In his sensitive book Together, Vivek Murthy, who has been nominated to be the Surgeon General in the United States by President Biden, underscores the importance of kindness in fostering human connection. He describes a programme that was conducted across schools in Anaheim, California. Christened A Million Acts of Kindness, this programme, championed by the Mayor Tom Tait, involved schools actively promoting acts of kindness amongst students. As a result of children extending kindness to one another, both bullying and school suspensions plummeted.

Want to make a meaningful difference? Try kindness

Murthy outlines another programme that was spearheaded by a high school teacher following a horrific school shooting in Charlotte, North Carolina. Knowing that it was just impossible to go on with business as usual after the devastating event, Justin Parameter instituted the Undercover Agents of Kindness programme at his school. Parameter first put the names of all his students in a bowl and had pupils randomly draw a chit. The assignment that he gave students was to carry out a kind act towards the person whose name they had drawn and then write a report describing the experience.

So, students who hadn’t necessarily known one another well, went about making their lives easier. One student bought ice cream and stayed in the classroom with an injured student instead of going out to play. Another student gave his peer a stress ball because he noticed that his friend used to vent his frustrations in inappropriate ways. As a result of this programme, which gradually grew very popular, students started noticing and taking interest in each other’s lives and strove to make a meaningful difference. Murthy reports that this programme has mushroomed in other cities across the United States and the world.

Being kind is hazardous to loneliness

In a school in South Florida, another compassionate programme was initiated by a student, Denis Estimon and his peers. When he joined a new school, he noticed that not only he, but a subset of other children as well, seemed lonely and ate lunch by themselves. Teaming up with three classmates, Denis and his band would go around the school during lunch time and invite children who were sitting alone to join the We Dine Together group.

As kindness is infectious, this programme too spread its wings to fifteen other schools within a year and has taken root in other countries as well. Denis, who has subsequently graduated from high school, was so enthused by the success of his programme that he now runs a movement to champion inclusion in schools all over the world. He shared a poignant anecdote with Murthy that advertises the power of kindness. A mother of a boy with Asperger’s syndrome thanked Denis, her eyes brimming with tears, because her son had friends for the first time in his life, thanks to Denis’ brainchild.

To be happier, try a little more kindness

In her insightful book The How of Happiness psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky describes how acts of kindness can enhance the happiness and wellbeing, not only of the receiver, but of the giver as well. In one experiment, participants were asked to consciously perform everyday acts of kindness like holding the door open for somebody, sending flowers to a friend, visiting a sick relative etc. for a period of six weeks. The first group was asked to do five acts of kindness spread randomly across the week. The second group was asked to perform five acts in a single day per week. At the end of every week, the researchers obtained data from the participants that described their well-intentioned acts.

To the researchers’ surprise, only the second group that performed five kind acts on a single day per week exhibited a considerable increase in their happiness levels. Lyubomirsky speculates that this might be due to the fact that most of us routinely perform small acts of kindness every now and then. However, to experience a significant fillip to our happiness, the acts need to stand out. In other words, we need to do more than what we typically do.

Make acts of kindness salient and poignant, not tedious or routine

In another study, Lyubomirsky and her colleagues measure the happiness levels of participants one month after the intervention was conducted. Participants who performed a variety of kind acts showed greater gains in happiness than those who performed the same good deeds repeatedly. For kindness, as a practice, to make a dent in your wellbeing, the acts need to salient, meaningful and poignant rather than routine or tedious. Further, Lyubomirsky reminds us that the kind acts need to be done voluntarily for you to feel better about yourself.

As being kind positively impacts both the giver and receiver, we may consciously strive to include more kindness into our days. While vaccines may help us fight the pandemic, injecting kindness into our lives may help us heal more holistically.

The post Looking for happiness? Try a little more kindness appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Unlike the trolls represented in literature, there is nothing magical about internet trolls, and if you spend time online, you are bound to run into one. They love to hang out in crowded online communities, eagerly waiting for a post to appear on a site and comment on anything that could create complete chaos. Their goal is simple—to disrupt the flow of communication while having a laugh at another’s expense. Here are some of the tactics they use to entice their victim to respond to their virtual jabs:

• Name-calling
• Insults
• Deliberately saying and doing dumb things
• Put-downs
• Rants
• Harassment
• Off-topic posts

Once they get the community riled up, they sit back and watch their plan unfold. Trolls love to engage in combative and non-productive inflammatory jests which often leave their victim[s] feeling defeated, humiliated, insecure and sometimes even threatened. These individuals often play with people’s emotions and don’t know when to stop.

Why would someone be cruel online?

Since trolling is a relatively new phenomenon, research is lacking on what the motive and personality characteristics of people who participate in trolling is. But, if we agree that all practising socially acceptable behaviour serves a purpose, then clearly internet trolls are getting some type of kick out of their actions. But what are they getting? Furthermore, what are some of the personality quirks associated with this type of behaviour? Let’s understand the psyche of online trolls.

Online trolls are:

1. Emotionally detached

   People who troll have lost the feeling of empathy. They have desensitised themselves to the feelings of the person on the other side of the screen. The computer creates a barrier to human emotion and it’s hard to detect how much damage is being done when they can’t see how the person on the receiving end is responding. Plus, a screen allows leeway for the troll to do whatever they want without any accountability. Thus, they engage in conduct that they never would have done in a face-to-face interaction.

2. Identity coverers

   Within a matter of minutes, 53-year-old Sam can become 25-year-old Christina, and you’ll never know who he really is because he has concealed his identity. People who troll conceal their identity and hide behind a cloak of anonymity. If they can’t be seen, they can behave anyway they want [or so they think]. Many people who troll the internet take great pride in masking their true identity. In a matter of minutes they can create a fictitious profile, switching their gender and age; and if you ask for proof, they send a photo of their fake self easily pulled off the internet.

3. Leading a double life

   Similar to point 2 above, people who troll feel empowered by their online persona and may use the internet as a means to say and behave in ways they wish they could in their real lives. Internet trolls like juicy gossip, they like tabloid headlines and they like to nose around in other people’s lives, but they can’t seem to get a handle on their own. It’s almost as if the troll takes on an independent personality to cope with their current life situation.

4. Deceptive manipulators

   Unfortunately, some people who troll enjoy deceiving and playing with the emotions of others. Research has found a correlation between trolls and sadistic behaviour. So these people take great pride in humiliating and degrading other people. They enjoy watching others suffer. Maybe they are suffering in their own life and this is the only way they can get back at others. For instance, someone who is bullied in the workplace might retaliate online. So in a sense, trolling serves as a means of retribution for the things that have gone wrong in their own lives.

How should one deal with trolls?

If you want to steer clear of trolls, you have to beat them at their own game. Understand what feeds and drives them to take things to the next level. Listed below are some things you need to know about people who troll.

Characteristics of a typical online troll

Here are a few characteristics of a troll

1. They love it when you retaliate. When they know they have exasperated you, they will intensify their ill-mannered tactics
2. You cannot reason with them; they are irrational
3. They lack manners and therefore don’t operate under the conventional terms of social etiquette
4. They will not let you win or have the last word.

Practical tips to help you deal with a troll

If you are the victim of a troll, do not fret. Here are some tips to help you when you encounter trolling situations:

1. First disengage from any combative conversation. Do not let yourself get personally absorbed in an unhealthy dialogue. Every electronic device has an amazing little button that powers it off. Use it.
2. Take a break and get away from the computer. The online world creates a lot of impulsivity. Often you may feel that you need to respond immediately. This is dangerous. When you respond impulsively, you are reacting. It is okay to get away and put time and space between yourself and the situation. Time and space will help you calm down, clear your head and figure out a more appropriate way to respond.
3. Don’t take it as a personal attack. This is easier said than done, but you have to separate who you as a person are from what you are being attacked for online. Odds are, the person trolling you doesn’t even know you personally. So regardless of how unkind and personal the troll can become, it’s not a direct attack on the individual.
4. Cut off the conversation. Come up with simple statements like “You are entitled to your opinion, but rude and personal comments are unwarranted and unwelcome.” Then completely disengage from the conversation.
5. Do not engage in accusatory lingo online. For example, be wary of ‘you’ messages, as they can create a hostile conversation. Here is an example:
   — “You don’t know what you’re talking about. How can you be so stupid?”
   A better approach is expressing your own perspectives, views and opinions by using ‘I’ messages. Here is an example:
   — “I disagree with your statement and the view is not reflective of current research.”
6. Ensure your safety. If at any point in time your safety is threatened, you are harassed and the intent behind the trolling is to cause you harm, you must report the incident[s] to the site providers. Keep a record or screenshots of all of the threatening posts. You may need this information in the event you have to pursue legal action.

The virtual world is an intriguing world. As a matter of fact, many of us couldn’t do our jobs or function efficiently without the internet. Unfortunately, as long as the online community exists so will trolls. So, accept them for what they are—nuisances who serve no true purpose except to create trouble with a capital T [for Troll].