Not long after we fell in love, my husband had an accident and his body took nearly a year to heal. I had to take care of him while he recovered. That was the first of the many curveballs life threw at us. Then, we graduated college with no job prospects due to the economic recession. I worked three part-time jobs, while he fell into a terrible depression that lasted eight months. We moved cities and continents, four times within three years, with each move more stressful than the last. We fought with our families—often.

Then, I had a death on my side of the family, which uprooted us yet again to a different country—an impulsive decision that paid off in the long run. After the death of this family member, I suffered from depression for nearly a year, while my husband pulled it together and started his career. While everyone else around us was travelling, getting married and having children, we were just starting out. We worked and worked, we budgeted and stayed home and, five years later, we were finally able to pay for our wedding—so at last we said “I do”.

Then I got pregnant and fell so sick for the entire nine months that I had to completely stop working. We had our child and the upheavals continued! As I reflect on the past decade, there have been so many ups and downs already that I wonder what the next 10 years will bring or even the next 60 years… Keeping our marriage alive through all of these external struggles has definitely been a test of commitment for me and my husband.

Making your own happy ending

The truth is that there is no such thing as ‘happily ever after’. Things like job security, money, family, death, anxiety, moving and health can all affect your marriage. To add to those, you will be going through moments of different personal interests and common everyday disagreements. Certain stressors can affect their behaviour and moods, and you never know how long these periods will last. So yes, sometimes it may be hard to be with your spouse.

I tend to look at marital problems as a way of life, telling me that a certain area requires my attention. If I am having a hard time with my spouse, I take it as an indicator that I need to work harder at my marriage by introspecting, ever so gently. Sometimes life shoves couples on a whirlwind, away from each other. And being married for life—it is YOUR job to find your way back to each other and reconnect.

Here’s what you can do:

Remember why you got together in the first place

Even in the hardest times, you must get back to the source; that is, the way you used to be in the good old days. Remember what qualities attracted you to your spouse, even if they are now shrouded. Remember why you fell in love with her and the beautiful things she used to do. Reminisce—together if you can.

Spend quality time

I once read somewhere that an average couple only spends seven minutes of quality time together per day. Work and looking after the kids can distract you from your bonding time. Take the opportunity to look for moments of your togetherness where you can improve your reconnection. This could even be as simple as sharing a meal together and asking your partner how their day was. Or, when you are going to bed, turn off all devices and just be there with them. Spending quality time is all about giving your undivided attention to your partner.

Physical touch

There is nothing like physical touch to unite a couple because, in tough situations, sometimes there are just no words to say. A quick kiss as you go out of the door, a hug before bed, or even just an old-fashioned handholding does wonders.

Date nights

Never stop making the effort to date and woo your partner. Set up a weekly date night like going for dinner and a movie on a certain day of the week and stick to it—don’t cancel, even if you have been arguing. Spending quality time together will reconnect you faster, and more frequently.

No ‘problem’ talk

Everyone will say that you should communicate with your spouse, but you shouldn’t overdo it. If you are having issues, briefly speak of them and then give it a rest, do not nag them about it. You should not pollute your quality time with talking about all your problems, all the time.

Take time for yourself

Sometimes the best way to take the pressure off your marriage is to spend time with yourself so that you could work on ‘you’. In a marriage, it is so easy to give-give-give to the other person that you unconsciously start to resent them. You also need to ask yourself what you are bringing to the table for yourself and take an inventory of your needs.

No marriage is immune to life’s strains. In a long term partnership, you have to be able to ride the waves in the good times and the bad. Then you can weather any storm that comes upon you.

This was first published in the April 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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Certain things are necessities in life. Your housing payment, groceries and those monthly utility bills are things you definitely need to take care of. Some things are nice to have, but can be toned down a bit so they don’t suck you dry. An extravagant wedding or a pricey vacation should not be at the top of your budget. Once you identify potential pitfalls, you can successfully combat the money wasters and take back your finances. Here are a couple of budget-blowers and some ideas on how to still enjoy them, for a lot less.

Wedding woes

The wedding of your dreams may include a horse-drawn carriage, a lengha designed by Tarun Tahiliani, a massive guest list and a limitless buffet, among other luxuries. You might want to have pyrotechnics and dancers at every ceremony, but if you can only afford the venue, then it’s time to face reality.

Though it’s the most logical step, many people want to go all out and refuse to chart their expenses. So first and foremost, you should create a wedding budget [www.realsimple.com/weddings/budget/wedding-budget-worksheet]. You can create a worksheet that helps you successfully track your numbers. Figure out what you can reasonably afford in each category, like flowers, food, music and anything else. You may find that you end up with a bigger number than you are comfortable with.

From this point, it should be easier to figure out how to cut corners without having too big an effect on the big day. Replace pricey orchids with seasonable and easy-to-find flowers, tone down the menu and buy the less expensive fireworks. Consider trimming your guest list to the most important people in your life. After all, you need to question why you want to have the wedding of the century. If it’s to impress other people, you might want to reconsider, because however much you spend, you will always have special memories of that day.

Housing hassles

It seems like first-time homebuyers easily get stars in their eyes. You want your dream home and you want it now. In order to get it, you should go for homes listed at the top of your price list, right? Wrong. Often, people fail to consider that on top of paying for the house, you will have monthly bills like electricity, phone and others, food to buy and unexpected expenses that could always crop up. You don’t want to find yourself stretched too thin and struggling to make ends meet just because you went for that expensive home. Keep an open mind and try looking for homes that are a bit less than your budget, so this way you’ll have money that you can save.

Also there are certain things you should not skimp on when home buying, such as property inspections, so you’re sure that you will not end up with a house could be draining you of your money.

Travel trip-ups

You’re planning your annual vacation, and you have dreams of faraway places and lengthy stays. You reason that vacation time only comes once a year, so you might as well make it big. That is true, but you don’t have to go all out to have a great time. In fact, many people find that simply planning a vacation is almost as much fun as actually being there [but you don’t have to be that miserly either].

You can always tone down your vacation dreams from something too extravagant to something a bit more down-to-earth. If you want a beach vacation, plan a trip to a place you can drive to instead of blowing your vacation funds on costly plane tickets. No matter where you go, you will reap the benefits that vacations bring, such as an improved mood, stress relief and happiness.

Of course, if you are set on seeing the sites of Paris, France, you shouldn’t trade it by going to Pondicherry to see the French architecture there. By all means, go. Before you do, however, make sure you compare prices and take advantage of deals on discount travel websites. When you are there, buy a baguette and gourmet cheese at a local market to enjoy an inexpensive lunch at a park instead of a posh restaurant. With the right mindset, anything can be fun.

Education errors

It seems like getting a fancy degree is essential in today’s competitive market in order to land your ideal job. But obtaining that degree can turn out to be an expensive proposition. If attending a four-year university program abroad is out of your price range, find out if there is any university in India that offers the equivalent of that degree or a course that will cover the same subjects you want to learn.

In some countries you can also obtain an associate’s degree with credits you can later transfer to another school, when you feel more capable of spending the money. Of course, online programs are also an option. There are plenty of online institutions that can grant you a degree, from the comfort of your own home and schedule.

There are some things to beware of, before enrolling make sure the school has proper accreditation. You don’t want to spend money pursuing a degree that’s worthless and will be a huge waste of your time and money. Use common sense and do your homework before committing to any program whether or not you have doubts about the institution.

These tips will help you eliminate wasteful spending while still allowing you to enjoy the finer things in life. By making the most of your money, you can live life to the fullest.

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