Ensuring that we know and use the correct body language not only places us in a position of power but also ensures that our colleagues, clients and competition interpret our behaviour correctly.

Sometimes you may verbally say nothing and yet your body language and posture shout another message. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.”

In fact, 93 per cent of a first impression is non-verbal, yet companies put very little emphasis on learning this one important fact.

Reading Someone’s Body Language

There are a number of positions every strong-minded, driven businessman/woman should know. I have broken it down into a simple method for understanding other people’s body language and from there we can perfect our own.

The first question you need to ask yourself when observing another person’s body position is: “Is this person’s body language open or closed?”

This helps you understand immediately if the person is in a positive or a negative mental state. Closed indicates that the person is in a negative mental state; this could indicate that they are sad, insecure, bored, annoyed, not listening etc. A closed body position is when the individual holds himself/herself or crosses arms, legs or objects particularly across the body or chest.

Sometimes you may verbally say nothing and yet your body language and posture shout another message

Whereas an open position indicates that the individual is either relatively confident or comfortable. Alternatively if they are ‘puffing up’, making themselves as big as possible then one may assume that they could be preparing for a fight. The ‘open’ person does not cross their arms, legs or use objects to cover their body. There is simply an uninterrupted line of sight between you and any part on the front of the other person’s body.

Just by being able to ask yourself the question—open or closed?—you can immediately understand almost 50 per cent of their emotional state—that being negative or positive.

Now considering you can read the very basics of how someone feels, it is important to turn the focus to yourself and ensure that you are conveying the correct message.

Below is a list of positive and negative positions and whether they are acceptable in specific situations.

Body Language Specifics: When to Use and When to Avoid

Pointing Directly at Someone

Interpretation—People feel scrutinised, threatened and defensive. If used to reprimand someone, it causes the brain to flood with cortisol, the stress hormone, causing that person’s thinking capabilities to shut down completely

• Correct time to use: when motivating someone directly, telling him/her that they can achieve something
• Incorrect time to use: when calling, reprimanding or talking to someone

Forefinger to Thumb

When gesturing at someone, you may press your forefinger to your thumb with your other fingers extended; with this you will project an authoritative but not aggressive air.

Interpretation—Non-threatening, Authoritative

• Correct time to use: when gesturing towards someone

Fidgeting With Hands, Pen or Object

Interpretation—Nervous, Uncertain

• Correct time to use: never!
• Incorrect time to use: during meetings, negotiations, social events

Steeple Hand Gesture

Interpretation—Authority, Power

• Correct time to use: show authority and power in meeting, negotiation or conference.

Holding Hands in Front of You

Interpretation—Protecting yourself, feeling slightly nervous; Uncomfortable

• Correct time to use: non-threatening situations where assuming a more submissive role may be more beneficial
• Incorrect time to use: when you are expected to stand out and express power and dominance

Holding Hands Behind Your Back

Interpretation—Air of confidence, Superiority

• Correct time to use: when you feel like you need to take the upper hand in a conversation
• Incorrect time to use: when in a social setting and/or attempting to create relationships with potential clients or referrals

Tucking Thumbs Into Pockets

Interpretation—Aggression

• Correct time to use: when in a potentially threatening situation
• Incorrect time to use: when standing casually in conversation with people or when standing on your own

Hands On Hips

This is an extremely powerful and domineering position and therefore should be used sparingly to assert authority and dominance

Interpretation—Extreme power, Dominant

• Correct time to use: expressing your authority and power in a group of people
• Incorrect time to use: when trying to make someone feel comfortable

Crossed Legs/Ankles [Men]

[Seated Position]

Interpretation—Uncertain, Nervous, Protecting yourself

• Correct time to use: when attempting to come across as a guarded, calculated individual
• Incorrect time to use: when trying to assert authority or dominance

Feet Hip-Width Apart On the Ground [Men]

Interpretation—Solid, Grounded, Comfortable, Confident, Open

• Correct time to use: meetings, casual conversation

Crossed Arms

This is a naturally defensive position that we often, assume yet it is one of the most negative positions to stand in.

Interpretation—Uncomfortable, Insecure, Disinterested, Angry, Not listening, Bored, Defensive, Irritated

• Correct time to use: displaying your disagreement in a negotiation
• Incorrect time to use: when socialising or standing in a group of colleagues, meeting people, talking to new people, when feeling nervous

Arms Hanging Loosely At Your Side

[with legs shoulder width apart]

Interpretation—Authoritative, Confident, Powerful, At ease

• Correct time to use: when standing in a professional setting, waiting to meet a powerful person
• Incorrect time to use: when you need to show your dissatisfaction with something

Be in Complete Control

The examples in this article represent a small sample of what body language can be used to infer. Investing time and focus in learning the correct body positioning can significantly improve your professional appearance and the way in which people perceive you. It allows you to understand the emotional state of other people and, in turn, how to approach them accordingly.  People often believe that we are victims of other people’s judgements when in fact we are the masters of their judgement. Learning the appropriate body language can help you ensure that you maintain complete control, authority and a professional appearance at all times.

This was first published in the August 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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Our body speaks its own language: each time you move a hand, or your eyes or even shift your weight you give away what you are thinking at that particular moment. clearly, actions do speak louder than words!

Know your body’s language

Body language is a form of non-verbal communication that involves the use of stylised gestures, postures, and physiologic signs, which act as cues to other people. Hundreds of years of research have concluded that we depend heavily on body language to reach conclusions about a person’s honesty, attitudes and preferences.

In fact, lawyers and judges also make decisions about innocence based on the body language of the accused. Psychologists and therapists rely heavily on their clients’ sitting posture, hand movements and eye contact to gauge what kind of mental disturbance they may be having.

Body language also decides if we like a person or not. According to Dr Albert Mehrabian, world authority on body language: Total Liking = 7 per cent verbal liking + 38 per cent vocal liking + 55 per cent facial liking.

So although you may think you loved a teacher’s class because she taught so well, in all likelihood her words left less impact on you than the animated gestures she used and how well modulated her voice was. Moreover, since it’s tougher to control body language than our words, people choose to rely more on these signals to gauge the feelings involved, especially in difficult situations.

Imagine that your boss takes you aside and gives you a talk about your poor performance. You can choose not to say anything but how could you not send a non-verbal message? Nodding gravely would be a response. So would blushing, avoiding or making direct eye contact, shaking your head affirmatively or negatively.

While you can shut off your linguistic channels of communication by refusing to speak or write, it is virtually impossible to avoid sending signals through your body.

This is why it becomes very important to understand the language that our body speaks and learn effective ways of adjusting non-verbal communication to make it more effective.

Use body language to your advantage

Experts believe that one of the most important precursors to success is how one controls his or her body language. For example, if you have a habit of crossing your arms while talking, people could perceive that as a sign of being rude. Although this may just be a habit with you, most people would unconsciously interpret your gesture as untrustworthy and judge you based on your actions.

Using the right body language sends out positive signals to people you meet. Not only will you be liked and trusted, but this could also hugely boost your relationships, career and even your self-esteem. Research has found that nearly all body language behaviours include one or more of eight primary elements.

Here are some tips on the universally accepted way of using these eight elements.

1. Face: A person’s face communicates emotions clearly. Smiles for instance convey friendliness. You can express warmth and acceptance on your face by thinking positive thoughts; when you think good things, it’s likely to show up in your expression!
2. Eyes: They are the window to your soul. Maintaining eye contact gives an impression of honesty and genuineness; poor eye contact may indicate lack of interest, being untruthful, shyness or a feeling of superiority.What’s good eye contact then? Focus your eyes on the other person, and gently shift your gaze away from their face and then back. Never stare into a person’s eyes or their forehead—it conveys doubt, hostility or insincerity. Avoid blinking frequently as it indicates anxiety and lack of confidence.
3. Gestures: Stroking the chin while listening suggests that the listener is contemplating what is being said. Similarly, nodding conveys interest and understanding. Pointing can have a cultural significance—in the USA, pointing with an extended finger is common; while in Asia, it is considered rude. Handshakes are a universal gesture of greeting.Fidgeting, tapping a pen, drumming on the desk, jingling pocket change, shifting from one foot to the other are all considered negative body language—so avoid them.
4. Postures: Crossing arms and legs are considered defensive gestures, indicating barriers and an attempt to protect oneself. Hands on the hips may suggest superiority. In a face-to-face conversation, always sit at a slight angle and lean forward when speaking. This indicates genuine interest. Avoid slouching, leaning back and stretching your feet in front of you.
5. Tone: We pay more attention to the inflection, pitch and pace of a speaker’s voice rather than the words they use. So keep your voice wide awake, smile when you speak, avoid artificial accents, enunciate clearly and emphasise important words.
6. Movement: Moving toward another person may send a message of dominance or assertiveness, while moving away from another person may send a message of avoidance, submission, or simply bringing the interaction to a close.
7. Touch: This is one of the most powerful elements of body language used for friendship, professional, social, and intimacy purposes. Touch has cultural significance; in Asian cultures a while greeting someone, a touch on the shoulder is adequate, while Americans prefer hugging or kissing.
8. Appearance: Dressing and hygiene says a lot about you and your mood. A few pointers: dress neatly and appropriately; avoid overpowering perfumes and hair oils. Use minimal make-up and jewellery. Clothes need to be ironed, colour co-ordinated and occasion specific.Yet body language is not always reliable. Sitting with your arms crossed is often perceived as a defensive, stand-off posture. But it might simply mean that you are feeling cold!

Don’t jump to conclusions

Body language can have a multitude of meanings depending on several factors, and it is a serious mistake to assume that you can decide the truth in any given case.

A better idea is to look for clusters of behaviour instead of just one action. If someone has their arms crossed and their lips pursed disapprovingly, it’s a fairly safe bet they are on the defensive.

Most body language experts favour the Rule of Four—look for at least four signals suggesting the same thing before totally believing it.

So while some proponents do claim that body language is the key that makes it possible to read a person ‘like a book’, approach that thought with caution! An awareness of body language can certainly boost your understanding of others, but it’s unlikely to transform you into a mind reader.

And finally, remember that your body language is only a reflection of your inner self. If you have a positive attitude, high self-esteem and confidence it will automatically show up as appealing body language!

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