Sadhguru: There is no need to control anger. Right now are you angry? No. So why should you control something that does not exist? How can you control something that does not exist?

Anger is a certain level of unpleasantness, both for you and everyone around you. Most of the time, you suffer more than your victim. And when you get angry, you could do the most idiotic things of your life. It is definitely not an intelligent way to exist.

Being angry about something or the other comes from a strong sense of likes and dislikes. This comes from a very deep identification with a certain way of thinking and feeling, which according to you, is the best way to live, think and feel. When someone is not in line with that, you get angry with them. As your likes and dislikes and your identifications become stronger with something or the other, all that you are doing is excluding the existence. If you say, “I like this very much,” you are excluding the rest of the existence in a big way at that moment. The stronger the like or dislike becomes, the deeper the exclusion becomes. Anger overflows because you have not included someone or something as a part of yourself. The very process of liberation is to include, not exclude. In inclusion, you become liberated. The day when everything, the whole existence, is included in you, you are liberated. In exclusion you become trapped, you become separate.

You do not wish to be angry, of course, but it is happening because you are ascribing an outside source for what is happening within you, and that is not true. Just see that anger is something that you are creating. Why are you creating something that you do not want? There is only one basic cause, you are ignorant of yourself. If you knew how your system functions and how to manage this system, why would you create anger? Anger is not only damaging the external situation, it is also damaging the internal situation. People are causing enormous amounts of anger within and creating health problems for themselves. Accordingly, consequences will happen for external situations.

Channel your anger for something better

For every action that you perform, there is a consequence. You cannot avoid the consequence. When you cannot avoid the consequence, action should be controlled. They can be controlled only if a human being is controlled within himself or herself. When one is in perfect balance, only then will one perform harmonious action. Still, there are always consequences. There are enough consequences in the life process as it is, you do not have to go about creating new consequences for yourself. Especially if situations around you are rotten, is it not very important that you keep yourself in the most pleasant possible manner and see how to spread this pleasantness around you?

If your actions were coming from your intelligence, this is how you would act. If situations around you are hopeless, it is all the more important that you keep yourself as beautiful as possible and see how to make the situation happen the way you want. Whatever you are, that is what you will spread around you. If you are angry, you will spread anger. With anger, more unpleasantness will come into the situations around you.

Choose joy over anger

Anger is enormous intensity. Intensity is the only thing that man is seeking. The reason why all the thrillers, action movies, and sports events are so popular is because people want some intensity, somewhere. The only way they know how to be intense is either through physical action, or through anger, or through pain. The very reason why drugs and sex have become such big things in the world is because somehow, people want to experience some intensity at least for a few moments. Intensity releases you from many things. Anger could also release you from many things, but the problem with anger is, it is not pure intensity within you; it gets entangled with the situations around.

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It is not necessary that only your anger should propel you into action. The most intense experience you have had in your life is probably anger. That is the reason why you are sanctifying anger, because it propels you into action. Unfortunately, you have never known the intensity of joy or love. But love and compassion can also propel you into action very gently, but very wonderfully and effectively. At work and at home, would you like to live with angry people, or peaceful and joyful people? Obviously you would want to live with peaceful and joyous people. Please remember, everyone around you is expecting the same thing. Every human being around you is always expecting to live and work with people who are peaceful and joyful.

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Inner beauty is intrinsic

I believe that in today’s society we have lost sight of what it truly means to be beautiful. In the work that I do with women, I notice that once they connect with their own unique traits deep inside, they can experience a beauty that transcends the physical. The essence of inner beauty is intrinsic and it does not fade away. As a nurse, the heart fascinates me. Physically, it sustains our life, while emotionally it is our guide, our North Star. The heart is where our true identity lies and it’s the perspective of the heart that enables us to connect to our internal beauty. To tap into one’s inner beauty one has to assess the condition of the heart.

We have all had painful life experiences that have been, as I like to describe it, written on our hearts. Others’ actions, words and reactions have been allowed to penetrate our heart in negative ways, resulting in us taking on others’ perceptions of who we are. These perceptions, at times, become the truth of who we believe we are.

Be the queen of your inner self

Discovering your inner beauty means you need to be the ‘queen of your own heart.’ Being the ‘queen of your own heart’ takes a lot of work and it means you have to look deep inside in the darkest places, so that you can take authority over them. Just as a queen would do, seek counsel on how to overcome the pain. Do not retreat from the pain, but face it head on and look at it in an objective manner, so that it has no influence over you. Take a look back at those difficult moments and times when you have felt less than yourself and how you allowed those times to define you.

Do not crumble at the rising of another’s sharp sword. Instead, stand strong and ask yourself in every negative situation,” Is this going to define me? What am I going to receive from it?” It’s our job to understand the implications of our heart story and what we choose to be true of us. Ask yourself, “What healing of the heart do I need to do in order to receive the truth of my heart?” It is only when we clear away the lies and see ourselves for who we are that we are able to be the queen who reigns with a beauty that may not be seen, but can be felt. This is the definition of internal beauty.

Don’t give in to negativity

The ugliness of envy, non-forgiveness, hatred, bitterness, and jealousy disconnect us from our intrinsic elegance and charm. These negative emotions brew deadly poisons in us that stop us from operating from a place of love and peace. I am sure you have heard it said that “hurt people hurt people.” By allowing these emotions to take up residency in our heart, our heart becomes calloused. Then we are unable to lead like a queen with grace and love. Our heart is a muscle and we must sweat out the toxins of the harmful negativity so that we can be all that we were destined to be.

Try to include a daily practice to not take what others say or do personally; instead learn to see through it so that you are not ruled by it. When we are able to see others and ourselves more clearly, we do not get trapped into blaming or judging others, and we can actually have more compassion and grace for them. We all have gifts of the heart and it is our responsibility to allow them to shine through and share them with the world. I would encourage you to reflect on your gifts and then write down 10 of your internal gifts on a piece of paper. I have heard it said that ‘inside beauty captures the world’. Inner grace can only be obtained when we have clear focus. The elegance of your spirit is what will always leave a legacy. You have to work hard at achieving inner beauty. Don’t allow yourself to stop thinking about which choices and actions will further your inner beauty and which will diminish it.

To extend the metaphor, don’t be the queen who just sits on her throne to be admired by others; instead, be the queen who shares her internal gifts with the world, leaving people better than you found them. The laws of compassion, graciousness and kindness for yourself and others are truly what will bring healing to the broken things in the world and they are at the heart of what it means to have internal beauty.

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