As Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron says, “No one ever tells us to stop running away from fear. We are very rarely told to move closer, to just be there, to become familiar with fear.” When I once asked Pema how she dealt with her own debilitating chronic fatigue, she said she tried to apply the advice her teacher had given her. “Lean into it. Stay present. Stay curious. Go through it paying meticulous attention as if you wanted to describe it in great detail to someone who’s never heard of it.”

What would happen if we stayed to pay attention?

Most people have heard of post traumatic stress. Yet, beyond the medical community, few are aware of the evidence of post traumatic growth. It may seem paradoxical to even put the words “trauma” and “growth” next to each other in one sentence. And yet, survivors and experts begin to focus increasingly on the possibility that we could use even the most harrowing experiences for a greater good in our own life and to impact the world.

According to psychologist Richard Tedeschi, post traumatic growth’s leading researcher, as many as 90 per cent of survivors report at least one aspect of post traumatic growth, such as a renewed appreciation for life or a deeper connection to their heart’s purpose. This does not happen immediately or easily. We need to actively work towards positive change, and we need the right tools and support in order to transform a bad break into a breakthrough.

When I visited Tedeschi at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte, I learned that he didn’t invent a fancy theory and then try to prove it with studies; it was the other way around. He was consulting with trauma survivors, initially bereaved parents, then people who had lost the loves of their lives or were severely injured, cancer survivors, veterans, and prisoners. Again and again, people shared a perplexing insight: While they were not happy about what had happened to them, they felt they had learned valuable lessons from the experience and these lessons eventually changed their lives for the better. Of course they would prefer to have their loved ones back or their health restored, but they felt that rather than just survive, they thrived. They became better parents, better partners, and more compassionate friends; they discovered a new purpose in life.

The paradox of experiencing trauma

“What is revealed here is the dual nature of trauma: first, its destructive ability to rob victims of their capacity to live and enjoy life. The paradox of trauma is that it has both the power to destroy and the power to transform and resurrect,” writes trauma therapist Peter Levine.

We obviously don’t need suffering to find our calling, but it happens to be where we often discover it. “In brief, people’s sense of themselves, their relationships with others and their philosophy of life changes,” Tedeschi says. “Perhaps one of the most common growth experiences triggered by a major stressor is an increased appreciation of life. But it is important to make clear that not everybody experiences growth, and we are not implying that traumatic events are a good thing,” Richard Tedeschi stresses. “They are not. In the wake of trauma, people become more aware of the futility in life and that unsettles some while it focuses others. This is the paradox of growth: people become more vulnerable, yet stronger.”

Ultimately, it’s a choice you make

It is crucial to distinguish between the event and the outcome. There is nothing positive about trauma itself; we wouldn’t choose it, then or now. Nevertheless, we might be able to reap something beneficial out of the sorrow. The good only comes from what we decide to do with it ― from our struggle that unveils what needs to change in us and in our society, from honing our ability to make meaning out of events that seem senseless, from not trying to rebuild an exact replica of what was lost, but to engineer a stronger, sturdier foundation for our life. A crisis is not a cul-de-sac, but rather a watershed moment. What we do next matters: advance or retreat, take a turn south or north, run or hide, crawl or fly. We can avert our eyes or dig deeper, try harder or grow softer, close down or break open.

Related » Coping with crisis

As civil rights icon Maya Angelou told me when I got to speak to her about her childhood traumas months before her death, “Nothing will work unless you do.” Let’s get to work.

Adapted with permission from Bouncing Forward by Michaela Haas published by Atria/Enliven books

The post Here’s What You Need to Know About Post Traumatic Growth appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

To Begin Your Meditation Practice, Start Where You Are

You might feel that you are the single most stressed-out person on Planet Earth; you might be hopelessly in love; you might have six children and a full-time job; you might be going through a depression or a dark night of the soul. Wherever you are, you can begin there. You don’t need to change a thing in order to start a meditation practice.

When you decide to become a regular practitioner of meditation, it’s wise to settle on a schedule ahead of time. The fruits of meditation are manifold, and you really begin to see them and feel them when you practise regularly. So first and foremost, choose a schedule that is realistic for you—and then keep it. For example, decide what time of the day you are going to practise. Perhaps it works best for you to practise in the early morning, before you have breakfast and get ready for work. Perhaps it works best for you to practise after your kids are in bed at night. Decide when you are going to get into a regular habit of meditation—and commit.

Next, Consider How Long You Will Practice

How long will you sit for? You can sit for 20 minutes or two hours; this is up to you. But set yourself up for success. When you commit to a meditation practice, you don’t want to put yourself in a position where you will easily feel defeated. For beginning meditators, I suggest starting with 20 minutes. Then, after a month or several months of practice, you can lengthen your time by another 20 minutes. If you are a seasoned meditator or if you are returning to a meditation practice, you might commit to an hour a day.

Perhaps you have an hour for your meditation practice, but sitting for more than 20 minutes feels daunting to you. If this is the case, I suggest sitting for 20 minutes, then perhaps taking 10 minutes to slowly walk in a quiet, contemplative fashion, or to practise slow yoga, or to simply stretch, re-energize yourself and give yourself a break through movement. Shifting your focus to something body oriented might help you to sit again for another 20 minutes.

Ideally, the Environment for Meditation Is As Simple As Possible

It is simple in the sense that it does not require a great deal of setup. As you will discover, meditation is about letting the world in and awakening to your life, which means you can even meditate on a bus! But for the purposes of creating a regular practice, find a space in your home that feels sacred or relaxing for you. You might decide to create a little altar, a display of reminders that you feel supports your practice. You might want to place a picture of a teacher whom you connect with on your altar, or a candle, or perhaps some incense.

Then Consider Your Meditation “Seat”

You want to sit in a way that allows you to feel lifted—and this can be done on a cushion or a chair. Some choose to use what is called a gomden, which is a hard, square seat that lifts you up so your knees are below your sacrum. You can also use a zafu, a circular cushion, which is a bit softer and lower. Find the cushion or seat that works for you. If you have a bad back or a lot of knee pain, you can sit in a chair.

Lastly, Find a Timer

This can be a wristwatch, an alarm clock, or anything you can set that will alert you when the time you decided on is up. In meditation halls and on retreats, a gong [or bell] is often used, which is an extraordinarily gorgeous and peaceful sound.

You might practice alone, or you might decide to begin a meditation practice with a partner or a group. If you are a beginning meditator, I often recommend practising with one or more people, because this will provide you with a great deal of support. You’ll find that if you go at it alone, it is much more difficult to keep the schedule. The time-honored way of doing meditation is very often to practise alone, and in that case the commitment and devotion to a schedule can be more difficult, but I’ve found it gets easier as time passes.

Begin Your Meditation Practice With Just 10 Minutes Day

Once a college student who came to me asking for instruction on how to meditate said that he experienced a lot of anxiety. He also had ADD [attention deficit disorder]. This young student was longing for relief from all the stress in his life. He was also concerned about how he was going to integrate meditation into his busy life, with all his studies and obligations. I suggested that he meditate just 10 minutes a day first thing in the morning, before even getting out of bed. I told him he could sit up in bed or on the side of the bed, cross-legged or legs extended, however he felt comfortable.

He came back after one week and said that this had really been helpful. He said that one morning he woke up really early, around 2.30am, and he was having a panic attack because he had so much to do. His instinct was to jump out of bed and get to it, work on his huge list of to-dos. And then he remembered his commitment to start his day with 10 minutes of meditation. So at 2.30 in the morning, he sat up and entered his meditation practice. In that experience, he said everything slowed down, and he was able to look at his wild, intense mind and his energized body.

By being present with himself for those 10 minutes, he had clarity about how to mindfully work through his list and see what needed to be done and in what order. The meditation allowed him to settle down and organize what he needed to do with clarity. It occurred to him that many of the things he felt he had to do actually didn’t need to be done that particular day—and this settledness allowed him to return to sleep and feel much more refreshed when he awoke again at a more reasonable hour.

Related » Tools to facilitate meditation

So perhaps you only have 10 minutes that you can commit to meditation. Just 10 minutes can help you come to your senses or slow down enough that your natural intelligence, or what I call basic goodness—the part of you that knows what the right action at any given time might be—can click in.

This excerpt first appeared in the March 2016 issue of Complete Wellbeing magazine.

The post Pema Chödrön Explains How to Begin Your Meditation Practice appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.