Once you go to a government office or a public sector bank and see employees working hard whenever they get time from having endless tea, cigarette, lunch and snack breaks, you realise why so many of our brethren are dying to be labelled backward. If Amroha Nagar Palika received 19,000 applications and that too mostly from BA, BSc, MA, BTech and MBA candidates for 114 posts of safai karamchari [sweepers], you can imagine how scary it is out there.

Conquering the final frontier

It is a huge achievement when you finally get an interview call. So what if it’s after 5,874 rejections, heartbreaks, and ‘how-dare-they-think-I-am not good-enough’ rants! Now that you have reached the final frontier, you transform into a marketeer about to sell a ghastly tasting tea as a weight reducing miracle beverage. Not everyone is your Mom who thinks you are the best thing to have happened to mankind after Darjeeling tea.

I’m not suggesting everyone lies to get a job. But then even Yudhishthira ‘misspoke’ the truth to put an end to a bloody war that lasted 18 days. Thankfully, a typical interview lasts anything between 20 and 30 minutes within which you have to convince a bunch of grim looking strangers that you are the harbinger of their achhe din! This is the time when you get to unleash the power-hungry politician in you and make promises you have no intention of keeping. It does help if you package yourself well and try to look and sound intelligent. After all, not many take Rahul Gandhi seriously despite his impressive lineage.

What you really mean

Remember the time you wooed that hottie online? You told her you were a six feet something who loved surfing and stays up all night reading Plato and Plath with the book placed on his six pack abs. How quickly she fell for you! It helped that she lived
in Nicaragua and would never find that you’d never been near the ocean or the gym and you spend all night watching porn.

Likewise, an interview is an opportunity to be as creative as possible with the truth. If you’ve ever doubted your talents, here’s a concise list of your misspoken truths and what they actually mean.

When you say – I pride myself as a team player and have never had disagreements with my colleagues. I’m patient, understanding and kind to every single person at the office. Even those I don’t get along with.

What you really mean – I work well only with those who agree with me. The ones who have problems with my style of working are either jealous of me or too stupid to recognise my genius.

When you say – I just love what you’re wearing!

What you’re thinking – I hope my desperation to get this job is not showing!

When you say – I have always wanted to work for an organisation with mission, vision and values. It would be a dream-come-true to work here.

What you really mean – I don’t even know what these words mean! But they sound pompous and idealistic; besides, they make me sound good.

When you say – I resigned from my previous job because it did not help me reach my true potential. Of course, the management refused to accept my resignation but I was adamant. Everyone cried at my farewell party.

What you really mean – I just need a new job to hate. When I finally put in my papers, everyone at my office cried with relief. I just hope they all die and to make sure they do, I shall fast for 56 consecutive Mondays.

When you say – I always give my 100 per cent to the organisation.

What you really mean – The decimal that comes right after 1 is only visible to me. Hehehehe!

When you say – If there’s anything I do not like about me is my quest for perfectionism. I don’t mind the extra hours I have to put in to deliver the perfect package.

What you really mean – I have never met a deadline in my entire lifetime and my last boss had a nervous breakdown waiting for me to complete the job assigned to me. Last heard he had relocated to an ashram in Rishikesh where he scours utensils in the kitchen.

When you say – I have never shied from taking a tough call. If you don’t drive accountability, you’d have happy employees but a bankrupt company.

What you really mean – I once caught one of the team members spitting in my tea. Last Diwali someone put a live ‘phataka’ [firecracker] under my seat. It’s a miracle I did not die of heart failure.

When you say – I am an avid reader, traveller, wildlife photographer

What you really mean – Lol, are you kidding me? The only wildlife I have photographed is my wife! I am an avid reader of Facebook posts. And commuting two hours each way to reach my workplace is travel, right?

When you say – Five years from now I see myself as a valuable employee of your esteemed organisation mentoring juniors and helping them realise their true potential.

What you really mean – Five years from now I’ll have your job. When I sit on your side of the table, I’ll make sure nobody gets the job the way I did. By faking it.

Such glib talking will ensure that these fools will fall for you hook, line and sinker. You can now look forward to a match made in heaven. Of course, most relationships are made in China [they rarely last forever], especially the ones based on lies. But while you’re still a couple, you can keep pretending your boss dearest is the best thing to have happened to you in public, and bitch about her in private. Thankfully you won’t have to wait seven years to get the ‘seven year itch’.  At the first signs of restlessness, you can start sailing the ocean in search of a juicier new catch and prepare a new set of lies to net that big fish.

The post The lies we speak in a job interview [and what we actually mean] appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

The reality: sometimes we need a little help from our friends—even in the professional world.

The interview call came in while I was in the waiting area of an emergency room awaiting test results of a family member. The question: to answer or not to answer? What was wrong with me; who thinks of such a thing at a time like this? I answered.

I had to contain my happy dance when I hung up the phone—it was just not appropriate at the entrance to an emergency room. So I danced in my mind; and it was a pretty good one!

I prepared well in the weeks ahead of the interview. I was like a kid in a candy store voraciously reading everything I could on employee wellness programmes and had, in my head and on paper, some killer answers to questions I thought they might ask. I documented my strengths and challenges and had a portfolio of successful projects that I thought would support my well-planned answers.

The day of the interview

My bedroom looked as though a bomb had gone off in it as I dressed that morning for my interview. I had planned the outfit ahead of time; yet last minute I switched gears and decided to go with less of a corporate look and more of a “I am smart and healthy, hire me” look.

I had an hour to prepare on my drive to the big interview. I used my mirror as a guide to help me not look grouchy, pompous or dumb as I responded to the questions I asked myself in my mind. I was feeling confident and ready when I stepped out of my car. I had this! The job was all but mine; they would be crazy not to hire me.

I was like a kid in a candy store voraciously reading everything I could on employee wellness programmes

I gave a firm handshake and an assured smile to the coordinator organising the big event. She handed me a stack of papers that included the job description and responsibilities. I was to review them before starting the interview. I scanned the five page document thinking how helpful this would have been had I received this while preparing for the interview. I imagined flipping through the document and aligning the expectations with my ‘prepped’ answers. Yes, that was what I would do—make the connection to the prep I had done. Got it!

My performance in the torture room

As I was escorted to the interview “torture” room as I now refer to it, we made small talk and I reassured myself that this was a good day, a new beginning, the next step. I could see myself working here, making a difference, finding my way to impactful leadership.

The interview room door opened, I took a deep breath, reassured myself and stepped into the room; eight serious faces [male and female] were staring at me as if I had five heads.

The questions started—and around the room we went like a merry-go-round. I was off and running, or so I thought until I realised my hands were sweating and the words coming out of my mouth sounded like someone who didn’t know how to talk and surely had no idea about wellness initiatives. What was happening?

I took a deep breath, imagined all the preparation… and then—the dreaded moment that I heard the interviewer ask me for clarification on an answer… twice. For a moment, I was gone, lost in the “Smith Stare” [what my family refers to when one simply looks ahead lost in thought in mid-conversation].

This was not happening. I was, for all intended purposes in my mind, rocking this interview. This was just a blip on the radar screen. I could pull this off! As the questions wrapped up, I blew off that one bad answer; I had done fairly well.

I could see myself working here, making a difference, finding my way to impactful leadership

I stood up confidently [in my mind at least], smiled and shook hands with all eight interviewers. When I came to person number four sitting on my left, he smiled brightly [I had won him over] and said, “Well you have a lot of energy, I will give you that!”  “Oh, thank you,” I said, in the moment, taking that statement as a vote of support.

I took one last look at them, and then it hit me… their faces looked like those of pity; not of cheering for the most awesome director candidate ever. I felt deflated. The air was feeling suffocatingly flat, like they were thinking: get this woman out of here.

Once out the door, I practically ran to my car. What had happened? I had prepared—I brought along a portfolio for goodness sake. Portfolio; what portfolio? I looked down and there it sat next to me on the passenger’s seat. Had I brought it in? Yes, yes I had. Yet, I set it on the floor next to my interview chair, and never once opened it.

Driving closer to home, the feeling of absolute panic began to set in. I had prepared so well. How could I face my colleague who had gone to bat for me? The torture artist interviewers were probably on the phone with him asking him what he possibly saw in the blubbering, sweating, fast talking, heavy breathing, and staring into nothingness candidate.

The air was feeling suffocatingly flat, like they were thinking: get this woman out of here

OK, take a deep breath, I told myself. Walk through the interview and analyse your answers. Perhaps, it wasn’t all that bad; and I really did kick some awesome interview butt. “Ms Covey, there are various budgets overseen in this role; tell me about your experience.” I rattled on about having experience with budgets, in various roles, doing various things and stuff. Then I rounded it out with a horrible career ending answer. “If you have seen one budget you have seen them all!” Yes, that would give them a fair idea of my eye for details, skill and ability.

Why didn’t I just stand up in the chair and tell them that I really didn’t want the job, that this was a joke by my colleague to see how much they could take? I had fallen out of my head, I was like a babbling monkey who could not seem to slow down her brain. I was wanting the job so much that it oozed out of my every pore. Give it to me, give it to me, give it to me!

Why did I fare so miserably

Our inner adventurer, that voice that talks to us and tells us that we can do anything and be anything is our friend. It can be very useful and without it we may not take the necessary risk and steps to get to where we want to be. And sometimes, we get so hyped up on an idea or a thought that we find ourselves behaving in a way that is not how we would have envisioned.

I did not get that job; and have never looked back. I replayed the interview scene in my mind more times that I wish to ever recall and took away lessons that will be with me throughout my lifetime. My nerves got the best of me that day—I didn’t trust what I knew and I over-prepared, giving my mind way too much to think about.

I did eventually land a director level position, one that suits me and the organisation. I interviewed like a champ in that round because I brought my genuine self to the interview table. I was willing to admit that I did not have all the answers, and trusted that my inner adventurer would keep me on the same reality plane as those in the room with me. I did remember to put my portfolio on the table and actually referred to it.

This time I was not off in the clouds on some wild adventure of my imaginary self; I was there in the moment giving it all I had.

The post The disastrous job interview that changed my life appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

His interview coach helped him script his story to make his work history look much stronger and coherent. They crafted perfect albeit not-quite honest responses to the most likely interview questions. He memorised them and then practised giving the answers in a way that didn’t reveal that they were prepared in advance. He and his coach worked all the way down to deliberately inserting “ums…” to make Rahul’s answers seem natural. The coach video-recorded his performances and gave Rahul feedback on when he wasn’t sounding natural or otherwise could polish his act.

Desperate jobseekers

When you really want a job, it’s tempting to do whatever it takes to sell the employer on you. In such a situation, it’s difficult to remain ethical and rational and think, “I’ll reveal my real self—beauty marks, warts and preferences alike—so the right employer will say yes.” But disclosing that ethical rationality is what I’m asking, no, begging of you to do.

You must think of your role in a job interview this way: You’re trying to facilitate a wise match between the employer and candidate.

Your obligation to be ethical

Why an obligation? First, you do have an obligation to yourself. If you accept a job for which you’re a poor fit, you’re more likely to be unhappy, unsuccessful or even fired. And then you have to explain to subsequent prospective employers why you were dumped.

I recall a woman who was eager to work for a website that aggregated articles for women over 50. A job in that company’s IT department became available and although her IT experience was very light, she applied, exaggerating her IT competence. She prepped very hard to sound perfect in the interview and got the job. She struggled on the job, indeed screwing up the website on a number of occasions. Finally, six months later, she crashed the entire site, at which point she was fired. That’s when she came to me for career counselling. She had had quite a time trying to explain her previous six months to prospective employers.

You also have an obligation to others; for example, to the more worthy applicant that would be denied the job. So many of my clients experience righteous indignation when they learn of far less competent people getting hired for a job while they, having searched honourably for a job, sit unemployed.

Then there’s the obligation the job seeker has to that prospective employer and the co-workers who would be saddled with a worse employee than necessary. Imagine you were that boss and you later found out that the candidate you hired had been less than honest in his interview, and you had plenty of other candidates you could have chosen.

And you have an obligation to society, too. When a wrong employee is hired, the company’s customers might, at least in a small way, have to endure worse products or services. Just think of how you feel when you must deal with an incompetent sales or customer service person.

And, although this is an abstract concept, you also have an obligation to the cosmos—to do that which serves justice.

Ask the right questions

To facilitate a good match being made between employer and employee, ask questions early on in the interview such as, “In the end, what will be key to doing this job well?” If the employer’s answer makes you doubt you’re the right person, you have an obligation to explain the basis for your doubt. For example, if the employer makes it clear that the ability to troubleshoot Oracle’s multiplatform supply-chain software is a big part of the job, then you should ask what’s involved and then explain what you know solidly, what you may be able to muddle through and what you would need to learn from scratch.

Of course, some keys to being a well-suited employee go beyond the hard skills and even the intelligence to do the job. Success often depends on the employee’s personality matching with the boss’s and workgroup’s style. Let’s say you’re laid-back, work slowly and steadily, and prioritise work-life balance with an emphasis on the ‘life’ part. You’d obviously be a poor fit for the typical high-tech company in which long, hard-driving workweeks are expected. So, in the interview, you must ask questions like, “Tell me a little about the organisation’s work culture. What are the working hours like, how much training and feedback is given, how autonomous do you expect employees to be, how central is teamwork?”

I, for instance, dislike being on teams—I must force myself to not dominate. I also get impatient with low-performing team members. So, if I were looking for a job, I’d stipulate up-front that I enjoy and do well when given even an intellectually demanding project with a tight deadline that I can tackle by myself but that I’m typically unhappy when the work is mainly to be done as a team.

What about your career wart?

What if you have a career wart that would likely eliminate you immediately from consideration? Case in point, what if you’ve had a gap in employment bigger than the Taj Mahal? Make that evident in your application but if you haven’t, mention it at the beginning of the interview—get the bad news out of the way early. Say something like, “If that’s a deal killer, I wanted to let you know now before we waste each other’s time.”

I’d make a similar disclosure if I had a handicap that would require the employer to make significant accommodations or tolerate something that would impede my performance.

Or in an extreme example, let’s say I just spent the last five years in prison for robbery. If I disclose that, even with a compelling promise to be committed to an ethical life and  that I’m willing to start at the bottom, most employers will reject me. But a right one, a person who perhaps himself has been given a second chance, will hire me. And that’s the sort of person I want to work for anyway.

In sum, many employers will reject you for your honesty, but a right one will consider you. It’s worth taking longer to find a job in exchange for landing one based on legitimacy than on deceit.

How answering honestly is both ethical and pragmatic

Integrity is also important when answering questions. If you don’t know an answer, rather than lying, say so. That yields pragmatic as well as ethical benefit. Not only does that show you’re honest and comfortable enough in your skin to admit not knowing something, your brief answer [“I don’t know”] results in a larger proportion of the interview spent talking about what you do know than about what you don’t.

How to end an interview?

At the end of the interview, it’s often wise to ask, “So, based on what I’ve said—and as I think you can tell—I’ve tried to be scrupulously honest in my answers—do you think I’d do a good job in this position?” That encourages the employer to raise an objection, which you may or may not be able to counter. In either case, it facilitates both of you making a wise decision: whether s/he should offer you the position and whether you should accept it.

Job interview as first date

Think of your job interview not as a sales pitch but rather as a first date. You’re both trying to figure out if you should get involved with each other.

Thinking in the cosmic scheme of things

There is one other motivator for maintaining integrity as the number one priority. The employer will likely be impressed with your candour, an attribute that is all too rare, and so will believe your claims of strengths. As a result, if you don’t get that job, when a more appropriate position becomes available within that company or at another one that the employer knows about it, you’ll likely be seriously considered and more likely to be successful at that job.

And that’s not only to your betterment but also to that of your employer, co-workers, and customers. Besides, it’s good karma.

 This was first published in the March 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

The post Integrity in a job interview? Absolutely! appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.