Relationship building is always the foundation of effective leadership. Leaders who ignore the relational aspect of leadership tend to rely on their position instead. Or they expect competence to do ‘all the talking’ for them. True, good leaders are competent, but they are also intentionally connected to the people they lead.

One of the best ways to stay connected to your people and keep track of how they’re doing is to approach the task informally as you move among the people. As you see people in the parking lot, chat with them. Go to meetings a few minutes early to see people, but don’t start in on the agenda until you’ve had time to catch up. And, as the title of this article suggests, take time to walk slowly through the halls. Connect with people and give them an opportunity to make contact with you.

When it comes to connecting informally, leaders in the middle of an organisation often have a distinct advantage over their leadership counterparts at the top. Leaders in the middle are viewed as more accessible than top leaders. They are perceived as having more time [even if it’s not true]. And they are seen as more approachable. Their people don’t worry about ‘bothering them’ and are less reluctant to take their time, unlike people who report directly to the top leader.

Walking slowly through the halls is a useful skill for leading down no matter where you are in an organisation, but the best time to master it is while you’re in the middle, not after you get to the top. To help you develop this skill successfully, here are a few suggestions.

Good leaders are intentionally connected to the people they lead

1. Slow down

To connect with people, you travel at their speed. When connecting with your leader, chances are you need to speed up. Though it is not always true, in general the higher you go in an organisation’s hierarchy, the faster the leaders travel. The leader at the top often has boundless energy and is very quick mentally.

Conversely, when you move down people move more slowly. Once again, not everyone will be slower, but in general it is true. People at the bottom don’t process information quickly, and they don’t make decisions as fast. Part of that is due to having less information. Some of it comes from having less experience.

Most people who want to lead are naturally fast. But if you want become a better leader, you actually need to slow down. You can move faster alone. You can garner more individual honours alone. But to lead others, you need to slow down enough to connect with them, engage them, and take them with you.

If you want become a better leader, you actually need to slow down

If you have children, you instinctively understand this. The next time you need to get something done around the house, try doing it two ways. First, have your kids help. That means you need to enlist them. You need to train them. You need to direct them. You need to supervise them. You need to redirect them. You need to recapture and re-enlist them when they wander off. Depending on the ages of your children, it can be pretty exhausting, and even when the work is completed, it may not be to the standard you’d like.

Then try doing the task alone. How much faster can you go? How much better is the quality of the work? How much less aggravation is there to deal with? No wonder many parents start off enlisting their children in tasks to teach and develop them but then throw in the towel after a while and do the work themselves.

Working alone is faster [at least in the beginning], but it doesn’t have the same return. If you want your children to learn, grow, and reach their potential, you need to pay the price and take the time and trouble to lead them through the process-even when it means slowing down or giving up some of your agenda. It’s similar with employees. Leaders aren’t necessarily the first to cross the finish line-people who run alone are the fastest. Leaders are the first  to bring all of their people across the finish line. The payoff to leadership-at work or home-comes on the back end.

2. Express that you care

When you go to your mailbox at home, I bet one of the first things you do is shuffle through the various items. What are you on the look-out for? You’re probably looking for something with a handwritten envelope, because it’s usually a sign that what’s inside is something personal from someone you know. We all desire a personal touch from someone who cares about us.

I read somewhere that the United States Postal Service delivers 170 billion pieces of mail every year. Yet in this vast sea of mail, less than four per cent of the total is comprised of personal letters. That means you have to sort through 100 bills, magazines, bank statements, credit card offers, ads, and other pieces of junk mail to find just four items from someone who knows and actually cares about you.

The people who follow you also desire a personal touch. They want to know that others care about them. Most would be especially pleased to know that their boss had genuine concern about them and valued them as human beings, not just as workers who can get things done for them or the organisation.

We all desire a personal touch from someone who cares about us

3. Create a healthy balance of personal and professional interest

Leaders who show interest in the individuals who work for them need to find the balance between personal and professional interest. Professional interest shows that you have the desire to help them. That is something all good leaders share. Personal interest goes deeper—it shows your heart.

When you take interest in your people as human beings, you need to be sure not to cross the line. There is a point at which interest becomes inappropriate. You mustn’t be nosy. Your desire should be to help, not to invade someone’s privacy or make them feel uncomfortable.

Start by asking fairly neutral questions. You can safely ask how someone’s spouse or children are doing. You can ask about people’s hobbies or other outside interests. Or you can ask a very general question such as, “How is everything else going?” Then pay attention to not only the content of their answer, but also for any kind of emotional reaction. If you sense that there might be something there, then ask a non-threatening follow-up question that asks if everything is okay-but don’t push. If they choose to talk, don’t judge, don’t interrupt, and don’t be too quick to offer advice unless they specifically ask for it.

Why should you take the time to do this? The reality is that when employees’ personal lives are going well, their professional lives often follow suit. What happens at home colours every aspect of people’s lives, including their work. If you have an idea where people are personally, you can know what to expect from them at work, and you may get the opportunity to help them along.

Your desire should be to help, not to invade someone’s privacy or make them feel uncomfortable

4. Pay attention when people start avoiding you

If you make it a habit to walk slowly through the halls, you will get to know your people and the organisation better. You will know when things are working. Your leadership intuition will increase, and when something is wrong, you will pick up on it much more quickly.

Most people are creatures of habit. They fall into patterns and do things the same way most of the time. As you walk around, you will get used to seeing people. Because you will be seen as approachable, people will come out of their offices or cubicles to chat with you. They’ll be visible. If something is wrong with somebody who is normally communicative, that person will suddenly avoid you. So as you walk around, you have to ask yourself, Who am I not seeing?

Often it’s not what people say; it’s what they’re not saying that is a tip-off that something isn’t right. People are always quick to bring good news, but they avoid bringing bad news. I see examples of this all the time in my consulting company, ISS. When we are working with a leader to try to develop a partnership, if that leader intends to sign with us, we hear about it right away. If that leader doesn’t, she takes quite a while to make contact with us. A good 360-Degree Leader always slows down enough to be looking, listening, and reading between the lines.

Often it’s not what people say; it’s what they’re not saying that is a tip-off that something isn’t right

5. Tend to the people, and they will tend to the business

A 360-Degree Leader has many exceptional qualities. But one thing they all have in common is that despite their passion for the vision and their love of action, they give the majority of their effort to the people. Leaders who tend only to business often end up losing the people and the business. But leaders who tend to the people usually build up the people-and the business.

As you strive to walk slowly through the halls, I want to encourage you to find your own unique way of doing it. Look for practices that fit your personality, working situation, and leadership style. One evening in the fall when I was watching Monday Night Football, I saw a wonderful example of a leader who was doing just that. The halftime feature was about NFL coach Dick Vermeil. He was being interviewed in a studio about his team, the Kansas City Chiefs, and how his season was going, but that’s not what intrigued me.

Between interview questions, they were showing Vermeil and his team during a practice. As the players stretched during warm-ups, the veteran coach walked up and down the rows of players, chatting with them. He stopped next to one player, and I could hear him ask, “How’s your wife doing?” And they dialogued for a while.

Leaders who tend only to business often end up losing the people and the business

The interviewer asked Vermeil about his interaction, and he explained that the wife of that player had been fighting lupus. He went on to say that he cares about more than how his players catch the ball or tackle. He interacts with them as people first, then as football players. I’ve since talked to Dick Vermeil, and he told me that he often has players over to his house so that they can get to know each other better.

What’s interesting to me is that when Vermeil came out of retirement to coach the St. Louis Rams in 1997, after a 14-year hiatus, I remember hearing reports that players were skeptical of Vermeil’s methods and thought that he was old-fashioned and out of touch. And he kept telling them to just hang in there with him and see what happened. What happened was the team won the Super Bowl in 1999.

Will Vermeil win another Super Bowl? I don’t know. But I do know this: he has found his own way of walking slowly through the halls that keeps him visible, available, and connected. And because of that, his players respect him and work hard for him because they know he cares about them. A leader can hardly ask for more than that.

Excerpted with permission from The 360° Leader by John C. Maxwell. Published by Jaico Books.

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When supervisors are wrong

Why do supervisors behave badly with their subordinates? Because most supervisors, managers, foremen/women, department heads, executives and even CEOs of companies do not receive the basic training necessary to successfully supervise others; unfortunately, an MBA degree does not teach you this skill.

Here are some of the things that supervisors do that earn them a bad name:

• Embarrass their staff by disciplining them in front of workmates or clients.
• Label staff’s behaviour [stupid, dumb] or make sarcastic remarks, instead of trying to correct the actual behaviour of the staff member.
• Don’t give recognition for a job well done; concentrate on the 2 per cent of the things their staff do incorrectly, instead of the 98 per cent they do well.
• When dealing with customer complaints, they don’t back up their staff and don’t give employees a chance to tell their side of the story before acting. The manager can always say to the client, “Let me investigate this and I’ll get back to you.”
• Don’t provide an up-to-date job description with key performance indicators and standards of performance for the tasks performed by their staff.
• Don’t provide the necessary training to fill the gap between job requirements and employee’s skills.
• Conduct performance appraisals on staff without a proper job description upon which to base their evaluation; if the employee doesn’t know what’s expected of him/her, and the supervisor doesn’t know either—how can a fair evaluation of the performance be conducted?
• Have one set of company rules for staff, another for themselves. Bend the rules when clients go over the head of front-line staff, causing embarrassment for staff members.
• No set policy and procedure manuals available; rules and regulations of the company are not clearly defined.
• Harass staff [either through bullying or sexual harassment].
• Do nothing to improve the employee’s interest in their jobs. Some are afraid their staff is now ready to compete for their job, so do as little as possible to develop their skills for their next step up. It’s a proven fact that more supervisors are not promoted because there is nobody prepared to take over their existing job.
• Are not available when their staff needs their help; say they have an “open door policy” but are always “too busy” to deal with their staff’s problems.
• Won’t listen to their staff’s suggestions about better ways to complete tasks. The person doing the job normally has the best ideas on how to do the job better, faster, and more efficiently.
• Are perfectionists and expect everything to be done perfectly. Just because they can do the job in 10 minutes [they have 15 years experience] they expect the newcomer to do it in the same amount of time and with the same level of accuracy.
• Nepotism [hiring relatives and close friends].

If this describes the actions of your supervisors/managers, quitting your job is not the only way out. And if it’s you making these mistakes, well, you know what needs to be done.

It’s a proven fact that more supervisors are not promoted because there is nobody prepared to take over their existing job

So what can an employee do?

Complain—that’s what you can do! Learn how to use feedback to let your boss know what his/her behaviour is doing to you. This takes nerve, but most bosses will respect you for having the courage to do so. For example, if your boss has disciplined you publicly, wait until s/he has calmed down and ask for five minutes of his/her time. Say something like, “I have a problem, and I need your help in solving it. Last week, you criticised me three times in front of my co-workers. I felt very humiliated and demoralised. In the future, could I ask you to save those kinds of comments for when we can have some privacy?”

A boss who calls you names

Monica’s supervisor labelled her as stupid and dumb. So she decided to approach her about this privately. She said to her, “I have a problem, and I need your help in solving it. On my performance appraisal, you put down that you didn’t like my attitude, but when I asked for specifics you refused to give them to me. As well, the last few times you’ve corrected my work, you’ve said that I was ‘stupid’ and ‘dumb’. I’m upset that you’ve given me those labels and I don’t know how to improve my performance or what you really want from me.”

Her supervisor was listening to her intently, so Monica went on, “I’d like to go back to the comment from the performance appraisal about my ‘attitude’. What did I do wrong that you objected to?”

Her supervisor replied, “Well, you were rude to the client who walked in yesterday.” [Rude is another label that does not discuss her behaviour.]

“What specifically did I say to that client that was rude?”

“You told her that you had better things to do with your time other than listen to her constant complaints.”

Now Monica has something tangible that she could deal with and change.

Learn how to use feedback to let your boss know what his/her behaviour is doing to you

A boss who is irresponsible

A receptionist’s task was to take and pass on telephone messages to the managers in her office. Mr Bailey had called asking for Mr Smith four times, and the receptionist had placed the messages on his desk throughout the day. She knew that Mr Smith wasn’t very busy that day and had ample time to answer the messages.

The fifth time Mr Bailey called, he accused the receptionist of not passing on his messages. She’d had enough of her boss’s poor business practice and decided to speak to him to see if she could correct the situation. She said to him, “I have a problem, and I need your help in solving it [always a great opening line]. Mr Bailey called in and left messages for you five times today. The last time he phoned, he accused me of not passing his messages on to you. What should I tell him the next time he calls?” This way, she dumped the problem into the lap of the person causing it.

Precautions while handling a difficult boss

Before you decide to say anything to an aggressive supervisor, ask yourself if you might make matters worse by saying something. If this person treats everyone the same belligerent way, it may not be worth the risk of discussing the matter. If you’re working for a truly incorrigible boss, and there’s little likelihood of there being a change in his or her behaviour, you may have to mark time until you can get away from the bully.

Go higher up the chain of command only when the supervisor’s behaviour is affecting the rest of the staff. Only group complaints can oust an ineffective supervisor if done correctly. Make sure the group uses facts to explain their grievances, giving details of what has actually happened—costs in lost revenue, customer relations, delays, unmet deadlines, unnecessary overtime, production stoppages, etc.

If it’s only you the supervisor has trouble with, you might be facing a personality clash. This can happen to two individuals who are on entirely different wavelengths. Consider talking to someone in your human resources department, apply for a transfer to another position in your company or leave for greener pastures. When you feel your boss has removed all the pride and pleasure you get from your work, it’s time to leave.

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There is a misconception about effective coaching that Anita’s story highlights. Too many managers believe that effective coaching is about delivering critical feedback. And while part of coaching is about critical feedback, much of it is about reinforcing what is working and providing positive feedback. This balance is essential to being an effective coach, manager and leader. Consider the following techniques to help you improve your coaching:

Provide three pieces of positive feedback for every one piece of negative feedback

Research illustrates that in high performing teams, leaders and managers give as high as five pieces of positive feedback for every one piece of negative feedback [5:1]. While that is a high bar to hit, another research studying the “weight” of negative feedback has shown that negative feedback is three times heavier than positive feedback. In other words, if you want to have your feedback bank account at baseline, you need to give at least three pieces of positive feedback for every piece of negative feedback. Otherwise you’ll be working on credit. Eventually, your direct reports will close their emotional bank account.

Give at least three pieces of positive feedback for every piece of negative feedback

Provide feedback using a “Stop, Start, Continue” framework

Most of the executive coaching action plans follow this simple format. What are you going to stop doing? What are you going to start doing? And what are you going to continue doing? This simple coaching format not only helps to organise the type of feedback you might want to provide, but it also serves as an effective forcing mechanism to ensure that positive feedback isn’t getting lost in the shuffle. It helps us to know what not to lose as we make adjustments along the way.

Get curious

Curiosity is the key not only to effective coaching, but also to healthy workplace relationships. Several years ago, I was working with the president of a financial services company. Concerned about his culture, he brought me in to assess the situation. After interviewing a large group of employees, I went back to the president to share my findings.

I started the conversation with the following, “I’m going to go over the findings item by item, but the bottom line is this: your people love you. To the person, they said how empathetic you are.” Upon hearing this, the president ruffled his brow and said something I didn’t expect, “I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t think I’m empathetic at all. Work is work and personal is personal. I don’t want to talk about people’s personal lives at work. In addition, this is not my family. When the workday is done, I don’t want to spend any more time with my co-workers. I want to go home to my family.”

I didn’t know what to say. This did not seem like the traits of someone as consistently described as empathetic. The two of us sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. Then the president broke the silence and said the following to me, “But there is one thing I do that I think makes all the difference. I think the greatest compliment you can give anyone is to ask him or her about the work they do. So, I’m regularly walking around the office asking employees, ‘What are you working on? How can I help you? And where do you want to go in your career and how can I help you get there?’” It hit me! Curiosity and empathy are the same thing. If we want others to view us as empathetic, find something about him or her to get curious about. It is through genuine curiosity about others that we offer the highest compliment to someone—you matter.

What can you start, stop or continue doing to give your employees more positive feedback today?

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