I encourage you to consider these non-traditional suggestions of stress relief that can help to live a more peaceful life.

3 non-traditional ways of stress relief

1. Set boundaries

Attending the event you didn’t want to actually go to, leaving the house for a commitment when you would rather stay home, taking on more responsibilities at work even though you are already overloaded with work, agreeing to something that doesn’t feel aligned with you, spending time with people who drain your energy — basically, saying “yes” when you want to say “NO!” Any of these sound like you?

Humans are wired to want to belong and be a part of a community. Because of this instinct, we often say yes to and do things we don’t want to do for the fear that someone will be angry with us, will not like us, or will stop engaging with us and we will be ‘left out’. Hence, we often end up doing things that cause us to feel more stressed and overwhelmed.

By firmly deciding where you will spend your time and what you will say yes to, you are saving your mental space and your time for things that fill up your cup and bring you joy while also allowing for the down time your body needs. Remember, if stress relief is your goal, boundaries are your friends.

Of course, setting boundaries is not easy work; you will have to work on finding the confidence to say No. Initially you may find it challenging and feel compelled to justify yourself and give reasons for saying No. Those who have a problem with you setting up boundaries are generally those who benefited from you not having them in the first place.

2. Spread kindness

“We do ourselves the most good doing something for others”
— Horrace Mann

Have you ever purchased a gift for someone that you knew they really wanted and then felt such warmth when you watch the expression on their face as they open it? This is the power of doing something nice for others as a means of reducing your own stress.

Small acts of kindness toward people you know as well as complete strangers can go a long way in boosting your mood, which in turn decreases your stress response.

Smiling at someone, holding the door for a stranger, sharing your baked goodies with your team at work, paying it forward by purchasing the coffee for the person behind you, or letting someone go in front of you in queue at the supermarket— these are small acts have big impact on your emotional state. Try random acts of kindness whenever and wherever you find the opportunity and soon you will see that your stress becomes much more manageable.

3. Laugh more

Laughter truly is the best medicine. It is something we undervalue and something we don’t do often enough. When you laugh, there is lots at play on a physiological level—the nervous system loves laughter! Studies have found that laughing stimulates the sympathetic nervous system. Also, when you laugh, you take in more oxygen and your blood get pumping, especially with those big belly laughs.

Can you think of a time you spent laughing over a funny movie, doing something foolish with a friend, or playing with children? After these events your mind feels clearer, and you feel lighter. The physiological and psychological benefits of laughing are plenty; the next time you’re feeling stressed, take 10-minutes to find a video that you know will make you laugh and feel the stress melt away! Or, if you’re having a rough day, just smile at yourself in the mirror, it’s OK even if it’s a fake smile.

The takeaway

“Calmness is the cradle of power,” said American novelist and poet Josiah Gilbert Holland. At the end of the day stress will always be with us, wherever we go, but by making a conscious effort to regularly do things that being stress relief and help you stay calm, you can rest assured that the wellness you strive for is well within your reach.

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I often tell my friends that they must laugh at least thrice a day. Thrice in the morning before breakfast; thrice at noon before you take your lunch and thrice at night before dinner. Nine, hearty laughing sessions can really get you all the benefits of Dr. Laughter – and you can be happy and healthy.

The smile of true bliss does not depend on outer conditions. It is there within us. We do not have to acquire it; we have but to rediscover it.

How laughter healed Normal Cousins

The healing powers of laughter have been well-researched and documented by medical experts in the West. A case in point is that of the well-known American journalist, Norman Cousins. He took to heart quite literally, the saying, “Laughter is the best medicine.” He was afflicted by a painful and degenerative disease of the spine. Doctors put him on strong medication to relieve pain and inflammation – but offered little hope of recovery.

Cousins had been a medical journalist early in his career, and was aware of emerging evidence that pessimism and depression could reduce the body’s capacity to resist and fight disease. By the same token, he told himself, a positive attitude should increase resistance and even help to overcome disease.

Norman Cousins took a bold decision. With his doctor’s cooperation, he decided to stop most of his medication, restricting his intake to large doses of vitamin C.

Then he began a course of positive thinking – and lots of laughter. “Nothing is less funny than being flat on your back, with every bone in your spine and joints hurting,” he wrote later, in his bestselling book, Anatomy of an Illness. He asked for a movie projector and a small screen to be placed in his room, and he began to view every day, funny movies and comedy shows recorded from the TV. Apart from this, he requested his nurses to read to him humorous books. He tells us that tears of laughter actually have a different chemical composition from tears of sadness!

“I made the discovery that ten minutes of genuine belly laughter had an anesthetic effect and would give me at least two hours of pain-free sleep,” Cousins wrote in his book.

Doctors take note

Noting the marked improvement in his condition, the doctors decided to sample his blood sedimentation rate – a crucial measure of inflammation – before and after each laughter session. They found that it fell slightly after each session, and continued to fall as the laughter therapy progressed.

A few months later, Cousins decided to write about his unorthodox cure in the prestigious New England Journal of Medicine. His article raised a few eyebrows, certainly; but it made quite a few medical experts smile.

Try laughter therapy

Now, we know that Cousins was not an isolated case. Laughter therapy has become more and more popular, and laughter clubs have sprung all over the world. Research has proved that laughter not only reduces stress and ceases pain, but actually seems to alter the body’s stress-and-immunity chemistry. It has also proven to ease depression, improve heart health and even burn calories! Go ahead, incorporate laughter in your daily routine…and laugh away your illnesses.

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Laughter is the antidote to the stress response

Research shows that people who laugh heartily on a regular basis have lower standing blood pressures than the average population. When we have a hearty laugh, our blood pressure initially increases and then decreases below normal levels. Our breathing becomes deeper, sending oxygen-enriched blood and nutrients throughout the body. With laughter, endorphins and other natural pain-relieving hormones are released, improving our ability to tolerate pain. Our ability to digest food also improves. So you are not only what you eat, but what you think and feel. Research indicates that the benefits of laughter occur as early as a smile.

How can we bring more smiles and laughter into our lives?

Make a joy list

Joel Goodman, Founder and Director of the Humor Project in Saratoga Springs, N.Y. suggests making a joy list: Put down five things you love to do, but have not done in a long time. This could be resuming former hobbies or contacting/meeting people whom you have not seen in a while. Choose two things on that list that you plan to do and write down a date and time when you will do the activities.

Create a humour library

Collect humorous memos, bumper stickers, books, movies and TV shows. The internet is packed with humorous focused websites and videos. Next time you are feeling a little down, read, listen and view.

Spend more time with folks who are fun to be with

Make a commitment to spending more time with those that are fun to be around. Think about someone whom you consider fun to be around. What makes that person attractive? Along with mental alertness and positive attitude, a large part of your answer will lie in them having a great send of humour and a sense of playfulness. Humour is an excellent tool to use on your path in life. Approaching life’s aggravations with humour has fewer harmful side effects, for humour can release feelings of hostility and at the same time provide an acceptable means of expressing and decompressing these feelings in an appropriate way.

Get to know what amuses you

Who are your favourite comedians? What types of humour do you like? For some it’s political humour… “When two politicians accuse each other of lying… they’re both telling the truth”, others like nonsense … “What does a 300 pound canary say?… CHURP!!!”, still others like philosophical humour … “I don’t believe in an afterlife, but I’m bringing a spare pair of underwear just in case.” Put on your humour filtered glasses and you are more likely to notice humorous occurrences that would have passed you by otherwise.

Become comfortable with appearing goofy

Overcome your “fear of foolishness.” C.W. Metcalf and Roma Felible authors of Lighten Up: Survival Skills for People Under Pressure, suggests that when an embarrassing moment happens to you, choose to see it as a humorous incident. This will prevent the negative physiological effects that will occur if you view the event as a life threat [“I was so embarrassed I wish I were dead”]. Take the risk of sharing the incident with others and nine out of ten times they will see the humour and thank you for sharing it.

Checkout the Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor. They actually have a Humour Academy. A three year course to become a Certified Humour Professional. Yes, I’m a C.H.P. and proud of it!

Humour is the healthiest coping mechanism you can use to deal with the absurdities of life. I used humour to literally get back on my feet after a diagnosis of severe arthritis. If you lose hope and are taken over by fear, you become helpless. If you use humour and focus on a positive outlook you can get through anything. You can learn to use humour like Judo, fending off attacks from a different angle. When the arthritis attacked, humour was my defense.

Remember, if something is thrown at you and you meet it straight on, you will fall backward. This is true for any ‘problem’ that attacks you. If you have a good sense of humour you can slide to the side and look at it from a different perspective. Humour is not a cure-all, but the positive emotions brought on by humour and a good laugh can have a positive effect on your overall wellness.

The post How humour can help you heal your body and stay healthy appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

“Better than money, praise and personal gestures motivate your workers,” says The Wall Street Journal, “Things that don’t cost  a lot of money are ironically the most effective.” If you can add a bit of levity to the mix all the better. Co-workers who have fun together, share a laugh, guffaw or chuckle are the same co-workers who will go the extra mile, above and beyond what is expected of them and they’ll do it happily. Why? Because they feel appreciated.

If you pulled into a parking lot of your workplace and found a rock band playing, people swaying to the music and hot dogs and hamburgers grilling for lunch, you would think you were at a party. Nope. You would be at CX-Tec, in Syracuse, New York. Once you walk into the building, a three story dinosaur in the foyer will greet you, instantly telling you, ‘this is a place that encourages fun’. As you continue into the building you find that each employee decorates their cubicle any way they wish. Daily contests give employees $5.00 gasoline cards and gift cards to local cafe’s. Holidays and special events are celebrated with gusto in this lighthearted energetic company. The atmosphere is joyous. Who wouldn’t want to work there?

Do silly things. Be wild. Treat your employees like your friends. If none of this sounds familiar to you, maybe you need to suggest a little fun to your boss and see what happens. The workplace should have an atmosphere where people just can’t wait to get to work in the morning and hate to leave when the day is done.  It should be a place where creativity and excitement are rampant. You should hear laughter in the hallways and see miles of smiles in the isles. Create a workplace culture where laughter and silliness encourages productivity, loyalty and longevity.

Here are ideas from some of the most successful companies in the world

• Organise laughter yoga classes during lunch hours. You could also organize these before or after important monthly or quarterly review meetings when the stress levels seem to sky rocket. Attendance should be mandatory.
• Thank you Thursday! Last Thursday of each month have pizza and cake in the break to celebrate any positive occurrence that month
• Hang quirky and humorous posters at the water cooler, printer and outside the restrooms
• Designate a space on company property for an employee veggie garden.
• Encourage employees to play games at lunch and break time. They could play ping pong, volley ball, Nerf basket ball or you could also have some toys like rubik’s cube, slinky or a hula hoop. Playing with these toys at work has also shown to increase creativity and ideation.
• Deliver candy with your office memo
• Have a comedy break room with DVD’s of stand up comics or funny TV shows. You could also organize a movie screening where you play a funny or motivational movie once a month
• Give a bunch of balloons each week to the person with the highest sales
• Monthly employee nights at comedy clubs, restaurants or theaters
• Give gift cards of local cafes and eateries for best weekly performers
• Have a humour board where employees can post jokes or funny pictures. The one contributing the most per week wins a prize.

People want to feel appreciated and to know that they matter. Perks like these show your employees that they matter. It makes them feel that their time at work is valued. But remember, employees will only lighten up as much as they feel they are allowed to at their workplace. So this has to be driven from the top and managers have to set an example by walking the talk. You’ve got nothing to lose and research has found that happier people are just more productive.

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Do humorous people have an edge on lasting relationships and happiness? Theorists suggest that humour and laughter is in fact a survival tool for social animals. “Laughter not just influences a person physically, but also psychologically. It is one of the most commonly experienced emotions in our lives,” says Nandita Sarma, a counsellor and psychologist from Mumbai. “We need people who can laugh at our jokes and also people who can make us laugh. Whether it is choosing friends or partners, we prefer to associate with people who bring a lighter touch to our daily activities, as laughter makes a person feel good.”

Builds bonds

You can use humour when you feel nervous or to keep long-term relationships from withering. “I had an arranged marriage and had to establish a rapport with the new person in my life and my in-laws. I realised that being serious will not help, especially in a marriage, where there will often be conflicts. I found that using subtle humour helps to ease the situation and ensures that I get the message across to my new family members,” says Paromita Sarkar.

Humour is an amazing ice breaker, especially when new relationships are being formed. Alison Miranda recounts the first family event that she took her fiancé James to: “My family decided to celebrate Mother’s day with a lunch at my 96-year-old grandmother’s house. James had already met my parents but I thought it would be the perfect opportunity for him to meet the rest of my family. My grandmother has a hearing problem, and she was silent despite all of us being there. The nurse that looks after my grandma is somewhat superstitious and has some outdated ideas. Someone had brought mangoes for dessert, so the nurse refused to give them to her, saying she shouldn’t eat mangoes since she’d just had water. Various members of my family told her it was alright for my grandma to have the mango and that she was mixing it up with the lore of not eating watermelons after drinking water. But she was still apprehensive about giving my grandma the mangoes. My fiancé sat quietly through all the commotion, then he turned to her and said, ‘Elsie, I’m a doctor, so I’m saying that it is fine for her to eat the mangoes, just make sure she waits for one hour before she goes swimming.’ That had everyone in splits, including my grandma who started laughing!” Alison’s family are certainly looking forward to the hilarious new addition to their family.

Useful as a coping mechanism

When life’s challenges leave you cold and bare, a humorous attitude can be a great coping mechanism. “When the going gets tough, the tough get humorous,” believes RamG Vallath. In the prime of his life, a serious autoimmune disorder stripped away his basic motor skills. He rebounded with the support of his family and his never-say-die attitude. He ensured that he remained positive by infusing ample humour in his conversations with his family and friends. “When I had the disorder, my hands used to shake all the time,” he says, “I made fun of it saying, ‘I used to work in sales, so I was used to shaking people’s hands all the time, and now I have developed a handshaking problem.’” Humour helped him cope during this difficult phase. “While I was recovering, I started writing my first book, which was full of humour. The process of writing made me feel positive,” reveals Vallath .

Defuses tension

Conflict in relationships is inevitable. Unrealistic expectations and disagreements that build over time can snowball into a major conflict. Instead of letting a conflict wreck your relationship, we can use humour to lighten tense moments. Raviprasad illustrates how he used humour to handle an edgy situation. “When I told my family that I had proposed to a girl of my choosing, the atmosphere became quite tense. My father called me after a few days and said, ‘Ever since your mom informed me about your engagement, I cannot sleep properly thinking about [you marrying] this girl.’ My  immediate response was, ‘Dad, even I cannot sleep properly, since I too am thinking about the girl…’ My dad started laughing, which lightened the situation and he wanted to know more about the girl. Now, she is my wife and also the mother of my child,” he says with a twinkle in his eye.

Humour can lessen stress, give you a fresh perspective and show you creative ways to deal with relationship issues.

Key to success at work

When you spend 80 per cent of your time at work, why not make it more enjoyable with humour? Business is serious, but playful communication at the workplace contributes to better productivity and professional success. “At work, the most important thing is to build a relationship so that the other feels comfortable with you. As we have already seen, humour is a powerful icebreaker—and it works even at our workplaces. “Whenever I walk into a meeting room, I lighten the situation with a couple of sentences that are funny. Everybody chuckles and we feel at home with the group,” says Vallath.

Ranbir Singh recalls an incident when an unintentional faux pas created a rather funny situation. It was when his company sent him to Spain. He recalls, “I had to present a PowerPoint slideshow about my company to another group and they weren’t too open to the idea of working with us. Unfortunately during the presentation, the sound went off and the slide got stuck. As much as I tried, nothing seemed to be working. I was totally mortified and wanted to convey my feelings, but I had forgotten the Spanish word for ‘embarrass’. Then I remembered that most Spanish words are similar to English words, except that you add an ‘o’ or ‘a’ to end depending on the gender of the word. So I said ‘Me muy embarazado’ to apologise for the goof-up. But my apology was met with stunned silence as everyone just stared at me. My colleague then informed me that I had just told everyone that I was ‘very pregnant’! But luckily this faux pas actually endeared these people to me because they realised that I was making an effort to learn their language. Today, they are my clients.”

Ways to sharpen your funny bone

Not all people find the same things funny. Some researchers claim one can inherit a sense of humour, while other studies suggest that humour is an acquired trait, which is dependent on your personality and your environment.

Acquired or inherited, there are methods by which you can sharpen your sense of humour if you want to make your relationships better. Here are few ways to develop your lighter side:

• Learn to laugh at yourself: Most of us are unable to laugh at ourselves, because we fear what others will think of us. But nobody is perfect, and when you laugh at yourself, people appreciate your positive attitude. Possible areas where you can focus include your mistakes, past incidents or your personality. However, excessive self-deprecating humour can indicate low self-esteem.
• Look for humour: A witty person is aware of his surroundings and happenings. Pay attention to detail and see the funny side in everything you do to make your humour spontaneous.
• Hang around humorous people: Remember the last time when you laughed so hard that you were in pain? Spend more time with people who are fun to be with. Humorous people tend to twist the truth in a funny way. You will learn by watching how they make others laugh, and this will help you improve your own sense of humour.
• Respond with humour: Whenever people make remarks that are meant to offend you, remember that humour works better than an angry retaliation. Once Mahatma Gandhi went to meet King George V at Buckingham Palace, when a journalist asked him, “Don’t you feel embarrassed to see the king in this scanty attire?” To which Gandhi responded, “Why should I feel ashamed? The king has enough on for the both of us.”
• Immerse yourself in funny things: One of the easiest ways to become funnier is to fill up on a lot of humorous material—books, TV shows, movies, sites and video clips. Observe how comedians use the most trivial things for clean humour. Notice their timing, delivery and gestures. It may help you change the way you perceive things. With time and practice, you too will start coming up with your own ‘killer’ jokes.

Once humour becomes part of your life, you will learn how to naturally incorporate it to build and maintain your relationships and diffuse potential conflicts.

This was first published in the October 2014 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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Leaders of countries, including Prime Minister Modi and President Mukherjee, are no doubt motivated by all four because their careers afford them all four of those motivators. But that doesn’t happen to many people.

Perhaps you go to work every morning just so that you earn enough money to make a good living for yourself and your family. Maybe the security of your job helps you relax, so you can enjoy other things in your life. If your career gives you power or fame, perhaps money isn’t your greatest motivator.

I have learned over the years that I am not motivated by any of those four. Instead, I believe with all my heart that I have been motivated completely by the search for happiness. I want to be happy in this life. If what I do for a living did not make me happy, I’d choose another career even if it paid less than the one I have. And the one I have as a writer and a speaker doesn’t pay that much, believe me, but it makes me happy.

I’m one of the happiest people I know

Over the years I have travelled, read, played, loved and experienced life to the best of my ability. I’m your average woman who lives life simply, one day at a time, just like most people. Like most ordinary people, I know a little bit about a lot of things, but not a whole lot about any one thing. I’m not a gorgeous beauty, nor do I spend hours every day trying to be. I don’t obsess about exercise or food. I do my best, but I don’t waste time beating myself up if I gain a few pounds or eat too many sweets.

I have a good husband, relatives and friends who love me. I have a small, stress-free condo that’s paid for, and the sun, beaches, swimming pools and a good bicycle to keep me healthy and happy.

I believe with all my heart that I have been motivated completely by the search for happiness. I want to be happy in this life

Honestly, I’m one of the happiest people I know. I do not believe for one nanosecond that money or wealth makes anyone happy. Even though I don’t have a lot of money, I’ve lived an interesting, fulfilling, relatively stress-free life with more adventures than most of my friends who have lots more money than I have. Happiness is a goal I have achieved for most of my life.

It helps that I’m a frugal soul who still looks for restaurant coupons in the paper, buys many of my clothes at consignment shops, and enjoys the thrill of a good bargain. But the main ingredients of happiness have nothing to do with being frugal or for that matter with money at all.

It cannot be found outside

My years of experiences have taught me that nothing that is outside of ourselves makes us happy. Nothing. Not good health, free time, luxuries, being in control of others or being successful in business or finance. Happiness comes from within. It’s a state of mind, an attitude.

How do I know this? Because I’ve met people who are very happy and yet they struggle from pay cheque to pay cheque. I’ve met people who are happy and yet they’re in poor health or physically challenged in ways we cannot even comprehend. I’ve met people who have more money than they could spend in a lifetime and yet they are not happy. Being successful can only make you happy as long as the happiness comes from doing something with your life that has something to do with the talents you were given at birth. If it’s money that drives you, chances are you are not truly, intrinsically happy.

My years of experiences have taught me that nothing that is outside of ourselves makes us happy

Many times when people become executives who are in control of many people, their lives simply become so stressful and busy that they barely have time to tie their shoes, let alone step back and actually enjoy their wealth, power or business success. The pressure to keep the status quo is so great that they can’t leave work for one minute, even when they’re trying to relax at home with their families. Their cell phones, computers, iPads and other electronic gadgetry make sure that their minds are never more than a click away from running things.

It’s never in the future

Another thing I’ve learned about happiness is that it doesn’t matter what’s ahead for us in this great scheme of things. What matters is whether or not we’re happy today. Right now. Are you? I am. I really, truly am.

I was raised in a happy two-parent family with hard-working parents who instilled good moral values in my life. I graduated from college, married, divorced, lived in five different states and raised four children with very little income. Thanks to inexpensive friend passes on airlines where some friends worked, I’ve seen much of the world and had amazing adventures. However, it wasn’t the adventures that made me happy. It was [and is] having the freedom and the determination to never say no to an opportunity that makes me happy. The strength to be adventurous and happy comes from being bold, taking chances.

It doesn’t matter what’s ahead for us in this great scheme of things. What matters is whether or not we’re happy today

For some, the ability to be happy is clouded by worry, stress, despair, fear or not being able to forgive or ask for forgiveness. Whenever any of those things hang over my head like a huge black umbrella, I fix it. I talk to friends, get counselling, pray, write about my feelings, sort things out logistically, then often I take a vacation to make sure I’m not running on empty… even if it’s just an afternoon walk along the beach. I know I have to get rid of the negative things in my life if my goal is to be a happy person.

It’s my job alone

Along the way I discovered that the only person who can make me happy is me. It’s not fair to blame someone else if I’m unhappy because it’s not their job. The job of making me happy is mine alone.

Over the years I’ve asked many people what, according to them, were the five ingredients to happiness and invariably they blurt out “lots of money” or “a bigger retirement fund.” Or they name things money can buy: “A bigger house”, “an expensive automobile”, “a trip around the world”, “a yacht”, “real diamonds”, “a maid” and so on. Or they say something too difficult to accomplish like, “World peace, perfect health or a cure for all diseases.”

Once at a holiday party that a big company was sponsoring, the attendees were in a festive free-for-all mood. During an after-dinner speech I was giving, I asked the audience, “What makes you happy?” A woman raised her hand, giggled, then shouted, “Great sex and good chocolate!” We all had a big laugh; then I reminded her that both are temporary and being intrinsically happy is a much bigger, longer-lasting feeling.

Another older woman at a church group said good health had to be one of the most important ingredients to real happiness. I reminded her that we all know people who don’t have good health or are physically challenged in some way and yet are quite happy with their lives.

You may be asking, “What happens when life throws me a curve? What happens when a loved one gets cancer? Or teenagers are brutally slaughtered by one of their own? Or a family member gets involved in drugs? Or a marriage fails? How do you find happiness as a refugee in a country where tens of thousands of people are pushed out of their homes by enemy soldiers? How can people be happy when they’ve lost their homes because of the raging fury of devastating tornadoes, hurricanes, floods or earthquakes?”

It’s not fair to blame someone else if I’m unhappy because it’s not their job. The job of making me happy is mine alone

The five ingredients for happiness

How do you find happiness when life throws a curve? The same way you find happiness on a normal day when the sun is shining and the boss is happy and your spouse not only did the laundry last night but gave you a tender hug before you left in the morning. You depend on the five ingredients for happiness: someone to love, something to do, something to hope for, something to believe in and laughter. You simply grab on to them with even more grit and determination. When you’re caught in the midst of a gully-washing nightmare in life is when you really need someone to love more than any other time. When the chips are down is when you need something to do to begin to repair and rebuild. When life seems its bleakest is when we must have something to hope for on a grand scale. Something to believe in makes it possible to go on. And laughter makes the journey worthwhile and fun.

I believe that if we have the five ingredients, our lives will naturally be happy. The best thing is that all five are easily attainable. All five start from deep within ourselves and grow and flourish until our happiness quotient bubbles up and out and becomes contagious. Before you know it, not only are you happy but you’re helping to make others happy as well. What a concept!

1. Someone to love

I believe it. I live it. After all, what good am I if I don’t walk the talk? The fact is simple. I’m happy and I know why. Anybody can be happy if you have someone to love. That’s the first ingredient to happiness. Someone to love. Notice I didn’t say someone to love me. Or someone to love you. No, I said someone to love. It’s the act of loving someone else that makes us happy.

Personally, I’m blessed with so many people to love that it’s no wonder that I am conscious of being happy every day of my life. I love my amazing father and step mom. They head the list because they’re the oldest and deserve the most respect. Dad [95] and Bev [90] have been married since 1982 [my mother died in 1979].

I love my four incredible children—Jeanne, Julia, Michael and Andrew. I think the fact that I dragged them through two marriages and two divorces makes me love them all the more because they survived and they are all incredible, smart, interesting and talented humans. I am very proud and happy to have them in my life. Three have spouses, one is in a relationship, and they all have children. They’ve given me nine incredible grandchildren to love.

I have one brother and one sister, a sister-in-law and a brother-in-law. Three nieces, one nephew, dozens of cousins and only one aunt still alive out of 12 aunts and uncles. It’s a good family, scattered all over the country, but when we get together we enjoy each other and every minute of our time together. And like I said, I am totally aware every day of my life how much I love this family of mine.

The interesting part of loving someone else is that it usually produces a boomerang effect. The love we give out is almost always returned back to us. But it isn’t about being loved in return. It’s about simply loving someone, nourishing that love. Give anyone—a spouse, child, parent, other relative, friend, neighbour, co-worker or teacher—your time, energy and devotion and bam! Happiness becomes a part of your life. It’s the act of loving someone else that makes us happy.

Anybody can be happy if you have someone to love. That’s the first ingredient to happiness. Someone to love

2. Something to do

Will the person who doesn’t have something to do please stand up? We all have plenty to do, don’t we? Something to do is one of the five ingredients to happiness because we must have something worthwhile to fill up our days or our whole purpose for being on this earth is for nothing.

We need to be productive members of society, working to make things better in our world. Whether we have a career outside the home or we work at home taking care of our families, most of us have plenty to do, so it isn’t a problem. However, many older retired people actually don’t have enough to do and that’s when they need to get off the sofa, turn off the TV and volunteer their time to help others if they want this piece of the happiness puzzle.

Even when we plan a vacation where we can escape to an island and do nothing for days on end, we invariably get tired and bored with nothing to do. After a few days of sun, sand, sea, surf and little drinks with umbrellas in them, we sit up, dust off the sand and say, “Hey, let’s do something today! Let’s go exploring. Let’s go into town, go for a hike, try snorkelling, visit the local museum. I can’t stand to sit here another minute!”

The trick is finding the right things to do. It could be noble things, interesting things or helpful things. Volunteering, no matter how old you are, is absolutely one of the best things we can do with our lives. Isn’t the Golden Rule all about doing for others that which we would want them to do for us? Donate your time, talent and treasures so that others may have better lives. It’s something to do and will most definitely make you happy.

Volunteering, no matter how old you are, is absolutely one of the best things we can do with our lives

3. Something to hope for

The one thing that prevents us from becoming a world full of babbling psychotic, depressed, stressed-out individuals during this highly stressful 21st century is the third thing on my list of five ingredients for happiness: something to hope for. This one is imperative because without the hope that some things in our lives will change or be different or get better, then we simply have no reason to look to the future. Quite simply having a hope or a dream makes us happy.

Why do you think so many older people in homes for the elderly are so unhappy? They have no one to love, little to do and nothing to hope for. Many just sit around in wheelchairs waiting to die. Hope is such a splendid gift because it buoys us up in times of tragedy, bad health, lost jobs, death of a loved one, divorce, or any of life’s pitfalls.

Here’s an assignment. Write your dream or goal on a piece of paper… at least one thing you’d like to do, accomplish or experience before you die. Something that will make you happy once you do it. Place that paper on your refrigerator, on top of your computer, or on the bathroom mirror… any place where you’ll see it every day. And then get busy making that dream come true. You are the only person responsible to make your dreams or goals come true. Make sure your dream is something you can control. Winning the lottery doesn’t count.

When I speak to groups I often have the participants write down their dreams on paper that I collect. At least 90 per cent of all dreams that people have seem to fall into one of eight categories—get rich, retire, travel, lose weight, get more education, change careers, dreams for others [they want their kids or grandkids to be happy and successful, etc.] and what I refer to as the impossible dreams: world peace or a cure for all diseases.

Hope is such a splendid gift because it buoys us up in times of tragedy, lost jobs, illness, divorce, or any of life’s pitfalls

Years ago, I asked a group of my women friends to share their dreams or goals. Connie said she wanted to become an accomplished writer and make enough money to also be a philanthropist. Her first dream may take 20 years like it does most writers, and the second may be out of her control. Hopefully she’ll fine-tune her goal into something like selling one article to a magazine in the next six months. It’s important to keep our goals, hopes and dreams in bite-size chunks so we can actually make them happen.

Elaine said she’d like to work with wood and find her creative voice. Bravo! Now there’s a dream that’s doable. I hope she’s enrolled in a woodworking class at a community college by now.

Deborah’s dream was to integrate her smarts and experience and talent into a position where she can make a difference in the world. Sounds like she could use the help of a good career counsellor who can help find out where her strengths lie and what her options are.

Kitty wanted to visit Iceland, write about her travels and get her travelogues published. She went on the trip, kept a detailed journal and sold a few articles about her experiences.

Jean, who was in her mid-70s at the time, wanted to finish the eighth edition of a college textbook she wrote years ago and to keep her health in top shape by continuing her weight training and her three mile walks every day. Jean’s dreams and goals kept the younger ones in our group inspired to the max. Now in her 90s, Jean has finished even more editions to her college text and still exercises every day.

Karen, who worked as a home health nurse, said her goal was to become a more positive influence at work. She said her work environment had become riddled with rumours and back-biting gossip and she wanted to be a catalyst for helping change the attitude and camaraderie on the job. She said she was going to bring in a box to work where fellow employees could drop the funniest, most outrageous things that happened at work. Her dream was to replace stress with laughter on the job.

Whitney, in her early 20s, was working on her Ph.D. She said her goal was to facilitate a woman’s group like the one in my home that evening. She wanted to encourage and empower women. Right on!

What’s your dream? What is it you’re hoping for? Whether you’re 18 or 98, write it down and then get busy making it come true. Something to hope for is the most delightful of the five things we need to be happy because hope and dreams give our lives wings.

It’s important to keep our goals, hopes and dreams in bite-size chunks so we can actually make them happen

4. Something to believe in

Something to believe in is critical in this happiness puzzle because it takes care of all those things we simply can’t understand or explain. It’s a place to tuck away the scary parts of life and simply stop worrying. Having something to believe in is a gigantic comfort. Faith in your belief system is a gift. Some have the gift, some don’t. Something to believe in: faith, religion, spirituality, a being greater than ourselves, like happiness itself, must come from within.

The religions of the world provide us with deities: God, Mohammed, Buddha, Jesus, Confucius and many, many more. Hinduism has diverse beliefs and traditions but no single deity. Each religion has a history and ability to quell our spiritual fears and anxieties. If we want to be truly happy, we need to relax and let religion do its thing. In Christianity, there’s a saying, “Let go and let God.” In other words, go to God with your problems, fears, anxieties and then relax. Have faith that God, or whatever deity you believe in, will do for you what you can’t do for yourself.

It’s nobody’s responsibility to force feed faith into my veins and make me faith-filled just like it’s nobody’s responsibility to make me happy. I have the gift of faith. I appreciate the fact that I have that gift. I use it daily because my faith tells me that I can’t solve all of life’s problems. But I can turn them over to my God. Faith is a lovely gift. I don’t think it’s something I can create for others, but it is a gift that goes a long way in the pursuit of happiness.

5. Laughter

I’m a big fan of laughter. The gift of laughter is such an important ingredient for happiness that I’ve saved it for last. It’s the one ingredient that turns happiness into joy, into giggles, into slap-your-thigh outrageous wonderment and delight at life itself. Laughter is happiness turned vocal.

Laughter is in my key-ingredients-for-happiness list because it is a critical part of our physical and mental wellbeing. Joy from our inner souls spills out from our bodies as laughter. Laughter helps us physically by elevating our thymus cells that are used in defence against viruses and rejection of foreign tissues. Laughter releases endorphins, which also help build up the immune system that keeps us healthy by fighting off sickness, germs, viruses, infections and disease. Laughter massages our internal organs and increases oxygen to the blood by 10 times, thus raising our energy levels.

Laughter reduces our blood pressure. A minute of hearty laughter can produce a heart rate equal to that of 10 minutes of rowing on an exercise machine. Laughter benefits the respiratory tract, helping people at risk for pulmonary infection to clear their lungs of air containing carbon dioxide and water vapour and replace it with oxygen-rich air. Coughing produced by laughter can clear the trachea and bronchi of mucus. Laughter makes you breathe from a deeper place in the lungs. It relaxes the skeletal muscles in the arms and legs to improve circulation.

Laughter turns happiness into joy, into giggles, into slap-your-thigh outrageous wonderment and delight at life itself

Laughter also helps us mentally. It improves our moods, reduces depression, helps us sleep and it brings us into the present where there is love and hope, and away from the past where there may be sadness or regret. When laughter is a part of a conversation it helps you remember things you say and things you hear. Watching a funny movie can eliminate tension and anger and greatly ease depression.

Career counsellors and human resource professionals look for people with a good sense of humour and an ability to laugh because studies have shown that such people have better problem-solving skills and are usually more creative than people who don’t have a sense of humour.

You may be saying, “That’s easy for you to say, but I’m not funny.” You don’t have to be a natural born comedian to put laughter into your life. Share jokes you hear at work with your friends. Put a rubber chicken in your guest bed when you have houseguests. Wear a crazy hat to your next party. Play harmless practical jokes that will make the people you care about laugh with delight and then plot ways to return the laughter. Tell stories about the dumb or silly things you’ve done in your life. Hang out with funny people and let it rub off on you. Go to funny movies. And remember, you don’t stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.

So, be happy…because it’s easy

So, you can see that happiness in this world is not that difficult to find—you can make it happen. It just takes five simple things: someone to love, something to do, something to hope for, something to believe in and laughter. All of which you have.

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“Laughter,” says Dr Bradley Wilde [USA], “provides a rhythmic movement of the abdominal muscles, gently massages the intestinal organs, improves digestion and blood circulation.”

In the Harvard and Yale Universities of America and at the University of California Los Angeles’s Neuro-psychiatric Institute at West Los Angeles, neuro-biologists and medical researchers have confirmed that smiling, laughing and cheerful expressions set in motion happy waves in the mind and generate neuropeptides that revitalize the immune system. This helps prevent and fight disease. People who stay away from negative thoughts and emotions such as jealousy, envy or greed, are healthier than those who live cloistered, unhappy lives.

Why you should laugh more

Many modern hospitals and clinics display messages like: “Laugh your way to health”, “Laughter may be hazardous to your illness” and “Cheerfulness is the new wonder drug”.

Doctors are of the view that our blood molecules contain receptors that get signals from the brain. If a person is happy and content, the receptors transmit signals of happiness, and healing is accelerated. Modern science has discovered that the more you laugh, the healthier you become. Science has even established that cheerful physicians are more effective than grumpy, serious doctors as patients respond better to them.

Cheerfulness is the greatest lubricant of the wheels of life. It diminishes pain, fights disease, mitigates misfortunes, lightens burdens and eases one’s life.

The importance of cheerfulness

A young girl, suffering from a dreaded disease, was brought to a hospital. When she was being prepared to be taken to the operation theatre, she found the nurses sad and glum. “I know what you are thinking,” she said to the nurses. “But, let me tell you, I am not going to die so soon. God has other plans for me. I have spoken to Him and that is what He has told me.” When she was taken to the operation theatre, she kidded the doctors, until she came under the influence of the anaesthesia. The doctors opened her up and found that cancer had spread so extensively, that it was no use performing the operation. So they stitched her up.

When she regained consciousness, she was told that she has only 3 – 6 months to live. She was advised to restrict her movements and live a relaxed, activity-free life.

The young woman was not taken in. “I have long cherished a desire to visit Switzerland,” she said. “And even if it takes the life out of me, I will do it! Switzerland is known as the heaven on earth. Before I visit God’s heaven, let me see the beauty of the earthly heaven to be able to compare the two and decide which one is better.”

The doctors did all they could to dissuade her. “The strain of the trip will kill you,” they said to her. But she remained adamant, and guess what? Both the travel and the climate did her good. When she set out, she had to be taken in a wheelchair; when she returned, she walked with a straight gait, and a rose-tint on her cheeks. The doctors were amazed. Till this day she lives a happy life and bears testimony to the fact that if you live cheerfully, not focusing your attention on disease and illness, health and strength, vigour and vitality will be yours. Cheerfulness is a virtue that has enormous value in your daily life.

Cheerfulness is therapeutic

There would be no need for hospitals if only people could be happy and light-hearted!

Two years ago, on the sacred day of Muharram, they took me to Imam Bara. There, I met a man who went by the name Mr Agha. He said to me: “Your people, I am aware, do a lot of service. But, I too, in my own humble way, render service to people.”

“What do you do?” I asked him.

“I appear on the TV, and make people laugh!”

How true! Those who make people laugh, also serve. Many of us have forgotten the ancient art of laughing.

Cheerfulness is therapeutic, indeed.

How to stay cheerful — simple and effective ways

I wish to share with you a few practical suggestions on how a person can keep up the spirit of cheerfulness.

Start your day on a happy note

Wake up in the morning with a smile on your face and the words, “Good morning, Lord!” on your lips. These words are from the title of a book written several years ago by an American businessman. He has been waking up this way for many years and says that doing merely this much has added a new dimension to his life. You can tweak this affirmation in your own way, so long as it ensures that your day starts on a happy note.

Look at the bright side

Always look at the bright side of things. Everything has two sides, the bright and the dark or as I wish to put it, the bright and the less bright. But it is the way you look at it that matters. Optimism is a powerful ally of cheerfulness.

Laugh heartily at least thrice a day

Get a hearty laugh at least three times a day—once before breakfast, once before lunch and once before dinner. If you find it difficult to laugh for no reason, look into the mirror and make funny faces at yourself. Or read/watch something funny.

The takeaway

Cheerfulness is indeed a physical, mental and spiritual tonic. By striving to be cheerful, you are not only adding joy and love to your own life but also making this world a more joyful place, one cheer at a time.

The post The value and importance of cheerfulness appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.