When Samantha met me for our first session, she said:

“I hate letting people down. I tend to take on far more than I can handle. But I want to be someone who excels in the tasks at work and home. This is creating problems for my work-life balance as I simply don’t know when and how to stop. I find myself annoyed and exhausted as a result.”

We can burn out pretty quickly if we don’t set clear and firm boundaries for ourselves. I find this is particularly true for mothers, business owners or anyone who is working with ‘babies’—literal of figurative responsibilities or projects that need nurturing and attention.

Here’s what you should be doing to create boundaries that respect your being.

Get clear about your priorities

In my coaching programme and workshops, I invite participants to work on an exercise called ‘Your True North’. They look at their life from an aerial perspective and then break this down into short-term goals. Some questions that help them determine their True North are: what needs to be accomplished and experienced before they die? What legacy do they want to leave behind in their personal and professional lives? This exercise gives them crystal clarity about what’s important and what’s not. If a mother is busy with work and children, she doesn’t have to volunteer with the PTA. From this clarity about priorities, we can move onto the next step.

Say no

When we know exactly what’s important in the larger scheme of things, we can easily say no to events, people and opportunities that don’t align with our True North and life goals. I recommend learning the art of saying no. Let ‘No’ be a complete sentence. Say it without apologies, explanations or justifications. Sometimes we get caught up in trying to defend or over-explain our feelings and decisions. It’s OK to be gentle yet firm and direct. Repeat yourself if faced with resistance or criticism.

Remember these words by Gemma Stone: “Saying no to what deeply doesn’t matter means you say yes to what does.”

Create inner boundaries with morning rituals

According to Ayurveda, mornings from 4am to 10am are like spring season, setting us up for the vitality and creativity needed for the summer [which lasts from 10am to 4pm]. Creating morning me-time rituals can help significantly in setting clear intentions and moving our energy forward with clarity and focus. This time allows us to connect with our inner self and our boundaries. These rituals don’t have to be complicated or time-consuming. Writing in your journal, a 10-minute meditation, a short walk, reading some affirmations, a quick dance, a cup of tea or coffee enjoyed leisurely are some examples. Tune in to see what practice you need to centre yourself and prepare emotionally, mentally and energetically for the day to come. This will help with prioritising and setting boundaries.

Tune into feelings and bodily sensations

Shakira wasn’t joking when she sang “hips don’t lie”. In fact our entire body serves as a navigational mechanism that can steer us clear of unhealthy, toxic people and experiences. While our mind might rationalise having our boundaries encroached upon, our body will not entertain any such breaches. I ask my clients to use this faithful, powerful ally when making decisions. Through our bodily sensations we can tell if our boundaries are being trespassed. When an opportunity, task or conversation comes up, how does your body react? Does it feel tight, contracted, heavy? Or does it feel light and expansive? Another technique is to feel the end result as if it has become a reality right now. How does that feel in the heart, body and mind? If it feels uncomfortable you probably need to protect your boundaries now.

Speak your truth with authenticity and power

Our words are powerful tools to relay our boundaries to others. We might be very good at setting inner boundaries as discussed in point number three but unless we come across with clarity and power at the time of conversation, our words are of no use. Disempowering words and expressions such as “Does that makes sense?”, “Kind of”, or the use of undermining qualifiers as we communicate our needs and boundaries result in us being taken less seriously. It’s important to be able to communicate clearly, authentically and powerfully both at home and at work. Start practising at home by yourself and keep these words by Frank Outlaw in mind:

“Watch your thoughts, they become words;

watch your words, they become actions;

watch your actions, they become habits;

watch your habits, they become character;

watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

Building healthy boundaries is not something we’re taught as children at home or in school. It’s an acquired life skill that is as important as budgeting or taking care of our health. As we learn this skill and get better at standing up for ourselves, we find more joy and vitality available to us in our daily life.

In which area of your life do you need to create healthier boundaries for yourself?

The post To Prevent Burnout, Set Clear Boundaries appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

This site reminded me of my experience with veganism five years ago.

After being diagnosed with massive uterine fibroids, I went on an exploration of alternative medicine, which included ayurveda, iridology, reiki, acupuncture, reflexology and many more. Each modality helped me understand the many aspects of holistic health. Then I met a homoeopath in Auroville who also happened to be an ardent vegan. Homoeopathy was a system of medicine I was eager to explore, so I immediately booked a session. However, our session ended up being a spiel about animal cruelty and the need for me to turn vegan. Already an animal-lover and a vegetarian, I felt awfully guilty after this discussion and decided to turn vegan immediately.

It was the worst decision I ever made.

My condition worsened as I immediately lost lots of weight and began experiencing exhaustion and adrenal fatigue. Additionally, I was consuming large amounts of soy products—the main alternative to dairy for all vegans—which is a huge hormone disruptor, if consumed in excess. I learnt much later that soy milk, blocks of tofu, tofu noodles and other processed soy products should be completely avoided by women with fibroids.

What’s right for you may be wrong for another

Since then I’ve coached and conducted workshops for hundreds of women and have arrived at one resounding conclusion: we are all different. The concept that guides my work is called bio-individuality. Bio-individuality is based on the fact that when it comes to food, there is no one-size-fits-all. We are all unique and have highly individualised nutritional requirements.

Here are just some things to consider before deciding on the right diet for a person:

• Anatomy
• Metabolism
• Body composition
• Cellular structure
• Ancestry
• Age
• Gender
• Occupation
• Lifestyle

I have clients whose meal plans include white bread, bone marrow and cheese, and others who thrive on raw vegan fare. But this isn’t something I decide for them: we arrive at these conclusions upon carefully and patiently observing the body’s health and energy after consuming different kinds of food as well as understanding their very unique body/mind/lifestyle composition.

It’s true: One person’s food can be another person’s poison.

Being tolerant of other’s food choices does not make me an animal hater

Let me be clear here that when I propagate bio-individuality, I’m not standing for animal cruelty. I donate to animal shelters, participate in events that raise awareness about factory farming and personally believe that most people on this planet are likely consuming more protein than is needed by their body [especially in America]. But I don’t believe in using guilt, fear or any other scare tactic in changing people’s eating habits. This is akin to religious fundamentalism, whose followers—blindly married to their beliefs—are willing to commit any or all crimes to further their propaganda.

So how do we decide what’s the best food plan for us?

It helps to work with a health coach or nutrition expert who is willing and open to working with your individual nutrition needs. Here are some of my tips:

Trust your body’s intelligence

We try and override our body’s intelligence by intellectually deciding what to eat. Instead, we need to get better at simply listening to and observing our body’s signals. Energy and mood are great markers for whether a certain diet is working or not. Our bones, skin, hair, nails and whites of eyes will indicate the health of our internal organs. Try eliminating certain foods from your diet for a few weeks to see how you feel without them.

Harmonise with the seasons

Spring and summer are seasons when the body naturally detoxifies. It’s the perfect time to embark on a vegan, vegetarian or raw food diet. Nature provides us an abundant bounty of foods that are light, uplifting and cleansing during this time. Similarly, during autumn and winter, our body starts to prepare for the colder months and craves fatty, creamy, heavier foods. This is a good time to eat a high-protein, high-fat diet as these foods are more readily available then.

Always know the source

For most of our settled history, human beings have raised and consumed animals. Our ancestry plays a big role in deciding whether or not a vegan or vegetarian diet is appropriate. There is, however, a stark difference between ancestral and modern-day consumption—and that difference is reverence. Traditional cultures [such as that of the Native Americans] held special rituals during October’s harvest season, thanking their brothers from the animal kingdom that would be hunted down in the months to come. In India, the sacred cow was raised on the farm, fertilising our crops, sharing our labour, providing milk for the family. We have lost this connection with our animal brethren and that is the worrisome part about animal consumption. We don’t know and we don’t care: an attitude that is turning out to be dangerous for our bodies as well as our environment. Pasture-raised animals that are treated humanely will nourish us very differently than commercially-raised animals that have been abused and fed antibiotics and GMO feed.

Like all relationships, our bond with our body becomes deeply rewarding and nourishing when we learn to truly listen: with an open and curious mind and without judgement or pre-conceived notions. When we make space for that communion, we can experience what John Muir explains eloquently: “The sun shines not on us but in us. The rivers flow not past, but through us, thrilling, tingling, vibrating every fibre and cell of the substance of our bodies, making them glide and sing.”

The post Going Vegan: The worst decision I ever made appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

As I slowly became aware of the indiscriminate words that I spoke every waking moment [and preceding that, the thoughts I contemplated in my head] I realised how much power each individual is blessed with. My words were literally shaping my life and until now, I’d never paid much attention to them. The second agreement ‘Don’t make assumptions’ tied in perfectly with the first. After that, I stopped assuming what people were implying when they spoke to me. What they said is what I heard and took to be true. This relieved me of a lot of internal chatter. Also, I stopped assuming that my words were being interpreted differently by others. I just dropped all assumptions.

Almost immediately life became simpler, more liberating and peaceful. I realised most of the noise wasn’t coming from outside but from my own busy, assuming, judging, misinterpreting mind.

Frank Outlaw said: “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”

Words shape reality: present and future. Unfortunately, we’ve picked up our vocabulary from caregivers who didn’t know any better: parents, relatives, teachers and priests, who were limited by their own fears, judgements and self-limiting beliefs. When we hear the same words repeatedly— “You’re stupid”, “You’re always sick”, “Your artwork is awful”, “Girls can’t do that”, “Men don’t cry”—we end up internalising them such that these words become our core beliefs. These beliefs then shape every decision we make in our personal and professional lives.

The good news [there’s always good news!] is that it doesn’t take much to turn our life around and revamp our vocabulary to one that aligns with our authentic self. All it takes is a little self-awareness and lot of self-love and we’re as good as new!

Here are some words and phrases that, once released, can bring joy, vitality and goodness in our lives:

“Should”

A Zen teacher and dear friend once told me, “You shouldn’t should anything!” Since then, ‘should’ has almost completely evaporated from my vocabulary. ‘Should’ seems to be a package deal that comes with feelings of guilt, obligation and fear. ‘Should’ feels like a heavy burden we lug around and releasing it from our vocabulary relieves us of a lot of unnecessary heaviness.

“But”

‘Buts’ are a huge problem in our world today. They paralyse us into believing that we are powerless and choiceless. ‘But’ often gets in the way of our personal greatness. “I’d like to try that workout but…”, “I want to ask for that raise but…”

‘But’ gives us the perfect excuse to talk ourselves out of opportunities for self-growth. We stay stagnant, procrastinating and weak, thanks to this word.

“Yes” / “No”

‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are two edges of the same sword. For people pleasers, saying ‘No’ is a problem. On the other hand, for people guided by fear, saying ‘Yes’ is the challenge. Which one are you? Are you someone who needs to define boundaries, identify when enough is enough and say “No”? Or are you one of those people who never says “Yes” to new opportunities, adventures and relationships because you’re too jaded or scared? A wise person maintains a balance of these two words in his vocabulary.

“Have to…”

Close on the heels of ‘should’ is ‘have to’. Like a huge rock that blocks the flow of a river, ‘Have to’ cuts us off from our natural intuitive guidance. “My body needs some rest but I have to do the laundry”; “I want to be alone but I have to attend this social event.” ‘Have to’ is probably the most counter-intuitive expression in our vocabulary and the sooner we eliminate it, the more we can truly live and enjoy life.

“Words of gossip”

As spiritual beings we understand that everything is made of energy—our thoughts, our words, our actions, our environment. When we use our energy to slander, demean or gossip about someone, we fail to realise that the real damage is happening to us! These thoughts and words emanate from within us and damage us way before they reach the intended target. Gossip is a kind of emotional poison that destroys our wellbeing and that of others. It serves no one and creates an unhealthy, toxic environment around us.

“Don’t”

When we limit or instruct someone else from living their heart’s desire [whether it feels right to us or not] we are limiting our own dreams too. ‘Don’t’ is one of those words we grew up on [“Don’t climb that tree”, “Don’t wear that dress”, “Don’t laugh so loud”]. As children we felt crushed, disappointed and caged by “don’t” and yet as adults we find ourselves using the same words to limit our loved ones: children that want to explore, partners and spouses that want to be spontaneous and adventurous, colleagues and employees that want to take risks. Even more damaging is the inner voice that screams ‘Don’t’ every time we want to step out of our comfort zone.

I am sure you can identify and add a few of your own self-limiting and self-defeating words to this list. All you need to remember is that our words lead the way to a life of creativity, joy, laughter and love.

Which ones are you choosing today?

The post Words shape reality: These words deserve to be thrown out appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

There is a thin line between living an informed life and a paranoid one. This article’s purpose is not to stress or overwhelm you. Instead it is an invitation to become aware of some important facts, so that you can make informed choices for yourself and your loved ones.

We’ve been ‘lead’ astray

According to World Health Organization, 1.2 crore people are overexposed to lead and 99 per cent of the most serious cases are in the developing world. So what does lead exposure do? Lead is absorbed directly into the bloodstream, causing, serious damage to the brain, kidneys and nerves. Lead exposure has also been linked to learning disabilities and behavioural problems. Children are more at risk because of their constant contact with lead-based products, from walls to toys to playground equipment.

So what do you do?

• Get yourself and your family tested for lead and other heavy metals.
• Use lead-free paints whenever possible.
• Increase your consumption of foods rich in calcium and iron. This will help offset some of the damage caused from lead exposure.
• Spread the word so more people are informed and demand safer paint options as consumers.

Bye, bye plastic bottles. Hello stainless steel and glass

Most plastic bottles are made of phthalates and BPA, toxic substances that leech from the bottle into the water, juice or other liquid it contains. BPA has been associated with certain types of cancers, diabetes, fertility issues, and developmental concerns. Research is finding that BPA-free plastic also might cause harm to the body.

So what do you do?

• Stainless steel or glass bottles and jugs are healthier alternatives. They are good for the family, and because of their easy recyclability, they are great for the planet too.
• Another perk of stainless steel bottles? They keep water cool and refreshing in the warm summer months without refrigeration!

Take a peek under that kitchen sink

Most household cleaning products come laden with toxic chemicals and xenon-oestrogens. The latter are particularly harmful to women and can cause severe hormone disruptions.

So what do you do?

• Some of the most effective household cleaning ingredients come in very harmless forms! Mix some vodka with eucalyptus oil and you have a bug spray, kitchen stove cleaner and air-freshener.
• Mix some baking soda and vinegar together to clean your toilets and kitchen sink.
• Use olive oil and lemon to keep your wood furniture clean and shining.
• Hydrogen peroxide mixed with hot water makes for a great floor cleaner.

Better still, call your grandparents and ask for tips. They lived a far more eco-friendly life than us.

Au Naturel is the latest beauty trend

Most bath and beauty products available in the market today are laden with sulphates, parabens and a host of other harmful ingredients. Almost 60 per cent of these are directly absorbed by our skin and enter the bloodstream without any filtration by the liver. Lead in lipsticks is known to cause neurological problems, blood disorders and depression. Toxic metals such as aluminium are widely used in deodorants and have oestrogen-like effects, disrupting the function of the endocrine system. Phthalates, the synthetic fragrances in shampoos and lotions are linked to hormone disruption.

So what do you do?

• Check out the ingredient list on the product. Anything you can’t pronounce? Maybe its time to move to simpler products.
• Baking soda and orange juice makes a great face mask.
• Honey, lemon and turmeric is a great cleanser.
• If you have to use packaged products look for organic options and always check the ingredient list to see what’s really in there.

Be a tree-hugger. Print less.

Honestly, paper usage has no direct impact on our health. And yet we have to just look around us to realise the effects of global warming and a receding green cover. Although technology has significantly reduced our need to print, there are times when hard copies of documents are required.

So what do you do?

• Look for printing paper that is made of recycled paper [at least partially].
• If you’re using paper for personal use, then use the blank side of old printouts lying around the home or office.
• Look for recycling options or donate your old books to local libraries. Spread some bookworm love and save the earth.

Finally, vote with your money

We often underestimate our power as consumers. India is the twelfth largest consumer market in the world. That means, our individual and collective consumption decisions can have a large impact on what the markets make available.

So what do you do?

• If you’re an animal rights advocate, ask for cruelty-free products.
• Think big corporations are evil? Frequent local, mom-and-pop stores, boutiques and restaurants.
• Wish your grocery store sold organic produce? Get your friends to make phone calls to the store till they stock up on the stuff.

Being conscious, responsible consumers is probably the most empowering thing we can do. It affects our own health and has a huge impact on the environment. Wherever we live, from a high-rise in Mumbai to a tree-house in Sweden, we all really have just one home and one mother: our beautiful, magical planet. When we commit to take better care of it, we end up benefiting in the process.

The post Practical tips for living eco-friendly appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

What’s on your plate?

Foods affect our emotional and psychological health more than we’ve been led to believe. Certain foods spike our blood sugar levels, making heavy demands on our adrenals, and consequently causing stress. Stress-inducing foods include stimulants such as refined sugar/carbohydrates, and caffeine; depressants such as alcohol; and excitotoxins that are commonly found in MSG, processed, frozen and diet foods. High sodium foods also cause stress in the body. Are you consuming any of these foods in excess?

On the other hand are foods that help us stay calm, centred and light. Vegetables that grow under the earth, such as sweet potatoes, turnips, beets, are grounding and calming. Leafy greens and fruits that reach for the sky provide a sense of lightness and creativity when consumed. Water is also an excellent conduit of calmness.

Next time you eat a meal, notice how you feel a few hours later, and the next day. Your stress levels will tell you right away whether a certain food is serving you well or not. Experiment with this and pretty soon, you will have devised your own, very successful diet plan.

Do you live a life of gratitude?

The attitude of gratitude is a surprisingly powerful stress-buster. I witness this often with my clients. One of them called Leena was doing very well till her husband got laid off from work. Worried about their home mortgage and finances, her sleep and eating patterns went completely awry. Overwhelmed and exhausted, she was beginning to feel helpless and depressed. For our next session, along with other recommendations, I gifted her a pocket-sized journal. As she looked at me quizzically I said to her, “It’s time to focus on what you’ve got, Leena. Everyday for a month, I want you to write one thing that you’re grateful for.” She looked at me as if I’d asked her to slay a dragon. “But I don’t know how…” she whispered. “Just one thing,” I said. Two weeks later she returned for our session and before we even got started she pulled out her journal and nodded. I opened it and there page after page, were words of gratitude. “I’m grateful I have eyes to see”, “I have more clothes than I need!”, “I have the love and support of my family”, “The view from my home is to die for”, “My cats bring me so much joy”.

Day after day, Leena had focused on what was well, what was working. She became aware of the abundance she lived in. While her external situation remained unchanged, she was able to control how she responded to it. This attitude greatly improved her physical and emotional health through this difficult time.

Studies carried out at the University of California showed that people who feel gratitude regularly have better immunity, and have lower risk of heart attacks and neuro-muscular disorders. They also report better sleep and less anxiety and depression.

If this idea resonates with you, then try writing down three things you are grateful for every night before you sleep. Notice how you feel a week after giving gratitude? How do you feel after a month?

Do some unexpressed emotions need venting?

Unexpressed emotions are often at the root of a stressful existence. We lug these unresolved, unexpressed emotions around and wonder why we’re feeling heavy! Releasing these pent-up emotions is a subjective process and depends on the individual’s needs and situation. Journaling is a powerful tool to release and understand what is really going on deep within us.

In her book, The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron recommends doing ‘the early morning pages’ and describes them thus: “There’s a time every morning when we are half awake, half asleep and not quite fully conscious. At those moments, we have access to our unconscious mind and our inner workings. But like dew on the morning grass, it will soon be gone without a trace. Listening to these tender morning wisps allows us to reach into our inner world, the deeper part of ourselves that helps guide us on our path of transformation.”

So get a journal, keep it by your bedside and let it be the best friend you confide everything in. Notice if you feel lighter or calmer after journaling for a few consecutive days.

Are you fully exploring your creativity?

We are all unique beings who bring different gifts to the world. Unfortunately, the demands of daily life prevent us from tapping into our true potential and creativity. When our authentic self is suppressed, we might experience stress as a result. Another technique to release stress is to channel our energy into creative pursuits. In your spare time, bring home some paints and a canvas, take up dancing or foreign language classes, explore your photography skills outdoors, try your hand at Vietnamese cooking, or simply sing your heart out at karaoke every evening. When we channelise our pent-up energies we find a sense of calm and peace that was inaccessible to us before. Although we all have different creative inclinations, I highly recommend creative pursuits that engage the body such as dancing, gardening or carpentry. Given our sedentary lifestyle, working with our body’s energy helps release blockages there as well.

Are you in need of ME [Meditation and Exercise] time?

Me-time or solo-time is often undervalued as a tool for stress-relief. Being on our own helps us tap into our inner reservoir of energy, love and enthusiasm. It helps us reflect on our life and the direction we want it to take. It gives us precious moments to appreciate all that we have and set intentions for what we want to have, do or become. Me-time helps us develop a strong relationship with ourselves, and as a result, with the rest of the world. In my opinion, there is no better way to beat stress than to spend some time alone.

Me-time can also lead very quickly to moments of deep meditation and bliss. Once again different meditative techniques are suited for different individuals and we must explore a variety to see which one clicks. Active meditations are great for people leading sedentary lives and have stress at work/home while still meditations such as vipassana work well for the hyperactive, physically stressed individuals.

Exercise is another stress-buster and one that our busy lives prevent us from exploring fully. We can hold a lot of stress in our bodies and exercising helps us release that. One reason people shy away from exercising is that they haven’t found the one activity that is enjoyable. Maybe working out in the gym is not your thing, but Zumba is? Perhaps you want to learn T’ai chi instead of Pilates. Explore a bunch of activities to touch upon the one that works for you.

So there you have it. Which of these questions resonated with you? Did you find yourself naturally drawn to some of the recommendations? We encourage you to pick one or two suggestions and pursue them for two – four weeks. Notice how you feel afterwards. If they work, continue them and if not, move onto the other recommendations. In a month or so you will have identified the causes of stress in your life and the tools to eliminate them. And you will have no one to thank but yourself!

The post Too much stress? Answer these 5 questions appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.