjay Chugh.

Set mutual standards

Be willing to compromise and put in extra efforts in some areas. Likewise, talk to your partner about easing down on some counts too. For instance, if your perfectionist husband wants you to cook a proper three-course meal for him every day, ask him to help you with cleaning the house every morning. Or, if your perfectionist wife wants you to get up at 6am while you prefer getting up at 8am, it’s ideal to compromise for 7am.

Set limits

Know where to draw the line. Explain to them that you’re a separate entity and would like to be treated as one and that you need a partner, not an instructor. Under no circumstances should you entertain abusive behavior.

Don’t return the favor

Nobody’s perfect, not even your partner. There’s a world of difference between being a perfectionist and being perfect. If he points out your shortcoming, resist the temptation to do likewise and start looking only for his weaknesses. But do express your honest opinion. Help him realize areas that he needs to improve on.

Related » Trying too hard to be loved by your partner? May be it’s codependency

Summary

Living with a perfectionist is no doubt challenging. But in most cases, you can improve your equation with your partner with some effort. With your love, patience, and strength of mind, your perfectionist partner will loosen up even as you protect your own sanity and regain your self-esteem.

The post How to Live with a Perfectionist Partner: Advice From Experts appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

She thought Amit was demanding, irrational and immature. While Sneha did have issues with him, the two were trying to sort things out.

Nevertheless, Tamanna would spend hours every day trying to convince Sneha that he was not the guy for her.

The discussions soon led to heated arguments, fights and eventually a strained relationship. While Sneha and Amit are happily married for four years now, Tamanna is no more a friend.

“We often hear of parents who don’t let their children live their own life. It’s not the child but his mother or father, who takes his career decisions, what kind of friends he should have and what extra-curricular activities he should participate in.

Not just parents, we regularly hear of domineering siblings, spouses, friends, even neighbours! Such people strongly believe that they are just being ‘selflessly’ caring, not quite realising that care never means bossing over the other person,” says New Delhi based psychiatrist Sanjay Chugh.

Beyond a point, it’s difficult to keep up with such people. As a result, they lose friends, suffer break-ups, and have bad family relations. Their inability to accept people or adapt to situations ruins their professional life as well.

Sooner or later, they become social recluses. “Overassertive people see themselves as victims and can be heard as saying, ‘nobody understands me’. They fail to understand that it is they who often fail to understand or appreciate people, their views, and their problems,” says Brahmakumari Sister Shivani.

Such people insist on having their way in all interactions. Lurking within the fabric of such know-it-all personalities is a poor self-image.

Understanding the psyche…

Underneath the strong and mature appearance is a cloud of unhappiness, anxiety, doubt, fear, insecurity and low self esteem.

“An exaggerated need to control is part of a cluster of behaviours that are understood as compulsive. They are generally characterised by perfectionism, orderliness, workaholic tendencies, an inability to appreciate others, and an intense fear of having their flaws exposed.

Deep down, domineering people are quite vulnerable. They tend to protect themselves by being in control of every aspect of their lives, including their relationships.

In psychiatry, we believe that control freaks have a poor image of themselves. They cause stress to others so as to maintain a sense of order or dignity,” says psychiatrist Jitendra Nagpal.

We now understand that trying to control others is a negative trait that only leaves you friendless and anguished. Becoming a prisoner to your sense of order is unhealthy and wide off the mark.

Here’s how to lighten up..

Accept that there’s a problem: It is important that you first realise that being controlling and critical is not normal. And that the problem lies within you and not with those around you.

Know that no one thinks about you as much as you do: Don’t be so conscious about what others might think of you. It is to better your image in the society that you tend to be a rescuer all the time.

As you are not the centre of the universe, people don’t spend the whole day thinking positive or negative about you. So stop working on your social image all the time. The flip side is that your being too involved [read interfering] in people’s affairs does attract negative attention.

So be comfortable with who you are. Don’t get too anxious by the happenings around you, time and again. Be contented within and let the inner calm reflect on your face and in your personality.

Understand that there is no such thing as ‘perfection’: Nobody is perfect. And this is absolutely fine. Says author Edith Schaeffer, “People throw away what they could have by insisting on perfection, which they cannot have, and looking for it where they will never find it.”

Be comfortable in your skin and let people be comfortable in theirs. While it’s good to be attentive to details, don’t get so obsessed with issues like cleanliness and mannerisms that you gradually begin pushing your dear ones away from you.

Look for virtues in others: From a tiny toddler to an octogenarian, a below-average student to a street vendor, each one of us has some unique qualities.

Instead of teaching others, appreciate people for their positive aspects. This will help you accept them as they are.

Don’t give advice unless asked: Don’t just assume that everyone needs your advice. Keep your opinions to yourself unless somebody asks you to share them.

Even when you are asked for advice, don’t expect the person to do as you say. If you genuinely want to pass on a piece of advice to someone, do that politely. And be done. Ultimately, she is free to take her own decision.

Don’t take personal responsibility for others: To each his own. It’s not a great idea to volunteer all the time to make a positive change in someone else’s life, especially when the person doesn’t find anything wrong with it.

If you really care for a person, be there for him, when he truly needs you. Let each person be responsible for his or her own actions. And let each person find ‘or not find’ solutions to her own problems. The best way to stop thinking a lot about others is to start thinking about yourself. Remember: you are responsible for each sphere of your life, and nobody else’s.

Learn to respect others’ viewpoint: Before participating in a discussion or expressing a notion, keep an open mind. People may have opinions different from yours. Respect everybody’s individuality and rationale.

Don’t try to prove your point over and above others’. This way, you are only making people avoid you on future occasions. Even in general, don’t forever judge everybody’s lifestyle, attitude, nature, or actions. At times, it’s good to be less perceptive and observant.

By trying to control others and trying to get things done your way, you are only pushing your loved ones away and adding to your inner complexes.

As a famous saying goes: “Don’t take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive, anyway.” Loosen up. Life’s a bumpy ride, enjoy and let others enjoy too.

The post Stop being a control freak appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Snigdha’s boyfriend Gaurav did not approve of her best friend Shweta. He wanted Snigdha to part with her. Snigdha had a tough time trying to convince Gaurav not to make such a demand. Finally, she took a stand.

She asked Gaurav to better call it quits with her for she found no reason for breaking ties with her childhood friend Shweta. Gaurav soon realised his mistake. Though, Gaurav and Shweta still don’t meet or talk to each other, he knows that Shweta is an integral part of his girlfriend’s life and now respects their friendship.

Gossiping all day, enjoying pani-puri on the roadside, giggling at those not-so-funny incidents, crying on the other’s shoulders, keeping each other’s secrets, and calling each other up at ungodly hours to share something utterly stupid… the time spent with friends is one of the most wonderful periods of life.

But what do you do when your partner can’t accept your friendships? Absolutely ludicrous as the whole suggestion may sound, many close ties go awry and wear away eventually because of ‘the spouse’.

Many prefer bartering away their friendship, willingly or unwillingly, for the sake of peace in the house. “We wouldn’t be married without my best friend Sumeet’s support. From convincing Ekta’s parents to making all marriage arrangements, Sumeet had managed it all.

Initially, my wife and Sumeet bonded well. Soon after marriage, Ekta started avoiding Sumeet; she wouldn’t even come out of her room whenever he came home. He is the same guy whom she had once tied rakhi to.

Suddenly he was an ‘intruder’. Everything about Sumeet—mannerisms, sense of humour, body language—would drive her mad,” remembers Rohit Saluja, chartered accountant. He adds, “Now that we were married, he was needed no more.

Tired of everyday fights with my wife over the issue, I had to distance myself from Sumeet. Thankfully he understood my position. Friends like him are difficult to find. Still I had to lose him.”

Sometimes, one of the partners forges bonds with the spouse’s friends, leaving his/her own behind. Quips writer Chetan Bhagat, “After marriage, either your friend is your wife’s friend too or he’s no more your friend!”

“While I try to befriend all her friends and make them feel comfortable when invited at our home, my wife isn’t nice to most of my friends. While I respect her space and relationships, I wish, she did the same,” says Prakash Paranjpe, a manager.

“Whenever we had rows, he would bring up my best friend Sapna, criticising her and dismissing her as an intrusive, interfering element in my life,” reveals 27-year-old Aruna Thakkar, a housewife.

Upon realising that she was causing a rift in her best friend’s marriage, Sapna drifted away from me on her own. It’s been two years since. Sapna doesn’t even receive my phone calls,” says a dismal Aruna.

Some individuals don’t approve of their partner’s outings with friends after marriage. So they either go out together or don’t at all. Besides, some have reservations—they approve of one friend, and dismiss the others. It is as though they want to control everything in the partners’ lives, starting with friends.

In one such instance, a Delhi-based couple’s marriage had come to a breaking point. The rift in their relationship had to be mended by a marriage counsellor. It took time, but finally the unreasonable spouse understood that her partner had to be treated as an individual who needed his own space and freedom. She began showing more trust and understanding in the relationship. With time their bond strengthened.

“A reduced social circle leads to low self-esteem, stunted personality, limited social skills and a cloistered existence. This may lead to depressive disorders and ultimately the breaking up of a relationship.

For their own relationship to bloom, both men and women need to understand and appreciate each other’s need for that private space,” says Samir Parikh, senior psychiatrist at Max Healthcare, New Delhi.

Each relationship has its own place and importance in a person’s life. Rather than giving in completely to your other half’s wishes, give due preference to your wishes and desires at times. You need to prioritise.

It’s important to chalk out means by which neither the peace at home nor the age-old friendships suffer. “Even if it means no bringing friends home, it’s easier for guys to catch up with their friends outside home and continue with the friendship.

Your wife shouldn’t mind that if you make her understand your point well. Calling quits isn’t an ideal option,” says Parikh.

Making new relationships shouldn’t mean having to break all old ties or having to choose between the two. Take for instance Nitin. Despite what his wife thinks, Nitin has continued his friendship with his old friend Mukul, though they both take care not to call each other before 10.30 in the morning and after 9.30 in the night!

“It is natural for your spouse to expect to be in a ‘be-all-end-all’ position in his/her partner’s life. However, even as people go about giving that position to their love interest, they have every right to take time out for themselves,” says Madhumati Singh, senior psychologist, Indraprastha Apollo Hospital.

Relationships aren’t comparable. The mantra to happiness is: strike an ideal balance in every relationship and sphere of your life.

However, you should do it in such a way that your partner understands and appreciates your relationships while being convinced that s/he is the most important person in your life. It is all about growing together, yet separately.

The post Friends causing a feud? appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Not quite so. Without the knowledge of what we truly are, we will always find it difficult to rid ourselves of sin.

According to Brahmakumari Sister Shivani, to rid ourselves of sins and then grow spiritually is like healing ourselves first and then seeing a doctor. She says, “Spirituality is healing. It is the journey of shifting our focus and thereby our behaviour from body consciousness [ego of all the acquired labels in our lifetime] to soul consciousness. It is then that we return to our true consciousness of a pure being.”

Sadhvi Bhagwati, an American who adopted sainthood and devoted her life to serving mankind 14 years ago, feels that it’s only after we embark on a spiritual path that we grow aware of our innermost qualities and divine nature. And it is then that we shun all wrong deeds. “It is then that true transformation happens,” she says.

Myth: I can’t be spiritual if I am still interested in gathering material possessions and making money

“Blessed are those who have material wealth for they have the opportunity to help the poor and needy,” says Swami Ramdev. Spirituality is a way of being, thinking and interacting. He adds, “To say that the rich and affluent are not spiritual is wrong. I know many who are more enlightened and Godly than many of us. A person should not be greedy, miserly, overambitious and too money-minded.”

The essence is to not run after wealth. In the words of Sister Shivani: “We earn, buy and use but not for pleasure but physical comfort. We understand that everything material is designed for the comfort of the body, but our happiness is our creation and it is independent of anything or anyone outside. This means that we don’t earn them so that we will be happy, but we are happy while working to earn them. Money or no money, if this aspect doesn’t disturb our state of happiness, there is no problem with amassing wealth.”

Myth: To err is human, to forgive is divine

Spiritual master Osho believes that to err is human and to forgive is also human. Osho’s philosophy is, “If forgiving is divine then you are raising the level too high, beyond human reach. Bring it within human reach and learn to forgive.”

As per Sri Sri Ravi Shankar of the Art of Living Foundation, it is important to respect a bad person. “There is a saying in Sanskrit: durjanam prathamam vande sajjanam tadanantaram. First worship the bad person and then the good one. The bad man is falling and giving you an example, ‘don’t do what I did.’ Do not hate a prisoner because he’s a criminal. Consider him to be an embodiment of God. He has done you a great service. Don’t ever hate a drug addict because he has given you such a beautiful lesson, and he has been given that role. He is just performing his role,” says Ravi Shankar.

It doesn’t matter what happens, regardless of the nature of the event or the sharpness of the words intended to insult, our response is always our own creation. “When we forgive someone, we actually do ourselves a favour because through forgiveness we release all the negative thoughts, emotions and energies that we are holding onto in our anger. By replaying the moment again and again in our mind, torturing ourselves in so many ways, we hurt ourselves more than anyone else does. This is a deep realisation,” says Sister Shivani. It’s never them, it’s always me is a deep realisation indeed!

Myth: I need to be a calm, compassionate person to be spiritual

You don’t need to be any of this to be spiritual. You end up being all of these and more, once you become spiritual. When we are not hurt by what others say or do, then compassion, patience and calmness come naturally. Says Yogi Ashwini of the Dhyan Foundation, “Only he who is spiritually inclined is humble, polite and compassionate. We have to grow aware of our divine nature first to learn to accept our faults and begin accepting others as they are.”

Spirituality teaches us that the divine is within us. “True knowledge wipes clean the dust and dirt of ego, pride and desires, thereby making us compassionate and calm,” says Sadhvi Bhagwati.

Myth: Spirituality is about finding God

This sentence holds true if you understand that God resides in you.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar puts it aptly: “God is not somebody with a big white beard, sitting in heaven. God is love. He is space. God is to be felt in the depth of your heart. This wanting to see God as separate from you is an illusion. God is not an object of senses, but the feeling of feelings, the presence of presence, the sound of silence, the light of life, the essence of the world and the taste of bliss.”

Swami Chidanand Saraswati of Parmarth Niketan opines that spirituality is about finding God within ourselves. “Spirituality is about realising that what we think are isolated drops of water, scattered about the world, are actually part of the ocean. When we realise this unity between us and the divine, we simultaneously realise a unity with everyone else on the planet,” he says.

As for Yogi Ashwini, spirituality is not about finding anyone or anything but true knowledge. “We have to know first what we are finding to be able to find it. With so much of ignorance around, the problem is that most of us neither understand God nor ourselves. Spirituality simply opens up the doors to divine knowledge. It helps us understand the basis of our creation. Finding the right guru to guide you on the right path is the most important aspect of spirituality. Sadly, many people go wrong at this basic stage,” she says.

Myth: What I eat or drink doesn’t affect my spiritual progress

Spiritual scholars claim that alcohol and non vegetarian food does slow down our spiritual progress.

“Avoid use of eggs and meat in your diet. The Almighty has made us vegetarian. Meat eating suppresses kindness, compassion, love, sympathy and dedication. Man turns into a demon. His stomach becomes a crematorium,” says Swami Ramdev.

Sister Shivani affirms that food has a direct effect on the mind. “If the food is pure and high energy [satwic food], it will help to have a satwic or pure mind. Conversely proportional is low energy food or tamasic food that has a depleting effect on our spiritual journey.”

Explaining the medical aspect of non-vegetarian food Swami Chidanand says that when an animal is about to be killed, like humans, its body also gets flooded with several stress hormones. “When we eat those tissues, we are ingesting those hormones. Thus, our own bodies become flooded with adrenaline and other fight or flight chemicals. This makes us even more prone to simple survival instincts. When we have hormones in our blood that tell us our life is in danger, it is no surprise that we are angry, restless and anxious,” he says.

Myth: Loving oneself is selfish

Loving oneself is loving God.

Sadhvi Bhagwati explains this beautifully through a simple example: “If your child paints a bad picture for you, you will still love the painting. You will hang it on the wall and tell everyone that your child painted it. The sheer fact that your child made it, has rendered an inestimable value to the painting. In the same way, God has created us. To love ourselves is to love and respect His creation.”

As per Brahmakumaris philosophy, when we love ourselves, we heal and empower ourselves to heal others. “When we are at peace within and we have no expectations from others, we are able to empower them with positive thoughts and energy. We cannot love, respect or empower others unless we love ourselves,” says Sister Shivani.

Here, it’s important to know the difference between divine selfishness and human selfishness. Divine selfishness is about listening to your heart and following our conscience. Saying ‘yes’ when we want to say ‘no’ and saying ‘no’ when we want to say ‘yes’ makes us compromise our truth and disturbs our state of calm. It is this disharmony between our thoughts and actions which leads to disharmony in our relationships. To love others, first learn to love yourself.

The post Busting common myths about spirituality appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Likewise, you have reproaches, resentment, sadness, fears and painful experiences stacked well in your memory. The past that’s well-engraved in your memory, inadvertently marks an indelible impression on your current and future actions. The Buddhist ‘philosophy of emptiness’ claims to free you from the clutter; let’s try and unravel this secret mantra of happiness.

The theory of emptiness

The theory of emptiness was developed as a fundamental philosophical standpoint by the Indian Buddhist master Nagarjuna [circa 2^nd century CE]. Tibetan Buddhist thinkers see this theory as an elaboration and refinement of the basic Buddhist theory of No-Self.

“All things and events are devoid of any intrinsic and absolute existence. They come into being due to the aggregation of multiple causes and conditions,” says The Dalai Lama. Their material existence and identity is contingent upon other factors such as language, thought and concepts, that together make up worldly convention. “This absence of intrinsic existence and identity is what is referred to as ’emptiness’ and is considered to be the ultimate truth of all things and events,” the Dalai Lama adds.

It’s not the objects you keep that stagnate your life. It is the attitude of keeping that eventually causes you pain. Buddhist philosophy says that when we keep things in store, we consider the possibility of wanting, of penury.

We believe that tomorrow it may lack and we won’t be able to fulfil those necessities. The habit of holding back indicates that you don’t trust your tomorrow. And you think that the new and the better are not for you. For this reason, you prefer storing old and useless stuff.

“While still stuck with old things and issues, we don’t open our eyes to the current blessings of life. And consequently, miss our today when that also becomes one of our yesterdays,” says Skalzang Youdon, a devout Buddhist. Letting go our past belongings and memories, helps us live our present fully and look forward to our future with redoubled vigour.

Let it all go

Till the time we remain lost in the past, we fail to cherish the beauty that our present offers. As Lynn Grabhorn says in her book, Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting, “Rather than denying or stuffing your past, go ahead and look at it, but without judgment. Look at it, express it, admit it, acknowledge it, accept it, and move on. In other words, let your past become something that is simply a matter of fact. That’s all. Express your disappointment, your regret, your anger, and then LET IT GO! If you don’t, you will continue to draw to you the very events that you are still resenting or regretting.”

Letting go also involves leaving behind your anger, resentment and guilt. A lot of times we are too filled with anger against a person or event. We feel that we are helpless to do anything about it. When this happens, the anger can turn inwards and we become self-destructive.

“Self destruction can take any number of forms as we seem to be very inventive when it comes to hurting ourselves. Eating disorders, addictions to drugs and alcohol, bad relationships, crime, self mutilation, not being able to keep a job, being constantly accident prone.on and on it goes.

We all find different ways to take out the anger on ourselves,” says Kanpur-based psychologist Vipul Singh. You have the power, so let it go. You no longer need it.

“It is important to understand that forgiveness and letting go won’t happen overnight. After years of having the hurt and anger bottled up inside, it can take a while to develop the willingness to let those emotions go and to allow other positive feelings to take their place. One just needs to take that first step to allow real healing to take place,” says Skalzang.

Keep forgiving and keep letting go. The emotions can be incredibly painful but there’s no way to heal except to go through it and feel the emotions.

Unlearn and relearn

Consider this quote by American writer and futurist Alvin Toffler: “The illiterate of the 21^st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.” The art of steady learning, unlearning and relearning is what keeps life running smoothly. If you don’t adapt, failure is inevitable.

Mahatma Gandhi advises, “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” It is necessary that you get rid of all the useless things and lessons that are in you and in your life for prosperity to arrive.

Emptiness helps you change your mindset with the changing times. It helps you drop old inhibitions, hesitations and habits and to reinvent yourself. Don’t let your inhibitions come in the way of your future prosperity and happiness.

The post Live empty appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

In human beings, complications arising out of continuous radiation exposure are known as electro hypersensitivity [EHS]. Under this condition, the person becomes highly reactive to EMR. In extreme cases, he can have severe breathing problems, heart palpitations and loss of consciousness. Many can feel electricity going through their body and experience disabling symptoms such as convulsions, memory problems and depression. “Many health complications, which can’t be diagnosed could be linked back to such invisible radiation attacks,” adds Walia. These radiations can even interfere with the functioning of medical devices like pacemakers.

Based on various studies, here goes a short list of EMF pollutants at home:

• Television, music system and all other electrical equipment even doorbells
• Radio and television transmitters and remote controls
• Computers, laptops
• Mobile phones
• Cordless phones
• Microwave ovens
• House wiring
• Power lines
• Cars, motor cycles.

The extent to which one can be harmed by these damaging radiations largely depends on the strength of the EMFs emitted by an appliance, one’s proximity to thedevice and the time for which one is exposed. With proper knowledge and precautions the effect of these radiations can largely be reduced.

Over the years various studies done by different universities and scientists claim that the most commonly used home appliances have quite high EMFs, the reason often being incorrect wiring. Let us see how you can make your home safe from these harmful radiations:

Bedroom

The head of your bed should never be placed opposite an electrical panel, television, computer or an air conditioner.

If you have a bedside electric clock, you are probably sleeping with radiations equivalent to that of a high tension power line.

“Keep electrical devices such as telephones at least six feet from your bed. Beds with metal parts must be avoided. Sleeping in a bed with heating pad, electricblanket or waterbed heater plugged into a wall outlet can be dangerous,” says Lucknow-based senior neuro-physician I.N. Bajpayee. Electric bedding devices create a magnetic field that penetrates about 6 –7 inches into the body leading to miscarriage, childhood leukaemia and breast cancer. An epidemiological study performed in 1979 by US-based epidemiologists Nancy Wertheimer and Ed Leeper have linked electric blankets with miscarriages and childhood leukaemia. In 1988, a study sponsored by the New York State Department of Health supported their hypothesis. Another study in African-American women found that use of electric bedding devices may increase breast cancer risk. Therefore, avoid buying these.

Children’s room

Children are most susceptible to EMR; make sure that their rooms are safe enough.

Compact fluorescent [CFL] bulbs produce ultraviolet radiation. Children, and even adults, have suffered rashes on their body after going near the bulb.”FLs produce radio frequencies from a tiny transformer that is used to excite the gas inside the tube to provide light. Opt for usual tube lights and bulbs instead,” advises Bajpayee. Similarly, should a fluorescent light fixture be placed in the kids’ room, the fixture must remain off while the kids are sleeping.

Like in your own bedroom, avoid all electronic appliances like music system, television, and especially computers [EMFs radiate from all sides of the computer] in your children’s room as well.

Kitchen

Kitchen is yet another high EMF area of the house. Stand at least one metre away from an operating toaster, electric kettle, microwave oven, and electric stove in the kitchen when immediate attention is not required. Microwave ovens emit high amount of electromagnetic radiation whilst they are connected to the power grid. Unplug the oven immediately after use.

As much as possible, keep children out of kitchen.

In general, avoid installing a mobile tower next to your home. A in-depth study by Sainudeen Pattazhy, President of Kerala Environment Research Association [KERA] found that electromagnetic radiation they emit is harmful to life.

Computers

Avoid using wireless connections for computers. Although there is no conclusive evidence that bluetooth devices and WiFi routers emit huge amount of radiations and are harmful for the brain, it is better to be cautious.

In 2006, Lakehead University president Fred Gilbert was worried about the health impact of radio waves emitted by WiFi networks. That year, parents in 14 schools of Canada claimed that their kids have symptoms including memory loss, trouble concentrating, skin rashes, hyperactivity, night sweats and insomnia.

They further said that these symptoms disappeared during weekends, when the children were at home, away from WiFi connections.

WiFi technology alters our fundamental physiological functioning and can cause neurological and cardiac symptoms. The router antennas for a wireless network cause health disorders for EMF-sensitive people.

If you have a router with an adjustable antenna, position the antenna to point in a horizontal position or less than 45°C upwards. That is the next best to replacing it with a wired connection [although the broadband cable also brings along radiations and must be kept away from the bedroom].

Upgrade your computer monitor to a flat screen LCD model that produces low electromagnetic radiations.

Never use a laptop on your lap while it is connected to the charger and using AC power.

Cordless Phones

Having a cordless phone instrument at home is as detrimental to your health as installing a mobile phone tower in your drawing room, say scientists Lennart Hardell, Michael Carlbery and Kjell Hansson Mild. This view is backed by various medical experts. Having a cordless phone is like having a mobile mast in your house. “I’d rather recommend anyone who has a cordless to switch to a plug-in phone,” affirms Harley Street practitioner David Dowson.

Mobile Phones

Do not use cell phones for long conversations or keep others talking on their cell phone for more time than is necessary. Even a two-minute call has been found to alter the natural electrical activity of the brain for up to an hour afterwards, claims a Swedish report. In 2007, Dr Lennart Hardell, from University in Sweden, found that cell phone users had an increased risk of malignant tumours that starts in the brain or spine.

For those whose job requires them to talk on the phone for long, it’s advisable to take specific nutritional supplements [under the guidance of a health expert]. Call centres ought to use scientifically validated EMF protection devices to ensure employee health.”Advanced technologies are available nowadays that strengthen your bio energy field and immune system against the effects of EMF,” says Dr Bajpayee.

Although the World Health Organization [WHO] is yet to confirm that electromagnetic radiations have an ill-effect on health, it could mean that the effect is simply undetectable with our method of measurement. Therefore, negative results are generally less convincing than strong positive ones.

Though those studies are required to further corroborate the physical hazards of radiation, nevertheless, some timely conscientious steps can help you protect your dear ones from these waves hovering inside your home.

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