It took every ounce of mental prowess that I could muster to stop myself from running towards him. As any parent would be, I too was torn; after all, he was my son. And I was a duty-bound father who had sworn to protect him at any cost. But I didn’t move. Part of it was instinct and the curiosity to see how far he would go. Another part of it was the fact that I wanted to prove my wife wrong. You see, she always believed that I was a helicopter parent and that unless I let our son do certain things on his own, he would never learn. And while I vehemently voiced my displeasure at being boxed with such a tag, I knew it was true to some extent.

But little did I know, that in my endeavour to show her that I could let go, my toddler would end up teaching me some important life lessons as he went about his playground adventures. Over the past two years, every time that I’ve accompanied my son to the playground, I’ve had the opportunity to see some of life’s greatest lessons being inadvertently demonstrated by these little ones.

Today, I’d like to share a few of them with you.

1. Friendships are simple, uncomplicated and come in all shapes and sizes

My son was all of 18 months when the above incident happened. Up until that point, he’d been to the playground a few times, but we were his only friends. This would have been the first time that we had let him venture into the sandbox without us for company. I was petrified. Most of the kids were elder and larger than him, and seemed to be oblivious to his presence. But he surprised me. He nonchalantly strode into the sandbox and, within seconds, had started a conversation [in toddler speak] with another toddler of the same age. All it took was a smile.

As adults, we often get tongue tied and are unsure of how to take the first step. Why not just break the ice with a smile and a hello, like he did? Simple, isn’t it?

2. Failure is not defeat

Have you ever seen a kid give up? If I’m honest, I have lost count of the number of times my son has been unsuccessful in climbing the jungle gym or pulling himself up the monkey bar on the playground. In fact, I’ve often felt my heart beat like a set of percussion drums when watching him jump from one bar to another and land face first on the sand. But he dusts himself up and tries again. And again. And yet again. With children, no matter how many attempts it takes or how many times they fail, defeat is never an option. With us adults, all it takes it one failure to make us feel low.

As adults, we often get tongue tied and are unsure of how to take the first step

3. Fight, forgive, forget. Repeat

Ever think that arguments and fights are adult-only territories? In fact, I see kids fight a lot more with each other than adults probably would. But there’s a big difference. As adults, we tend to take a more “cold war” like approach to it. Kids on the other hand are brutally honest and tend to talk it out a lot more easily than we adults seem to do. I’ve found even my three year old embroiled in a “war of tantrums” with similar aged kids. But minutes later, once all the crying is done, they are back to being friends. The ease with which they forgive, forget and move on is nothing short of a miracle, and we adults could definitely take a leaf out of their book.

4. Dirt is good. Literally

I often spot my son and his merry band of other three-foot-tall toddlers, fervently digging in the strangest of places—from the sandbox to the bushes that surround the playground. While I’m not entirely sure what they’re searching for, they seem to enjoy getting their hands dirty. And often it leads to the most unexpected discoveries. The other day they found a limited edition Hot Wheels car; one that had not been manufactured for almost half a decade. Needless to say, they were very excited and there was some pushing and shoving, with each wanting to keep it. [But hey, that’s where point three comes handy.]

Of course, the lesson for us adults isn’t to literally go dig in the mud; the essence is not to be hesitant to get our hands dirty and to try something new. We are often so set in our ways and hate to move out of our comfort zones that we rarely risk trying something new. Who knows, you might find an alternate career, much like I did.

With children, no matter how many attempts it takes or how many times they fail, defeat is never an option

5. Of sharing, patience and turns

I’ll admit it. I’m a rather selfish person at times. In fact, there are even times when I refuse to share food with my wife. But, if you ever spend a few minutes observing some of these toddelrs at the playground, they can put you to shame. Yes, they have their moments of “This is mine!”, but largely they share their toys and play. All you need to do is ask nicely. Patience is another virtue that they all seem to pick up, while waiting for their turns to use the swings or climb up the ladder to the slides. Somehow, as adults, we seem to value these traits a lot less.

6. Anything can be useful; if you can imagine it to be

As an adult, you pick up that broken branch in your path and toss it away as waste. Kids pick it up and see possibilities. And an infinite number of them, at that.

A mound of dirt can be a castle and dew drops on the leaves can be jewels; the swings can be rockets that propel them to the skies while the broken branches of those trees could be swords.

What these toddlers, with their almost limitless creativity and imagination, teach us is that from time to time we must look outside the confines of the boundaries that we have boxed ourselves into. They teach us that there’s beauty in everything; you just need to clear your mind to see it.

But perhaps the most important life lesson that we could all learn from kids at the playground is that sometimes we just need to take things a little slow. In our bid to survive, save and secure a future for ourselves and our kids, we often forget to live in the moment and appreciate the beauty of those little things.

And often, it is perfectly okay to fall flat on your face and ask for help when you get stuck.

But most of all, we need to realise that all of these little lessons will come handy when we’re tackling that large playground called life.

The post 6 life lessons I learned from my toddler appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

The first time I heard that question was when my son was 16 months old. We had just relocated to India and were trying to find our feet. With my decision to change careers and the chaos that goes hand-in-hand with inter-country transfers, finding a playschool for our toddler was the last thing on our minds.

But the question kept presenting itself. At one point, we began suspecting the intentions of the inquirers. Were these kind people genuinely concerned about our toddler’s wellbeing? May be they were receiving a ‘commission’ for every toddler they referred to a playschool.

Before the search came the research

Spurred by these repeated questions, we started some research about institutes that would accept our son. At that point, I didn’t even know that a playschool and a pre-school are not the same thing. So we began with figuring out the differences between the two. A playschool is sort of an informal nursery group for kids between the ages of 2 – 4, while a preschool is more of an elementary learning institution for kids between the ages of 3 – 5. Playschools are meant for kids who are too young to be put in kindergarten, and while it does sound like a glorified day-care centre, there’s more to it than meets the eye.

Why all the fuss about a playschool or play group

To those of you who subscribe to the old-school [like I used to] and believe that kids don’t need to go to school until they’re over three years of age, this can be a difficult concept to grab. If either one of the parents [or extended family] stay at home with the child, then our thrifty mind convinces us that playschools are a waste of money. Besides  there better be a good reason for us to put the “apple of our eyes” into a formal educational institution at such a tender age.

Meant for kids who are too young to be put in kindergarten, playschools are more than just glorified day-care centres

But as we learned, there are definite advantages of enrolling your kids into a playschool. Here are the ones that we discovered:

• It helps to set them into a pattern—from waking up at a fixed hour to regular meal timings and having periodic naps.
• It is an amazing opportunity for kids to meet and interact with their peers and build their foundations of not just formal education, but also of social etiquette. This is especially so if you don’t have many small children in your neighbourhood who can be playmates to your child.
• It helps them in transition easily to a pre-school, kindergarten or Montessori when the time is right.
•  And most of all, it gives you [both parents, especially if you are a stay-at-home one] some time to get your personal things together [or ‘me-time’, as it is popularly known].

It is always a difficult decision to send your little one away, even if only for a few hours. We too were apprehensive about everything; but the balance of the scales tipped in favour of playschools.

However, there are a few important considerations that require your attention before you finalise the playschool for your child:

Commute and location

The location of the playschool is of paramount importance. You’ll need to take into account the distance that your ward [and you, if you are going to be the one who will pick up and drop your child] will be travelling. In most metropolitan cities, where rush hour traffic can be trying, this could be a make-or-break point. It might also be worthwhile to check if the playschool offers a pick up and drop facility; and the safety aspects of the same.

Expense

Education is no longer an inexpensive activity. Right from playschool till graduation, the costs of formal education have skyrocketed. Figuring out how much you can afford to put away for your child’s education is a crucial step. So get the number crunching in order. Don’t forget to ask the playschool about what is included in their fee structure. Often, things like field trips and festival costs take us by surprise, and having this information in advance will help us plan better.

Don’t forget to ask the playschool about what is included in their fee structure

Facilities

On your visit to the playschools check out their play areas, class rooms, pantry and presence of CCTVs. Also check if they have an emergency medical kit and on-call doctors. Remember, there are no silly questions. After all, you’re trusting them with your kid.

Background and accreditation

I’ve seen the faces of fellow parents go blank when we’ve brought this up. But much like you’d do for a regular school, it is vital that you verify the background and accreditation of the playschools you are considering. Seek out parents whose kids have previously attended the playschool and get a first-hand view of their experience. It’s also advisable to check other details such as—how long has the playschool been operational; if it meets the play/pre-school standards set out under the Early Childhood Care and Education [ECCE] policy that was set in place in 2012. From personal experience, I would suggest you should ensure that the person running the playschool is qualified and trained in the field of child development.

The staff

Find out about the teachers and their qualifications. Inquire how long the teachers have been associated with the institution and about their experience of working with kids. It would be good idea to find out how the teachers [and the playschool] discipline the children. While it is imperative that the staff be friendly and approachable, they should also be firm and know how to correct the errors of the little ones. Last but not the least, check the typical teacher-to-student ratio in the classroom, as this will ensure that your kids get enough attention from the teachers.

Hygiene and cleanliness

It is crucial that the playschool be well-maintained and the toilets be hygienic. Even better if the playschool supports or facilitates potty-training and has facilities for the same.

Ensure that the person running the playschool is qualified and trained in the field of child development

Food

Since the kids are only at the playschool for a short duration, you should know about their meal/snack times and ensure that it doesn’t disrupt their eating schedules and patterns. If the playschool will provide food, you should satisfy yourself with the quality of the food and the cleanliness of the kitchens.

Curriculum and system

While playschools primarily operate on the concept of using “play” to educate kids, as parents, it is crucial that we be aware of their teaching style. Most playschools will introduce the alphabet and numbers to our little ones; however a focus on all-round development is important too. Enquire with the playschool about their day-to-day activities and ensure that they balance the physical actives with mental workouts in the form of puzzles, memory games and other creative avenues. It might be a good idea to find out if they offer kids the freedom to choose some activities, from time-to-time. Ideally the curriculum should focus on—gross and fine motor skills, pre-writing/reading/math skills, imagination and free-play, arts, crafts and outdoor activities.

Letting go

As a parent who has been through this phase I can empathise with the fact that this whole “choosing a playschool” adventure can be a roller coaster ride of emotions. However, once you finalise the playschool, it is time to let go of a few of your inhibitions. Yes, you’re going to be concerned; but the teachers know their job and have perhaps been doing it for longer than we have been parents. So unless necessary, avoid interfering and let them do their job—which is to take care of our precious little ones. The initial separation and its accompanied anxiety may be hard, but I can assure you that the kids will settle in a lot quicker than us parents.

On that note, happy hunting and remember: the journey has just begun.

This was first published in the February 2016 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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The breadwinner husband with a six-figured annual salary, and a smiling stay-at-home mother, who despite running after a toddler and the wailing baby strapped on her shoulders, is impeccably dressed, right from the floral frock she wears down to the gorgeous pearl set around her neck.

Now imagine what would happen if you flipped this so-called “traditional and typical” family image on its head, and ended up with a wife who is the primary [or even sole] breadwinner and a husband [not in a floral frock, hopefully!] who’s taking care of a baby while, say, cleaning the house or folding laundry.

A stay-at-home husband? Outrageous!

I’ve asked a lot of people about this hypothetical scenario. The general consensus has been that it sounds unrealistic, comical and perhaps even displays shades of a marriage that isn’t functionally accurate. At first, I was amused by the initial responses. However, as more and more people chimed in with similar responses, the amusement slowly changed to anger; perhaps just as you’re feeling right now. Sadly, this cuts a very sorry image of the society that we live in; one that, despite all their educated decisions and tolerances, refuses to acknowledge that there is a wave of role-reversal in process.

Over the years, I’ve been asked plenty of uncomfortable questions; some just plainly intrusive, some others seemingly harmless but bundled neatly in a tone that I can only describe as mocking. The query of “how it felt to be stay-at-home dad” was one of the latter. Initially, I was surprised and rather shocked. But, as it went on, I started to take it in my stride and would often respond with a sarcastic reply. The truth, though, is that I am not sure that there is a definition that can do it justice. I have to be honest and say that it isn’t something that I’d fantasised about as a young kid. So, it wasn’t like I woke up one day and decided that I wanted to be a homemaker while my wife went to work. It sort of just happened.

Gender roles are set in stone

Even as I took on the role of the primary caregiver, I knew it wouldn’t be an easy ride. What I had not imagined was how difficult being a stay-at-home dad could be, in a society such as ours. Perhaps it’s because we’re too deep-rooted in our misguided beliefs. Such as the one that says it is preferable to have a man as the primary or sole breadwinner, while the woman is pushed to stay within the confines of the house. Or maybe it is because there is a stereotype that a man’s sense of self-worth is somehow ingrained in his ability to provide for his family. And what about the woman’s sense of self-worth, I hear you ask? Well, she’s just treated as a second-class citizen, isn’t she?

There is even a marked difference in the way women are addressed. The men are given a fancy term such as stay-at-home dad, while the mothers are just labelled homemakers. Personally, I find it demeaning. But then again, we are largely a patriarchal society. However, I’ve come to realise a discerning fact. Despite all the talk about feminism and the need for women to be at-par with men in our society, we find it difficult to stand up to that ideology of true equality. Often, when I enter a room that is predominantly [if not entirely] filled with women, there is an air of confusion, distrust and eerie silence. While they don’t say anything that makes me uncomfortable, the expressions on their faces often betray their thoughts. And that is something that I’ve really struggled to come to terms with.

Still the odd dad out

But as the saying goes, “practice sort of makes it perfect”. So having been a stay-at-home dad for almost two years now, I am used to being the odd male in a sea of women. Truth be told, it does make me feel like the Hindu god Lord Krishna, frolicking amongst his Gopis. Except for the fact that the “Gopis” here are mostly mothers or nannies, this “Krishna” has a naughty toddler who insists on doing the very opposite of what he’s told; and the “frolicking” is often a conversation about either illness, foods that the kids eat, the school they go to or a combination of all of the above.

What I’ve realised is that the more we constantly harp on about gender equality, the more we seem to be open to the idea of women joining the male bandwagon. However, we are still miles away from men doing activities [or even professions] that were once stereotyped as being for women. So in essence, the transformation or movement is only in one direction. Perhaps, it is to do with how society views us. They say it is acceptable for women to be homemakers, or even all right for women to be one of the earning members of the family while continuing to be care-givers. But should a reversal of roles occur, all hell breaks loose.

All guts and little [or no] glory

During the initial period, I was shunned by stay-at-home moms, who understandably found it odd to have a male adult in their midst. Other dads isolated me too and would conveniently steer the conversation towards their jobs, politics or sports—three areas that are, once again, stereotypically “male territory”. Between being labelled as a weakling and hen-pecked for lacking a heavy dosage of testosterone, I’ve been called a lot of things on this journey of being a stay-at-home father.

However, the biggest lesson that I’ve learnt is that you need bucket-loads of guts, confidence and courage, to rebel against what society accepts as a norm. In fact, it takes a man who is wholly secure with himself to go against the grain and do something different in the name of equality.

Of course, you will have to first make peace with the stares of women at the playground and the men who socially ostracise you. Oh, and then there are the teachers who insist on talking only to your wife about your offspring’s development. In fact, during the first PTA at our son’s new school, the teacher distinctly told my wife that she was unsure how to talk to me.

“Just as you would talk to any parent!” was my reply, as I walked off.

This was first published in the November 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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