Can’t live without my smartphone

During the time my smartphone was off, I would feel what is sometimes referred to as the ‘phantom vibrate’, a false sensation that my cell phone had vibrated when it had obviously not. I longed desperately to communicate with the outside world, and after receiving the ‘go-ahead’ from the pilot, I would desperately power up my smartphone. It felt like ages, as I would anxiously wait to receive all impending text messages, emails and notifications. My pupils would dilate from excitement as the device came to life. I would immediately FaceTime with friends and family, informing them of my safe arrival in Los Angeles, update my Facebook status with a check-in at LAX and answer any work emails with supreme urgency.

During the time my smartphone was off, I would feel what is sometimes referred to as the ‘phantom vibrate’

It’s a hopeful scenario I often imagine, especially now, when I am looking to break free from our technology-driven society. Walking down a crowded city street, my eardrums are filled with the incessant sound of cell phones ringing, buzzing, chiming, whistling and whatever else we programme them to do.

As mobile devices continue to evolve, so does the need to elicit constant communication. But is the ability to effortlessly and instantly communicate with others causing more harm than good?

Communication without expression

Scientists argue that excessive use of communications technology among the teens is leading to a lack of personal expression, which in turn will lead these ‘digital natives’—a generation raised around computers—to struggle with reading body language and facial expressions as adults.

Is the ability to effortlessly and instantly communicate with others causing more harm than good?

Who’s to say the grown-ups aren’t as much the culprit as the youngsters in this case? Most adults not only rely on tablets and mobile devices to occupy their children, they also set negative examples when it comes to inappropriate cell phone usage.

Texting while driving and while crossing the street is a growing trend that is quickly becoming one of the leading causes of death. And the National Highway Transportation Safety Administration has reported that texting can increase the likelihood of a crash by up to 23 times.

I’ve had my fair share of scares, and though I know the danger it presents, I still feel the urge to text my friends and even surf the Web while in motion. Over time, I’ve learned to keep my cell phone in the back seat and out of reach while in the car, as a means of stopping all impulses to check a text message, make a phone call or take a picture of something worth sharing. The truth is, cell phone use is a bad habit that is not only taking lives. It’s taking away from our lives.

Texting while driving and while crossing the street is a growing trend that is quickly becoming one of the leading causes of death

No more Candy Crush Saga

One of the greatest New Year’s resolutions I ever made was in 2014. It involved deleting the Candy Crush Saga app from my phone. Addicted to playing the game, I would separate myself from social situations by refusing to participate in the conversations going on around me. I was unaware of how socially awkward I had become until one afternoon while visiting family. After being asked several times to put my cell phone down and mingle, I knew I had a problem. That evening, I uninstalled the app and have yet to reactivate it.

By the end of the following week, I began to see just how much better life without Candy Crush could be, and before long, I didn’t even miss it. With this in mind, I refrain from downloading similar applications to my device today and follow several easy steps to overcoming addiction; the obvious being: leaving the phone at home.

I know you’re probably thinking, “What happens if there’s an emergency?” A great question and a problem I actually encountered once when I was at dinner on vacation in Washington, D.C. Not knowing that I had purposely left my smartphone charging in the hotel, my mother tried calling several times to tell me that my grandfather had passed. Though unfortunate to hear such news, I was lucky enough to be out with someone who had his phone on him. From then on out, I vowed to always make sure that at least one member of my party would have a phone on him or her at all times in case of an emergency.

One of the greatest New Year’s resolutions I ever made involved deleting the Candy Crush Saga app from my phone

Break off the habit

If alone and still trying to ditch the distractions, I suggest putting your phone on silent, turning off your data, or keeping it out of sight and away from your side such as in a desk drawer while at work or on the charger once home. All of these alternatives get the job done just fine when I’m looking to rid myself of senseless technology for a few minutes, a few hours or even for the entire day.

An avid concert-goer in my youth, I would spend the majority of each performance capturing footage on my cell phone. Later on, I’d waste hours adding the blurry photos and incoherent videos to my Facebook timeline. As if anyone really cared. Now that I am older, I leave the phone at home, live for the moment and enjoy the show. Whatever it takes to become less socially awkward. I consider myself lucky because most people deny or fail to realise they’ve fallen victim to this addiction.

Although work can sometimes make it impossible not to answer text messages or emails while dining out, I’ve witnessed entire tables of friends and families playing quietly on their phones instead of engaging in real-life conversations. We don’t even think how this anti-social behaviour affects the lives of people around us.

Smartphone addiction and the destruction it can cause plague many lives today. It is our duty, both as friends and as citizens, to put a stop to it. If asked to abandon your smartphone entirely, even for a day, could you? If the answer is still a “no,” hopefully you’ll one day come to your senses and reconsider. Perhaps, like me, you’ll find it to be one of the best decisions you’ve ever made.

A version of this article was first published in the April 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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No matter what their position in the family lineage, everyone has qualms about where they fall in the order of things. For the oldest, it’s having the strictest rules, for the middle child, it’s the desperate fight for attention, and for the youngest, it’s the dreaded hand-me-downs that make life seem so unfair.

Baby in red

You need to only flip through the pages of a Zakrzewski family photo album to find evidence of various examples of the ‘third-hand’ clothing I speak of. What appears at first glance to be different poses of the same baby dressed on Christmas day is actually a set of three separate photos taken across the years of each sister in the same terrycloth pyjama suit with booties and a matching red cap. Though it may seem cute to any outsider, this agonising wardrobe repetition wore on as the years continued, making me feel just a bit less colourful and wee less fortunate than the rest. I found it extremely difficult to express myself wearing the clothes that I did not, in fact, select off the store shelves.

Nevertheless, I had a happy childhood and understood the struggles of my parents to provide their daughters with nothing but the best. I accepted my lack of personal expression and, as time passed, quickly realised the reasons for their thriftiness. My father worked plenty of long hours to ensure my mom could stay at home with his girls. And that she did: for 12 years.

The short end of the stick

Being the youngest was a double-edged sword in many ways, I learned from my sisters’ mistakes, but as the last of three, I barely received a pat on the back for succeeding in anything remotely major. Being inducted into academic honour societies, making the varsity basketball team, or passing my driver’s test, nothing earned me much attention because it had all been done before.

To make up for lost ground, I did my best to achieve everything above and beyond what they had already accomplished. I spent extra hours studying in high school and college, doubled my efforts practising sports, and pitched in more around the house. Sometimes, it paid off—literally [on the sly, my mom would slip me an extra five dollars allowance each week for doing additional chores]—but most times it went completely unnoticed.

Battle for number one

Now that we’re adults, the pressure is on, more than ever, to be my parents’ favourite. Although none of us will admit it, each of us feels a tinge of jealousy when the other is praised, rewarded or acknowledged for her efforts—typical sibling rivalry.

For his own amusement, my father plays into this competition. When one of us gets even an inch ahead in his book—whether for mowing the lawn, grabbing him a drink or giving an unsolicited hug—he playfully teases the others, claiming that daughter will receive 34 per cent of his will.

I give credit to my dad for sharing the same house with four females for a whopping 25 years. In the afternoons and on weekends, I felt it was my daughterly duty to fulfil the role of a son by playing catch, helping with physical housework, going on fishing trips and more. It’s the most I could do for a man who sacrificed so much to give me the things he didn’t always have while he was growing up.

The reality

Whether I get that extra one per cent or not for my efforts—mind you, I couldn’t care less. Either way—I guess I have to admit it’s not all that bad being the baby. Growing up, how else would I have convinced my parents to slightly bend the rules—like letting me stay out one hour past curfew—and who else’s mistakes and triumphs would I have learned from?

Sure, being the ‘runt’ of the ‘litter’ had its downsides, like constantly being picked on and compared to the girls who came before me both in school and at home, but things could have been worse. At the end of the day, I could have no siblings at all. Then where would I be? I’d still be the baby, but I wouldn’t have someone else’s faults to learn from, someone else to talk to when lonely, and most importantly, I wouldn’t have the satisfaction of competing for the title of ‘favourite’. And—I almost forgot—if it weren’t for me, the middle child would no longer have an opportunity to whine about being the middle child!

In the long run, while I may be the tallest, I’ll always be at the bottom of the totem pole… and that’s right where I want to be.

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An inspiration to all

Everyone who knows Carissa has at least one of these stories of her kindness to tell. And even while battling cancer, she continues to provide inspirational tales that others can’t help but share.

Though at first she was hesitant to admit the difficulty of her struggles, Carissa eventually disclosed her diagnosis. The seemingly healthy 25-year-old shocked her family, friends and colleagues when they learned that doctors had detected cervical cancer in March of 2013. Within months, the cancer cells had spread to one of her ovaries, and by late October, a bone marrow biopsy and blood test revealed Stage 2 non-Hodgkin lymphoma.

Carissa looked toward her friends and family for motivation to keep on fighting, knowing they’d be by her side. Today, she finds devoting time and energy to others as the strongest way of coping with cancer.

A devoted teacher

She spent last year teaching six courses a day to high school students with behavioural issues in Roselle, N.J., she’s also acted as adviser to the school’s graduating class and coached its varsity girls’ basketball team through nearly a dozen games and countless practices. “Throughout all of her hardships, she’s been there for her basketball players and students,” says Amy, who met the vivacious brunette in elementary school.

In between all of her doctors’ appointments, surgeries and treatments, Carissa has served as a caring math and science teacher, devoted coach, loving friend and understanding role model to the students in her school.

Her students are a group of disadvantaged teenagers who seldom hear words of encouragement at home. They are often raised by one parent or an extended family member in dangerous neighbourhoods.

When not teaching, Carissa makes it her full-time job to love and support her students in their own parents’ absences. “I have to maintain my persona and be who I am. There are a lot of people in this world who count on me,” she says. Outside of the classroom, Carissa cheers her students on at award banquets, drives them to and from practices in the frigid winter months and provides everyday examples of respect.

Jamie, a friend to Carissa since age four, notes, “She is very spontaneous in her giving back, and no matter how hard things may seem she’s always smiling.”

Carissa beamed at the sight of her female students during graduation this past June, because many of them were the first in their families to graduate high school. They stood proud in the business-casual shirts and pants Carissa had donated to them earlier in the day. That moment, witnessing her impact on the students who shot smiles her way, made an entire school year filled with pain, fatigue and nausea, worthwhile for Carissa. “You’ve got to push yourself as much as you can because, in the long run, the things you enjoy in life are what keep you alive,” she says.

After undergoing a nerve-wracking 14-hour surgery at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital in New Brunswick, N.J., Carissa pushed herself to return to school as quickly as possible. On her first day back, she was met in the hallways by students wearing teal ribbons in her honour. She smiled on the outside, but struggled internally to move on with a life she knew would never be the same. “I always knew in my heart I was strong enough to fight a battle, but my dream in life was to be a mom. When that was taken from me, that was the hardest thing to accept,” shares Carissa, who lost one ovary and the portion of her cervix showing cancerous cells.

She cried for days on her mother’s shoulder following the news from her doctors. “She’s the one woman in the world I know would take my place if she could,” says Carissa of her mom. “She always wants to be there and there’s nothing more important to me.”

Cancer won’t keep her down

Like her own mother, this same sense of caring lies within Carissa. An adopted parent to her students, she goes above and beyond to protect, nurture and comfort them. Her dream of having a child no longer a possibility, she’s found even greater reasons to fight cancer: the chance to raise a Maltese puppy named Niko, change the lives of a new group of students come September and make memories with the friends and family around her.

“She’s an incredible inspiration; her persistence, her perseverance,” says Jamie. “Even when she is completely down, Carissa always finds something to keep her a little above. She will overcome.”

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