With Alzheimer’s, it becomes emotionally very difficult for family members who are involved in the daily care of the patient. Here are a few tips to help family members manage their dear ones with Alzheimer’s disease:

Avoid generalising the memory loss

Alzheimer’s patients tend to not remember most things, due to which family members or care givers may tend to assume that they remember nothing. Such assumptions can be detrimental in the care of the patient as it further alienates them from the people around them and may set back their treatment and worsen prognosis.

Support them in retrospection and recollection

The ability of Alzheimer’s patients to remember diminishes with age, therefore patients tend to forget recent events more readily. Though they tend to remember cherished memories which are deeply engraved in their minds, talking about the old times helps them in recollecting those memories. Going through family photos, videos or reminiscing about events may help them to jog their memory in a relaxed manner without them feeling pressurised to recall something that they may have forgotten. Allow them to take the lead in a conversation.

Address them by their name

Based on the patient-caregiver relationship, it is important to call the patients by their name. This helps in keeping the relation in perspective and they become more acceptable of the people around them.

Create eye contact and sit at the same level

It is important to make the patient feel that they are being cared for. Eye contact plays a very important role in comforting them and creating a sense of belonging. Maintain eye contact with them. Instead of standing over them, sit at their level, as this helps in reducing the feeling of skepticism they may feel about your actions.

Help them understand

While speaking, keep the pace slow and talk to them in short sentences so they can comprehend better. Alzheimer’s impacts their capability to understand many different things at a time. If introducing a new person, activity or a change in their routine, be extra patient with them as they may have many questions or may take time to comprehend you.

Be patient with them

Many a times Alzheimer’s patients ask questions that can irritate and frustrate family members or caregivers. Therefore, the situation needs to be handled with patience. Talking to them like they are children may not work either. Also, one should not force them to recall anything during conversations as they may feel embarrassed and insulted. From time to time you can have a discussion with them, and get them to agree that they can just ask for answers when they are unable to recall something.

Build involving and consistent experience

It is not easy to involve Alzheimer’s patients in social activities at home. But the patient can be involved with other family members by engaging them through pictures and music. It is advisable not to shift their rooms or living place frequently as they take more time to adjust to the surroundings.

Take safety measures

Use anti-slip mats at home which can be replaced for the safety of the patient. Leave the lights switched on at night as they might lose direction at home or trip while walking. Make sure that the doors are locked to avoid the patient from wandering out. Inform neighbours about the patient’s condition, so that help can be sought quickly in case of an emergency or when the patient is alone at home. Keep the home—or at least the patient’s room—clutter free and devoid of any sharp objects or plastic bags, in order to avoid risk of injury or suffocation.

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About the Bach flower remedies

The Bach flower remedies are ‘energy medicines’ which are used worldwide as an aid to balancing emotions and personality. A survey revealed that over 80 per cent users reported to find this therapy helpful. Though the remedies do not aim to directly cure medical conditions, they help to better the symptoms—physical and mental.

They were discovered in the 1920s and 1930s by a British doctor, Edward Bach, a pioneer of mind-body medicine and the holistic approach to healing. He  quit his orthodox practice,  as he wanted to find a natural and toxin-free system of mitigating symptoms and also attack the root cause of the disease. He believed that certain wild flowers carried vibrations corresponding to different psychological states, and could stimulate feelings of hope, courage, tolerance etc.

The concoctions are prepared by either laying petals soaked in spring water in the sun or by boiling. Later, brandy is added to the fluid which is then diluted to make the alcohol content minimal. The final liquid is stored in ‘stock bottles’ which are later sold at pharmacies and online. People, who are averse to alcohol for personal reasons, can avail of preparations that use glycerin instead.

The remedy is customised to suit the emotional temperament of the individual. They are supposed to be taken orally in a dosage of 4 drops 4 times daily. The stock bottles need to be kept in a cool and dry place and should be used in less than three weeks.

One can have this flower solution along with almost any other medication. The effect of the remedies depends upon the severity of the problem; more serious the illness, longer it takes for the remedies to work. Although they have no toxic side-effects, they do sometimes give rise to ‘healing reactions.’ The best explanation for these reactions is that they are the repressed negative emotions surfacing before being replaced by positive ones. This shows that the medication is working, however if they prolong and hurt, one can stop the dosage till the reactions subside.

Any of the 38 remedies might be suitable for an older person but here are some examples of those commonly used.

Anxiety, worry and fear

In old age people tend to be more worried about their own wellbeing as well as of those around them. They are constantly watching out for bad things that might affect them leading to sleepless nights and loss of health. Mimulus is the remedy for ‘fear of known things’, in other words for anxieties related to understandable causes such as worrying about the wellbeing of a loved one, anticipatory anxiety about a surgery, or not having enough money to pay the bills. In contrast, Aspen is more suitable when fear and apprehension arise for no obvious reason. Sometimes anxiety is being felt on behalf of another person, perhaps a close relative who is sick or in trouble, and in this case Red Chestnut is indicated. Many anxious people experience repetitive worrying thoughts, often keeping them awake at night, and White Chestnut is the remedy for this. When there is extreme anxiety or panic, consider Cherry Plum for the fear of losing control and doing something bizarre, or Rock Rose for terror and nightmares.

Depression, sadness and despair

The hormonal changes that happen in old age can cause emotions to go haywire. This often leads to a gloomy state of mind that can interfere with daily functioning. Gentian benefits those who have been discouraged and disheartened by a setback in life. If there is a longstanding problem such as a chronic illness, and the person has no hope for a better life, Gorse would be useful. For people suffering from despondency and misery, Sweet Chestnut is recommended. And for depression that arises with no cause, like a black cloud, Mustard is suggested. These deep depressive states carry serious risks, including suicide, so patients should seek professional mental health care rather than relying on Bach flower remedies alone.

Adjustment to change and loss

Old people are known to be fixed in their ways of living. So they are not very welcoming about any changes—however big or small they may be. Most of the life changes that old people experience are negative ones, not of their own choosing. The combination Rescue Remedy is suitable for short–term use during any kind of crisis. Walnut is helpful when adjusting to new circumstances, such as having to move into a new accommodation. Losses, such as death of the partner or being diagnosed with a serious illness, are common and Star of Bethlehem is the remedy for shock, bad news and grief. Honeysuckle benefits those who are primarily lost in the past happenings, especially those who are nostalgic about the happier times.

Appropriate use of the Bach flower remedies can promote the positive aspects of old age. More information about them, and about Dr Bach’s own writings, can be found on the Bach Centre website www.bachcentre.com

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Reduced sense of taste and smell

While everyone else is enjoying their meal, you’re the only one asking for a multitude of condiments to be passed. Or you notice that the foods that you’ve always loved don’t excite you anymore. Ageing may reduce your sensitivity to taste, because as you age, the number of taste buds on the tongue decreases. Also, your sense of smell plays a role in how you taste your food. The aroma of the food sends a signal to your taste buds to secrete more saliva. If this is not happening, your mouth produces less saliva and this causes dry mouth, which in turn can affect your sense of taste.

People who experience diminished taste and smell often get depressed, as food no longer has the joy it once held. The most appetising foods seem unappealing; and if you add excessive salt or sugar to compensate for the loss of taste it may wreak havoc with your blood sugar levels and blood pressure too [if you have hypertension]. Loss of taste can also cause a nutrition deficiency as you no longer have the desire to eat. Besides, you become unable to detect if the food has gone bad.

How you can beat it

• Get regular flu shots to keeps respiratory infections away
• Your medication might be altering your sense of taste; have your doctor adjust the dose or substitute it with something else
• Avoid allergens like pet dander, grass, dust and others
• Stopping or reducing smoking can significantly restore your sense of taste
• Instead of adding more salt or sugar, use herbs and natural sweeteners to add more flavour to your food
• Certain foods taste better when they are eaten either hot or cold; have your food warmer or cooler for enhanced taste
• Maintain impeccable oral hygiene and give immediate attention to any dental problems.

Emotional problems

It is fairly common for older people to have emotional problems [which can often be mistaken for dementia]. As people gear up to face retirement, some of them believe that their remaining years will be an unending saga of gloom and doom. They may get upset, melancholic, lonely or bored. Also, as their children move to other cities or the grandchildren get busier with their school and college schedules, seniors may get a feeling of being redundant or may experience the empty nest syndrome.

Depression is worse still for people who are grieving over the loss of a loved one or who have been given a serious medical diagnosis.

How you can beat it

• Stay social; emotional problems can be eased by the support of the people around you. If possible, live close to your family
• Visit friends regularly
• Join a book club or dance class. Many communities have a senior-citizens group, which organises weekly events, classes and other activities for seniors
• Get professional help from a doctor or counsellor if you feel the need

Slow reflexes, reduced alertness and dullness of memory

As we age, we find it difficult to articulate our thoughts and might say “toasted peanuts” when we mean “roasted peanuts”. But if you say “purple curtains” when you really mean “roasted peanuts”, then that is a sign to watch out for, as it can indicate memory decline at best or a stroke at worst.

The recall ability in old age is affected because of the decreased blood flow to the brain. Also our bodies become less efficient at absorbing brain-enhancing nutrients, which leads to changes in cognitive skills. You may notice that you’re dropping things more often while working in the kitchen or that driving has become a problem for you.

How you can beat it

• Challenge your brain with crosswords, Sudoku or other puzzles
• Play games like chess, Jenga, scrabble or others that involve strategy
• Learn a new language, an instrument, driving route or recipe
• Read books, newspapers and magazines
• Work on projects that require you to plan and design them. Quilting, knitting clothes, starting a terrace garden are just a few ideas for you.

Urinary incontinence

This is a fairly common but very embarrassing problem for both men and women. Incontinence can range in severity from passing urine when sneezing, coughing or laughing to getting the urge to urinate so badly that you can’t get to a toilet in time. Most underlying causes are simple and easily treatable.

How you can beat it

• You can learn to re-train your bladder: Make a note of the timings when you urinate and when you leak and see if there’s a pattern. Accordingly you ‘train’ your bladder by emptying it before an incident can occur
• Do Kegel exercises to strengthen your pelvic floor
• Your doctor might prescribe a device called a pessary to reposition the urethra
• Injections, medication and surgery are some of the other ways to rectify this.

Loss of balance/dizziness

Our sense of balance is something that we take for granted. Constant falling is often due to a loss of balance, which is brought about by lack of co-ordination between eye-sight and hearing. Light-headedness, dizziness and a mild to violent spinning sensation [vertigo] are some of the symptoms you need to look out for.

Loss of balance can have a variety of causes: inner ear disorders, central nervous system disorders, low blood sugar, side effects of medication, infection, cardiac problems [including low or high blood pressure], or a poorly balanced diet. If you have difficulty walking or standing on soft or uneven surfaces, it could be the result of age-related, weakened inner ear function. Falling should not be dismissed as just another effect of ageing, but should be looked into as it can be cured.

How you can beat it

• Practise balancing exercises like yoga and T’ai Chi
• Regular walks are also beneficial to maintain balance
• Ensure that the floors of your house are free of clutter
• Put in a good lighting system and fit handrails around the house
• Place anti-skid mats in your bathroom and keep it as dry as possible
• While getting up from a lying down position, avoid doing so with a jerk or with haste.

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Once upon a time in my childhood

If I were to describe my life in a single word, I’d choose the word story. My paternal grandma deserves the rich honour of opening the doors to the realm of imagination and creativity. As I think back to memories of childhood, she is the one who steals the spotlight. I sat besides her on sweltering summer afternoons, feeling the soft wrinkled folds of skin on her arm as I traveled to Lanka and Mithila, Dwaraka and Hastinapura. I flew the blue skies with Hanuman as he brought home the life-restoring herb from Sanjivini to revive a wounded Lakshmana when he fought the demon king, Ravana. I tasted every fruit that Shabari lovingly plucked and bit into in keen anticipation of Lord Rama’s visit.

It was Grandma who fostered in me a deep and abiding love of story—the art of storytelling, story writing and trading people’s stories with mine.

Story shapes our life.
Story gives meaning to our journey.
Story is the container for our destiny.

The wise old art of storytelling

To my pleasant surprise, it was storytelling that saved me as I applied for jobs in a new country, wondering if I’d have to settle for a humdrum desk job doing something just for a paycheck. A part-time position in a senior living community allowed me the bandwidth to create a space for seniors to share their life stories. For sixty minutes every week, a group of octogenarians and nonagenarians take centre stage in my group. As they tell stories of lives lived a long time ago, their faces light up and their eyes shine.

We live in a world where the elderly feel invisible a lot of the time. In our talk-text-and-message world of quick communication, their rambling narratives and measured pace, minuscule attention spans and confused memories have no place.

They find in this space a firm footing, as stories stored in long-term memories unfold, one sentence, one situation, one scene at a time. Stories of growing up dirt-poor during the Depression era; of crouching with pounding hearts in makeshift bomb shelters; of sending their men to war and committing to the war effort themselves; of evenings spent listening to the radio; of after-dinner dessert being nothing more ambitious than a dish of berries or peaches; of their moms labouring to get the perfect Shirley Temple curls, the rage of the time.

These are stories that remain evergreen in their minds—even as they struggle to remember whether they took their post-lunch pill or transferred the wet wash to the dryer.

Something delightful happens in the room when someone forgets a minor detail of the past. When Janice has trouble recalling the brand of butter that most families used back in the day, Virginia helps her out. That starts a discussion on butter churns, which leads to how they washed clothes using an old-fashioned wringer and the smell of sunshine on sheets. Each one helps connect the dots and feel connected to a world they all inhabited, which helps them connect to each other. These connections travel well beyond story time in the group.

For someone like me, a stranger to their culture and their world, it has been like living and breathing history. Now I know concentration camp and World war survivors; I know men who fought in these wars; I know women who raised police officers and fire-fighters. As 12 to 15 people become inspiring, heroic characters in their retellings, I watch history come alive.

It is a rich emotional experience, this sharing of stories. As they tell me tales of jukeboxes and ice cream fountains, I share stories of growing up in India, of customs and rituals that shaped my life, of rural and urban life that harmonise the reality of the haves and have-nots.

How sharing tales help?

This time of shared life stories has multiple benefits that go far beyond the pleasure of community and connection.

Transmit life lessons to the younger generations

80 plus years of living brings with it rich life lessons. Although the world of these seniors was significantly different from the one we inhabit, the themes and threads that run through life are always the same: the desire for happiness, a meaningful vocation, more connected relationships and less stress. Having travelled the path, elders have much wisdom to share on how to navigate life’s rocky terrain.

Mental health benefits

Storytelling is known to improve memory function in seniors. Recall, narration and connecting the dots strengthen areas of the brain which may otherwise atrophy. Added to this is the benefit of emotional nurturing as seniors feel a sense of belonging, coming from a world of challenges and pleasures they all shared.

Social and emotional connections

When seniors move into the community, they often feel displaced from homes and neighbourhoods they have known and loved. My group is a safe way for them to ease the loneliness of the transition as they find and form new friendships with others who are in similar shoes.

Connection to a common world

At a time when they can barely remember where they placed their walker or how to get to a certain room to attend a programme, sharing stories of a world they remember helps them feel rooted. It was a time when they had real roles in life as mothers, wives, teachers and nurses and it strengthens them to be reminded of a purposeful existence.

The opportunity for a life review

In reviewing their lives from today’s perspective, many have had the opportunity to understand mistakes made and choices that led them down roads they may not have chosen to travel. It is a fresh opportunity to revisit some unpleasant stories and give them pleasant endings. Beginnings and endings define the chapter of life. As we sit around a table and tell stories, we have the opportunity to create new beginnings and better endings.

Growing old can be awfully lonely. Storytelling helps seniors know that their life matters and gives you time to spend with your loved ones. These last days will not come again. So by reliving old tales and memories, you can make sure that the seniors don’t waste them by worrying.

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The presentation of illnesses is very different at this age which makes a definite diagnosis difficult. Thus there are more chances that in spite of the best possible attention given by the caregiver, the early signals can be missed and very often attention is given only when there is a crisis. Visits to the doctor at this point become need-based and very often the preventive aspect, nutritional needs and drug review are not addressed due to the urgency of the situation and a lack of time.

The IMPACT of old age

The question arises—how can we attend to the needs of this important and ever increasing population within the framework of our country’s health care system? Let’s see what the parameters are and the challenges that need to be addressed at this age and whether we are doing them right.

To understand and remember this let’s remember the important points as an Acronym “ IMPACT”—Where I stands for Independence, M for Mood, Memory and Mobility, P for Prevention, A for Appetite, C for control over urine and T for treatment including on-going medications.

Independence

The independence of a person is the first thing that is impacted as one grows older. However, it is not necessary that just because you are older, all your faculties will be impacted. There would be some responsibilities such as grooming, washing, bathing and eating that the person would be able to manage but other tasks such as using phones, shopping, travelling, cooking and managing money could become an issue. Assessment of these aspects acts as a reference point for further evaluation and can tell a lot about the physical and mental ability of the individual.

Mood Memory Mobility

• Mood—The older population often experience a low or depressed mood due to loneliness, feelings of worthlessness, troubled relationships at home or some chronic medical condition and pain. Often these aspects are overlooked by the person and the family as well. A careful observation during a consultation can provide invaluable insights with regard to the person’s mood. A well accepted tool called the Geriatric Depression Scale [a questionnaire] helps the clinician to make a decision to offer treatment for depression.
• Memory loss—Dementia is one of the most common and challenging problems of the geriatric population the world over. It is a condition with impairment in cognitive function [memory, reasoning abilities, language skills, forgetting learnt skills like how to eat, dress etc]. This may be accompanied by behavioural changes, personality changes, hallucinations and delusions. The symptoms can be very subtle initially and so they are easily missed. During a visit to a geriatric clinic, clinicians often use a MMSE scale—a 30-point questionnaire which helps a clinician to objectively diagnose and assess the level of dementia.
• Mobility—One of the biggest challenges in the elderly is to prevent a fall. Like children, the elderly population is very prone to falls and since they are more likely to have weak bones, they are at a higher risk of fractures as well as head injuries due to smaller brain mass. Mobility is tested with simple bedside tests like the “Get up and go test”. If an individual suffers from problems related to balance, physiotherapy exercises may be recommended to resolve the problem. The home environment plays an important role in fall prevention. Employ simple measures such as the use of anti-slip flooring in bathrooms and toilets, provide support handles in areas that have steps or a slope, avoid the use of carpets and bathtubs and leave a night light on to minimise the risk of a fall.

Prevention

When you are over the age of 60, prevention is a much better bet. There are two aspects to prevention:

• Annual health check ups which are specific to old age such as blood tests thyroid, sugar, lipid, scan to know the bone strength, mammography and stool tests. These tests are more or less standardised the world over and are based on common geriatric health problems.
• Vaccinations for flu must be taken annually and for pneumonia every five years apart from other vaccinations.

Appetite

With age, appetite may decline but a very rapid weight loss of 5 per cent in 6 months or 10 per cent in 12 months should always be investigated for the presence of an illness.

Control over urine

Often, the control over urine is a common problem with the elderly. In men, this can be due to prostate problems; in women it is due to stress incontinence. It can also occur as a symptom of an illness like pneumonia. A quick discussion during the doctor’s visit regarding this is very important to prevent medical emergencies such as the acute retention of urine.

Treatment

All the drugs that the individual is taking for various illnesses should be reviewed periodically for any possible side effects and  drug-to-drug interaction. Chances of drug side effects are higher at this age even with a normal or low dose, so a careful drug review is of the utmost importance.

To really have a positive IMPACT on the health of the Geriatric population, the most important tool required is time. Sometimes more than one visit to the doctor becomes necessary to address all issues at least in the initial stages. A clinic specially dedicated for the care of the elderly is doubtless as important as any other speciality.

Sir Richard Steele, the great writer, says, “There are so few who can grow old with a good grace”. I strongly feel that modern medicine should help every person to grow old and live with a good grace—that is the challenge awaiting the doctors in India today.

This was first published in the March 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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Nature of friendships changes as you grow older

As we grow older, life events may affect the size of our friendship circles and support networks. Friendship circles undergo the greatest amount of transition during the final third of our lives. Luckily, support network size doesn’t matter. Whether you have just one good friend or one hundred friends, nourishing relationships will positively influence your wellbeing. Smaller friendship circles also yield fewer opportunities for interpersonal conflict.

As we age, we also value more strongly those friends who are similar to us in terms of beliefs, morals and spiritual practices. We prefer to be in the company of those who share our experiences and perspectives. Just knowing that you are a part of a social support network enhances your self-esteem—after all, a sense of belonging, at any age, helps you feel that your life matters and has value.

Whether you have just one good friend or one hundred friends, nourishing relationships will positively influence your wellbeing

Design your own friendscape

The term “friendscape” describes the nature of a person’s friendship connections. In the landscape of our relationships, we consider some relationships to be lifelong or perennial, whereas other relationships seem more seasonal. Older adults typically fall into one of the three categories of friendscapers:

• the independent friend, who doesn’t feel the need for deep relationships and tends toward activity-centred friendships;
• the discerning friend, who invests energy into a small number of high quality relationships; and
• the acquisitive friend, who enjoys and nourishes friendships from years past, but continues to add to her social circle.

Regardless of which type of friendscape you design, the most important aspect is your satisfaction in your social networks. Nurturing social relationships ensures a healthier and more satisfying life, regardless of age. Making room for relationships in our lives is one of the easiest ways to preserve our emotional, cognitive, spiritual and physical wellbeing.

Just knowing that you are a part of a social support network enhances your self-esteem

Tips for finding new friends

• Investigate the resources in your community. Your city or town may have a centre that hosts activities for senior citizens.
• Volunteer for causes that are important to you, whether it’s helping out at a children’s centre, delivering meals to the infirm, or shelving books at the library. You will benefit from interacting with others who have similar interests.
• Attend senior programmes for exercise and fitness at community centres. If you are not yet in shape, these programmes will help you become more active.
• If you are a caregiver for a relative, seek out caregiver support groups. Connecting with others dealing with similar struggles can be an emotional and social lifesaver even if your obligations limit your interactions primarily to telephone or email.
• Get to know your neighbours. Take some time out of your day to interact with them. If they work, ask them what would be a suitable time to visit them at home or for them to come over to your house.
• If you attend religious services, get involved in group meetings or classes.
• Seek out volunteer groups that visit people who are homebound. Either join the group as a volunteer or ask to be put on their visitation list.

Tips for maintaining friendships

• Share confidences with new friends. As you get older and friends move away or pass away, it’s important to develop new relationships in which you can be intimate and honest about yourself and your life.
• If you live alone and you have other friends in the same situation, organise regular group gatherings.
• Find mutually enjoyable activities to do together. Create a book club, visit museums, or take adult education classes together. Stay connected through shared experiences.
• When first connecting with new friends, pay attention to their likes, dislikes and what’s important to them.
• Introduce new friends to current friends so that the community of older adults can be more closely connected.
• Telephone friends instead of waiting for them to call you.
• Learn to use a computer or smartphone to better stay in touch with others.
• Carry a camera with you wherever you go and take pictures of events and friends. It’s a great way to create and cherish memories.

The post The Value of Good Friends Grows As You Grow Old appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Somehow, we believe all we must do is have enough money and everything else will fall into place. We believe that retirement means we will be on a perpetual vacation doing all the things we enjoy with no planning necessary to create a retirement state of mind.

Why retirement requires mental planning too

Recently I spoke to Natasha, a friend of mine, who retired with her husband. They left their jobs, sold their home and moved 2,500 miles to a retirement community, which boasted of restaurants, stores, theatres, golf courses, swimming pools, along with club houses for card games and art classes. There, the couple purchased a new home and relaxed and partied with new friends while they enjoyed the amenities. Then, Natasha confessed, they got bored.

As she related how they got tired of doing the same things every day with the same people, it reminded me of Robert Atchley’s study on the stages of retirement. Atchley, a professor of gerontology, identified six stages of retirement—disillusionment is one of them. To sum up his research, retirement is a major life transition where no matter how much we plan financially, we need to do a better job of planning for the emotional and psychological changes brought about by leaving our work lives behind. Mental health in retirement is just as important, if not more, than financial health.

With advances in nutrition and medical care, it is possible for many people to live another 20 to 30 years in retirement. The idea of 20 years of doing nothing but having fun may sound like, well, fun, but realistically it’s a formula for a boring life. Work provides many things that enhance our lives, such as challenge, structure to our days and, for most people, a social forum as co-workers and customers become friends. While the workplace may be a top source of stress for many people, it should come as no surprise when once we retire we miss the engagement with others at the office. In fact, the stress of our job is often replaced by other forms of stress, and sometimes even depression.

With advances in nutrition and medical care, it is possible for many people to live another 20 to 30 years in retirement

One change at a time

Like Natasha who moved 2,500 miles thinking she was going to retirement utopia, some people find themselves stressed over the choices they made. In her case, she left the retirement community, moved back to her old home town, bought another house in her old neighbourhood and took a part-time job as she realised how much she missed her work life, old friends and the community she’d been part of for 30 years. Moving is stressful at any time in life, whether it’s for a job transfer or for your retirement. And, as with Natasha’s example, when the initial euphoria of retiring is replaced by boredom, there is anxiety over deciding what to do next. Finding new meaning and purpose in life after retirement takes not only thought and introspection, but also a leap of faith.

Things that you need to keep in mind before you retire

1. For retirees, the number one stressor is money. Even if you form a solid financial plan with professional advice, once the pay cheque stops coming in, retirees often feel a tremendous amount of stress. No matter how many financial planners you talk to, there is no guarantee that your money will last your lifetime.
2. Then, there’s the spectre of health issues. We all know we will eventually have health issues, body parts will wear out and we won’t be able to do as much as we once did. Retirement age is often the time when health issues begin to surface. Even people who retire in excellent health find themselves worrying about potential health issues and, yes, the resulting strain on their finances. One way to remove some financial stress is setting up a funeral insurance plan before retirement. Finalizing your end-of-life plans and ensuring they are paid for during your senior planning allows you to remove one financial stressor from your list.
3. Then, there is this seldom-thought-of stressor. Retirees who are married often look forward to finally spending more time together, only to realise that after having spent decades apart all day in the workplace, co-habiting 24×7 is entirely too much time together.

Finding new meaning and purpose in life after retirement takes not only thought and introspection, but also a leap of faith

Steps to make the transition smooth

As you enter this potentially exciting time of life, minimising the stress, finding new purpose and meaning and making a successful transition requires advanced planning. Here are four steps to ensure that you are mentally prepared to make a smooth transition to retirement.

1. The first step is recognising there will be an adjustment period, the same way you have adjusted in the past to other major life events like getting married, having children, changing jobs, moving to a new locale or losing a loved one.  Retirement is also a major life event; once you acknowledge this fact, you will have an easier time adjusting than those who think there will be no ups and downs.
2. Talk to a counsellor, preferably one who specialises in mental health for older adults. Today, there are life coaches who specialise in retirement issues. Seek their advice just as you would a financial counsellor. Your plan for emotional and psychological stability is just as personal as your plan for financial stability. A counsellor can help you focus on what is best for you.
3. Think about the activities you will engage in during your retirement. 20 to 30 years is a long time, long enough for a second career after you’ve had some extended relaxation; long enough to take up and master a new hobby; long enough to make your dent in the universe through volunteer work. This is the time of life to reach for the stars, so become an explorer of yourself.
4. Plan on staying physically active as much as possible and engaging in activities that will keep you engaged with other people. Think about the timing of your exit from work in terms of your hobbies, travel plans and social commitments. If visiting places where it snows is your idea of a great retirement activity, winter is probably the perfect time to retire. But if you are a gardener, planning to start a fruit and vegetable garden in your compound, then you may want to wait for warm weather to arrive before making your exit. And, before you make a major change like selling your house and moving 2,500 miles, remember, by retiring, you are already involved in one major life change. So, try not to do everything at once.

This is the time of life to reach for the stars, so become an explorer of yourself

As human beings, we have an inner need to strive for something greater. That need doesn’t dissolve with retirement. We still look for meaning and purpose in our lives. The idea of spending decades doing the same ordinary business day after day instead of finding our true potential is like a slow death. Whether you are planning your retirement or are already in retirement, if you haven’t already done so, take steps now to ensure a healthy, fulfilling retirement state of mind.

This was first published in the April 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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My father had always been 90 per cent great, but his temper was a doozy. He’d never turned it on me before, but then again I’d never gone against his wishes either. When my mother nearly died from an infection caused by his inability to continue to care for her, I flew from southern California to San Francisco to try to save her life—having no idea that in the process it would nearly cost me my own.

Playing Jekyll and Hyde

I spent three months nursing my mother back to health; while my father said he loved me one minute, he’d get furious over some trivial little thing, call me nasty names and throw me out of the house the next. I was shocked to see him get so upset, even running the washing machine could cause a tizzy, and there was no way to reason with him. It was so heart-wrenching to have my once-adoring father turn so much against me.

Choked!

I immediately took my father to his doctor and was flabbergasted that he could act so darling and sane when he needed to. I could not believe it when the doctor looked at me as if I was the crazy one. Then things got serious. My father had never laid a hand on me my whole life, but one day he nearly choked me to death for adding HBO to his television, even though he had eagerly consented to it just a few days before. Terrified, I called the police and asked them to take my father to the hospital for evaluation. I was so stunned when they released him right away, saying they couldn’t find anything wrong with him.

A year-long ordeal

I was trapped. I couldn’t fly home and leave my mother alone with my father—she’d surely die from his inability to care for her. I couldn’t get healthcare professionals to believe me—my father was always so normal in front of them. I couldn’t get medication to calm him; he refused to take it or flushed it down the toilet. I couldn’t get my father to accept a caregiver. I couldn’t place my mother in a nursing home; he’d just take her out. They both refused Assisted Living and legally I couldn’t force them. I became a prisoner in my parents’ home for nearly a year trying to solve crisis after crisis, crying rivers daily, and infuriated with an unsympathetic medical system that wasn’t helping me appropriately.

What the heck!

You don’t need a doctorate degree to know something is wrong, but you do need the right doctor who can diagnose and treat dementia properly. Finally, I stumbled upon a neurologist who specialised in dementia and performed a battery of blood, neurological, memory tests and scans on my parents. He also reviewed my parents’ medications and ruled out reversible dementias such as a B12 and thyroid deficiency. And then, you should have seen my face drop when he diagnosed Stage One Alzheimer’s in both of my parents—something all other doctors had missed entirely.

Polar opposites

So, what I’d been coping with all these days was the beginning of Alzheimer’s, which begins intermittently and appears to come and go. I didn’t understand that my father was addicted and trapped in his own bad behaviour of a lifetime and his habit of yelling to get his way was coming out over things that were illogical… at times. I also didn’t understand that demented does not mean dumb and that he was still socially adjusted never to show his ‘Hyde’ side to anyone outside the family. Even with the onset of dementia, it was just amazing how he could still be so manipulative and crafty. On the other hand, my mother was as sweet and lovely as she’d always been.

Balancing brain chemistry

I learned that Alzheimer’s makes up 65 per cent of all dementias and there’s no stopping the progression nor is there a cure. However, if identified early there are four FDA approved medications that in most people can slow the symptoms of the disease, keeping a person in the early independent stage longer, delaying full-time supervision and care. More medications are still in clinical trials.

After the neurologist treated the dementia and the depression [often present with dementia] in both parents, he prescribed a small dose of anti-aggression medication for my father, which helped smooth his temper without making him sleep all day. It wasn’t easy to get the dosages right, but at least we didn’t need police intervention any longer. Once my parents’ brain chemistries were better balanced, I was able to optimise nutrition, fluid intake and their medicines with much less resistance.

Finding creative solutions

Finally, I was also able to implement techniques to cope with my parents’ bizarre behaviours. Instead of logic and reason, I used distraction, redirection and reminiscence. Instead of arguing, I agreed, validated frustrated feelings and lived in their realities of the moment. I learned to go with the flow and let the nasty comments roll off. If nothing else, the bribe of ice-cream worked the best to get my father in the shower, even as he swore at me that he’d taken one yesterday.

Then finally, I was able to get my father to accept a caregiver. And with the tremendous benefit of Adult Day Care five days a week for them and a support group for me, everything started to fall into place. It was so wonderful to hear my father say once again, “We love you so much, sweetheart.”

Infuriation to passion

No one discussed with me the possibility of the beginning of dementia in my parents that first year. One out of eight elderly people by the age of 65, and nearly half by the age of 85 get Alzheimer’s. Healthcare professionals need to know the warning signs of Alzheimer’s [see box] and share them with patients to save everyone so much time, money and heartache.

What I had endured, compelled me to give up my career as a television executive to become an advocate for eldercare awareness and reform. Passion to save others from a similar experience [or from getting so frustrated that they commit elder abuse] somehow resulted in my first book, Elder Rage, or Take My Father. Please: How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents. I also launched the ‘Coping with Caregiving’ radio programme to help caregivers.

Now I am grateful for the experience that took me to my knees and nearly destroyed me, as it was also the catalyst that compelled me to a higher purpose, passion and reward than I could have ever imagined.

This was first published in the February 2010 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

Reprinted with permission of the Alzheimer’s Association

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