When running an errand for his wife, a man asks her the address of their dry-cleaners. “Just adjacent to your favourite shirt shop, darling. It’s the shop in front of which you always park your car,” she replies. Sounds familiar?

Do you also have your own version of the dry cleaners?

When you realise it, are you genuinely surprised at your oversight? Do you feel that you should have noticed the dry-cleaners, or do you brush away the omission thinking, ‘No one can possibly see everything’?

Technically speaking, you have seen the dry-cleaners countless times. You must have—it has always been there. Only, you were not aware of its existence until someone brought it to your notice. This means you saw it without really ‘seeing’ it.

Notice, don’t just see

We ‘see’ many things without really ‘seeing’ them. In the earlier example, the location of the dry-cleaners’ shop failed to register in the man’s mind. But sometimes we believe we have ‘seen’ something, when in truth, we fail to appreciate what we have seen because it never enters our conscious mind. The following example may throw some light on the whys and hows of it.

Everyday on his way to work Mr X walked past a tree that stood outside his apartment block. One windy morning, however, as he walked beneath it, a few colourful autumn leaves fell upon him. He raised his hand to brush them off his shoulder and head. For some strange reason, he grabbed them and looked at the leaves before throwing them on the pavement.

The beauty of each leaf—its colour, pattern and texture—caught his eye. Connecting the leaves to the tree, he gazed up and saw many more such leaves, almost ready to drop. X was filled with wonder at the many branches of the towering tree. “How majestic,” he thought, “and how beautiful it looks in autumn”.

X had seen the tree many times before, but that morning, he felt he was seeing it ‘as if’ for the first time. Describing his experience to a friend, he said he felt as though earlier, the tree had just slipped in and out of focus of his eyes. So while, biologically speaking, he ‘saw’ the tree, his ‘sight’ was limited to his interpretation of the sensory data—it’s only an inconsequential tree. But ‘seeing,’ as X experienced, is actually much more than mere sensory perception.

Bring the world in

When X truly ‘saw’ the tree as if for the first time [and we should add, without the help of another person], it was as though he had adopted what a Buddhist might describe as an attitude of mindfulness [vis-à-vis his earlier state of mindlessness]. X’s seeing the tree involved his full attention, or called him to live completely in the present moment, that is, in the fullness of time. Having paid the tree the attention it deserved, X became aware of that much more beauty around him.

If you think about this, there may be so many things crying out to add meaning [and beauty and much more] to your life-world, if only you would allow them to—by just acknowledging their presence.

Don’t limit your sight

But sadly, we largely live in a state of pre-reflective seeing. We see things and interpret them based on our corporeal being’s [physical self] general involvement with the world. This approach limits our sight. Relating this to X’s example, whenever he registered the tree earlier, he didn’t reflect on it as his mind would automatically [pre-reflectively] brush it aside as an inconsequential tree [as that was the extent of his involvement/relation with the tree].

In Persoon en wereld [Person and world,1953] Van den Berg describes an incident where a man from a remote jungle was suddenly brought into bustling Singapore. The man ‘saw’ planes flying overhead, many shops, skyscrapers, trains and vehicles of all kinds. But later in the day, when the man was asked what had amazed him most, he expressed his wonder on a single person being able to carry so many bananas. The man had ‘seen’ a street vendor pushing a cartful of bananas.

Van den Berg explains that the man [like all of us] really and meaningfully ‘saw’ what belonged and made sense in his personal life-world. The modernity of the city was irrelevant to his world, hence, says Van den Berg, he did not really ‘see’ it.

See things differently

Life would be so much more meaningful if we could enjoy more magical moments of sight. But this in turn, depends on our extending the possibility of our deriving meaning from the world surrounding us. So, what prevents us from doing so?

Psychologists explain that humans largely harbour a mistaken sense of agency that places the ‘seer’ over and above a ‘seen’ [object]. This means that we believe that we [the seer] choose what to see [the seen object] and invariably, one could add, end up seeing very little. In other words, we believe that it is us and not the seen objects that initiate our process of sight. A Dutch professor of psychology Van Lennep has described this as a belief that the seen [object] would [only] passively and unmoved undergo something like attention.

If instead, we could accept the possibility of connecting on an equal footing with the myriad forms of life surrounding us—indeed even supposedly non-living objects like rock formations—our understanding of the process of seeing may change.

See and be seen

Seeing is a two-way process. X might believe that the tree prompted him to pay attention to it, by sending down its leaves. In other words, the tree introduced itself to X. This would amount to X accepting that the tree—the seen object—is capable of connecting, engaging, and conversing with him.

The moment of truly seeing the tree then becomes, as John Berger, a Marxist writer on art expounded in his book Ways of Seeing, “a moment of choosing to look and at the same time a moment of being chosen.” But this can only happen, he further explains, “soon after we can see [the other side]” as “we are [then] aware that we can also be seen.” Until that magical moment transpires, we erroneously and somewhat egoistically believe we are the only seers.

Experience the magic of sight

Children naturally possess a quality that enables them to look for enjoyment in the most mundane of circumstances and objects. A child’s mindset is not rushed. Children are always in the mood to experience newness. Hence, they are able to gape and gawk at what we adults take ‘for granted’—things that neither add nor have the potential to add meaning to our world.

A child’s joie de vive involves being alive [read open] to the possibility of newness, and to accept every morning that the world is changing [not static] and hence full of immense opportunities. This innate belief is what enhances their power of sight, and their ability to constantly add new dimensions to their world.

As an adult, you too can encourage yourself to enhance your power of sight. At least, you will make a conscious effort to do so, if and only if you now see how blind you may have been lately, and determine to use your power of sight in its entirety in future. To quote physicist-philosopher Heinz von Foerster, “If I don’t see I am blind, I am blind; but if I see I am blind, I see.”

The post See things afresh appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

What are pick-me-ups?

Sometimes when we feel drained by mid-morning, having an energy bar pulls us through the next few hours till lunch. The energy bar is your pick-me-up—saviour if you will—as it boosts your physical energy! Pick-me-ups of the mind work likewise.

Why use pick-me-ups?

It is one thing to have a bad start to the day, but it is quite another to have the bad start precipitate a series of unpleasant events. And yet, that is what so often happens. Veena Chakravarthy, psychotherapist, neuropsychologist and counsellor, points out that if you can’t get a grip over your thoughts, particularly, the first negative thought, you can spark off a chain reaction of events with negative connotations, which go on to spoil your entire day [sometimes, even the next couple of days].

Pick-me-ups work over your thoughts to directly influence your emotions and spare you from dwelling in negativity. They thus prevent the mood swing that would have ensued as a result of your thinking unconstructive thoughts.

“What you think determines what you feel and how you behave,” says Parul Tank, psychiatrist at Fortis Hospitals, Mumbai. Pick-me-ups help you reassume a positive stance in a jiffy. As such, it helps you rise to a difficult occasion by changing your emotional state, bringing you back from the depth of moody blues. Then, once you’re feeling stronger in mind, you are in a better position to work on your thoughts.

Instant lifters

Here are a few pick-me-ups to provide you an instant lift:

Take a walk

A brief walk calms a disturbed mind. As you walk, pay attention to objects that catch your fancy; it will take your mind off darker thoughts.

Take some rest

Fatigue can have a dampening effect on your outlook to life. Take a nap to restore your spirits; a healthy mind lives in a well cared for body. It is easier to keep your spirits up when you are well-rested.

Colour your life, literally!

A healthy lifestyle is a great way to colour your life. Another more literal way is to decorate your home and work space with shades that please you, so that you can beat the blues when the weather is gloomy or you think that you have nothing to cheer about.

Hug a friend

Human touch enhances the production of hormones associated with feeling good, growth and immunity. So, the next time you feel let down, find a friend to hug.

Think food

Tease your mind into thinking of the wonderful lunch or dinner you’ll soon be eating. Eating can be a very satisfying and calming experience, and an instant mood changer.

Let aroma do the trick

According to experts, certain essential oils help alter your mood. Try jasmine, eucalyptus, grapefruit essential oils. Dab your temples or your nape with these oils.

Be flowered

The right kind of flowers combines the dual wonders of colour and fragrance. That’s why they are the traditional get-well gift; keep a small bouquet in a vase near you.

Listen to music

Music can restore one’s sense of purpose and happiness. Keep your all-time favourite tracks handy—play them whenever you feel the blues coming on.

Treat yourself

Would a new book, movie, or garment perk you up? Get out there and buy whatever works for you.

Make positive statements, always

Affirmations enhance faith in your abilities and wellbeing. Tank suggests repeating positive statements to yourself even if you don’t entirely believe in their veracity. Chakravarthy also emphasises the value in complimenting others when it is due. After all, it is in giving that we receive.

Start off from a higher note

Instead of just being there, happy one minute and sad the next, pump up your feel good factor so that trivial matters don’t get your down. A healthy lifestyle encompassing a nutritious diet, exercise, positive social interactions, and prayer or meditation to manage stress, will boost you.<?p>

Be in good company

Cheerful, enthusiastic people add value to your life. Associate with people you feel comfortable with and in whose company who feel yourself opening up and real.

Laugh heartily

Share a joke with a friend. Read a comic, watch your favourite sitcom—feel yourself de-stressing.

Enjoy your success

Chakravarthy suggests setting small achievable goals every day so that you frequently experience a sense of accomplishment. Enjoy your success and share it with your family and friends.

Get the better of your mood swings

Moods come and go, fickle as they are. However, some overly-sensitive individuals are more prone to mood swings. Even a certain noise, lighting or colour can upset them. If you also find yourself experiencing too frequent mood swings, try to pin-point the reason.

Does your mood change at a particular time of the day? Are your mood swings related to a sense of feeling inferior to a person around you? Do sad headlines affect you adversely? Does a certain person put you off?

Once you have identified the reason, try to avoid the cause. If that’s not possible, keep pick-me-ups around you to protect you when you are most vulnerable. You should aim to stabilise your emotional state and overall wellbeing. As you gain control over your emotions, you will get the sparkle back in your life.

The post Instant mood boosters appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Has your time come?

In many ways, enthusiasts are not to be blamed for their preoccupation with time, or to be precise, the right time. A person, who has supposedly embarked on some form of spirituality, has opined to the supposedly less fortunate being, “Your time has not yet come.” The proclamation, or should it be called sweeping statement, does not pass without side-effects. I have known of friends and relatives, driven to near desperation on being anointed with this label, remarking in response:

“I have been sitting on the fence for the longest time ever.” “I am interested in spirituality, so when will my time come?” Their musings, somewhat on these lines, bring to mind French poet and writer Victor Hugo’s oft-quoted observation, “Nothing is as powerful as an idea whose time has come.”

Are you ‘really’ a seeker?

Hugo’s words rightly suggest that there is no stopping a being possessed. So if you are possessed with the idea to evolve in the spiritual sense, then it is more likely that you will find the entire universe conspiring to bring spirituality to your doorstep, and from there on, to pervade your life. And then, it could be said that you heralded your own time. In your practical life, this may manifest as your finding solutions to nagging problems. Or as experiencing greater clarity of your life’s purpose, and hence, of your way forward or as the undoing of shackles chaining you to a more mundane existence.

Spiritual engagement starts from a strong thought—wannabes have got that part of the equation right. But more often than not, this singular thought does not represent ‘that’ elusive moment when every missing link falls into place and you feel completely at peace with the universe.

Nor does it mark a point from whereon a seeker experiences no struggle or challenges or enters nirvana, never to return. It simply indicates an individual’s determination to engage in spiritual practice, and to work towards enlightenment. If such is the case, then what are you waiting for?

Practice makes perfect

As a practice, spirituality brings momentary achievements, in the sense that the quality of your deeds indicates whether you were ‘aware’ or ‘not aware’ at the moment of action. That is to say, some actions are performed with the awareness of the pervasive nature of consciousness, whereas some are not. It is not incorrect to expect a spiritual person to have a heightened state of awareness. In practice, this would mean that the individual performs more and more actions while conscious of the need to respect the feelings of every form of life.

Every sincere aspirant has experienced that spirituality is not achieved in a moment or a second. It is not simply a question of having one blissful experience of living beyond the body. It is about an ongoing engagement that gives rise to a series of such momentary highs, until such time that you can be present in that awareness at will. Then, you can live every moment, think every thought, speak every word and perform every action in that state of mind. In other words, you find peace within, and then walk the talk by creating peace without. You remain firmly ensconced in a peaceful state.

Practice makes perfect, and arguably, nowhere is this more applicable than in the realm of spiritual endeavour. It takes years of walking the path to lead oneself fully into the light. Given this reality, wouldn’t you desire to start sooner rather than later?

The need to commit now

Spirituality is about the real you, that is, the soul or spirit, which does not belong to the material world. Actually, that is why it is important to develop an interest in spirituality—it introduces you to you. And interestingly, you can only experience yourself, the soul, when you are alive, or have the faculty to experience. So, in spite of the fact that spirituality is not about the material world, it is still relevant to it and if you choose so, to the present moment.

Spirituality is about a lifelong commitment to self evolution, to slowly moving towards enlightenment while living in the world. Granted, any change takes time, but changing the self is also a lot of hard work. As Leo Tolstoy said, “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”

Perhaps the fact that self evolution is no child’s play is why enthusiasts delay their commitment to evolution, hoping that a short-cut will appear in the form of instant enlightenment. Some individuals, who are spiritually disposed by nature, find it easier to make this commitment. Materialism tugs less at their heartstrings, but that is not all. Genuinely concerned about the quality of their actions, they make it their life’s worth to experience the self as pure consciousness, and then connect with other beings on that level. When you reach that stage, your deeds resonate with virtues.

Spirituality in your life

If you think of it, isn’t spirituality all about striving to experience yourself on a higher plane and then going on to refine your consciousness? If so, in the context of this effort taking place over an individual’s lifetime, spirituality would more accurately be likened to a process than an end.

As long as the process is underway, you make spiritual progress. If the process stops, you spiritually stagnate. So, it is important to experience progress for these qualitative improvements in your consciousness to manifest in the quality of your interpersonal relationships.

In a spiritual perspective, ‘where you are’ is the lesser issue. What counts is ‘where you are heading’. Again, you should not be overly concerned about when you will achieve your spiritual end. As long as you are enjoying the journey, you are bound to invest the necessary time and effort in achieving your aim, and beyond doubt, you will get there some day.

And thus, we are brought back to our starting point. It is not enough to simply desire spirituality and wait for the right time. Mere desire without any accompanying effort is no worthier than daydreaming. Or as they say in business parlance, to work without a plan is to run around in circles. A person who has the thought to improve will improve, by virtue of seizing the moment, planning and implementing practical changes to make his or her life more spiritual. The question to ask is—is that your idea too?

The post Enlightenment: Create the moment appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Essentially, this question is more likely to strike those who feel they are far from meeting their aspirations or what they believe qualify as attainments.

Different things matter to you and me

If you think of it, judging self-attainments is a highly individualistic task because each of us has our own perception of what counts in life. To some, friends and family matter the most, others count the expression of their creativity—work of art or innovation—as an achievement, while for some, the accumulation of wealth is supreme.

This definition not only varies from person to person, but also from time to time for the same individual. Why’s that? Well, our desires change because of inner evolution and/or external needs. As an example, a person may achieve financial security, and realise that money is not a source of happiness, so he may then seek contentment. Or it may happen that once you establish a family life, you aspire for financial success to sustain your loved ones.

What are you running after?

Desire is an ever-spinning wheel that has us shuttling between ambition and contentment, or emptiness and fulfilment. This cycle is what modern-day human resource [HR] specialists use to spur employees to perform better.

Motivation propels ambition, which in turn, inspires a person to work harder. But the ensuing promotion is but a fleeting fulfilment, as the wheel of desire spins again.

In contrast to this short-lived satisfaction, true contentment lasts. It isn’t experienced in fits and starts. Further, momentary fulfilment does not bequeath the sense of calm that comes from inner contentment. Does this mean that ambition and true contentment are mutually exclusive, that is, one precludes the other?

Think about this: as long as you run after an ambition, you cannot enjoy and be content with what you have. Today, you may chase a salary hike; tomorrow, a larger house. If you fall into the vicious cycle of ambitions, your life will pass by in constantly chasing the next step in the ladder. So when will you live in the now? More importantly, when will you experience contentment?

Content with or within?

Some people believe that being content with the present is to waste it, as you would then not feel the need to strive for a better future. They couldn’t be more wrong. When it comes to contentment, the crux is to be able to affirmatively answer the question: Am I content with my present life situation? In doing so, you do not negate growth or shun learning. Instead, you understand that every process is meant to be enjoyed for its own sake, not for what it may [or may not] bring.

In appreciating the journey, you enhance the value of every moment of life. This is also how you find contentment. Think about it, if you can’t enjoy your present, why bother at all?

This leads us to another important aspect. It is often said that a person should be content with what he has in life. This is somewhat amusing as it discounts life completely. Why shouldn’t your contentment start with your life itself? Isn’t just being alive a miracle to be thankful for?

This stage of contentment calls for a check on your inner state. Ask yourself “Am I content within?” This suggests a deeper contentment that emanates within, not mere contentment with one’s present life situation, which implies contentment with external conditions.

Want what you have

As long as contentment is equated with what we have externally, we are likely to want more. The secret to experiencing contentment is to ‘want what you have’. Souls that have realised that the secret of attaining everything [contentment included or contentment alone?] is to desire nothing. How’s that? If you desire nothing, you accept whoever and whatever comes your way with gratitude. Also, to desire nothing is in itself to be content—you believe that you have everything you need.

Sages find contentment by concentrating their energies on experiencing the one miracle we are all part of—life. The high experienced in this state is so intoxicating that the only ambition that could possibly remain after experiencing it is to desire to constantly experience that bliss. The experience is so profound, bliss and contentment remain etched in your soul forever. It intoxicates everyone who experiences it. It is not as though one would enjoy it, and the other wouldn’t. Truly, if you must desire all, allow a connection with all of life to pave your way to experience true contentment.

The post Seeking satisfaction appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Well, sorry to have to say this, but you could probably have used your time better. Allow me to explain why.

A few years ago, Mind, a leading UK mental health charity, commissioned the University of Essex [UK] to conduct two studies to investigate the role of eco-therapy in our lives.Eco-therapy, or green therapy, includes activities performed outdoors in green surroundings, like walking or gardening. This also includes the time spent outdoors seemingly inactively yet engaged with nature—say watching the setting sun, or just sitting in a garden and deep breathing.

The results of the studies are revealing, to say the least. One study compared the effects of an outdoor walk in a country park, with an indoor walk around a shopping centre, on self-esteem, depression and tension. No less than nine out of 10 people said that outdoor walk had boosted their self-esteem, compared to only 17 per cent for the indoor walk. About 44 per cent of people experienced reduced levels of self-esteem following the indoor shopping centre walk.

What’s more, almost three-quarters [71 per cent] of the people who took part in both activities said the outdoor walk had improved their depression and tension and lessened their fatigue. Against this, feeling of depression increased for 22 per cent of the participants and 33 per cent expressed no change in their level of depression following the indoor shopping centre walk. 50 per cent said their feelings of tension had increased after the shopping centre walk.

Green exercise and wellbeing

The second study looked at the link between green exercise and mental and physical wellbeing, comes in.

“I feel better about myself and have a sense of achievement.”

“I am more relaxed, have better focus of mind, greater coordination and greater self-esteem.”

“My fitness has improved, I feel refreshed and alive.”

These are actual comments of some of the 108 people who participated in the study. Not surprisingly, 94 per cent of the people reported better mental health. 90 per cent of those surveyed commented that taking part in green exercise activities had benefited their physical health.

The outcome suggests that there is a strong case for eco-therapy to be combined with the conventional drug or psychological therapy prescribed to persons suffering from depression. To add to its benefits, eco-therapy is a natural treatment, besides being cost-effective, easily accessible and posing no side-effects.

Mumbai-based psychotherapist and counsellor Veena Chakravarthy endorses using eco-therapy. “Green is perceived to be a colour symbolising stability, balance, love, self control, and harmony,” she says, “The colour gives out calm vibrations, thus relaxing the nervous system and muscles. It reduces palpitations as well as the frequency of occurrence of panic attacks. Emotionally disturbed people and those suffering from anxiety and stress should be recommended morning walks to bond with nature.”

The role of green

Eco-therapy is not just about the colour green. It’s about nature enabling an inner connection with the self, and thus finding balance, guidance, and healing. Hippocrates, the father of modern medicine, is known to have remarked, “Nature cures, not the physician.” Evidently, he was in tune with the healing power of nature. Up until a few centuries ago, health practitioners were by and large aware of nature’s inherent ability to heal. Mental health institutions were often set in gardens and natural landscapes. Nowadays however, most cities have become concrete jungles with very few patches of green. Hard-pressed for wide open spaces, counsellors and psychotherapists have moved into little cubicles.

Acknowledging the role of green in mental health, Dr Bharati Chawathe, founder of ‘Spring’ [a counselling and psychotherapy centre in Mumbai] has gone out of her way to ensure that her clinic has smatterings of green for the benefit of her patients.

“Patients confess to feeling calmer as soon as they walk into the clinic. Even a simple act like ‘hugging a tree’ works for patients who suffer from pain. A person who is hurting needs to start the inner process of healing. This doesn’t happen as much by talking to a therapist as it does by connecting with nature. After all, how much ‘pain’ can you talk about? Eco-therapy is indeed, a valid treatment option for patients with mental health issues, even when used along with a medication regimen,” she opines.

It is important to recognise that eco-therapy benefits everyone. So even if you are of sound mental health, do not disregard the additional health benefits that would come your way if you traded an indoor activity with an outdoor hobby.

As Julie Bennett, coordinator of a UK-based horticulture and recreation project aimed at providing the surrounding community green exercise describes, “Digging, lifting, planting and pruning are all great exercise, but people don’t think about it as exercise. Here, you can spend half an hour digging potatoes—you get the exercise and you come away with some lovely organic vegetables but it doesn’t feel like exercise. It’s certainly not as intimidating as a gym.”

‘Green’ for everyone

While city-dwellers may despair at the lack of an opportunity to meditate on a mountain or walk through a sunflower field, the beauty of eco-therapy is that it also works in small doses, as well as at the most subtle of levels.

To understand this association better, consider the findings of research conducted at a Swedish psychiatric hospital that measured the vandalism to paintings on walls over a 15-year period. It found that damage was only ever inflicted on abstract paintings. However hard it may seem to believe, there were no recorded attacks on landscape paintings.

Chakravarthy explains this phenomenon by saying that even being exposed to visualisations of nature and natural surroundings has a calming effect on the mind. “Natural sceneries make us peaceful and encourage us to start loving ourselves and believing in ourselves,” she says.

Another study has shown that a window view of nature boosts recovery from surgery, leads to a reduced use of health-care services among prison inmates and improves work performance and job satisfaction.

Irrespective of where you live, there is always something you can do to gain the benefits of eco-therapy. You could fly a kite, start a community roof gardening project, or take a walk in a nearby park, all the while paying attention to seasonal changes. Even if you are confined to an apartment, you could meditate in a green balcony.

In fact, in a paper titled ‘Seminar for Health Care Using Green Therapy’, Iwamoto Masaru of the Nishinippon Institute of Technology, Japan, emphasises green therapy as a natural and useful method to alleviate mental stress associated with the socially complicated relationships of modern life. He describes green therapy as including healthy walking, gardening, aroma therapy and bathing. All these methods act gently on the brain and help control the internal autonomic nervous, endocrine and immunity systems.

As and when possible, you could also choose a natural landscape over a cityscape. Dr Chawathe always recommends that her patients vacation at natural resorts, instead of getting trapped in the delights of fast-paced cities. After all, since centuries ago, people have instinctively chosen to visit resorts set amid nature to recharge their batteries. They have done so, not because they were prescribed ‘time out in sylvan surroundings,’ but because of the experience of total relaxation associated with being in the midst of nature. During the course of day-to-day living, people have also turned to outdoor activities to vent their pent-up energies and in the process, also their stress and worldly cares.

Why does eco-therapy work?

Bernie Siegel is a well known physician who broke new ground with his monumental book Love, Medicine, and Miracles, in which he explored the powerful role the mind can play in fighting illness. These words of his suggest the magic in eco-therapy: “If you watch how nature deals with adversity, continually renewing itself, you can’t help but learn.”If truth be told, observing nature’s inherent strength unfold as it copes with challenge and regenerates itself on an ongoing basis, even after a disaster, is perhaps one of the best lessons in growth and survival.

The infinite circle of life emanating from decay, destruction and death imparts hope and a sense of constancy, as well as puts loss into perspective. Simply put, the message imparted is, ‘it is never the end, only a new beginning.’ For people caught up in competitive study and work scenarios, nature serves as a source of energy to press on. And on.

Why you should do green exercises?

The Mind commissioned studies also reveal why people enjoy green exercise activities:

• The activity helps forge memorable social connections as well as a communion with nature.
• The colours, sounds, fresh air and sometimes, rush of adrenalin arising from the experience of risk, stimulate the senses.
• The physical activity activates an inner ‘feel good’ factor.
• The activity is a chance to escape from the stress of daily living.

10 tips to go greenWe all face challenges, big and small. But when it comes to Mother Nature, we sometimes mistakenly assume that the only adversities she faces are huge natural disasters. Of course, catastrophic earthquakes and tsunamis that have far-reaching consequences must require her to invest a lot of energy in recovering. But if you think of it, usurping even a fragment of nature is a loss, however small. Consequently, many people believe that nature is fighting a losing battle in cities.

Every new suburb creates impinges on green cover and puts pressure on scarce natural resources. Existing green areas are slowly shrinking, birds have less space to live and sources of fresh water are drying up.

But you can make a difference. This year, give a new meaning to the World Environment Day [June 5] and the UN World Day to Combat Desertification [June 17]. Now that you know the direct benefits of eco-therapy, you can go all out to celebrate June as a green month, and in the process, enhance your family’s exposure to green. Simultaneously, take satisfaction from the fact that every effort you make, however small, will also help the planet.

Even these simplest of measures will make a difference.

1. Plant a tree in your nearby garden or building compound.
2. Encourage sparrows and other small birds to co-exist in trees around your compound. Do they have access to water? If not, create a bird bath.
3. Walk short distances; avoid using a motor vehicle as it adds to pollution.
4. Consume less energy. Switch to LED lights.
5. Maximise your use of daylight.
6. As far as possible, switch off outdoor lighting at night. Nature needs to sleep too!
7. Create a green niche in your balcony or near a window, if you do not have easy access to open green spaces. Visit a nursery and choose a few evergreen plants that are easy to maintain. Use herbal insecticides to keep these bug-free.
8. Switch to re-usable jute bags. Avoid using plastic ones.
9. Reduce paper consumption. Don’t print documents unless necessary. For personal letters and cards, switch to aesthetic recycled paper or email.
10. Segregate recyclable waste. Do not litter.

The post World Environment Day special: Wellbeing is a walk in the park appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

It says a lot about my well-wisher’s feelings for me, his generosity and mindset. In fact, it got me thinking about blessings, and about their perception—both eastern [specifically Indian] and western.

Story behind blessings

We usually don’t go into the nitty-gritty of the language. So when we use the word bless or blessing in everyday parlance, we don’t think seriously about any ceremonial act we’re performing. For instance, when a friend sneezes and you say, “bless you”, you’re just hoping that the friend gets well soon. You probably believe that there’s nothing beyond that when actually there is—and it all goes back to ancient times.

Let me explain: the ancient English blessings, and consequently the process of bequeathing blessings, were about sanctifying or making a person or thing holy. Usually, this was done through a religious rite or prayer. It was intended to invoke God’s favour upon the person and ward off evil. In early heathen blessing ceremonies, sacrificial blood was used for sanctification. So the word bless, is derived from the Anglo-Saxon bletsian or bledsian, derived from blod or blood.

As the number of converts to Christianity slowly increased, the act of blessing largely meant making the sign of a Cross. However, this action was [and still is] performed by an ordained minister or representative of the Church. Blessings, therefore, came to be commonly equated with religious benediction.

Touching the feet

In India, touching someone’s feet is a way of invoking his or her blessings. In fact, it is customary in some homes to touch the feet of the elderly family members every morning. We bow to family elders, teachers and guides deemed worthy of respect, for their tutorship and guidance.

Interestingly, the Hebrew word barak for blessing means ‘to kneel,’or ‘bow with bended knee’ to acknowledge the value of the one being bowed to. So, when seniors bless us, they’re effectively saying that they value us and add further value to our lives.

How exactly is this value expressed? You probably receive a blessing as a spoken word or a hand placed lovingly on your head—these are profound good wishes we relate with seniors or those we hold to be wiser than us.

But what about our juniors—is it not possible to receive their blessings? Considering that we’re hardly likely to kneel before them, how—if at all—can they shower us with good wishes?

The more you give

There’s a hymn that goes: ‘There shall be showers of blessing. This is the promise of love.’ Apparently, love precedes blessings. And you’re only likely to bless someone you love. This also suggests that simply expressing love for a person may invoke his or her blessings. If you consider the process of blessings as being reciprocal—meaning the more you give, the more you get—earning blessings becomes so much easier.

“Why would I want to earn blessings?” you might ask. It’s because we can’t live life in isolation and it’s easier to get by in life with a little help from your friends. You’ll have greater peace of mind, thanks to the blessings you earn from both friends and foes. A blessing can work a miracle—of positive transformation, or of boosting a sagging morale. Or it can simply offer relief, if the blessing suggests forgiveness.

Blessings need not always come from a supernatural power like God or from elders. They can also originate from goodwill of fellow beings.

The power of blessings

Fortunately, today we have access to scientific proof of the physical effects or power of our blessings to restore nature to its natural harmonic state. Japanese scientist and author Dr Masaru Emoto has done extensive research on the power of blessings. He uses a device called Magnetic Resonance Analyser [MRA]. The device is based on the Japanese word for blessings, Hado, which literally translates to ‘I love you’ or simply an expression of love and ‘Thank you’ in English.

When he measured the state-of-mind of a person feeling these emotions [love and gratitude] by means of its vibrating waveform, Dr Emoto found that it equates the energy that holds together the basic building block of matter—the atom. In other words, feeling Hado generates a magnetic field that is akin to the vibrating wave generated by electrons orbiting the nucleus of an atom.

The implications of this research are far-reaching. When Dr Emoto concluded, “all things lie within your own consciousness”, he actually made it easy for us to realise and believe in the power of our blessings. In fact, he brought in the aspect of blessing ourselves as the first step in ensuring our wellbeing.

Dr Emoto believes that we should make a conscious effort to increase what he calls ‘our Hado level’. This may be achieved by blessing our food and water, by speaking [orally or in our mind] of our intention on the food before we partake of it. We can even bless our surroundings and those we interact with. Our thoughts, words and actions can actually impact the world of matter and people around us in the form of our blessings, and no, this does not amount to superstition.

Blessing the world

Dr Emoto actually proved how Hado works. He used the MRA device—which is also used to inspect the quality of water—to observe ice crystals. He discovered that their shape mirrors the properties of the substance they’re formed of—water. Because of this reason, no two types of water yield exactly the same crystalline structure.

Thus, water from pristine mountain streams was found to yield ice having beautifully formed geometrical crystalline patterns. In contrast, ice formed of polluted or toxic water exhibited distorted and randomly formed crystalline structures.

Dr Emoto’s team then began experimenting with the effect of Hado on the quality of water. Measuring results was easy, thanks to their discovery of the properties of ice crystals.

The results [described in his New York Times best seller Hidden Messages in Water], based on individual and group experiments with a glass of water and entire water bodies, are staggering to say the least. Dr Emoto has conclusively proven that water is ‘alive,’ in that it has memory, absorbs the vibrations or energy of its environment and is hence, affected by exposure to pollution, or kind words, soothing music, photos, or even prayer. So if we bless the water, it will get blessed and so is the case with all living things around us.

Dr Emoto’s published works also describe how disease originates at very minute sub-particular level, perhaps when Hado is absent or insufficient.

Fortunately, when it comes to our wellbeing and blessings, a lot lies in our hands. So today, instead of finding contentment in just counting your blessings, why don’t you go a step further and work on increasing your score?

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Be creative

Men are naturally more lively and imaginative where sex is concerned, and are drawn to women who are likewise. So, when we are in a relationship, the pressure mounts on us to express our sexuality. This means feeling confident to take the lead in our physical relationship, or initiating sex when we desire it, or knowing exactly what we want from it.

This may sound ‘too bold’ to many. But if you think of it, isn’t sexual energy all about creativity? Expressing sexuality is all about displaying a valuable and hidden part of your personality.

If you feel unable to express your sexuality, or hold yourself back out of fear, you’re effectively putting a ‘spanner in the wheels’—in enjoying an important part of your physical needs.

To add to that, if you do not express yourself and your desires, how will your man know what is going on in your mind before, during and after sex? He is not a mind-reader, after all! Nor as we know do men think like women. Since every woman has a different set of values and expectations from intimacy, he cannot resort to using a manual to know what you want from sex. So, given that a fulfilling sexual relationship is not created by default, it becomes all the more important for you to communicate with your partner.

Express your needs

Of course, the best way to effectively communicate is to know what your physical desires are. So, make an effort to learn more about your sexual desires. What pleases you? What moves make your body feel uncomfortable? Not only will this awareness accentuate you being an active sexual partner, but will help you to be comfortable with your body. Your being at ease with your inner feelings and sensations of your body helps you physically connect with your partner and experience sexual pleasure.

Expressing your sexuality is by no means restricted to just sharing your likes, but also telling him what you don’t like. Most importantly, if a certain movement causes discomfort, don’t force yourself to go on. You will feel ill at ease. And every time your partner uses the same move, you will find your self withdrawing or numbing out during sex. Needless to say, you will stop enjoying sex, and your partner will sense your withdrawal and misunderstand it. He may take the withdrawal as a sign of your using sex as a weapon against him. Also don’t be too eager to please.

Give feedback

Talking is, of course, the most obvious form of communication. But in this respect too, we differ from men. Men don’t take hints, nor do they understand round about sentences. According to experts most men use report speaking style, while women tend to use rapport speaking. Report speaking is delivering information, often point-wise as if reading out from a list. Rapport speaking is about a meaningful conversation about the relationship, even if it includes sharing vague thoughts and ideas. The bottom line is that if you are sharing your needs verbally; tell your man exactly what you want. Eye contact and sounds [obviously expressed during sex] are other ways to communicate. Help him by giving him feedback when he gets it right, or worse, when he doesn’t. If you’re not comfortable talking in the bedroom, choose another location, perhaps during a walk or over a cup of coffee, to share your intimate thoughts.

Respect each other

Let’s face it—for us [read women], sex is never only about physical desire. We need to feel an emotional connection prior to having sex, because we need to feel completely secure with our partners. If you desire a healthy sex life your relationship must be based on mutual acceptance, compassion, patience and respect for each other. If you find it hard to accept any aspect of sex, then your partner should let you take your time to feel ready for it. This may imply going slow with sex and more than a fair measure of mutual respect.

Also, desist from the blame game, or criticism even if you feel dissatisfied. Remember—the idea is to communicate honestly, and work through the obstacles you face, not find fault. So check your relationship for its ‘values’ and work towards practicing these as the best way to inspire your partner to do likewise.

Accept the changes

The only constant in our lives is change. Given this reality, accept that your sexual needs are bound to change over time and at different stages of your life. Much married women who face menopause, for example, will have different concerns than women who are just married or are pregnant. Just as you experience other aspects of your relationship transform with time, so will your desire for sex. It may grow or become less intense or important to your relationship.

Feel free to converse about these changes with your partner. It is normal to face a stalemate in your sexual relationship especially with a hectic daily routine; preoccupation with your career which takes you home completely exhausted every evening to more chores. Infuse energy and liveliness in your sex life with visual sexual stimuli in the form of books, movies or clothes.

Share your fantasies

A new location, timing or lighting in your bedroom may also stimulate your senses. Sharing your sexual fantasies may open up new avenues too. Men love women who are assertive about what they want in bed. It’s important for you to accept that it is healthy for you to express your passion, fantasies and desires. Rest assured your man will like it.

Fact is—the more you explore and innovate, the more you will discover each other. Intimacy is not something that should be done to you; it is a two-way lane. So don’t omit doing your bit to enrich your sex life.

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Much emphasis is placed on the physical image these days. “Looking good” apparently leads to “feeling good”. This implies a certain image projected as desirable and emulated by a few models. The rest of us just try and measure up to this yardstick.

Numerous advertisement hoardings, commercials and magazine-inserts make the going no easier. They splash around these “desirable” images, as though reinforcing their validity. Worse still; these images do not always project whole bodies, but mere parts — perfect parts of what you assume to be a perfect whole. Lips, hands, feet, legs — cut-outs from photographs where “the rest” would not have done justice to the product being advertised and hence, would not have made the same impression of perfection on your gullible minds.

No wonder then, more women and men are today dissatisfied with their body images, as compared to a decade earlier. As a result, they spend a lot of money trying to feel good about their body.

Do you aspire for optimum wellness?

In truth, feeling good about your body has nothing to do with a certain image. What you see in the mirror is a reflection of what you believe. If you love your body, you will like what you see in the mirror and vice-versa.

The question ‘do you love your body?’ sums up a lot. Its answer defines your attitude towards your body. Don’t think of it merely as a question for young girls but for everyone.

When you pause to reflect on this question and your likely answer, you will be unravelling the secret behind your current body image. If you say you love your body, do your actions towards your body really reflect this love?

It doesn’t look good!

Once you know what you feel, you can channel your energy to an approach that will lead you to optimum wellness. For instance, if you don’t love what you see, your behaviour towards your body is also not likely to be a reflection of love.

If you’re overweight, think of it this way: if you treat your body like a dumping ground, for a variety of foods of your taste, irrespective of your bodies’ need for nutrition, are you expressing love for your body? Evidently not — more like disregard. Continuing on the same note, if your exercise regimen is limited to walking to the refrigerator or searching for the TV remote, are you reflecting love for your body? Again no!

If you love something, you look after it, right? Say your priceless gold necklace – would you carelessly leave it around? Of course not! Continuing the same thread, if you truly loved your body, wouldn’t you show it some respect, by being sensitive to its needs – for nutrition, water, for exercise, for rest and so on. You wouldn’t put it down by not caring for its needs.

So how should you go about loving your body?

The “It’s all about me” syndrome

Even though our outlook nowadays is more self-centred and individualistic than ever before, we still seem to accept certain societal images. It comes as no surprise then, that those who boast socially accepted model hour-glass figures radiate a certain zing, dress to kill and in general, seem to feel much better about themselves than the rest of us.

It is true that they genuinely love their body, and make intense efforts to look after their physical self. However, the main approach should be to identify very closely with your body, which is quite different from the view that your body is but your instrument to live and communicate in the physical realm.

An excessively physical approach towards your body could lead you away from your spiritual self. Spiritual seekers call this body consciousness, as opposed to soul consciousness. It means identifying primarily with the body, instead of with the soul.

Souls with bodies or bodies with souls?

In truth, we are souls who use a physical sheath – the human body – during our passage through life. Cultivating and sustaining a positive body image should ideally be based on our recognition of the fact that our body is an instrument commanded by our soul, and not the other way around.

An entirely different perspective then arises. When you look after your body as an instrument, you love it for its use, and care for it in such a way that you are able to maximise its use. Your love for your body is not a by-product of the way it looks. It is a reason to ensure its functionality, which involves taking care of its needs for nutrition, exercise and rest – the components of good health and wellness.

Love your body

Another outcome of this different perspective is that your love for your body does not depend on someone else loving it; you love your instrument for what it is worth to you, not to someone else. Some people feel how can we love ourselves if we do not feel loved? Well, you can simply love your body because it is your only means to ensure a long and healthy life. Also, in most cases, love is infectious! When you radiate true love, it attracts much more.

So when you stand in front of the mirror and don’t like what you see, think of your dietary and exercise habits and critically examine your lifestyle. Are you doings something that does not reflect love for your body? If yes, then it’s time you make some changes, and learn to love and respect this priceless instrument. After all, it is but the reality of your existence.

The post How should you go about loving your body appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

But, think this through in a little more detail. On the surface, you’d assume that their sexual satisfaction is an outcome of their communicating what gives them sexual pleasure, that is, their likes and dislikes directly relating to the sexual act. In truth however, what counts is the extent of communication that such couples indulge in as it goes much beyond mere sex talk.

Honesty – a magic wand

You see, by and large, such couples also share their deepest hopes, desires, fantasies and fears. They freely confess if and when they suffer from any residual anger or hurt inflicted by their partner. This free flow of communication, in turn, assures them of higher energy levels. Besides, it makes it easy for them to let their hair down and bond – or in other words, enjoy sex.

But, open communication presupposes honesty. Saying just anything to your partner will not work the same magic. It’s only honest communication that works as a sexual stimulant, because when partners communicate honestly, they share themselves. In doing so, they acknowledge that their relation is much more than simply sharing a bed. More importantly, it’s about sharing their emotions.

Now for women – and indeed nowadays for many men – an intimate, honest and emotional exchange of words works as a relaxant, and suggests that their partner is on the same wavelength as them. This reassurance of compatibility is inspiring, promises a closer, more meaningful relationship, and suggests that an ensuing sexual encounter will be “safe” and hence happy – because their partner is equally emotionally involved and not merely interested in them for sex. Considering that women are naturally drawn to experience such “safe” sex that minimises dangers and maximises pleasures, they are more likely to feel sexually attracted to men who bare all.

Are you ready to bare all?

“Bare all” – now here is another analogy. It’s not only married couples for whom honesty works as a turn-on. The chances of a dating-twosome going all the way, so to speak, are more when honesty factors in their fledgling relationship.

After all, aren’t you more likely to desire getting closer to a person who comes across as honest? In the same vein, do you believe you could ever feel uninhibited and free to enjoy a sexual relationship with someone who is false-hearted?

Raw sexual appeal is not only about physical traits such as looks, figure et al. It is as much about baring your soul, your inner self, simply because this indicates you’re confident of your ability. No wonder, many men report feeling attracted to women who talk openly. They think, “If she talks this openly, she’ll be equally [or more] loving when we’re in bed.” For men, this is also a huge turn-on because they often find it hard to construe what women mean when they talk in riddles.

Honesty – a rare virtue

Honesty is no longer that common in relationships. Far from it! Nowadays, couples “make do” with telling each other the bare minimum. This translates into a low-energy relationship in which both partners don’t experience a close bond. Naturally, their sexual relationship suffers too.

So why are partners reluctant to speak their mind, when in doing the contrary, they could assure themselves of a healthier and more active sex life?

Some people misjudge their partners, believing they’d prefer a less volatile relationship that does not suffer from occasional tell-alls. After all, if you confessed say, even an asexual matter like having overspent on your credit card to your partner who is a stickler for sound finances, he is likely to blow up and perhaps even be nasty for a few days.

In such cases, being honest is likened to asking for trouble, by opening up a hornet’s nest. But then, don’t forget that after cooling off, your partner may appreciate your honesty and be drawn into an even closer, more stable and better-functioning relationship.

Your partner deserves to know

Sometimes people carry a poor image of themselves, or haven’t accepted themselves within, which leads them to feel ashamed of telling their partner of their present or past misdeeds and thoughts. They think, “he/she doesn’t really want to know about this” and continue to live in a half-baked relationship.

The worst scenarios, of course, come when a partner has a huge confession to make – maybe an affair – but believes that hiding is the best way out. However, going down the “I don’t want to hurt her/him” road is only a superficial excuse.

Face it. Your partner deserves to know because your partner has every right to expect you to work [not shirk] towards a fulfilling relationship. Lame excuses are for cowards who fear the consequences of admitting the truth. After hearing you out, if your partner desires to part ways – that is a reality you have to live with. However, when the confessions are not acute, most partners usually come around, especially if you adopt the right way of saying things.

If you believe you are ready to take your relationship – and sex life – to the next level, share this revelation [that honesty makes for a more fulfilling sex life] with your partner to start with. Also, adopt habits that will help this process [see box above].

Experts say that in the long-run, honesty makes for a lively relationship. We’ll go a step further and say that honesty is an essential ingredient of a long-term relationship. Undoubtedly, honesty is the best policy.

The post Honesty can be hot! appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

When such events come to pass, we often console ourselves by putting our minds in fast-forward mode, that is, we tell ourselves that at some point in the future, we won’t hurt so much. In other words, we try to blank out the present and rely on time to heal our wounds.

Memories fade away

In a way, it seems a strange thing to say or believe that time – a dimension that is otherwise detached from our wellbeing – is a great healer.

Perhaps, we merely assume that as time passes, our recollection of the past will fade, and hence, so will the pain associated with sad events? Or maybe, when we say that time heals, we do not recognise that by its very nature, time allows for fresh positive experiences to emerge [occur]. This layer of recent happy memories positioned on top of our sad recollections, entirely replaces the impact of the past negativity.

Reasons come to the for

But is there more to this mystery of time – the great healer? A first century AD Roman philosopher, Seneca, is known to have said, “Time heals what reason cannot.” Evidently, nothing is more convincing than reason. But a reason may not be apparent, especially to a mind clouded by sad emotions. Better fortune or some other good outcome of a hurtful event may take time to actually happen, and allow us to pin-point it as the reason why our preferred event did not occur. Until such realisation dawns, time soothes that which is beyond our understanding.

This too shall pass

Essentially, the truth is that the “now” – the present moment – is constantly in a state of flux. Wise people often mouth the phrase “this too shall pass”, to calm a person in pain. The wisdom of the “now” is best epitomised in the story from where this phrase originates.

King Solomon was once feeling out-of-sorts, as he realised that when he was satisfied, he feared that the good feeling wouldn’t last, and when he wasn’t happy with life, he felt his sorrow would last forever. Having become conscious of the fact that he was thus never truly happy, he asked his advisors to search for a ring he had dreamt of that would alter his negative state of mind.

Fortunately, one advisor met an old jeweller who carved the phrase “this too shall pass” into a gold band. King Solomon found that by turning his attention to the possibility of a brighter future, these words eased his sorrows, and gave way to contentment.

A step further, he realised that even as the phrase changed his sorrow into joy, it also served as a reminder that elation is not a lasting emotion. King Solomon thus learnt to appreciate the transient nature of emotions – a positive followed by a negative or vice-versa. Eventually, he was able to experience a state of calm.

It is worthwhile linking this story to recent research in the field of psychology. Dr Martin Seligman, director of the University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Centre, and founder of Positive Psychology, believes that when someone assumes his/her problem is permanent, it can lead to depression.

Go with the flow

In Dr Seligman’s words, “.if you are a pessimist in the sense that when bad things happen you think they are going to last forever and undermine everything you do, then you are about eight times more likely to get depressed, fail at work, personal relationships are more likely to break up, and have a shorter and more illness-filled life.” Evidently then, King Solomon’s perception of sorrow, either as reality or imminent, was reason enough for his feeling disheartened.

Undoubtedly, “this too shall pass” is a powerful mantra in itself. In fact, having made a lot of effort to determine the cause for suffering, Buddha eventually came to the conclusion that most often, people suffer when they cling to happy situations. We fail to accept that circumstances – being temporary – change. Further, instead of going with the flow, and looking forward to the next scene life has in store for us, we continue to dwell in, and moan about the loss of the past. While not every scene may be as enjoyable as the last, a wise person realises that s/he will not remain upset forever – just as situations change, individual feelings and perspectives also evolve. That is how we grow in life.

Travel beyond time

But not everyone has the same attitude. In fact, some people respond faster to the passing of time, in that they heal faster. Why? Actually, our mind – as it is not ruled by time – is timeless and peaceful by nature.

Those who learn to dwell in this sanctuary-like space can revert to a peaceful, happy experience whenever life throws up adverse situations. This ability to withdraw to a positive “now” [reality] is a powerful coping mechanism to tap into.

Essentially, nothing is beyond us. It’s just that although this state of mind is a very handy solution, sometimes, we forget it exists, or having never experienced it, are unable to return to its confines. The trick is to train the mind to recognise and live in its real timeless state, so that it does not seek refuge in time. This is best done through meditation.

When you learn to live beyond, you’ll find you no longer take that long to heal. Until then, take your time. Time is on your side.

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