The workplace—whether you are a highway worker, an office assistant, a retail clerk, a senior manager or a limo driver—is stressful. Often times there aren’t enough hours in the day to do what’s required of you. The people you work with may be TDO’s [The Difficult Ones] and your boss may be a person who just really enjoys exerting power over others. So, what do you do? You probably can’t quit. Most people need their paycheck. Instead of physically leaving the job, consider mentally approaching the workplace in a different way. Become mindful in the workplace.

What’s mindfulness? According to the The Oxford Mindfulness Centre, “Mindfulness is an aid to enhancing human potential by combining modern science with ancient wisdom.”

In reaction to the stress at the workplace, our bodies change in a negative way. Mindfulness allows us to reset our bodies aiming to a more positive, productive outcome.

But, if you are a limo driver or retail worker, it might not be prudent to start a meditation in the middle of what you are doing just to begin to relieve the stress. Mindfulness in the workplace has to be practical and workable in whatever line of work you do.

Five steps towards greater mindfulness

There are five steps you can take to become more mindful in your daily work activities:

1. Knowing your triggers
2. Becoming aware of your surroundings
3. Listening to and changing your self-talk
4. Learning to breathe
5. Having a variety of tools you can use

Start by recognising what triggers you

Most people don’t know what sets them off and starts the downward stressful cycle. Something happens and you react—but what? Begin to pay attention to what gets you. When does your heart rate go up? When did your palms get clammy? When did you start to clench your teeth? Keep a journal if possible so throughout your day you can begin to note the things that trigger your negativity.

Become more aware of your surroundings and your physical state

Bring your attention back several times a day to how you are sitting, or standing. Focus on how you hold your body. Focus on the people around you and how positive, or negative they are. People move through their day largely unaware of their surroundings and their own physical state so pause several times throughout the day and just take stock of what’s happening. Once you recognise something that is painful or negative, resolve to drop it and move your attention to something more positive.

Watch your self-talk

Recognise the self-talk you give yourself as you react to things throughout the day. Once you know your triggers, and become aware of your surroundings you will probably hear the self-talk that starts up. “I hate my boss.” “This place is the worst.” “I’ll never get all of the things done that she is asking me to do.” “I wish I could win the lottery and give my notice.” The talk you engage in, inside of your own head, is often the most debilitating thing happening throughout the day. Your talk drags you down and keeps you down. Listen to what you are saying and choose to reframe. “Yes, this person I work for can be challenging but I can learn to deal with him/her.” “I am fortunate to be healthy and working and I’ll do the best job I can do each day.” “There is too much to do but I can only do one thing at a time, so let me focus on what’s in front of me.” Your self-talk doesn’t change your conditions, but it can normalise them and give you more strength to deal with them.

Next, learn to breathe

The most amazing thing about deep breathing and its ability to centre you and calm you, is that you can do it anywhere and at any time. Most people never learn to breathe properly and they take rapid breaths in the chest area. Imagine a deflated balloon in your stomach. When you breathe in, fill that balloon with healthy air, when you breathe out empty the balloon of all negativity. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. The mind can’t focus on two things at once so bring your attention to your breath and the other stresses are diminished.

Lastly, build your toolbox

There are a number of things you can do to practise becoming more mindful: Chew your food slowly and thoughtfully; Take a moment before a meal to give thanks; drive your car at the speed limit; slow your walking pace down when you catch yourself rushing; count to 10 before you respond when speaking to someone; keep a smooth stone in your pocket to rub when you begin to experience stress.

The more you practice being mindful in the things you do each day, the easier it will be to be mindful in your workplace.

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We know that research has proven over and over again that we can’t effectively do two things at once. While ‘multi-tasking’ has become the norm, we are not hard-wired to be able to effectively do more than one thing at a time. When it comes to listening to others, it’s important to remember this.

We lose a great deal when we neglect to focus on another person. When we aren’t giving our full attention and we have to ask someone to repeat themselves, we send a message to the other person that they aren’t that important to us. We don’t learn as much about others, and we can’t possibly convey that we care about others, without putting the energy and attention into listening to them.

How can we reclaim the lost art of listening?

» Become aware of your filters

We all have them. We take in information through the filter of ‘me’. We process it, digest it and understand it by relating it to something we think we already know. Unfortunately, in the listening arena, this means we may not allow someone to finish their thought. Or we may put a label on what they are saying, or judge their experience. We are quick to jump to a conclusion, thinking we ‘know’ what they are saying. Putting aside our filters means we stop those voices in our heads while we are listening to someone else. We don’t cut them off in mid-sentence. We don’t respond to their story with a story about our lives and our concerns. Instead, we listen and patiently wait for the person to explain. We probe and ask ‘why’ questions for deeper understanding; not in a combative way, but with a sincere interest and curiosity. Seek to learn who they really are and why they say what they say.

» Watch behavioural styles

We all have different communication approaches. Some of us are bold and definitive in our approach. Others prefer to think about things and mull over them. Some of us are upbeat and gregarious, while others are more non-emotional and even critical. Different styles can get in the way of our understanding. We focus more on how someone is saying something, rather than what they are saying. In fact, we can even stop listening because we become so aware of the other person’s tone, body language and pace. Realise that often when we ‘don’t like’ someone, it is really because we are reacting to their style. We can stop paying attention because of this interpersonal distraction. Be aware of it when it happens, look past the style, and try to understand the meaning behind the words.

» Give them your full attention

It takes energy and commitment to give someone your full attention when they are talking. This means you can’t drive and talk, you can’t read emails and talk, and you can’t ‘get something done’ while you talk. When in person, physically face the person. On the phone, refuse to look at other things; imagine the person is in front of you, watching you. At the moment you are listening, consider that person, and the engagement you are having, to be the centre of your universe. Nothing else matters. Pretend you’ve never talked to them before and you don’t know anything about them, and it’s your job—your requirement—to learn all that you can. If you cannot muster up the energy for this type of engagement with someone else, don’t bother interacting. We know when another person doesn’t really have the time or effort for us. If you care, create the energy you need to make that person the central figure of your life for the period of time they are talking to you. Focus. Focus. Focus.

» Don’t assume you know what they mean

How often do we want to move the conversation along, so we jump to conclusions and make assumptions about what someone else is saying? We hear a word we recognise, or a theme that makes sense to us, and we stop listening—assuming we know what’s going on. Most of us have had the situation where we acted on something, assuming we knew what another person wanted. We were sure of ourselves and responded—only to find out we were wrong. We misunderstood something entirely. It’s frustrating for both parties when this happens. Realise that if you ‘think’ someone else wants something, or means something or is in need of something, you are probably wrong! Instead of thinking about them, talk to them. Seek clarification and understanding. Get specific – instead of ‘‘Do you want me to call you?’’ respond with, “Do you want me to call you on your cell phone next Wednesday afternoon?” Take the time to clarify and specify, so you know what’s being conveyed or required.

» Make listening a priority

When you think about things you want to be known for, most of us want to be recognised for how smart we are, or how successful we are, or how socially ‘wired’ we are. How many of us strive to be recognised for being a good listener? How many of us wake up and set a goal of really listening to each person we encounter that day? If you want to recapture the lost art of listening, you have to make it a priority. It has to be an important focus for you and something that you care about. If you give the process short shrift, you can’t possibly improve your skills. Many of us yearn for that person who will listen; that person who seems to care only about us, and what we are saying in that moment. It’s a human desire to be understood! If you can be the person who listens well, and cares what others are saying, you will be memorable in business and in life.

Bringing back the lost art of listening in the Age of Distraction won’t be easy. But it’s possible, and it’s necessary if you really want to know what others care about and what’s happening in their lives. In business it is essential to listen well, and in our personal lives it makes us a much more appealing friend or mate!

The post The lost art of listening appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

The problem with resistance to change is that the world is changing around us: We age. Our job situation changes. Our family dynamics change. Our health changes. Our relationships change. Change is central to the universe, as the Greek philosopher Heraclitus noted several hundred years back. The only thing we can count on is that something will change.

As per the Random House Dictionary change is “To make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of [something] different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone; i.e. turn it into a situation or condition favourable for attainment of a goal or a good position, chance, or prospect, as for advancement or success.”

What can we do to make a change into that “favourable condition” we desire? Here are six important concepts to think about when facing an opportunity to change.

You are not your conditions

This may be one of the hardest ideas to grasp, but one of the most freeing, once we do. While conditions around you may be tumultuous and in upheaval, you do not have to ride along with them and let your emotional state take you over in negativity and anxiety. You can watch conditions unfold without diving in headfirst with an emotional response that may not serve you well down the road. Many people happily adopt a ‘victim mode’ when things are not going as they’d like them to.

Drop the idea that you are a helpless, hapless person being thrown this way and that. Instead, mentally imagine you are able to step outside what’s happening around you. Watch what goes on without being drawn into it. Become more objective, more clinical. Gather facts and data.

Understand what you are dealing with before you decide on your best course of action. Once you know what needs to be done, move forward in confidence.

To a ship without a rudder, any port is home

Too many people, if given the chance to change, don’t know where they’d even like to go. What does success really look like to you? What are your top three goals? We are holistic beings, so identify them in a number of areas—family, romantic, career, hobby, financial, spiritual and others. Define what success looks like and then write it down. Use as much detail as possible so you paint a clear picture of what you’d like to happen.

Keep your goals in front of you like a beacon on a lighthouse, guiding you and directing you to where you really want to go.

The inner begets the outer

Much as we are often loath to admit it, our internal state often attracts what we receive externally. We want desperately to fix conditions ‘out there’, when our time and energy is often best spent fixing what’s inside of us. What holds you back? What strengths do you possess? What is your self-talk like day-to-day? When something bad happens, do you respond with “Of course!”, or do you expect good things to come along? Are you confident in your outcomes? Spend more time working on your inner self—thoughts and feelings and reactions, and less time worrying about everyone else and how you need to change them. Treating others in a positive, optimistic fashion can’t help but come back to you in positive and productive ways.

No matter your position, you can effect change

Some of us love to blame the boss, or our company, or our stature in life for our negative conditions. The truth is that every day when we get up, we decide how we will either run or ruin our day. It’s interesting that when we insert the “i”, run becomes ruin!

We can effect change no matter where we stand in life or in our careers. In many companies, the most powerful people are not the ones sitting in the C-level offices; they are the ones who have learned how to communicate effectively, influence others and succeed in whatever they are tasked with doing. Each day, we can decide that we will be a part of a positive impact, and we can take dedicated steps to bring about positive change. Instead of brooding over how powerless we are, it helps to look for those places—however small—where we can make an impact. Don’t wait until you have the money, the power or the position you desire—commit to making the change happen now!

Some take advantage of a ‘bad’ situation, while others wait for a ‘good’ one to come

Nothing is all bad or all good. There are shades to everything. In difficult economic times, for example, some companies hunker down and lay off people but others find their niche and thrive in the very same conditions. Children that grow up in difficult households can turn out different—one might be afraid and under confident her entire life, while another may take those circumstances and use them as a “fire in the belly” to become successful in spite of the odds.

People with no college education go on to found successful companies and become millionaires, while others who have gone to the best schools in the world never seem to find their place and never achieve real financial or career success. No matter what circumstances you are in, or are given, you can make lemonade from the lemons life hands you. Keep focused on your goals and desired outcomes, and figure out what stands in your way—your personal obstacles. Identifying the obstacles allows you to systemically remove them on the way to your desired outcome.

It’s a process, not a destination

We’ve all heard this hundreds of times. Why, then, do we seem to tie our happiness to ‘when’ we get somewhere? Life truly is a journey. Change is going to happen whether we want it to or not. And even once we get somewhere we want to go, we might find we really want to go somewhere else. It’s important to have goals and dreams, but not depend on their achievement for our happiness in the now. Try to find joy in each day. It can be as simple as feeling the sun on your face, spending time with a pet or hobby, or having a meaningful conversation with a child, parent or other family member.

Make a Thankful List every day. List what you are grateful for and what makes you happy in your life. Take stock every day of what you have—your skills, your creativity, your home, your family and your health. Look for the little things, too.

Consider having a “Grateful Box” easily available and put pieces of paper into it each day about things you are grateful for. Read them at the end of each day, or each week. Make ongoing lists that you can refer to anytime you feel sad, or stuck. Think of your change journey as a cruise ship. Getting to the destination is just as much fun as being there. There are buffets, games, friendly people and open seas. Make your life a cruise that contains enjoyment each day as you navigate the waters of change.

The cycle of life will continue with changes that you put into place, and others that are thrust upon you. The great news is that we can effect change, whether it is something we seek out, or we are dealing with it unexpectedly. Learning to embrace change by using any of these six key concepts will increase your chances to make the process of change, and the results you get, more positive and effective for you. But it does take effort on your part.

Simply allowing the change to unfold without considering these concepts leaves you open and vulnerable. Instead, choose to approach change as the Random House Dictionary suggests: “To make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of [something] different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone…” Don’t just leave it alone, make the shift happen for you.

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