Rather, they “were constantly testing themselves through real-world experiences and reframing their life stories to understand who they were at their core. In doing so, they discovered the purpose of their leadership and learned how being authentic made them more effective.”

Are you living a lie?

A lot of people fear being themselves because they feel they won’t be liked or accepted. If someone likes you when you are living a lie, he may stop associating with you when he finds out the real you; because sooner or later, truth reveals itself. By pretending to be someone you are not just for garnering attention, you are most likely to end up attracting the wrong people.

Not being yourself can also lead to a no-win situation. If you are not a genuine expression of yourself, the acclaim of your colleagues and your friends will amount to little. It is important that you like yourself first, and that can only happen if you allow yourself to be true to your inner being.

Authenticity is not just the key to a long-lasting career; it is the key to developing real, meaningful power

Costco co-founder and former CEO, Jim Sinegal, answered his own phone line, maintained a small office, paid himself a salary far lower than that of his peers and wore a nametag that simply said, “Jim”. This made him wildly popular with his employees, and left him with the lowest employee turnover rate in the retail industry.

McDonald’s founder Ray Kroc expected all employees to keep McDonald’s clean and did not exempt himself from the job—he picked up the garbage found in the parking lots of every McDonald’s outlet that he visited.

Authentic leadership is the only leadership that endures, because it exists as a function of the individual rather than a crowd of borrowed opinions.

The key to real power

Authenticity is not just the key to a long-lasting career; it is the key to developing real, meaningful power. Charisma, though an important quality of leadership, can lead to destructive behaviour if it’s not tethered to authentic values. Jordan Belfort [the stockbroker whose crimes were dramatised in the film, The Wolf of Wall Street] and Bernard Madoff used their charisma to swindle people out of their life’s savings. Both these men had power but it was not tethered to good, authentic values. Real power comes from authenticity.

If you want your success to be sustainable, if you want it to have a strong foundation, if you want it to have purpose and meaning, there is no other way than to be authentic.

Be careful about judging others because you do not know what they are going through

Your inner light shines through you when you are credible and trustworthy, and honest enough to admit to your limitations. The reality is that even with all your limitations, you are still unique and special. Embrace who you are, flaws and all. If you try to be someone else, you only become a ‘second-best someone’. As they say: “Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.”

Challenge yourself with the following ‘How to’ exercises:

ACCEPT and realise your imperfections. Shortcomings are part of who you are. Accepting this makes you powerful because now you can understand and relate to others. You will also be more open to feedback, guidance, and constructive criticism.

LIVE a life of honesty and integrity. It’s likely that you will succeed in some areas, but not in others. View every gap as an opportunity to grow.

KNOW that being different is good. Your USP comes from being different and unique. Achievers like Michael Jordan, Steve Jobs and JK Rowling were often regarded as eccentric or reckless.

RADIATE confidence. When you are authentic, you can be confident that you are doing the right thing. You can also have confidence that the people in your life who are not aligned with you are not supposed to be in your life anyway.

BE non-judgemental. Be careful about judging others because you do not know what they are going through.

ADMIT mistakes and apologise because this builds trust. This may seem hard because we fear that we may appear incompetent. However, small inadequacies in life are normal and can be accepted by almost everyone. Dishonesty and cover-ups are far worse.

PRACTICE courage. Speak the truth and allow yourself to be vulnerable. For example, in a staff meeting, ask for help if you need it, ask a question, speak up about a concern you may have. Don’t worry about what others may think. By expressing yourself authentically, you inspire others in your team to be real and take timely action.

BE true to yourself. Before embarking on something, ask: Does this feel right to me? When you are true to yourself, you are generally true to others.

The post Are you being an authentic leader? appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

One consideration is to reflect on the nature of the behaviour you are witnessing. Is it neglectful or abusive? If it is, you may have a legal obligation to act. If the line is finer, as in the case of discipline strategies like time-outs or counting to three, the answer is less clear. There are many parenting choices which may be disrespectful toward a child or inappropriate given the child’s age, yet are within acceptable cultural norms. So what can you do if you decide you need to take action?

Avoid judging those who parent differently

There are times our friends or family may take a different approach when raising their children. For example, you may allow your children to climb up the slide, while another parent insights that his child may only slide down. Or your teen has no curfew while your sister’s kids must be home by 10pm. May be your family has a history of obesity so you keep your kids away from sweets, but your neighbour has declared an open season on sweets.

In cases like these, I find it best to remind myself that everyone has a different perspective. Judgement has no place in healthy relationships. Realise that a right choice for you may be different than a right choice for someone else. You could use this as an opportunity to share your beliefs in a non-threatening way. To the parent who wouldn’t allow his or her kids to climb up the slide, you could say something like, “I know it may look like I’m permissive, but my kids know to watch for others waiting for a turn and I believe it boosts their confidence to climb and explore.”

Subtlety is the key to discussing poor parenting skills constructively

Your sister who insists on the early curfew might believe that kids need to earn their freedom; while you prefer to see your teens prove their maturity by making certain decisions independently. You could tell your kids, “Hey, Aunt Sheila wants your cousins to be home by 10pm. How about you make it an early night so they’re included in the fun, too? You can stay out later tomorrow night.”

Know that just because you parent differently, it doesn’t make you wrong or right. If you feel the need to be right, then explore why that is. Perhaps you lack confidence in your parenting? Feeling judged or judgmental can be a cue for us to do some work on ourselves.

The casual and off-hand approach

Subtlety is the key to discussing poor parenting skills constructively. Find a way to bring up whatever problem you may be facing with your child. This may invite the other parent to open up to a discussion about parenting philosophy. For example: “We’ve been struggling with bedtime lately. We want a way to help her get enough sleep while teaching her to recognise her own sleep cues. We tried this new thing which really seems to be working.” You may not get a powerful, “Aha!” moment, but you may understand each other better.

What to do when other parents lose their cool

Let’s be honest. When a parent yells, shames, or treats his or her child disrespectfully, everyone in the room is affected. If it is uncomfortable for us, it must certainly feel terrible to the child. And by sitting idly by, are we implicitly telling the child that the mistreatment is warranted? The following ideas may be helpful in this situation.

If you know that your best friend is a tough disciplinarian and it is challenging for your family to be around her at times, then maybe getting together without the kids is a better option. You could also plan more relaxing activities such as picnics rather than formal dining. Give yourself [or your kids] a chance for a break during visits so the exposure to negativity is lessened. That way you can maintain your relationship with your friend while minimising those uncomfortable moments.

By being the best version of yourself around parents who parent differently, you are showing them another way

Should you say something?

Unless there is abuse, I do not generally confront someone directly who parents differently than I. In my experience, it is not well-received. Since parenting brings up a lot of personal feelings of inadequacy or feeling judged, it can be tricky to talk about. In addition to that, parents sometimes hold firm to their stance, even with evidence to the contrary, as it would mean challenging their beliefs or facing mistakes their own parents may have made. Unless someone explicitly asks for parenting advice, they are not usually open to listening.

As a parent coach, I work with people who are ready for change. Although they sometimes ask how I can help them change their child’s behaviour, I will gently introduce the idea that the parent needs to change first. One-on-one, I can tell how open they are to the message and ease them through at their own pace. While those who hold firm to their beliefs are not generally interested in philosophical debate about parenting techniques, there are some steps you can take to encourage a shift in their approach.

Modelling: a powerful strategy

At first it may seem as if you are not doing anything to help, but modelling is a powerful tool for teaching. How often do our children do what we do, instead of what we say? Human beings are designed to learn through modelling. By being the best version of yourself around parents who parent differently, you are showing them another way. The language you use with your children, the boundaries that you set and the relationship you share with your child are all useful to another parent. Other parents may be watching and listening. One never knows the impact they may have on another. You may find that other parents become curious to know your secrets. “How do you get your son to eat his vegetables?!” they exclaim. This is a wonderful opportunity to provide a glimpse into your parenting style. Be mindful of their reaction and openness. Refrain from comments that may be interpreted as judgement. Merely speak to what has worked for you.

A final word

We all have bad days and feel embarrassed by our own parenting behaviour. We get tired, overwhelmed or take out some unresolved pain from our own childhood on our kids. When we see another parent struggling, let’s meet them with understanding and compassion first. Treat them as you would a hurting child. Empathise with how hard parenting can be. Help to refill their emotional cup and offer support if they want it.

The post How NOT to bring up someone’s poor parenting appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

There is a misconception about effective coaching that Anita’s story highlights. Too many managers believe that effective coaching is about delivering critical feedback. And while part of coaching is about critical feedback, much of it is about reinforcing what is working and providing positive feedback. This balance is essential to being an effective coach, manager and leader. Consider the following techniques to help you improve your coaching:

Provide three pieces of positive feedback for every one piece of negative feedback

Research illustrates that in high performing teams, leaders and managers give as high as five pieces of positive feedback for every one piece of negative feedback [5:1]. While that is a high bar to hit, another research studying the “weight” of negative feedback has shown that negative feedback is three times heavier than positive feedback. In other words, if you want to have your feedback bank account at baseline, you need to give at least three pieces of positive feedback for every piece of negative feedback. Otherwise you’ll be working on credit. Eventually, your direct reports will close their emotional bank account.

Give at least three pieces of positive feedback for every piece of negative feedback

Provide feedback using a “Stop, Start, Continue” framework

Most of the executive coaching action plans follow this simple format. What are you going to stop doing? What are you going to start doing? And what are you going to continue doing? This simple coaching format not only helps to organise the type of feedback you might want to provide, but it also serves as an effective forcing mechanism to ensure that positive feedback isn’t getting lost in the shuffle. It helps us to know what not to lose as we make adjustments along the way.

Get curious

Curiosity is the key not only to effective coaching, but also to healthy workplace relationships. Several years ago, I was working with the president of a financial services company. Concerned about his culture, he brought me in to assess the situation. After interviewing a large group of employees, I went back to the president to share my findings.

I started the conversation with the following, “I’m going to go over the findings item by item, but the bottom line is this: your people love you. To the person, they said how empathetic you are.” Upon hearing this, the president ruffled his brow and said something I didn’t expect, “I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t think I’m empathetic at all. Work is work and personal is personal. I don’t want to talk about people’s personal lives at work. In addition, this is not my family. When the workday is done, I don’t want to spend any more time with my co-workers. I want to go home to my family.”

I didn’t know what to say. This did not seem like the traits of someone as consistently described as empathetic. The two of us sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. Then the president broke the silence and said the following to me, “But there is one thing I do that I think makes all the difference. I think the greatest compliment you can give anyone is to ask him or her about the work they do. So, I’m regularly walking around the office asking employees, ‘What are you working on? How can I help you? And where do you want to go in your career and how can I help you get there?’” It hit me! Curiosity and empathy are the same thing. If we want others to view us as empathetic, find something about him or her to get curious about. It is through genuine curiosity about others that we offer the highest compliment to someone—you matter.

What can you start, stop or continue doing to give your employees more positive feedback today?

The post The subtle art of coaching your team appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

After a few months, during a routine check-up I was alarmed when I stood on the weighing scale. It showed that I was a good 10kg heavier than I had assumed myself to be. I was forced to acknowledge that my trousers were not fitting of late and I was getting tired quickly. Amol’s words came back to me, and I joined the nearest gym. Within a few months I shed the excess pounds, feeling lighter and fitter. I called Amol, apologised for behaving like an idiot and thanked him for pointing out my problem. It also got me thinking that apart from him, none of my friends, relatives or colleagues had pointed out this issue to me. When I asked some of them, they said that yes, they felt that I had become overweight—but why say something and make me feel bad?

Silence is not always golden

Most of us go through life not speaking the truth, not being frank with our near and dear ones. Diplomacy may be required in certain relationships, I agree. But to avoid speaking the truth to your loved ones is as bad as lying. People in close relationships normally expect one another to be honest, and to give unbiased feedback. If we are always diplomatic, always avoiding ruffling feathers, always wanting peace and harmony at any cost, it is likely that we are leading a life that is far removed from the reality of things: a false life. Common sense tells us that nothing false can bring us long lasting happiness or peace.

It is better to be candid—it pays better dividends than compared to being diplomatic and avoiding speaking the truth. Sometimes one has to administer a bitter pill, so that eventually, a lot of good comes out of it.

Why we don’t tell the truth

Why do we shy away from speaking the truth? It has been my observation that most of us have the habit of saying one thing, while having something different on our minds. Our general tendency is to say nice things to others. Why hurt others? Why make them sad or unhappy? Why point out their shortcomings or deficiencies to them? Is it not better to keep quiet in order to maintain harmonious relationships? While this tendency is fine as far as certain distant relationships or acquaintances are concerned, it is generally not a good idea to avoid speaking the truth to near and dear ones. Your spouse, children, parents, close friends—these people need your honest feedback. But the problem is that we want to be in their good books. We don’t want to start an argument with them, or have a disagreement with them. Even if they are doing something grossly wrong, we want to avoid commenting on it, because our true comments are likely to strain or, in some extreme cases, even destroy the relationship.

Granted, our truth is likely to disrupt harmony and lead to conflict. But what is the use of a relationship in which one cannot even speak the truth? If couples cannot tell each other the truth, if parents can’t tell their child the truth [and vice versa], the entire relationship is weak.

The truth matters

A few years ago, a lady known to us was going through a difficult time with her husband. She was seriously considering leaving him. Most of her close friends and relatives endorsed her views. When I told her that such difficult times arose in every relationship and that it is better to forgive and forget and carry on with the marriage, she didn’t like it. She was hurt that I did not see her agony and distress and she walked away in a huff.

Later, she sat down and thought about the pros and cons of leaving her husband. Good sense prevailed and she decided to continue with her marriage. She did have to make adjustments and compromises, and had to accept many things she did not want to, but eventually things settled down. Her husband too was grateful that his wife did not leave him and changed his attitude.

Many years have passed since and both husband and wife are truly grateful for the piece of honest advice I gave them. Today, they trust my feedback and opinion. Had I been diplomatic, or said what the lady wanted to hear, things would have turned out quite differently, and I’m sure both of them would have been unhappy. I took a risk in telling her the truth, I lost her friendship for some time, but eventually, the truth is what sorted things out for everyone.

But silence is better than lying

It is my opinion that if you don’t want to speak the truth, then it is better not to say anything, rather than stating a false opinion, just to make the other person happy. Remember, no one can really make another person happy permanently. Your lies might make the other person happy briefly, but the truth has a nasty habit of surfacing, sooner than later. That day, you will lose more than you have gained. The best thing is to be honest, the next best—to be silent. Behaving as if you really love somebody when you actually dislike him or what he is doing is the worst injustice that you could do, not only to the other person, but also to yourself. So always be candid.

Adapted with permission from Why Not Use Some Common Sense?, by P V Vaidyanathan, published by Leadstart Publishing Pvt Ltd.

This was first published in the June 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

The post Why concealing uncomfortable truths is a bad idea appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

What is effective feedback?

Let’s think about feedback here as something that you say about someone else’s behaviour, including both what they said and what they did. It’s usually designed to lead to some change in their behaviour. For that feedback to be effective, it must be heard, absorbed and then acted upon.

There are whole courses devoted to giving feedback in the context of a management relationship, so why is it so hard to give effective feedback in a personal relationship? It doesn’t have to be. By adopting some simple rules, you too can give effective feedback to your partner in a way that will be easy for them to hear.

Rule 1 It’s about what you did

This is perhaps the most important rule of all in giving feedback. You need to focus on the behaviour, this means that you should not make any comment about their personality, for example, one that implies that your partner is or is not a particular type of person. It should only be about their behaviour.

Consider the difference between:

“You are a selfish horrible person” and “You are behaving like a selfish horrible person”.

Neither is exactly something that anyone wants to hear, nor would either be described as positive, or the recommended way to give feedback! But the first statement implies that there is no possible change, and you really dislike them. This is presumably not true, or they wouldn’t be your partner. You are just upset with them at the moment.

The second, on the other hand, says “I know you are a fundamentally nice person but really, what you just did was not acceptable!” It is, therefore, much easier to hear and act upon.

Rule 2 It’s about me, not you

You have no idea what your partner meant to achieve by what they said or did. All you know is the effect that it had on you. Equally, unless you tell them, your partner has no idea what effect their behaviour had on you.

Your feedback should therefore focus on what exactly they said or did, and what effect it had on you. You might say, for example,

“When you went out, and left me clearing up the other night, it made me feel taken for granted.”

“When you sent me those flowers, it made me feel really valued.”

You are not saying that your partner was right or wrong, only how it made you feel.

Rule 3 It’s very specific

The more specific you can be about the behaviour, the easier it is for your partner to change it. Suppose you say:

“Everything you have done this week has made me feel really cross.”

This makes it sound like the problem is with you, not them. Also they wouldn’t know what they could do in order to make you feel better.

Suppose instead that you say:

“It makes me cross when you leave your shoes in the middle of the floor.”

You might be having a bad week, and at any other time you could deal with the shoes. This might be the first time that you have ever mentioned this particular habit in a 10-year marriage. But right now, your partner knows exactly what to do to improve the situation.

Rule 4 It’s about what’s just happened

The best feedback is immediate, or at least broadly in the same time period. It really doesn’t help anyone if you decide to rake up things that bothered you a year or even a month ago. Focus on the most recent behaviour, and deal with what’s happening now, not what happened then. The sooner you can do it, the better. However, do consider the next rule first!

Rule 5 It’s given at the right time

We can probably all identify the wrong time: when one or both of you are stressed or angry, or when you’re tired, or hungry, or in a hurry to go somewhere else. All of these make it harder both to give calm and careful feedback, and to hear and respond to it positively.

Yes, there are times when you feel that feedback can’t wait. You really want to shout.

Don’t.

It really won’t help anyone. Count to 10, and take a deep breath to calm yourself down before you say anything. Never try to give feedback when you’re angry.

Instead, wait until you’re both more relaxed and ready to talk: at the weekend, perhaps, or in the evening. It will still be timely and recent. It’s important to make sure that you turn off the television, or ask your partner to put down their book or phone. Signal your intention, otherwise you may find that you’re repeating yourself, which is not going to be good for your calmness.

Developing a skill takes time

Finally, remember that giving effective feedback is a skill, and any skill takes time to learn and develop. You won’t become expert at giving feedback immediately. But you can immediately become better, just by following these simple rules. If you keep them in mind whenever you want to comment on your partner’s behaviour, you should soon find that communication between you has improved.

This was first published in the May 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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During a senior management meeting of a multinational corporation, the executives were encouraged to ask questions and share their views. Akhilesh Kumar, the head of supply chain, raised his hand and volunteered to share some of his views on various aspects that were discussed in the meeting.

After the meeting, Akhilesh went to meet Manav Behl, the CEO, and asked him what he thought of his comments and whether it was appropriate of him to have raised them in the forum. Manav told him the truth—that although the content of his message was relevant and his views were valid, the way he had conveyed them was a little negative. Akhilesh didn’t take kindly to this feedback and told Manav that henceforth he will simply keep his opinions to himself because it seems that the management didn’t really care about his viewpoint.

Most of us prefer to avoid reality, much less seek it proactively. How often, instead of welcoming insight about ourselves, we treat it as a reason to feel offended? Rather than viewing it as an opportunity to look within and see if we need to change something about our attitude or behaviour, we consider negative feedback as criticism that is best avoided. Many a relationship—personal and professional—go sour due to such poor response to sincere feedback. On the other hand, positive feedback too is viewed either suspiciously or not given much importance because we prefer to live in the bubble of perceptions we have created for ourselves.

But not actively seeking and receiving feedback constructively keeps us from those truths about ourselves which only others can see and point out. And unless we see ourselves—our strengths, our weaknesses—without bias, we will not be happy.

In this month’s lead story, a clinical psychologist tells you why proactively seeking reality can help you expand your awareness about yourself, others and your world. Dr Henry Cloud, best-selling author and acclaimed leadership expert, tells us that armed with this heightened awareness, we can improve all aspects of our lives. Using examples of real people, he illustrates how seeking honest feedback from others is the key to success and happiness. “The good ones want to know the reality of who they are and are in tune with the fact that we do not see ourselves accurately. They ‘seek’ out this knowledge in a variety of ways,” says Dr Cloud as he explains that integrity is all about wanting to know the truth, no matter what the cost.

I find Dr Cloud’s ideas thought provoking; they have made me reflect on my attitude towards the feedback that I receive from others. Also, I have begun to see tremendous value in actively seeking out reality as I am sure you will too, once you finish reading the cover story.

I encourage you to put what you’ve learned into practice right away, like I am doing now by urging you to send me an honest feedback about how we’re doing at Complete Wellbeing and how we can improve. I’ll be grateful for your efforts and your insights.

Write to me directly at ma**********@***************ng.com

The post April 2016 issue: Seeking reality appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Similarly, providing constructive feedback to others strengthens your relationship with the people concerned as it helps them tap into their personal potential.

According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, when faced with a challenging goal, people’s motivation to improve their productivity increases up to 60 per cent when they receive feedback on their progress. Assigning goals without giving feedback doesn’t leave much of an effect on motivation with an increase in performance of just over 25 per cent.

Do you receive feedback well?

Most of us can’t handle feedback well. We get embarrassed even when someone gives us a positive feedback [compliment]. If the feedback is negative, we see it as criticism and get upset and defensive. Actually, much depends on the way feedback is delivered. I too have been guilty of not receiving feedback in the right sense. I have felt patronised when someone has delivered feedback. However, the key skill here is to see beyond the delivery technique and focus on the quality of the message. It’s free information.

The challenge in receiving feedback with an open mind and learning from it is that we have to disregard our natural instinct to defend ourselves or our actions. Remember, as former first lady of America Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Tips for receiving feedback the right way

Here are tips to help you accept feedback with grace.

1. Keep an open mind

It’s easy to think that people are trying to criticise us or put us down. When someone approaches you with feedback, don’t immediately put your guard up: be open to what the person has to say—you could learn something valuable.

2. Be a person in progress

We don’t know everything about ourselves and that’s where another’s viewpoint helps. They can teach us so much. If each of us works on the premise that ‘I am a person in progress and always will be’, then feedback is food for personal growth.

3. Listen carefully

When receiving feedback, really listen to the message that you are being given rather than listening to your own spin on it in your head. Sometimes we can distort important messages by not listening properly or openly to what is being said.

4. Check for understanding

If you are not clear about what someone is telling you, ask questions to clarify.

5. Set objectives

When someone gives you feedback that you feel is useful, set some clear objectives. This will help you fully capitalise on the information you receive. If you want, you can even discuss ideas and suggestions on improvement with the person who has given you the feedback.

6. Keep a record

I have found that keeping a little notebook with me to note down the feedback I receive, really helps me grow as person.

7. Seek out feedback opportunities

Some of the most successful people I have come across actively seek honest feedback when they have done something. The more feedback you experience, the better you will get at receiving it.

8. Thank the messenger

It takes effort and courage to give feedback. So, when someone has taken the time and energy to give you information that will potentially benefit you, it is good manners to thank them for it.

Giving constructive feedback

Giving feedback isn’t just a great way to help those around you perform better and achieve more, it is a way to help them to tap into their full potential and discover aspects about themselves that they weren’t even aware off. Still, some people find it challenging to give feedback and get uncomfortable giving it even when it is positive. Here are some common barriers to giving feedback:

Barriers to giving feedback

1. It is time consuming
2. Unsure about the right way of delivering feedback
3. Fear that the feedback maybe misconstrued
4. Inability to handle the person’s reaction to feedback
5. Fear of hurting other people’s feelings

I learnt several years ago that a good approach is to tell someone what they did and explain the effect it had on you. Then, if the feedback is negative, help them to explore alternative ways of doing the same thing, and if positive encourage the person to continue doing it. Also, feedback is well-received when it’s a balance of positive and negative. Sometimes at the workplace or in close relationships, we spend a lot of time focusing on what someone isn’t doing well and not enough time celebrating the things that people do well.

Further, to make sure your feedback is constructive, first ask yourself: will this feedback be useful and, can this person do anything about it? If the answer to both the questions is a yes, then go ahead and give the feedback.

Tips to giving feedback without offending

Here are some pointers that will help you give feedback without coming across as offensive.

1. Choose your timing

Being tactful and respectful when delivering feedback is crucial. True consideration of the other person’s feelings is essential if you want to get the best response and make it a positive experience for the person who is on the receiving end. Unfortunately, I have witnessed many examples of feedback being delivered at inappropriate times and having caused negative outcomes.

2. Be honest and assertive

An honest and assertive approach will create a win-win outcome. Giving feedback can be awkward and if it makes you feel as if you are walking on egg shells, it can end up sounding either passive or even aggressive. Honesty is the best policy as long as it is delivered with a positive intention.

3. Make it digestible

Although feedback is the food for progress, the person may not be able to digest it even if it’s good for her. Make sure you dilute an overly negative message with a combination of positive and constructive feedback.

4. Tune your tone

Not just your words, but the tone and pitch of your voice too have quite an effect on how your message is perceived. Maintaining a positive and upbeat tone, helps you be more assertive and confident. This makes the person receiving the feedback feel positive and confident too.

5. Maintain eye contact

Be totally present when you give feedback and help the person to feel connected to you by maintaining eye contact. However, don’t overdo it as this can come across as being aggressive.

6. Focus on the behaviour, not the person

This is important. Feedback should only be about something that a person can change. If it is about something that she cannot change, it is not constructive feedback and will just be perceived as hurtful criticism and will ruin your relationship.

7. Let it go

Once you have given your feedback, resist the need to repeat yourself. Allow the person to absorb the information and take action. If you have to ask someone to do something four times, I can promise you that the person in question has heard what you have to say and has most likely decided not to take on board the suggestions.

Sometimes people don’t immediately recognise how useful feedback can be. It may take a while for them to reassess and recognise the positive impact. Give them space.

Feedback is a wonderful tool that if used constructively, can open doors to amazing possibilities.

The post The correct way of giving and receiving feedback appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.