After a few months, during a routine check-up I was alarmed when I stood on the weighing scale. It showed that I was a good 10kg heavier than I had assumed myself to be. I was forced to acknowledge that my trousers were not fitting of late and I was getting tired quickly. Amol’s words came back to me, and I joined the nearest gym. Within a few months I shed the excess pounds, feeling lighter and fitter. I called Amol, apologised for behaving like an idiot and thanked him for pointing out my problem. It also got me thinking that apart from him, none of my friends, relatives or colleagues had pointed out this issue to me. When I asked some of them, they said that yes, they felt that I had become overweight—but why say something and make me feel bad?

Silence is not always golden

Most of us go through life not speaking the truth, not being frank with our near and dear ones. Diplomacy may be required in certain relationships, I agree. But to avoid speaking the truth to your loved ones is as bad as lying. People in close relationships normally expect one another to be honest, and to give unbiased feedback. If we are always diplomatic, always avoiding ruffling feathers, always wanting peace and harmony at any cost, it is likely that we are leading a life that is far removed from the reality of things: a false life. Common sense tells us that nothing false can bring us long lasting happiness or peace.

It is better to be candid—it pays better dividends than compared to being diplomatic and avoiding speaking the truth. Sometimes one has to administer a bitter pill, so that eventually, a lot of good comes out of it.

Why we don’t tell the truth

Why do we shy away from speaking the truth? It has been my observation that most of us have the habit of saying one thing, while having something different on our minds. Our general tendency is to say nice things to others. Why hurt others? Why make them sad or unhappy? Why point out their shortcomings or deficiencies to them? Is it not better to keep quiet in order to maintain harmonious relationships? While this tendency is fine as far as certain distant relationships or acquaintances are concerned, it is generally not a good idea to avoid speaking the truth to near and dear ones. Your spouse, children, parents, close friends—these people need your honest feedback. But the problem is that we want to be in their good books. We don’t want to start an argument with them, or have a disagreement with them. Even if they are doing something grossly wrong, we want to avoid commenting on it, because our true comments are likely to strain or, in some extreme cases, even destroy the relationship.

Granted, our truth is likely to disrupt harmony and lead to conflict. But what is the use of a relationship in which one cannot even speak the truth? If couples cannot tell each other the truth, if parents can’t tell their child the truth [and vice versa], the entire relationship is weak.

The truth matters

A few years ago, a lady known to us was going through a difficult time with her husband. She was seriously considering leaving him. Most of her close friends and relatives endorsed her views. When I told her that such difficult times arose in every relationship and that it is better to forgive and forget and carry on with the marriage, she didn’t like it. She was hurt that I did not see her agony and distress and she walked away in a huff.

Later, she sat down and thought about the pros and cons of leaving her husband. Good sense prevailed and she decided to continue with her marriage. She did have to make adjustments and compromises, and had to accept many things she did not want to, but eventually things settled down. Her husband too was grateful that his wife did not leave him and changed his attitude.

Many years have passed since and both husband and wife are truly grateful for the piece of honest advice I gave them. Today, they trust my feedback and opinion. Had I been diplomatic, or said what the lady wanted to hear, things would have turned out quite differently, and I’m sure both of them would have been unhappy. I took a risk in telling her the truth, I lost her friendship for some time, but eventually, the truth is what sorted things out for everyone.

But silence is better than lying

It is my opinion that if you don’t want to speak the truth, then it is better not to say anything, rather than stating a false opinion, just to make the other person happy. Remember, no one can really make another person happy permanently. Your lies might make the other person happy briefly, but the truth has a nasty habit of surfacing, sooner than later. That day, you will lose more than you have gained. The best thing is to be honest, the next best—to be silent. Behaving as if you really love somebody when you actually dislike him or what he is doing is the worst injustice that you could do, not only to the other person, but also to yourself. So always be candid.

Adapted with permission from Why Not Use Some Common Sense?, by P V Vaidyanathan, published by Leadstart Publishing Pvt Ltd.

This was first published in the June 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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These aren’t our typical parents, yet some communities may label them as ‘perfect parents’. However, experts suggest that perfect parenting isn’t after all perfect or even existent for that matter. Because parenting is not a science; it is more of an art. It is an art which cannot be taught at any college or University. It is an art that every parent learns instinctively only after they become a parent. And while some of the results of parenting are visible almost immediately, most effects are seen much later in life, when the child becomes an adult of 40 or 50, when he or she enjoys or suffers the effects of parenting in childhood.

First, the basics

Though there is no one definition for ideal parenting, every parent has three or four basic functions to perform. One is that they have to provide for the child’s material and emotional needs. Two, they have to act as shock absorbers and be there for the child, when he goes through the ups and downs of the growing years. Three, they need to set boundaries which are good enough to prevent the child from getting hurt while not being so narrow that his growth suffers. And lastly, they need to teach the child some basics of life, inculcate good values, good manners and good behaviour, but more by example than by talking or lecturing them. In totality, good parenting is all about being available, whenever and wherever your child needs you and it is about loving your child, unconditionally, at all times, irrespective of how the child behaves or what he does.

Insecurity breeds obsession

With the change in the structure of our society in the last few decades, joint families have given way to nuclear families, and most couples now opt for one or two children, as opposed to three or four which was the norm earlier. As a result, parents are now able to spend their time, energy and money more effectively in bringing up one or two children, rather than spreading their resources over three or four. But this also has a flip side. The focus and attention of the parents has also got concentrated on these children, often leading to parental obsession. The fear that something might happen to their only child, or that he might not do well in life, is at the root of many of the obsessions shown by parents. When there were many children and resources were less, parents were not so bothered about how their children turned out. They were more accepting of the child. Today, however, things have changed considerably.

The many shades of obsession

In many families, it is observed that children are smothered by their parents. They are constantly under the parent’s vision and supervision, are rarely left alone and seldom given a chance to think or act independently. Sometimes, the degree of concern and worry that parents show for their children’s welfare reaches unimaginable heights. Here is a case in point. A couple of years ago, there was an epidemic of swine flu, with media acting as a catalyst to the panic, the scenario was blown out of proportion. While all parents were worried for their children’s health, some went to extremes. I know of a couple who was so scared that they shut their eight-year-old son inside the house and did not let him out for a month. He was forced to miss school, and was prevented from going out to play. All the doors and windows of the house were shut and he was put under house arrest. In another case, parents took their children and went away to the grandparent’s house in another city and returned only after two months, when the swine flu scare was over. They also risked losing their jobs and made the children miss school. While this is one example of extreme parental obsession, there is yet another where parents pick up and drop their children to and from school and also accompany them to their tuitions, dance classes, music classes, karate classes and to all the classes that the child takes. So much so that except for the time the child spends sleeping or in one of these classes, he is never out of the sight of his parents.

[contd.]

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Apart from sleeping, our bed is also a source of security and comfort. No wonder, when we sleep in a hotel room, or in someone else’s house, we rarely get the same degree of rest and relaxation that we experience in our own beds.

Our beds are our personal sanctuary. It is one area which we don’t want to ever give up. This only means that we must do some simple research, spend time and money, in choosing a good bed and memory foam mattress. This is also our first step to get a good night’s sleep.

Deep sleep, or a good night’s sleep, is important to all of us. It makes us feel refreshed and function well, the next day. Good sleep and rest also depend on a phase of sleep—Stage-4 sleep. This is a period of sleep in which the body is at complete rest, the brain activity is quiet, breathing is slow and the muscles are totally relaxed.

Many years of sleep research has proven that the more time you spend in Stage-4 sleep without interruption, the more rested you feel in the morning.

One thing that interrupts Stage-4 sleep is physical discomfort. If your mattress presses against your tissues, reducing blood circulation, you will leave Stage-4 sleep frequently, tossing and turning, trying to find a comfortable position. A good bed and mattress ensure that you get prolonged, deep, restorative, and restful night’s sleep. It also ensures that you wake up better rested, more alert, and rejuvenated.

What makes a bed good for sleeping?

A good bed reduces pressure, enhances support and provides proper spinal alignment. The shoulders, hips, and spinal column are correctly supported when your sleeping posture is in balance. Every man and woman has a unique body shape and, thus, uses a different sleeping posture.

Your mattress should be able to adapt to your unique physiology and comfort sensitivities. If you are using a double-bed, do remember that different degrees of firmness may be needed for you and your partner, and so it may make sense to invest in two separate mattresses. The size of the bed itself should be as big as one can afford and as big as one can fit comfortably in the bedroom, with free space to get in and get out, on either side. Very small beds can hamper good sleep.

There are two important points to consider in a mattress: Comfort and firmness. Though it is commonly believed that firmness alone is the most important aspect in choosing a bed, in reality, many people report soreness in the morning, because of the bed being too hard. Softness and cushioning are necessary to ease your pressure points.

Our bodies have curves and, hence, the mattress needs to be able to adapt to your contour. A good supportive mattress is one that is able to give support in the small of the neck, the back, and behind your knees.

A firm, hard sleeping surface is actually non-supportive. Your mattress should ideally conform to you instead of you conforming to it. On a hard, firm surface, or when the mattress does not conform to the body, the hips and shoulders are pushed up. This forces the body out of alignment. When the mattress conforms to you, it allows the body to sink into it, gently caressing and cuddling you, supporting and filling into the small parts of the body. Conformity allows for better weight distribution. This means less pressure on any particular part of your body.

Proper weight distribution necessary for sleep

When lying on your back, support is critical in the neck area, lower back and behind the knees. Most people are unable to sleep on their back, due to little or no support, in the lower back region. However, sleeping on your back is the healthiest way to sleep.

On your back, you distribute your body weight across the widest surface of your body. This minimises the pressure points, and places your spinal system along with your internal organs in proper alignment. If the mattress doesn’t fill into these areas, and does not give proper support, the spine is forced into an unnatural position.

This can cause ‘pinching’ of the disc by the vertebrae [Our spine is made up of three groups of bones called vertebrae]. In between each vertebra, there is a flexible disc made of sponge-like material, which needs good support. It should not get pinched or pressed.

Pressure relief is also very vital to one’s health and wellbeing. By sufficiently reducing pressure from your body, a good mattress will allow oxygen-rich blood to flow freely throughout our bodies. The mattress should be such that it equalises the pressure throughout your body by distributing the pressure evenly from head to toe.

A good mattress should also absorb your body weight, so that your muscles remain relaxed and not contracted throughout the night, leading to muscle aches and pains, the next day. On very firm mattresses, when you lie on the side, your upper body weight pushes down on the shoulder cuff. This leads to lack of circulation and can cause discomfort requiring constant repositioning all night long. The same is true for your hip area, with all the lower body weight concentrated in the region. This again causes discomfort.

It has been scientifically estimated that a person turns over and tosses in bed about 80 – 100 times at night, during sleep. As the body gets pressed, and circulation suffers, the brain signals the body to turn, to relieve the pressure. With a good comfortable bed, the number of tossing and turning will go down, ensuring good rest.

Make sure your pillow is comfortable and supportive as your bed. Ensure that the linen are soft and clean.

Good sleep sure depends on a host of factors. But, the first step for a restful night’s sleep begins with your choice of bed—if it’s the right bed, the better your sleep will be.

This was published in the November 2012 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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The placebo effect is a phenomenon where your symptoms can be reduced or got rid of, by an otherwise ineffective treatment, because you believe or expect that the treatment will work. Placebos are usually inert substances [like sugar or chalk] which by themselves have no medicinal action on the human body. But if your doctor tells you that these are real and effective medicines, which can cure you of your disease, and if you truly believe this, then they may actually work for you. This phenomenon cannot be explained on scientific terms, because the substance being administered is chemically inert and incapable of producing any effects. Such a substance, when given to others, does not produce the same effect, unlike a medicine such as aspirin or paracetamol, which will uniformly reduce fever and pain in anyone it is given to.

It has been postulated that when a person believes strongly that he will be healed by something, his own subconscious mind comes into action and cures him of the disease. Another explanation frequently given for a placebo effect is that the patient’s symptoms were psychological to start with, that the patient did not have any real disease as such, and hence when the patient was satisfied that he was getting treatment, he improved.

The commonest example for the nocebo effect is when a person bitten by a non-poisonous snake dies, because he believed the snake was poisonous

A nocebo, on the other hand, is again an inactive substance, which is not supposed to produce any effects or side effects. But again, due to the patients’ mindset or belief, even this inert substance when administered causes a lot of unwanted side effects. This effect too cannot be explained scientifically or duplicated. But because the patient is under the false belief that the substance being administered is some harmful chemical, his subconscious mind is activated and forces the body systems to react and produce symptoms. The commonest example for the nocebo effect is when a person bitten by a non-poisonous snake dies, because he believed the snake was poisonous. Technically, the snake has no venom and the bitten person should not die, but due to his belief in general that snake bites are poisonous and lethal, his body goes into a severe shock like response and he dies.

A remedy for anxious patients

The placebo effect is a handy tool for a doctor, when dealing with a hypochondriac patient. Every once in a while, doctors encounter patients who are attention seeking and though they do not have any real sickness, they imagine themselves to be sick. Such individuals often hop from one clinic to another, and do not accept the diagnosis that there nothing is wrong with them. They even go to the extent of subjecting themselves to expensive and extensive medical tests, and are often unhappy when told by the doctors that all their reports are normal. In such cases, many experienced doctors resort to giving such patients some harmless pills, usually sugar pills, and tell them that they will be fine when they finish the course. The patients are happy that their illness has been acknowledged. They willingly take the medicine, and since they believe that they are sick, they also equally willingly believe that they will be cured. And surprisingly, their symptoms do disappear with a placebo treatment.

Both placebos and nocebos ultimately produce their desirable or undesirable effects solely because the patient believes that they will. For instance, many have a mindset that allopathic drugs, mainly antibiotics, are harmful and that they must be avoided at all costs. If, by chance, such a person was forced to take these medicines for an illness, it is likely that due to his strong beliefs and conditioning, he will react with many side effects. If any patient is exhibiting side effects which are not normally known with a drug, a doctor could suspect a nocebo effect and must have a detailed discussion with the patient on his belief systems.

Spontaneous cures

Many magical healings and cures are reported to occur all over the world, either due to faith in a deity or due to a person who is a healer. In all these cases, it is likely that the healing happened because the person believed that he will be cured. The brain is connected to each and every cell and organ of the body with nerves and hormones. Once a particular belief or faith becomes imprinted on the mind, it can act through these nerves and hormones and produce the necessary effects. Placebos and nocebos work in the same way. Since placebos and nocebos work because of complete belief and faith, once the person being administered these substances knows that these are inert things, it is highly unlikely that they will produce any effect. The value of a placebo remains only as long as the patient does not know what it is, and actually believes the doctor and the substance to be true and powerful enough to cure him. The biggest advantage of the placebo in medicine is that, since they are inert substances, and are usually inexpensive and harmless, they can be used to cure a whole lot of diseases which originate in a person’s psyche. If the doctor is experienced and if the patient has 100 per cent faith in the doctor, this relationship can be positively exploited by the doctor to cure the patient using placebos.

Every doctor who has been practising for a few years will have a story to tell about the placebo and nocebo effect

There are many interesting examples of both the placebo and the nocebo effect in the history of medicine. Every doctor who has been practising for a few years will have a story to tell. When it was first discovered that germs are the cause of infections, many doctors did not believe this theory. It is reported that at a scientific gathering early in the nineteenth century, where it was being proposed that germs caused infections, the speaker had brought with him a glass of water contaminated with cholera germs. One doctor, who did not believe that germs existed, drank the entire glass of water. As a result of his strong belief, he never got cholera, although the water was filled with the germs. In another instance, a person was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was at an early stage, and with proper chemotherapy, he was cured. His doctors told him that he was lucky and that he need not worry, as his disease had been eradicated. But he did not believe them, as he always knew that cancer is a fatal disease. He continued with the belief that the disease would spread and eventually kill him. Six months later, he died. When the doctors did an autopsy of his body, they did not find a single cancerous cell, or any other disease that could account for his death. He had died because he believed he would die. These examples give a clear idea how placebos and nocebos work in human beings.

Experts who practise mind-body medicine firmly believe that all diseases start in the mind. When the mind is in disorder, with the help of the nervous and endocrine system, it transfers this disorder to the cells and tissues of the body, thereby producing disease. All mind body healing works like a placebo, by changing our beliefs and by raising our faith in ourselves and in the ability of our subconscious mind to cure itself and the body. If you believe something will benefit you, it will. If you believe something will harm you, it will and it does.

.

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A whole new life

This is the story of a woman, that could be the story of any of us. Anita, born and brought up in a traditional Indian household in Hong Kong, grew up with a lot of complexes and low self esteem. Struggling with the many cultures she was exposed to, she grew up to be a girl who was different from the rest. But her constant inner battles and worries made her an unhappy soul, in spite of having everything going great and being married to a person she loved.

The disease that was eroding her thoughts and her spirit manifested physically and she was diagnosed with cancer of the lymph glands. Anita refused to subject herself to the standard course of cancer treatment, namely chemotherapy, and tried a whole lot of alternate therapies, both in Hong Kong and in India. This was more because she was afraid of the daunting treatment modalities of modern medicine than her faith in the alternative sciences. Over the next four years, following her diagnosis, her health continued to worsen till one day, she slipped into a coma. Her husband rushed her to the hospital where the doctors told them that it was too late, the cancer had spread all over the body, her organs had failed and she had less than 36 hours to live. At this point, Anita had the experience that renewed her life. She had an out of body experience, where the meaning and purpose of life became perfectly clear to her. She chose to return to her bodily form, and was healed of her disease. The book is about the lessons she learnt during this state and how they helped her understand life and cure herself.

The book is divided into many small sections and reads like a story; the prose is simple to understand. From the very first page, the reader can easily identify and empathise with the author’s life and her shortcomings. Anita touches a deep chord, and makes us realise that we are all born perfect, and that we are magnificent creatures, who lack nothing. Much of the worry and fear that we have are negative energy patterns. These energies are often not expressed for lack of a suitable outlet. It is only in our minds that we degrade ourselves, think of ourselves as incomplete. Her message to us is to be ourselves, love ourselves, and do exactly what makes us happy, without worrying about the consequences. She concludes by reiterating the fact that fear is the biggest cause of most of our physical and mental illnesses, and if we can get rid of fear, we could get rid of a whole lot of problems plaguing us. According to her, disease is nothing but our own negative energies trapped in our bodies.

Her message to us throughout the book is to be ourselves, love ourselves, respect ourselves, and do exactly what makes us happy. Very often, we feel that if we do what makes us happy, we are behaving in a selfish way. This is how we are conditioned by society. But a person who has no self respect or self love is empty, and cannot give any real love or respect to another person. She concludes by reiterating the fact that if we can get rid of fear, we could get rid of a whole lot of problems plaguing us. And according to her, the best way to do that is to realise our magnificence, realise that we are all perfect souls with nothing to achieve. Her focus throughout is on ‘being’ and not on ‘becoming’, because being is our soul’s perspective, while becoming is the mind’s endeavour.

The book is a must read, especially in today’s highly stressful age, where lifestyle diseases are rampant, and the cures for these diseases are often as bad, if not worse, than the diseases themselves, not to mention the physical, mental, emotional and financial strain that they impose.

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Published by Hay House; illustrated hardcover edition [September 15, 2008]

Pages: 240

Price: $24.95

ISBN: 978-1401923112

All of us have our own set of beliefs about various things in life. But these actually affect our body functions? This is what cell biologist Bruce Lipton explores in his new book The Biology of Belief With the help of cellular experiments, quantum physics and deep thoughts into consciousness, Bruce Lipton shows us how our every thought and every belief acts on the body’s cellular systems. We are already aware of how stress causes acidity and headache, anxiety translates into stomach pain or insomnia. Our thoughts and beliefs have a strong affect on our body’s functioning. And how deep these beliefs run determines how strongly they affect the body. Lipton uses many real-life examples to demonstrate the power beliefs have on our body—people afflicted with grave diseases including cancer got rid of their disease using the mind. Using examples of people who died because they believed it when told that they would die soon, he cautions us to be careful about our beliefs.

The central theme that runs through the entire book is: Be aware and be careful of your thoughts and the beliefs you are stuck to, because they might become true.

This book if properly read, understood and followed, will give you total power over your health, such that you will never need a doctor or drugs again. Go, grab a copy.

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Remember, though, that OTC medications are meant for simple conditions that resolve in a short time. Illnesses that can be safely tackled with OTC medicines are mild-to-moderate fevers, aches and pains, minor colds, coughs, acidity, vomiting or loose motions, nose block, ear and eye pain, oral ulcers, dandruff, lice, simple skin ailments, and minor injuries like cuts, wounds and burns.

OTC medications are safe, if used in proper dosages and for a few days. But since they can have occasional adverse effects, a clear understanding and knowledge of these is required. When you purchase and consume OTC medications, the responsibility automatically shifts to you; and not your doctor. Hence, being informed about the dosage and side-effects of these medications becomes all the more important. Here is a list of 10 of the most commonly used OTC medications with their uses and occasional problems that might crop up.

Paracetamol: By and far, this is considered a safe medicine for fever or pain, if you stick to the dosages mentioned on the packaging, which varies for infants, children and adults. Paracetamol is used to control fever, but if the fever is too high or does not show signs of subsiding within a couple of days, you must visit your doctor. Paracetamol does not cure the disease; it only takes away the symptom of fever, irrespective of what underlying disease is producing the fever. In rare cases, an overdose of this drug may lead to liver damage. Hence, take care to not exceed the recommended dosage.

Ibuprofen: This medicine is popular for its fast-acting and efficient pain-relieving abilities. Ibuprofen is taken for head, muscle, bone, joint, tooth, and body pains. It also has a good effect on high fevers and is safe for those above the age of one year. In some people, it can irritate the stomach and cause heartburn and acidity. If you’re prone to bleeding or you’re on anti-clotting medicines, be cautious because ibuprofen might prolong the bleeding time. When used for long periods of time without medical supervision, ibuprofen can affect kidney function.

Aspirin: This is another popular fever and pain medicine. It has the same advantages and disadvantages as ibuprofen. Because of its blood-thinning and anti-clotting effect, it is often prescribed to patients of stroke or heart attack. Avoid giving aspirin to children as, once in a while, it can cause a dangerous condition in the liver called Reye’s syndrome, which can be fatal.

Cough syrups: These usually have a combination of an anti-cough medicine, a decongestant, an anti-allergic, and paracetamol. Some of the anti-cough preparations like codeine are derived from narcotic sources. Generally, cough syrups are safe, and are consumed by millions of people around the world. Since they contain anti-allergic medications or codeine, in rare cases, if there is an overdose, cough syrups can cause drowsiness and disorientation, and might make it risky to drive a vehicle, or to operate heavy machinery.

Nose drops: These are effective in relieving a blocked nose, and can bring instant relief to children as well as adults who cannot breathe or sleep because of a nose block. They are available in separate strengths for infants, older children and adults. Nose drops don’t have serious side-effects, but may occasionally cause rebound congestion and may also become addictive. Prolong, unsupervised use may also cause drying of the mucus membranes of the nose.

Eye drops: Whenever the eye is red or painful, we tend to use eye drops based on the recommendations of the chemist. Most eye drops contain antibiotics or an antibiotic and-steroid combination. They are effective in minor eye irritations. But if they don’t provide relief within a day or two, or if the irritation or pain is severe, consult an eye doctor. Eye drops can be used for children and adults, and there are no separate strengths available for different age groups.

Laxatives: These are used frequently by people who are constipated. They are safe and work well in those who experience sudden constipation due to illness, other medications or fever, but have normal motions otherwise. There are also those who use laxatives for years on end, without suffering major side-effects. However, laxatives can be addictive and you might need to keep increasing the dose as time goes by to achieve the same effect. Some traditional laxatives like castor oil can irritate the stomach and intestine in an unpredictable manner and are better avoided. Since the intestines of children are more sensitive than those of adults, consult the doctor before using these for children.

Antibiotics: Technically, antibiotics are not considered OTC products. But since they are available without prescription, it is a common practice with many people to take a course of antibiotics themselves, often using the previous prescription of the doctor. Antibiotics are chosen by your doctor after examining you, asking for tests and keeping in mind the common infections that are prevalent at that point of time. What was given to you the last time may not work this time.

Also, antibiotics have many side-effects. They also are to be taken over a specific period, and if taken haphazardly, can lead to antibiotic resistance. If you go wrong in your choice of antibiotic, or if you are suffering from any infection that is not a bacterial one, then the infection will progress and you will eventually get yourself into a serious condition, often needing hospitalisation. Antibiotics should be strictly taken only under the prescription and supervision of a doctor, even though they are available as OTC products.

Anti-spasmodics: Stomach cramps and aches have a variety of causes from indigestion, stomach infections to menstrual pain and worm infestation. Anti-spasmodic medications bring relief from pain by relaxing the smooth muscle of the intestine. They are available as drops for small babies, syrups for older children and as tablets for adults. Taking an anti-spasmodic often gets rid of minor cause of stomach pain. If, however, stomach pain persists, or is accompanied by more severe symptoms like fever, vomiting or loose motions, it is better to consult a doctor.

Anti-acidity medications: All of us suffer from mild indigestion or heartburn at times, and have found relief by consuming antacids. These medicines are safe, and even an overdose does not do much harm. However, if there is not much relief, or if the pain seems to be worsening, it is better to consult your doctor to identify the exact cause. Occasionally, some serious condition like a heart attack can be mistaken for acidity, and one must be alert to worsening symptoms, or if the pain of acidity is accompanied by sweating, giddiness and weakness.

The safest policy to adopt when you’re self medicating with OTC products is to be alert to the changes of your body, and to report to the doctor when symptoms are not improving for more than two or three days.

This was first published in the March 2012 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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Published

Pages: 211

Price: INR 250

ISBN: 978-81-8495-310-7

Beyond enlightenment

Spiritual guru Andrew Cohen is a dissatisfied soul, but in a positive sense. While most seekers on the path of truth are out to reach enlightenment, Cohen tells us that enlightenment is an important step, but only the first one. In his new book, he takes us beyond enlightenment.

According to Cohen, traditional enlightenment means recognising oneself as being pure consciousness, which is a part of the energy process [the Source] from which the Universe originated, 14 billion years ago. We are truly the absolute non-dual state. While most of us would be content having reached here, Cohen refuses to rest and takes us forward, section wise.

The first two sections are devoted to describing traditional enlightenment. Once this is understood, the author reveals to us how existence, or the evolution process, has reached this post modern stage of today. From nothing to light, from light to matter, from matter to unicellular organisms with life, and from unicellular organisms to multi-cellular organisms, which evolved to become you and me, who, according to him, are at the cutting edge of evolution.

He says we don’t depend on existence or God, but rather, existence depends on us to take evolution to the next level. And evolution is an urgent and never ending process. It will never get done. Whatever we do or achieve, there will be more to do. Even so, we human beings, who are at the tip of the evolutionary pyramid, need to evolve further to facilitate the evolution, which must necessarily happen only through us. If we stop evolving in our consciousness, the entire Universe will also temporarily come to a halt, as far as consciousness is concerned, till one or many individuals can break through this impasse, and take the evolution forward. In a sense, we are the torch bearers of evolution, which is indeed a great responsibility thrust on us.

In the third section, Cohen outlines five tenets or rules to live by, which will aid us in going beyond enlightenment. These five tenets are labelled Clarity of Intention, The Power of Volition, Face Everything and Avoid Nothing, The Process Perspective and Cosmic Conscience. By applying these tenets, we can remain at the leading edge of evolution and take the process along.

The final section, titled Enlightenment and the Evolution Culture, talks of the concept of emergence and reaching a state, which is beyond the traditional bounds of culture and tradition.

The book is written in prose without anecdotes, jokes or examples. While the contents are mind-boggling, Andrew Cohen’s writing style is intense. The average reader will have to really concentrate and persist to read the book. But for those who are already heavily into spirituality and who are looking for something different and path breaking, this is just the book.

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The dilemma

Second opinions can work both ways—they can be of tremendous help or they could add to the confusion and worsen our situation. Take the case of Mahesh, who was suffering from fever for 10 days. His family physician had given him the usual course of medicines and had recommended all the standard tests. The results turned out negative. However, Mahesh’s fever persisted even after completing a course of antibiotics. Mahesh decided to take a second opinion. He went ahead and consulted a senior physician, known for his diagnostic skills, knowledge and experience.

The senior doctor went through Mahesh’s reports and ordered a battery of tests. When the results came negative, the doctor advised him to go for more extensive tests. Now, Mahesh was in a quandary—he didn’t know whether he should trust his family physician’s original diagnosis or spend plenty of time, energy and money on the additional tests suggested by the senior physician? Unfortunately, this question cannot be answered easily. It needs a third doctor to be called in who will then help Mahesh choose between the two options in front of him. The biggest problem with second opinions is when they are in conflict with the first opinion.

Should you or shouldn’t you?

So does that mean one shouldn’t seek a second opinion? One should, but only after sufficient amount of time and reasonable trial of medicines has been given by the primary doctor. Running to another doctor too early or too late in the disease can harm the patient. While most family physicians know the patient’s systems and choose a particular course of treatment based on that, a doctor who is consulted for the first time goes purely by the reports. The physician who has known the patient for some time, often for several years, is willing to take a few calculated risks or chances, while an unknown physician will go for a ‘no risk’ or a ‘defensive’ approach. Patients invest many years in developing a trust for their physicians and are prone to trust their family doctors more than second opinions.

When should you seek a second opinion?

Seek an opinion only when there seems to be no response even after a reasonable amount of time has passed and all the basic treatment has been tried. Second opinions should be sought purely for medical reasons, and not because the patient is worried or scared.

Whom to believe?

A common error many patients make is to seek a second opinion, and then choose the option that is convenient to them. For example, if the family doctor tells them to wait and watch, but the senior doctor advises immediate surgery, a majority of patients go by the convenient option of waiting instead of surgery. Depending on what the patient is suffering from, their convenient decision could have positive or negative results. Correctness rather than convenience should be the criteria for following or ignoring a second opinion.

How do you decide what’s correct?

If both opinions are contradictory, as it often happens, the only way out is to take a third opinion. There is no way for the patient to know which doctor is correct as these are highly technical areas where vast medical knowledge and experience is required to know the right from the wrong. This then becomes much like a legal situation where two parties are fighting and arbitration can only be brought about by a third party or by a judge.

How to go about a second opinion?

When a second opinion is sought, the patient should write down a summary of her case in her own words and carry it with her to the consultation. This helps avoid repetition, confusion and saves the time that is spent on updating the doctor on the case. The patient should also carry all reports along with the list of medicines consumed in the past, and a list of all the medicines she is allergic to, so that the new doctor is aware of what to avoid prescribing.

Second opinions are usually sought from doctors who are senior and have a vast experience. Such doctors are hard-pressed for time, so it is better to stick to the facts when speaking to them and not to go into what the patients feels about the disease. You should listen carefully to what they are saying as, often, in your anxiety or worry, you miss out on what the doctor says, which results in misunderstandings. Unlike your primary physician, it may not be possible to repeatedly call the senior physician to clarify your doubts again and again, which is where listening attentively helps.

Should you share the initial diagnosis?

A lot of people are scared that if they share their doctor’s diagnosis with the new doctor, it might colour the second expert’s opinions. Not telling is a bigger risk.

If she does not know what is the initial diagnosis and treatment, she might unnecessarily repeat the same treatment, not knowing that they have been tried and have failed. It is better to be a hundred per cent honest and open.

Should you tell your doctor?

Patients often hide the fact that they are seeking a second opinion from their doctors fearing that it looks like lack of trust. But that depends a lot on the kind of person the doctor is. Most good physicians know their limitations and themselves suggest a second opinion. But it is always better that your doctor knows the truth. In case, after consulting another expert, some emergency arises and the new expert is not reachable, it is your family doctor who can help you.

Should the family doctor suggest?

Ideally, your doctor should suggest whom to approach for a second opinion simply because she knows all the experts in the area. She also knows from past experience who is good and who isn’t. As a patient, you might not be able to come to a decision on choosing an expert by asking your friends or relatives as each person’s experience with a doctor is different. Again, if the family doctor refers you to a specialist, you have to trust your doctor and the expert she recommends.

Second opinions are required in many cases, but the onus is on the primary doctor and on the patient to trust each other. If you have chosen your family doctor correctly and trust her, just go ahead and do what she says. Mistrusting everyone is not helpful.

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Children vary in their sleep requirements from adults. Even their sleep patterns are unlike us. Their sleep disorders depend on their development and the maturity of their nervous systems. What might be normal for a newborn child would definitely be abnormal for a toddler or a pre-schooler. A newborn child often wakes up five or six times a night. This is normal for her, but if a five year old or a teenager does the same thing, it is considered abnormal. Also, sleep deprivation in adults is likely to manifest as fatigue, tiredness, grogginess, headache and daytime sleepiness while children usually manifest with hyperactivity, temper tantrums, under- or over-eating, poor performance at school, or with inability to pay attention during the day.

Sleep disorders in children are of two types. The first type of disorders are a result of an immature nervous system and the second type are behavioural in origin with no problems in the nervous system.

A faulty nervous system

These disorders result from an immature nervous system:

• Narcolepsy, or excessive sleep.
• Sleep walking and sleep talking.
• Bed wetting [nocturnal enuresis].
• Sleep apnoea, characterised by snoring and a temporary stoppage of breathing in sleep due to the collapsing of the air passages.
• Confused arousals, where the child wakes up, is disoriented, looks lost and then goes back to sleep.
• Sleep terrors, which occur between the ages of three and eight and where the child sits up and screams in fear, and takes a long time to go back to sleep, and eventually has no recollection of the episode in the morning.
• Teeth grinding, which is considered a form of stress release in sleep.

These conditions usually need the intervention of a doctor to rule out any major neurological problem.

Behavioural issues

Behavioural or secondary sleep disturbances are more common and are often due to psychological reasons such as stress. The child either cannot fall asleep or is unable to sleep well. Many children get into the habit of needing some support or prop to fall asleep. This might take the form of a bedtime story, a feeding bottle, thumb sucking, rocking, or a lullaby, and might find it difficult to fall asleep in the absence of these stimuli. If they wake sometime in the night, they need the same support to go back to sleep. Also, children have a memory of the ambient conditions like lighting and noise levels when they fall asleep. When they accidentally wake up in the night, the absence of the same conditions of sound or light disturb them and prevent them from falling asleep again. Fear of darkness is another reason for sleeplessness in children. A child who has been trained to fall asleep on his own, and has learnt self-soothing behaviour without an external support system is often able to go back to sleep, even if she wakes up in the night.

Habitual awakening

Many children under the age of two or three years get into the habit of waking up in the night for no obvious reason. They refuse feeding and keep crying till they are picked up and rocked or carried around. They fall asleep when the parents fuss over them, only to wake up after a couple of hours. This is more common in children of working women, where the child knows that the mother will not be available to her in the morning. So she tries to extract the maximum amount of time, physicalcontact, love and affection from the mother at night. While the child never suffers, the parents are left tired and groggy the next day, finding it difficult to concentrate at work.

What to do: When the child wakes up again and again, ignore. Let her cry for a few days, so that she realises the futility of waking up, and slowly stops this habit. The same is true for those who are fed at night. They wake up as there is an incentive, in the form of breast or bottle feeding. This practice distresses the mother and can only be solved by stopping the feeding, letting the child cry and learn that there is nothing to be gained by waking up. A child does need to be fed at night till she is one year old. But beyond her first birthday, parents can safely discontinue night time feeds. Many parents are advised to voluntarily wake up such children at regular intervals, so that children do not develop their own waking time. Gradually, the time interval between waking up the child is prolonged. Eventually, the child never develops any pattern and learns to sleep for long.

In the first three or four months of life, a big reason for sleep problems is infantile colic, where the child wakes up frequently or refuses to go to sleep because of colic and stomach pain. This condition can be treated with medicines and goes away by the age of three or four months.

Sleep deprivation

Sleep deprivation is becoming a common problem even among children, as a result of spending too much time watching television, studying, socialising, and playing on the computer. They need 12-hours of sleep but get only six or seven hours. This leads to irritability, inattention, restlessness, poor scholastic performance and eating disorders.

What to do: Parents should recognise the need for good sleep and ensure that the children get at least 9 – 10 hours of sleep every night. Ideally, a child should go to sleep when he is sleepy and should wake up on his own, in the morning. This is how nature intended us to be. But the modern day academic and social pressures ensure that many older children today are sleep deprived, to varying levels. This deprivation has serious short- and long-term consequences and must be avoided at all costs. Long-term sleep deprivation can precipitate many lifestyle diseases like obesity, hypertension, diabetes, psychological disorders and even some form of cancers. Parents and children should take sleep seriously. Many other activities may safely be cut out, to make time for sleep, and not the other way around.

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