We see that these character traits represent our more primitive, primordial side—that side of our nature whose main purpose was to ensure our physical survival in earlier times. At the same time, we need to understand that some of these same character traits serve a useful purpose and can be the basis for good today. Here are the 10 characteristics:

The 10 primordial human traits

We are all ambitious. We want to advance—be more, do more, have more and better, whether wealth, fame, or respect.

We are all opportunistic. We tend to take advantage of situations to further our own self-interest.

We are all stubborn. We are obstinate; we refuse to listen or comply, preferring to stick with the status quo.

We are all ignorant. We don’t know all there is to know about any one thing in particular or about most things in general, and never will. Hence, each of us lives our life in a huge void of uncertainty. We don’t know who we are, why we’re here, where we came from, or where we’re going. It’s no wonder, then, that we live according to something we are not.

We are all greedy. We have an excessive, even compulsive, desire to have or acquire; we want more than we need or deserve.

We are all lazy. We have a tendency to put in the least effort to get the most results.

We are all fearful. We have a preoccupation, a concern, a feeling of anxiety, apprehension, or agitation, sometimes even terror, relating to danger, evil, or pain, whether imaginary or real.

We are all selfish. We put our own interests first, well ahead of others, to an extent that is neither fair nor right nor moral.

We are all vain. We have and project an excessively high regard for ourselves: our ideas, our opinions, our abilities, our appearance, our possessions, and so on.

We are all vengeful. We want to return an injury for an injury by inflicting punishment and pain on others for what they have done to us.

If you are offended by this list, as some might be, just ask yourself: “Have I ever exhibited this particular quality at least once in my life? Have I ever been ambitious, opportunistic, stubborn, ignorant, greedy, lazy, tearful, selfish, vain, or vengeful at least once?” I already know your answer. Now we both know that each of these qualities is in you [indeed, in varying degrees in everyone], whether you want to admit it or not.

Beyond selfish motives

So how could some of these characteristics serve us and be the basis for good? How could they add to the collective wellness and benefit humankind? Well, you could he ambitious, opportunistic. and stubborn, and use these same characteristics to help others live healthier, longer, and more productive lives. Think of all the medical researchers who have spent years—sometimes their entire careers—to come up with clues for debilitating diseases such as diabetes, tuberculosis, and leprosy. Or inventors—where would our society be today without modern telecommunications and transportation equipment and systems? Whether modern agricultural practices, new medical devices, or new materials, all were developed to serve a very real need (although in some cases, simple greed may have been a motivating factor as well). And characteristics such as ambition, opportunism. and stubbornness will continue to drive people to use their ingenuity, creativity, and innate intelligence to better the human condition.

When other, totally selfish motives are at play, however, you need to ask the question “Why?” Why have you exhibited many or all of these traits at one time or another in your life, albeit some more frequently and more passionately than others? Specifically, what is your personal pain story—your justification or rationalization for acting this way?

May I introduce to you—the ego! The ego’s power and influence over the way you think has been at work since the beginning of human history. Simply stated, it owns you, or at least it thinks it does. And most of us would have to readily agree because we haven’t seriously considered the possibility of something else as the driving force in our life.

For example, you think, feel, and do each day without really understanding the force or forces that are directing all of this; in many cases, you do whatever you do instinctively and just hope for the best. The ego represents an elaborate belief system that is in your genetic makeup, your DNA, that first and foremost has said to you and is still saying today, “Survive! Look out for number one! Nothing is more important than your personal safety, comfort, and welfare!” And survive both you and I did. But how much longer our species will survive in the way it is currently going about it is perhaps the more pressing question.

The ego’s rationale

To know you must survive implies you must be at risk. If you think you are at risk, you come to believe you must compete. [Sure, it’s a struggle, but what choice do you have?] In order to compete, you must be prepared to fight or flee. If you fight, you might lose; if you flee, you might be caught. Fear, then, is one of the main driving forces behind a lot of what you think, feel, and do.

After telling you to survive, the ego then directs you to move up the ladder to the next level and instructs you to:

• seek safety, security, and freedom from fear;
• seek acceptance, friendship, and love by associating and fraternizing with others;
• seek recognition, status, and self-respect; and finally
• prove to yourself and others that you are unique, capable, and worthy of high achievement.

Having gotten you this far, the ego tells you with great fanfare that you have finally “made” it; you are now on top of the world! And it takes full credit for getting you there! This scenario loosely describes Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of human wants and needs as first postulated in his book Motivation and Personality (1954).

Beyond self-actualization

The ego in you is always focused on building up the ego for the ego’s sake (i.e., selfish concern for me) and is totally incapable of considering more altruistic pursuits (i.e., unselfish compassion for others). Its primary goals are twofold: self-aggrandizement and survival. This must be kept top of mind when considering how the ego works. In other words, it is enemy number one (in the sense that it wants to control and direct all your thoughts, feelings, and actions) and must be recognized as such.

Maslow’s ideas are usually depicted as part of a large pyramid with live distinct levels: Physiological needs are at the very bottom, rising to safety needs, social needs, self-esteem needs, and ending with self-actualization needs at the top. Maslow’s theory in this regard is central to helping us understand our basic desires and motives for wanting more in our life. In this regard, the key question we must always ask is: “What is my real motivation for wanting more?” Is it simple self-interest (selfishness) or society’s general welfare (selflessness)? Or can the former also lead to the latter? Hmmm. What do you think as it applies to what you are trying to accomplish in your life?

Later in life, Maslow postulated that his pyramid shouldn’t stop at self-actualization needs at the very top, that in fact there is another key factor he had unwittingly left out. This he called transcendence, meaning the spiritual level that transcends the purely physical world. Maslow’s transcendence level recognizes our natural desire to act morally and ethically with compassion, humility, empathy, kindness, tolerance, benevolence, and generosity. Without taking into account this spiritual or trans-egoic side to our nature, he felt we are simply living as instinct-driven animals or pre-programmed machines.

How the belief in separation arose

An important factor that initially gave credibility and power to the ego, and continues to do so today, is that you were born as a single entity. You discovered that you came in a certain “package” or container, so to speak: a body with finite walls that were made of soft, delicate skin. You arrived in this body very much separate from everything and everyone else. Quite quickly—in fact instantly—you also found yourself all alone. This, at a time when you were the youngest, weakest and most vulnerable, is a very scary realization indeed!

But it gets even worse. Your actual physicality—your physical form—allows you to use only physical sensors to perceive what you see as only a physical world. Now, as you look out and observe all that is going on around you, your separateness is confirmed: Yes, you are separate; yes, you are alone; yes, you are at risk; yes, you must compete; yes, you must fight; and yes, there is good reason to be afraid. (Yes, those train tracks do come together somewhere off in the distance!) We are all wired—7 billion-plus people—to think this way; we are all driven instinctively to want more and more out of life, and eventually get to the so-called “top.” Knowing this, should it be any surprise that there are so many problems in the world?

The ego evolved as a necessary survival mechanism for individual human beings during the long and arduous course of human history. And it did its job very well, at least for those of us who are here today. The irony is that now it has become more of a death wish. As such, we must find ways to overcome or transcend it, not just tame it or try to control it, as it now clearly threatens both our individual and collective selves.

As we humans develop more and more efficient and innovative ways of killing each other [i.e., IEDs, cluster bombs, and unmanned, missile carrying aerial drones], and more and more invasive ways of degrading, indeed raping, the planet [i.e., open-pit mining, clear-cutting forests, and bottom-trawling the ocean floor], there is an urgency today that has never been greater in history. Whether we are able to change our ways. to rise above our destructive nature, only time will tell. Many think it is already too late.

Our true nature

We have previously described the 10 character traits that are a product of the ego, or are at least closely connected to it. In contrast, consider other traits that are beyond the ego, in fact unknown to the ego, examples of what we will call supreme virtue. They are prime examples of our true Nature. It may be that we don’t see them on display in the world as often as we would like but when we do, we usually take special notice of them. [Here, the late Nelson Mandela comes to mind.] These traits or qualities go by such names as honor, respect, compassion, empathy, humility, honesty, truthfulness, virtue, courage, industriousness, justice, righteousness, fairness, generosity, service, responsibility, forgiveness, mercy, and unconditional love.

This list is by no means complete but it’s a good beginning. Let’s see what each of them means.

10 traits of supreme virtue

1. Honor: A keen sense of right and wrong; adherence to actions and principles that are considered right.
2. Respect: To feel or show honor or esteem for others; consider or treat others with deference or courtesy.
3. Compassion: To feel sorrow or deep sympathy for the troubles or suffering of others, with an urge to help.
4. Empathy: The projection of one’s own personality into the personality of another in order to understand him better; intellectual identification of oneself with another.
5. Humility: The state or quality of being humble of mind or spirit; absence of pride or self-assertion.
6. Honesty: Refraining from lying, cheating, or stealing; being truthful, trustworthy, and upright.
7. Truthfulness: Sincerity, genuineness, honesty; the quality of being in accordance with experience, facts, or reality.
8. Virtue: General moral excellence; right action, and thinking; goodness of character.
9. Courage: The ability to face anything recognized as dangerous, difficult, or painful; quality of being fearless or brave.
10. Industriousness: The putting forth of earnest, steady effort; hardworking; diligent.

We now see how you can live authentically, meaning in a genuine and real way as opposed to a false and hypocritical way. You need only manifest the divine essence that is within you. To live authentically is to live in agreement with fact or actuality, in a manner that is consistent with who and what you are. When you are authentic, and only when you are authentic, can you be useful to a higher cause; in other words, play this game called life with much more insight, much more skill, and much more passion. This involves love: love of self, love of others, and love for all things, both animate and inanimate.

The only alternative is to stay trapped into trying to prove to the world that you are a “somebody,” indeed a special somebody. The irony is that you don’t even know who this somebody is that you are pretending to be. It’s like every day is Halloween and you don a different costume that you think best suits the occasion: “Hey, do you like me like this? No? Then how about this? Or this? Or this? Please, like some version or variation of me!”

Hypocrite means:

1. an actor, one who plays a part;
2. a pretender; an imposter;
3. a person who pretends to be what he is not;
4. one who pretends to be better than he really is or pious, virtuous, etc., without really being so.

Are you living a lie?

When you live thinking you are a human being having an occasional spiritual experience, (for example, adopting virtuous behavior only when it suits you and the circumstances), you have to ask yourself, “Am I really what I pretend to be?” In other words, is being spiritual only a part-time job?” At a deep, subconscious level, you know you are not; you are living falsely, dishonestly, and inconsistently. In fact, you are living a lie.

Yes, a lie that you have been led to believe by authority figures, caretakers and well-wishers of all kinds who constantly told you to do this but do not do that; believe this but do not believe that; act like this but do not act like that; go to this church but do not go to that church; enjoy doing this but do not enjoy doing that, etc. And you have never seriously questioned all of their dictates. These people, after all, were much older and wiser than you, and supposedly had your best interests in mind; shouldn’t they know?

All professional actors live a lie when they perform on a stage and take on the persona of someone they are not. And it is an extremely difficult and stressful undertaking, to which most would readily attest. Now consider spending all of your waking moment pretending you are someone you know you are not. This results in a serious case of cognitive dissonance: You are aware there is a disconnect. You say to yourself, “I don’t like this game; I’m not very good at playing this game; I don’t want to continue playing this game.” You show your displeasure by resorting to the usual primitive behaviors that result from disappointment, frustration, and anger: you lash out, you criticize, and you complain. Yes, you demonstrate all the usual mean-mindedness, even invectiveness, that is indicative of the fact that you are not happy.

Happiness isn’t a by-product

Everyday happiness is defined as having, showing, or causing a feeling of great pleasure, contentment, joy, or gratification. And for many, to be happy is the primary purpose of life. But real, authentic happiness is not fleeting, nor is it something that can be had indirectly. Rather it is the result of a deep knowing that comes from being and doing what is in accordance with who and what you are. It’s when you are in a state of continuous validation of your very essence, living as your true Self.

In other words, authentic happiness is not a by-product of something else. You cannot buy it, steal it, eat it, drink it, or touch it as an entity in its own right as many thieves, con artists, fast food addicts, alcoholics, drug addicts, and sex addicts would have you believe. It can be had only directly, with no strings attached. Happiness is an energy and a force, and not a result of anything physical in the world. You can never hope to put your hands around it, caress it and say, “Wow! Look: I finally have this thing called happiness.”

Here is a keen observation by popular American singer and comedian Margaret Young (1891–1969): “Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the exact reverse: You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.”

Consider these words by Lama Surya Das in his book Awakening the Buddha Within (1997) about how to move beyond your first impulse, the ego: “As you walk the inner path of awakening, recognize that it is most definitely a heroic journey. You must be prepared to make sacrifices, and yes, you must be prepared to change. Just as a caterpillar must shed its familiar cocoon in order to become a butterfly and fly, you must be willing to change and shed the hard armor of self-centered egotism. As compelling as the inner journey is, it can be difficult because it brings you face to face with reality. It brings you face-to-face with who you really are.”

The post How ego thwarts your authentic happiness appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Happiness, like so many things in life, is subjective. No two people will give the same response to this question: “How do you define happiness?”

We are all unique, and you will create your own meaning of happiness and of bliss. You may even rediscover and recreate your definitions of both throughout your life, perhaps even as you read this.

The multiplicity of happiness lies in the subtle experience of the word itself. On the one hand, the word conjures feelings of joy, visual images of gleeful smiles, or contented moments of idyllic bliss on a tropical beach. Whatever happiness feels like for you, it fills you up inside. Everyone wants to be happy.

On the other hand, striving to be happy sees most people trying to change everything and everyone around them, dictated by some deep-seated belief that it is an external experience. The oversight of happiness seekers is not realising that it is a state of being rather than an external experience. When people realise that they need to look within, and connect to themselves, happiness becomes a much more challenging concept and an even more challenging experience to find.

My role here is not to tell you what happiness is. My role is to help you rediscover it for yourself. However, just as I’m sure you have, I have experienced it in so many forms. Yet no matter the variation, the result was always the same for me: fleeting.

» Storybook happiness

We frequently compare ourselves and our lives to others. We strive to have the storybook-perfect life we perceive some others as having. Because they appear happy, we believe they are happy and make all kinds of wild assumptions as to the reasons for their happiness. We believe they must have found the key, that they must have all the right happiness ingredients. We want their “happily ever after”, so we seek to emulate what they have. Sadly, we believe that whatever they have is better than our own lives.

This stems from not truly accepting who you are. When you don’t love and cherish yourself, it is easy to compare yourself, often less than kindly, with someone else’s life. You may perceive others to be more beautiful or successful than you, to have more thoughtful partners than you, or to have nicer homes than you. Sometimes you may go a step further, comparing yourself to people you don’t even know, like the airbrushed gorgeous celebrity on the front of your favourite magazine or even fictional characters in television shows.

We judge all these people based on what we see—without any true insight into their lives. If what we see mirrors our perception of happiness, often we will go to extreme lengths to create our storybook happiness.

» Surprise happiness

Happiness has been defined as an emotional state characterised by feelings of enjoyment, pleasure, and satisfaction. Enjoyment, pleasure, and satisfaction … In my view, these are all the result of doing something—cause and effect, if you like. Depending on who we are with, what we are doing, and how we are feeling [the cause], we can dip in and out of the effect of happiness on a daily or even an hourly basis. It’s almost as if happiness is a surprise we are looking for and even trying to make happen, but we never quite know when it will appear.

We can all think of moments or events that have made us happy and put smiles on our faces. Perhaps for you, it came from receiving unexpected flowers from your husband, hearing a sincere and heartfelt thank you from a colleague, or even enjoying the simple pleasure of a sunny day. It might even be the way you feel when you buy something new or receive a gift. Perhaps you even base how loved you feel in a relationship on the number and size of loving gestures and gifts. Or you try to create surprise happiness for others by lavishing them with gifts rather than seeing that the best gift is your time and unconditional love.

The feelings of happiness associated with these things may last a while, but eventually the feelings fade and we wait for the next moment to be happy because of something or someone. It is no wonder that although we strive for more and more, we’re constantly left feeling unfulfilled.

» Surrogate happiness

Surrogate happiness comes in three forms: when you base your happiness on someone else’s expectations of how your life should be lived, when you put all your energy into making someone else happy because you believe that will make you happy, and when you expect someone else to make you happy through his behaviour and actions.

Happiness by expectation: Too many people are living lives that are not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them. Foremost, our parents shape us. Sometimes we are so desperate for their approval and love that we live our lives the way we believe they think we should. What our friends, colleagues, and even the media think is best for us also influences us. Sometimes we are so busy pleasing people that we give away ownership of our lives. We ignore our inner voices and let others’ opinions divert us from our paths. Now is the time to give up living your life according to other people’s expectations.

Happiness by sacrifice: For many of us, it is easier to give love than to receive love. Some people ignore their own needs, preferring to focus all their energy on making someone else happy.

Sometimes this is shaped by our upbringing. In my own life, I have been used to putting others before myself since an early age. The eldest of four children, I was a second mum to my youngest sister before I had reached the age of 10. She would choose to come to me with her problems, climb into my bed for reassurance if she had a nightmare, and confide her fears and dreams to me. I love my two sisters and my brother dearly, but being the responsible-before-my-time older sister shaped my belief that my role in life was to nurture others and put their needs before my own. That continued well into adulthood. I believed my role and my happiness stemmed from making others happy.

The truth is that you can’t make anyone else happy. Others are in charge of choosing to be happy all by themselves. Of course, we are here to love, nurture, and care for and share our lives with other people, but not to the point of sacrificing our own needs to meet theirs.

There is a lot of literature around about the benefits of doing good for others… and how doing so makes you feel happy. Indeed, a compassionate and generous heart is a wonderful gift. But the happiness that comes from doing good for others will only be fleeting unless you first bestow yourself with gentle compassion.

Happiness by delegation: You can no more make another person happy than that person can make you happy. True happiness comes from within. When you delegate your responsibility for your own happiness to someone else, you unfairly tip the scales in your life. You unwittingly create a situation where neither of you will be happy because of the expectation of being made to feel happy. Often we look to our partners in our relationships to make us happy, as if it is their job. Yet we become more and more miserable when they don’t live up to our expectations of making us happy, particularly if we believe that we are experts at doing it for them. Other people enrich our lives, they support us, they treasure us, and they love us. But happiness is your choice. No one can create it for you.

If you are searching for happiness in an external source or from another person, you hide your true self. You forget what makes you happy, what you want, what you need. Eventually, you no longer remember who you are, and soul sadness is inevitable.

you can no more make another person happy than that person can make you happy. True happiness comes from within

» Someday happiness

Someday happiness is having a happiness plan. It’s when we plan to be happy . . . someday, when all the stars in our lives come into alignment and create a cosmic burst of happiness. A happiness plan is believing that happiness is all about having the right ingredients in one’s life. Much like following the recipe for your favourite cake, when you have all the right ingredients, the oven turned to just the right temperature, the perfect baking time, and a beautiful platter to serve it on to someone special in your life, that’s when happiness will be created. Of course, this is all at such a deep subconscious level that we don’t really ever realise we even have a happiness plan. But most of us are putting off happiness, telling ourselves we’ll be happy when we are mortgage-free, happy when we lose five kilos, or happy when we take a well-deserved holiday. We’re putting off happiness today, tomorrow, and even next week or next year, until our storybook lives are perfect, rather than focusing on being happy now.

» Soul happiness

Can you remember the last time you were deeply, blissfully happy, when you were so happy that you felt you were beaming with joy… so happy that you felt lovingly content with yourself… so happy that you wanted to break into song… so happy that everywhere you looked, everything and everyone had a golden glow… so happy that you felt indescribably beyond happy? For a moment, hold that feeling of deep, blissful happiness in your heart. Imagine if you could feel that way for more than just a day, a week, or even a month or a year. Imagine if you could feel deep, blissful happiness all the time. When you do, that is what I call enduring bliss.

For me, enduring bliss is feelings of pure, unburdened joy. It is when you connect so strongly to your light and your happiness within that it becomes an infinite source of joy in your life. In some ways, enduring bliss is impossible to truly define. It is beyond happiness.

Happiness transforms from fleeting to enduring the moment you really embrace and love the brilliance of you. I believe that happiness and a life with purpose are intrinsically linked. I also believe there is a difference between happiness and enduring bliss. We often settle for fleeting happiness without realising that we have the power to move beyond happiness to enduring bliss. Enduring bliss is part of who we are. Enduring bliss comes from happiness of the soul rather than happiness of the mind.

Soul happiness is a trinity within; I believe we can’t truly be happy in a lifelong way unless we love ourselves, honour ourselves, and authentically live our soul purpose.

We are limiting happiness because we are limiting love. By loving yourself unconditionally, you give your true self a stage. When you love yourself, your spirit shines. You have purpose. You have peace of heart. You move from doing things you think you have to do to be happy, to finding joy and abundance in doing what you love. You change your vibration from one of seeking, striving, and pursuing to one of peaceful contentment.

Happiness of the soul is when we become love and when we become happiness. That is enduring bliss. Soul happiness transforms our daily experience of fleeting happiness into lifelong enduring bliss.

The happiness plan

Let’s explore in more depth the concepts of storybook and someday happiness; both of which are the stuff our happiness plans are made of.

In developed countries around the world, we have never had more ability to make our own decisions and discoveries. Right now we can be, do, and have more than at any other time throughout history. Fuelled by society, consumerism, and lavish access to material things, we push ourselves harder and harder to achieve our visions of perfect happiness. We strive for our storybook dream lives where we get to have and do everything our hearts desire. We tell ourselves that we’ll be happy, someday, when we “get there”.

But in the process of focusing on creating the wealth and success that we think will make us happy, we have lost sight of who we really are. The more we focus on creating happiness, the more we forget that happiness is already within us. The more disconnected we become from our true selves, the more unhappy and discontent we become. The search for happiness is causing us to feel empty, to feel as if there must be something more. We feel as though because we haven’t found it yet, we need to search higher and wider. The search becomes more intense as we focus on doing and having more and more. We begin questioning and searching for what we really want in life.

It’s curious how we can go from a time of knowing that we are perfect, whole, and complete to striving to create happiness—but only when we have all the right ingredients in our dream lives. Our subconscious beliefs, fleeting thoughts about things we want or need, and even our obsession with controlling every minute detail of our lives shape our happiness plans. Your beliefs behind storybook and someday happiness combine to create the ingredients in your happiness plan.

Your happiness plan may look a little like this:

• I’ll be happy when I get a pay rise at work . . . maybe this year.
• I’ll be happy when I finish my degree . . . three years.
• I’ll be happy when my partner proposes to me . . . who knows.
• I’ll be happy when I have a baby . . . in the five-year plan.
• I’ll be happy when my friends are more thoughtful . . . who knows.
• I’ll be happy when I live in my dream house . . . in the ten-year plan.
• I’ll be happy when I go on holiday . . . six months.
• I’ll be happy when the weather improves . . . who knows.
• I’ll be happy when my kids do well in school . . . who knows.
• I’ll be happy when . . .

We strive so hard to have all the right ingredients in our perfect, happy lives. Most of these ingredients won’t come to fruition today or tomorrow, some won’t for years, and many we have no control over. And we wonder why we can’t quite touch enduring bliss. We may create fleeting moments of feeling good, satisfied, or rewarded, even fleeting moments of happiness. But mostly these feelings always go away, leaving us feeling anxious about cramming as many things into our time as we can, focusing on the next thing we want to have or do or achieve. We feel confused, empty, and as if we’re still searching for something. What we are searching for is enduring bliss.

The guilt and fear of happiness

Some people choose to feel guilty about being happy! They are stifling their enduring bliss because they don’t want to appear too happy. I like to think that you can be so happy that when others look at you, they become happy too!

But it is difficult to be surrounded by people who may not be on quite the same vibe as us—people who may have an unhappiness habit and are constantly complaining about the many people, situations, and events that cause them to be unhappy, sad, and depressed. Happiness really is a choice. When they choose to see such things as triggers for unhappiness, they will be.

We stifle our happiness because we fear how it will make people feel. The best way you can show these people that no one can make you unhappy and nothing can make you miserable unless you let it, is to be the positive, happy you.

People have a fear of happiness. Consider how often we say or hear these types of things: “It’s too good to be true,” “It’ll never last,” and “I’m just waiting for something to go wrong.” We literally are creating a state of unhappiness for ourselves because we think we can’t possibly be that happy. It’s as if complete happiness has become so unattainable—in our own minds—that we are looking for reasons why we can’t have it or expecting it will be taken from us.

It’s as if happiness is a gift bestowed on us if we are really good . . . and which can be taken away just as quickly as it was given. Some people have an attitude of “If I expect the worst, then when it happens, I won’t be upset, because I knew it was going to happen anyway.” It’s no wonder we feel so miserable.

Then there are some who feel guilty about being happy because of larger global issues. There is so much poverty, suffering, and hurt in the world that it can affect us, if we let it. When there is world happiness, there will be a world full of peace, love, and abundance for all.

I believe that rediscovering your happiness within is vital for lifting the happiness vibration of the entire planet. I believe that world happiness starts with you. Feeling guilty about radiating your positive energy regardless of what is happening in your world serves no one, least of all you. The stronger and more radiant you are, and the more in tune you are with your true self, your true purpose, and happiness within, the more you can serve as a positive influence on the world.

Even happy people feel unhappy sometimes

The worst thing to be thinking right now is that unhappiness is a bad thing. Even happy people experience unhappiness sometimes, and it’s OK.

Just because you choose to make happiness your way of being doesn’t mean you won’t ever experience unhappiness. Everyone has low days, everyone faces challenges, and everyone experiences loss or trauma in some measure.

Unhappiness is sometimes an inevitable part of the school of life. When you connect to your light within and know that happiness dwells within you, you are better able to handle the times when your mind draws unhappiness to your attention. You are better able to see unhappiness for what it is, to understand where it has come from, and to move through it more easily.

It’s not about being happy all the time; it’s about being happy by choice.

Unhappiness causes the most discomfort when you try to resist it. If you take the role of observer and accept that everything that happens in your life happens to teach you, then you can transition more quickly back from your ego state of unhappiness to your soul state of happiness.

Rediscover you

The greatest lesson and purpose in your life is rediscovering you, recognising that you are the single defining factor in your own happiness, allowing yourself to give and receive love and to simply be.

If we are born pure, in touch with our true selves, our souls’ essences, and our happiness within, then it is the layers of life, wrapped around us over time, moulded by experiences, and shaped by beliefs, that create our feelings of emptiness, of searching, of feeling as if there must be something more. In essence, we are trying to remember what we already know, what is already a part of us. We are trying to remember where we put the key to the place where we have safely hidden our precious jewel of happiness. Really, we spend most of our lives trying to remember where we hid ourselves.

By now, you may be able to see some patterns or occasions where you are preventing your own happiness, usually not by choice but by virtue of years and years of conditioning about what you have to do to create a happy life. In effect, without realising it, you are sabotaging your own efforts at happiness.

If you feel as if your ego is ruling your life and choosing unhappiness over happiness with monotonous regularity, it’s time to start recognising when, why, and how this is happening.

It’s about now that you may be thinking, This sounds lovely, but it all seems too hard and unattainable, and I’ve got too much going on right now. I’ll come back to this when I have time.

So pause and consider that now is your time.

Give yourself permission to be completely open, uncensored, and deeply honest with yourself, for it will change your life. There are times to let things happen, and there are times to make things happen. Choose to make your life beautiful now.

The post The path to lasting happiness, through self-love appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

The mind-body link

Examples of this connection are all around us. We see a rat and show signs of fear as our pulse races and sweat breaks out on our skin; we think about losing a significant other, and our blood pressure increases; we watch someone vomit, and we feel nauseous ourselves. While we easily see evidence of the connection, it’s not well understood.

We [my colleagues/students and I] conducted several studies that question the prevailing view of physical limits. They were all driven by the simple idea of the power of our minds.

We see ourselves as having a mind and a body that is separate from it. So when the body ails, it typically doesn’t occur to us to seek the solution in our thoughts. And when it does occur to us, dramatic changes take place.

Clock back

In 1979, my students and I devised a study—which we would later come to call the “Counterclockwise” study. In this study, we took elderly men to a timeless retreat for a week with the intention of turning the clock back. Could men in their 80s feel as good as they did in their 60s? We decided to find out.

We selected participants, divided them into two groups of eight—an experimental group and a control group.

The men from the experimental group were to live for a week as if it were 20 years earlier. Twice a day, they would have group discussions about the past; see movies and television shows from that era; and engage in quiz show sorts of entertainment. All the while they would be having their discussions in the present tense as though the event was happening right now. Thus, for them it ‘was’ the past.

For the men in the comparison group [control group] the task was to reminisce about the past and thus all discussions were in the past tense. Their minds were in the present looking back at the past.

We had noted down many measures before we began the study and repeated them at the end of the week. The results were dramatic.

Young again

Hearing and memory of men in both groups had improved. They gained an average of three pounds each and their grip was significantly stronger—indicating improved motor skills. We found that on many of the measures, the participants had become ‘younger’.

The experimental group showed greater improvement on joint flexibility, finger length [their arthritis diminished and they were able to straighten their fingers more], and manual dexterity. On intelligence tests, 63 per cent of the men in the experimental group had improved their scores, compared to only 44 per cent men from the control group. There were also improvements on height, weight, gait, and posture.

Finally, we asked people unaware of the study’s purpose to compare photos of the participants taken at the end of the week to those submitted at the beginning of the study. These objective observers judged that all of the experimental participants looked noticeably younger at the end of the study.

We can change our physical health by changing our minds

Perspective tweak

In another investigation, we looked at the exercise and mind connection. This time, our participants were chambermaids—women for whom work is like a good exercise. But because the Surgeon General defined exercise as something we do outside of work—since so many are at desks all day long—these women actually saw themselves as not getting any exercise.

How healthy were they? Since they are getting so much exercise and exercise is so good for one’s health, we’d expect them to be healthy. Actually, they weren’t.

We divided them into two groups and explained to one of the groups that their work gave them enough exercise. “In fact”, we told them, “you’re getting more exercise than the surgeon general recommends.” They were shown how various tasks they did were equalled working on different machines at the gym. A month later, we asked them many questions: were they exercising outside of work now? Were they working harder? Were they eating more or differently? They answered in the negative to all the questions, which means things were the same as before.

The only difference was that now they saw their work itself as exercise. So we took their measures and found that they had lost weight; had reduced their body mass, waist to hip ratio and blood pressure. All of this happened because they changed their mindset.

Mind-sight

We ran several other studies but to give just one more illustration of the hidden power of the mind, consider our work on vision. We had found in the Counterclockwise study that vision improved over time because of changes in the mind. So we wanted to see if such improvement could arise more immediately.

To do this, we made use of the standard eye chart, which each one of us has seen in our doctor’s office. The standard eye chart has letters arranged so that they get progressively smaller as we read down the chart. This implicitly creates the expectation that soon we will not be able to see. We were curious about what would happen if we changed our minds so that the expectation was that soon we would be able to see. To accomplish this, we created another eye chart. This one had the letters getting progressively larger as we read down the chart. Now as we read down the chart and the letters are getting larger and larger, we come to expect that soon we will be able to see.

And what we found matched these expectations—people could now see what they couldn’t see before!

In another version of this, we took advantage of the expectation that about two-thirds of the way down the standard eye chart, people expect not to be able to see. Here, we started the new chart around a third of the way down—thus with smaller letters—so that even if people expect not to be able to see two-thirds of the way down the chart, the letters are actually much smaller than usual.

Again, people were able to see what they originally couldn’t see.

Attention on illness

When we are ill in almost any way, most parts of our bodies are still working well. But by paying attention to ourselves, as if we are our illnesses, we feel more helpless than we need to. Thinking we are our diseases is more of a problem than meets the eye.

It is not just that we avoid situations that might be good for us [e.g. avoiding people because we’re depressed] or over-assimilate any aches to that illness that could be caused by other things [e.g. mistaking aches from a bad mattress for arthritis]. But we fail to realise that health is more than just the absence of illness.

Folly of mindless acceptance

When someone has a chronic illness, they do not have the symptoms all the time. In fact, there isn’t even a definition of the word ‘chronic’. So, do we have to have the symptoms every day, once a week, once a month for that diagnosis? It’s not a small issue, because if we’re told our disorder is chronic v/s acute, we often become helpless. People who have asthma, for example, don’t need their inhalers most of the day. What is happening when they are symptom-free?

The dyslexic reads most words without difficulty; the person with ADHD [Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder] has no trouble paying attention to most tasks; the individual with memory problems is remembering most things correctly. Even the person who thinks s/he is always depressed is not really depressed all the time. By accepting our diagnoses as chronic, we simply don’t look for the times we are without symptoms, and those are the times we’re back in control.

Controlling the uncontrollable

If we mindlessly accept a condition as chronic, we presume that it is uncontrollable and ever-present. But if it is really ‘uncontrollable’, then wouldn’t we be foolish to try and control it? On the other hand, if we recognised that the ‘facts’ about ‘chronic’ ailments were only probabilities—sometimes true and sometimes not—we might be inclined to examine when we have the problem and when we don’t.

Once we do this, we can begin to find ways to control the so-called uncontrollable.

Let me explain. If I found that I only have symptoms when I’m with Sam and never when I’m with Brett, then the answer would be to either stop seeing Sam or make my interactions with him more like they are with Brett.

That is, noticing the variability in our symptoms, rather than mindlessly presuming they are always there, suggests things we might do to help ourselves. The same is true for any disorder.

Being more aware

When we accept that we can’t do something, we rarely try. When the world around us fosters this illusion of stability, it’s that much less likely that we will think to heal ourselves or even become better than we’ve ever been. Someone may object to my optimism and say that if people believe they can control all or part of their illnesses with their minds, won’t that get them in trouble if they can’t find the way. I don’t think so.

In research, we’ve conducted over so many years, we’ve found that being mindful by actively noticing new things results in positive health outcomes.

In fact, when we instruct elderly adults to be more mindful, they actually live longer. Therefore, attention to variability—mindful noticing—will improve our health, even if we don’t come up with the specific solution to the problem at hand.

Being mindful by actively noticing new things results in positive health outcomes

Tuning into health

Mindful health is not about how we should eat right, exercise, or follow medical recommendations. Nor is it about abandoning these things. It is neither about New Age medicine nor traditional understandings of illness.

It is about the need to free ourselves from constricting mindsets and the limits they place on our health and well-being, and to appreciate the importance of becoming the guardians of our own health. Learning how to change requires understanding how we go astray.

The magic lies in being aware of the ways we mindlessly react to social and cultural cues.

Attending to the world doesn’t mean that we need to become hypervigilant. Our attention naturally goes to what is different and out of balance. If we allow it, we will begin to notice small signals without consciously searching or paying any particular attention to them. But first we need to open our minds to possibility [see box for more on this].

Opening up to wellbeing

Improved vision, a younger appearance, weight loss, and increased longevity are just four of the many experimental results that are a consequence of making these subtle changes. They are proof that with only subtle shifts in our thinking, our language, and in our expectations, we can begin to change the ingrained behaviours that sap health, optimism and vitality from our lives.

So open your mind and take back what is rightfully, sensibly, and importantly yours—health, wellbeing and happiness.

Ellen Langer discusses Mindful Health and the Power of Possibility in detail in her book, Counterclockwise by Belantine Books; ISBN 978-0-345-50204-9.

The post The mind body connection appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

—Amanda Hamilton

Our bodies have evolved over millions of years to cope with a whole host of threats; yet, our recent history has changed the landscape of our lives completely. Billions of kilos of man-made chemicals make their way into the eco-system of the planet 24 hours a day, which means that the average man and woman are absorbing a multitude of chemicals, every day.

Until 150 years ago, these chemicals did not exist, but now they are found in food, drugs [both social and medical], water, air, cosmetics, the soil, and household goods.

If you are like the majority of people I see in my clinics or on my detox retreats, your body could be struggling with a range of basic functions such as digestion, immunity and weight control that can be traced back to a lifestyle that is continually putting your body under toxic stress. Your skin, too, is a reflection of your internal health, so if it is not glowing, then it’s time to take action.

» People and problems

The majority of people will fall into one of the following two categories:

Type 1

You eat according to healthy guidelines most of the time, you go to the gym or take regular exercise. Basically, you do most things ‘right’ according to what you have read and watched on television, and yet you don’t look or feel amazing.

It could be an irritating problem that just won’t go away: perhaps a few pounds that just won’t shift, or skin that suffers from outbreaks of spots or rashes every now and then. It could be any niggling issue—it does not mean that you are ill, but that you have not yet reached your full, healthy potential.

Type 2

You are suffering from a 21st-century condition that, no matter what medication you have taken or advice you have followed, just won’t go away. By 21st-century condition, I mean that the symptoms you are experiencing, are lifestyle related.

Here’s a short list of the most common problems: Irritable Bowel Syndrome [IBS] or other digestive complaints; weight gain; Candida [thrush]; fungal infections; cystitis; headaches; mood swings; fatigue; allergies; hormone imbalances; infertility or recurring miscarriages; chronic fatigue; high blood pressure; Type II diabetes or hypoglycaemia [low blood sugar]; skin problems; high cholesterol; emotional eating; stress; addictions [to sugar, caffeine, nicotine, alcohol]; insomnia; and painful joints.

» Detox, not diet is the answer

A toxic body will be sluggish, prone to cellulite and often seems to retain excess weight no matter how little you eat. The chemicals in processed foods are now known to interfere with hormones that are vital for weight control, the link between ‘diet’ sodas and long term weight gain is a good example of this.

If you consume a lot of processed foods, chances are your body is also too acidic. This doesn’t mean you are suffering from heartburn [although that is also possible], but rather that the delicate pH balance of the blood is out of sync, leaving you more prone to developing disease. This toxic state is well-known within the wisdom of ayurveda. Of course, ayurveda has always preached a balanced approach to eating. When I lived in India, I devoured local cuisine across many regions—the flavours, density and texture ‘hits’ of a typical freshly cooked Indian meal so far beyond the bland or over-sweet nature of processed foods. However, even with the wisdom of Indian cuisine, the body can become toxic due to environmental exposure.

Detox need not mean going without some of your familiar or favourite foods

» The inside-out solution

The real solution is to help our body from inside-out. Your main fat burning organ is the liver. If you have a diet high in chemicals, or indeed are exposed to excess chemicals in other ways [for example medication, drugs, pollution] then you need to detox your liver for long-term weight loss and increased energy. Detox need not mean going without some of your familiar or favourite foods. In fact, many people find detox to be the easiest ‘diet’ they have ever been on. My approach is to combine a nutritional plan with a specialist supplement programme. However, there is much that can be done within the home.

This is a two-week home detox plan that helps to make improvements in the body’s internal biochemistry so that your body works better and you feel and look better too.

» Rejuvenate detox, week 1

The body needs to cleanse first before it can absorb the benefits of good nutrition. There are two steps needed to guide you body through a successful detox—hydration and diet. To ensure that you get the most out of the programme, stock up on healthy foods before the fortnight begins, or identify restaurants where it is easy to eat out healthy, rather than falling into the trap of half-hearted attempts at shopping for fast food when you are tired or hungry.

In the first week, you are focusing on the break down of fat and toxins and for this process, you need to hydrate the body. Dehydration is not just a hangover problem, a huge number of us suffer from chronic low energy, constipation and fluid retention that can be directly related to a dehydrated body. Is it any wonder we don’t feel like getting out of bed sometimes? There are two stages to re-hydrating the body. The first, and most obvious, is to drink a minimum of 1.5 – 2.0 litres of water every day, You will need more, if you exercise. Secondly, you should cut out diuretic drinks such as coffee, tea, cola, and alcohol.

Your detox day starts with a glass of warm or hot water with a slice of lemon. This is an ideal way to help your body cleanse before you even start eating. For the rest of the day, it’s all about ingredients. This is not a calorie-counting diet. A detox works by sorting the body out on the inside although the effects show remarkably well on the outside. Weight loss, improvement in skin, better digestion, improved sleeps patterns and energy levels are just a few of the benefits you will see.

Look at the Table. For the first week, 70 – 80 per cent of your diet should be in the Dos column, rather than those listed in the Don’ts column. The diet suits a saatvik vegetarian India diet very well. Remember, you are trying to change the pH of your body from too acidic to alkaline. This is not about obsessively weighing portion sizes, eat more slowly and enjoy savouring the food. Getting in tune with your natural appetite is essential for long term healthy eating.

Note: This is not a long-term diet, but a temporary measure for detox purposes only.

A word of warning about a detox. During the early stages of the seven day plan, you may well feel the ‘cold turkey’ effects of coming off the food and drinks that have propped up the festive period. Caffeine, alcohol and sugar are the worst offenders and cravings or feelings of fatigue are common—it is simply a sign that the body is losing its dependence on the artificial high and is getting back to being well again. Stick with it and by the end of the first week, you will begin to feel like a different person.

» Rejuvenate detox, week 2

This second stage of detox is focusing on boosting and re-balancing the body by continuing with a nutrition plan and introducing exercise at a rate suitable to your level of fitness—aim for a minimum of three half hour workouts in the week. In addition to the well-known mental and physical benefits of exercise, working out boosts the functioning of the lymphatic system, one of the ways the body removes toxic waste.

By now you should have tried out new foods, re-hydrated the body and you should be starting to feel more energetic. Sleep patterns should be normalising and your overall wellbeing should be improving. Weight loss on a detox plan can be dramatic because of the improvement in the body’s underlying biochemistry. Health problems such as water retention can really start to shift. You need to keep up the hydration of the body by drinking 1.5 – 2 litres of water every day. Coffee, tea, cola and alcohol should still be cut out of the diet.

Rebuilding the body with good nutrition requires quality proteins. Proteins are made of amino acids, the building blocks of the body. Most people associate protein with meat, and yes, good quality meat is good for you. Cheap, mass-produced meat can contain alarming quantities of fat, not to mention the chemicals in the meat itself so it is better to spend a bit more on the type of meat and eat it less often. You should alternate your meat intake with more vegetable proteins. Aim to include a serving of protein at lunchtime and dinnertime, but no more than one portion of meat per day. This will force you to be more creative with food and can open up a whole new set of tastes to be enjoyed!

Look at the Table. For the second week of the detox, your diet should still be 70 – 80 per cent in the Dos column, rather than in the Don’ts column. However, you should now consume more protein, a fist sized serving at two meals per day.

By the end of the two-week period, you should have achieved real change in the body. A detox works on all levels, physical, mental and emotional and it can be a real time of personal change, if you put your heart into it. Writing a diary to keep a track of your progress is often a good way to make the most of the process.

Detox has never been just a marketing slogan; it is a way to nourish your body so you can live life to the fullest. Give it a try and your body will thank you!

Vacuum-clean your mind

—Sandy Newbigging

Do you get stressed easily? Do you have low self-confidence? Do you feel that you just have to look at a bar of chocolate to wear it on your hips? These are all examples of toxic conclusions that can prevent you creating and enjoying the body and life you want.

Although your mind, like your body, is incredible, it can, nevertheless, become toxic. The average person has as many as 100,000 thoughts every day. Some of these thoughts pass through your mind with little or no impact upon your body or life. The rest fall into two categories: thoughts that help you and thoughts that hinder you.

The ratio between these positive and negative [toxic] thoughts depends largely upon the beliefs you’ve come to during your life. These are beliefs you’ve made about who you are and what you can and cannot be, do and have, and also conclusions about other people and the world you live in.

» Freely flowing emotions

Emotions can become toxic, too. Emotions are in effect, ‘energy in motion’ within your body. They are designed to flow around your body without obstruction. However, it is possible for them to become stuck in your system. Negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, guilt, hurt and grief, are the most common emotions to become stuck, because most people resist feeling them. These stuck emotions are energy that has become stagnant in your system. If emotions remain stagnant, over time they may become toxic. By clearing them, you can reduce the toxic load on your mind and body.

» Mind detox benefits

If you’re carrying around a truckload of toxic thoughts about who you are, what you can’t be, or what you can’t do or have, you will severely limit your enjoyment in life and your success. Also, if you’re holding onto a lifetime [or more!] of unresolved negative emotions, you can experience dis-ease within your body and mind.

By detoxifying your mind, you can:

• Let go of negative emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, guilt and grief.
• Stop bad habits and change conclusions that corrode your life enjoyment and success.
• Reduce stress and feel calm, confident and content in any situation.
• Resolve conflict with your family, friends and colleagues.
• Enhance mental clarity and creativity for massively improved results.
• Easily create the results you want in your personal and business life.

» The conscious and unconscious mind

Tune into your mind for a moment by noticing your thoughts. The ones you can ‘hear’ have made their way up to your conscious awareness. They exist in what’s called your conscious mind. However, there is also a level of your mind that operates below the surface of consciousness, and you are unconscious of this during your day-to-day life. Your unconscious mind performs many remarkable tasks without you having to be aware of them. It helps you make sense of life events, stores your memories, heals your body, creates your emotions and drives your habits and behaviours.

Knowing how your unconscious mind works is the equivalent of getting your hands on the user manual for your body and life! You are able to clear your ‘emotional baggage’, improve your mental alertness, live without stress and anxiety more easily, become like a magnet to your goals and more.

Case Study: Alex from ‘Spa of Embarrassing Illnesses’ TV programme [As seen in 30 countries around the world]

When I met Alex, he worked as a Royal Marine. His body was the example of the perfect male specimen. He could run for miles, ate only the best foods and looked after his body extremely well. However, he had an embarrassing illness that was ruining his life. He suffered from hyperhydrosis, a condition that meant he sweated profusely, drenching the clothes he wore and the sheets he slept upon. He had always to take a change of clothes everywhere he went and even had to sleep on a towel. Despite him being successful at anything he turned his hand to, the condition was making him feel like a failure. It had an impact on all areas of his life. His time out with his friends was constantly overshadowed by his condition. He was even planning to leave his job because he was up for promotion but felt he couldn’t attend the formal events due to his excessive sweating.

He had tried everything, including an operation, which had only made the condition worse. Then he did a Mind Detox. During our time together, he became aware that for many years, he had been carrying around a massive amount of anxiety about what people thought of him. He would worry all the time and feel nervous anytime the spotlight was on him. The mind detox exercises helped him to stop worrying about what other people thought of him. As a result, he became more comfortable in his own skin. On day five of the retreat, after suffering from hyperhydrosis for many years, he finally stopped sweating heavily—and to this date, has successfully been able to control it.

Alex is not an isolated case. We have repeatedly found through our work at our clinics and international retreats that people’s physical conditions often improve when they deal with their unresolved emotional issues. These blocked emotions can become toxic and play a role in creating dis-ease within the person’s body, and illustrate that if you want to change your body or your life, cleansing your mind is as important as any physical clearout.

Your mind has the power to influence the size, shape, look, feel and overall health of your body and life

» Our mind affects our body

The mind-body connection has been known for centuries, but it is only in recent years that scientists have been able to prove that our thoughts and feelings affect our body. When we speak to ourselves, the 50-70 trillion cells that make up our body hear and respond accordingly. Our body has an influence on our mind and, equally, our mind affects our body. And it does so seamlessly and subtly, every moment of every day. Mind detox works because it takes into account that our mind, body and lifestyle all influence each other.

Your mind has the power to influence the size, shape, look, feel and overall health of your body and life. When you think and feel positive, your body responds by creating positive physical conditions. However, the opposite also happens when you think and feel negatively. It is for this reason that taking account of your mental and emotional wellness is vital when making changes to any physical conditions.

» Mental problems, physical manifestations

Our unconscious mind is linked with our Autonomic Nervous System [ANS], which regulates our heartbeat, blood pressure, digestion, metabolism, along with many more bodily functions. Due to this connection, whatever our mind believes, perceives and experiences has the potential of getting sent to the rest of our body causing physical responses.

Another way our mind impacts our body is through our emotions. Neuropeptides [often referred to as “molecules of emotion”] are released into the bloodstream, which in turn affects the functions of our entire body by communicating with our individual cells.

Immediate mind-body connection responses include getting a red face when embarrassed, your mouth watering when you think of a food you love or experiencing butterflies in your stomach when you’re anxious about something. But the impacts of the mind-body connection don’t stop there.

» Beliefs become biology

Your beliefs are the conclusions you’ve come to about yourself [including your body], other people and world you live in. Your beliefs exist in your unconscious mind, automatically guiding you through your day-to-day life. They help you to make sense of and respond to the events and environments you encounter. Most of your beliefs are formed in your mind by age 6, which is incredible, considering how much they can impact your body for the rest of your life!

The mind directs the body

Your beliefs determine what messages are sent between your brain and your body. Amazingly, it has been found that your beliefs have the power to influence every aspect of your physical functioning, including digestion, immune system, blood pressure and even your DNA. In a very real way, your beliefs become your biology.

How beliefs affect our system

One study found that after just five minutes of ‘caring and compassionate’ thoughts, volunteers’ immune systems had risen significantly, taking five hours to return to the levels they were before the experiment. Furthermore, the same study found that thoughts of ‘anger and frustration’ reduced the levels of the volunteers’ immune systems for the same period. Again, the impact of your mind doesn’t stop there!

In another scientific study, patients were given morphine for serious pain for three days and on the fourth day, the morphine was secretly swapped for a simple saltwater solution. However, despite not receiving any morphine whatsoever, the patients experienced the same levels of pain relief as they had during the previous three days. The patient’s belief alone had stopped the pain.

There have also been well-documented cases of multiple-personality individuals whereby one of the occupying personalities believed s/he had perfect eye sight and required no glasses and the other believed that s/he could not see properly and was nearly blind without artificial correction. In such cases, the personality in dominance at any given time determined how well the person’s physical eyes work. The same has also been true in other cases where one personality is seriously allergic to oranges, whereby the other personality can drink orange juice without any adverse physical affects.

Without a memory you would never recognise anything and you would have to re-learn everything from scratch all the time

How beliefs shape our body

Apparent miracles like these are possible because our body is designed to follow the orders given to it by our brain. In fact, the individual cells that make up our body [all 50 – 70 trillion of them] are highly intelligent and are able to adjust themselves to the environment in which they exist. Our brain interprets the external environment based upon our beliefs, and then tells our individual cells what adjustments they need to make in order to best survive in the environment.

The implications of this are massive when it comes to you taking charge of the shape and weight of your body. If you want to change your body, you need to discover and change the beliefs that are causing your body to be its current size. For instance, if you believe you cannot lose weight easily, then your brain will order your body to store weight. Or if you believe thin people get ill easier, then your mind, which is designed to preserve your body, will do everything in its power to keep you healthier by carrying extra weight.

How beliefs impact stress

One of the key ways that your beliefs impact your body is through stress. It has been suggested that 90 per cent of all diseases are caused by stress and 100 per cent of all stress is caused by ‘bad’ beliefs. This is because our beliefs impact the way we perceive and respond physically and emotionally to everything that happens in our life.

Have you ever noticed how when the exact same event happens to two different people—giving a presentation or missing a flight—one person gets very stressed over it, whilst the other takes it in his stride? The fundamental difference between the two people is simply their beliefs.

» Body and stress

As human beings we have an internal safety response mechanism often referred to as the ‘fight/flight’ response to help us survive threatening [i.e. stressful] situations. The flight/flight response [also known as ‘survival mode’] is taken care of in the body by the HPA axis, which works like this: The amygdale [in the brain] stores emotional memory and when triggered, sends a signal to the hypothalamus [located just above the brain step]. Through a series of hormonal messages between the hypothalamus, pituitary and adrenals, there is a release of adrenaline and cortisol into the bloodstream.

» The unconscious manager

What if you could let go of a lifetime of negative beliefs and stress in only a few minutes? Such a claim is possible due to the way the unconscious mind works. Without a memory, we would never recognise anything and we would have to re-learn everything from scratch all the time. Thank goodness that our unconscious mind is in charge of our memory and works tirelessly behind the scenes to help us recognise people, places, events and things we encounter during our day-to-day life. Our unconscious mind helps us do this by constantly asking, “Where have I seen this before?” and then searching our entire mind for similar memories. It stores our memories by linking similar memories together. One of the ways it does this is by linking memories with similar emotions together [using the law of association]. Angry memories are linked with other angry memories or sad memories are linked with other sad memories and so on.

If you have negative emotions associated with past events, then you will access these old unresolved emotions when faced with similar events today. This is why when you hear a particular song it might remind you of a particular person, place or event and before you know it you can be taking a jaunt down memory lane. This is also why it can be so emotionally difficult after a break-up if you’ve been many places and done many things with that special someone. Everywhere you look can end up reminding you of the very person you’re trying to forget!

Emotionally connected memories can lead to you experiencing inappropriately high levels of emotional response to the events happening in your life today and, as a natural consequence, cause unnecessary stress and suffering for your body-mind.

» The emotional domino effect

The great news is that because your memories are tied together with emotions, you can benefit from what I call the ‘emotional domino effect’. By clearing the emotion associated with the earliest memory, you can clear the emotions from all associated memories in your mind too. This way you can clear a huge amount of emotional baggage, in a very short amount of time!

The post Mind-Body Detoxification appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Simply accept that this is how things are for now, but don’t deny the truth of the situation. Never pretend to enjoy a job you hate. Never pretend to be happy in an unfulfilling relationship. Never pretend that your finances are strong when they’re really weak. If you want your situation to improve, you must first come clean with yourself and admit the whole truth.

Accept your realities

When you fully accept reality, you’ll begin making better decisions because they’ll be based on truth instead of fiction. If you admit that your body is terribly out of shape, you’ll stop pretending that you’re in good health. You’ll stop subscribing to the delusion that your poor eating habits and lack of exercise are acceptable to you. You’ll begin to see that you’ve got to start making different decisions if you want your situation to change—it isn’t going to happen on its own. Once you fully surrender to what is, you can finally begin to create what you want.

Be self-aware

Become aware of your strengths, weaknesses, talents, knowledge, biases, attachments, desires, emotions, instincts, habits, and state of mind. As human beings, we’re often filled with conflicting desires. One part of us wants to be healthy, happy, and highly conscious. Another part wants nothing more than to eat, sleep, have sex, and be lazy. Without the presence of consciousness, we fall into reflexive patterns by default, living more like unconscious animals than fully sentient human beings.

Recognise that your level of awareness doesn’t remain constant. Sometimes pure logic dominates your thinking; other times you’re overwhelmed with emotional concerns. Sometimes you feel incredibly spiritual; other times you’re worried about your finances. Sometimes you eat for good health and energy; other times you satisfy yourself with all the processed junk you can devour.

When you make decisions from a certain state of mind and act upon them, you reinforce that same state, thereby increasing the likelihood that you’ll respond similarly in the future. For example, if you act out of anger, you’ll strengthen your mind’s anger response. If you act out of kindness, you’ll reinforce a kind response. Any given level of awareness has a tendency to perpetuate itself, so you’ll likely find yourself cycling through the same ones repeatedly.

A significant part of personal development involves working to release your attachment to the lower states as you draw yourself into higher consciousness on a more consistent basis. On a practical level, this means letting go of addictions, negative emotions, and fear-based behaviours and replacing them with consciously chosen, principle-centred actions. And in order to successfully change your behaviours, you must first develop an awareness of your thoughts.

Build your awareness

A good way to build your awareness is to make your important decisions from the most reasonable thinking you can muster. The best point to make new choices is when you feel alert, clearheaded, and intelligent. That’s the time to consider making big transformations in your life such as a career change, a relationship change, or moving to a new city. Learn to trust those higher states of consciousness. Put the decisions in writing and fully commit yourself to them.

When you inevitably sink back down to lower states and lose sight of that higher perspective, continue to act on those decisions even though you may no longer feel as committed to them. Over time, your external circumstances will change in ways that reinforce those higher states. Living consciously gets easier with practice.

Learn to trust your choice

One time when I was in a state of very high awareness, I made the decision to switch careers from computer-game development to personal development. That was a stretch for me, especially since my games business was doing well. However, I felt good about the decision, and I knew it was correct. A few weeks later, I was still bogged down working on the games business with no end in sight. As I slipped into a lower level of awareness, I began to second-guess my determination to switch careers. I had to remind myself that I’d made the choice from a high level of awareness; and it was a sound, intelligent decision. This helped me let go of my resistance and trust the original choice I’d made.

My decisions may not be perfect, but when I use this process, I can at least trust that I made them correctly and from a place of truth.

When you consistently make key decisions from a high level of awareness, they will become more congruent. You’ll avoid getting stuck in that state of ambivalence where you keep shifting back and forth between alternatives and can’t make up your mind.

Connect with what’s important to you

Every day you’re compelled to make connection decisions. By your actions you decide what to link up with and what to avoid. Will you talk to your spouse or connect with the television? Will you take your next vacation at a favourite spot or go someplace new this time? Will you bond with a pet or go to a party? Whenever you choose to make one connection, you simultaneously choose not to connect with all of the other possibilities.

If you want to grow consciously, you must deliberately decide which connections you’ll strengthen and which you’ll allow to weaken. Such choices ultimately determine the shape of your life. In the long run, your life becomes a reflection of what you choose to connect with most often.

Connect with yourself first

In order to learn and grow, you must have the freedom to connect with what you want and to disconnect from what you don’t want. No one can give you that freedom. It’s your birthright as a human being. You don’t need anyone’s permission to decide which connections are best for you. It’s up to you to take the initiative to connect with what you want and to disconnect from what you don’t want.

If you have trouble connecting with people on the outside, it may be because you aren’t communing with yourself on the inside. When you learn how to feel lovingly connected on the inside, you’ll find it much easier to forge a bond with others.

The good news is that when you understand that all relationships are internal, you can consciously change how you represent them to yourself and thereby change their outward manifestation as well. If you feel disconnected with your true self, you can expect your interpersonal relationships to suffer from disconnection as well. If you want your human relationships to be more loving and accepting, you must learn to love and accept more aspects of yourself.

Loving yourself unconditionally is the result of a conscious choice. You’re free to make this choice in every moment of the day. You don’t need to fulfil any conditions or satisfy any rules. But in order to make this choice consciously, you must get to know yourself. No matter what hidden qualities you discover, you’re still worthy of love.

Learn to take responsibility

Power is your ability to consciously and deliberately create the world around you. When your power is weak, you can’t effectively satisfy your needs and desires, and you become a victim of your environment. When your power is strong, you successfully cultivate a life of your own choosing, and your environment reflects it. It’s impossible to build your power until you accept total responsibility for your life. It’s certainly possible to give up control, but final accountability always rests with you.

You can’t duck or dodge that, no matter how hard you try. If your body is out of shape, you’re the one who’s out of breath after climbing the stairs. If your credit cards are maxed out, you’re the one who must deal with the debt. If you don’t like your job, you’re the one who must suffer through your work each day.

Your experience is unquestionably your own. I can discuss your life with you, I can empathise with your situation, and I can do my best to help you. But afterwards I can go home to my own life and leave yours behind. You never have that luxury.

If you try to deny or escape the burden of responsibility, it will only come back to haunt you later. You can let yourself go and slack off in your career, eat lots of junk food, and yell at your family, but the mess you create will be yours to experience. The sooner you recognise that total responsibility is inescapable, the better off you’ll be.

Wield power effectively

Self determination means that you’re completely free to decide what you want. You don’t need anyone’s permission or approval. Your choices are yours to make and can never be dictated by others. You need never justify what you want. You want what you want, and that is enough.

In order to wield power effectively, you must accept full responsibility for your life and be willing to make decisions under all circumstances. This includes ambiguous, challenging, and risky situations.

There’s no rule that says you have to be right. The only rule is that no matter what happens, you’re responsible. Since you can’t escape full responsibility, you might as well consciously participate in the decision-making process, so you can have at least some say in determining the outcome.

Make real choices

When you face important crossroads in life, exercise your power to decide consciously. Offer up a definitive yes or no. Don’t succumb to the blind default of silent approval. To align yourself with power, you must make real choices.

Life is constantly asking: What do you want? You have the freedom to answer that question however you wish. Aligning yourself with truth and love will help you evaluate the possibilities, but there are no compulsory right or wrong answers. There’s only your freedom to choose. Will you answer with silence, or will you exercise your power of conscious choice?

You must break through the haze of social conditioning that says your life must obey a set of rules dictated by others. You’re under no such obligation. Your only real constraints are your decisions and their consequences. You’re a free and independent being. How you decide to use that freedom is up to you.

Lead your self

There’s only one true authority in your life, and it’s you. You make the decisions. You take the actions. If you’re looking to some external authority figure, leader, or guru to tell you how to live your life, you’re looking in the wrong place. That leader is you. Whether you feel ready or not, you’re in command.

Despite what you may have been conditioned to believe, there’s no higher authority in this life than you—not your parents, your boss, or your favourite supreme being. If you think anyone else has authority over you, it’s only because you yield your authority by choice. Sometimes the consequences of not doing so are so severe that you may feel as if you have no choice, but in truth you always do. Even when threatened with suffering or death, you remain the commander of your own life. Some of your choices may be extremely limited, but they’re always yours to make.

True command doesn’t imply the unbridled exercise of power. An intelligent commander does not bark random orders and expect them to be blindly obeyed. Command must be rooted in truth and based on an accurate assessment of the situation. You’re the one who perceives your reality, and you must decide how to act [or not act] based on your perceptions. How you deal with that information is up to you, and life awaits your orders. You may feel well prepared, or you may feel unready, but the burden of command is yours no matter what.

Don’t be a blind follower

I was raised to believe that God—specifically, the Catholic version of God—was the ultimate authority in my life. My entire existence was a blessing bestowed by God, and my assigned role was to satisfy His expectations for how I should live. I was told I had free will; however, I’d eventually be rewarded by God if I exercised my will one way and punished if I exercised it a different way. At age 17, I finally recognised I was being coerced to participate instead of being offered a truly free choice, so I left. I concluded that it was best for me to make my own decisions instead of having them dictated by those who claimed to have a direct connection to the source of ultimate authority. I was willing to live with the consequences if I was incorrect.

Let me clarify that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with living in a way that you feel honours your Divine Creator, but this choice must be made freely and consciously. No honour is found in blind obedience. For better or worse, you’ve been granted free will, so you must always bear the burden of decision. If you fall prey to the belief that some authoritarian God might punish you for exercising your free will, recognise that such a belief cannot possibly serve you, and resolve to let it go. It makes no sense for someone to give you a gift and then punish you for opening it. Learn to make your own conscious choices, independent of what you think God or anyone else expects from you. If you weren’t ready for your own command, you would never have been granted free will.

Enjoy commanding your life

If you fail to claim authority over your own life, someone else will surely claim it for you. Many people allow their spouse, parents, or boss to practically run their lives. This practice drops you into a lower state of consciousness. You become increasingly helpless as you distance yourself from your true nature. You are meant to be free.
Look around you and notice the results you’re currently getting. Life is simply obeying your commands. If you want different results, you must issue different orders. You’re the only one qualified to make these decisions. No one else can fill the role of commander of your life but you.

Excerpted with permission from Personal Development for Smart People: The Conscious Pursuit of Personal Growth by Steve Pavlina, Hay House, ISBN: 978-1-4019-2275-7.

The post Free to choose appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Neurotic beliefs

As children we acquire our values, beliefs and attitudes from significant adults in our lives, especially from parents. And often parents sell these beliefs as a form of control, with the good intention of saving the child from some harm. Too often, however, the opposite happens. These faulty values and beliefs make us uptight, afraid of criticism and rejection, overanxious about approval and disapproval, prone to feelings of guilt, and obsessed with polar opposites such as ‘success’ and ‘failure’. If these beliefs are the guiding principles of our life, we will continue to feel like failures, no matter what Herculean efforts we take to pursue and apply them. Such mistaken beliefs can make just about anyone neurotic.

Some neurotic beliefs sold by families are:

• You should make sure that you please others and they like and approve of you.
• You should feel guilty if you do your own thing and it upsets others.
• You must be perfect at all times.
• You are inferior, if you make mistakes.
• If you are different, there must be something wrong with you.
• You must be loved and respected by everybody.
• People should be condemned for their misdeeds.

This need of approval from families is the main cause of turning absolutely normal people into neurotics

Two cases in point

Jayant was the only son of an authoritarian father and a submissive mother. He grew up hearing the mother constantly harp on how much she had to tolerate her husband’s idiosyncrasies. She said she was in the marriage only because of Jayant, who, she claimed, was her only hope. The young child grew up to be an adult plagued with guilt feelings and an excessive need to please the mother. After his marriage, Jayant was estranged from his wife because of his need to please his mother at all times. He felt he had to make up for the ‘sacrifices’ his mother had made for him. With his father, Jayant had a relationship of fear and hatred as his father was a monster, according to his mother. He felt helpless against his father, who held the purse strings. So, Jayant was always in an inner conflict, torn between his inner convictions and desires on the one hand, and on the other, the unreasonable guilt and anxiety arising from his actions that would displease his mother. A rising conflict level with his wife brought him to us for counselling.

In counselling, Jayant learned to acknowledge that the dysfunctions of his family led to the neurotic anxiety, unnecessary guilt and uncontrollable anger in him. He also understood the dynamics in his family and that he had a choice to consciously disengage from his past.

Sudhir’s father was a leading industrialist—a man who prided himself on being ‘self-made’. Sudhir himself was academically brilliant and would bring home medals and scholarships—only to be told by his father that his achievements were nothing, and that he need not feel so proud. Of course, Sudhir’s face would fall when his achievements, far from being acknowledged and praised, were seen as making him arrogant. Striving as hard as he may, his father’s responses never changed. Sudhir started feeling that he was never good enough for his father. All throughout, everyone in his school and college would shower him with praise, but his father would snub him and maintain a stoic expression, justifying his actions by saying he was teaching his son humility.

The last straw came one day when Sudhir took the family car for a party thrown in his honour. On his return, the father publicly caned him in the car park, saying that a few certificates did not give him the liberty to use the car, and that whatever he enjoyed today was due to the hard work of the father and not Sudhir’s own achievements. Smarting with humiliation, Sudhir slashed his wrist. On return from the hospital, he was condemned once more by his father—this time for bringing shame to the family name. Today, Sudhir, a genius-turned-neurotic, is under psychiatric care, whimpers like a child on seeing his father’s face, cannot hold on to a job, and is obsessed with becoming a millionaire to ‘show Papa’. He continues to express his need for the father’s approval, which he does not receive even today.

Need for approval

This need of approval from families is the main cause of turning absolutely normal people into neurotics. When approval-seeking becomes a dire need, and your ‘self’ is sacrificed for the opinions and predilections of others, you start self-destructing, and are heading for a great deal of misery in your life. You could find yourself feeling extremely depressed, unworthy, guilty and anxious because a significant person has disapproved of you.

Because of this approval-seeking need in you, families can manipulate you. Any effort you make on your part to break away from this need—by becoming independent of others’ opinions—is labelled as being selfish, uncaring, inconsiderate, and arrogant. This vicious circle of manipulation continues in many families.

Unconditional love and approval is the one thing that every man, woman or child looks for throughout his life, and this unfulfilled intrinsic need is the sole cause of all human misery and neurosis.

All children need unconditional love and acceptance from their parents in their formative years. If they do not receive it, the neurotic seeds of self-doubt are planted. When children do not fit the job description laid out for them by the parents—by speaking out their own mind, thinking for themselves and wanting to create their own path in life—many parents withdraw their love. Such parents tend to treat children like possessions who will be nurtured only if the children are who and what the parents want them to be.

Kahlil Gibran speaks to parents about this in The Prophet.

“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you,” he writes.

Athletic Sanjana wanted to be a fitness instructor, but her highly qualified parents wanted her to be a doctor or an engineer. Her need of approval made her enrol into medical college with her father paying a hefty donation for the admission. She failed twice in the first term and realised that she was just not cut out for this. However, compelled by her need for parental approval, she bought the question papers for a large sum, which she acquired by stealing jewellery from her relatives and friends. She gradually became a confirmed kleptomaniac. She was arrested one day and on being bailed out by her father, was given the cold shoulder treatment at home. She acquired her degree in the same way and was so depressed with the lack of love and acceptance that she got into a bad and violent marriage with the boy who had helped her acquire the question papers.

In counselling, she was helped to break free from an abusive marriage and to free herself from this ‘dire need of approval’. Today, she is a fitness instructor in a local gym and arranges treks for the youth during weekends. She has returned to herself her self-worth by not allowing herself and her life to be defined by coloured opinions of others.

Need for unconditional love

When a child is born, she receives physical nurturing from the parents, but remains malnourished and unfulfilled in her deepest core. She spends her entire life seeking a sense of fulfilment, satisfaction, contentment, completion and wholeness to appease her intrinsic hunger for unconditional love.

Such a child tries appeasing her hunger by amassing wealth, by creating a social group and surrounding herself with people, by achieving prestigious positions of power in society, by getting awards, by climbing the Everest, by indulging indiscriminately in food and sex, alcohol and drugs, etc. In short, she is constantly trying to compensate her intrinsic hunger of unconditional love.

All social evils arise out of this very hunger. Competitiveness, murders, war, addictions, sexual abuse, prostitution, obesity and other indulgence-created diseases are a result of this unappeased hunger.

On a more personal level, we see the same hunger ruining relationships too. A man and a woman, who never received unconditional love from their parents during their formative years, come together in an intimate relationship with the same mindset—hungry for unconditional love—almost like two beggars begging from each other, neurotically insisting that the other appease his/her hunger.

Is it any wonder then, that marital conflicts, depression, suicides, murders, divorces are on the rise?

Erich Fromm writes in the Art of Loving, “Unconditional love corresponds to one of the deepest longings not only of a child but of every human being; on the other hand, to be loved because of one’s merit, because one deserves it, always leaves doubt; maybe I did not please the person whom I want to love me, maybe this, or that—there is always a fear that love could disappear.

“Furthermore, ‘deserved’ love easily leaves a bitter feeling that one is not loved for oneself, that one is loved only because one pleases, that one is, in the last analysis, not loved at all but used”.

Finding self-love

Children of parents who give only conditional love need to work at making themselves un-neurotic in spite of their families. Breaking away from this need of approval and establishing themselves in self-love is the only way. Psychologically mature people do not seek a stamp of approval from significant people as they love themselves and accept themselves in totality.

It is also no coincidence that so many people turn to religion and spirituality. The need for this unconditional parental love and acceptance is visible through the belief in a ‘Divine Father’ or a ‘Divine Mother’ in heaven—the heavenly parent, who showers infinite unconditional love and acceptance on his/her children.

But, this need for fulfilment finds completion only when man turns to the infinite source of self-love, his own higher self, and finds nourishment for his impoverished and starved soul. Such a healed person finds healing in understanding that those he seeks unconditional love from, are themselves seeking the same, and thus are incapable of providing what he seeks. On connecting to the infinite and inexhaustible source of his higher self, he not only fills his own heart, but now becomes capable of nurturing other hungry hearts that come into his life. Such a person grows from being a needy and neurotic child, to being a un-neurotic fulfilled adult, thus reaching psychological maturity.

Soliloquy of a grateful son

­— By Aman Bhonsle

Family, as I define it

In my opinion, a family is one’s primary social group and the interface that nurtures, protects, shelters, loves and provides for an individual. For me, my family has been the blood borne connection I share with my parents in wholly representing the values I stand for, such as honesty, responsibility for actions, coherence, listening intently to the opinions of others and constructive communication.

My family is what I represent and they are my honest critics, companions and the truth serums of my existence. They complete my perception of the world and help me gain an insight into myself and into the world around me. I love, respect and stand in awe of my family, without whom I feel incomplete.

The role of my family

I am a person who always defied convention and dared to dream against all opposition. I have always had the need to go with the flow in an untamed way in keeping with my wildly adventurous urges.

My family has supported my struggle to find a role for myself—not only in the educational institution dynamic, but also in the extended family dynamic. I was never academically gifted, nor were my sporting abilities much to boast about. This led me to search deep into what is it that fulfils and completes me. I found expression in playing the digital keyboard, sketching, writing and working with cameras. It also gave me immense joy to listen to, learn from, and narrate human stories through the audio-visual medium. My family has stood by me through it all, which has encouraged me to be a creative rebel with a cause.

In my family, we can have a healthy difference in opinions, where each individual has a right to his expectations and desires, and where a consensus may not necessarily be reached by virtue of a certain gender, age or familial role/context.

My family is my primary group, where I was nurtured and supported physically and psychologically, and encouraged to be the best at what I love to do. In short, I was allowed to be myself. My family taught me the meaning of taking responsibility for all my actions and to learn to follow my conscience when in doubt. My parents have always given my opinions, thoughts, ideas and perspectives the autonomy, respect and credence that they deserve. This egalitarian environment supports my faith in being able to challenge my weaknesses and turn every obstacle into a stepping stone to achievement. My family infused in me an optimism that helped me become a confident and composed individual.

Specific contributions

When my friends make references to issues of parental pressures, I always remember my mother’s ‘we can agree to disagree’ statement and suddenly wonder if I’ve ever been pressurised by my parents.

By allowing a healthy difference of opinions, by being reasonable and non-judgemental, and by accepting me for who I am [and for who I am not] my mother has both sheltered and bolstered my volatile and sensitive mind.

I have seen that I work optimistically and tirelessly towards my film-making and all that I’m passionate and fuelled about. This has been how my mother lives, and I have probably unconsciously imbibed this over time.

My father once said, ‘You either do it or you don’t…there’s no such thing as trying to’, and my mother said, ‘Courage is in doing it afraid’, and this has encouraged me to meet every challenge that has come my way so far.

Through numerous conversations with my parents, I have been systematically helped to understand and accept the phenomenon of being human, so that I can make sense of everything that happens within me and around me.

This has helped a boy to turn into a man who can observe and absorb different aspects of the world. It has something to do with his mother showing him what it means to listen, and his father showing him to let time take care of some things.

I am therefore a product of my mother’s unconditional love and teachings and knowledge, and my father’s pragmatism, worldly wisdom and rock-solid support.
Aman Bhonsle is the 20-year old son of Dr Rajan & Minnu Bhonsle.

The post In the name of Family appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.