Like many teens, Derek is undergoing an identity crisis. Think back on your own teen years and chances are you’ll recall a time filled with fresh anxieties; a time of great highs and lows when you regularly wrestled with emotions that you couldn’t comprehend.

During the teen years surges in hormones and changes in brain chemistry repeatedly produce psychic tension, conflicting impulses, and labile moods. For example, teens often grow angry, impulsive or sad without understanding why. They may hastily rebel against restrictions or abruptly distance themselves from their parents—all the while longing for their love and approval.

What can parents do to help their teenager through this volatile period? How can your strengthen and enhance your teen’s new emerging identity?

Here are five guidelines that I have found to be most helpful to teenagers navigating choppy waters.

1. Encourage cardio workouts

Teenagers have more feelings than words, which causes them to store a great deal of emotional tension in their body. As internal pressure builds, it erupts in psychosomatic symptoms such as body aches, obsessive behaviour, sleep difficulties, or worse, drug or alcohol abuse. Exercise does more than discharge physical tension; studies have shown that a cardio workout for 30 minutes three times a week, can lower anxious and depressive symptoms up to 70 per cent. It reduces stress hormones, boosts endorphins [the feel good hormones], and strengthens the immune system, so teenagers can think clearer and relate better.

2. Hone their talents

Help your teenager develop his or her unique talents such as playing an instrument, making art, or excelling at sport. As teenagers develop such creative habits and abilities, they experience a surge in self-esteem and confidence. They see themselves as capable and original. Most importantly, they learn that practice and tenacity lead to personal victories.

3. Tell them about their roots

Studies show that when teenagers have knowledge of their family history, it strengthens their developing identity and self-worth. Understanding family history serves as a gateway to understanding themselves and their community. Family narratives also empower teenagers with a foundation for introspection which is why research indicates that teenagers that have a detailed knowledge of their family history and roots display higher levels of emotional wellbeing.

4. Seek mentors for them

Teens crave positive relationships with adults outside of their immediate family, such as teachers, coaches or other community leaders. Such influential adults support a teenager’s drive for independence and hunger for a maturity. Too often, young people feel adrift. Unsure of their future, they combat internal feelings of emptiness and indifference. Mentorship inspires them by strengthening their personal value and providing an opportunity to be in the company of inspiring and approving adults. As they internalise their mentors’ confidence in them, they develop self-assurance.

5. Provide academic support

If your kid is struggling academically, he may have an undiagnosed nonverbal learning disability [NVLD]. NVLDs are under-the-radar learning difficulties that affect the way teenagers process information, such as problems with attention or concentration, auditory difficulties, number sequencing etc. Such learning difficulties result in low or failing grades that devastate a teenager’s self-image and morale. NVLDs often appears around the time of high school when work becomes more demanding. An educational evaluation can identify these struggles and provide teenagers with academic support so they can succeed in school.

Every teenager wrestles with identity issues. The more positive support they receive from their parents and community, the better equipped they are to win the battle with themselves.

The post 5 ways to support your anxious and ‘lost’ teen appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

I know some folks think Marie is just plain intrusive. But most moms, whose priority in life is to help their children, will understand where she’s coming from. We moms may sometimes test the patience of a saint, and drive our grown-up children crazy by our seemingly meddlesome ways. But we will courageously carry on regardless, all for the love of our children. Or so we tell ourselves.

The early years

I remember how, when I was young, single and naïve, I used to wrinkle my nose at mothers who were overly involved in the lives of their children. But then I got married and had kids of my own, and soon I knew better. What seemed unpalatable before now seemed like the most natural thing to do. As for the mothers that I had thought of as control freaks earlier, I now saw them as conscientious, responsible and caring parents.

While the kids were growing up, I spent most of my waking hours doing what almost all moms do—cooking, cleaning, dusting, scrubbing, feeding, folding clothes, changing diapers and sheets, picking up stuff, putting the kids to sleep, hauling them out of bed in the morning, teaching, while handling a full-time day job. And what did I do the rest of the time? I worried about my kids.

I pestered the babysitter [and when the kids were older, our neighbours] to find out how the apples of my eye were doing in my absence. I attended every parent-teacher meeting and doled out requests for paying special attention to my sweet angels. I noticed the rolling of eyes my frequent requests elicited, but I ignored them from the goodness of my heart and for the good of my offspring.

We moms may sometimes test the patience of a saint, and drive our grown-up children crazy by our seemingly meddlesome ways

Parenting adolescents

Things were on an even keel until the kids were in school, when I could yell at them, “Shut your mouth and eat what’s on your plate!” and they actually obeyed. Or when their howling got on my nerves and I would scream, “Stop squealing for nothing, or I’ll give you something to really cry about,” and the tears of rage would stop flowing.

The going got tough when they started going to college. As is characteristic of adolescents, now they began trying to educate their parents. It seemed like just yesterday they exhibited insatiable curiosity, and suddenly, they didn’t want to know anything. They stopped asking me questions thinking they already knew all the answers. But that only got my antenna up. What were these smarties doing without my knowledge, I wondered.

Don’t know if the great Einstein flaunted his weirdo hairstyle even as a young man. But if he did, I’m sure his mom constantly bugged him to tone it down, just the way I badgered my children when I detected even a hint of strange tendencies.

 It seemed like just yesterday they exhibited insatiable curiosity, and suddenly, they didn’t want to know anything

Which is why we had some interesting interactions.

What’s that glittering thing on your tongue? Oh, it’s only candy, you haven’t got your tongue pierced? What a relief!;

My dear, you’re going out in that sleeveless dress? In this 20⁰ C weather? Cover up. Why? Because I know when you’re feeling cold;

Son, you’re going to the party like that? Can’t you wear an ironed shirt and proper shoes? And what’s that thing hanging over your collar, tied with a string? It’s the latest fashion? I don’t care, chop it off! You’ll do as I say. What do you mean why? Because Mommy always knows best. That’s why.

Stuff like that. And if we had mobile phones back then, I would have continued from where we had left off by texting them every hour.

When children are no longer kids

Despite our constant battles, it’s so satisfying to know I’ve raised smart kids. That’s why I’m hopeful that when they become parents they’ll understand what made me tick as a young mother, as also what motivates me now as an older parent. And I hope they won’t miss the point while undertaking such mental exercises.

I hope they’ll understand that when I insisted on knowing where and with whom they were going, when I punished them for watching TV during their study time, when I ignored their sulking and demanded they put their toys and clothes back in the proper place, when I let them feel the pain of getting poor grades in school as a result of not studying diligently, it was because I loved them.

The going got tough when they started going to college; now they began trying to educate their parents

I’ve long since loosened the proverbial apron strings. But I still dread having to watch my children live with the consequences of wrong decisions. At the same time, I don’t want to stop them learning from their own mistakes even now.

So yes, it’s still tough being a mom, even in the silver years. The hard part now is doling advice in matters of critical importance despite risking being labelled a meddlesome mom. But I believe, if you love your children, you will take that risk. Of course, it’s their prerogative to accept or reject your suggestions. But it’s still your prerogative to tell your children whatever you want to. Don’t get me wrong though. I’m not suggesting you should lecture your adult children about stuff like how to manage their money, their children, and their spouses. If you’re doing that, back off. Double quick.

Today, I’m focussed on making sure I’m helping, and not meddling. But that doesn’t mean that every once in a way I don’t revert to my old habits. My parting shot to my children during their student days was “Have some fruit after lunch”. Well, though they’re adults now, I still remind them of the same thing over Skype chats nowadays. But no harm done, for I’m sure they’re giving such unnecessary advice the treatment it deserves. After all, like I said before, I’ve raised smart kids.

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