It is your speech. The words you pick and the style you choose to deliver them can make all the difference. They determine whether you love or hate, accept or reject, share or shun.

Your speech can trigger profound emotions not just in humans, but in any living creature. You may occasionally deceive humans with your false speech, speaking words you never meant, but animals sense your sincerity. When you speak sincere words, kindly and sweetly, the inner you starts to glow; you experience ace. Your relationships automatically improve and you increasingly find yourself surrounded by those who care about you, primarily because your speech and words can make them feel good, make them feel important, make them feel human, even divine.

Vedic texts categorise all emotions fundamentally into two types: positive and negative. When you trigger a positive emotion in someone, you get a favourable response. Such responses strengthen both you and them, they build your bond. As a result, love grows naturally.

The baba who lost followers due to his harsh words

The other day, a man in his 50s visited me from a far off place. It took him three days to reach the ashram. A simple villager from a distant state, he heard from someone about the place and said he could not resist the temptation to come and see me. I met him and he was elated. He had tears of joy rolling down his cheeks. This was our first meeting. He narrated a story to me.

About 30 years ago, a renowned saint was visiting a nearby village for a week. Devotees were expected to visit in large numbers so a stage with tents was setup. Community fire offerings to the deities and sermons were scheduled. So this person and his friend got on their tractor to visit the saint. Both were farmers and this was the only vehicle they had besides their bicycles. The place was a little too far for paddling so they chose the tractor instead. It was a very hot day, as if the sun had descended on earth. After navigating through the traffic, driving on paved and unpaved roads, a tiring 90 minutes and several kilometres later, they reached their destination.

It was already midday. Their lips were parched and their bodies singed from excessive heat. They longed for water. In their hearts, however, they were happy that soon they would be seeing the saint. They went to the meeting room, where a young monk, perhaps a disciple of the godman, was present. He seemed to have no connection with anything divine; nothing about him gave the impression that he had anything to do with self-realisation or God. Nevertheless, he was robed in saffron, so the farmers showed due respect and asked him if they could meet the saint.

“Wait here and I will go and inform Baba,” he replied in a cold and indifferent tone.

“Where can we have some water?” the man asked hoping to be pointed to a nearby water source.

“Water? It is on the other side of the ground. But what if Baba comes now and you are not here? Have it later after his darshan,” he rebuked, completely ignoring their sweaty faces and dehydrated looks.

The thirst continued

The farmers sat down and waited. They kept licking their lips, but there was no more saliva forming in their mouths. They really needed water, but they were here to quench their inner thirst, they reflected. After half-an-hour Baba appeared.

They prostrated before him and sought his blessings. The saint asked them all sorts of questions about their domicile, demographics, land ownership, which tractor they drove, and the rest of it.

“Baba, how come there is no one here? It is supposed to be such a big event,” the man uttered out of complete innocence.

“You think everyone is as stupid and dumb as you are to travel in this heat? Are they all idle and redundant like you to come in the middle of the day?” Baba replied in a frustrated and angry tone.

Pin drop silence ensued. All questions about God, all spiritual desires, all madness about self-realisation fled their very beings. They looked at each other, bowed before the holy man and left promptly.

They got on their tractor, did not bother to drink water and left that place as quickly as they could. On their way, the duo didn’t even talk to each other. They felt hurt and ridiculed. They stopped their tractor at a lemonade stall under a tree and got down.

It was 30 years ago and living was not so cruelly expensive.

They gulped down three glasses each of tasty lemonade and rested under the shade for half-an-hour and then had another glass each. They paid their dues and the vendor smiled. Everyone felt complete. The vendor even helped them to restart their tractor which had to be done manually by pulling a cable in one swift, jerky movement, like the old-style lawn mowers.

They did not visit another “saint” for many years after that. Verbal offerings of Baba killed their spiritual curiosity.

Two ways to express love

I chuckled while hearing the simple villager’s story, more at his simplicity and the manner in which the farmer narrated the whole thing; it was situational. He said, “Only if that Baba had uttered some words of love or care, we would have pledged our lives to him.” He stayed in the ashram for a few days and left peacefully.

His story highlights something profound: before all knowledge, possessions, labels, and attainments comes the emotion of love. There are only two ways to express love: with words, and gestures. Generalisation aside, everyone is tied to the language. You use words and gestures of love with them and they become yours.

Buddhist texts further expand positive and negative emotions into eight types, four in each category. And four out of those eight depend solely on your speech, articulation, and choice of words. If you can speak softly, without raising your volume, you can settle even the most violent disagreements; you can get your point across in practically no time.

Regardless of how serious, important, grave or complicated. The matter, all that is required to speak kindly is mindfulness, a gentle reminder to yourself about how you want to behave. If you decide to practise restraint and kindness in speech, you will experience and spread bliss. You may have nothing material to offer, you surely have words to choose from though. Pick them carefully.

Life’s greatest pleasures are in the smallest things, in priceless simple gestures and in sincere words. Express yourself in the kindest possible manner.

Tell someone today how important they are to you.

The post Om Swami on why the words you speak are paramount appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Can we still find some relevance in a set of pictures from the 12^th century? Yes! Only if we grasp the essence and accept that to find something, we have to lose it. When we find it, we see that it was there all along. In our exploration, we have to throw away the things hiding it from our view. Yet, we also have to live in the world, support ourselves and families, maintain relationships, work, shop, cook, clean, eat and sleep. No wonder, we need great faith and great determination as our companions! Now let’s look at the pictures.

Picture 1

To begin, a young farming boy is seen in picture one, most probably asking the question; ‘Who am I really?’ That could mean re-assessing our lives. Am I happy? Is there joy in my life? Am I fulfilled as a human being? Is there more to my life than spending all my day engrossed in projects and workload. Such questions and similar ones mark the beginning of our search for the ox.

Picture 2

In search of our Ox, we look for books, teachers, videos, gurus. Perhaps we find an interesting course to attend and, listening to the teacher, we feel as if they are speaking to us personally. The words resonate within us and there it is—we find traces of the Ox.

Pictures 3 – 5

Mindfulness will lead us to find the Ox and, with discipline and self control, will help to catch the Ox. We get the inspiration to make changes and perhaps are satisfied with this progress, but wait… there is the long process of taming the Ox [picture 5]. Can we become masters of our mind and not slaves to every whim and desire that arises? This could be a long and arduous process for many. Why go too far, you’re probably already a slave to your computer and mobile phone and they rule your life. Think about it.

Picture 6

Here our seeker friend is found proudly riding the Ox back home; the object of his goal apparently achieved, he is one with the Ox. He is happy and believes his journey has ended. He is satisfied with the progress made and is enjoying the success. This is comparable perhaps with the sought-after promotions or our delight on receiving recognition. It is hard to be honest with ourselves, but try stepping back to see if your attitude is one of self-satisfaction.

Picture 7

That’s how, in picture seven, the Ox disappears; it is forgotten and the seeker is alone. Maybe you are content and no longer seeking, or more likely, feeling isolated and lonely. Fundamentally, the picture reminds us that we are self-absorbed. No one else matters. We live totally in our own minds. But good company [satsang] is vital in spiritual life. Join with or form a sangha—a group of like-minded friends with whom you can share your practice and experiences.

Picture 8

Faith and trust carry us on and reaching the next stage, Man and Ox both forgotten, we find an empty circle. Zero! No person, no Ox, nothing! Nothing to see but emptiness. However, the circle is enclosed; it is full of space. So, do you view the circle as empty or full? When you attain your true self, the mind is empty yet limitless.

Picture 9

Returning to the Source may be the answer. Appreciating nature, marvelling at the miracles all around us, things over which we have no control and where we have no say in the matter. A tree blooms, the stream flows. There are birds and fish, and there is no person shown. The options and interpretations are limitless.

Picture 10

Finally, entering the marketplace with open hands. Most often referred to as ‘returning’. Coming back to the marketplace from which we wanted to escape, coming back with empty hands of compassion. Returning with a will to serve and with the ability to love without expecting anything in return. So much so that you can’t stop yourself from doing it. Allowing compassion to flow freely, first toward your own circumstances and then extending it to others.

This is the aim of Zen practice.

At the end, in the last picture, an old man is seen with a young boy. Returning to ordinary life with a different perspective; empty hands; not holding on to anything; life continues but the search has ended. Having gone through the processes described within the pictures, our young boy ages and becomes ageless.

We are not who we thought we were. We are insignificant yet greater than we imagined. We are not alone; we are all in this life together; old and young, rich and poor. Are we really any different from one another? Can we put the insignificant part of us aside and allow the greater part to come forward and be of help to others?

In the start of this article, I gave you only half of the story ‘What is the Way’. I end by giving you the final lines: “What about you: do you see it?”, the monk asked. “So long as you see double, saying I don’t and you do, and so on, your eyes are clouded,” said the master, to which the monk asked, “When there is neither ‘I’ nor ‘You’, can one see it?” The master replied, “When there is neither ‘I’ nor ‘You’, who is the one that wants to see it?”

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How to reach this stage of turiya? This is a problem of spiritual life. We struggle, we strive, and we starve—on three lower stages; when we feel hungry, our hunger cannot be satisfied by even most delicious dishes; when we feel thirsty, this thirst cannot be quenched by the choicest drinks. Our hunger and thirst continue to grow. Then it is out of the yearning heart goes forth a cry “O, for someone who may take us out of our little selves into the larger life of the Spirit, someone who has drunk out of the elixir of life and eaten the prasadam of God’s grace.” Such a one, for want of a loftier name, is called a “Guru”. I love to speak of him as “Beloved”. You will look at him, he will look at you, he will look into you and will read your heart like an open book. Each will recognise the other and he will softly whisper in your ears, “Come, my child. Follow me.” And without a single question or doubt, you will follow him wherever he leads you, unto the very ends of the earth, unto hell even!

Aspire for spiritual growth

The search of the worldly man is for goods of the earth, its pleasure and power; the quest of a true seeker is for a guru. Jesus said, “Seek and ye shall find.” By ‘seek’ he did not mean, ‘seek a guru’. A guru is not a dictator, not a task master, nor a hypnotist, who will paralyse your will. A guru is a friend, a helper, a brother, a burden bearer, a guide and a way. He is so humble that very often he does not even acknowledge being a ‘guru’, but for those, who would be his ‘disciples’, he is a friend and fellow pilgrim. It is only after the seeker has found one such person that is when his spiritual journey begins.

It is so difficult to get a true ‘guru’ these days, when religion has become just a shadow of reality. We cannot leave home and wander, from place to place, in search of a real man of God. Only one thing is possible—aspire that it may be your fortune to draw near to someone touching the hem of God. The law of the seeker’s life is ‘aspire,’ even as the law of the worldly men is ‘perspire’—see how men perspire in pursuit of things which the world gives and the world takes away.

Aspire—like the smoke of a fire, always rise upward. Let the fire burn within you. The fuel for this fire comes from a communion with saints. Commune with them by serving the poor; for the poor are their rupas—their broken forms. Commune with them in your heart, in the hour of silence and solitude. For silence and solitude are as essential to spiritual growth as sunshine and water.

A saying ascribed to Jesus goes, “Devotion has 10 parts, nine of which are found in silence and one in flight from men.” Enter into silence and commune with the saints. Commune, by reading their words of wisdom and the story of their lives, and their spiritual striving and attainments. Study and reflect upon these teachings.

Read but remember that books will not take you far. There is always a chance of falling into a pitfall—vanity of learning. Read little, practice more. Let your reading reflect in your daily life. So become a ladder unto yourself to reach beyond you.

The true guru, in a variety of ways, teaches two things—viveka (conscience) and vairagya (desirelessness). Viveka is the inner faculty which discriminates the true from the false, the abiding from the passing. All that you see with your eyes is a fleeting glimpse of transient things like bubbles on the surface of a lake. Your beautiful clothes, big bungalow, and your friends and parents will pass. Atman, the spirit alone will abide. So strive to reach atman.

And vairagya is non-attachment, desirelessness. It grows with the realisation that desires are a madness which make us move incessantly on the wheel of birth and death. If master desires, you become truly free and only then you enter into the peace that defies description. Not until the cords of desire are snapped, can a man hope to make true spiritual progress. Nag Mahasaya, a mystic from Bengal, says, “It’s like trying to row an anchored boat”. Viveka and vairagya both are gifts of a true guru to his disciple.

Simple steps to practice

Do not seek pleasure

By this I do not mean become an ascetic. But do not objectively seek pleasure—do not desire anything. Accept whatever comes to you. If today’s lunch is not tasty, do not fret, accept it as prasadam from God. If the dress you are given to wear is not pretty as your sister’s, do not feel upset.

What I eat or wear today will not be remembered tomorrow. Sadhu Vaswani often told us that in moments when we feel we are being overpowered by circumstances, it would do us good to whisper to ourselves “This too shall pass.” Life is like a river, it flows on, it cuts through pleasant forests, and sometimes through desert lands. When it passes through cool, green forests, it does not say, “I shall stop here and enjoy.” And when it has to pass through deserts, it does not say, “I will refuse to flow.” So, we must go on always seeking the sea of life—God himself.

Do not hold on to possessions

Cultivate the spirit of what Aldous Huxley calls ‘effective’ poverty [being indifferent to money] as against ‘effective’ poverty [possessing no money]. A man may have no money and yet he may crave for things money can buy. Another man like Raja Janak, may have wealth, yet be detached from the position, possession and power. If you get an impulse to give something away, give it without hesitation.

Once, I was out walking with Sadhu Vaswani, a naked beggar met us on the way. He asked Sadhu Vaswani for his shirt, which he parted with ease. The beggar then demanded his cap, which Sadhu Vaswani gave away too. Until we have learnt to renounce, we cannot grow spiritually.

The great Sufi mystic-poet Jalaluddin Rumi speaks of King Ibrahim whose heart longed to see God. But he was still very attached to his throne. One day, while in his palace, he heard steps on the roof. He looked out of the window and asked, “Who goes there?” The answer came, “We have lost our camels and are searching for them.” In amazement, the king cried out, “What idiot searches for camels on a rooftop?” And the answer came, “O king! We are no worse than you, who, while sitting on a throne, tries to seek union with God.” Nurture the thought that nothing belongs to you, nothing is really yours. If something of value is stolen, learn to say to yourself, as Epictetus said, “I have given it back.”

Claim nothing for yourself

So learn to give without expecting anything in return. Give the love of your heart to all who come to you. If they do not love you in return, let it not put you out. Continue to give the best to others, even though you may get nothing or worst in return.

Ignatius Loyola was the founder of the Society of Jesus, which saved the Catholic Church in the hour of great crisis. He devoted his time and energy to building this great organisation. They asked him once how would he feel if the Pope were to issue an order closing down the Society. This man, who had attained the state of holy ‘indifference’ said, “A quarter of an hour of prayer and I should think no more about it.”

Don’t be over-anxious

Do not be over-anxious about anything, even your spiritual progress. Remember, the Master our Lord, knows what is best for us. If He wishes us to go slow, there must be wisdom in it. To be anxious is to waste a lot of energy which may otherwise be used for good purpose.

Learn to resign yourself to His will. “Thy Will be Done.” Let this be the one prayer of your heart. The Russian arch–priest, Father Pimen, once said, “He is no soldier of Christ who grumbles at his billet.”

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