Parents today either do not have the time or have simply forgotten the value of playing with their children. Children too find themselves being  dropped and picked from school to crèches to extra classes. Any free time that they have is spent watching TV or glued to a screen. In the quest to give their child the best of everything, parents often lose out on giving them the most precious gift of all—one-to-one time with their child. And one of the best ways to spend with your kids is to play with them.

Studies show that children spending at least an hour everyday playing in a natural and interactive way tend to have higher intelligence and stronger interpersonal skills than others. Play is considered the medium through which children express themselves. Parents can use play as an effective technique to communicate with their children and help them develop their verbal communication skills too. Creative and make-believe play helps children think out of the box and use common objects and toys in ways that are unique to them.

Play can be of several types and develops as the child grows.  Stages of play are as follows:

1. Solitary Play (0 – 2 yrs): Child usually plays on her own and is not interested to share toys or play with others.
2. Spectator Play (2 – 2.5 yrs): Child observes others and tries to imitate them.
3. Parallel Play (2.5yrs – 3 yrs): Children play side to side but in their own ways and do not interact, often seen in playgroups and nurseries.
4. Associate Play (3- 4 years): Children are playing the same game but will not interact with each other.
5. Cooperative Play (4 – 6 yrs): Children are interacting with each other and use their social communication skills to express themselves.

There are different ways play can be used for stimulating your child. The types of play are as follows:

• Toy/ Object play: This uses toys and objects like balls, dolls, toy vehicles, animals or other objects and use them meaningfully.
• Story telling: Telling stories using puppets is an effective technique that encourages the child’s creativity as they express the role of their puppets according to the story.
• Role play techniques: Enacting super heroes or other characters from stories has a positive effect on the child’s self-confidence and develops their public speaking skills. It is often used in nurseries and schools on their annual days.
• Creative arts technique: Children can express themselves using different mediums like drawing, colouring, painting, etc. This technique is widely used for non-verbal children. Art expression is a natural and spontaneous way of communication for children with emotional disturbances like anxiety, stress, learning disability, etc. Other art forms such as  dancing and working with clay are also used.
• Imagery techniques: This technique uses dolls and doll houses or farm animals in a farm set up or a traffic scene or other make-believe situations. The child plays creatively using his/her unique experiences and communicates about them.
• Communication games: These games can be tailor made to suit each child according their age and ability. Open-ended questions or situations can be used to initiate the child’s response to help them discover how they see their world from their own eyes; these might just be simple games of introducing themselves and saying what they like to do in their free time.
• Desensitisation methods: If the child is afraid of certain situations like darkness or crossing the road for instance, different stories and role plays can help simulate these situations and try to ease the child’s fear.
• Sports: Different sports can be taken up like swimming, football, basketball, cricket, etc . to encourage more outdoor time. These team sports are excellent in developing team skills, communication and group work.

If you are a parent, try to devote at least an hour playing with your child each day; besides sharpening your children’s cognitive and interpersonal abilities, it also acts as a great stress-buster for you. Spending time with your children helps you to think out of the box. So before you buy your child another gadget for a gift this season, think about how you can give him or her the gift of playtime with you.

The post This holiday season, gift your child the power of play appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

In no particular order, here are a few ideas that just might lead to a more interesting and insightful Holiday season:

1. Examine your pictures

No, really. Go through old photos, either photo albums or digital. Take a look at photos of the people you plan on spending time with. Also have a look at “oldies”, featuring those who are no longer with you… whether dead or moved on to greener pastures. Let your eyes flow over faces, and pay attention to the stories that pop up. Likely, many of the stories will be “inflated”—stories designed to create warm, fuzzy feelings. Others will be “conflated”—stories designed to confirm your worst thoughts about the person featured.

The thing to get is how easily the stories pop up, and how, if you decide to, you can focus on one and really flesh it out. But notice how inflated or conflated it is; how, the more you focus in, the more guesses and judgements pop up.

It’s just what minds do.

Now, take a breath. Let go of the stories and judgements, and have another look. This time, pretend you’re looking at strangers… as if you’re looking at someone else’s family. Don’t try to do anything; just look. This is how we begin to notice our story-making, and how “judgey” we are; we notice our unreal expectations. For example, family dinners with my wife’s family is decidedly different from my memories of my family dinners. And, of course, since different people were involved. But judging one gathering as “good” and one as “bad” would be silly, as it’s based not on reality, but on inflated or conflated memories that only exist in my head. This season, notice what projecting judgements on people and gatherings get you: nothing good.

2. Try a little tenderness

Some years ago, I met briefly with the mother of a friend of ours. She really didn’t like her husband, and especially didn’t like him around the holidays. She had all kinds of stories about how he “ruined Christmas”. My favourite: he was, as we were talking [it was October] at home, putting up the Christmas lights which, she swore, “he always puts up wrong, just to spite me and ruin Christmas!” I said, “Why don’t you go home and help him by telling him what you want him to do?” Silence, with a glare. Then: “I’”l be damned if I’ll tell him. We’ve been married for decades, and he should just know what I want!”

Well, no. Not unless you want to keep your story going.

And many of us do have much invested in how hard-done-by we are. Evidence to the contrary is ignored or demeaned. Because… poor me!

Tenderness isn’t just for meat anymore. Give the drama and “poor me” a rest. Ask for what you want, without judgement or rancour. If person “A” won’t or can’t do what you ask for,  wait for it… ask someone else! Because you’re aiming for a drama-free zone this season.

3. Develop your own holiday traditions

If your family gatherings are warm and fun, by all means enjoy them, and engage fully. At the same time, see about setting up one tradition for your principal family [with your partner/spouse, and your kids, if any.] And if you don’t much like the ‘Home for the Holidays’ tradition, shorten it, eliminate it, book a trip…in short, change it.

In my family of origin, by the time I was a teen I was expected to help out with family dinners. In my wife’s family, not so much. My 30-something niece and nephew and their significant others mostly just sit there. But see? There it is. Everyone gathered, repeating the past, and me, wanting to grouse about it.

Another option, which will happen eventually anyway, is for the next generation to start planning their own events. You know, their own dinner parties, featuring them…

Stop looking backward and trying to recapture or repeat something. Instead, create ceremonies, activities and timetables that are meaningful for you.

Your task is to create a memorable life, for you. This requires actually doing something different.

4. Take it easy, baby

How about seeing the holidays as a time for reflection and renewal? A decade ago, there was a Zen Centre in Buffalo that my wife and I attended as often as we could. They had a Buddha’s Birthday meditation session in December. We went, and sat for some hours. Best gift I ever gave myself. Quiet time, reflective time. A chance to wind down, as opposed to the endless tearing about that the holidays seem to engender.

Not sure how the whole holiday thing turned into an endurance contest, but hey… you can call a halt by calling a halt. Take a break, take a holiday, take some time for yourself. If it doesn’t all get done, who cares?

5. Deepen, Deepen

This season is either a thing to be endured, with a fake happy face, or a time of reflection, self-knowing, intimacy and sharing—a deepening. You pick. You choose. All moments are bare of meaning. We add meaning. Or, we go brain dead and numb and run [literally and figuratively] ourselves ragged as we attempt to avoid the pain we create.

Instead, capture this season and make it your own. Provide meaning to everything you do, real meaning—meaning significant to you. Use this time to deepen your commitment to your spiritual path, and to find more groundedness. This opportunity exists in each moment, and it’s up to you to use it. In the end, your path is yours, and you make of it what you will. Strive for more depth, more understanding. Bring yourself back to bare presence. Invigorate and enliven yourself.

Celebrate the gift of living and being!

The post Going home for the holidays does not have to be agony appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.